This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot, I talk about the audience, which has been practicing a kind of social distancing since the moment Netfix started streaming — or, if you want to get deeper, since YouTube dot com turned on the juice. Now it’s Hollywood’s turn to stay home.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I realize that there are two kinds of people in the world. We’re all either R2D2 or C3P0 or Wile E Coyote or the Road Runner or Moses or Complaining Israelites or Jeffrey or Ina.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot, I try to figure out how YouTube made fifteen billion dollars, and how to handle breaking up with my barber. They are deeply linked, I promise.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I reveal what a friend of mine confessed to me years ago. One time, when she was babysitting an infant, all it did was sleep, which bored her. So she woke it up and made it cry. Sometimes we’re the baby. And sometimes we’re the babysitter.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I talk about the newest venture in Hollywood and how people like to say, Never Gonna Work about things that, you know, really could work.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I get really angry at something that hasn’t happened yet, and then get angry when it doesn’t happen, and then don’t know what to do with all of that pre-anger when it everything turns out okay. I’m like the opposite of a Buddhist.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I watch a group of people refuse to pay the cover charge at a jazz club and think, I wonder if those people pay for Netflix.

This is Rob Long and I need to offer a trigger warning on today’s Martini Shot. It’s about my wonderful dog Illy. And it ends the way all stories about wonderful dogs end. In a lot of tears and a lot of gratitude.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I try to work at a co-working space but discover that what people do at co-working spaces is take a lot of breaks from working.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I do my annual new year’s purge of all of the ideas and articles and clippings I’ve saved, thinking they’d be great shows, but I haven’t done anything with them, so time to give them away.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot, I act like the famous, late fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld, by ruining what should be a nice quiet evening watching television.