What if excellence isn’t about winning, but becoming?

For so many of us, the word excellence has become tangled up with perfectionism, obsession, and relentless hustle. No wonder it feels heavy, triggering, or out of reach.

In this conversation, we explore a very different understanding of excellence, one rooted in meaning, care, and deep engagement. Together, we unpack why modern life makes it so hard to focus, why joy and rest are essential to growth, and how pursuing what truly matters can quietly reshape who you become.

Brad Stulberg is a bestselling author, writer for The New York Times and Wall Street Journal, co-host of the podcast Excellence, Actually, and faculty member at the University of Michigan. His newest book is The Way of Excellence: A Guide to True Greatness and Deep Satisfaction in a Chaotic World.

In this episode, you’ll discover

• A powerful redefinition of excellence that frees you from perfectionism
• Why mastery and mattering are essential for deep satisfaction
• A simple way to reclaim focus in a world designed to distract you
• How joy, rest, and renewal fuel long-term growth
• A practical framework for balancing ambition with the rest of your life

If you’ve ever felt pulled to do meaningful work but exhausted by the way success is usually framed, this conversation offers a wiser, more human path forward. Press play to explore what excellence can become.

You can find Brad at: Website | LinkedIn | Episode Transcript

Next week, be sure to tune in for my conversation with Susan Piver about why love feels hard and how that discomfort can deepen intimacy. Follow the show in your favorite listening app so it’s right there when the episode drops.

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When life upends everything, what still matters?

When the future you assumed disappears, the questions get sharper. This conversation explores how meaning, values, and hope evolve when time feels uncertain and life breaks open in unexpected ways.

In this deeply human and reflective episode, Jonathan Fields sits down with Lucy Kalanithi, a physician, storyteller, and Clinical Associate Professor of Medicine at Stanford University. She is the widow of neurosurgeon and writer Paul Kalanithi, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller When Breath Becomes Air, for which Lucy wrote the unforgettable epilogue.

Together, they explore what it means to live honestly in the presence of mortality, how our sense of time and identity shifts through loss, and how values can guide choices when certainty is gone.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• A simple but profound way to make decisions when the future feels unclear
• How redefining hope can ease fear without denying reality
• Why you cannot have everything, and how that clarity can be freeing
• A humane framework for navigating medical and life decisions
• What it really means to build a life that fits who you are

When life changes in ways you never expected, clarity does not come from control. It comes from listening more closely. Press play to explore what truly matters, and how to live with intention even when the path ahead is uncertain.

You can find Lucy at: Website | Episode Transcript

Next week, be sure to tune in for my conversation with Brad Stulberg about what excellence really is, and how pursuing it can help you feel more alive, not burned out. And don’t forget to follow the show in your favorite listening app.

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You can be deeply loved and still feel alone, even when your life is filled with people who care about you.

Many of us assume that love automatically translates into feeling loved. But research shows that isn’t how it works. In this conversation, we explore why connection can be present, yet the feeling of being loved never quite lands and what actually helps close that gap.

My guest is Harry Reis, a longtime researcher of close relationships and professor of psychology whose work has shaped how we understand intimacy, attachment, and emotional connection. He’s the co-author of How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• A powerful relational dynamic that quietly determines whether love is felt or missed

• The subtle reason giving more doesn’t always lead to feeling more connected

• A listening shift that dramatically deepens intimacy without forcing vulnerability

• Why being fully known matters more than being widely liked

• The mindset that helps love feel genuine instead of performative

If you’ve ever wondered why closeness feels harder than it should or why love doesn’t always register even when it’s present, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and practical insight. Press play to learn what actually helps love land.

You can find Harry at: Website | Harry's Bio | Episode Transcript

Next week, be sure to tune in for my conversation with Lucy Kalanithi about what still matters when certainty disappears.

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What if chronic pain was caused by faulty wiring in your brain?

And that one shift in understanding can open the door to relief many people never thought was possible.

Chronic pain affects tens of millions, disrupts relationships, limits work, and quietly erodes joy. Yet for many, scans, surgeries, and medications never bring lasting relief. In this conversation, we explore why pain can persist long after the body has healed and what helps the brain finally stand down.

My guest is Yoni K. Ashar, PhD, assistant professor at the University of Colorado Anschutz Medical Campus and director of the Pain and Emotion Research Laboratory. His research uses brain imaging and clinical neuroscience to study chronic pain recovery, with a focus on Pain Reprocessing Therapy.

In this episode, you’ll learn

• A key signal that reveals when pain is driven by the brain, not injury
• A simple shift that helps interrupt the pain–fear cycle
• Why imaging findings can distract from the true source of pain
• How the right kind of gradual exposure retrains the brain to feel safe again
• What decades of pain research reveal about lasting recovery
• Why we’ve gotten pain wrong for so long, and how to get it right

If you’ve tried everything and still hurt, this conversation may offer a new way to understand your pain and a path toward relief. Press play to learn how unlearning pain may be possible.

You can find Yoni at: Website | Episode Transcript

Next week, we're sharing a really meaningful conversation with Harry Reis about why love doesn't always land, even when it's real.

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You could be having better sex and the science explains why, not because you’re broken or doing something wrong, but because most of us were never taught how desire actually works or how intimacy evolves over time. Instead, we’re handed myths, silence, and a lot of quiet frustration.

In this conversation, we explore why great sex is not something that just happens, but something you can learn, practice, and grow into at any stage of life. We talk about desire, pleasure, communication, midlife shifts, and how letting go of shame opens the door to intimacy that feels more alive, connected, and satisfying.

Dr. Nicole McNichols is an internationally renowned human sexuality professor at the University of Washington, where her course The Diversity of Human Sexuality is the most popular in the school’s history. She is also the author of You Could Be Having Better Sex, out February 3.

In this episode, you’ll discover

• A simple mindset shift that makes sex more fulfilling over time
• Why novelty matters more than frequency and how to add it without pressure
• The overlooked role pleasure plays in mental health and resilience
• What actually helps desire return in long-term relationships
• A healthier way to talk about sex that builds trust and connection

If sex has started to feel confusing, disconnected, or quietly disappointing, this episode offers a grounded, research-backed way forward. Press play to learn how intimacy can become something you grow into rather than drift away from.

You can find Nicole at: Website | Instagram | Episode Transcript

If you LOVED this episode, you’ll also love the conversations we had with Emily Nagoski about the science of pleasure and sustaining sexual connection.

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If your life looks good on paper but feels flat, this is for you.

Many of us follow the rules, build what appear to be successful lives, and still sense something essential is missing. That feeling sends us on a chase for more meaning or purpose, impact and clarity. But, what if the way we seek them is all wrong, and actually makes us less happy, content and alive, not more?

In today’s conversation, we explore a radically different way to think about meaning, one rooted in aliveness, presence, and becoming rather than achievement, impact, mattering, or outcomes.

My partner in conversation is Dave Evans, the coauthor of the New York Times number one bestseller Designing Your Life, cofounder of the Stanford Life Design Lab, and author of the new book How to Live a Meaningful Life. I’ve known Dave for years now, and he’s spent decades helping people redesign work, identity, and daily living in ways that feel deeply human.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• Why fulfillment and impact often become dead ends rather than answers
• A simple shift that helps you feel more alive without changing your circumstances
• Four overlooked sources of meaning that most people rarely access
• How to move fluidly between getting things done and actually being present
• A practical way to experience wonder, flow, coherence, and connection in everyday moments

If you’ve ever wondered why a life that looks good can still feel unsatisfying, this conversation offers a grounded and hopeful reframe. Press play to explore a more livable path to meaning.

You can find Dave at: Website | Instagram | Episode Transcript

If you LOVED this episode, you’ll also love the conversations we had with Dan Pink about regret, reflection, and using inner signals to guide a more meaningful life.

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It's said, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. But, is that true? Many of us live our lives in pursuit of certainty, believing that if we could just get things more stable - emotionally, financially, relationally - then we’d finally feel at ease. We wouldn't struggle with anxiety, stress, and fear. we wouldn't suffer so much. Problem is, that approach often deepens our suffering, rather than relieves it. Maybe you've felt this very thing.

In this powerful episode on healing and resilience and how to relieve suffering, Jonathan sits down with Dr. Suzan Song, a Harvard- and Stanford-trained psychiatrist, humanitarian researcher, and author of the new book Why We Suffer and How We Heal. Dr. Song has spent decades working with individuals and communities living through profound instability, revealing a gentler, more honest reframe: healing, lessening suffering, doesn’t come from chasing certainty and stability, but from learning how to relate differently to the inevitability of pain, uncertainty, and change.

In this conversation, discover:

• Why pain is inevitable, but suffering often grows from the stories we tell.
• The hidden role of our nervous system and memory in shaping our experience of hardship.
• The power of ritual—not as performance, but as a path to emotional grounding and resilience.
• What purpose really is, and why it’s often already present, woven into our lives through mattering.
• How genuine healing happens in relationship, not in isolation, transforming our approach to mental health.

This is an invitation to stop blaming yourself for not feeling satisfied, let go of suffering, and remember that you don’t have to navigate life’s instabilities alone. Sometimes, relief comes not from doing more, but from allowing yourself to feel everything, then learn how to live with the truth of uncertainty in a world that will never stop changing.

You can find Suzan at: Website | Linkedin | Episode Transcript

If you LOVED this episode, you’ll also love the conversations we had with Adam Grant about rethinking beliefs and inner patterns.

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Most new habits fizzle quickly, what if they didn't have to? We blame a lack of willpower, but what if the way we approach habits that's the real problem? Why does true, lasting habit change feel so hard to sustain? And, how can we do it better?

In this Best of episode, we explore a gentler and more honest reframe, drawing from the work of James Clear, author of Atomic Habits. We show that lasting change doesn't begin with force or fixing, but rather with identity. Discover how listening to who you already are, and letting small, faithful actions slowly reshape what you believe about yourself, is the most powerful, sustainable, and truly transformational path forward.

In this episode, discover:

• Why habits are less about discipline and more about identity
• How small, atomic actions quietly become evidence for who we’re becoming
• The difference between forcing change and aligning with who you are
• Why environment often matters more than motivation for long-term habit formation
• How belief and behavior shape each other over time

This is a conversation for anyone who is ready to build consistent habits that actually stick. There’s no rush, no prescription—just an invitation to soften, to notice, and to remember that true transformation begins the moment you stop trying so hard to become someone else.

You can find James at: Website | The 3-2-1 Newsletter | Episode Transcript

If you LOVED this episode, you'll also love the conversations we had with Seth Godin about identity, creativity, and choosing how you show up.

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Big dreams matter. But how we pursue them matters more.

You can honor where you've come from, hold live with self-compassion, and be grateful for what you have, and still yearn to accomplish big life-changing dreams, visions, or goals. The question is how? How to do we do this in a way that makes us feel more alive, more human, and also sets us up for true success?

In this episode, Jonathan explores a radically different, practical approach to achieving big, meaningful dreams, visions, and goals that honors the life you’re actually living, and comes from a mindset of wholeness and abundance, rather than lack, shame, or pain. 

This conversation offers a humane, sustainable reframe for ambition called Success Scaffolding that allows you to keep growing without tying your worth, happiness, or nervous system to the next win.

In this episode, discover:

• The Happiness Delay Trap: Why achievement so often fails to deliver lasting fulfillment, and how the “I’ll be happy when…” mindset keeps moving the finish line.

• Why Goals Collapse After Motivation Fades: How real life, not lack of discipline, is usually what derails even the most meaningful intentions.

• Success Scaffolding: A practical, science-informed framework for building goals that can actually survive a human life.

• The Seven Elements That Make Growth Sustainable: How to design goals with structure, support, flexibility, and compassion, without pressure or self-criticism.

• Enough as the Fuel for Growth: Why grounding your goals in worthiness, not scarcity, leads to more resilience, creativity, and follow-through.

• A Kinder Way Forward: Simple practices to help you stay in relationship with what matters, especially when you wobble.

This episode is an invitation to stop blaming yourself for not feeling satisfied by success, and to start building goals that support who you already are, rather than asking you to become someone else first.

You don’t need to earn your okay-ness. You need a powerful, agile, structure that can hold your life and fuel your dreams.

Episode Transcript

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If you LOVED this episode:

• You can find the 1-page worksheet HERE.
• Find all of the New Year four-part mini-series episodes.

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Stop outsourcing your peace. Feeling better is an inside job.

We often feel exhausted, not because life is so difficult (which it can be), but because our minds are full of old wounds, unresolved feelings, self-destructive stories, and subconscious rules that secretly run the show…and leave us empty. In this episode, Jonathan sits down with acclaimed spiritual teacher and 19-time bestselling author, Iyanla Vanzant, to explore a radically practical idea: spiritual hygiene.

Drawing from her new book Spiritual Hygiene: A Practical Path for Clean Living, Inner Authority, and Divine Freedom, Iyanla offers a grounded, compassionate framework for clearing emotional residue, reclaiming inner authority, and tending to your inner life with the same care you give your outer one.

In this episode, discover:

• The hidden inner rulers like fear, shame, and unforgiveness that quietly shape behavior, identity, and decision making.

• Why we feel spiritually congested, and how constant reliance on external fixes keeps us disconnected from our own inner power.

• What spiritual hygiene actually looks like as a daily practice, not a belief system, and why small, consistent acts matter more than dramatic breakthroughs.

• How to reclaim inner authority without fixing, forcing, or bypassing pain, and why presence is often more powerful than effort.

• A gentler path to healing that does not require perfection, years of struggle, or becoming someone new before you begin.

This is a conversation about cleaning from the inside out. About creating space for clarity, honesty, and peace. And about remembering that your inner life is not something to outsource, avoid, or conquer, but something to care for with intention and respect.

You can find Iyanla at: Website | Instagram | Episode Transcript

If you LOVED this episode, you’ll also love the conversations we had with Thema Bryant about healing trauma and reclaiming your true self.

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You are not behind. How to find enough right now.

We've all played the "I'll be happy when..." game, constantly moving the goalpost and living in the anxiety of "not enough yet." In this episode, Jonathan challenges the myth that you have to "fix" yourself or acquire "more" to feel worthy of a good life.

He offers a counter-cultural approach to setting your intentions: making this The Year of Enough, a radical internal commitment that your current self is a valid starting point for growth.

In this episode, discover:

• The "Happiness Delay": Why achieving big goals often fails to deliver lasting contentment, and how to get off the hedonic treadmill.
• Enough is the fuel for growth: A new definition of enough that is the opposite of settling, but instead frees you from the pressure of "not being enough," while still honoring your desire to growth and achieve big, meaningful things.
• Three Practices for Sufficiency: Simple daily and weekly exercises (like The "Already" List and The "What's Not Wrong?" Check-In) to gently train your nervous system to register moments of peace and contentment.
• The Inverse Resolution: A powerful subtraction technique: what to intentionally stop doing this year to create spaciousness, joy, and peace.

This is a quiet, powerful invitation to stop postponing your okay-ness and to let your goals flow from a place of belonging, not desperation.

Episode Transcript

Follow us on Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode.

If you LOVED this episode:

• You can find the 1-page worksheet HERE.
• Find all of the New Year three-part mini-series episodes.

Check out our offerings & partners: 

• Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the Wheel
• Visit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.