ChaosBuffering.com it’s real and it totally exists! I have put all the episodes up there, and it is going to be growing and becoming a much better and more controllable version of this site.

In Mr P’s Halloween Phil and I learn how far some people will go to deliver a little weed, an entire town for sale in the Alps, and we discover the origins of “Hookering.” Shit goes down when Phil’s life turns into a horror movie, and Mr. P saves the day! Keep some candy handy

iTunes – Chaos Buffering

Music – Derek Audette

Once upon a time there were five little sparrows. These little sparrows loved to make Belgian waffles out of human blood. So one day they decided to make some waffles and went in search of a suitable human. They flew far and narrow because they were sparrows and kept aloft by some crack cocaine jam. Until they stumbled upon a large crowd of people. They swooped down with sharp precision slashing throats and goats and ropes and toads until there was not a dry spot on the ground. Then they took their buckets and sponges and soaked up all the blood to make their special waffles. One of the five sparrows flew ahead of the rest for he was entrusted with heating up the iron while the others flew laden with blood. So when they arrived back at the nest and the iron was hot there was a furious mixing and sifting. Little did the butcherous birds know that satan had been among the slaughtered crowd and their waffles would have an extra bitter taste. They began cooking and a drop of the mix fell into the fire then another and another and out of the fire came the godless drippy droppy a formless dark spirit of malevolent fury bent on the destruction of all who make waffles on a Tuesday.

-Chaos Phil

Don’t forget to eat your vegetables.

I don’t want to give away too much but in the upcoming episode of Chaos Buffering, I think it’s #9, the normal whores will be replaced with edible ones. Holy shit so excited to chow down on some fuckable food. If you know me at all, if it can be fucked and eaten im a huge fan. Be sure to tune in as soon as it’s up on i-tunes sometime around saturday or so. The posts are somewhat unpredictable now that manchild has a job.

-Chaos Phil

Don’t forget to wash your fucking hands.

So just a quick post to tell you that I have been adding the show to an independent show site called blip.tv, it’s a good way to relisten to old episodes that you don’t have downloaded, or if you are away from your iTunes, you can go there to listen to episodes. So far The test episode and the first 4 are up there and the rest will be going up shortly. Ads are enabled on the episodes just cause I wanted to see what it meant/did. You can go here to check the Chaos Buffering page on there. I am not sure if that works properly though cause the site is for video. If that doesn’t work right, click on the archive button in top right, here and then they will bring up just the audio player. I can track views/listens so if you are just feeling it then feel free to listen on there, tell friends so they can try it out and I will be able to tell people are really listening.

Peace out,

Josh

Holy Fuck, my favorite it’s just so wonderful and makes me laugh. Stupid Fuck, ugh I hate this one it’s usually directed at me. Angry Fuck, I like enough said. What The Fuck, most common i think hear it all the time. Get the Fuck Out, you’re interrupting something sensitive or they really want you to leave cause you’re a Dumb Fuck. Flying Fuck, I guess they really don’t Give a Fuck. Fuck You, no Fuck you. Fucking move, you must be on an airplane.

Send me your Fucks at [email protected] I’d love to hear from you even if it has nothing to Fucking do with this.

-Chaos Phil

Fuck You

Waking up from a 40,000 year coma you might have a few stiff muscles. If you were a normal person you might also just be dead. Anyway enough poking around the puss. General Madness has awakened and the scourge of life is quickly sweeping across the cold planes of Antarctica. Entombed 40,000 years ago by god, he has slept frozen. Slowly his malevolent black blood melted and began to circulate once again driven by pure hatred and spurred on by the unstoppable beating of a demonic heart. The searing hatred coursing through his arteries and veins began to melt his ice prison, it was only a matter of time before terror would reign supreme once more. Prepare children of earth for the dark terrors of hate and malice have taken the stage. Wearing the guises of plague, self loathing, rage, and insanity, they come to you and find you. In need of power you accept them and they transform you into a tool of destruction. Welcome them or guard yourself with righteous acts but be warned the righteous always fall at the feet of pure hatred.

Flee for your lives the end is upon you all. General Madness wears a cape and knee-high boots be aware.

-Chaos Phil

He likes corn on the cob

I want to start by setting the mood with some music. So before you continue please look up “One More” by Turisas, so you can feel what I feel. It is morning again and the sun light is spewing through my window making it impossible to sleep. The battle scenes I participate in so often in dreams slowly fade from my mind. I always hate leaving them, they’re so much more interesting then what’s for breakfast. Not to mention the rest of the day; even less exciting. The places we go in dreams, have we been there before? I can’t help but think so. The scenes and actions are too vivid, the characters too complex to be just in our imagination. I’m not saying it’s past life but I’m not saying it isn’t past life. I do think we are enjoying a glimpse into the past of someone elses life or it could be us. We are part of the reenacting and I feel we add our own little bits to the story. That makes sleeping something to look forward to. You are the main character in an epic reenactment of the long dead or maybe for some just a few weeks ago. Either way I think we all get to choose where to go while were sleeping, some actually attempt to make their way there, (sleep-walkers).  So in the next episode I will attempt to hypnotize Josh and find out where he’s been going at night. Or I might just ask him haven’t decided yet. Anyway I’d like to here some of the dreams people are having. E-mail me at [email protected] or hit me up on twitter @philconrad

-Chaos Phil

Look forward to the Noodle Wonket and Chaos Buffering T-shirts coming soon!!!!!!!

This week, Phil and I discuss a very odd planet where people can’t help but “enjoy” themselves, also space news, Putin gets some erotic presents, Phil becomes the Earthican ambassador and does an awful job, and also we design the movie Cannibal Planet… Schrop the Nar! Bam!

iTunes – Chaos Buffering

Music – Derek Audette

Okay so not really, but kinda… in a way… sorta… okay not really, but bear with me. So I have been noticing that the site is getting better views every week, which I am hoping is not just Phil looking at the site a couple of times an hour every day for no reason. So that means that perhaps, we actually have a real listener or two, and you guys are checking the site for posts/ episodes/ updates, you know, all that jazz. And also, the show is about to turn 10… ish. So I just thought I would give you guys something to do before the new episode, which will be coming out later today (Wednesday) probably in the afternoon at some point.

This post is really just updates, brainstorms, stream of consciousness for my efforts to grow the thing that is Chaos Buffering and mine and Phil’s efforts to do something cool and fun. So here goes…

As for the site, I know I have been promising at the very least the .com domain name so it is easier to get here, but that will actually be happening in less than a months time. Something else to look forward to, hopefully at the same time as the .com-ness, is a real site with real capabilities, which will mean that you guys will be able to listen on the site, download via iTunes a better version of the show, and better site experience. That should be coming soon, I have just had to acquire appropriate funding for such a thing, and looks like that has happened. Not a sponsorship or anything (still looking) I just checked the couch cushions real thorough like.

Even before that though, I am thinking for non-episode stuff on the site, at least one post a week from me and Phil each. That shouldn’t be too hard since Phil has been doing a post or two for fun, which is great. So look forward to more stuff on the site. I’m not sure what that kind of content will be, though I am sure Phil will do plenty of his usual insanity that is very entertaining. For me I don’t know if I should be doing newsy type stuff or just random stuff or some kind of super-unique content.

Okay now onto the show and it’s… stuff. As you may have noticed, the day for release has kind of become Wednesdays at some point. That just kind of happened by happenstance, and for now, that will probably be how it stays. What I am thinking is that the show could have a little more variety, a little more surprise to what the content might be, rather than a slightly procedural pattern we have developed. And that would mean that we find more things to talk about. I am wondering if all the parts of the show need to be purely funny. Me and Phil could easily do a tech/ movies/ games/ music/ science news segment, but it may not be as funny as the usual. We did test out a new segment on this weeks episode that was both funny and unique-ish, but I am still racking my brain on more stuff we can do. It is called Chaos Buffering, so we can really move around the spectrum as much as we want to make it “chaotic.”

Other than that, I am thinking that a monthly “double length” episode might be fun. Not necessarily a full double length, but just an ensured once a month episode longer than 1:45:00 or something. That’s not saying we couldn’t do more, just that at least one a month would be longer than usual. I don’t know how much people want longer episodes though, so maybe it’s worth some discussion with the big guy (not that he’s the boss, he’s just bigger than me)

Vlogs are still in the works, just gotta get down what’s gonna be going on in them and if I can even video edit properly with what I got.

As for guests, I do not know if we will be able to do it anytime soon, because the local recording and a skype recording might not jive with eachother, and that would make things very messy.

Okay this is a long post that isn’t funny at all so I am gonna end it now, new episode up in like 12 hours or something, it’ll be my first priority in the morning.

Laters,

Josh

There is a planet that has constant vibration of sound. These sounds cause people to orgasm without cease. It is a wonderful place, and in the next episode I will take you on a full tour, if I can. Bring your noodle wonkets; there’s no need for lube. Gorgeous women and full frontal nudity are common, so don’t be surprised if the tour’s cut short by my never-ending need to rape-a-pade. I hope we have a good crowd for our next adventure on Trimoritis.

Chaos Phil Conrad