by Adam Riske

Nominated for “Best Film Editing” at the Satellite Awards. It lost to X-Men: The Last Stand.

• Best Scene/Moment (tie): This is tough because almost every scene rules. I guess I’ll go with any dialogue stretch where there’s a lot of jargon like “Go-Fast boats” or “We guarantee loads.” I could listen to these guys talk shop all day. Also, any scene in a speedboat.

• Best Song: “Numb/Encore” by Jay-Z and Linkin Park.• Best Merch: A “Miami Vice television crime drama poster Large 27” wide by 18” high” for $14.99. I like this poster because it looks like something you’d have on your bedroom wall circa 1986.

• Director Grade: Miami Vice was directed by Michael Mann.
Great Movies: Thief, Heat, The Insider, Miami Vice
Good Movies: Manhunter, Collateral
OK Movies: Blackhat
Bad Movies: Ali, Public Enemies
Unseen By Me: The Keep, The Last of the Mohicans, Ferrari
Overall Grade: A-

• Double It with This 2006 Movie: The Departed

• Year 2006 Movies to Trailer Before Them: Casino Royale, Dreamgirls, Inside Man• Ella McCay or Miami Vice? Miami Vice

• Mall Movie? Not right away because of the Michael Mann of it all, but it might’ve made its way to the mall before the end of its run in theaters.

• Only in 2006: A movie shot on high-definition digital video that looks good.

• Scene Stealer: John Ortiz.

• I Miss: Michael Mann movies shot on film. I read Heat 2 will be shot on film, which I hope is the case.

• I Don’t Miss: The director’s cut of Miami Vice. Changing the opening to this movie is sacrilegious. After sitting through that change, what’s the point of sitting through the rest? At least it’s not as bad as the various versions of Ali that Mann has made over the years, which I’m always convinced will fix my issues with the movie but instead makes the movie even worse every time.

• 2006 Crush: Gong Li.

• 2026 Crush: Naomie Harris.• What I Thought in 2006: I had never seen the television show when I saw Miami Vice in theaters, so I was sort of thrown off by it. I was expecting Bad Boys, and this was way moodier and more dramatic. I didn’t dislike Miami Vice, and I felt like I needed to see it again but, yeah, I wasn’t ready for it either.

• What I Think in 2026: Nowadays, I love this movie. It just took me a couple of tries to get on its wavelength. I especially love the performances by Colin Farrell (who’s like all passion underneath a surface of stoic) and John Ortiz in a “Who’s that guy?” performance that led to a career of several other performances I’ve also enjoyed. Miami Vice gets better with every viewing. I love that it gives the audience credit for being smart and asking you as a viewer to catch up to it instead of appealing to the lowest common denominator.

 by Patrick Bromley

Another year at my favorite weekend of horror!

I love Flashback Weekend, Chicago's biggest and best horror convention held every summer in Rosemont, Illinois. Launched by married couple Mike and Mia Kerz 24 years ago, it hosts the biggest names in the genre as celebrity guests, plus panel discussions, live concerts, film screenings, after parties, and an annual costume contest (hosted by Svengoolie!) that's a highlight every year. It's three of my favorite days, surrounded by great people and great movies.
I've been attending Flashback for probably 15 years, first as a guest of my Horror BFF  Heather Wixson, and then when she was no longer able to travel to come out and host around the time of COVID, I stepped in and have been acting as co-host for the last six years. Alongside my co-hosts and fellow Chicago critics Steve Prokopy (Third Coast Review) and Nick DiGilio (The Nick D Podcast), I've been hosting guest panels since 2021. This year's convention featured another banger lineup that included a massive Scream franchise reunion, plus roundups for Halloween II and Night of the Creeps, David Naughton, Megan Lawless, Dermot Mulroney, Spencer Charnas from Ice Nine Kills, Steven Weber, Henry Thomas, William Katt, Alan Howarth, and many more guests. Here's how the weekend went.I had the very first panel on Friday, which was the first of many Scream reunions with Marley Shelton (Scream 4) and Roger L. Jackson, the voice of Ghostface. Both were super nice and forthcoming about their experiences on the franchise, with Marley Shelton (who, it should be said, touched my arm) telling a great story about being confused for an extra and Jackson bringing down the house doing multiple voices including Mojo Jojo from The Powerpuff Girls. I didn't get to ask as many questions about Planet Terror as I would have liked (which would have meant making the whole panel about Planet Terror), but things were off to a pretty good start. Nick D. hosted the Halloween II panel after that, featuring Dick Warlock and several of the actors who played the nurses in the sequel. Gloria Gifford got the best soundbite when she talked about her 48 Hrs. audition for Walter Hill.After those two panels, Dann and Morgan Gire did the formal introduction ceremony and then Svengoolie took the stage for "Svengoolie Live," a late-night talk show-style interview show with guests David Naughton and David Arquette. No disrespect to the former, but Arquette was an amazing interview, telling wrestling stories (Sven is a big wrestling fan!) and killing with his reactions to getting bad reviews for Rocky Horror. Arquette comes off as exactly the person you think he is: silly, sweet, self-effacing. He got a big con bump for me.I spent the rest of Friday buying too many movies in the dealer room (thanks to our friend Brian K. for the Vinegar Syndrome hookup!) and went to bed watching In the Mouth of Madness on my laptop so I'd be ready for the podcast with Adam. I did not dream about Sutter Cane. I dreamt about Marley Shelton touching my arm, a thing that happened.
Saturday was an early one, kicking off with Steve P. and author/filmmaker Jason Paul Collum talking about '80s horror and both the killer Santas from Silent Night, Deadly Night and Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 being interviewed by Nick. I got to speak with Scream 6's Tony Revolori and Scream 7's Celeste O'Connor next, and it was one of the most fun panels I did all weekend because they were both so friendly and funny. Neither one even knew that the other was in a Spider-Man movie until I pointed it out and their reactions to the realization was really great.Next were panels with William Katt and Trick 'r Treat's Quinn Lord, followed by a live recording of The Nick D. Podcast with Nick DiGilio and Esmerelda Leon. This taping has become an annual tradition at Flashback, and Nick's guests this year were Night of the Creeps stars Jill Whitlow, Jason Lively, and Tom Atkins, who is almost 90 I think (?) and still a great interview and class act but who has become pretty hard of hearing, leading to the biggest laughs of the show when Lively was deliberately mis-translating all of the questions so Atkins could better hear them. Jason Lively is a trip. After the podcast, Nick made one of my lifelong dreams come true when he learned I had never met Svengoolie despite being a fan of him since watching him host monster movies in my bedroom as a little kid. Because he's a friend of Sven's (Svengoolie even wrote the forward to Nick's upcoming book 40 Years, 40 Horror Films), Nick brought me up to meet him and then made sure I was first in line to get a picture with the horror host. Truly one of the high points of my weekend. Thanks a million, Nick.
I got to host the final panel of the day with Spencer Charnas of Ice Nine Kills, a band I didn't know much about when I was supposed to the panel last year before Charnas had to cancel due to illness. I brushed up on them this year and have fallen in love with their two Silver Scream albums, which I've listened to pretty much nonstop since Flashback. I got to talk to Spencer about our love of horror movies, about writing and recording songs for Scream 7 and Terrifier 3, about making the leap to feature films, and a bunch of other stuff. He was super chill and nice and I hope he comes back someday because I'd like to do his panel again. Another big con bump.Erika and Rosie arrived just in time for the annual Sinister Visions costume contest, another annual highlight of Flashback. This year did not disappoint, from the woman who literally had to be ushered off stage because she wouldn't stop singing "The Phantom of the Opera" to the Cujo costume with the removable face to reveal the St. Bernard in his rabid form. The winner was a riff on Pennywise complete with impressive homemade (and expandable!) wings, but I really felt like the woman who dressed as the bathtub ghost -- complete with actual bathtub -- from the remake of Thir13en Ghosts should have taken top honors.

There were a couple of big events Saturday night, including the VIP reception for Ultimate Badge holders, a live concert featuring Alan Howard improvising new musical accompaniment to a screening of Halloween II, a premiere of Charles Band's new movie Robotica (which I did not see, Full Moon Fever be damned), and a Scream-themed Woodsboro dance party. Because we were beat, Erika, Rosie, and I Doordashed some Portillo's and ate in our hotel room before going to bed early. It was nice to be back with my family even if Charlie wasn't able to come this year.
The final day of Flashback kicked off with Steve P. interviewing Nick about his upcoming horror book, which was cool even if I wasn't invited (I am never invited). I got to do two back to back Scream panels, the first with Scream 7's Ghostface stuntman Jeremy Conner and one of that movie's red herrings, actor Kraig Dane, and the second with Scream star Joseph Whipp. I was nervous about the first panel seeing as neither guest speaks in the movie, but both were great conversationalists. I could have talked to Conner all day in particular because I'm fascinated by stunt people and the amazing work they do. Joseph Whipp hit the stage and started monologuing to the point that I wasn't sure I would even be able to ask a question, but I did finally get to ask him stuff about working with Wes Craven (on Wes's birthday!) in both Scream and A Nightmare on Elm Street, his work on soaps, and, most importantly, his work in Death Spa. He was a great sport.The rest of Sunday was all heavy hitters, too: Nick interviewed Dermot Mulroney and Steven Weber (naturally making time to fit in some Sour Grapes questions), Steve interviewed Henry Thomas, and then I got to end the day talking with Obsession star Megan Lawless. This was her first-ever convention appearance, thus making this her first-ever panel interview, which made me super nervous. She was, unsurprisingly, super nice and gracious and even hugged me afterwards (no big deal, Megan Lawless hugged me) before returning to her table where she had some of the longest lines of fans waiting to meet her of anyone at the convention all weekend. I went to thank her for the interview and she got to meet Rosie and even took a picture with her, which made my daughter's weekend (her goal was to meet Megan Lawless) because she's obsessed with Obsession these days.
After all of that, Flashback Weekend came to a close. There are so many people to thank for making it such a a special one! Thanks to the celebrity guests for being so generous with their time and talent and for all being so nice. Thanks to the amazing staff for being great and welcoming and pulling off an amazing show. Thanks to the Masters of Ceremonies Dann and Morgan Gire for all the cool videos you posted and for all the extra stuff you did all weekend long, even when some interview subjects were less hospitable. Thanks to Kat McGill for taking so many great pictures and for smiling in the front row of panels when I couldn't have been more nervous. Thanks to my Horror BFF Heather for first bringing me to Flashback all those years ago. Thanks to my co-hosts Nick and Steve for being so cool and keeping things running smoothly in the panel room. (Nick, thanks again for introducing me to Sven, and Steve, thanks for dinner!) Thanks to Shawn, a great sound man and super nice guy, plus all the AV folks for making sure everything looked and sounded good on stage. Thanks to all the wonderful people I got to meet over the weekend, whether it was because they had a nice word to say about an interview they saw me do or we just struck up a conversation about a t-shirt or a movie. Horror fans really are the best. Thanks to Mike and Adam Riske for hanging out. Thanks to Erika and Rosie (and Charlie in absentia) for the constant support and love.Most of all, thanks to Mike and Mia Kerz for putting this weekend on every year and letting be a small part of their huge horror family. Every year, guest I speak with from the attendees to the celebrities comment on how much they loved the vibe of Flashback: how relaxed it is, how well run it is, how much it feels like a family. And it does! Mia and Mike have cultivated that feeling over two decades and it has trickled down to everyone else. I'm very fortunate to have been a tiny part of the best horror convention in Chicago.
To stay up to date on all things Flashback for next year, check out the con's official website www.flashbackweekend.com. Those of you who are still on Facebook should join the official Flashback Weekend Facebook group, which is a great horror community and where the Flashback attendees are posting photos with celebrities from the weekend.
Next year's Flashback has already been announced and it's in June instead of July. That means less waiting!
Thank you Danny Arroyo in the Flashback Facebook group for the use of some of your photos!

 by Rob DiCristno

A pair of weird ones for ya!

Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma (Dir. Jane Schoenbrun)

“This part is transphobic,” explains Kris (Hannah Einbinder) as a scene unfolds in Camp Miasma, the ‘80s slasher film she’s watching with its final girl, actress Billy Presley (Gillian Anderson). “Shut up,” Billy responds. Billy isn’t being culturally insensitive, or anything; she’s just trying to get Kris out of her head. You see, the Sundance darling indie filmmaker is about to begin work on a Camp Miasma reboot, and Billy’s worried that Kris might not have a real appreciation for the series’ “flesh-and-fluids” appeal. Kris typically takes a reflexive, intellectual approach to her art — critics described her breakout film as “Psycho told from the perspective of the shower curtain” — but however much internet scholarship insists on examining the cinema of yesteryear through a modern lens, there’s something about Camp Miasma that resists post-#MeToo classification. For Billy — who’s spent years in reclusion at the very disused summer camp where the first Camp Miasma was shot — its true legacy lies in our baser instincts: the primal, guttural urges that often lack academic definition.The third entry in what must now be dubbed a Horny Media Studies course from writer/director Jane Schoenbrun (We’re All Going to the World’s Fair, I Saw the TV Glow), Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma is a sharp examination of our emotional, physical, and psychosexual relationship with the art we devour. Kris’ childhood obsession with the schlocky slasher — which spawned sequels, trading cards, action figures, and other ephemera lovingly displayed during the film’s opening credits — has made her the studio’s obvious choice to resurrect their zombie IP. But what begins as a meeting to secure a pity cameo for the aging Billy becomes an orgiastic interrogation of Kris’ repression as the boundaries between worlds — between performer and audience, film and reality — begin to blur. True to their Millennial roots and bold, unabashed sincerity, Schoenbrun has made another post-modern film that trades easy trope-spotting for messy emotional catharsis. This isn’t about how the movies are made; it’s about what the movies have made of us.Easily Jane Schoenbrun’s most confident and accomplished work to date, Teenage Sex and Death is anchored by standout lead performances from Hacks’ Hannah Einbinder and genre legend Gillian Anderson. While Einbinder’s fearless turn will make her a formidable challenger to Inde Navarrette for 2026’s Scream Queen of the Year Award, it’s Anderson as the fabulous, Norma Desmond-esque Billy — “esque” doesn’t really cover it; Schoenbrun styles her as Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard and title-drops Wilder’s Hollywood noir masterpiece throughout — who helps Kris unpeel the deepest layers of this auto-referential onion. Schoenbrun brings their usual visual flair, populating a VHS world with candy-colored matte paintings and hyper-stylized, animated blood splatter, creating a paradoxical unreality that is as reassuring as it is unsettling. “If it gets too real, you can always turn it off,” reads Camp Miasma’s poster. Maybe that’s true. But if we’re already so far in, Schoenbrun seems to be asking, why in the hell would we ever want to leave?

Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma is in select U.S. theaters now.

The End of Oak Street (Dir. David Robert Mitchell)Suburban Detroit, 1982: A solar flare has opened a rift in the space-time continuum and transported part of a peaceful neighborhood back to the Mesozoic Era (era). With their marriage already on the brink of collapse, Denise and Greg Platt (Anne Hathaway and Ewan McGregor) must now protect their teenage children (Maisy Stella and Christian Covery as Audrey and Brian) from terrifying prehistoric creatures and find a way back to their own time. Sounds great, right? “What if you woke up and there were dinosaurs in your backyard?” Sounds like a Joe Dante joint, or any one of a hundred other VHS classics from Amblin Entertainment! And it should. The fourth feature from writer/director David Robert Mitchell (It Follows, Under the Silver Lake), The End of Oak Street forgoes any convoluted explanations for its lofty premise — I can only hope that the One Night Only folks are taking notes opening weekend — and builds an exhilarating adventure out of the same family drama that made forebears like Gremlins and E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial so timeless.

Or at least, that’s what I thought the film was doing at first. That’s what it seemed like it wanted to do. That’s what — according to most of the effusive early reaction blurbs from my esteemed colleagues in the critical community — it wants us all to think it is. And while there are certainly parts of the new Bad Robot actioner that feel like an earnest throwback to the Spielbergian cinema of the past, The End of Oak Street is such an awkward tonal disaster that it’s impossible to be entirely sure it isn’t actually taking the piss out of its audience. To wit: The first act of Mitchell’s screenplay is a milquetoast blend of expositional cliches and “aw-shucks” dialogue that set up a family dynamic straight out of the 1950s. Coupled with Michael Gioulakis’ ‘70s-style photography — widescreen composition, slow zooms, and the most comical overuse of split-diopters I’ve ever seen — we get the early impression that Oak Street has its tongue firmly in its cheek. Very well! I’m totally on board for a goofy send-up of B horror and sci-fi movies. I see what you’re doing, Mr. Mitchell!But as Oak Street wore on, I began to wonder just how in on the joke it actually was. The characters’ actions are idiotic, sure, but that comes with the genre territory. Hathaway and McGregor play the histrionics straight — McGregor shouting “I read your book, Denise!” made me laugh harder than anything in Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie — but again, that’s how parody works. There are even bits of inappropriate humor, like when the Platts come across a pair of long-neck dinos fucking against their neighbor’s house. But then, hang on: A character is violently mauled to death in the next scene. That widescreen composition is creating moments of (supposedly) genuine tension. Wait. Why don’t the dinosaurs’ footsteps tremor like in Jurassic Park? Because this is a parody! But is it? Why is its climax so earnest? Is all the mean-spirited brutality part of the parody? Is the off-putting tone intentional? I don’t think so, and by the end of Oak Street, I still wasn’t sure if Mitchell was mocking Amblin or homaging it. Don’t let anyone fool you: I don’t think he knows, either.

The End of Oak Street hits U.S. theaters on Friday, August 14th.

Patrick and Rob live in a twilight world.



Download this episode here.
Listen to F This Movie! on Apple Podcasts.
Also discussed this episode: Blue Heron (2026), Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair (2003), Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma (2026), Saccharine (2026), The Jar (1984), Blue Thunder (1983)

 by JB

Have you been sleeping a little too soundly lately? I have a solution for THAT!

In my ever-widening search for antique film rarities and oddities, I sometimes chance upon strangeness that was completely unexpected, found lying by the side of the information superhighway when I was on my way to somewhere else.

Alice in Wonderland (1915) and Le Cochon Danseur (1907) are two such films. I discovered the silent Alice while researching my column on Disney’s Alice a few weeks ago, and I discovered the other in a Google search for “dancing pig.” Don’t judge me.Alice in Wonderland is the longest of these nightmares. The restored print runs almost an hour! For those with very little free time, I will direct you to all the good parts. And by “good parts,” I mean “very, very bad parts.”



THE PLOT IN BRIEF: While Alice’s mother busies herself in the kitchen making tarts, Alice herself is bored. She goes for a walk with her sister, chases the White Rabbit, and winds up quite lost. She begins to cry and literally swims in her own tears. The Dormouse, the Dodo, and the Owl show up for fun. (Apparently, the four of them originally engaged in a race, but that footage has been lost to time, along with appearances by Tweedledum and Tweedledee). Alice meets the Caterpillar. She meets the Cheshire Cat. She meets the Beatles. (JUST KIDDING!) She chances upon a tea party in the woods attended by the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. Just when we are ready to abandon watching this film, Alice meets the Queen of Hearts, who chokes her soundly. Alice wakes up on the banks of a river. It was all a dream... and an hour of my life I will never get back... until the inevitable nightmares come calling tonight.

Particularly disturbing imagery can be found at the following time codes: 29:39, 32:19, 34:40, and 48:27Le Cochon Danseur (The Dancing Pig) (1907) Apparently, images from this one-of-a-kind film have become an internet meme for “general strangeness.” I have never before encountered these, but rest assured that tonight while I sleep, I’m sure I will.



THE PLOT IN BRIEF: Before she will dance with it, an unidentified woman forces a giant anthropomorphic pig to strip naked. (Because OBVIOUSLY.) The pig begs to be released from this humiliation, but the woman simply grabs his tail and forces him back into the designated performance space. The pig is then dressed in drag and forced to dance in a pretty little dress and fancy bonnet until it is thoroughly embarrassed and exhausted. Although the woman is smiling all the time, one starts to wonder what kind of grudge she bears against the pig. As if all of this were not disturbing enough, the film ends with a closeup of the pig, licking his chops and making random faces.

Particularly disturbing imagery can be found at the following time codes: 1:02, 2:34, 3:57, and 4:17.BONUS SHORT: La Maison Ensorcelée (The Haunted House) (1907) This atypical George Méliès short features surrealistic imagery, nightmare logic, and a giant bedroom demon.



THE PLOT IN BRIEF: Three travelers happen to chance upon a haunted house. (The witches flying by on their broomsticks should have tipped them off, but I don't know; maybe "times were different then" or whatever.) The house is so haunted that it’s hard to stay standing. Their luggage flies out the door. A bedroom demon appears briefly in a picture frame—Don’t worry, he’ll be back! Though the travelers are terrified, they remove their coats and decide to stay. Multiple sets of chairs disappear. (This IS still a Méliès film.) Empty coats become animated. Ghosts dance. The travelers decide to make dinner. (Because OBVIOUSLY.) The food and place settings become animated. Whose house is this? The travelers stare at these strange spectacles, mouths agape. They decide to call it a night. The room is full of flames. While preparing to sleep, guess who makes a return appearance?

Particularly disturbing imagery can be found at the following time codes: 0:25, 0:50, 3:59, 5:25, and 5:44.You will dream about at least one or more of these films tonight. Oh yes, you will.

 by Adam Riske

Nominated for “Outstanding Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role” (Tyrese Gibson) at the Black Movie Awards. He lost to Presley Chweneyagae in Tsotsi.

• Best Scene/Moment (tie) Any scene between Tyrese and his son, Junior (played by Henry Hunter Hall in what might be the most innocent performance ever put in a movie) and the scene where Tyrese excuses himself by telling another character “Where’s your bathroom? I gotta shit.”

• Best Song: “Reason” by Andre “Dre Boogie” Wilson.• Best Merch: A “Waist Deep 2006 Movie Promo…Black Hat Cap…” for $19.95. Not a bad price for a hat and the hat is pretty cool from the front (although on the back it says “Bonnie and Clyde on the Flip Side," which I’m less of a fan of).

• Director Grade: Waist Deep was directed by Vondie Curtis-Hall.
Great Movies: N/A
Good Movies: N/A
OK Movies: Waist Deep
Bad Movies: N/A
Unseen By Me: Gridlock’d, Glitter
Overall Grade: B-

• Double It with This 2006 Movie: Running Scared (2006)

• Year 2006 Movies to Trailer Before Them: Annapolis, ATL, Miami Vice

• Ella McCay or Waist Deep? Ella McCay

• Mall Movie? Yeah. Rogue Pictures was the distributor, and all their movies feel like mall movies.• Only in 2006: Having The Game playing the villain feeling like a big casting coup.

• Scene Stealer: Larenz Tate.

• I Miss: Larenz Tate regularly being in movies like he was in the ‘90s and early 2000s. I’ve always really liked him. It was nice to see him in Michael earlier this year. That was his first movie since 2019. It looks like he’s mostly just been on the Starz series Power and Power Book II: Ghost in between films.

• I Don’t Miss: The Game, I guess. He’s intimidating as the villain in Waist Deep, but I don’t think it’s a great loss that he didn't act much. Also, I only like one of his songs (“Hate It or Love It”). I know he’s still around, but he hasn’t been on my radar in a really long time.• 2006 Crush: Meagan Good.

• 2026 Crush: Meagan Good.

• What I Thought in 2006: I saw Waist Deep on a lark in Downtown Disney at the AMC Pleasure Island 24 of all places, so I think the movie got a vacation bump because of that. I enjoyed it as a Tyrese vehicle/time-waster at the time. I remember one dude in the audience was really into the car chase at the end between Tyrese and the police and was pantomiming driving really fast along with the movie.

• What I Think in 2026: Waist Deep isn’t great, but there’s things to like about it. It’s a little more ambitious than it needs to be, it gets going right away, and the characters are interesting enough even if they’re lacking dimension. I also really liked the father-son dynamic between Tyrese and Henry Hunter Hall, which gives the movie that Taken juice where you’re really invested and want the guy to get his kid back.

 by Rob DiCristino

Make it count!

Alright, everybody listen up. I want to talk to you about Will Gluck’s One Night Only, a charming romantic comedy featuring one of my favorite new stars (I’ll give you a hint: their name isn’t Callum Turner). If I’m going to do that, though — if I’m going to focus on what the movie is really about and not get distracted by details that it wants me to ignore — I’m going to have to air out a few stray complaints and grievances regarding its premise. Just bear with me for a second: Three years from now, in an effort to reduce teenage pregnancy, stop the spread of STIs, and generally mitigate society’s pervasive ills, the US government has outlawed premarital sex. To enforce this mandate, a big pharma conglomerate has outfitted everyone over eighteen with a small biosensor that tracks hormones, pheromones, and other sciency gobbledygook. If you’re unmarried and those levels hit Dangerously Sexy near someone else, you’re going to get arrested. One night a year, however, the restriction is lifted, and everyone is free to get down however they see fit. It’s the Purge, but for fucking.On this year’s “One Night” — no, I didn’t have a stroke; that’s just what everyone calls the annual twelve hours when unmarried people are allowed to get it on — pizza shop owner Owen (Turner) is planning to propose to his girlfriend (Maya Hawke). During their romantic dinner, however, she confesses that she wants to sleep with someone else. She promises that their relationship will survive this test and encourages the set-in-his-ways Owen to “get out of his box” by getting into some other woman’s box. Now, whereas you and I might consider this a deal-breaking transgression — these people have lived together in a committed relationship for years — this sexually-repressed era (era) has apparently made extra-curricular experimentation more acceptable. But why? Regardless of legality, why is Owen okay with this? Also, why would he wait for the One Night to propose? It isn’t the same as Valentine’s Day, and the film takes extra pains to explain that celebrants always prioritize their horniness over any romantic impulses. Choose literally any other day, right?

I have half a dozen other questions on that score, but let’s jump over to Allie (Monica Barbaro), a quirky single who makes a living singing those pharmaceutical-themed covers of pop songs. You know, Sara Bareilles’ “Brave,” but the lyrics are about plaque psoriasis? You get it. It’s very funny. Anyway, Allie’s the romantic type: Dolled up and heading out for the One Night, she and her bestie (Julia Fox) promise each other that they won’t just settle for “Mandate Dick” this year. In other words, no casual hookups. No, this time, Allie wants to meet her Prince Charming, someone she can forge a real connection with. Of course, the bestie immediately fucks off with the first stud she finds, leaving Allie alone in her principles with nary a Mandate Dick for consolation. But hang on. If her whole goal is a real connection, then why is she doing the One Night thing at all? Can’t she just go out and meet people and have conversations any day of the year? How isn’t there an app for this? Hell, you’re Monica Barbaro! Just go to a Barnes & Noble and wait for a hot dude to talk to you!But, look. I’m not an idiot. I understand that movies need plot mechanics and that those mechanics often stretch credulity. I’m not trying to be Cinema Sins about this. I understand that all this Mandate business is allegorical and that screenwriter Travis Braun is just asking “what if?” like a good sci-fi scribe should. After all, it’s been a while since we’ve had a high-concept romantic comedy like One Night Only, and I really do want to celebrate its ambition. There’s a treasure trove of great observational humor here, from the canny ways that corporations have monetized this holiday — a sign outside Equinox reads: “You’ve trained all year for this one night” — to the extreme lengths horny people will go to in order to secure the last condom in New York City. There are even political overtones at play, with characters like Owen’s mother and her boyfriend (Molly Ringwald and LeVar Burton) arguing over the fascism of the Mandate, itself (though no one explains the logistics of distributing biosensors in a country that couldn’t effectively manage a COVID vaccine).

So while it rarely strays from the narrative guardrails of traditional romantic comedy, One Night Only is nevertheless a refreshing crowd-pleaser that had me fondly recalling clever blockbusters like Josh Hartnett’s 40 Days and 40 Nights and one-crazy-night charmers like Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist. I still don’t really understand Callum Turner — though listening to him try to squeeze a New York accent over his English lilt like an ill-fitting Durex is comedy enough in itself — but Monica Barbaro is a movie star. The Top Gun: Maverick standout, singer, and Oscar nominee makes the most of her first major leading role, proving herself with comedy chops to match her powerful pipes. There’s a real x-factor to her whole affect, an innate empathy and emotional intelligence that helps her hold the screen in a film littered with familiar faces — including two funny cameos from Anyone But You stars Glen Powell and Sydney Sweeney — and kept me invested in her character when I should have been poking more holes in the film’s bewildering central conceit.Seriously, though. What about people under eighteen? Aren't teen pregnancy rates already down to historic lows? What happens if you get divorced? Do they withhold your certificate until you get your biomarker amended? Can married people sleep with other married people? We see police managing enforcement, but what about the other bureaucratic infrastructure? Sounds like socialized medicine to me! What if you start having sex before the buzzer, but you’re still at it when the buzzer goes off? Does everyone get to finish, or do they have to suffer a year of blue balls? Oh! There’s a reference to sex work at one point, and, like, what the hell’s going on there? How’s that a thing? And don’t even get me started on masturbation. Look, I know this is meant as a commentary on the banal idiocy of government and industry, and I’m with that, but I wish they’d offered more or less explanation to all this because now I can’t sleep. You know what? It’s a movie about hot people trying to have sex with each other. Maybe it’s best if we all just focus on that.

One Night Only hits U.S. theaters on Friday, August 7th.

 by Patrick Bromley

Eli Roth does it again.

Yes, Eli Roth does it again with Ice Cream Man. The "it" in that sentence is doing a lot of work, because if you're not a fan of the filmmaker's work there's nothing here that's going to turn you around. It is a non-stop assault of gore and juvenile anarchy, less a complete story with a beginning, middle, and end than it is a violent sketch played out to feature length. It's a 90-minute effects reel demonstrating every possible way to mutilate and eviscerate the human body as punchline after punchline. Some of you will read that and immediately know you want to stay as far away as you can. Others of you will read that and will want to see the movie as soon as possible. Just don't say you weren't warned.If you were to combine The Stuff with Cooties and Troma's Beware: Children at Play and the last 15 minutes of Weapons, you would more or less get Ice Cream Man. The film stars Ari Millen in a wordless role as the titular Ice Cream Man, who enters into a picturesque suburb and feeds all of the children frozen treats. That night, all of the kids go crazy and become mindless, pint-sized murders, wreaking havoc on all of the adults in over-the-top and disgusting fashion. A few kids who haven't consumed the ice cream (including Charlie Zeltzer and Ginny & Georgia's Sarah Abbott) try to escape the outbreak. That's pretty much it: once the premise has been established, writer/director Eli Roth uses it as a clothesline on which to hang gore gag after gore gag, rinse, repeat, roll credits. 
Eli Roth is a controversial figure in the genre for a whole bunch of reasons. His movies are divisive, his politics and past problematic for many. Independent of all that, I have pretty much liked every movie he's actually directed (yes, including Death Wish) even when it's taken me time or multiple viewings to come around on some. If I am able to separate the art from the artist, I have been a fan of the former going back to his first films. Cabin Fever and the Hostel films are among my favorite horror movies of the 2000s, and I thought Thanksgiving was a terrific slasher with a decidedly retro feel -- the kind of thing made for VHS even when it's not rolling out its old-school influences every couple of minutes like so much post-Grindhouse horror. Ice Cream Man seems to be going for that, too, though it's much accomplished in that arena. The film wants to present 90 minutes of little kids fucking people up. In that, I suppose it succeeds.The irony of Ice Cream Man, sure to be savaged by both genre critics and non-genre critics alike, is that if it had been a 1990 release that was recently unearthed and restored to 4K by the likes of Vinegar Syndrome, horror fans would be going crazy for it. The movie has that kind of energy, feeling more like DIY regional horror than anything with a studio budget. That's probably because Roth has forgone big studios this time around, instead opting to release Ice Cream Man through his recently-founded label The Horror Section (the same company responsible for putting out Joe Begos' insane Jimmy & Stiggs last year). That gives Roth the freedom to do whatever he wants on screen, including making a movie that consists of 90 minutes of gore and edgelord humor, all involving children (12-year olds with eating disorders! Ha!). I'm happy to for any horror filmmaker to have that kind of creative license. I'm not sure Roth makes the best use of it.I enjoyed parts of Ice Cream Man more than I probably should in spite of myself, laughing out loud at several of the gags -- in some cases because of the timing, in some of the effect, and in some rare cases out of disbelief at what the director was putting on screen. In the end, none of this matters because Roth recently confirmed the use of generative AI in making the movie. That means I can't really support the movie and can't recommend anyone else does either. I'll stop writing here because it's what we call a "dealbreaker." If you need to see Ice Cream Man at some point in your life, wait 40 years until AI has taken over and our insect overlords are putting it out on special edition Blu-ray. That's how it's meant to be seen.

Patrick and Adam Riske read Sutter Cane.


   Download this episode here.
Listen to F This Movie! on Apple Podcasts.
Also discussed this episode: Spider-Man: Brand New Day (2026), Pinocchio Unstrung (2026), The Gentleman Thief (2026), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006), Rosewood (1997), Can't Hardly Wait (1998), The Devil Wears Prada 2 (2026),