by Rob DiCristino

It’s Ryan Gosling and a friendly space rock. Buy a ticket.

The sun is dying. Wait, sorry. Not the real sun. Well, maybe that one, too. I don’t know much about the real sun, but everything else sucks, so I wouldn’t be surprised if something’s going on there. Regardless, let me start over: In Project Hail Mary, our sun — and hundreds of other suns in hundreds of distant galaxies — is being devoured by a body of space bacteria called Astrophage. As anyone who saw Danny Boyle’s Sunshine will recall, the sun dimming even ten percent will cause a catastrophic global ice age on Earth within just a few decades. Only one local star, Tau Ceti, is immune from the Astrophage plague — let’s call it the Astroplague — and Earth’s governments have convened to discover why. They’ve developed a way to use Astrophage as interstellar fuel and built a spaceship — the Hail Mary — that will travel to Tau Ceti and unlock the secrets of the Astroplague. Three astronauts are recruited for a suicide mission. One dies in training. His replacement? A middle school science teacher named Dr. Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling). Go!Yes, despite the impenetrable density of its source material — author Andy Weir’s (The Martian) hard sci-fi bestseller of the same name — that’s all an eager theatergoer really needs to understand Project Hail Mary, the latest from action/comedy maestros Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. Waking from an induced coma without a clue as to who he is or how he ended up alone in deep space, Dr. Grace must shake off his amnesia, remember his mission, and execute it before the Earth turns into a popsicle. Luckily, he has help: A scientist from the planet Eridani — which is also dying of the Astroplague — is nearby! Trouble is, he’s a faceless rock spider about the size of a toaster oven who doesn’t speak English. Or any language. He doesn’t even have a mouth. This is an Andy Weir joint, however, so Dr. Grace will Science the Shit Out of the Problem until he and his pint-sized partner — whom he dubs “Rocky” (voiced and puppeteered by James Ortiz) — establish communication, cure the Astroplague, and, wouldn’t you know it, become best friends.

Even on the page, Project Hail Mary has the makings of a superb springtime blockbuster: it’s a big, expensive unit of studio entertainment that engages with its audience’s intelligence without overwhelming it. Screenwriter Drew Goddard streamlines all the relativistic astrophysics of Weir’s novel so that we never lose the heart of the piece — the real universe-saving mission was the friends we made along the way — and flashbacks to Dr. Grace’s time on Earth give us important context for his journey to martyrdom. The real fun of Project Hail Mary, though, is in the execution: Familiar faces like Lost’s Ken Leung, The Bear’s Lionel Boyce, and Anatomy of a Fall’s Sandra Hüller give the flashbacks a nice emotional grounding, while a canny mix of practical and digital effects lend the space sequences a tactility that most actioners of this scale wouldn’t bother with. Chris Dickens’ editing is smooth and upbeat, making even the most tense moments of Project Hail Mary feel like a joyride. A cold, dark, airless, joyride in space, perhaps, but a joyride nonetheless.None of it works without Ryan Gosling, of course, who’s here in top-tier Nice Guys flibbertigibbet mode. Clad in a rotation of nerdcore t-shirts and cozy hoodies — and, to my delight, tucking his glasses under his chin like Daniel Craig in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo — Gosling unleashes a self-effacing charm assault that few leading men of his ilk have the confidence, or indeed the opportunity, to deploy. Dr. Grace was ostracized from the scientific community for his controversial ideas on biology — hence the middle school teaching job — and teetered on the edge of despair until the Astroplague made those ideas look like a reasonable alternative to, you know, passive acceptance of our collective extinction. Still, Dr. Grace is no thrill-seeker, and Project Hail Mary spends far more time developing his relationship with Rocky than on the fate of humanity. This costs the film some dramatic tension later on — we’re never quite as concerned for Dr. Grace’s survival as we are for, say, Matt Damon’s in The Martian — but it never matters all that much.So while nitpickers will pick their nits at some of the more notable omissions from the novel — most of which amount to pages of inscrutable molecular biology — Project Hail Mary is a winning crowd-pleaser that gives far more to its audience than it asks from it. It’s another exceptional vehicle for Ryan Gosling, who continues to lend his star power to engaging mainstream projects that somehow still manage to hang just left of center (The Fall Guy is weird and good, actually). James Ortiz’s work with Rocky is seamless and delightful, recalling the E.T.s and Yodas of puppeteering golden eras (era) past. More than anything else, though, Project Hail Mary solidifies Andy Weir as the most prominent and exciting voice in popular science fiction entertainment, a working-class answer to the abstract science fantasy of Christopher Nolan and the lush, prestige spectacle of Denis Villeneuve. You don’t need an advanced degree to appreciate the enduring brotherhood between a Canadian hunk and his Pokemon sidekick, do you? Of course you don’t, silly.

Project Hail Mary hits U.S. theaters on Friday, March 20th.

Who loves Patrick and Doug and who do Patrick and Doug love?



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Also discussed this episode: Monolith (2023), The Running Man (2025), Companion (2025), The Rip (2026), The Moment (2026), A Little Prayer (2025), One Way Passage (1932), The Last Video Store (2023)

 by JB

I must say, I found the winners last Sunday night to be amazing and surprising...

...Amazing and surprising because I agreed so wholeheartedly with so many of them. I am on record here, constantly nit-picking and second-guessing, and have often suggested that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences usually gets these things wrong. This time they got it oh-so-right.1. Both Conan’s Weapons-inspired opening montage and his monologue were spot on. It was the funniest opening in years. And because I personally found the running children in Weapons to be terrifying, I appreciated Conan poking fun at it so I can finally start sleeping at night.

2. At the beginning of the broadcast, I realized that a good deal of the night would essentially be Sinners vs. One Battle After Another. Because I thought both films were extraordinary, I settled in for an evening of pleasures.3. I actually really liked the set design this year. It reminded me of our favorite Asian-inspired restaurant in North Hollywood.

4. Please note: I had a funny feeling that F1, which I did not see, and Frankenstein, which I did not like, would take home some “ancillary awards” like Sound, Editing, Costumes, and Make-Up. Thinking like an Academy voter, I reasoned that F1 had loud car races in it, which involve sound. Frankenstein had a monster in it, which involves make-up. Turns out, I was right.

5. The first actual award was not given out until 21 minutes into the broadcast. Uh-oh.

6. Zoe Saldana used the phrase “balls to the wall.” Another first in Oscar history, given that Mary Tyler Moore was not allowed to read the speech she had prepared in 1981.7. Amy Madigan won Best Supporting Actress for Weapons, a horror film. Oscar famously hates horror films. Gee, could more people who actually deserve to win take home statues tonight? That would be GREAT.

8. K-Pop Demon Hunters won Best Animated film. The best film in the category won the award. Wait, is this a trend?

9. How odd that Kate Hawley won Best Costumes for Frankenstein and accepted the award wearing a borrowed raincoat and a hospital gown.

10. The censor missed Hawley’s swear word, dropping the audio just one second too late. You all heard what she said. This night was clearly going to be balls to the wall!11. There was a tie amongst the Best Short Subject Award winners: Singers and Two People Exchanging Saliva both won Oscars. Both films are honestly excellent. Bravo.

12. Sean Penn won Best Supporting Actor for his overly showy roll in One Battle After Another. I would have preferred any of the other nominees. Could the Academy just love hateful, cartoonish villains—or, in our current political climate, could Academy voters just love a hateful, cartoonish villain who get humiliated and punished in nasty ways?13. Conan did a comedy bit with Sterling K. Brown, spoofing Casablanca. Brown played what looked like Sam’s iconic piano from the film. The actual piano is part of the Academy’s collection; it’s on display in their museum. My wife and I theorized that Conan had the real prop sent over from the museum—it sure looked like it. That would be cool!

THIS JUST IN: AI informs me that it was NOT. “The piano featured in the Casablanca spoof with Conan O'Brien and Sterling K. Brown on the 2026 Oscar telecast was a replica, not the original 1942 film prop. The actual piano used in Casablanca is a rare 58-key cabaret-style piano, known for its distinct green and distressed yellow coloring.” Oh well. Still a fun bit!

14. Symbolizing the real competition of the evening, Ryan Coogler won Best Original Screenplay for Sinners; Paul Thomas Anderson won Best Adapted Screenplay for One Battle After Another. Coogler receives a standing ovation.

15. A lot of beloved movie people died this year. The “In Memoriam” montage was broken into two parts; Billy Crystal paid tribute to Rob Reiner at the beginning, Rachel McAdams waxed nostalgic about Diane Keaton halfway through, and Barbara Streisand eulogized Robert Redford at the end. The whole thing was very moving, especially when Babs started singing “The Way We Were.”16. Sigourney Weaver presented... and did a funny bit with Kate Hudson and Grogu in the audience. Conan O’Brian points out that Grogu is incapable of clapping. But HE TRIED, dammit, and isn't that WHAT ART IS ALL ABOUT?!

17. Autumn Durald Arkapaw won Best Cinematography for Sinners and became the first woman to ever win that award... in 98 years. The first! A trailblazer.18. Joachim Trier won Best International Film for Sentimental Value and pointed out that 1,792 people worked on the film. Sentimental Value received about NOK 32.9 million (that's more than $3 million) in grants and funding from the Norwegian Film Institute. It makes one wish that more countries would subsidize filmmaking as a nationalized jobs program; some countries prefer to gut federal spending on the arts. Go figure.

19. Trier identified himself as a “film nerd” and said, “I’m so happy to call the movies ‘home.’” This reminded me of a sentence from Sandra Cisneros’ The House on Mango Street, a book that I taught for many years. Cisneros wrote of creating “a home in the heart.” These two concepts quickly sent me down a rabbit hole, thinking about the home we have created together here at F This Movie—scores of people who all call the movies "home". And I thought about all of you readers and listeners, and all of our contributors to the site, and how we have created a home in the heart for each other: F This Movie Fest, Junesploitation, and Scary Movie Month are all just occasional, virtual family reunions.20. It really was great night, was it not?

 by Adam Riske

Nominated for “Choice Movie: Chick Flick” at the Teen Choice Awards. It lost to The Holiday.

• Best Scene/Moment: The movie is mostly just sex scenes and arguing scenes, so I’ll say the sex scenes.

• Best Song: Way too many to choose from including “Chocolate” by Snow Patrol, “Today’s the Day” by Aimee Mann, and “Prophecy” by Remy Zero, but I’ll go with “Warning Sign” by Coldplay as my favorite.• Best Merch: A “The Last Kiss Movie CD Press Kit…” for $17.99. I like this because it looks like evidence you gathered in your work as a private detective. Plus, you get a manilla folder and those always come in handy. I worked at Office Depot as a teen and there’s something about a new box of manilla file folders that makes you feel like you’re on the right track. O.D. Boy for life! Wait, that doesn’t sound right. That would be the wrong track.

• Director Grade: The Last Kiss was directed by Tony Goldwyn.
Great Movies: N/A
Good Movies: N/A
OK Movies: The Last Kiss
Bad Movies: N/A
Unseen By Me: A Walk on the Moon, Someone Like You, Conviction, Ezra
Overall Grade: B-

• Double It with This 2006 Movie: The Break-Up

• Year 2006 Movies to Trailer Before Them: A Good Year, The Holiday, The Lake House

• Ella McCay or The Last Kiss? Ella McCay• Mall Movie? No. The success of Garden State and The Last Kiss being a romantic drama for adults would ensure it a spot at the fancy theater in town.

• Only in 2006 (tie): The “other woman” being played by the seemingly harmless Rachel Bilson and scenes where the parents of the woman who was cheated on are shockingly empathetic of the man who cheated on their daughter.

• Scene Stealer (tie): Jacinda Barrett and Michael Weston.

• I Miss: Tom Wilkinson.

• I Don’t Miss: Zach Braff romantic dramedies where he’s the worst but we’re put in the position where we’re supposed to side with him because he’s the protagonist.• 2006 Crush (tie): Cindy Sampson and Marley Shelton.

• 2026 Crush (tie): Jacinda Barrett and Lauren Lee Smith.

• What I Thought in 2006: I remember liking The Last Kiss at least as much as I used to like Garden State (which I don’t anymore). I was a more susceptible young male viewer back in 2006, so I was like “we’re men and these are our stories about love.” I also remember loving the soundtrack and feeling like Zach Braff secretly made this instead of Tony Goldwyn (kind of a Kevin Costner/Kevin Reynolds situation) although I have no proof that happened and it’s solely a gut feeling.

• What I Think in 2026: I’m of two minds on The Last Kiss. On one hand, it’s cringy and hasn’t aged well in the past 20 years. You could say it’s being “honest” about male behavior of a certain age, but the movie also finds certain things permissible that it probably shouldn’t. On the other hand, it’s certainly watchable and the soundtrack kicks ass.

 

 by Rob DiCristino

This is why you shouldn’t start a podcast.

Every film textbook I’ve ever owned includes a chapter on the power of cinematic sound. “Music and sound effects are fifty percent of every movie,” they’ll invariably say, and while composers and audio engineers rarely get the recognition afforded to actors, directors, and production designers, that stack of textbooks on my bookshelf is correct. Think about how lame the skateboard chase in Back to the Future would be without Alan Silvestri’s iconic theme thundering in the background. Think about how artificial the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park would seem without Gary Rydstrom’s legendary blend of screeches, cackles, rumbles, and roars. Think about the warmth you feel in your soul when you hear Indiana Jones punch a Nazi. Hell, think about Star Wars. Like, any of it. With all due respect to the great artists of the Silent Era (Era), movies without sound are hardly movies at all, and as projection formats like IMAX and Dolby Atmos grow more sophisticated, the influence of sound on our cinematic experience only grows more powerful.Ian Tuason’s Undertone is an ambitious exercise in that power, a two-handed chamber piece about a paranormal podcaster (Nina Kiri as Evy) who discovers a horrifying connection between her dying mother (Michele Duquet) and her co-host’s (Adam DiMarco as Justin) latest case study. Evy’s normally the Scully to Justin’s Mulder on their podcast: Most episodes begin with Justin presenting evidence of ghostly phenomena that Evy will then debunk with logic and reason. This week’s case, however, is a little harder to explain: An anonymous listener has submitted a series of voice notes chronicling one young couple’s (Keana Lyn Bastidas and Jeff Yung) possession by a demonic entity with roots in children’s folk songs like “Ring Around the Rosy” and “Baa Baa, Black Sheep.” Evy initially holds to her skepticism, but as her catatonic mother’s behavior grows erratic — and the reality of her own unwanted pregnancy starts to sink in — she’s forced to admit that there just might be something sinister at play. Worse, she might be its next target.

There’s plenty of convoluted lore to unpack over Undertone’s eighty-five minutes — get ready to examine hidden messages in reversed audio tracks for, well, a while! — but what clearly interests freshman writer/director Tuason the most is atmosphere: His film plays out entirely in Evy’s childhood home, and she’s the only character we both see and hear on screen. Justin joins in over Zoom audio — he’s somewhere in the UK, which explains why they record the podcast around 3 AM EST — and Evy ignores all but one call from her boyfriend, Darren (Ryan Turner). In short, we’re alone with Evy most of the time, with periodic visits to her mother’s bedside breaking up the long, quiet stretches we spend watching her listen to things. Cinematographer Graham Beasley embraces wide angles to exaggerate her solitude and slow, deliberate pans to guide our attention to the house’s darker crevices. Though it does indulge in its share of jump scares, Undertone is all about the waiting. The listening. The subtle movements you swear you saw just a second ago.We may spend most of Undertone staring at stucco ceilings and empty hallways, but what the film lacks in visual texture it more than makes up for with a soundscape that is both intimate and expansive. As Evy listens intently to each new audio file, the line between what she’s hearing and the space around her begins to blur. Soon enough, we’re starting to wonder: Was that loud thud on the recording or in Evy’s kitchen? Is that Justin’s voice or the man on the tape? Why does the camera keep drifting over to that closet? How does the ghost lady know the song that Evy’s mother sang to her as a child? Undertone’s narrative may not amount to much — coherence starts leaking around the thirty-minute mark, and by the end we’ve fully entered Silent Hill territory — but there’s a kitchen-sink playfulness to Tuason’s experimentation that helps us forgive his parade of undercooked cliches and half-thoughts. Undertone is dynamic enough to reward a surround-sound theatrical viewing — or, for the real sickos, a 4K laptop and a good pair of headphones.For all its earnest enthusiasm, Undertone is more of a curiosity than a finished product, and it pales in comparison to similar efforts like Red Rooms or Skinamarink. Nina Kiri (The Handmaid’s Tale) is too busy scowling and shrieking to give Evy much interiority, and far too many story threads — Justin’s complicity in the chaos his discovery unleashes, for example — go unexplored. Without that depth, Undertone starts to grate after a while, and the rapt attention it demands inevitably becomes exhausting. To his credit, Tuason does manage a few haunting images — one bleeding face on a TV screen has stuck with me since my screening — and he’s craftsman enough not to telegraph all the best scares with the obnoxious startle cues so many horror directors use as crutches. Undertone would have made a great short, actually; Tuason’s tricks would feel innovative without wearing out their welcome. Oh, well. At least this film has the wit and wisdom to make fun of podcasters. Those people really are the worst.

Undertone hits U.S. theaters today, March 13th.

 by Patrick Bromley

When Going Back to the Well isn't always such a bad thing.

Legacy sequels have become so commonplace in our current cinematic ecosystem that it's easy to forget that they don't all exist to nakedly cash in on our IP nostalgia. There have been some really good ones over the years! Here are 10 of them.

1. Psycho II (1983, dir. Richard Franklin)Talk about a movie that probably shouldn't exist. There is nothing in Alfred Hitchcock's 1960 masterpiece that suggests there's more story to be told, and trying to sequelize one of the greatest horror movies ever made by one of the greatest to ever do it really seems like a fool's errand. Credit to director Richard Franklin and screenwriter Tom Holland, then, for making a sequel that, one some days, I'd sooner put on than the original. Picking up 20 years after the events of the first movie, the sequel dives deep into Norman Bates' psychology as he tries to cope with the things he's done and live with his illness. It's fascinating and Anthony Perkins gives a tour de force performance returning to the role that would more or less define his career. There's some stupid '80s shit in here like a higher body count and more graphic violence -- as well as an attempt to add a new twist that really, really does not work -- but for nearly all of its running time, Psycho II is a kind of miracle movie.
2. Texasville (1990, dir. Peter Bogdanovich)Revisiting the characters of The Last Picture Show 30 years into adulthood probably seemed like a bad idea when Texasville was released in 1990, but it at least it wasn't Peter Bogdanovich's bad idea. Credit goes to the original author, Larry McMurtry, on whose sequel novel his own screenplay is based. Most of the cast members return for what was an early version of what is considered a "legacy sequel," which picks up more than 30 years after the events of the first film. The whole thing feels broader than its predecessor -- a product of its time, no doubt -- but it's also more cheerful and upbeat, too, a victory lap celebration of these characters that also manages to find things to say about aging, love, loss, and legacy.
3. Escape from L.A. (1996, dir. John Carpenter)Every time John Carpenter comes up on the podcast or in writing, I mention that I'm always trying to figure out what the next great discovery in his filmography will be among fans. It's happened with nearly every one of his movies that underperformed and possibly even received bad reviews at the time but then went on to be considered a genre classic: The Thing, Prince of Darkness, In the Mouth of Madness, the list goes on. I'm kind of hoping it will be Escape from L.A., his 1996 legacy sequel to Escape from New York and a film of which I've been a fan since seeing it opening night. I get that it's over the top and a little silly. So is Los Angeles. Carpenter leans much more heavily into comedy for this follow-up, which once again finds Snake Plissken dispatched to an American city on a suicide mission to rescue someone (or something) important. Like New York, it's episodic and introduces a colorful cast of supporting characters, not all of whom hold up super well (looking at you, Carjack Malaone), but it's funnier and ultimately even darker than its predecessor, boasting one of the great endings of the 1990s. Welcome to the human race indeed.
4. The Two Jakes (1990, dir. Jack Nicholson)More than any other title, this is the movie that inspired this list. I've always found The Two Jakes to be a worthy follow-up to Roman Polanski's Chinatown -- not as good, but worthy -- but I also know I'm in a minority in this opinion. Robert Towne was originally going to direct this follow-up (with Nicholson reprising his role as detective Jake Gittes and former Paramount head Robert Evans playing the other Jake) but a long and trouble production history stretching over a decade eventually led to Nicholson stepping into the director's chair for the version we got. It's good! Sure, the mystery is a little convoluted, but so is the one in Chinatown. I'm a sucker for a private detective, and if that private detective is played by one of the best to ever do it, I'm pretty much onboard. Plus, Hot Stowe!
5. 2010: The Year We Make Contact (1984, dir. Peter Hyams)My beloved Peter Hyams finally scored his first big box office hit with this sequel to Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey -- on paper, yet another impossible proposition -- working closely with Arthur C. Clarke to adapt his 1982 novel 2010. This is much more a direct sequel than I ever realized, more Blade Runner 2049 than the in-name-only movie I was expecting. 2010 manages to be faithful and respectful to the Kubrick film while still functioning as its own thing. This is thoughtful, adult science fiction that stands out among the glut of genre movies crowding theaters in the first half of the 1980s and, divorced of the expectations from when it came out, can be appreciated as a worthy sequel and one of Hyams' strongest efforts. It's not the Kubrick film, but what can be?
6. Phantasm: Ravager (2016, dir. David Hartman)Ok, hear me out. I know Ravager has its flaws and an argument could be made that it's the weakest of the Phantasm series. I give it so much credit, though, for having something on its mind more than just keeping a phranchise alive. This is a messy, low-budget movie with at-times questionable visual effects, but it's also commenting on the End of Things and how we approach death. It's rare for a movie this deep into a long-running horror series to have this strong of an emotional core, but it's a testament to our relationship to these characters (and the actors who have played them in almost every entry, save for Phantasm 2's bit of temporary recasting) that the finale of this sequel is genuinely moving.
7. Blues Brothers 2000 (1998, dir. John Landis)I know that this will be an unpopular pick because the movie and its director are pretty widely hated amidst the online Movie Discourse. And while I won't defend John Landis' actions or his humanity and while I won't argue that Blues Brothers 2000 is as good a movie as the original Blues Brothers, I do think it's much better than its reputation would suggest. Yes, the absence of the late John Belushi is felt (the filmmakers replace him with not one but three separate characters: John Goodman, Joe Morton, and a kid) and yes there are times when it feels like everyone involved is attempting to reheat a souffle, but I still think 2000 works ok as a big musical. Because I'm not especially precious about the original Blues Brothers (sorry, JB, I swear I like it), I can still enjoy myself and the well-staged musical numbers of even a lesser version.
8. The Rage: Carrie II (1999, dir. Katt Shea)I maintain that if this had just been a loose remake of Brian De Palma's Carrie (which it mostly is) instead of a direct sequel, it would be a better movie. But then it couldn't appear on this list, could it? The inclusion of elements from the original movie -- chief among them the reappearance of Amy Irving as Sue Snell, who deserved better -- feels almost like a studio note instead of something in which director Katt Shea was really interested. This is a better remake of Carrie than any of the other remakes of Carrie, of which there have already been two as of this writing. 
9. The Godfather Part III (1990, dir. Francis Ford Coppola)It seems silly to call a sequel to two of the best movies ever made and one which was nominated for multiple Academy Awards including Best Picture "underrated," but The Godfather Part III hasn't enjoyed the kind of life and respect afforded to its predecessors. It's the red-headed stepchild of the trilogy, but it's still good! I like all the stuff with Michael Corleone trying to atone for his past sins. I like Andy Garcia's super-intense performance and Joe Mantegna's Joey Zaza. I even like Sofia Coppola's unaffected and raw performance as Michael's daughter -- the aspect of the film most critics at the time (and since) cited as being the movie's biggest problem. I still haven't seen Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone, which might be an even better movie, but I like the theatrical cut and will go to bat for it.
10. Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024, dir. Tim Burton)It took so many years and so many false starts to get a legacy sequel to Beetlejuice to screens, which becomes apparent when watching 2024's Beetlejuice Beetlejuice because it feels like at least one idea was kept from every different draft of a script that got written. It's overly busy, for sure, but everyone involved is clearly enjoying themselves -- none more than Tim Burton, who feels excited and alive to try ideas for the first time this century. I'll stand up for a well-intentioned mess even when it's born out of cash-grabby studio cynicism because no one in front of or behind the camera approaches this movie cynically.

The gang recaps F This Movie Fest 2026, recorded live right after the fest.



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 by JB

I wonder what his pronouns are?

I will admit that 1959’s Oscar wunderkind Ben-Hur was a huge, widescreen hole in my ginormous film knowledge base. Before the release of the new 4K Blu-ray disc, I had never seen it.

(I pause here for Biblical jeering, insults and approbation. ”Insults and Approbation,” by the way, was the name of a band I was in when I was in college.)

I am glad I finally saw it. The new 4K transfer is getting kudos everywhere it is reviewed. It’s a restoration of an old-fashioned, widescreen roadshow epic that you simply must see. Although it’s only March, I feel confident in saying that this will be one of the best discs of the year.I am on record here as being no fan of 1955’s The Ten Commandments and have poked gentle fun at it several times lo these past fifteen years. I am now convinced that Ben-Hur is the “antidote film” to Commandments in terms of comparable religious epics.

Ben-Hur is everything The Ten Commandments wishes it could be. Ben-Hur is compelling; Commandments is turgid. Ben-Hur contains two of cinema’s greatest action scenes; Commandments is inert. Ben-Hur’s dialogue is natural and concise; Commandments’ dialogue is limp, purple, and silly, even though the finished film lists four screenwriters. Ben-Hur’s performances are vivid and memorable; Commandments’ performances somehow manage to be both cardboard and overwrought. Ben-Hur’s direction is deft; Commandments’ direction is elementary and crude. Ben-Hur’s score, by Miklos Rozsa, is beautiful and compelling; Commandments’ score, by Elmer Bernstein, is uncharacteristically forgettable.I could go on and on. In one of the few examples of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences getting something right, The Ten Commandments won one measly Oscar, Best Special Effects. (Around the World in 80 Days won Best Picture that year.) Ben-Hur went home with eleven, a record at that time: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Cinematography, Best Original Score, Best Film Editing, Best Special Effects, Best Production Design, and Best Costume Design. It only lost in a single category in which it was nominated, Best Adapted Screenplay. This is a record matched only by Titanic and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.

THE PLOT IN BRIEF. REMEMBER, THE FILM IS FOUR HOURS LONG: Messala (Stephen Boyd) returns to Jerusalem, the city of his childhood, because he has been made Roman Commander of the Fortress Antonia there. He is reunited with his childhood friend, Judah Ben-Hur (Charlton Heston) a rich Jewish prince and merchant. Messala wants Judah to rat out local Jews who oppose Roman rule; Judah refuses.An accident involving loose roofing tiles gives Messala the excuse to have Judah and his mother and sister thrown in jail. Judah is sentenced to row in the galley of a warship—a death sentence. While being transported to the ship, Judah drops from exhaustion and thirst, but a local carpenter offers him water. This “local carpenter” may or may not become important later in the story.

Judah excels at rowing and actually manages to stay alive during an epic and arduous battle at sea. He saves the life of Roman Consul Quintus Arrius (Jack Hawkins). Returning to Rome, Arrius petitions Emperor Tiberius to free Judah, then adopts Judah as his son. Judah becomes a master charioteer, largely by befriending the horses and treating them well.Judah seizes on an opportunity to compete in a chariot race against Messala and extract his revenge. The chariot race is brutal, even by brutal Roman chariot race standards, made even more so because Messala, for some strange reason, is allowed to have chariot wheels with sharp, spinning spikes sticking out of them. MASSIVE SPOILER ALERT: Judah wins the race. Messala falls from his chariot, is trampled by horses, and breaks every bone in his body. Judah searches for his mother and sister. He does not like what he finds.

The chariot race is rightly the most famous scene in the picture. It took five weeks to shoot and cost over a million dollars. Stars Charlton Heston and Stephen Boyd actually learned how to drive chariots, and the fact that it’s really them in most shots helps to sell the scene’s realism. Seven thousand extras were hired to play the crowd in the stands. Seventy-eight horses were trained to pull the chariots. The sequence was directed by Andrew Marton and legendary stuntman Yakima Canutt, filmmakers who often acted as second-unit directors on other director's films. The ratio of footage shot to footage used in the sequence was 263 to 1, one of the highest ratios ever for a Hollywood film. Sergio Leone was one of the assistant directors in the sequence’s second unit crew. The finished sequence is sixteen minutes of pure cinema.I was blown away by the quality of the image here; it’s one of the best 4K Blu-ray discs I have ever seen. Focus is razor sharp; colors are vivid and eye-popping; the level of fine detail is reference quality; and the soundtrack is clear, booming where it needs to be, and pleasing to the ear. I felt that viewing this disc on my massive flat screen TV was the closest I was ever going to get to an authentic 1950s roadshow experience, unless someone decides to buy the Cinerama Dome and reopen it.

Please buy the Cinerama Dome and reopen it.

 by Adam Riske and Patrick Bromley

Ten new double features to help you through F This Movie Fest withdrawal.

Double Feature 1:

Adam: #1: Little Italy (2018)
Patrick: #2: Mystic Pizza (1988)
Patrick: Trailers/Shorts: Slice, “Avoid the Noid” TV Spot, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: Dream Master
Patrick: Theme: Pizza! Pizza!

Patrick: My favorite food is pizza! Let us devote an entire night to its glory. I still have never seen Little Italy so I’m excited to check it out on the big screen and serve up some slices during the show. Also, I love Mystic Pizza, a movie that would never be made in 2026 because there’s no room for it in our current ecosystem. Does the pizza scene in NoES 4 gross you out as much as it does me? Not because Freddy is eating human souls but because someone has requested full-size giant meatballs on their pizza. Who are these sociopaths?

Adam: This double feature sounds delightful. Did you know you paired two Donald Petrie movies? He made two pizza movies! The man went back for another slice. I really enjoy both Little Italy (OMG Roberts) and Mystic Pizza (OMGish) so this is in the running for my Patrick pick when we do another FNDF podcast in November. I’m right there with you on being grossed out by Freddy meatballs. It’s maybe worse than the Roach Motel and that’s saying something.

Double Feature 2:

Patrick: #1: Bottoms (2023)
Adam: #2: Wuthering Heights (2026)
Adam: Trailers/Shorts: The Moment, Mother Mary, The Angry Birds Movie, UglyDolls, 30-minute Music Video Block
Adam: Theme: At the Movies with Charli XCX

Adam: This one’s for you bud! I know how much of a fan you are of Charli XCX, so I wanted to build a night around her pretty great work in cinema. I’m playing catch-up by comparison with most fans of hers, but I really love her music in Bottoms and her music being a hook for the new Wuthering Heights is one of the main reasons I’m interested in seeing that movie. Have you watched The Moment yet? How was it? I’m looking forward to Mother Mary with the combo of Charli XCX (as a composer/contributor to the music) and Anne Hathaway. It’s enough to supersede my occasional David Lowery allergy.

Patrick: You’re such a good friend. I’m coming to this first just for the 30-minute video block so I can spend more time with my girl. The Moment is pretty weird! Like it doesn’t really commit to a tone, but I love that it’s what Charli wants to do instead of a regular concert movie or something like that. She’s a believer in cinema! I love her Bottoms score, and her Wuthering Heights score is my favorite album of the year so far. It kicks that movie up an entire star. I didn’t realize she had a David Lowery joint in the pipeline but now I’m eagerly awaiting it. Did you hear she’s making a movie with Takashi Miike? She’s such a real one.

Double Feature 3:Adam: #1: Out for Justice (1991)
Patrick: #2: Marked for Death (1990)
Patrick: Trailers/Shorts: Above the Law, Machete, Executive Decision
Patrick: Theme: Seagal + Good Directors

Patrick: I know this theme is pretty obvious because Seagal only worked with good directors for the first few years of his career, meaning I could have just as easily made this an “Early Seagal” night (minus the Machete). These are movies that are meant to be watched together. What’s your favorite early Seagal? I seem to remember it’s Under Siege, which I didn’t program a trailer for only because he was reuniting with Andrew Davis from Above the Law.

Adam: Under Siege and Out for Justice are my #1 and #2 Seagals overall. This pairing would be a blast. Can we not have him attend the screenings? This is a good theme because now I’m thinking about how fortunate a lot of these ‘90s action stars were to have solid directors helming their early movies (e.g. guys like Sheldon Lettich, Kevin Hooks, John Woo, etc.).

Double Feature 4:

Patrick: #1: The End of Violence (1997)
Adam: #2: Warriors of Virtue (1997)
Adam: Trailers/Shorts: Turbulence, Zeus and Roxanne, Red Corner
Adam: Theme: MGM 1997

Adam: I think my favorite theme to do on Friday Night Double Features is picking a year and a studio and building a night around their output. It probably makes more sense to have Red Corner (a deeply silly movie masquerading as a serious movie) as the second feature but I couldn’t resist the whiplash of playing Warriors of Virtue (which you bought for me on Blu-ray!) as the second movie after The End of Violence. Is that a Bill Pullman movie you like? I haven’t seen it, although I am a fan of the one Wim Wenders movie I have seen (Perfect Days). I’m woefully behind on his filmography.

Patrick: I’m totally deficient in my Wim Wenders too! End of Violence might be the only movie of his that I’ve seen, making this a real My Blueberry Nights situation. I like The End of Violence for the cast and for the LA and for the Pullman of it all, but I wouldn’t defend it as being a great movie. I’m stoked to finally see Warriors of Virtue at last, especially sitting right next to its biggest fan. We do sit next to each other at these doubles, right? Am I crowding you?

Double Feature 5:Adam: #1: Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar (2021)
Patrick: #2: Tenet (2020)
Patrick: Trailers/Shorts: Da 5 Bloods, Miss Juneteenth, Palm Springs
Patrick: Theme: Best of COVID

Patrick: Barb and Star is one of the only good comedies of the last 10 years and it was doomed by its release date. I like the idea of fixing that with a double of COVID releases even though pairing it with Tenet is probably a terrible idea that selfishly is just for me. I know Tenet still made money from all those side-of-building screenings, but I’ve never gotten to see it on the big screen and I’m excited for this double.

Adam: Lol. That side-of-building screening of Tenet was a moment where I had to take stock of my life and the decisions that led up to that event. I’d like to revisit Tenet. It hasn’t clicked for me yet. I really liked Barb and Star back in 2021 but kind of forgot about it until recently when I was going through my collection. I remember thinking the evil Kristin Wiig was cute even though they made her look creepy. I’m broken.

Double Feature 6:

Patrick: #1: The 400 Blows (1959)
Adam: #2: 300 (2007)
Adam: Trailers/Shorts: 200 Cigarettes, One Hundred and One Dalmatians, Zero Effect
Adam: Theme: Countdown

Adam: It’s hard to pick a second feature to follow The 400 Blows, which is a landmark film, so I went with a frat bro classic and a silly theme to follow. I dunno. I’m embarrassed that I’ve only seen the first half of The 400 Blows but have seen 300 twice in full.

Patrick: I like this double for how insane it is. The 400 Blows is really good! 300 is less good but I haven’t seen it since opening night so maybe it’s great and better than The 400 Blows and I’M the problem?

Double Feature 7:Adam: #1: Free Willy (1993)
Patrick: #2: Quigley Down Under (1990)
Patrick: Trailers/Shorts: RoboCop, Under Siege 2, Conan the Barbarian
Patrick: Theme: Score by Basil Poledouris

Patrick: I love the Free Willy score. Thanks for introducing me to that movie. I wanted to program it with another movie with a score I love and immediately landed on Basil Poledouris’ score for Quigley Down Under, a great and underrated western that’s BONUS also directed by Simon Wincer, meaning I got to backdoor a double for one of my guys.

Adam: You can’t go wrong with a double Wincer. Thanks for finally getting me to sit down to watch Quigley, which I think you played at a birthday marathon a few years back. It’s maybe the best thing Tom Selleck has ever done. Basil Poledouris was such an underrated composer. I sometimes listen to his Free Willy score in the car. It’s relaxing and makes me want to keep driving until I get to the Shedd Aquarium. I’m glad we’re making a tribute to him. I didn’t know he did the RoboCop score. That’s awesome.

Double Feature 8:

Patrick: #1: Final Destination 2 (2003)
Adam: #2: Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell (2001)
Adam: Trailers/Shorts: The Virgin Suicides, Out Cold, I’m Reed Fish
Adam: Theme: A.J. Cook Night

Adam: Sometimes I get a movie crush on an actor and I’m like “Am I the only one?” Such is the case with A.J Cook. Do you think we can get her to come out for her theme night? This will also give me an excuse to watch Wishmaster 3 for the first time, which I’ve been opposed to in the past because it doesn’t star Andrew Divoff as the Djinn. P.S. I stumble across the DVD of I’m Reed Fish at the library sometimes and I’m always tempted to check it out because it’s an unseen Alexis Bledel movie. Between her and A.J. Cook, I’m afraid I’d never return it and then there’d be late fees and the library would take my card away, etc., etc.

Patrick: This is a pretty undeniable double and I’m excited to see Wishmaster 3 for the first time but I’m even more excited to see you see it for the first time. A.J. Cook is pretty great. I like her in the few movies in which I’ve seen her. I’m sure she would come out if we devote a night to her. Also, I’m picturing the cover art for I’m Reed Fish and knowing I will never ever see it. Let me know how it is.

Double Feature 9:Adam: #1: Light of Day (1987)
Patrick: #2: Satisfaction (1988)
Patrick: Trailers/Shorts: Live performance by Tina Yothers’ band Jaded, Family Ties episode “Band on the Run,” Back to the Future “Johnny B. Goode” scene
Patrick: Theme: Family Ties Rocks

Patrick: I love that both Alex P and Mallory Keaton made rock star movies in the span of a year. I also really like both these movies in very different ways: Light of Day is a legit good Paul Schrader movie, and Satisfaction is garbage I love. We’re playing both of Julia Roberts’ pre-Pretty Woman roles this month at the Cinemarink! And did you know Jennifer Keaton had a band? Do you think Brian Bonsall has any musical ability? I picture him doing rap rock.

Adam: Amazing theme and maybe the double feature I’d want to do first since I haven’t seen either in decades. I didn’t know Jennifer had a band! This is exciting. We should probably keep Bonsall away from the Cinemarink. He’s allegedly troubled. Besides, he’s busy in Times Square with Grandpa’s Magic Pinecone (that’s a Christmas Coca Cola ad from the ‘80s joke…look it up).

Double Feature 10:

Patrick: #1: Short Cuts (1993)
Adam: #2: The Player (1992)
Adam: Trailers/Shorts: Kansas City, The Gingerbread Man, Cookie’s Fortune, Ini Kamoze “Here Comes the Hotstepper” music video
Adam: Theme: ‘90s Robert Altman

Adam: Just like Wim Wenders and Francois Truffaut, I’m way behind on my Robert Altman viewing. I think the only ones I’ve seen are Popeye and Gosford Park, which I kinda like and just plain like. The two I’ve always been like “one day” are Short Cuts and The Player so here’s my opportunity to knock both out in one evening at the Cinemarink. Are you a fan of any of the other ‘90s Altman’s featured in the trailer block?

Patrick: I’m a big Short Cuts and The Player guy but I’m a little less down with Altman’s other ‘90s output. I think I liked Cookie’s Fortune when I saw it in theaters but have never seen it since and I’ve actually never seen Kansas City even though Jennifer Jason Leigh is in it and I should. There aren’t many movies that could play after Short Cuts but good call on the Altman double because The Player totally could. I’m excited to take this journey with you. When the movies are over we can spend the rest of the night talking over each other because Altman would want it that way.

Join us on BlueSky at 10 am CST today!


(All times CST) 10 am Charlie's Angels(dir. McG, 98 minutes)
NoonPitch Black(Dir. David Twohy, 108 minutes [theatrical cut])
2:15 pmBring It On(dir. Peyton Reed, 99 minutes)
4:15Gone in 60 Seconds(dir. Dominic Sena, 118 minutes)
6:30 pmThe Replacements(dir. Howard Deutch, 118 minutes)
8:45 pmGladiator(dir. Ridley Scott, 155 minutes)