The Art of Manliness

1 hour 25 seconds

The Secret Skills of Master Negotiators

When most people think of negotiation, they picture big, high-stakes moments: haggling over the price of a house, negotiating a starting salary, or hammering out the terms of a business deal. But negotiation is also something we do every day. It’s working out who’s taking on which chores with your spouse, convincing a coworker to help on a project, or even deciding where to go for dinner with friends. The better you understand negotiation — which is really about influencing other people’s decisions — the better you’ll be at navigating conflicts and opportunities both big and small.

My guest has spent decades studying the art and science of wielding that influence. John Richardson teaches negotiation at MIT’s Sloan School of Management and is the co-author of Never Settle. Today on the show, John shares what he learned from negotiation legends like Roger Fisher, co-author of Getting to Yes, and FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss. He unpacks the skills of master negotiators, including how to build reciprocity, uncover what people actually want, and keep your emotions from hijacking your judgment. We also get into the part of negotiation that makes people the most uncomfortable: the back-and-forth over hard numbers like price and salary and how to handle those conversations with greater confidence and better results.

Connect With John Richardson

0:00 Everyday Negotiation & Meet John Richardson

2:18 John's Path Into Negotiation

9:50 Why People Fear Negotiation

12:34 Roger Fisher's Philosophy (Getting to Yes)

17:46 Chris Voss & Hostage Negotiation Tactics

22:54 Give Them a Sandwich (Reciprocity)

30:06 Using Someone's Name

33:59 Managing Your Emotions

39:00 Figuring Out What Everyone Wants

46:29 Distributive Negotiation & Anchoring

54:52 Alternatives, Saying No & Closing

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21 July 2026, 10:00 am

53 minutes 50 seconds

The Art of Easy Discipline

Most people assume that if a goal is hard to achieve, getting there has to feel hard too. We tend to believe that extraordinary results require extraordinary suffering.

But my guest says the secret to success isn't gritting your teeth; it's making the path enjoyable. His name is Jia Jiang, and in his new book, Easy Discipline, he argues that consistency comes from designing your work and your life so that doing the right thing becomes something you actually want to do. Today on the show, Jia explains the difference between hard and easy discipline, why "eating bitterness" isn't the best way to go after your ambitions, and how to make your work feel more like play without lowering your standards. Along the way, we discuss Soviet hockey, Japanese tea ceremonies, rejection therapy, one-action goals, and the power of pursuing aims that are an expression of who you are.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With Jia Jiang

0:00 Introduction to the AOM Podcast

0:41 Introducing Jia Jiang and Easy Discipline

1:36 Welcome Jia Jiang / The Myth of Sisyphus

6:05 Hard Discipline vs. Easy Discipline

9:36 Eating Bitterness

10:44 Soviet Hockey: Tarasov vs. Tikhonov

16:02 The EASY Framework: Enjoyment

31:02 Artistry and Ichi-go Ichi-e

33:54 Systems and One Action Goals

41:22 Repetition with Variation

44:18 Why: Being True to Yourself

52:33 Where to Find Jia Jiang's Work

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14 July 2026, 10:30 am

50 minutes 7 seconds

Beyond Midlife Myths — Why Middle Age Can Be Your Prime Time

Many of us grow up believing that midlife is when things start going downhill. Your body's breaking down, your best work is behind you, and you may fall into a full-blown existential crisis. But a lot of what we think we know about midlife turns out to be based more on pop culture than actual research.

My guest says the reality is much more encouraging. Her name is Margie Lachman. She's a professor of psychology, the Director of the Lifespan Lab at Brandeis University, and the author of Primetime: A New Vision for Midlife. Today on the show, Margie discusses what age range constitutes midlife — and how it's not just a matter of chronological age — and whether people really become less happy and experience a midlife crisis during these years. She explains the surprising ways your mind continues to improve even as some abilities slow down, and why this stage of life often represents a peak combination of creativity and judgment. We also talk about the real challenges that come with midlife and how adopting the right mindset and habits can mitigate those downsides while helping you make the most of what Margie argues can truly be a sweet spot in life — a time when you still have much of your physical and mental vitality, and it's coupled with seasoned experience and wisdom.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Seasons of a Man’s Life by Daniel Levinson
AoM series on Levinson’s research
Transformations: Growth and Change in Adult Life by Roger Gould
Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life by Gail Sheehy
AoM Podcast #598: Journeying From the First to the Second Half of Life With James Hollis
AoM Podcast #776: How to Shift Out of the Midlife Malaise

Connect With Margie Lachman

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7 July 2026, 12:00 pm

1 hour 13 minutes

George Washington — The Man Behind the Monument

George Washington is perhaps the most familiar figure in American history. But most people really only know the image of him they see in marble statues and patriotic paintings. Behind those symbols was a real man: ambitious, self-taught, intensely concerned with honor, and constantly wrestling with the immense responsibilities history placed on his shoulders.

In celebration of America's 250th birthday, we're taking an extended look at the life of the man more responsible than anyone else for the nation's founding. Here to unpack that life for us is H.W. Brands, a historian and the author of a new biography of Washington, American Patriarch. Brands traces Washington's journey from a young Virginia surveyor to military commander, founding father, and first president. Along the way, we discuss how Washington's upbringing shaped his character, why he became a surprisingly effective military leader despite losing more battles than he won, how he held together a fragile revolutionary army, how he shaped the presidency through the precedents he set, and whether a leader like Washington could still succeed today.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With H.W. Brands

00:00 Introduction

01:53 About the book American Patriarch

03:03 Washington's childhood & Virginia gentry upbringing

06:54 Self-education, surveying, and early ambition

11:47 First military mission to the Ohio country

17:11 The French and Indian War & Washington's baptism under fire

24:44 Washington marries Martha Custis

33:57 Washington takes command of the Continental Army

40:17 Military strategy: how Washington won by not losing

46:41 Holding the army together at Valley Forge

55:57 Washington as first president & setting precedents

1:09:56 The Farewell Address & legacy

1:10:15 What Washington teaches us today

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30 June 2026, 10:00 am

33 minutes 19 seconds

The Retirement Trap — Should You Really Stop Working at 65?

The modern idea of retirement was built on a bet that turned out to be wrong. It assumed people would spend most of their lives working and only a relatively short period of time retired. Instead, many Americans now reach 65 healthy, active, and with an entire third of their life ahead of them. Yet we're still using a retirement model designed for a world in which old age was shorter and fewer people expected decades of life after leaving the workforce.

My guest says that outdated assumption creates some unfortunate unintended consequences. It causes people to stress excessively about money, postpone meaningful experiences with family and friends, and sometimes sacrifice the very things that make life worth living in the first place. He argues that by rethinking retirement — not necessarily eliminating it, but reimagining it — we can enjoy more of our lives now while actually feeling more secure about the future.

His name is Derek Coburn, and he's a financial advisor and the author of Let's Retire Retirement. Today on the show, Derek explains why the traditional retirement model came about, why it may no longer make sense for many people, and how working even a few years past 65 can dramatically change the math of retirement planning. We also discuss the surprising psychological challenges many people face after they stop working, why purpose matters more than leisure, and how thinking differently about retirement can free you up to spend more time on what matters most right now — whether that's traveling, strengthening your marriage, or making the most of the limited summers you have left with your kids.

Connect With Derek Coburn

Derek's website (including his retirement calculator)
Derek on IG

0:00 - Introduction

1:22 - The Outdated Origins of Retirement (Bismarck's 1889 Social Insurance Plan)

4:12 - Why the Traditional Retirement Model Creates Stress and Anxiety

6:13 - The "Arrival Fallacy" — Why Retirement Isn't What You Think It Will Be

8:42 - The Psychological Crisis of Stopping Work Cold Turkey

11:05 - The Math: How Working 10 More Years Cuts Your Savings Requirement by 96%

13:21 - Enjoying Life NOW Instead of Deferring It to Retirement

14:22 - Maximizing the Limited Summers You Have with Your Kids

19:48 - Sponsor Break

20:07 - What If You Hate Your Job? Find One You "Don't Hate"

22:37 - Side Hustles as an On-Ramp to Work You Love

24:09 - Physical Jobs and Mandatory Retirement — What Then?

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23 June 2026, 10:00 am

58 minutes 52 seconds

Belonging Without Conforming — The Path From Pseudo Self to Solid Self

We all want two things that can seem at odds with each other: to be our own person and to belong. We want to stand apart from the crowd, but we also want to be connected to it. When that balance gets out of whack, we either lose ourselves in tribalism or drift into isolation.

My guest today says many of the problems in modern life stem from our inability to hold these two impulses in tension. His name is Luke Burgis, and he’s the author of The One and the 99: Forging Identity in the Age of Social Contagion. Today on the show, Luke explains how becoming a true individual can give you the strength to be a part of a community. We discuss the difference between a solid self and a pseudo self — and what role families and rites of passage can play in moving us toward one or the other — why modern politics feels like a dysfunctional family, the dangers of performative religion, and much more.

Connect With Luke Burgis

Luke’s website

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Timestamps

0:00 Introduction

0:54 Guest Intro: Luke Burgis & The One and the 99

4:48 The Parable of the Lost Sheep & the Book's Framework

10:17 Defining the Self (vs. Identity & Soul)

14:37 The Pseudo Self Explained

19:40 How to Develop a Solid Self

25:35 Louis L'Amour & Education for a Solid Self

28:18 Curiositas vs. Studiositas (Ordered vs. Disordered Knowledge)

44:30 Tribalism, Politics, & the Pseudo Self

45:08 How Undifferentiation Fuels Political Dysfunction

51:13 Religion, Performative Piety & the Digital World

54:15 What Monasteries Teach Us About Community & Solid Selves

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16 June 2026, 10:00 am

55 minutes 59 seconds

How to Try Again

Life rarely unfolds according to plan. A relationship implodes. A move or job change doesn't work out. Or you simply fail in a goal you've set for yourself.

My guest has spent almost two decades researching and field-testing how to get back on track when smaller slip-ups and larger upheavals knock you off course. His name is Steve Kamb, and he's the founder of Nerd Fitness and the author of How to Try Again: An Approachable Guide to Navigating Chaos and Making Change THAT STICKS. Today on the show, Steve shares practical principles for dealing with life's frustrating and demoralizing setbacks. We discuss why sometimes the best move is to pause rather than push harder, how to accept reality without resigning yourself to it, why treating change as an experiment can help you beat paralysis and take action, why you should treat consistency with your goals the way you do showering, and more.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Steve's previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
Episode #42: Level Up Your Life With Nerd Fitness & Steve Kamb
Episode #170: Level Up Your Life
Steve's AoM guest posts:
Don’t Be That Guy: The Taxonomy of Lousy Male Friends
How Superheroes, Movies, and Video Games Taught Me to Conquer Fear
Nerd Fitness
Museum of Failure
Sunday Firesides: Good Times Are Not Around the Corner (And That's Great News!)
Sunday Firesides: Treat Life Like an Experiment
"Lightning Fields" by the Killers

Connect With Steve Kamb

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9 June 2026, 10:00 am

58 minutes 51 seconds

Built to Walk — How Modern Shoes and Weak Feet Are Holding You Back

Walking is one of the most powerful health tools we have. It improves cardiovascular fitness, boosts mood, sharpens cognition, and can even be a predictor of how well you'll age. But all those benefits depend on something we rarely think about until it starts hurting: our feet.

For many of us, walking is so automatic that we never consider the mechanics that make it possible. Yet the way we move, the shoes we wear, and the strength of the muscles in our feet can have a profound impact on how comfortably and efficiently we walk. When something goes wrong at our physical foundation, the effects can ripple upward, leading to pain not just in the feet, but in the knees, hips, and back.

My guest today is Dr. Milica McDowell, a physical therapist and the co-author of the new book Walk. Today on the show, Milica explains why walking speed may be a hidden vital sign, what gives you your signature walking style, and how to spot and address injury-inducing inefficiencies in your gait. We then talk about feet: whether you should worry about pronation, how to rehab plantar fasciitis — and no, it's not stretching — the best kind of shoes to wear, and much more.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With Milica McDowell

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2 June 2026, 10:00 am

1 hour 12 minutes

How to Turn a Boy Into a Man

Note: This is a rebroadcast.

A lot of young men today struggle in finding their footing in adulthood. They feel lost, directionless, and unsure of who they are and how to confidently and competently navigate the world.

Part of the reason for this is that most young men today lack something which was once a part of nearly every culture in the world, but has now almost entirely disappeared: a rite of passage.

My guest today didn’t want his son to flounder on the way to maturity, nor to miss out on having an initiation into manhood, so he set out to create a 6-year journey for him that would help him move from boy to man. His name is Jon Tyson, and he’s the author of The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character. Today on the show, Jon unpacks the components of the years-long journey into manhood he created for his son, beginning with how he brainstormed those components by doing “The Day Your Son Leaves Home” exercise. We then discuss how old Jon’s son was when he started his rite of passage and why it began with him having a “severing dinner” with his mom. We get into what his rite of passage consisted of, from the kickoff ceremony to the challenges, experiences, trips, and daily rituals Jon used to impart values and teach his son the “5 Shifts of Manhood.” Jon shares how moving his son’s focus from being a good man, to being good at being a man, helped him get remotivated to continue the process, why his rite of passage included a gap year after high school, and how Jon celebrated the end of his son’s journey into becoming a man. We also discuss whether Jon did something similar with his daughter. We end our conversation with some key principles any dad can use to start intentionally helping their kids become well-rounded individuals who can confidently step out on their own and into the world.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With Jon Tyson

0:00 Introduction

0:29 Guest Introduction: John Tyson & The Intentional Father

2:28 The Research on Fatherless Boys

4:54 What Men Lack Without a Rite of Passage

8:37 The "Day Your Son Leaves Home" Exercise

10:47 Building an Asset Map & Community of Fathers

13:37 The Severing Dinner with Mom

17:10 The Beach Initiation Ceremony at Age 13

20:42 Taking Your Son Back to Your Roots

28:14 The Five Shifts of Manhood

31:52 Daily Morning Talks, Books & Movies

42:32 Good Man vs. Good AT Being a Man

46:28 The Archetypes: Lover, Leader, Warrior, Brother, Sage

50:01 The Life Arc Interview

56:03 The Gap Year as the Ordeal

1:01:16 The Capstone Ceremony on the Camino de Santiago

1:04:44 Doing Something Similar for His Daughter

1:09:09 Key Principles Any Dad Can Start With Today

That's 17 — let me trim to the 12 most distinct:

0:00 Introduction & Why Rites of Passage Have Disappeared

2:28 The Research on Fatherless Boys

4:54 What Men Lack Without a Rite of Passage

8:37 The "Day Your Son Leaves Home" Exercise

13:37 The Severing Dinner & Beach Initiation Ceremony

20:42 Taking Your Son Back to Your Roots

28:14 The Five Shifts of Manhood

31:52 Daily Talks, Books & Movies

42:32 Good Man vs. Good at Being a Man

50:01 The Life Arc Interview

56:03 The Gap Year as the Ordeal

1:01:16 The Capstone Ceremony & Key Principles for Any Dad

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26 May 2026, 10:00 am

58 minutes 52 seconds

Inside With the Old Breed — A Conversation With Eugene Sledge’s Son

With the Old Breed is widely considered one of the greatest war memoirs ever written. Penned by Eugene Sledge, a Marine who fought with the 1st Division — the old breed — in the Pacific campaigns of Peleliu and Okinawa, the book is unflinching, deeply human, and so vividly written that you can practically feel the heat, mud, exhaustion, and terror coming off the page.

But Sledge wasn't a professional writer. He was a biology professor who started jotting notes on scraps of paper tucked inside the New Testament he carried in his breast pocket. He wrote the book decades later, partly to process his own trauma, partly to leave a record for his sons.

One of those sons is my guest today. Henry Sledge has spent years carrying his father's legacy forward, and he's written his own book — The Old Breed: The Complete Story Revealed — that pairs his father's combat experience with previously unpublished material and his own perspective as Eugene's son. Today on the show, Henry and I talk about why his dad wrote With the Old Breed, what made fighting in the Pacific uniquely hellish, and how Eugene managed to come home and live a full, honorable life despite carrying the war with him for the rest of his days.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With Henry Sledge

Thanks to This Week's Sponsor!

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0:00 - Introduction

0:41 - About With the Old Breed: Eugene Sledge's War Memoir

1:15 - Why Eugene Wrote the Book

3:07 - How He Kept Notes in Combat

4:20 - Writing & Publishing the Book

6:03 - Eugene's Writing Style

9:44 - Why Eugene Enlisted as a Private

16:03 - Boot Camp Training

21:35 - Why Peleliu Is the "Forgotten Battle"

27:49 - What Made Fighting on Peleliu Hell

31:40 - The Japanese as an Enemy

43:10 - Life After the War: Coming Home

50:00 - Lessons from With the Old Breed

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19 May 2026, 10:00 am

45 minutes 2 seconds

How Constraints Help You Focus, Create, and Finish

Back in 2019, David Epstein joined me to talk about his book Range and why generalists often thrive in a specialized world. Now he’s back with a new book that explores a seemingly opposite idea: the power of constraints. In Inside the Box, David argues that limits — deadlines, boundaries, and even setbacks — are often the very things that spark creativity, sharpen focus, and help us actually get meaningful work done.

Today on the show, David shares how, in a world of endless freedom and options, constraints might actually be the thing you need most. He shares the surprising true story behind the creation of the periodic table, explains how a broken arm changed the course of his own life, and explores why giving people too much leeway can actually kill innovation. We discuss what Pixar did right that doomed companies like General Magic got wrong, why brainstorming sessions are usually ineffective, how to identify the bottlenecks holding back your work and life, and why learning to settle for “good enough” may be the key to getting more great things done.

Resources Related to the PodcastDavid’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #512 — Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World
Pixar’s Tin Toy
AoM Article: Curing Your Restlessness — Limiting Your Choices
The Goal by Eliyahu M. Goldratt
David’s This American Life Episode: “Something Only I Can See”
AoM Article: Via Negativa — Adding to Your Life By Subtracting
Connect With David EpsteinDavid’s website

0:00 - Introduction

0:40 - David Epstein & "Inside the Box": Overview

1:50 - How Range and Constraints Are Connected

3:14 - The Real Story Behind the Periodic Table

7:00 - How a Broken Arm Changed David's Life

10:22 - General Magic: What Happens With No Constraints

20:14 - Pixar vs. General Magic: Constraints Done Right

25:37 - This American Life's Editing Process

31:10 - Finding Your Bottlenecks (The Goal)

38:10 - Why Brainstorming Doesn't Work (And What Does)

43:00 - The Case for Satisficing (Good Enough)

51:11 - When Maximizing Makes Sense

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12 May 2026, 10:00 am