Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 33: The Dismissive Avoidant

In this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the attachment style that many find both fascinating and frustrating—the dismissive avoidant (DA). While the DA is often seen as the most perplexing of the insecure attachment styles, Dr. Hensley explains that their behaviors are actually the most predictable.

The episode begins with an exploration of two common childhood experiences that shape the dismissive avoidant attachment style. Many DAs report having a “good” childhood—parents who stayed married and supported instrumental needs like attending events. However, upon closer examination, it becomes clear there was little to no emotional support. From a young age, DAs learned that suppressing emotions kept them safe, as big emotions were unwelcome or even punished.

Dr. Hensley then explains the infamous 4-6 month “bait and switch” often seen in DA relationships. In the early stages, they appear open and even vulnerable, but as the relationship deepens, they start to deactivate. These deactivation behaviors—feeling smothered, doubting the relationship, or fearing a loss of independence—are often unconscious yet highly predictable.

The discussion moves to the DA’s core wound: defectiveness. Growing up, their emotions were invalidated, leading them to believe they were inherently flawed. In adult relationships, when their partner expresses intense emotions, the DA subconsciously feels responsible, thinking, “I must be bad if I made you feel this way.” Unfortunately, they lack the capacity to hold space for those feelings, perpetuating the cycle of disconnection.

Dr. Hensley also tackles the topic of sex and intimacy in DA relationships. For some, sex feels like another expectation they’re unable to fulfill emotionally or physically. Others use sex as a way to meet their limited need for emotional and physical connection.

A key highlight of the episode is Dr. Hensley’s explanation of the DA’s trauma responses, particularly their tendency to live in a state of functional freeze. They’re either “on,” constantly busy with tasks to avoid emotions, or “off,” dissociating from the important things in their lives.

Midway through, Dr. Hensley addresses a small subset of DAs who experience severe trauma within the first five years of life. In these cases, the brain shuts down to protect itself, resulting in even deeper emotional challenges, through disconnection, later in life.

The episode concludes with a path to healing for both DAs and their partners. Dr. Hensley provides actionable strategies for recognizing DA patterns in the dating phase and practical interventions for those in long-term relationships or marriages. Through her programs, she has witnessed countless transformations, with DAs finding genuine connection and their formerly anxious partners moving toward secure attachment.

Additional topics include:
• Why DAs are the attachment style most likely to cheat.
• The motivations behind a DA’s decision to heal.
• How the tools and strategies in Dr. Hensley’s coaching program enable true healing for DAs and their partners.

This episode offers hope, clarity, and a practical roadmap for navigating relationships with dismissive avoidants and fostering secure attachment.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 32: Live Coaching Session with Rozerin

In this groundbreaking episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah invites listeners into her virtual coaching room for the first-ever live adult attachment interview with special guest Rozerin. A graduate of Dr. Sarah’s hybrid group coaching program, Rozerin had long dreamed of experiencing a one-on-one assessment. Dr. Sarah opens this session to the public, giving listeners a firsthand look at the depth, insight, and transformation these sessions provide.

Topics Explored in the Interview

Dr. Sarah guides Rozerin through a detailed exploration of four key areas:
1. Childhood Experiences
• Rozerin shares her upbringing, reflecting on trauma-related events, the dynamics between her parents, and how her caregivers influenced her ability to emotionally regulate as a child.
2. Previous Romantic Relationships
• The session delves into Rozerin’s two or three most significant relationships, unpacking their core challenges and the reasons they ended, and/or if she is currently still in any of them.
3. Emotional Vulnerability
• Rozerin examines her capacity to share her deepest thoughts, feelings, and fears with her partner, discussing the ease or difficulty of achieving emotional intimacy.
4. Conflict Behaviors
• The discussion covers the ways she and her partner respond to conflict, including levels of emotional reactivity, resolution strategies, and patterns that emerge during disagreements.

Attachment Style Analysis

Following the interview, Dr. Sarah determines that both Rozerin and her partner are fearful avoidants, with Rozerin leaning more anxious and her boyfriend more dismissive. Dr. Sarah provides an in-depth explanation of how fearful avoidant attachment is formed, highlighting the core wounds of betrayal and abandonment. She connects these wounds to Rozerin’s childhood experiences and illustrates how they manifest in her current relationship dynamics.

Exploring Healing Goals

Acknowledging that healing is an ongoing journey, Dr. Sarah asks Rozerin to identify areas where she still feels gaps in her progress. Rozerin admits to struggling with a negative bias toward her partner, often assuming the worst-case scenario in their interactions. However, she shares that the tools and strategies from Dr. Sarah’s group program have significantly improved her mindset, leading to increased happiness, positivity, and reduced anxiety.

Concrete Tools for Overcoming Negative Bias

Dr. Sarah closes the session with actionable interventions to help Rozerin stop negative biases in their tracks. She emphasizes the importance of catching and correcting old patterns, a hallmark of secure attachment, and equips Rozerin with practical tools to continue her healing journey.

This powerful episode offers deep insights into attachment theory, personal growth, and the transformative potential of Dr. Sarah’s coaching methods. Tune in for a raw, real, and inspirational look at Dr. Hensley's healing process in action.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or one of her Hybrid Group Coaching Programs. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 31: Forgiving the Unforgivable

In this deeply moving episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah tackles the profound challenge of forgiving the unforgivable. She explains why forgiveness is vital for personal healing—even when there’s no apology—and how forgiveness is ultimately for your benefit, not for the person or situation that caused harm.

Dr. Sarah begins by discussing the hope and transformation that true forgiveness can bring, clarifying that forgiveness doesn’t mean becoming boundaryless. Instead, it’s about releasing bitterness and resentment while maintaining respect for your own needs.

She delves into the connection between forgiveness and attachment patterns, highlighting two common toxic responses: those who avoid forgiveness by leaving abruptly and those who stay in harmful situations due to anxiety. Dr. Sarah explores how bitterness often stems from a fear of being hurt again and acts as a shield that ultimately blocks healing.

Drawing on research, she connects bitterness and unforgiveness to chronic illness, linking these emotions to an increased risk of stroke, heart attack, and even cancer. Dr. Sarah also reflects on her own experience with forgiveness after the death of her ex-husband, crediting her faith in God for helping her release anger and find peace.

Midway through, Dr. Sarah explains how unforgiveness keeps us trapped in trauma responses and prevents nervous system regulation. She emphasizes that self-forgiveness is essential for true healing, describing the importance of “catch and correct” as a strategy for maintaining attachment security.

The episode concludes with Dr. Sarah and Raina sharing personal reflections, including acknowledging positive qualities in their exes and taking accountability for their own past behaviors. They remind listeners that forgiveness isn’t about excusing others—it’s about freeing yourself.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or one of her Hybrid Group Coaching Programs. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

·What is true forgiveness.

.The role forgiveness plays in our healing journeys. 

·The toxic patterns of unforgiveness. 

·The connection between chronic illness and unforgiveness.   

.How unforgiveness keeps us in a state of nervous system dysregulation. 

.The spiritual and psychological avenues to forgiveness. 
                                                                               
Consider/Ask Yourself:

·Am I holding onto resentment and bitterness within my relationship?

.How can I seek more forgiveness with those that have hurt me?

·Am I exhibiting toxic behaviors associated with unforgiveness? 

.What resources can I seek out both spiritually and psychologically as a way to work on forgiveness?


Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 30: That’s My Life Part II – The Rising of the Phoenix

In this deeply moving episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley continues the intimate recounting of her life story, picking up from the tumultuous events shared in Episode 29. This chapter delves into the darkest period of her life, unveiling the profound struggles that ultimately paved the way for her transformation.

Dr. Hensley opens the episode by sharing the fallout of her first marriage, marked by her ex-husband’s battle with addiction and abusive behavior. Their relationship ended in a bitter custody battle, during which Dr. Hensley did everything in her power to help him rebuild his life for the sake of their children. However, his sudden marriage to another woman and his decision to redirect his life insurance policies to her left Sarah financially and emotionally shattered, raising their children on her own.

The spiral deepened with the tragic news of her ex-husband’s death—a revelation she learned only after others, including her dismissive-avoidant ex-boyfriend, who broke the news to her best friend Raina before Sarah even knew. Adding to her grief, her mother was battling pancreatic cancer, and Sarah was reeling from a breakup with the same boyfriend who continued to breadcrumb her during her most vulnerable moments.

At her lowest point, Dr. Hensley’s physical health began to deteriorate rapidly. She woke up one day with debilitating symptoms—her world a blur, everything spinning, and a sensation of walking on a trampoline. After months of misdiagnoses, she was finally diagnosed with vestibular migraines, a condition she was told she might have to live with forever. This was the breaking point where Dr. Hensley felt utterly hopeless, unable to work or care for her daughters.

Seeking answers, she turned to therapy, including EMDR and ART, but neither provided relief. She was left wondering why no one was connecting her physical condition to the immense emotional trauma she had endured. It wasn’t until she discovered Alan Gordon’s podcast Tell Me About Your Pain that she began to understand the link between emotional trauma and physical ailments. This discovery set her on a path of healing through faith, science, and self-compassion.

Dr. Hensley recounts how a close friend introduced her to Be In Health Ministries, where she began to experience profound spiritual healing, regaining 80% of her health. The remaining 20% came through her study of neuroplasticity and its relationship to pain, empowering her to rewrite her body’s story of trauma and reclaim her life.

In the final moments of the episode, Dr. Hensley shares the tools and practices that transformed her life and now form the cornerstone of her coaching and teachings. With a thriving business, a loving marriage, and a peaceful heart, Dr. Hensley’s journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. She closes with a message of hope, encouraging listeners that no matter how dire the circumstances, they too can rise from the ashes like a phoenix.

This episode is a powerful reminder that healing is possible, and even in the face of overwhelming adversity, a brighter future awaits.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or one of her Hybrid Group Coaching Programs. 

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

·The continuation of Dr. Hensley's story.

.The death of her ex-husband and what led to it.

·The story of her experience dating a dismissive avoidant.

·The break up story between her and the dismissive avoidant after her mother's cancer diagnoses.  

.The spiraling of her life that eventually led to her sickness. 

.The discovery of "Be in Health Ministries" and Alan Gordman's podcast "Tell Me About Your Pain" both of which led to her path of healing. 
                                                                               
Consider/Ask Yourself:

·How can Dr. Hensley's life story inspire me to seek healing?

.What resources can I utilize on my own healing journey?

·Am I stuck in a vicious cycle with a dismissive avoidant partner that is only adding to the turmoil of my life?

.How can I seek help and healing through Dr. Hensley's services so I too can rise from the ashes like a pheonix? 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

In episode 29 of The Love Doc Podcast titled “That’s My Life,” Dr. Hensley takes listeners on an emotional journey through her life story. Beginning with her childhood, she candidly describes growing up with a bipolar father whose unpredictable moods created a home filled with anxiety and instability. She explores the dynamics between her parents, highlighting her mother’s unhappiness in the marriage, her Catholic faith that kept her from leaving, and the burdens she carried as the family’s financial provider.

Dr. Hensley reflects on how these experiences shaped her early romantic relationships, sharing the trauma of her first love and the patterns that led her to tolerate toxic behavior. She dives into the pivotal moments of meeting and marrying her first husband, recounting the red flags she overlooked, the abuse she endured, and the heartbreaking decisions she made in an attempt to salvage the marriage—including having children during fleeting moments of sobriety.

With raw honesty, Dr. Hensley shares painful details of domestic abuse, her ex-husband’s alcoholism, infidelity, and the events that ultimately led her to file for divorce. This deeply personal episode concludes with a teaser for part two, where she promises to share her inspiring journey of healing and resilience. Tune in if you’ve ever faced similar struggles and are ready to witness a story of rising from the ashes.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

·Dr. Hensley's childhood and how it shaped her.

.Dr. Hensley's first romatic expereinces and how they shaped her.

·The story of how she met her first husband.

·The story of her abuse and her first husband's infidelity. 

.How she finally got the nerve to file for divorce.    
                                                                               
Consider/Ask Yourself:

·Can I relate to the type of childhood Dr. Hensley had?

.How have my own childhood experiences shaped my choices in romantic partners?

·Can I relate to Dr. Hensley's first marriage?

.If I can relate to Dr. Hensley's first marriage is it time for me to leave? 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 28: The Self-Aware Narcissist with Special Guest The Nameless Narcissist

In this captivating episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley sits down with “The Nameless Narcissist,” a self-aware content creator diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Through his TikTok content, he shares raw and insightful accounts of living with NPD, and Dr. Hensley reflects on how his perspective has deepened her understanding of the condition, especially its origins and impact on relationships.

The episode begins with The Nameless Narcissist recounting his journey to self-awareness, including his path to an NPD diagnosis after two years of therapy. He candidly discusses the challenge of being diagnosed due to the nature of NPD, where manipulation and deflection can mask the true symptoms.

Dr. Hensley then poses a compelling question: “What’s the one thing you wish people knew about NPD?” His answer highlights the human side of narcissism—that beneath the harmful behaviors, people with NPD still seek connection, worth, and love. He explains that while experts often understand the behaviors, they sometimes miss the underlying motivations.

The conversation shifts to the role of control in narcissism. Dr. Hensley brings up a fascinating point from The Nameless Narcissist’s content—that control isn’t about achieving specific outcomes but proving one’s capability to control. This stems from a need for self-esteem regulation, a recurring theme in the discussion.

Dr. Hensley shares her personal experience with a narcissistic ex-partner who was a serial cheater. She theorizes his behavior stemmed from a need for constant external validation, which The Nameless Narcissist connects back to the “grandiose highs” that regulate self-esteem.

The Nameless Narcissist also delves into his healing journey, including how exploring his caregivers’ pain and trauma helped him release some of his childhood wounds. This insight into intergenerational trauma is a powerful reminder of the complexities behind NPD.

The episode touches on the rare self-awareness among those with NPD, with research suggesting only 1% reach this stage. However, The Nameless Narcissist argues the true number is likely higher, as many may feel too much shame to admit their struggles publicly.

Finally, the discussion turns to theories of narcissism’s origins. The Nameless Narcissist shares his perspective, describing grandiosity as a safety mechanism to counter deep feelings of unworthiness—a way to feel anything at all.

Dr. Hensley wraps up by thanking The Nameless Narcissist for his bravery and empathy, both for those with NPD and for those who’ve been hurt by narcissistic behavior. She encourages listeners to explore his content for further understanding of NPD and its complexities.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand narcissism through a lens of compassion, insight, and healing. Please go follow The Nameless Narcissit on all platforms @thenamelessnarcissist. 

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

·Who is The Nameless Narcissit and what is his story.

.The one thing you want people to know about Narcissitic Personality Disorder (NPD).

· The role of control in narcissism.

·The theory behind why some narcissist are serial cheaters.

.The theories behind why only 1% of those with NPD become self-aware.       
                                                                               
Consider/Ask Yourself:

·Am I dealing with someone who has true NPD or someone who just has narcissitic traits?

.Do I possibly have NPD?

·What is some of the pain that those with NPD are experiencing? 

.Am I seeking understanding and forgiveness for the pain that I experienced from someone with NPD or am I holding onto resentment?

·How can I start to see more humanity in people who have diagnosed NPD?

.Do I or someone I know need to seek help and intervention for NPD and/or narcisstic traits?  

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 27 "The Anxious Pre-Occupied." In this insightful episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley delves into the intricate world of the anxious preoccupied (AP) attachment style, which she refers to as the “least common” attachment style she encounters in her practice. While many clients initially come to her thinking that they are AP, Dr. Hensley explains that they often turn out to be fearful avoidant (FA), but think they are AP becuase thier anxiety is heightened due to a dismissive partner. She begins by distinguishing the anxious preoccupied from the fearful avoidant attachment, emphasizing how their formation and behaviors differ.

Dr. Hensley provides a thorough explanation of the key factor behind the development of AP attachment: intermittent reinforcement. She describes how AP individuals often experienced inconsistent love and affection from one or both caregivers during childhood. This unpredictability created anxiety and a deep-seated fear of not knowing when they would receive the love they craved.

How AP Behaviors Show Up in Relationships

Dr. Hensley explains that anxious preoccupied behaviors in adulthood often stem from early coping mechanisms, including a fawning response. As children, they learned to please their caregivers to gain more consistent love and affection, which translates into adult tendencies of people-pleasing. During conflict, AP individuals often sacrifice their boundaries to maintain harmony and emotional safety, leaving them feeling as though their own needs are never met.

A central wound of the AP is the fear of abandonment. Dr. Hensley shares how this manifests as a need to keep peace at all costs, leading AP individuals to apologize even when they don’t know what they’re apologizing for. The toxic trait of codependency frequently appears in their relationships, with APs adopting the belief that “if you’re not okay, I’m not okay.” This fear of abandonment drives them to prioritize their partner’s emotional state over their own, further entrenching unhealthy dynamics.

Interestingly, Dr. Hensley notes that APs may sometimes appear dismissive or detached during conflict. However, this is not disassociation but rather a strategy to remain emotionally “safe” by staying silent. Internally, their nervous system is overwhelmed by intense emotions, but they struggle to release or process them.

Steps Toward Healing

Midway through the episode, Dr. Hensley shifts focus to practical strategies for AP individuals to heal and regain balance in their relationships. She emphasizes two foundational tools:
1. Setting and Maintaining Boundaries
AP individuals must learn to set clear, firm boundaries and resist the urge to self-abandon to please others.
2. Improving Communication
Dr. Hensley highlights the importance of speaking up and addressing dissatisfaction directly instead of resorting to passive-aggressive behaviors, which stem from their fear of abandonment.

By recognizing these patterns and intentionally shifting their behaviors, APs can move away from toxic submissiveness and toward healthier relational dynamics.

Why AP Is the Least Seen Attachment Style

As the episode nears its conclusion, Dr. Hensley shares why the anxious preoccupied is the least common attachment style in her practice. She attributes this to the AP’s deep-seated pride and belief that they can “fix” themselves and their relationships without outside help. AP individuals often tie their self-worth to the success of their relationships, perpetuating a cycle of self-reliance and resistance to professional support.

Listener Q&A: Can Attachment Styles Shift?

Dr. Hensley wraps up by answering a common question about attachment: Can someone shift from being AP to FA or DA? She clarifies that while all attachment styles share overlapping traits, it’s rare for a person to completely shift styles, except when progressing toward secure attachment. The core wounds of attachment are formed in childhood and cannot be undone, but healing is always possible.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone struggling with AP tendencies or seeking to understand the nuances of attachment in relationships. Dr. Hensley’s compassionate approach and actionable advice make this an empowering resource for personal growth.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

·The behaviors of the Anxious Pre-Occupied.       

.Intermittent Reinforcement as a key factor in the formulation of Anxious Pre-Occupied attachment style.

· How AP's show up in relationships.

·Steps towards healing Anxious Pre-Occupied Attachment.   

.Why the Anxious Pre-Occupied is the least seen attachment style in Dr. Hensley's practice.       
                                                                               
Consider/Ask Yourself:

·Do you think that you are Anxious Pre-Occupied when you may actually be Fearful Avoidant?

·Did you grow up with a fairly good childhood but feel like you got inconsistent love and affection from one or both of your caregivers?

.Are you self abadoning inside of your relationship?

·How can you start setting healthy boundries within your relationship and how can you start to stick to them?

.How can I learn to express my needs and wants within my relationship in a healthy and compassionate way?

.Do I need to seek help and intervention for my AP attachment style? 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

In episode 26, titled Radical Acceptance, Dr. Hensley delves into the powerful concept of radical acceptance and its impact on emotional well-being. She opens by defining radical acceptance as the practice of embracing reality without self-judgment, especially when it’s challenging. Dr. Hensley explains how shame can disrupt our nervous system, often fueling a sense of failure that persists despite outward success. Sharing her personal journey, she reflects on moments of feeling inadequate, even while balancing a thriving career and family life, describing times she felt she “dropped the ball” as a parent and business owner.

Drawing on insights from nervous system expert Dana Doswell from episode 19, Dr. Hensley underscores that how we approach our tasks, with grace and acceptance, is often more important than what we do. This foundation, she explains, is central to radical acceptance, where the practice becomes a conscious effort to recognize that one’s efforts are “enough,” even amid mistakes.

Throughout the episode, Dr. Hensley and Raina share real-life stories, touching on childhood experiences of shame. They highlight how fostering radical acceptance in children—around mistakes and natural bodily changes—helps build resilience. Dr. Hensley then explores why radical acceptance is particularly difficult for overachievers and perfectionists. These individuals often link their self-worth to being “the best,” struggling to relinquish control and falling into self-criticism when they cannot accomplish it all.

In a candid segment, Dr. Hensley and Raina discuss their own experiences grappling with radical acceptance of past relationships, particularly with their children’s fathers. Raina opens up about working through sexual shame from a past abusive relationship, acknowledging the growth in her journey to accept herself fully. Dr. Hensley explains that radical acceptance also means facing painful realities without minimizing their impact. It involves acknowledging trauma and choosing healing over victimhood, with radical acceptance serving as the foundation for this journey.

Finally, Dr. Hensley emphasizes the importance of accountability in relationships as a form of radical acceptance. Owning one’s mistakes and apologizing fosters authenticity and vulnerability, she explains, strengthening connections and creating a regulated nervous system. This journey of accountability and repair exemplifies radical acceptance as an honest acknowledgment of human fallibility—embracing, learning, and growing from each experience.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:     

*What is radical acceptance.     

*How Dana Doswell, nervous system regulation expert, describes radical acceptance.

*The importance of fostering radical acceptance in our children.

*Why radical acceptance is so difficult for overachievers and perfectionist.

*Radical acceptance of past selves .       

*Radical accountabilty equals radical acceptance. 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

*Are you beating yourself up too often over things that are outside of your control?

*Are you able to recognize when you are not practicing acceptance and how it affects your nervous system?       

*Are you an overachiever and perfectionist to the point where you are unable to reliquish control and properly delegate task?

*How can I practice radical acceptance of my past self?
 
*Can I start to take more radical accountability and radical acceptance inside of my romantic relationship? 


Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

In episode 25: “It’s a Capacity Issue,” Dr. Hensley takes listeners on an in-depth journey into the concept of building capacity, emphasizing that true change and healing require more than just awareness and understanding. She explains that building capacity is about bridging the gap between intellectual understanding and actionable change, which requires specific mediators between the pathways of knowledge and behavior.

Dr. Hensley begins by discussing the psychoeducation she provides in her group coaching programs to help participants develop this capacity. She underscores that awareness alone doesn’t create transformation; instead, certain mental and emotional tools are essential to support lasting change. One of the first components she covers is self-regulation, which she describes as the ability to bring the nervous system to a place of safety. This can be challenging, she notes, particularly for those carrying attachment wounds from childhood, which shape their responses in adulthood.

Using the dismissive avoidant (DA) attachment style as a key example, Dr. Hensley delves into how attachment wounds are formed and how those with DA tendencies can build capacity for change. She discusses how early experiences of suppression and dismissal impact the DA’s brain, leading them to default to a freeze response during conflict. This response reflects the limits of their nervous system’s capacity at that moment, which, though protective, often cuts off connection to their partner.

At the midpoint of the episode, Dr. Hensley introduces the tools she provides in her hybrid group coaching program, highlighting metacognition as a crucial skill. She teaches clients to recognize and dismantle their trigger cycles, tracing the journey from trigger to trauma response. By giving the nervous system new, healthier experiences, clients can begin to build new neural pathways that reinforce these changes, helping them gradually shift their patterns.

Dr. Hensley explains the science of neuroplasticity, emphasizing that everyone has the power to rewire their brains and reshape their behavior. However, she reminds listeners that the journey from awareness to actual change requires specific guidance and support.

In the episode’s conclusion, Dr. Hensley explores the concept of radical self-acceptance. She encourages listeners to meet themselves where they are to start creating a sense of safety within their nervous system, which is foundational to building capacity. She also shares more about her coaching services, explaining how each program can support individuals or couples in their journey of growth, healing, and connection.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

. What it means to build capacity.

·The difference in having awareness and knowledge versus true integration of changed behavior. 

·The psychoeducation taught in Dr. Hensley's group services.

·Self regulation and what it means.

.The example of the Dismissive Avoidant and how they can start to build capacity.       

.Metacognition and what it means.                                                                             

Consider/Ask Yourself:

· Is your nervous system ready to start building capacity?

 . Have you had time to process your wounds, build awarness and knowlege around them so that you can start to change the behavior associated with them?

. Are you practicing self regulation practices when triggered?

. How can I start recognizing my triggers and the trauma responses associated with them?

. How can I start attuning to my basic human needs and practicing radical self acceptance so that my nervous system can feel safe and I can start building better capcity for change?

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. In Episode 24: “Unoffendable” of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into a candid exploration of our modern, easily-offended culture and the toll it takes on our nervous systems and resilience. She reflects on how people today are quick to take offense at differing opinions, which often disrupts our emotional balance and has created a deeply divided society. While Dr. Hensley emphasizes that true atrocities—such as murder, sexual abuse, and human trafficking—should rightfully offend us all, she raises concerns about the rise in offense over differences in thought and belief. This, she argues, is eroding respect and open-mindedness in society.

Dr. Hensley introduces the importance of emotional resilience versus emotional suppression. She’s clear: she is not advocating for suppressing emotions but promoting emotional resilience. This means developing the capacity to accept others’ views, even when they differ from our own, without offense or alienation. She encourages introspection, urging listeners to question why certain things offend them. Offense, she explains, arises when we feel triggered or violated, highlighting the need for self-understanding as a way to manage these responses.

In a thought-provoking segment, Dr. Hensley explains Terror Management Theory, which suggests that when our values or identity feel threatened, it subconsciously evokes fear of mortality, making us feel defensive and offended. Her aim is to help listeners understand that choosing offense can narrow our minds and breed hate, especially in the age of online exchanges where it’s easy to react harshly from behind a screen.

Midway through the episode, Dr. Hensley emphasizes that these principles are vital in our closest relationships—particularly with partners, family, and friends. Constant offense, she warns, can rob us of joy and precious time. Instead, she encourages a spirit of curiosity, asking listeners to lean into understanding rather than immediate judgment. By challenging not just others’ thoughts but our own, we can foster genuine connection and potentially gain new insights.

As Dr. Hensley wraps up Episode 24: “Unoffendable”, she drives home the importance of looking inward. She advocates for listeners to pause and reflect on why certain things offend them, encouraging them to get curious about others’ points of view rather than reacting. By exploring differing perspectives, she suggests, we can gain valuable insight into our own beliefs and responses. Her hope is that this practice can foster greater empathy and understanding, ultimately helping to bridge divides and bring us closer together in a more united world. This episode serves as both a challenge and a reminder from Dr. Hensley to practice resilience, self-reflection, and compassion in a world quick to divide. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: ·       The spirit of offense in today's culture.  ·       The toll that being easily offended takes on the nervous system.  ·       The importance of creating grit and curiosity in our children so that can be open minded to others points of view.  ·       What happens when we become offended.  .       Terror Management Theory. What is it and how does it apply to offensiveness.  .        The importance of gaining control and clarity around our offensivness within our most imtimate relationships.                                                                                 Consider/Ask Yourself: ·       Are you becoming too easily offended? ·       Are you able to recognize when you are offended and how it affects your day to day life? ·       How can I create more grit and curiosity within myself in order to teach my children the same practices? .        How am I allowing offensivness to affect my most important relationships, and in turn how is it affecting my body and mind? .       How can I gain more insight around why certain things offend me?

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 23 “Raising Secure Children,” Dr. Hensley delves into how attachment theory is not just relevant to romantic relationships but also plays a critical role in parenting. She explains that our attachment styles directly affect our children’s attachment styles, which can shape how they choose romantic partners in the future. Dr. Hensley emphasizes that achieving your own attachment security is essential for raising secure children. The episode begins with Dr. Hensley reflecting on what she would have done differently as a parent, starting with the importance of choosing the right partner. She highlights that secure individuals tend to attract secure partners, while insecure individuals often attract others with insecure attachment styles. Dr. Hensley notes that this choice of partner not only influences attachment but also affects overall life happiness and success. Raina shares a personal story about how triggers from a past relationship impacted her parenting recently. She discusses a situation where her unresolved emotional pain affected her interaction with her son. Raina describes the guilt she felt but focuses on the repair process, where she admitted her mistake to her son and explained that she is still working through her own challenges. Dr. Hensley stresses that mistakes in parenting are inevitable, but secure parenting lies in how we repair those mistakes—similar to how conflicts are resolved in romantic relationships. Dr. Hensley goes on to explain that our nervous systems remember trauma, which is why repairing emotional rifts with children is crucial. Children constantly seek emotional safety from their caregivers, so it’s important to show them that parents are human while ensuring that they don’t remain dysregulated or uncertain about the stability of the relationship. Dr. Hensley emphasizes the importance of teaching children how to regulate their emotions and modeling accountability when parents make mistakes. She also discusses parenting tactics she would avoid, starting with the “cry-it-out” method. Dr. Hensley admits she used this method with her first child but now challenges the approach, arguing that it can negatively impact a child’s nervous system and attachment security. She critiques sleep training specialists who promote this tactic, citing the scientific connection between crying it out and attachment insecurity. Another parenting pitfall Dr. Hensley would avoid is dismissing or punishing a child’s emotions. She explains that phrases like “You’re fine” or “Get over it” can invalidate a child’s feelings and hinder their emotional development. Instead, she recommends guiding children through the process of understanding and labeling their emotions, which aids in emotional regulation and prevents suppressing feelings, which can lead to avoidant attachment. Dr. Hensley provides a real-life example of how she helps her daughter process big emotions, emphasizing the importance of validating a child’s experiences. As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley talks about teaching children how to feel and energetically move their emotions through their bodies. This practice, she says, is key to mood regulation, physiological health, and helping children develop a deeper awareness of their bodies. She also underscores the value of teaching children to set boundaries confidently so they grow up knowing how to prioritize their own needs and desires, rather than becoming people-pleasers. The episode wraps up with a discussion about the importance of teaching accountability. Dr. Hensley encourages parents to show children how to apologize sincerely, without shifting blame or including excuses. Raina and Dr. Hensley conclude by reiterating the significance of parents working on their own attachment security to model healthy, secure behavior for their children. They emphasize that it’s never too late to start teaching children what secure attachment looks like and how to nurture it. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: ·       How attachment plays a role in how we parent our children. ·       The importance of choosing the correct partner to have or raise children with. ·       The importance of how we repair emotional situations with our children ·       The importance of teaching children emotional regulation.  .       Things Dr. Hensley would have done different or would never do on her quest to raising secure children.  .        The importance of reaching your own attachment security in order to raise secure children.                                                                                       Consider/Ask Yourself: ·       Are you allowing your own attachment wounds to influence how you parent your children? ·       Is your relationship with your current or ex partner influencing how you parent your children? ·       How can I start attuning to my children's emotional needs better? .        Am I dismissing or even punishing my children's emotions at times? .        Am I teaching my children how to set appropriate boundries and how to take accountability? 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.