The case of the woman who's scared of a shipwreck. 

Georgia knows the Titanic can't hurt her. So why does just looking at a picture fill her with dread? And can she make the fear go away? 

We find her a proxy who has spent decades helping people overcome their most irrational fears. 

In this episode: how strange fears develop and what it actually takes to overcome a phobia. 

From the episode:

— Learn more about Georgia Hampton and her work at www.georgia-hampton.com. Follow her on Instagram @real.tony.soprano and Tiktok @ realtonysoprano

— Explore psychologist Martin Antony's free books and resources on overcoming fears, from public speaking to spiders at www.martinantony.com. 

— Want to go down a rabbit hole? Get Georgia's internet-y recommendations and links to Martin's free books on overcoming fear of everything from needles to spiders in our free newsletter File Under Feelings. Sign up at proxyhq.org — just click "Join for free."

— Join us for a spooky live edition of Bad Hang on November 5, where Yowei will confront her fear of the basement with the help of listeners. Available to paid Proxy HQ members at proxyhq.org.

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs, another story about the gap between what you want to feel and what you actually do.  

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the tryhard who wants to care less.

Yowei has a problem. She overprepares, overthinks, and worries so much about doing a good job that sometimes it makes her worse at her job. Can you care deeply about your work without being consumed by whether it succeeds?

Yowei finds a proxy who manages to do serious, thoughtful work while seemingly not caring what anyone thinks. 

In this episode: ambition, rejection, the surprising costs and benefits of caring less, and the art of low investment.

From the episode: 

• Listen to Time to Say Goodbye, Jay's weekly podcast about politics, culture, fishing, surfing and some other stuff.
• See the photo hanging in Yowei's recording booth and get the low-investment reading list and the photo of Jay in Yowei's recording booth in our free newsletter File Under Feelings. Sign up at proxyhq.org — just click "Join for free." 
• Hear more of Jay's advice on speaking bro in a bonus episode of Bad Hang, available to paid members at proxyhq.org.

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro, about what happens when friends have different ways of talking and connecting. 

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the other woman. 

Ellie never thought she’d be the other woman. Then she fell in love with a married man. 

We find Ellie a proxy: another woman who knows what it's like to fall in love with someone else's husband. 

In this episode: shame, responsibility, the messy morality of affairs, and what happens when you get the happy ending you weren't supposed to have.

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Alex's Husband Is Too Straight, about a nonbinary person married to a man who still identifies as straight. 

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org — just click "Join for free." 

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the guy who keeps falling for his female friends.

Ryan Jay has a problem. He makes friends with women. They get close. Then he falls for them. It’s happened enough times that Ryan Jay is starting to question whether he actually knows how to be friends with women without wanting to date them. 

So we bring in a proxy to help Ryan Jay figure out why friendship keeps turning into romance for him — and whether there’s another way to do this. 

In this episode: the blurry line between friendship and romance, why we fall for our friends, and whether it's possible to change who we fall for.

From the episode:

—  Andrew Smiler, a licensed therapist and the author of Clinical Work with Men: Understanding Masculinity in Psychotherapy. Find out more about his work at www.andrewsmiler.com.

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Taelor Doesn't Want to Have Sex, about an asexual woman trying to figure out how to find the kind of intimacy she wants, without the part she doesn’t.

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org — just click "Join for free." 

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org for bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the future doctor who's scared to ask for help with her drinking. 

Chloe loves her life. There's just one problem: she's drinking more than she wants to, and she doesn't understand why. She's about to start medical school, but she's scared that asking for help could jeopardize her future career. So how do you deal with a drinking problem before your life falls apart? 

We find her a proxy who struggled with drinking at Chloe's age and went on to become an addiction psychiatrist. 

In this episode: the blurry line between drinking too much and having a drinking problem, why asking for help can be so scary, and what actually helps people change.

Learn about alcohol treatment:

— National Institute on Alcohol and Alcoholism — evidence-based information about medications, behavioral treatment, and mutual-support options

— NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator — finding quality treatment in the U.S.

— Healthdirect Australia — alcohol treatment and support in Australia

Resources for doctors and medical students:

— Drs4Drs — confidential support for doctors and medical students across Australia

— Australian Doctors in Recovery — confidential peer support for healthcare professionals in recovery

— Federation of State Physician Health Programs — directory of U.S. physician heath programs

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Sam Doesn’t Know How to Be Rich, another story about trying to understand a troubling pattern before it turns into an emergency.

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org — just click "Join for free." 

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org for bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

Before Proxy comes back on September 22, Yowei and Kyle hold a tiny business meeting about the state of the show: more listeners, fewer members, a new membership goal, and what it’ll take to make year three. Also, Comcast has thoughts.

The case of the asexual woman who wants love with no sex. 

Taelor wants a romantic partner. Someone to share a life with, to love and be loved by. Just without sex. But after years of dating, she's starting to wonder if what she wants is even possible. How do you grieve a life you still want but aren't sure you'll get? 

We find her a proxy who's been happily married for 12 years without compromising on sex. 

In this episode: dating while asexual, the loneliness of wanting something you can't seem to find, and how to hold on to hope without putting your life on hold.

From the episode:

— The Ace Couple podcast that Courtney hosts with her partner Royce

— Courtney Lane's work as a Victorian hair artist and historian

Funding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Alex's Husband Is Too Straight, another episode about wrestling with attraction and longterm romance outside the usual script.

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org — just click "Join for free." 

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org for bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the progressive rich guy who doesn’t know what to do with his money.

Sam grew up middle class, built a company, sold it, and suddenly found himself with more money than he ever expected. But instead of feeling free, Sam feels stuck. He doesn’t want to become the kind of rich person he used to judge. He doesn’t want money to change his relationships. He doesn’t want to hoard it. He doesn’t even want to talk about it. 

We find him a proxy who became a millionaire and then gave most of his money away.

In this episode: wealth guilt, the awkwardness of talking about money, how getting rich changes your relationships, and the question of how much is enough.

From the episode:

— Resource Generation — an organization for young people with wealth and class privilege working toward wealth redistribution

— Showing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ) — a group that organizes white people for racial and economic justice

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Mic Chooses the Wrong Life, a story about regret, comparison, and the fantasy of the unlived life.

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org — just click "Join for free." 

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org for bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the person who worries their husband still sees them as his wife. 

Alex is nonbinary, and their husband Henry is a straight cis man. Henry has been supportive through every step of Alex’s transition — pronouns, testosterone, top surgery — but Alex worries: if Henry is straight, does that mean he still sees Alex as a woman?

We. find Alex two proxies: Elvis, a trans man who transitioned inside his long-term relationship, and Ryan, Elvis’s straight cis husband. 

In this episode: the complicated relationship between identity and attraction, sex and gender dysphoria, and what happens when the person you love changes in ways you didn't expect.

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for another story about identity changing inside a relationship, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro, about the emotional rules of people who say “that’s cool."

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org — just click "Join for free." 

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org for bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the podcast host who can't speak bro.

For twelve years, Yowei has been trying — and failing — to have a normal conversation with her husband's best friend. It's not for lack of goodwill. Her theory? He speaks bro, and she doesn't know how. But what exactly is bro-speak, and can she learn to be fluent?

Yowei finds herself a proxy bro who can teach her the language.

In this episode: the unspoken rules of bro banter, why some men communicate through shit-talking, and how to connect with someone who speaks a different emotional language.

From the episode:

— Jason Stewart — podcaster, DJ, and co-host of How Long Gone. Follow him on Instagram and X @themjeans.

— Scott Kiesling — professor of linguistics at the University of Pittsburgh, whose work explores masculinity and how men use talk to build relationships and their identities. Learn more at sfkiesling.com.

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or The First Ever Extrovert-Introvert Cage Match for another case about what happens when friends have different ideas of connection. 

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org — just click "Join for free." 

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org for bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the dog trainer who stopped feeling close to her own dogs. 

Jane has devoted her life to dogs. She's worked in animal rescue, fostering, and training. But lately, something has changed. She still loves her two dogs and takes good care of them. She just doesn't feel the same connection anymore. How do you get back a feeling that's disappeared?

We find her a proxy who knows what it's like to lose the joy in caring for animals.

In this episode: compassion fatigue, the emotional toll of caring for others, and what happens when something you love starts to feel like a chore.

Please note: This story contains a brief mention of suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, call or text 988, or text HOME to 741741.

Featuring Jen Blough, LPC — therapist, compassion fatigue educator, and author of To Save a Starfish. Learn more at animalwelfarewellness.com.

Funding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.

Resources on compassion fatigue, pet caregiving, and pet loss:

—Compassion fatigue resources from ASPCApro

—Pet caregiver burden resources from Insight Animal Behavior Services

—Cornell Pet Loss Support Hotline

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Brian Can't Stop Fact-Checking His Mother-In-Lawfor another story about caregiver burden. 

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org — just click "Join for free." 

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org for bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]