The Knife is a weekly true crime podcast from producers Hannah Smith and Patia Eaton. You might remember Hannah as the original host of The Opportunist! The Knife is a show about people who’ve been dropped into a story they didn't start, but are left to finish. In-depth interviews take the listener behind the punchy headlines to hear what really happened from the people who lived it. The Knife reveals the ripple effect of crime. Through empathetic, solution-oriented journalism, Hannah and Patia find the untold stories of people who’ve been touched by crime.

Episode description:
Patia and Hannah speak with Cassie, who attended a Halloween party at an Oregon State University fraternity in 2008. The night started with costumes, loud music and a crowded basement full of college students. By the end of the night, Cassie was in the ER, holding a bag that contained her bloodstained costume. She soon found herself in a police interview recounting what happened. The state brought charges, and the case went to trial. Cassie’s story is a personal account of navigating the legal system after reporting a rape. She did everything “right" but still faced a long, painful process. Her experience echoes the questions we’ve wrestled with in high-profile campus sexual assault cases: What does justice actually look like? 

Links:
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After a traumatic childhood, Jaimee yearned for peace and stability. She found temporary solace in a long-term marriage, but when it ended, she was drawn to a charismatic and charming man. However, beneath his appealing exterior lay a dark reality. As the relationship unfolded, it spiraled into psychological control, emotional and physical abuse. Caught in a dangerous and toxic situation, Jaimee soon found herself in a battle for her life.
chapters
(00:00) listen with caution
(00:17) next on lovelustfear
(01:34) about jaimee
(02:45) jaimee’s story
(01:04:30) questions & answers
(01:14:57) closing thoughts
(01:16:14) charity & organizations
(01:16:44) submit your story
(01:16:55) disclaimer
** This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of sexual assault, physical and emotional abuse. Please listen with caution.**
quotes
“I was in an extremely vulnerable place…I was in a real crossroads in life. My marriage was breaking down. I was very alone. I was lacking this love, lacking attention, lacking validation.” - Jaimee
“…he was so hot and cold, so he would be super charismatic and flirty and then all of a sudden would kind of shift and become quite offhand or even slightly rude.” - Jaimee
“He called me so many names that night and I was just so taken aback. It's the first time I'd ever seen this side. I was a bitch. I was a slut.” - Jaimee
“I was just an absolute mess inside and out. My body was shutting down. I shook all day. I shook all day constantly. I had anxiety attacks constantly.” - Jaimee
“…and he locked the car doors and he drove off away from my driveway. And he said, I fooled you. I tricked you.” - Jaimee 
“I really thought that he said to me, I'll fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. And I thought, okay, I really am gonna die here.” - Jaimee 
“That's seriously, one of the biggest things I've learned is you just, you can't, you can't outrun your trauma. It will catch you at, at some point, unless you, you face it and you deal with it.” - Jaimee 
topics | #DysfunctionalFamily #AbusiveRelationship #ChildhoodTrauma
#CopingMechanisms #ToxicRelationships #Manipulation
#LoveBombing #EmotionalAbuse #Control #AssaultSurvivor
#Isolation #MentalHealthMatters #LeavingAbuse #TraumaHealing
#SurvivorStory #HealingJourney #SupportSurvivors #EndAbuse
#YouAreNotAlone #Resilience
music | sounds
Lost Place Atmospheres 002  & Just Deep 1 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Other Music and Sound Effects by: Alex Wit, cybercutie, Samuel Kamau, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, AlesiaDavina, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay
stay aware | follow | share (jaimee)
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788 
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/
story submission information 
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
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E-mail | [email protected]
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Spotify
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Apple
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As Lisa rises to fame in the modeling world, her ambition takes her around the globe. What starts as a dream life quickly unravels when she becomes the target of a dangerous sexual predator. Exploited by those in power, she refuses to stay silent, putting herself at risk to uncover the truth and protect others from the same fate.

chapters
(00:00) listen with caution
(00:16) next on lovelustfear
(01:44) about lisa
(02:40) lisa’s story
(36:16) questions & answers
(44:39) closing thoughts
(46:12) charity & organizations
(46:42) submit your story
(46:53) disclaimer
** This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of sexual assault, human trafficking, and coerion. Please listen with caution.**

quotes
"I definitely always had this personality where I like to have a voice." - Lisa
"As I became a model in my teens, it was like. The mid nineties, right? So we had all these supermodels and every little girl wanted to be a model." - Lisa
I've had certain experiences that I always felt like I could handle." - Lisa
"His whole demeanor changed. He was definitely very, very different at this point. I felt like I couldn't leave the room." - Lisa
"It just changed everything for me and my trust in men for my body, my trust in myself." - Lisa
 "They cannot be silenced anymore. That's where the shift is going to change, because when people, yes, are assaulted, they're speaking out where predators have always relied on the fact that all the victims stay silent." - Lisa

topics | #Healing #Transparency #Modeling #Identity #Podcasting #Trauma #Empowerment #Predators #Boundaries #SelfDiscovery #Grooming #Assault #Trust #Relationships #SelfPerception #Mentorship #PowerDynamics #EmotionalImpact #Abuse #ModelingIndustry #SpeakingOut #SurvivorStories #Corruption #PersonalGrowth

music | sounds
Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Other Music and Sound Effects by: Alex Wit, cybercutie, freesound_community, Geoffrey Harvey, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, AlesiaDavina, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay

stay aware | follow | share (lisa)
https://www.instagram.com/iamlisaphillips/
https://www.youtube.com/@fromnowonpod
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/from-now-on/id1766405014
https://open.spotify.com/show/1vOhoPrOkwIyCNApzsBlF8
https://www.tiktok.com/@fromnowonpod
https://linktr.ee/fromnowonpod

National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788 
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/
story submission information 
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
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After enduring sexual harassment in her early teens, Lynn turns to older men for comfort as she enters adulthood. She becomes pregnant by an abusive partner, faces the heart-wrenching decision of abortion, and suffers further assault. Despite her longing to heal, she becomes caught in toxic cycles, growing increasingly isolated and trapped. Driven by the need to end the cycle of abuse, she fights to break free.
chapters
(00:00) listen with caution
(00:24) next on lovelustfear
(02:23) about lynn
(03:18) lynn’s story
(46:04) questions & answers
(58:59) closing thoughts
(01:00:08) charity & organizations
(01:00:38) submit your story
(01:00:50) disclaimer
** This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of sexual assault, physical abuse, and abortion. Please listen with caution.**
quotes
“I developed very fast. I felt like I almost went from being a little girl to being a young woman, who was leered at and gawked at…” - Lynn
“They became abusive…you never knew what kind of person you were gonna get with him.” - Lynn
“…there's no way that I'm gonna get pregnant. and that's exactly what happened.” - Lynn
“A few months later I got a phone call from the father of the baby, from my previous boyfriend, He broke into the house in the middle of the night. He walked into my bedroom, scared the hell out of me. And then in the morning he had left me this incredibly creepy note that said, amongst other things, I just wanted to watch you sleep.” - Lynn
“…that was his way of getting me away from everything that I knew, my job, my friends, my hometown, any connection that I had to anyone to get me alone in a new state to isolate me.” - Lynn
“I encourage everyone out there who has experienced any type of abuse, whether it be emotional or physical, psychological, sexual, to find a good outlet.” - Lynn
“I feel like every time I tell the story, now that I gain a little bit of myself.” - Lynn
topics | #Relationships #EmotionalAbuse #ToxicDynamics #Trust #SelfWorth #AbusiveRelationships #EmotionalManipulation #SexualAssault #ToxicRelationships #RedFlags #Support #Silencing #Fear #Trauma #Reporting #Assault #GenerationalTrauma #Healing #Partner
music | sounds
Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres (001-003) by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, cybercutie, TheoJT, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, Samuel Kamau, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay
stay aware | follow | share (lynn)
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788 
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/
Hope Alliance 
https://www.hopealliancetx.org/
To assist those whose lives have been affected by family and sexual violence by providing safety, services, and developing partnerships that lead to hope, healing, and prevention.
To provide hope of future generations through prevention and be a leader in saving and transforming lives affected by family and sexual violence.
End Violence Against Women International
https://evawintl.org/
We confront interpersonal violence against adults and adolescents of all genders. We specialize in trauma-informed law enforcement responses—from the first interaction with a victim through the investigation and potential prosecution. Positive outcomes for survivors require everyone working together, so we also champion collaborative practices, with multidisciplinary training for health care providers, prosecutors, advocates, and others who respond to survivors.
The National Training Center on Crimes Against Women
https://trainingcaw.org/
The National Training Center on Crimes Against Women (NTC) is a state-of-the-art facility in Dallas, Texas that provides year-round training for those addressing violence against women. Leveraging the rich history of the Conference on Crimes Against Women, NTC offers learning opportunities ranging from basic to advanced levels. Additionally, NTC builds community in the region by hosting free events, even those outside its primary focus areas.
story submission information 
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear
E-mail | [email protected]
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/
subscription links
Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear
Spotify
https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec
Apple
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283
RSS feed
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Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review.
Thank you for your support! 

Lauryn’s romance with her movie theater coworker spirals into a toxic cycle of heartbreak, doubt, and obsession, leaving her emotionally crushed but driven to prove her instincts right.

chapters
(00:00) listen with caution
(00:16) next on lovelustfear
(02:08) about lauryn
(03:14) lauryn’s story
(31:26) questions & answers
(38:49) closing thoughts
(39:53) charity & organizations
(40:23) submit your story
(40:34) disclaimer

quotes

"...in middle school when girls and boys were starting to pay more attention to each other. And I had crushes, but they were not reciprocated..." - Lauryn

“At the time, I was just like, we're going to be together forever. We had talked about it. You're the love of my life. I'm the love of your life.” - Lauryn

"He breaks up with me, I'm devastated, I start to move on, he calls me, we get back together, he starts to pull away again." - Lauryn

"I'm crying and sobbing, and I wake my parents up. I wake my mom up, and I tell her…I feel like I'm going to die and I will do anything to make this pain stop." - Lauryn

"I'm begging him, begging him, please just break it off with me. I can't do this anymore. I know that you're cheating on me. I know something's going on. I feel it. He was like, I know that we've been through a lot, but you have to learn to trust me." - Lauryn

“Most people that know me, I guarantee you would be like Lauren would rather eat glass than sit around and let someone disrespect her because it's not who I am. But back then, it was who I was…” - Lauryn

topics

#romanticmovies #toxicrelationships #heartbreak #infidelityandbetrayal #selfesteemjourney #comingofagestory #emotionalrecovery #lifeafterheartbreak #loveandselfdiscovery #cheatingandrecovery #teenageromance #lovecycles #findingyourself #healingafterheartbreak #toxiclovepatterns #copingwithbreakups #romanticizedlove #boundariesinrelationships #heartbreaktohealing #redefininglove #trust #stability #doubts #cheating #breakup #devastation #infidelity #confrontation #betrayal #trauma #mentalhealth #recovery #chronicillness #podcasting #awareness #support #podcast

music | sounds
Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay

stay aware | follow | share (lauryn)

Women Deliver
https://womendeliver.org
An Unwavering Advocate for Girls and Women – Women Deliver
We’re a global advocacy organization guided by one end result: that every girl and woman exercises her rights to full bodily autonomy and health.

National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788 
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/

story submission information 
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear
E-mail | [email protected]
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subscription links
Amazon Music
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Spotify
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Apple
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Allyn meets a captivating man who swiftly declares his love, asks her to be his girlfriend, and proposes. But as their long-distance relationship deepens, she uncovers his lingering connection with an ex, leading her down a dark path of deception.

chapters
(00:00) listen with caution
(00:16) next on lovelustfear
(01:40) about allyn
(02:38) allyn’s story
(56:35) questions & answers
(01:01:54) closing thoughts
(01:02:40) charity & organizations
(01:03:10) submit your story
(01:03:21) disclaimer

quotes
“My criteria was something more serious and committed in hopes of finding my person in marriage and all the things that I had kind of been shown and was striving for in life…” - Allyn
“He was all the things that I hadn't experienced in conversations prior with people, and that was something that really drew me in and that I appreciated about him.” - Allyn
“Within less than a week, he told me that he loved me. That was right after our first FaceTime, within probably twenty minutes of us getting off the phone. At that same time, he told me that he wanted to have kids with me, couldn't wait for me to be their Mom.” - Allyn
“Within two hours, probably two hours of being there, I was with his mom…and his mom was with me and she ended up on the phone, on speaker with someone. And they said, Allyn and, and him are going to be coming by, they're with us now, we'll all be together later or something. And the person said, who's Allyn? Who's that? I can't keep track of them.” - Allyn 
“And I leaned down, pull something, and out comes lingerie from under his bed. And I just froze. And I look under there, and there's also a woman's shirt and a purse. And I'm thinking really fast, how do I want to handle this?” - Allyn
“...but, in my mind, I was just waiting for, we were waiting for something to happen with his work, we were waiting for a green light on something, and again, he left me in limbo. I just felt like a weird suspended state.” - Allyn

topics
#datingjourney #onlinedating #datingapps #socialawkwardness #whirlwindromance #commitment #engagement #intertwinedfamilies #engagement #honesty #secret #trust #stability #housing #ex-girlfriend #frustration #gaslighting #doubts #cheating #breakup #devastation #infidelity #confrontation #devastation #anger #remorse #cover-up #betrayal #trauma #mentalhealth #recovery #chronicillness #podcasting #awareness #support #podcast

music | sounds
Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres 002 & 003 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Geoffrey Harvey, Cybercutie, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay

stay aware | follow | share (allyn)
Podcast | When Heaven Meets Hell
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/when-heaven-meets-hell/id1757647021
https://open.spotify.com/show/0Ck1Xm1rqmu8BgEUbZpyfE
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/596cc7d9-1ad4-4777-838a-8680c1b62cf6/when-heaven-meets-hell

Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/allyn.amerongen/

Allyn Amerongen: Coaching. Speaking. Community.
https://doingitdespite.com/

War Party Movement
https://warpartymovement.com/
At War Party Movement we're about having "less thunder in the mouth, more lightning in the hand." We are fiercely committed to taking action in breaking cycles of abuse and fundamentally changing the way women are treated, across the country and particularly in Native communities, through our 501(c)3 non-profit War Party Ranch. We provide opportunities for women and girls to create working and life skills that foster independence and self reliance in all aspects of their lives and in all future endeavors.

National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788 
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/

story submission information 
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear
E-mail | [email protected]
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/

subscription links
Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear
Spotify
https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec
Apple
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283
RSS feed
https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss

Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review.

Thank you for your support! 

After her divorce, Lorraine sought advice from a shaman, who encouraged her to let others take the lead. She started taking dance classes and began dating her partner, who eventually revealed himself to be a manipulative and controlling narcissist, drawing her into a cycle of escalating abuse.

**This episode contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, racism, and mental, emotional, and physical abuse. Listener discretion is advised.**

chapters

(00:00) listen with caution
(00:16) next on lovelustfear
(01:58) about lorraine
(02:51) lorraine’s story
(47:10) questions & answers
(49:34) closing thoughts
(50:37) charity & organizations
(51:07) submit your story
(51:17) disclaimer

quotes

“I decided to take therapy sessions from a shaman. And she said to Lorraine, you have problems being led.” - Lorraine
“I always already checking off all the boxes of how could I be the helper in this the Savior in this relationship?” - Lorraine
“...she said, it took me eight years to get my life back together after what he did to me. And she said, This man will break you down until you are absolutely nothing.” - Lorraine
“I would often lock myself in rooms to get away from him because sometimes things became violent…” - Lorraine
“...the Police officer flips open his gun, puts his hand on his gun and says to me, are you resisting arrest? And that's when it hit me. I'm like, Oh my God. I am a black English speaking woman in a French speaking province. I am fucked.” - Lorraine
“We keep our head up and we walk strong and we believe in God. And we believe in higher power, and we believe in kindness, and that's what's kept me through.” - Lorraine

music | sounds

Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres 002 & 003 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Samuel Kamau, Cybercutie, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay

stay aware | follow | share (lorraine)

Go Fund Me Page: https://gofund.me/5bd8a430
Narcissism The Comedy Night: 
https://www.montrealimprov.com/shows/narcissism-a-comedy-night
Narcissism The Improvised Musical : https://www.montrealimprov.com/shows/narcissism-the-musical-a-fundraising-event
Instagram:
www.instagram.com/thestarparentpodcast
Woman Aware: 
https://www.womenaware.ca/
Natalie Bedard better known as NatNat
Energy Healing Specialist: Regulating the Nervous System and Relieving Emotional and Mental Pain Through Breathwork
Website: www.LiftOneSelf.com
IG: Https://instagram.com/liftoneself
FB: Https://facebook.com/liftoneself
Podcast:
https://liftoneself.buzzsprout.com
Youtube:
https://m.youtube.com/@LiftOneSelfPodcast

National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788 
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/

story submission information 

If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.

submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear
E-mail | [email protected]
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/

subscription links

Chartable
https://link.chtbl.com/lovelustfear
Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear
Spotify
https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec
Apple
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283
RSS feed
https://audioboom.com/channels/5125912.rss

Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review.

Thank you for your support! 

At seventeen, Terra is captivated by a charismatic classmate who exploits her need for attention, leading them into a troubling cycle of drug abuse and criminal behavior. Terra's physical addiction to him only serves to deepen the toxicity within their relationship.
**This episode contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, murder, suicide, mental, emotional, and physical abuse, and drug use. Listener discretion is advised.**

chapters
(00:00) listen with caution
(00:16) next on lovelustfear
(01:42) about terra
(02:23) terra’s story
(33:25) questions & answers
(36:46) closing thoughts
(37:43) charity & organizations
(38:12) submit your story
(38:23) disclaimer

quotes
“I found myself leaning into the attention whenever I would get it. And then when the attention would stop, I would seek it out.” - Terra
“…but then he smoothed things over. He was just so good at explaining everything so good at covering everything up.” - Terra
“With him coming into my life with him even bringing the drugs and creating that addiction, it created an addiction in the relationship with him.” - Terra
“It made me feel like I had to have my phone on me all the time. I need to answer him right away. I need to, be there for him. And, if I didn't answer that message, then I got punished.” - Terra
“I say before you even think about making that comment of ‘she should have left’ or ‘she chose this’ is go and do the research of how hard it is to leave. Go and do the research of what your brain actually looks like when you're in this toxic relationship.” - Terra

music | sounds
Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres (001 - 003) and Neon City by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Cybercutie, AlesiaDavina, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay
Spacetime by Mountaineer

stay aware | follow | share (terra)

https://seasonofjustice.org
https://www.terranewellsurvival.com

National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788 
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
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Emma seeks comfort in the arms of a former client whose initial charm and good looks give way to his darker traits, trapping her in escalating emotional turmoil and abuse.
chapters
(00:00) listen with caution
(00:16) next on lovelustfear
(01:29) about emma
(02:23) emma’s story
(28:31) questions & answers
(32:40) closing thoughts
(33:37) charity & organizations
(34:07) submit your story
(34:17) disclaimer
quotes
“All in the same week, I lost a dog, a job, a relationship, and a house. It was just like one of those things where your world is completely turned upside down and you're very vulnerable, right?” - Emma
“I run into Ben again, and Ben is somebody that women do see and say, wow, that guy's very attractive. And, we exchanged numbers and decided to go out for drinks one night… within a couple weeks, he had said, I want you to be my girlfriend.” - Emma
“He'd always kind of put on this good face for other people and then if there was any sort of stress or something that he perceived as a stress it would set him off.” - Emma
“My sense of safety around him, I think I was always aware that the day could be a bad day or like, I hope he's not in a bad mood and anything could really put him in a bad mood.” - Emma
“And I said something like, you're really scaring me, and all of a sudden he goes looks at me and he goes ‘you should be scared’ and he puts his foot on the gas like all the way, you know, ninety miles an hour swerving, screeching, whipping around and I'm just absolutely freaking out.” - Emma
“I didn't want to give him the power to ruin romantic love for me or the idea of a relationship for me, I wasn't going to do that.” - Emma
music | sounds
Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres (001 & 002) by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Other Music and Sound Effects by Franco Gonzalez, Cybercutie, Geoffrey Harvey, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay
Spacetime by Mountaineer
stay aware | follow | share (emma)
Kimberly Weeks
https://www.thenarcissisticabusecoach.com/
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788 
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/
story submission information 
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
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After her marriage is shattered by betrayal, Debra turns to alcohol, descending into addiction. Despite her efforts to maintain sobriety, she becomes entangled in a toxic relationship with an enabler who subjects her to emotional abuse, manipulation, and coercive control.

chapters

(00:00) listen with caution
(00:16) next on lovelustfear
(01:38) about debra
(02:18) debra’s story
(27:03) questions & answers
(34:50) closing thoughts
(35:36) charity & organizations
(36:15) submit your story
(36:26) disclaimer

quotes

“...but the end of that marriage is where I learned to equate chemicals with avoiding pain…alcohol became a problem pretty quickly for me.” - Debra

“I just like continued to choose worse and worse partners along the way because I lost my self-respect.” - Debra

“So, within record time, I'm like fired from my great job, already have given up the house that I had just re established. And so, at this point, I'm pretty realizing that I'm dependent on him.” - Debra

“Anything I told him, any vulnerability I shared with him would become his weapon the next time. It would be whatever he would control me with or, something to make me feel bad about.” - Debra

“And the closure will come when you finally see you are enough. Nobody else is going to make you more, you are fine as you are. and it's not something that you can just read a self-help book and get there, but you know, there's people that can help. Help you to see it.” - Debra

guest links | debra

The Alternative Hair Alchemist | Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/alternative-hair-alchemist-a-podcast-about/id1627588998

music | sounds

Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com/)

Other Music and Sound Effects by Cybercutie, Geoffrey Harvey, Alex Wit, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay

Spacetime by Mountaineer

stay aware | follow | share (debra)

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism
https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohols-effects-health/niaaa-middle-school/helpful-resources

The mission of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism is to generate and disseminate fundamental knowledge about the adverse effects of alcohol on health and well-being, and apply that knowledge to improve diagnosis, prevention, and treatment of alcohol-related problems, including alcohol use disorder, across the lifespan.

National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788 
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/

story submission information 

If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.

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Following her divorce, Kenzi returned to her hometown and ventured into online dating, where she developed a promising friendship with romantic potential. However, the situation took a dark turn when Kenzi found herself subjected to his disturbing and abusive behavior.

chapters

(00:00) listen with caution
(00:16) next on lovelustfear
(01:42) about kenzi
(02:26) kenzi’s story
(22:00) questions & answers
(29:22) closing thoughts
(30:19) charity & organizations
(30:49) submit your story
(31:00) disclaimer

quotes

“I started to really realize like, okay, I'm going to have to leave this marriage because if I don't leave this marriage at some point, I'm not so sure I'm going to make it out at all.” - Kenzi

“I have got to rebuild my life. And I finally get to this point where I want to start the process of exploring dating.” - Kenzi

“And he just looks me dead in the face. And he says, If you're not going or staying the night, I might as well just go ahead and get this over with.” - Kenzi

“I'm just like, God, please let me get my shoes on and get the fuck out of here, like, please, just let me get the fuck out of here safe, like, please don't let anything happen to me.” - Kenzi

“And what I would tell them is that you have no idea what somebody is going through until you are standing right in their shoes and you're put into the exact same situation. You don't know how you would react. You don't know how you would act. You don't know what you would say.” - Kenzi

guest links | kenzi

Inside The Case | Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/inside-the-case/id1679471501

Instagram | Kenzi Durbin
https://www.instagram.com/thisiskenzi_/

music | sounds

Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Other Music and Sound Effects by Franco Gonzalez, Jan Hill, Alex Wit, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, UNIVERSFIELD, and TheoJT from Pixabay

Spacetime by Mountaineer

stay aware | follow | share (kenzi)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788 
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/

story submission information 

If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.

submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear
E-mail | [email protected]
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subscription links

Chartable
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Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear
Spotify
https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec
Apple
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RSS feed
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Thank you for your support!