The Time Traveler's Guide to NOT Getting Caught

The Time Traveler's Guide to NOT Getting Caught

This is the story of how I found a time traveling watch behind a dumpster and my subsequent adventures through time as I make the world a better place...for me...and sometimes for other people as well...I mean, I have no doubt other people also benefited from the changes I made, so in some ways, it's kind of the story of how I became the greatest hero of all time...as well as a guide for any of you who might wind up finding a time machine and becoming a time traveler.

  • 20 minutes 28 seconds
    Ch 26: That Time I Met Him Part 2

    Yes, it's true, the man who left me my time traveling watch was my dad [DUN DUN DUNNNN].  Now for those of you who aren't listening week to week and accidentally saw this synopsis before you watched the previous episode, I bet you're feeling pretty foolish right now for getting such a great mystery spoiled.  Let this be a lesson for you that I am most definitely going to spoil previous episodes in my synopses, and why are you even reading the synopsis of a future episode?  That's really weird.  Anyway, the guy claims to be my dad but I need proof before I call him daddy, so he shows me proof by taking us back to when he met my mother.

    14 June 2024, 3:00 am
  • 9 minutes 51 seconds
    Ch 25: That Time I Met Him

    After future me got touched by Jesus in a totally appropriate way, he decided he was ready to move on with his life and start a family, which was totally great for him, but kinda sucked for me because I lost my best friend.  Losing myself made me contemplate the big questions in life, like who left the time traveling watch behind the dumpster.  And so, I set out to discover the greatest mystery of my life!

    7 June 2024, 3:00 am
  • 29 minutes 41 seconds
    Ch 24: That Time I Met Jesus

    Yes, it's true, I had wild sex with a Native American who was most definitely not super old, and it was awesome!  All in all, my trip to Plymouth Plantation was a success, seeing as how I got a free meal and had some wild sex.  But after the debauchery that took place in Puritan times, future me and present me felt like we needed to cleanse our soul, and so we decided to go back and meet Jesus.

    31 May 2024, 3:00 am
  • 23 minutes 54 seconds
    Ch 23: That Time I Went to the First Thanksgiving and Had Sex with an Indian

    Finally, Alvie was brought to justice!  Now, I know abandoning someone back in Ancient Pompeii before a volcano wipes out the entire town might sound cruel, but you gotta remember, this guy abandoned me on the Titanic...AND, his name's Alvie!  ALVIE!!  Anyway, even though we made our nemesis pay for his betrayal and we could've just gone home to watch iCarly, me and my future self still wanted to enjoy the very first Thanksgiving meal and also, make sweet, passionate and unselfish sex to the hot pilgrim.  And so, we returned to Plymouth Plantation!

    24 May 2024, 3:00 am
  • 30 minutes 41 seconds
    Ch 22: That Time I Went Back to Plymouth Plantation to Paint Alvie's Face

    It was time.  Time for us to go back to the very first Thanksgiving and get my watch back from Alvie.  Yes I know, it meant I had to go back to colonial America AGAIN, but despite the time period sucking, I was looking forward to a great meal and Alvie's great reckoning.  Spoiler alert: I wind up getting my watch back...oh you don't like spoilers?  Then why're you even reading these synopses?

    17 May 2024, 3:00 am
  • 19 minutes 20 seconds
    Ch 21: That Time I Met My Future Self

    OMG, my future self who was 10 years older came back and rescued me from a miserable life being trapped in the past.  And, if I may say, I was looking quite hot in my middle age.  Me and myself wanted to do nothing more than bring Alvie to justice and reclaim my time traveling watch, but we both decided that first, we should go to a club and pick up a hot lady!

    10 May 2024, 3:00 am
  • 41 minutes 19 seconds
    Ch 20: Okay let's get this restarted

    Well, I was screwed.  Not only was I stuck on the Titanic as it hit an iceberg, but I was also feeling super emasculated being held down by the two Alvies and getting my time traveling watch stolen from me.  But all was not lost.  I could still find a way to survive this whole ordeal, but in order for me to somehow get back to the present, I would first need to get on a lifeboat.  But how...

    3 May 2024, 3:00 am
  • 39 minutes 27 seconds
    Ch 19: That Time I was on the Maiden Voyage of the Titanic

    Yes it's true, I had a threesome in 1944 Los Angeles, and it was as amazing as it sounds.  It was so great that I had an immediate urge to share my story, and so I decided to meet up with my time traveling buddy and tell him all about it which meant, it was time to go on the Titanic.  This was a doozy of a trip, and yes, I'm using the word doozy now.  Do I use a lot of James Cameron Titanic references in this chapter?  Yes.  Do the James Cameron Titanic references ever get old?  No.  Do I enjoy asking myself questions in the episode synopsis?  Yes. 

    26 April 2024, 3:00 am
  • 27 minutes 21 seconds
    Ch 18: That Time I Went Back to the 1940s to Court Lonely Wives

    Now that I was an enlightened individual, I felt like I didn't need to do any more work on myself and should instead indulge in my sexual desires.  So I brainstormed what would be the easiest time period to get laid, and that's when I realized that most of the men in the 1940s were fighting in World War II which meant there was a super high ratio of women to men back in America, so I make my way back to 1944 Los Angeles.

    19 April 2024, 3:00 am
  • 25 minutes 25 seconds
    Ch 17: That Time I Discovered Isaac Newton Discovering Gravity

    After taking LSD and tripping through time, I felt like I needed some more clarity in life, and so of course, I decide to go back to The Age of Enlightenment.  After looking up when and what that actually was, I wind up back in London in 1687 where I meet Sir Isaac Newton before he was a sir.  It was also the time before he had ever gotten laid, so I do what anybody in my shoes would do...I help Isaac Newton lose his virginity.

    12 April 2024, 3:00 am
  • 17 minutes 29 seconds
    Ch 16: That Time I Took Acid at Woodstock and Wound up Tripping Through Time

    Still reeling from my breakup with the babysitter, I decided I needed to have some me time so I travel to Woodstock because, you know, that's the best place to have me time.  While there, I wind up taking some acid and having the craziest trip of all time!

    5 April 2024, 3:00 am
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