Dropping an episode has done exactly what basic maths suggested it would do to the podcast downloads, so Ned and Josh consider making one perfectly respectable episode people can safely recommend to friends. Josh finally discovers what The Mighty Mighty Bosstones meant by “knock on wood”, his wildly inconsistent intelligence gets examined, a business turns manual labour into adult PE, and Aaron Pierre’s physique in Lanterns provides some fairly compelling workout motivation.

There’s charging-port lint to excavate, pimple-popping videos to banish, a 100-year-old World War II veteran receiving 4,000 birthday cards, and a search for the perfect person to congratulate every American centenarian. School brings Pythagoras theorem, homemade paper, stolen office supplies, one former radio worker becoming an AI success story, a maths teacher crushing some rare enthusiasm and an osmosis shortcut that immediately falls apart.

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A pre-show joke gets sent straight to the cutting-room floor, then Ned and Josh ask why Americans saying Melbourne correctly can somehow sound worse, whether Brisbane secretly needs a D, how four-year-olds turned “shut up” into top-tier profanity, why “crap” once became the terrifying C-word, and how Andy Griffiths introduced “rack off” to a childhood vocabulary.

The NFL’s Melbourne visit brings the 49ers and Rams into the mix, Disney x NFL merch gets judged, and Piper’s 4.2kg arrival leads into the first time holding a newborn, paid baby photos and the claim that all newborns look alike. Then an MMA fighter insists he could beat a chimpanzee, Planet of the Apes gets rewritten for COVID, dogs catching COVID becomes a full argument, and “buoyed” returns as a disputed term.

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Aldi condoms, bargain snow boots and the eternal Aldi-versus-Costco argument all find their place alongside Ned completely failing to acknowledge Josh’s exciting American listener statistics. “Buoyed” becomes a surprisingly heated vocabulary dispute, Evelyn Montclair arrives via scam text with immaculate fake-business energy, a discussion to create her ideal counterpart follows, and a stock-market phone conversation in a work toilet meets an aggressively biological interruption.

Elsewhere, Ned decides “my Instagram” might age a person instantly, bathroom calls with Dads are rejected on principle, The Dark Knight resurfaces at exactly the wrong moment, the hypothetical return of Jesus creates immediate panic, AI complicates the miracle business, a gastroenterologist proves harder to pronounce than expected, a Virginia woman wakes to a bat near her mouth, Lenny solves his own missing-dog crisis, and a childhood cockroach chooses the worst possible sleeping spot.

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What does an old-school Aussie pub bloke sound like while discussing mortgage stress over a morning coffee? That sits alongside the case for a married couple's house signature, Josh meeting his new niece Piper, Ned's disastrous receipt joke, a Roomba that becomes evidence of infidelity, the mystery of modern-day Palm Pilots and a Watergate discussion that eventually reaches Edward Snowden.

Zambrero guac brings better luck on the joke front, letting someone with two groceries skip the queue becomes a moral issue, Whose Line Is It Anyway? and Thank God You're Here spark improv memories, being proven right gets its own philosophical moment, checkout waiting times become absurd, famous Neds are assigned official responsibilities, brushing your teeth in the car remains deeply questionable, and Josh reveals the grim logic behind booking flights as Joshua.

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An innocent workplace whistle sends Ned into dangerous musical territory before attention turns to the cracked toilet seat he ignored for months, the astonishing price of premium replacements and the decidedly Frisbee-like model he eventually buys. McDonald’s then introduces its Australian McGold Card, but “McDonald’s for life” apparently means $30 a week for 40 years, which raises some questions about why companies keep using the words “for life” and then getting annoyed when customers interpret them literally.

There is also the recently defeated proposal for Ned to give a houseguest his own bed, an unexpected Tasmanian interpretation of Southern hospitality and a new party greeting involving a fistful of famous people who share your first name. Instagram etiquette reminds Josh of teaching his Dad that everyone could see what he was liking, Ted Cruz manages another spectacular social-media mistake, and public figures are asked why they keep voluntarily wandering into this minefield. Dolly Parton then emerges as perhaps the rare famous person everybody can agree on.

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Apparently $100 still buys far more enthusiasm from a nine-year-old than it does from an exhausted adult asked to move boxes. Carrie’s lifting ability comes under scrutiny, Ned admits part of his workday was spent asleep in his car, Lenny takes immediate offence to Josh’s energy, and a near-collision involving a burrito opens the door to some questionable pedestrian etiquette. A tray of pub drinks then inspires a proposed rule for deciding who actually owes whom an apology.

Elsewhere, the Empire State Building couple return with serious Batman and Catwoman energy, Usain Bolt becomes the benchmark for exposing The Flash, and Superman’s secret identity raises some dark questions about road rage. GTA 6 brings a Netflix trailer, pricing complaints, missing physical discs, a refusal to pre-order, major leaks and Ned’s baffling theory of how hacking works. Then one Google search destroys a childhood assumption: Mavis Beacon was never real.

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An $80 Ned & Josh shirt may or may not be coming, tomato sauce faces an attempted ban, unnecessary dog breeds are placed on notice and hat ownership could soon be capped at two. Then comes an airport lounge loophole so effective one man apparently ate first-class food 300 times without ever taking the flight, followed by the Washington DC bomb scare that turned out to involve a piece of adult equipment with an alarming amount of machinery.

PBR sparks a debate about what beer actually needs to taste like, complicated craft brews get questioned and the idea of finding a job you genuinely love takes a reality check. There’s also the legitimacy of Twitch as a career, helping a child launch a family-only YouTube channel, what OnlyFans might have meant at 18, the emotional decline from 32 to 35, the dopamine hit of fresh socks and undies, Justin Bieber’s disposable underwear habit and why not every pair of Calvin Kleins is apparently created equal.

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The Ned & Josh Podcast enters its new Tuesday and Thursday era before Ned wonders whether paternal instinct magically arrives with parenthood, a seven-year-old gets abandoned halfway up Mount Fuji, and an attempted Von Trapp compliment goes spectacularly badly. There’s also a serious examination of whether fur-lined Crocs can legally leave the house, the continuing hatred of Jamiroquai, and a bank that has spent 18 months trying to return a single cent.

Elsewhere, parking inspectors manage to park Ned in, a heart attack victim somehow still ends up with a parking fine, and the boys nominate the glory days of social media, mobile phones, house parties and problematic rappers. Then comes the mystery of starting a budget when you have no money and the financial philosophy of a man capable of finding new income streams only to immediately spend them.

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The Ned & Josh Podcast is moving from three episodes a week to two, Producer Michael discovers he had absolutely no vote, and the Pod Pals are predicted to respond with complaints followed by reluctant support. There's an Eminem snare argument, a last-word rap karaoke app, a hunt for the right beat, the creation of MC Brewza, a disastrous first freestyle, accusations of blaming the tools, another attempt and a final declaration that Ned is ready for 8 Mile. 

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What begins with Ned being caught texting turns into a discussion about knowing your intellectual limits, why conspiracy theories are appealing and the freedom Josh feels when somebody else is responsible for flying the plane. A viral prediction that gravity would stop working brings NASA, floating cars and an argument over anchored houses into the mix, while Josh’s first stretch alone at the office reveals he is considerably less comfortable when responsibility involves answering somebody else’s phone.

Ned is now crafting custom Magic: The Gathering accessories and fears his furry bear deck box may have overshot the acceptable level of enthusiasm. Josh is meanwhile drinking raspberry lemonade with all the elegance of a small child, spaghetti mouth becomes an unexpected relationship test, and old memories surface about cordial, soft drink deliveries and protected supplies of Diet Coke. We finish with 8 Mile, Eminem’s performance anxiety, Josh’s professional wrestling experience, the baffling choice of pre-battle spaghetti and a freestyle rap challenge Ned may soon regret discovering.

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How much credit should two podcasters receive for making it more than 400 episodes before deliberately recording a fart? From there, Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey gets linked back to Dunkirk, Penelope’s commitment is tested against modern relationship standards and Josh figures his unhinged names for the family dogs would expose any attempt to return home secretly. A bathroom emergency then leaves him literally sitting in darkness at work.

The possibility of flight introduces fleshy bat wings and other anatomical horrors, Ian Thorpe receives a patriotic defence, and Josh prepares for negotiations over the PlayStation when the family changes houses. We discover Mark Zuckerberg is feeding cattle macadamia nuts, debate whether becoming one of those cows would actually be a decent lifestyle and acknowledge how quickly anti-billionaire principles crumble around luxury perks. Then there’s the Tiguan that apparently looks far too much like an undercover police car.

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