Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are players whose name-based chants sound like they're being booed, the layout of seven-goal thrillers on score apps, the flimsy logic of “but they still had 11 internationals out there” and the unsatisfying spectacle of waiting for a ball to reach the edge of the D in 5-a-side.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy a superb tweet-and-blog salvo from Richard Keys.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the media wrestles with what to call the derby between Sunderland and Newcastle, bafflingly-transcribed football chants in match reports, whether both teams can have their "tails up" in quick succession, Harry Wilson and the "human after all" threshold, a football cliché uttered in UK parliament for the very first time and David Moyes not enjoying a wacky question.

The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All profits will go to Shelter.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Download SAILY in your app store and use code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase! For more info, visit https://saily.com/cliches

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The Ashes are basically done and dusted after England’s pink ball capitulation. Time for the third session of Cricket Cliches, but is it a tricky little one?

Stokes and Baz have been facing the media, maybe the toughest test of all. Is there anything they can say that will help? Don’t think so, champ.

What we need is another way to bring a bit of levity to proceedings. No disingenuous protests here, there’s really nothing funnier than a man getting hit in the balls.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: England's March "send-off" to the World Cup, Clive Tyldesley commentary intonations in Sky Atlantic trailers, a brave radio reporter subverts the “turned provider” classic, some very unthreatening hooligans in a BBC radio drama and Richard Keys’s news in brief.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder the "famous old club" threshold and speculate on what would actually happen if Arsenal defender Gabriel just couldn't stop scoring own goals.

The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a review of the World Cup draw ceremony, forecasting the nation's TV viewing habits next summer, why Mohamed Salah chose the wrong time and place for his seismic outburst, a dubious recipent of the "bagsman" honour and Dion Dublin invents a new variation on the proverbial goalscoring diet.

The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Download SAILY in your app store and use code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase! For more info, visit https://saily.com/cliches

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Richarlison’s claims to a niche world record, whether you can "grind out" a 5-4 win, the most "X years of age" age, the latest elite-level mannerism to trickle down to the grassroots, some 24-carat Andy Gray co-commentary gold and much more.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder the likeliest circumstances in which Erling Haaland would ever find himself playing in League One.

The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: A commentator’s curse turns into a mini-saga with no winners, League Two stadium names in viral, overpriced New York delis, Saudi Pro league expert Lee Hendrie invents a new word, the best opposition for Mexico in the opening game at the World Cup, Ben Chilwell on 19th-century Alsatian architecture, some very funny content about Ipswich stewards, and Richard Keys casually slandering the 2019 PFA Player of the Year.

Meanwhile, the panel pick apart some tactically implausible fake football commentary in the background on EastEnders.

The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

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It’s the second test for the Cricket Cliches crew featuring our first change as cricket writer Charlie Reynolds steps in for Nick Miller.

On the agenda today; Ashes misery, who deserves more sympathy? Holiday-makers Down Under forced to endure the vineyards of Western Australia, or those of us stuck at home with TNT Sports?

England’s batters got plenty of stick for trying to drive “on the up”. What exactly does that mean and why is it so dangerous? Plus, cricket commentary’s top 3 absolutists and the horror that is expected leaves.

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The 22nd edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Dave take on Bobby, Joe and Eamo from three-time quiz visitors the Career We Go podcast.

The questions include: Anguillan internationals, chronological conundrums, football men dubbed into foreign languages, the muddled club career of Craig Bellamy, Southampton players that never were, Name The New Signing By Their Unveiling Interview and, of course, Happy Hunting Grounds.

Meanwhile, the pod announces the Football Cliches Christmas Quiz, streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part. All money raised will go to Shelter.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Charlie's Sunday Supplement debut, the soundtrack of a comeback from 2-0 down away from home, the definitive classification of Arsenal’s title chances, the unexpected verb of "goaled", Daniel Farke and the most boring inevitable sacking of all time, and Idris Elba's football knowledge is brutally exposed by a prefix.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder the soccer equivalent of some very specific NFL terminology.

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Visit MedExpress.co.uk to check your eligibility and get 30% off with code CLICHES

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This, is Cricket Cliches, the all-new, slightly strange cousin of your favourite football podcast hosted by commentator Daniel Norcross with cricket journalists Dan Gallan and Dave Tickner, and the soothingly familiar presence of FC regular Nick Miller.

In our very first episode, on the eve of The Ashes, we dive headlong into the Bazball debate… why does it wind Australians up so much? And while we’re at it, just call the ball a ball.

We try to escape the “moral victory” maze and there’s a look back at the article which inspired the show, Dan G’s dictionary of batting vernacular.

And we spend too much time trying to come up with names for a cricketing equivalent of Mesut/Haaland/Dicks before answering our first listener question: what exactly is a ‘heavy ball’?

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