Have you ever replayed a conversation over and over in your head, convinced someone was criticising you? Or spiralled after your boss said, "Can we have a chat?" only to discover it was nothing at all?

The truth is, our brains are wired to take things personally. But that doesn't mean every awkward interaction, delayed reply or offhand comment is actually about you.

In this episode of But Are You Happy?, host Ashani Dante is joined by clinical psychologist Anita Shimmins to unpack why we take things so personally, where those reactions come from, and how we can stop letting them control our relationships and self-worth. Together, they explore why our brains interpret social rejection as a threat to our survival, how childhood experiences, attachment styles and past trauma shape the stories we tell ourselves, and why social media makes it even harder to separate fact from fiction.

The conversation also explores why criticism hurts so much, how to tell the difference between what actually happened and the meaning you've attached to it, and why taking something personally isn't always a bad thing. Anita shares a simple four-step exercise to help you challenge your assumptions in the moment, along with practical strategies for having difficult conversations, setting healthy boundaries and communicating your needs with confidence. Because sometimes the most important shift isn't changing what other people say—it's changing the story your brain tells you about it.

Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.

Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here. 

Feedback: [email protected]

Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.

CREDITS:

Guest: Anita Shimmins

Host: Ashani Dante

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti

Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever wondered why modern life can leave us feeling so disconnected, even when we're doing everything we're told should make us feel well?

This NAIDOC Week, But Are You Happy? explores a different way of understanding mental health — one grounded in connection, community and relationships rather than simply treating illness.

In this episode, host Ashani Dante is joined by proud Gamilaraay man, psychologist and Director of First Nations Strategy at the Black Dog Institute, Dr Clinton Schultz. Together, they unpack what First Nations perspectives on social and emotional wellbeing can teach all of us about living healthier, more connected lives.

Clinton shares his own extraordinary journey from childhood trauma and addiction to becoming one of Australia's leading voices on First Nations mental health. He explains why Aboriginal concepts of wellbeing begin with relationships — to ourselves, to each other, to Country and to community — and why those connections have been central to keeping First Nations peoples strong for tens of thousands of years.

The conversation also explores the often unseen impact of racism on mental health, why repeated experiences of discrimination don't leave people enough time to heal, the unique challenges facing young First Nations people today, and what it truly means to be an ally. Finally, Clinton shares why connection to Country remains one of the strongest protective factors for wellbeing, and the lessons all Australians can take from First Nations ways of healing, belonging and caring for one another.

Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.

Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here. 

Feedback: [email protected]

Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.

Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.

CREDITS:

Guest: Dr Clinton Schultz

Host: Ashani Dante

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti

Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You’ve probably heard the advice to "trust your gut." But what happens when your gut missed something that broke your heart?

Whether you've been cheated on, lied to, blindsided by someone you loved, or simply had your trust shaken, rebuilding it can feel impossible. Not just trust in other people, but trust in yourself.

In this episode of But Are You Happy?, host Ashani Dante is joined once again by clinical psychotherapist Sarah Bays to unpack what trust actually is, why betrayal can completely dismantle our sense of safety, and how we begin putting ourselves back together afterwards.

Together, they explore why rebuilding trust isn't about pretending you'll never get hurt again, but learning to believe you'll survive if you do. Sarah explains the difference between trusting others and trusting yourself, why rushing to forgive can sometimes delay healing, and how to tell the difference between genuine remorse and empty apologies. They also unpack the role our childhood plays in shaping how we trust, the hidden ways past pain sabotages new relationships, and why overprotecting yourself can end up costing you the connection you're searching for.

The conversation also explores why your nervous system often knows more than your conscious mind, how curiosity is more powerful than self-blame after betrayal, and the importance of accepting uncertainty rather than trying to eliminate it. Finally, Sarah shares practical strategies for rebuilding confidence in your instincts, navigating forgiveness without abandoning your boundaries, and learning to stay open to love without losing yourself.

Support independent women’s media and get our biggest offer of the year. Subscribe here for 30% off your annual Mamamia subscription. Code applied at the checkout. Offer ends June 30.

Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.

Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here. 

Feedback: [email protected]

Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.

Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.

CREDITS:

Guest: Sarah Bays

Host: Ashani Dante

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti

Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You’ll want to send this episode to your friends who are perpetually exhausted, overcommitted, or anyone whose version of "rest" is actually just deep scrolling on the couch while their mind continues to run at 100 miles an hour.

Did you know that sleep doesn't automatically equal recovery? Or have you noticed that after a supposedly lazy weekend, you sometimes wake up on Monday morning feeling more depleted than you did on Friday night?

In this episode of But Are You Happy?, host Ashani Dante sits down with clinical psychologist, speaker, and mental health consultant Shuktika Bose to explore why modern rest no longer feels restorative. We go beyond the superficial self-care trends to uncover the psychological gap between simply stopping your body and actually switching off your brain.

Together, they discuss why your nervous system keeps draining your battery like 40 background apps running on a phone, even when you are physically lying still. They break down the seven distinct types of rest, revealing why sleeping won't fix your exhaustion if you're actually lacking sensory, mental, or emotional downtime. Shuktika exposes the "earned rest" trap, examining how our culture has conditioned us to view a break as a reward for good behavior rather than a basic biological requirement. Finally, they confront the uncomfortable nature of stillness itself, and why stopping our frantic schedules can feel deeply threatening by forcing us to face the messy emotions we've been running from.

The conversation also explores the heavy mental load carried by women juggling unpaid labor, challenging the toxic assumptions of hustle culture and offering small, realistic micro-habits—like the 90-second transition ritual—to help your body safely complete the stress cycle and find genuine peace.

Support independent women’s media and get our biggest offer of the year. Subscribe here for 30% off your annual Mamamia subscription. Code applied at the checkout. Offer ends June 30.

Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.

Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here. 

Feedback: [email protected]

Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.

Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.

CREDITS:

Guest: Shuktika Bose

Host: Ashani Dante

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti

Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You’ll want to send this episode to every friend who casually drops the phrase "I'm so depressed" when they're just having a bad day, or anyone trying to figure out where normal sadness ends and something much heavier begins.

Have you noticed how casually we throw around major mental health terms over coffee, accidentally minimizing a condition that deeply impacts both the brain and the body?

In this episode of But Are You Happy?, host Ashani Dante sits down with clinical psychologist Julie Chapman to explore the complex reality of depression. We go beyond the casual slang to uncover what it truly means.

Together, they discuss the danger of casual language and why confusing ordinary sadness with a clinical episode does a disservice to both. Julie breaks down why depression looks completely different from the outside depending on who is experiencing it, meaning those closest to you might only ever see the tiniest cracks. They look at how a major life shift, like a relationship breakdown or having children, can shatter the protective people-pleasing structures keeping our underlying pain at bay, while confronting the physical reality of mental illness to dismantle the myth that we are just heads on sticks.

The conversation also explores the relationship between our minds and bodies, challenging common assumptions about what a depressive episode looks like and offering practical insights into recognising a system failure before the spiral takes over.

Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.

Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here. 

Feedback: [email protected]

Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.

Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.

CREDITS:

Guest: Julie Chapman

Host: Ashani Dante

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti

Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are you being "breadcrumbed" (do you even know what 'breadcrumbing" is?). Are you trapped in a loop of romantic ambiguity, where you're getting just enough intimacy to stay hooked, but left staring at your phone wondering if you're even allowed to call them when you're having a bad day?

In this episode of But Are You Happy, host Ashani Dante talks with clinical psychotherapist Sarah Bays to pull back the curtain on the confusing world of situationships. We’re moving beyond the surface level to explore the psychological tightrope of living in relational limbo, unpacking why we consistently compromise our own needs just to avoid the terrifying discomfort of real vulnerability.

Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.

Watch But Are You Happy on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here. 

Feedback: [email protected]

Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.

Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

CREDITS:

Host: Ashani Dante

Guest: Sarah Bays 

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti

Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You will want to send this episode to your husband, brother, boyfriend, son and all the men in your life. 

Did you know that some online influencers use a rented facade of Lamborghinis and mansions just to trap young men into harmful algorithmic loops? Or have you noticed the boys in your life changing how they act the second they are in a group?

In this episode of But Are You Happy, host Ashani Dante sits down with guest Ben Vasilou, CEO of The Man Cave, to pull back the curtain on the rise of the manosphere and modern masculinity. We’re moving beyond the surface level to explore the real-world harm this toxic content has on young people and our personal relationships.

Together, they dive into how the manosphere operates as a lucrative business model targeting the isolation of young men, while sharing practical ways guys can find the courage to call out their mates' bad behaviour in everyday moments. The episode also addresses the heavy emotional burden of shame and fear that well-intentioned men carry, busting the myth of hyper-masculinity - proving these rigid stereotypes are just environmental conditioning, and that true masculinity is simply learning to be a good human being.

Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.

Watch But Are You Happy? on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here. 

Feedback: [email protected]

Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.

Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

CREDITS:

Host: Ashani Dante

Guest: Ben Vasilou

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti

Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ever feel like staying up for hours perfecting a single email, or completely paralyzed by the fear of failing at a new project?

In this episode of But Are You Happy, host Ashani Dante pulls back the curtain on the sneaky reality of chronic perfectionism. We’re moving beyond the surface level to explore the inner turmoil and emotional load that comes with tying your entire self-worth to your performance. Joining the conversation is clinical psychologist Anita Shimmins from Inlight Psychology to unpack why we carry this deep underlying fear of failure and how it subtly infiltrates our work, our parenting, and our relationships.

Together, Ashani and Anita explore why perfectionism is actually a protective coping strategy built to shield us from shame. You will learn the distinct psychological archetypes of perfectionism, how chronic pressure can show up physically in the body, and why hitting a major life goal often brings a temporary wave of relief rather than true joy. More importantly, this episode breaks down actionable, evidence-based strategies from schema and exposure therapy, sharing how to actively test your fears by making small mistakes on purpose and how to start replacing unrelenting standards with a realistic, self-compassionate lens.

Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here.

Watch But Are You Happy? on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram here. 

Feedback: [email protected]

Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP.

Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review.

If you want to support independent women's media, become a Mamamia subscriber. Get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts, articles, videos and our exercise app, MOVE.

CREDITS:

Host: Ashani Dante

Guest: Anita Shimmins

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio and Video Producer: Marlena Cacciotti

Social Media Producer: Olivia Colman

Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A new season of But Are You Happy? Is coming your way. You told us you wanted deep-dive, informative conversations with leading experts about all the things impacting your self-development and mental health. We got you. You’ll be hearing from experts such as Sarah Bays, Millie Rose Bannister and Ben Vasilou, on topics ranging from situationships, navigating tricky group chats, and pushing back against perfectionism. 

Same great show, new conversations. 

Don’t forget to click “follow” [+] on your podcast app so you don’t miss a thing.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Struggling to say no... to anyone?

In this bonus episode, Ashani delivers the pep talk you need to start advocating for yourself and setting healthier boundaries, whether it’s at work, with friends, or with the people asking a little too much of you right now.

Watch the podcast on YouTube here.

If you or someone you know needs support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. Both services are available 24/7 for free, confidential mental health support. 

GET IN TOUCH

Want to get in touch with us? DM @butareyouhappypod on Instagram or send us a voice memo. Our hosts are ready to hear your dilemmas—think of it as free therapy!

Listen to more Mamamia podcasts here.

Did you know some of our shows are now in video on the Apple Podcast app? Make sure your phone is up to date and check it out here!

Win a $2,000 Bed Threads voucher. Subscribe to Mamamia here before April 30 to be automatically entered. Current subscriber? You're already in the draw. T&Cs apply.

CREDITS:

Host: Ashani Dante

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio Producer: Scott Stronach

Mamamia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this bonus episode, Ashani gives you a reassuring pep talk for when you're feeling anxious before a presentation, event, or any situation that feels overwhelming, and the self-talk shifts that can help you calm your nerves and show up anyway.

Watch the podcast on YouTube here.

If you or someone you know needs support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. Both services are available 24/7 for free, confidential mental health support. 

GET IN TOUCH

Want to get in touch with us? DM @butareyouhappypod on Instagram or send us a voice memo. Our hosts are ready to hear your dilemmas—think of it as free therapy!

Listen to more Mamamia podcasts here.

Did you know some of our shows are now in video on the Apple Podcast app? Make sure your phone is up to date and check it out here!

Win a $2,000 Bed Threads voucher. Subscribe to Mamamia here before April 30 to be automatically entered. Current subscriber? You're already in the draw. T&Cs apply.

CREDITS:

Host: Ashani Dante

Senior Producer: Tahli Blackman

Group Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Audio Producer: Scott Stronach

Mamamia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which we have recorded this podcast.

Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.