Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott tackle a listener question: how do you tell your spouse what you need when it might feel selfish, even though it's genuine? They dig into the difference between needs and wants, why timing and tone matter as much as the ask itself, and how humility on both sides changes the whole conversation.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

- The episode draws a line between a "need" and a "want", with a maybe a third category of "desire" in between. Where do you two tend to disagree on that line? Can you each name one current desire that you haven't clearly voiced yet?

- Gabrielle shared that when Cooper expressed a need, her first instinct was to interpret it as "I'm failing him." Do you ever hear a request from your spouse and translate it into criticism? What would it look like to take the request at face value instead?

- Philippians 2:3-4 was used to reframe the question from "how do I get my needs met" to "how do I meet my spouse's needs first." Practically, what's one need of your spouse's you could intentionally meet this week without being asked?

- Where do you expect your spouse to just "know" something instead of communicating it directly?

Warning, these takes are for fun and intentionally provocative! Listen and debate with us as Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott debate some controversial marriage hot takes, from separate beds and changing your last name to birthdays, sexual intimacy, date nights, prayer before marriage, and whether a healthy marriage is really 50/50.

Discussion Questions

- Which of the hot takes from this episode did you agree or disagree with most and why?

- Do you have any hot takes?

- Do you ever find yourself keeping score in marriage? Where?

- How comfortable are we talking openly about sex and sexual intimacy? Why or why not?

- What helps each of us feel more emotionally and physically connected before intimacy?

- How important are birthdays and anniversaries to each of us? Do we communicate those expectations?

The newborn season can make marriage feel more like a business partnership than a relationship, with endless tasks, exhaustion, and competing expectations creating resentment between husband and wife. In this episode, we talk about sharing responsibilities, carrying the mental load, extending grace, serving one another, and remembering that your spouse isn't the enemy and you’re on the same team!

Discussion Questions for Husband & Wife

- Are there any household responsibilities where resentment is starting to build?

- Do we have a clear understanding of who owns which responsibilities, or are we expecting each other to read our minds?

- What is one thing I could take off your plate this week?

- What part of the mental load do you feel like I don't fully see or understand?

- When we disagree about responsibilities, do we tend to assume the best about each other or assume selfish motives?

- What is one thing we could do this week just for fun—not because it needs to get done?

The newborn season can leave couples exhausted, overwhelmed, and struggling to find the time or energy for intimacy, but it doesn't have to mean losing connection with one another. In this episode, we talk about spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy and how husbands and wives can pursue one another, give grace, and stay connected while navigating the chaos of a new baby.

Discussion Questions:

1. Which type of intimacy (spiritual, emotional, or physical) has been hardest for us to maintain in this season? Why?

2. What is one thing I could do that would help you feel more seen, known, and cared for right now?

3. What rhythms or “little rituals” could we create to protect our emotional connection, even when we don't have much time?

4. How has our relationship with God changed since entering the newborn season? Where do we need to pursue Him together more intentionally?

5. Are there ways either of us has been viewing intimacy primarily through the lens of our own needs? What would it look like to “outdo one another in showing honor”?

6. How can we communicate honestly about physical intimacy without either spouse feeling pressured, rejected, or ashamed?

7. What is one thing about our marriage in this season that we can choose to be grateful for?

8. Instead of trying to get back to the way our marriage was before kids, what might God be inviting us to build in this new season?

Parenthood was never meant to be happen in isolation. But, what do you do when "help" isn't helpful? And how do you know if it's them or you? In the 3rd episode of the "marriage in the newborn season" series, we discuss how to invite community into your marriage, establish healthy boundaries with family, ask for help without shame, and raise your children alongside others.

Discussion Questions

- Why is it difficult to ask for help?

- What practical help would bless us most during this season?

- What boundaries do we want to establish with parents, in-laws, and visitors? Is there anything unfair in our boundaries?

- How can we stay connected to our church and life group instead of isolating ourselves?

- Who are the trusted people we want speaking into our marriage and parenting?

- Are we receiving help with humility—or expecting it with entitlement? How can we practice gratitude?

Pregnancy and the first three months after bringing home a baby can be some of the sweetest and hardest days of your marriage. In this second episode of our "marriage in the newborn season" series, we talk honestly about pregnancy, postpartum recovery, sleep deprivation, serving one another, and how husbands and wives can protect their marriage while navigating the and "fourth trimester."

Discussion Questions for Couples

- What fears or anxieties do we each have about pregnancy or the postpartum season?

- How can we better communicate our needs instead of expecting each other to read our minds?

- What are practical ways we can serve one another during the first 90 days?

- What rhythms (prayer, check-ins, date nights, etc.) do we want to protect after baby arrives?

- How can we intentionally guard against resentment and entitlement?

- What words of encouragement do we each need to hear more often in this season?

Having a baby changes everything, especially your marriage. In this first episode of our "marriage in the newborn season" series, we talk about the mindset, expectations, and biblical foundation couples need before entering the newborn season so they can thrive as teammates instead of simply surviving.

Discussion Questions

- What expectations do each of us have about how becoming parents will change our marriage?

- What are we most excited about, and most nervous about, as we prepare for parenthood?

- How can we intentionally prioritize our marriage after the baby arrives?

- What conversations do we still need to have about finances, work, sleep, family, or expectations?

Your phone can be an incredible tool, but it can also quietly become one of the biggest distractions in your marriage. In this episode, Derek, Andrew, and Gabrielle talk honestly about screen time, social media, work boundaries, pornography, and practical ways to make your spouse more important than your screen.

RESOURCES

Harris Creek Sermon Series “Removed”

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1- When do our phones distract us the most from one another?

2- Have you ever felt less important than my phone?

3- What boundaries around technology would help us connect more?

4- What would one phone-free hour every evening look like?

5- Is there any app that has more influence over me than it should?

6- How can we help each other without becoming controlling?

Most couples think about selfishness as an individual problem, but what if a marriage itself can become inward-focused? In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss what it means to steward your marriage for God's glory, leverage your resources for the Kingdom, and move from keeping score to living on mission together.

Discussion Questions

1- When we honestly evaluate our marriage, are we more inward-focused or Kingdom-focused? If someone observed our marriage for a month, would they conclude we're living on mission?

Where do we tend to keep score against each other?

2- Which area are we stewarding well? Not well? Time, Money, Resources, Health, Gifts

3- Who outside our family is being impacted by our marriage?

4- What is one practical step we could take this month to better leverage our marriage for God's Kingdom?

Conflict is inevitable in marriage, but it doesn't have to be destructive. In this episode, Derek, Andrew, and Gabrielle discuss how to move from unhealthy patterns of defensiveness and scorekeeping toward biblical reconciliation, healthy communication, and deeper intimacy.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

- When conflict arises, do you naturally move toward fight, flight, or freeze?

- Which unhealthy conflict pattern shows up most often in your marriage?

- What family-of-origin experiences influence the way you handle disagreement?

- How would your conflicts change if your mindset became "How do we win?" instead of "How do I win?"

- Do you have trusted people in your life who can help mediate conflict when needed?

- Is there an unresolved conflict that needs a conversation this week?

RESOURCES:

The Thing Beneath the Thing by Steve Carter

Harris Creek sermon series: "Conflicted" 

Sex is one of the most talked-about topics in culture, but can be one of the least understood topics in the church.

This week, Derek and Gabrielle sit down with pastor and author Mick Murray to discuss God's beautiful vision for sexuality, how sin distorts intimacy, why marriage doesn't automatically heal sexual brokenness, and how couples can pursue greater intimacy, healing, and freedom together.

RESOURCES

Books

- A Beautiful Vision by Mick Murray

Podcasts

- Meditations (Mick Murray)

- Ideology (Mick Murray)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

- What messages about sex did you learn growing up?

- Have we ever treated sex primarily as self-serving rather than self-giving?

- Are there unspoken expectations about intimacy that we need to discuss?

- What barriers currently keep us from greater emotional intimacy?

- How can we invite God more intentionally into this area of our marriage?