How does childhood trauma fuel adult addiction?

Broadcaster, actor and former Strictly Come Dancing champion Ore Oduba joins psychotherapist Julia Samuel to discuss his 30-year struggle with pornography addiction, childhood trauma, shame and the journey towards mental health recovery.

Growing up in a strict Nigerian household, Ore learnt that achievement and obedience were closely tied to acceptance. After being exposed to pornography at just nine years old, he developed a dependency that followed him into adulthood. What began as a secret source of comfort became a cycle of addiction, shame and self-loathing that affected his mental health, relationships and sense of identity.

Ore opens up about the breakdown of relationships, reaching a point where he questioned whether he wanted to carry on living, and how therapy helped him understand the connection between childhood experiences and addictive behaviour. He also reflects on his complicated relationship with his father, whose death in 2023 brought an unexpected sense of relief, and the realisation that so many of his decisions had been driven by fear.

In a deeply moving part of the conversation, Ore discusses losing his younger sister to suicide in 2025, the grief he continues to carry and how her death gave him the courage to speak publicly about his addiction.

Together, Ore Oduba and Julia Samuel explore the psychological roots of addiction, the lasting impact of childhood trauma, and why self-compassion is essential to breaking patterns of shame and secrecy. They also discuss the risks of childhood exposure to pornography, breaking generational cycles and what it means to rebuild a life on your own terms.

Warning: this conversation contains some discussion of suicide and suicidal thoughts.

Support resources mentioned:

• NSPCC Helpline – Advice and support for anyone concerned about a child's safety. Call 0808 800 5000.
• NSPCC Talk PANTS – Resources to help parents talk to children about body safety and boundaries.
• Samaritans – Free emotional support, available 24 hours a day on 116 123.

Sources discussed:

Naked Truth Impact Report 2021-22

Children's Commissioner paper on pornography 2023

If you found this conversation helpful:

Listen to Julia's conversation with Charles Spencer, exploring childhood trauma, shame and the lasting impact of abuse on relationships and self-worth.

You may also enjoy Agony Aunties: Why Do I Keep Sabotaging Myself?, on how childhood experiences shape our adult behaviour, why we develop destructive coping mechanisms and the importance of self-compassion in breaking old patterns.

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional wellbeing.

Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Guest: Ore Oduba

Producer: Georgie Rutherford

Executive Producer: Emily Leahy

Video Producer: Darren Michael

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This week’s listener is heartbroken by sibling estrangement. Psychotherapist Julia Samuel and her daughters Sophie and Emily explore the pain it causes, why family conflicts can be so difficult to repair and the challenges of parenting adult children when you can no longer influence their decisions.

The listener’s two adult sons, once incredibly close, have stopped speaking to each other following a family fallout. What began as unresolved tensions from their younger years escalated when their partners fell out, leaving the brothers locked in sibling estrangement for over a year. Although she still has a loving relationship with both sons, she is processing grief for the family they once were and wonders whether she should step in to help them reconcile or leave them to work things out themselves.

The Agony Aunties discuss the risks of taking sides, the necessity of creating healthy boundaries, the importance of allowing time for reconciliation, and how parents can support their children’s emotional healing without becoming caught in the middle.

They also reflect on the guilt parents can feel when their adult children fall out, why sibling estrangement doesn't always last forever and how families can hold on to hope even when reconciliation feels impossible.

Please do send in your Agony Aunties questions to: [email protected]

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

You can also watch episodes of Therapy Works on Julia’s YouTube page.

Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.

Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Hosts: Julia Samuel, Emily Samuel, Sophie Samuel

Producer: Georgie Rutherford

Executive Producer: Emily Leahy

Video Producer: Darren Michael

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To mark Baby Loss Awareness Week, author and former teacher Rosanna Brown joins Julia Samuel to share the story of her son William and her experience of termination for medical reasons (TFMR).

Rosanna was approaching 24 weeks pregnant when she and her husband learnt that William had a condition incompatible with life. She speaks candidly about the trauma of ending a much-wanted pregnancy, the medical procedure itself and the words from a midwife that helped her begin to reframe what had happened: “You didn't choose, you consented to medical advice.”

Rosanna and Julia explore the often hidden grief surrounding TFMR and baby loss, the difference between grief and trauma, and why Rosanna struggled to feel entitled to mourn her son. They also discuss how couples can grieve differently, the role talking therapy played in her recovery and how she and her husband found ways to remember William together.

Rosanna also reflects on pregnancy after loss, becoming a mother again and why another baby can bring enormous joy without replacing the child who died.

Now an advocate for greater awareness of TFMR, Rosanna shares why she wants other parents facing termination for medical reasons to feel less alone, ashamed and silenced.

Warning: This episode contains detailed discussion of termination for medical reasons (TFMR), baby loss and pregnancy loss.

If you found this conversation helpful:

Listen to Julia's conversation with Geraint John, on losing his wife, navigating grief as a family and learning to rebuild life after loss: Listen here.

You may also enjoy Agony Aunties: How Do You Handle the "Death Admin" While You're Still Grieving?, exploring the emotional and practical challenges of bereavement, and why we need to give ourselves time and support after losing someone we love: Listen here.

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.

Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Guest: Rosanna Brown

Producer: Georgie Rutherford

Executive Producer: Emily Leahy

Video Producer: Darren Michael

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s listener has recently been diagnosed with ADHD after a lifetime of struggling with strong emotions and impulsivity. While the diagnosis has brought her and her husband a huge sense of relief, understanding and emotional healing, her mother and sisters refuse to accept it, believing her successful career and relationship mean she couldn’t possibly have ADHD.

Julia, Sophie and Emily explore what happens when a new diagnosis challenges long-held family roles, why we can so quickly revert to childhood dynamics and how reparenting supports personal growth. They discuss setting boundaries when family members see things differently, learning to tolerate different versions of the same family story, navigating family expectations, and protecting your mental health when old childhood wounds are reopened.

Please do send in your Agony Aunties questions to: [email protected]

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

You can also watch episodes of Therapy Works on Julia’s YouTube page.

Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.

Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Hosts: Julia Samuel, Emily Samuel, Sophie Samuel

Producer: Georgie Rutherford

Executive Producer: Emily Leahy

Video Producer: Darren Michael

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What happens when a parent is absent from your childhood, and how does that shape the person you become?

Bestselling author Elif Shafak joins Julia Samuel to explore her relationship with her father, the loneliness she experienced growing up and how storytelling became a tool for personal growth and mental health recovery by helping her find connection and belonging. Raised largely by her grandmother and mother in Turkey, Elif grew up surrounded by strong women but with very little contact with her father. She opens up about the pain of discovering that he had been a present and loving parent to her half-brothers, the anger that followed and how those early experiences influenced her personal growth and instinct to write about people whose voices have been forgotten or silenced.

They also explore the emotional cost of Elif Shafak's prosecution in Turkey following the publication of her novel, The Bastard of Istanbul, her complicated relationship with her homeland and the sense of grief that can accompany living between cultures. Elif speaks candidly about her mental health and experiencing postnatal depression, losing her ability to write during that period and the challenges of navigating motherhood alongside her creative identity, experiences she later explored in her memoir Black Milk.

Elif Shafak reflects on the family patterns we inherit, why literature helps personal growth by helping us understand ourselves and others, and the importance of human connection in an increasingly anxious and divided world.

Elif Shafak’s new novel is In One Brief Moment All Eternity (published on 15 Oct).

If you enjoyed this conversation:

Listen to Julia’s conversation with Mary Berry, on family, grief and learning to live alongside loss: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/therapy-works/id1646616622?i=1000791219769

You may also enjoy Sathnam Sanghera on bridging conflicting cultures, exploring family, identity, heritage and the search for belonging: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/therapy-works/id1646616622?i=1000674940873

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.

Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Guest: Elif Shafak

Producer: Georgie Rutherford

Executive Producer: Emily Leahy

Video Producer: Darren Michael

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s listener is struggling with the growing responsibility of caring for her elderly father. Although increasingly frail, he refuses offers of help and becomes angry when she tries to intervene, leaving her constantly worried about the next crisis. Julia, Sophie and Emily explore how to care for an ageing parent while protecting your own wellbeing, and what happens when old parent-child dynamics continue long into adulthood.

Please do send in your Agony Aunties questions to: [email protected]

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

You can also watch episodes of Therapy Works on Julia’s YouTube page.

Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being (hyperlink 'subscribe here' with the link)

Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Hosts: Julia Samuel, Emily Samuel, Sophie Samuel

Producer: Georgie Rutherford

Video Producer: Darren Michael

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What happens when the person the world sees doesn’t quite match who you are behind closed doors? In this open conversation with five-time Olympian and former world champion swimmer Mark Foster, we explore the double life he lived for much of his extraordinary sporting career.

For 20 years, Mark was one of the fastest swimmers in the world, breaking world records and competing at five Olympic Games. But while his public identity was defined by success in the pool, privately he kept his sexuality hidden from teammates, coaches and much of the world around him. He opens up about why he felt unable to share that part of himself, and the fears that kept his public and private lives separate.

Mark Foster also shares his relentless pursuit of improvement at the highest level of sport, why even becoming the fastest swimmer in the world never felt like an endpoint, and what years of competition taught him about failure, resilience and separating what you achieve from who you are.

We talk about his childhood, his relationship with his parents and the importance of finding people who give us a sense of belonging. Mark also reflects on why he eventually decided to speak publicly about his sexuality at 47, the importance of visibility and what he discovered when he allowed himself to be more vulnerable in therapy.

From Olympic success to self-acceptance, this is a conversation about identity, happiness and what can happen when we feel able to show other people who we really are.

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.

Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Guest: Mark Foster

Producer: Georgie Rutherford

Executive Producer: Emily Leahy

Video Producer: Darren Michael

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to this special Off Air X Therapy Works crossover episode, celebrating Therapy Works joining The Times podcast family.

Julia joins Jane Garvey and Fi Glover from Off Air for a wide-ranging conversation about therapy, relationships and mental health. They discuss how to find a good therapist, whether therapy should have an end date, the value of the stiff upper lip and what to do when you find yourself overthinking at 3am. Julia also answers some of Jane and Fi’s listeners’ questions along the way.

Off Air with Jane & Fi is available wherever you get your podcasts.

If you’d like to send a question to Therapy Works, please email: [email protected]

Off Air Producer: Eve Salusbury

Therapy Works Producer: Georgie Rutherford

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After some time away from her usual routine, this week’s listener found herself questioning parts of her work and relationships, only to feel those doubts fade once normal life resumed. Julia, Sophie and Emily explore how to tell the difference between a passing feeling and something that genuinely needs our attention, why busyness can sometimes stop us noticing what we really feel, and how looking for patterns can help.

Please do send in your Agony Aunties questions to: [email protected]

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being

Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

You can also watch episodes of Therapy Works on my YouTube page.

Hosts: Julia Samuel, Emily Samuel, Sophie Samuel

Producer: Georgie Rutherford

Executive Producer: Emily Leahy

Video Producer: Darren Michael

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do you move forward after the loss of a child? In this personal conversation with cooking legend Dame Mary Berry, we explore raw grief, building resilience and the most meaningful lessons she’s learnt in 91 years of life.

Behind the warmth so many know her for in her cooking shows and books, is a life shaped by profound loss. In this conversation Dame Mary Berry opens up about the devastating death of her son William, how her family approached processing grief, and how she found the strength to keep moving forward.

She also shares the traumatic experience of surviving polio as a teenager, how she’s developed resilience and her emotional healing capacity, and the power of talking therapy during challenging times.

Dame Mary Berry also reflects on the secrets of a 60 year marriage, why kindness matters above all else, as well as the comfort of cooking and food when life feels uncertain.

From navigating grief to finding joy, this is a profound conversation about connection, care, and family.

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being

Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

You can also watch episodes of Therapy Works on my YouTube page.

Guests: Dame Mary Berry

Producer: Georgie Rutherford

Executive Producer: Emily Leahy

Video Producer: Darren Michael

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Social media has made it easier than ever to recognise ourselves in conversations about ADHD, trauma, anxiety and burnout. But what happens when every diagnosis feels familiar and you leave feeling more confused than before? This week, Julia, Emily and Sophie answer a listener's question about knowing the difference between the ordinary struggles of life and when it's time to seek help. They explore why labels can be useful but aren't always the starting point, how to notice the areas of life where you're feeling stuck, and why your own experience of distress is reason enough to ask for support. It's a compassionate conversation about self-understanding, diagnosis and learning to trust yourself before the noise around you.

Send us your Agony Aunties questions: [email protected]

Or message Julia on Instagram: @juliasamuelmbe

More from Therapy Works:

Subscribe to the Therapy Works Substack for guidance on everyday struggles and access to Julia’s monthly live webinar: ⁠⁠https://juliasamuel.substack.com/⁠⁠

Grieving someone you love? Julia's Grief Works Support Programme offers structured, expert-led help, with 94% of people reporting feeling better after using it. As a podcast listener you can get 25% off plus a 30-day money-back guarantee here - ⁠⁠www.griefworks.com/therapy⁠⁠

Follow Julia on Instagram: ⁠⁠@juliasamuelmbe⁠⁠ for tips, tools, and conversations about navigating life’s challenges.

If you enjoy this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and subscribing - it makes a big difference and helps others discover these conversations.

If you need help finding a therapist, visit: ⁠⁠The Samuel Therapy Practice⁠

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