Camp Counselors with Zachariah Porter and Jonathan Carson

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Camp Counselors with Zachariah Porter and Jonathan Carson

Zachariah Porter and Jonathan Carson

31 minutes 56 seconds

From Ice Princess to Public Enemy Number 1 - Trail Mix #117
In this mini episode, we read listener submitted stories about camper seeking advice for her mom’s new boyfriend’s gardening tool, a story about a camper who went from ice princess to public enemy number one, and a camper who’s lie at theater camp would surely get her cancelled on the internet.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
SPONSORS
➜ Go to Progressive.com to see if you could save on insurance.
Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!
Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
26 January 2026, 9:00 am
1 hour 6 minutes

166 - Becoming Gummy Nyquil Advocates
This episode is all over the place. Jonathan may have witnessed a crime (and is both willing and able to be subpoenaed), while Zachariah is convinced that his new snatched bod has put him on every kidnapper’s radar. PLUS there is a Thai fortune-teller drama unfolding (tea) and Illinois is being lame by rejected vanity license plates (booo!) There is almond milk slander, gummy vitamin love, and obvi so much more.
This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Sponsors:
➜ Skip the junk without overspending. Head over to ThriveMarket.com/camp to get 30% off your first order and a FREE $60 gift.
➜ Feel your best self, every day with IM8. Go to IM8health.com/CAMPCOUNSELORS and use code CAMPCOUNSELORS for a Free Welcome Kit, 5 free travel sachets, plus 10% off your order.
➜ Go to FactorMeals.com/camp50off and use code camp50off to get 50% off plus FREE breakfast for a year!
➜ Go to Progressive.com to see if you could save on insurance.
Sources:
➜ Sarkar, Alisha Rahaman. “Fortune-teller accused of stealing client’s phone to make ‘bad luck’ prophecy come true.” The Independent, 2 Jan. 2026.
➜ Miller, Violet. “‘IBPOOPN’ and ‘ICUP’ among 550 license plates rejected by Illinois secretary of state.” WBEZ Chicago, 22 Dec. 2025.
Camp Songs:
Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
21 January 2026, 9:30 am
35 minutes 23 seconds

Après-Ski? More Like Oops-I-Shit-Myself - Trail Mix #116
In this mini episode, we are reading listener-submitted stories about camper whose ring doorbell proved she had an alarming repeat visitor, a camper who committed a finger-lickin’ cover-up, and a story about a camper whose ski trip took a turn halfway down the mountain.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
SPONSORS
➜ Talk it out, with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/CAMP
➜ Go to Progressive.com to see if you could save on insurance.
Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!
Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
19 January 2026, 9:30 am
1 hour 2 minutes

165 - The 2nd Annual Nunu Nana Awards!
Yet another wildly unqualified gay podcast handing out awards! Welcome to The 2nd Annual Nunu Nana Awards! Today we celebrate the best of what we talked about last year and the absolute worst, with winners chosen by you, our noble campers. ALSO! We have a very special guest announcer: The Tipson Hotel's very own Carey Martin, actress Kim Rhodes! In this episode, we reveal the highhly anticipated results for 8 categories: Excellence in Disruptive Behavior, Daddy of The Year, Mother of The Year, Uncalled for Buffoonery, The Freak Behavior After Freak Behavior Lifetime Achievement Award, Excellence in Twisting The Plot, Take A Hike of The Year, and Camper Crush of the Year! Thank you for voting, and congratulations to tonight’s winners.
This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Sponsors:
➜ Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/CAMP today.
➜ Go to BollAndBranch.com/camp to get up to 25% off sitewide! Exclusions apply. See site for details.
➜ Go to Progressive.com to see if you could save on insurance.
Camp Songs:
Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
14 January 2026, 9:30 am
33 minutes 42 seconds

Finding My HOT Army Pen Pal LOVER - Trail Mix #115
In this mini episode, we are reading listener-submitted stories about camper who went searching for a hot military pen pal, but instead got a humbling reality check, a college partner project feud got so bad it ended up in the news, and a camper who turned heads all day, but not in the way she’d planned.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
SPONSORS
➜ Tear. Pour. Live more. Go to LiquidIV.com and use code CAMP at checkout to get 20% off your first order.
➜ Go to Progressive.com to see if you could save on insurance.
Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!
Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
12 January 2026, 9:30 am
1 hour 2 minutes

164 - It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like HOA Violations
In our final episode of the year we’ve got some big surprises. Counselor Zachariah finds out his mom has a secret half-brother! Speaking of brotherly love, we also get into our love for the Jonas Brothers Christmas movie, judge some truly unwell neighbor holiday decor, and make an important announcement: we’re taking a short break from the podcast, but we’ll be back in the new year. Plus, we get into a James Bond jewel thief, and Quinta Brunson’s field trip fund. Obviously we have to wrap up the year with some ranting and question why skydivers are scattering ashes… in the sky? Also what the even heck is up with the GPS screaming directions at full volume while we are posing at a public rest stop?? And of course, we end on the important stuff: ribbon candy love, baking timelapse obsession, and a couple songs to carry you into the season.
Your civic duty as campers begins now: vote in the Nunu Nana Awards at CampCounselorsPodcast.com/vote! Winners announced in the 2nd annual Nunu Nana Award Ceremony on January 14, 2026.
This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Works Cited:
➜ Corlett, Eva. “Man Charged with Theft after Allegedly Swallowing Fabergé Pendant in Jewellery Store.” The Guardian, 2 Dec. 2025.
➜ Gonzalez, Alex. “Quinta Brunson Launches ‘Field Trip Fund’ For Philadelphia Schools.” Complex, 5 Dec. 2025.
Camp Songs:
Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
17 December 2025, 9:30 am
23 minutes 33 seconds

HELP! My Son Won't Stop Having Loud Sex in My House! - Trail Mix #114
In this mini episode, we’ve got another batch of listener-submitted stories. First up, one camper needs help addressing an uncomfortable situation with her stepson's very loud very gay late night wrestling. Then we take it to Pittsburgh, where a summer school van run turns into a literal cliffhanger. And finally, we enter the realm of spiritual warfare: a teen gets dragged to a priest for an exorcism.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!
Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
15 December 2025, 9:30 am
55 minutes 53 seconds

163 - Gift Guide for the Friend Who’s Doing Too Much
This week at Camp Shady Birch, we’re unwrapping the worst part of the holidays: truly unhinged gift guides and the chaos of simply being alive in December! Counselor Zachariah kicks things off with a parking violation saga for the ages after he found a bright orange sticker slapped on his perfectly legal parked car and immediately took to the internet to publicly drag the culprit. Festive! Counselor Jonathan dives into the wild story of a magician who implanted an RFID chip in his hand for magic tricks and then forgot the password to his own hand. It's giving tech anxiety. Also, a new study about how urban raccoons are literally evolving shorter snouts and showing early signs of domestication just from living in our cities and eating our garbage. We love new housemates!! They should pay rent lol! We've got the annual curse of dry cracked knuckles, terrible holiday gift guides, undying love for gingerbread men and why they’ve finally (rightfully!!) become the face of the holiday season this year, and so much more!
This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Works Cited:
➜ Pring, Joe. “Magician ‘Forgot the Password’ to His Own Hand after Locking Himself Out of Implanted RFID Chip.” Dexerto, 22 Nov. 2025.
➜ Hill, Marta. “Urban Raccoons Are Showing Signs of Early Domestication, With Shorter Snouts Than Their Rural Cousins.” Smithsonian Magazine, 21 Nov. 2025.
Camp Songs:
Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
10 December 2025, 9:30 am
27 minutes 19 seconds

Scoot Marie Takes Cancun - Trail Mix #113
In this mini episode we are reading more listener submitted stories. First up, a Cancun wedding trip turns chaotic when a tequila-fueled vacation fling with a younger boss collides with a very sensitive stomach. Then, a quick Sonic run in a comfy romper turns into a drive-through moment so embarrassing our camper still refuses to go back. Finally, we head into the New England woods, where our camper's little brother goes from home chef to felony arson.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!
Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
8 December 2025, 9:30 am
1 hour 2 minutes

162 - OMG! Hetero Wolf in Gay Sheep's Clothing
This week on Camp Counselors, the holiday chaos begins! We kick off the episode by showing off our newly decorated studio (check it out on youtube duh!) To wet the whistle, we are talking panic attacks, gay sheep whose wool was serving lewks in the West Hollywood scene, and an Aussie band’s canceled show and massive bar tab. Naturally, this spirals into classic counselor TAKE A HIKE rants abou losers who refuse to participate in the wave at stadium games, the tragedy of losing a tube of chapstick before you finish it, why Zachariah is fully committed to becoming the godfather of a cruise ship, and so much more.
This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Works Cited:
➜ Bradfield, Jordan. Yes, There Was a Fashion Show Made From the Wool of Gay Sheep. Paper Magazine. 17 Nov. 2025.
➜ Qiu, Daisy. Gay Sheep Knitwear and a Rainbow-Wool Runway: Why “Gay Sheep” Are Fashion’s New Queer Statement. The New York Times. 11 Nov. 2025.
➜ Carter, Jeremy. Amyl and the Sniffers Shout Melbourne Live Music Venues $35K in Free Drinks After Fed Square Cancel. ABC News. 14 Nov. 2025.
Camp Songs:
Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
3 December 2025, 9:30 am
32 minutes 11 seconds

Trapped at School Overnight with No Room Service - Trail Mix #112
In this mini episode we are reading more listener submitted stories about a camper robbed of her gingerbread glory by the cookie cartel, a midweek snow storm that turned a middle school into an emergency shelter, and a dark tale about a camper interviewed by the FBI… and later visited by a ghost.
Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!
Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!
Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!
Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape
Social Media:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
1 December 2025, 9:30 am
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