Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ashleigh Butterss
In a world full of social media promoting "perfect lives", many of us are afraid to show our true authentic selves. The good, the bad and the ugly. Behind the Smile with Ash Butterss is a podcast that aims to reveal the truth that lies behind the masks we wear. As a recovering alcoholic, Ash is on a mission to remove the stigma behind addiction, mental health and trauma, by not only sharing her own story but by sharing the stories of others who have faced adversity, and now live a life of freedom in recovery.
- 1 hour 16 minutesEp 154. The Raw Reality of Recovery, Relapse and Rebuilding with Gabby Williamson (Part One)
In this two-part episode, I sit down with my close friend Gabby Williamson to lift the lid on the reality of living life in recovery. In part one of this conversation we talk about how, in her mid thirties, Gabby had everything that was supposed to add up to a good life - an impressive marketing career, a busy social calendar, and a carefully curated image. Behind the scenes, though, she was unraveling, using substances to cope with unresolved pain, mounting pressure, and a growing sense of disconnection from herself.
Gabby shares the story of what happened when her life finally collided with the truth. She talks about hitting rock bottom and entering rehab at 39, and how that experience became the doorway to resilience, gratitude, and a completely new way of living. Her journey stretches back to childhood challenges, early substance use, and the impact of boarding school on her sense of identity, tracing how those early wounds shaped the choices she made in adulthood.
Ash and Gabby explore the realities of navigating concerts, parties, and dating in recovery, and what it means to show up to those spaces without the old crutches. Gabby reflects on past relationships, the societal expectations that kept her performing a role, and the ongoing work of embracing her authentic self. She also speaks about motherhood, the weight of her decisions, and the profound growth that comes with redefining love, intimacy, and connection through a sober lens.
Episode Chapters:
00:00 Introduction and Background
02:55 Life in Recovery and Daily Routines
05:53 Navigating Social Situations in Sobriety
08:58 Experiences at Concerts and Events
11:58 Reflections on Past Relationships and Self-Perception
15:06 The Impact of Substance Abuse on Life
18:12 The Role of Gratitude in Recovery
20:51 Hiding Behind a Smile: Personal Struggles
23:48 Childhood and Early Exposure to Substance Use
37:31 Childhood Trauma and Early Coping Mechanisms
40:31 The Impact of Boarding School on Identity
46:32 Escalation of Substance Use in Adolescence
51:29 Navigating Relationships and Emotional Connections
01:00:06 Reflections on Motherhood and Personal Choices
01:06:32 Dating in Recovery and Redefining Relationships
Connect with Gabby:
IG: @bellylaughsbrutalhonesty and @gabriellesiobhan
Podcast: Belly Laughs and Brutal Honesty
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
Upcoming Workshops:
A Return To You | One Day Retreat
Sunday 22nd February, 2026
Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Support Services
If this conversation has brought anything up for you, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Support is always available. You can reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 for mental health support and guidance, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 for free counselling.
21 December 2025, 6:00 pm - 1 hour 7 minutesEp 153. How Your Energy Shapes Your Life and Protecting Your Peace, with Rod Butterss
Back by popular demand, this father daughter episode brings the conversation close to home, as Ash sits down with her dad, Rod, to explore what it truly means to grow, heal, and live with intention. Together, they reflect on how energy, consciousness, and the way we choose to see the world can shape the course of a life far more than circumstance ever could.
Together, Ash and Rod dive into the practices that have supported their own journeys, including gratitude and meditation, and how these tools have helped them navigate relationships, soften old patterns, and find a deeper sense of peace beneath ambition and material success. They speak honestly about the complexities of family dynamics, the tension between chasing more and being enough, and the ongoing work of aligning how you live with what really matters.
With the holiday season looming, their conversation turns to the emotional weight that Christmas can carry, especially for those in recovery or struggling behind the scenes. They share gentle, practical insights on protecting your energy, setting boundaries, and meeting yourself with compassion during a time that can feel anything but festive. At its heart, this episode is an invitation to slow down, look within, and choose kindness, to yourself and others, as a daily, deliberate practice.
Episode Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to the Holistic Retreat
00:45 Exploring Personal Growth and Energy
03:19 The Power of Ho'oponopono and Forgiveness
06:17 Understanding Consciousness and Energy Frequencies
08:53 Navigating Relationships and Personal Growth
11:39 The Role of Gratitude in Healing
14:29 Reflections on Materialism and Happiness
18:03 Ambition vs. Inner Peace
21:53 The Importance of Self-Awareness
24:45 Christmas and Family Dynamics
27:25 Coping with Holiday Stress and Expectations
30:03 Navigating Sober Holidays
34:06 Finding Peace in Family Gatherings
36:42 The Shift from Materialism to Experiences
39:42 The Importance of Kindness and Connection
42:28 Final Thoughts and Non-Negotiables for Happiness
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
Upcoming Workshops:
A Return To You | One Day Retreat
Sunday 22nd February, 2026
Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
14 December 2025, 6:00 pm - 1 hour 6 minutesEp 152. Surviving the Silly Season Sober (and enjoying it!) with Abby Calabrese
In the heart of New York City, Abby Calabrese was living the dream on paper but the reality was she was quietly unravelling behind the scenes. Long days, late nights, and a culture steeped in drinking turned alcohol into her go-to coping mechanism, even as the cost to her wellbeing grew harder to ignore.
In this episode, Abby shares how walking away from alcohol became the catalyst for a complete identity shift and the creation of Alcohol Free Rebellion, a movement dedicated to helping others question the role alcohol plays in their lives. Ash and Abby dive into the awkwardness of social events without a drink in hand, the emotional honesty that sobriety demands, and how choosing not to numb out can radically transform relationships and self-worth.
Abby offers practical guidance for facing triggers, especially during the holidays, while staying anchored in intention, community, and self-compassion. She speaks to the power of mindfulness in strengthening intuition and making choices that truly align with who you are. At the heart of her story are the non-negotiables she now lives by: authenticity, emotional awareness, and unwavering self-care as the foundation of a full, meaningful, alcohol-free life.
Episode Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Abby Calabrese and Her Journey
02:53 Navigating Life After Alcohol
05:45 The Challenge of Socializing Sober
08:29 Understanding Emotions and Feelings
11:34 Shifting Perspectives on Life
14:20 The Impact of Alcohol on Relationships
17:25 Hiding Behind a Smile: Abby's Photo Story
20:02 Recognizing Rock Bottoms and Justifications
22:48 The Roots of Abby's Drinking History
24:19 The Role of Alcohol in Socialization
29:29 Recognizing the Problem
32:21 The Turning Point
37:24 The Challenge of Sobriety
38:44 Shame and Stigma in Motherhood
43:59 Transforming Relationships in Sobriety
45:46 Embracing Authenticity in Relationships
47:22 Navigating Sobriety During the Holidays
49:16 Practical Tips for Alcohol-Free Celebrations
53:40 Listening to Your Intuition
56:50 Cultivating Mindfulness and Self-Awareness
01:02:36 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
Upcoming Workshops:
The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026
A Return To You | One Day Retreat
Sunday 22nd February, 2026
Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
7 December 2025, 6:00 pm - 1 hour 9 minutesEp 151. From the Streets of London to a Quiet Sober Life, with Damo H
Growing up on the streets of London, Damo H learned at an early age how to outrun pain, but it always caught up. In this candid and moving episode, Damo traces his journey through childhood trauma, the shadow of addiction, and the relentless pursuit of healing.
He recounts how alcohol first became his refuge, how physical injury and prescription medication complicated his path, and how new beginnings in Australia brought a new set of challenges. The rock bottoms came again and again, each one forcing him to confront the reality of his disease.
Through service, community, and the support of a 12-step program, Damo found answers that went deeper than sobriety. He shares how recovery reshaped his family, revived his passion for photography, and gave him a sense of purpose. With honesty and hope, Damo reveals what it means to rebuild life from the ground up, and how after years of struggle, he’s learning to embrace happiness, gratitude, and authentic connection.
Episode Chapters:
00:00 Introduction and Letting Go Ritual
00:51 Meet Damo H: A Journey Begins
02:57 Daily Life and Recovery Practices
05:59 The Role of Service in Recovery
08:47 Childhood and Family Dynamics
12:01 The First Drink: A Turning Point
14:55 Growing Up in London: The Streets and Gangs
18:11 The Impact of Alcoholism on Relationships
20:50 Moving to Australia: New Beginnings
24:09 Career and Alcoholism: A Fragile Balance
27:08 Rehab and the Road to Sobriety
30:00 Family Tragedies and Resilience
32:04 Reflections on Sobriety and Happiness
36:24 The Slippery Slope of Addiction
39:54 The Return to Alcohol
46:11 Rock Bottoms and Revelations
50:40 A New Approach to Sobriety
01:01:30 Building a New Life in Sobriety
01:07:20 Non-Negotiables for a Happy Life
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
Upcoming Workshops:
The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026
A Return To You | One Day Retreat
Sunday 22nd February, 2026
Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
30 November 2025, 6:00 pm - 52 minutes 48 secondsEp 150. The Real Reason You Don’t Feel Enough: How Facing Your Inner Critic Is the Key to Self Acceptance, with Ash Butterss
In this milestone 150th episode of Behind The Smile, Ash dives into a deeply personal conversation about healing, self perception, and the ever evolving journey of coming home to yourself. She unpacks the relationship between the inner critic, body image, and the way we move through the world, both physically and emotionally.
Through honest reflection and lived experience, Ash explores the quiet conditions we place on our own worth and the tender work of learning to accept ourselves as we are, not as we think we should be. This episode is an invitation to look beneath the surface, to recognise how far you have already come, and to remember that growth is not a finish line, it is a lifelong practice.
If you have ever battled your inner critic, questioned your worth, or felt the pull to redefine your relationship with yourself, this one will meet you right where you are.
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
Website www.ashbutterss.com
The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026
Tuesday 30th December, 2025
A Return To You | One Day Retreat
Sunday 22nd February, 2026
The Embodied Woman Retreat - Gold Coast Hinterland
May 14th - 17th, 2026 (3 nights, 4 days)
Join Ash on retreat in Bali in 2026! Rest & Renew Holistic Bali Retreat
August 17th - 21st, 2026 (4 nights, 5 days)
Click here for all the details!
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
23 November 2025, 6:00 pm - 1 hour 2 minutesEp 149. The Shame That Nearly Broke Her Became Her Purpose, with Sober Coach Shannon Leigh Mccabe
For Shannon McCabe, hitting rock bottom became the beginning of everything. Once living a life that looked “fine” on the outside yet was quietly ruled by addiction, Shannon, a sober coach and transformation mentor, opens up about the raw truth of her journey through alcohol dependency and the deep healing that followed.
In this powerful conversation, Ash and Shannon explore the emotional unraveling that precedes real change, the spiritual awakening that came through surrender, and the daily rituals that now anchor her sobriety. Shannon speaks honestly about motherhood and the challenges that come with caring for a child with special needs. The shame she battled on a daily basis through her addiction. Rediscovering self-worth, and showing how setting boundaries and embracing community became her path to peace.
This episode is a reminder that recovery isn’t about who you were, it’s about who you’re becoming.
Episode chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Shannon's Journey
02:05 A Day in the Life of a Sober Mom
04:48 The Importance of Morning Routines
06:50 Devotional Practices and Spirituality
13:46 Behind the Smile: A Photo Reflection
21:40 The Progression of Alcohol Use
31:41 Moments of Clarity and Rock Bottoms
37:43 The All-or-Nothing Mindset
44:45 Non-Negotiables for a Sober Life
53:19 Navigating Relapses and Setbacks
58:42 Living Authentically and Free
You can connect with Shannon using the links below:
Website: www.shannonleighmccabe.com
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026
Join Ash on retreat in Bali in 2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026.
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
16 November 2025, 6:00 pm - 1 hour 6 minutesEp 148. Beyond Codependency: The Truth About Self-Worth and Healing with Psychotherapist Jackson Goding
What happens when self-worth becomes the missing piece in healing? In this episode, Ash sits down with Trauma Specialist and Psychotherapist, Jackson Goding, for a raw and thought-provoking conversation about what it really takes to recover, grow, and build authentic connection.
Jackson opens up about his own journey through codependency, the reality of doing deep trauma work, and why self-worth sits at the heart of true healing. Together, they explore the often messy path of relationships, meditation, and emotional regulation, unravelling why personal growth is rarely linear and almost never easy.
This episode goes far beyond the surface of “self-care.” It’s about courage, consistency, and the daily non-negotiables that help us return to ourselves again and again. Expect honesty, humour, and plenty of takeaways to help you nurture your own sense of worth and connection.
Episode chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Jackson Goding and His Work
02:45 Living in Sydney and Future Plans
05:33 Daily Life and Mindfulness Practices
08:31 The Challenge of Powerlessness and Surrender
11:14 Meditation: The Struggle and Its Importance
14:04 Hiding Behind a Smile: Personal Struggles
17:00 Relationships as Mirrors for Personal Growth
19:40 The Complexity of Relationships and Recovery
22:21 The Journey to Becoming a Therapist
24:59 Core Beliefs and Their Impact on Identity
31:02 Navigating Shame and Self-Worth
31:46 Understanding Triggers and Responses
33:07 Effective Communication in Relationships
35:06 The Impact of Past Experiences
36:53 Identifying and Expressing Needs
39:59 The Importance of Boundaries
41:36 Self-Accountability and Inner Child Work
44:24 Defining Codependency
48:10 The Challenges of Recovery from Codependency
52:57 Staying Accountable in Relationships
56:12 Establishing Non-Negotiables for Self-Care
01:02:26 Finding Balance in Relationships
You can connect with Jackson via the below channels:
It Ends With Us Retreat: https://findreasontherapy.com.au/it-ends-with-us/
IG @findreasontherapy https://www.instagram.com/findreasontherapy/
Before you do more work: https://app.heartbeat.chat/findreason/courses/c/e7acf2c4-df05-4546-8b6c-092d8363fa2a
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026
Join Ash on retreat in Bali in 2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
9 November 2025, 6:00 pm - 54 minutes 43 secondsEp 147. Paralyzed at 21: Rhiannon Tracey on Hope and Defying the Impossible
One moment changed everything for Rhiannon Tracey, but it didn’t define her spirit. In this heartfelt conversation, the motivational speaker, TEDx presenter, and wellness advocate opens up about the accident that left her with a spinal cord injury and the extraordinary journey that followed.
Rhiannon shares how she transformed tragedy into purpose, from the early days of relearning life’s simplest tasks to founding a not-for-profit dedicated to helping others do the same. Along the way, she discovered the healing power of community, self-love, and joy in the smallest moments.
With honesty and warmth, she reflects on the boundaries she’s learned to set, the intuition she’s learned to trust, and the unconditional love of her pets that carried her through. Her story is a moving reminder that freedom doesn’t come from circumstance, it comes from choosing to live with hope, gratitude, and authenticity.
The episode highlights are:
00:00 Introduction to Resilience and Transformation
01:55 Daily Life and Joys of Rhiannon
05:11 Hiding Behind a Smile: A Photo Reflection
22:53 The Day That Changed Everything: Rhiannon's Accident
26:43 Resilience Through Adversity
29:52 Finding Hope in Trauma
37:30 The Role of Hope in Recovery
47:33 Creating a Community for Healing
50:12 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life
You can connect with Rhiannon using the links below:
Website: www.rhiannontracey.com.au
The Next Step Recovery & Wellness Centre: www.thenextstepsci.org.au
Instagram: @rhiannontraceymywheellife | @our_little_urban_homestead | @thenextstepscirecovery
Email: [email protected]
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
Join Ash on retreat in Bali in 2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026.
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
2 November 2025, 6:00 pm - 55 minutes 41 secondsEp 146. Haunted by the Badge: Jay Prothero’s Battle with PTSD and Redemption
After decades on the front line, retired police officer Jay Prothero found himself fighting a different kind of battle—the one inside his own mind. In this raw and powerful conversation, Jay opens up about the toll that years of trauma, high pressure, and suppressed emotion took on his mental health.
He shares how anxiety, depression, and PTSD slowly crept in, and how alcohol became his escape from the pain he didn’t know how to face. But Jay’s story goes far deeper than his time in uniform. It’s also about the heartbreak of watching his own child spiral into ice addiction, and the painful, messy road toward family healing.
Together, Ash and Jay unpack what it truly means to break the silence, to face yourself with honesty, and to rebuild a life grounded in authenticity, courage, and hope.
Episode chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Jay Prothero's Journey
04:14 The Power of Ice Baths and Breathwork
08:49 Hiding Behind a Smile: Jay's Struggles with Mental Health
17:35 The Impact of a Police Career on Mental Health
26:22 The Journey to Recovery: Jay's Path to Healing
35:13 Parenting Through Addiction: Jay's Experience with His Son
43:30 Living Authentically: Jay's Non-Negotiables for Happiness
You can connect with Jay through:
Instagram @freezeyourself_au @breathe_with_jay
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
Join Ash on retreat in Bali in 2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026.
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!26 October 2025, 6:00 pm - 56 minutes 13 secondsEp 145. Psychologist Dr. Julia Nicholls Opens Up About Her Personal Battle with Psychosis and Post-Natal Depression
Psychosis is one of the most misunderstood experiences in mental health, often clouded by fear, stigma, and silence. In this powerful episode, Ash sits down with clinical psychologist Dr. Julia Nicholls, who courageously shares her personal journey through postnatal depression and psychosis.
What makes Julia’s story so extraordinary is not just her vulnerability, but the fact that she’s a mental health professional who found herself on the other side of the system she once worked within. Together, Ash and Julia unpack the misconceptions surrounding psychosis, the shame that still shadows mental health struggles, and the raw reality of asking for help when you’re expected to have the answers.
Julia also opens up about the healing process of writing a memoir with her husband, revealing how storytelling and connection became powerful tools for recovery. This conversation is a reminder that even those who guide others through their darkest moments are not immune to them—and that speaking openly about our pain can be the very thing that sets us free.
Key Highlights:
The importance of taking time for self-care and rest.
Reflective practice is crucial for psychologists to maintain objectivity.
Hiding behind a smile is common among those struggling with mental health.
Early motherhood can be particularly challenging for mental health.
The inner critic can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy in new parents.
Mental health practitioners also need support and can face stigma.
Postnatal psychosis is often misunderstood and can manifest in various ways.
Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is a safe and effective treatment for severe depression.
Open communication is essential for healing in relationships affected by mental health issues.
Seeking help is vital, and there are many resources available.
Episode chapters:
[00:00] Introduction and Retreat Announcement
[03:15] Meet Dr. Julia Nicholls
[10:45] Understanding Postnatal Depression
[20:30] The Stigma of Mental Health in Professionals
[30:00] Exploring Psychosis and Misconceptions
[40:15] The Role of ECT in Recovery
[50:00] Healing and Open Communication
[60:00] Closing Thoughts and Resources
You can connect with Dr. Julia Nicholls using the links below:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julia-nicholls-105679a3
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drjulianicholls/
Website: https://drjulianicholls.com/
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
Join Ash on retreat in Bali in 2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026.
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
19 October 2025, 6:00 pm - 1 hour 5 minutesEp 144. How 14 Minutes Can Change Your Life, with Mental Health Advocate, Cooper Chapman
In this episode, Ash sits down with former pro surfer turned mental health trailblazer, Cooper Chapman, for a raw and inspiring conversation about purpose, mindset, and creating real change from the inside out.
After years chasing trophies and external success, Cooper realised the waves he truly needed to ride were the ones within. What followed was a powerful shift, one that led him to build The Good Human Factory and dedicate his life to helping others nurture their mental wellbeing.
Cooper opens up about what he’s learned along the way, from the quiet power of small daily habits to the freedom that comes when we stop seeking validation outside ourselves. He shares the story behind the 1% Good Club, a global movement encouraging people to spend just 14 minutes a day on gratitude, mindfulness, and self-reflection, because big change always starts small.
Together, Ash and Cooper explore the importance of community, balance, and practical self-care routines that actually stick. Cooper’s message is simple yet profound: mental health isn’t a destination, it’s a daily practice of showing up with compassion, curiosity, and consistency.
Key highlights include:
- Cooper's journey from pro surfer to mental health advocate.
- The importance of small, consistent actions for mental health.
- The 1% Good Club encourages daily mental health practices.
- External validation can impact mental wellbeing.
- Community support enhances accountability in mental health.
- Mindfulness and gratitude are key practices for mental health.
- Mental health is a continuous journey, not a destination.
- Finding balance in life is essential for wellbeing.
- Nature and connection to the earth are vital for mental health.
- It's okay to take a break and prioritise self-care.
Episode chapters:
00:00 Introduction to the Retreat and Guest
00:45 Cooper Chapman's Journey and Book Launch
01:54 The Impact of External Validation
06:40 Navigating Long-Distance Relationships
11:27 Finding Balance in Life and Work
13:32 Hiding Behind a Smile: Cooper's Struggles
19:32 Shifting Mindsets and Mental Health Advocacy
26:27 The Birth of the Good Human Factory
33:55 The 1% Good Club: A Community for Mental Health
38:52 Daily Practices for Mental Wellbeing
51:41 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life
You can connect with Cooper using the links below:
Instagram - @cooperchapman + @thegoodhumanfactory
Website - thegoodhumanfactory.com
1% Good Club Book - Buy Here!
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
Website www.ashbutterss.com
Join Ash on retreat in Bali in 2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026.
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
If you need support with your mental health, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14. Or if you'd prefer to text lifeline, you can reach a support team member on 0477 13 11 14.
12 October 2025, 6:00 pm - More Episodes? Get the App