From the Very First Try to Six Months In

Some women come to this decision with a clear plan. Alex came with a deadline: if I'm still single at 30, I'm doing it on my own. She hit 30. She went to Bali to celebrate. She came home and got her AMH checked.

It was on the lower end of normal. That was enough.

What followed was three years, a recruited known donor in Victoria, two early miscarriages, a laparoscopy that found stage two endometriosis she never knew she had, multiple egg retrievals across a bulk bill IVF clinic in Queensland and then their full service program, unexplained implantation failure, a double embryo transfer that finally worked, and a pregnancy spent anxious and cautiously hopeful. All while working full time in a state manager role in child protection — and parenting a 16-year-old foster daughter who has lived with her for the past three years.

Ollie was born on the 23rd of January via planned caesarean — except the plan didn't go to plan. Nineteen attempts between the cannula and the spinal tap, a previous spinal surgery that made anaesthesia almost impossible, a general anaesthetic she didn't want, and a best friend waiting outside the theatre. He was out and detached from the anaesthetic in under four minutes. He had some trouble breathing, went briefly to special care, and eventually came up to Alex's room that night.

He is now six and a half months old. He has a cow's milk protein allergy requiring prescription formula. He has been to Canberra, Bali and Darwin and is heading to Europe next month. He sleeps through the night. He gets his morning cuddle from his big sister before he's even properly awake. And Alex calls him a unicorn.

This is a two-part episode — Part 1 covers the journey to 25 weeks pregnant, Part 2 picks up from birth to now.

In this episode:

• Working in child protection and becoming respite carer to two children at 21

• Her 16-year-old foster daughter who now lives with her full-time — and the younger one who comes every fortnight

• Deciding at 30 to stop waiting — AMH results, initial fertility investigations, and the decision to try a recruited known donor first

• Finding her donor on Facebook: the legal agreement, the counselling, the interstate coordination, and why doing it properly mattered

• Getting pregnant on the first try — and an early miscarriage

• Nearly 12 months of home insemination with two early losses, a referral to an early miscarriage specialist, insulin levels treated at a lower threshold, and metformin

• Moving to a bulk bill IVF clinic in Queensland — out-of-town scans in Adelaide, flying up for retrievals and transfers, three bulk bill cycles

• Stage two endometriosis found during a laparoscopy — no symptoms, no history, discovered during an egg retrieval

• Moving to the full service program: 16 eggs, six or seven embryos, and still unexplained implantation failure

• Genetic testing the embryos — half weren't chromosomally normal, three tested normal

• A double embryo transfer (one tested, one C-grade untested) — one took. She'll never know which.

• Early pregnancy with anxiety, a suspected ectopic, a bleed at 5 weeks, a night in hospital

• A gender reveal, a boy, and a dad who is very excited about his first grandson

• Ollie arriving at 38 weeks via general anaesthetic — 14 cannula attempts, 9 spinal tap attempts, and a best friend waiting outside

• Ollie in special care, feeding journey, and the lactation consultant who gave Alex permission to formula feed

• Cow's milk protein allergy, prescription formula, and why Alex now advises every pregnant woman to bring a tin to hospital just in case

• Circadian rhythm sorted by two weeks, sleeping through the night by six weeks, napping properly from three months

• Bali at four months — what worked, what didn't, and the five-dollar porter who changed everything

• A 16-year-old who gets Ollie up every morning, takes the backseat in the car, and saves her wages to buy him presents

• Keeping one-on-one time with the older one after Ollie arrived

• Promoted during maternity leave, planning a second baby, and wondering whether Ollie the unicorn has been a false reference point for what's coming

Key Takeaways

• If you're going to use a recruited known donor, do it properly: legal agreement, counselling for both parties, STI and genetic testing — these things filter out the people who aren't doing it for the right reasons

• Unexplained implantation failure is one of the most frustrating IVF diagnoses — PGT-A testing of embryos can provide valuable information even when everything else looks normal

• A general anaesthetic can delay milk supply and impact oxytocin — knowing this beforehand changes how you approach the early feeding days

• Bring a tin of formula to hospital regardless of your feeding intentions — having it there removes one decision from a very full first night

• Formula feeding is not failure — a rested, mentally well mum is the best thing for your baby

• Circadian rhythm can be established very early with intentional day/night light exposure

• A foster child can be an extraordinary addition to a newborn's life at the right age — the 16-year-old / newborn dynamic Alex describes is genuinely beautiful

• You can foster and have a biological baby — the foster care agency had no issue with Alex's plan

• Recruited known donor to IVF is a natural escalation — try what's available to you first, and escalate when you need to

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

TTC or pregnant and looking for your village?

The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.

Four and a Half Years Later — Alisha's Update

A note: this episode mentions the loss of Alisha's son Jeremy, who was stillborn 12 years ago today. She shares it with gratitude and without distress — but as always on this podcast, take care of yourself first.

When I recorded my first ever episode of No Need for Prince Charming, Lexi was almost two. She is now six and a half. A lot has changed.

I've been meaning to do this update for a while, and today felt like the right day — because it's the 12th anniversary of losing my son Jeremy, and I'm launching something I've been building towards for a very long time. More on that below.

But first, let me catch you up.

In early 2022, I was working full time in corporate loyalty, Lexi was in full-time daycare, Melbourne was still in lockdown, and I was running the podcast from stolen hours after she went to bed. I knew something was brewing — I just didn't know yet what it was going to be.

What followed was four and a half years I would not trade for anything. Quitting a job I loved that had become somewhere I hated. Nearly four years sober. An ADHD diagnosis that explained a lot. Writing My Perfect Family. Building courses. Three Bali trips. A book club. A Facebook group that's now 3,500 members. The Bump Membership, which is still the thing I'm most proud of. Speaking at the Sydney Opera House. Sitting on the ART review committee. A second podcast. And learning, in a book club of all places, that one of my friends used the same donor as me — and that Lexi has a little sister.

Today, on Jeremy's anniversary, I'm launching the SMS Membership. It's for established solo mums by choice — women who have their child, who are in the thick of it, who want more than a Facebook group can offer. A real community. Real faces. Monthly expert sessions on things we actually need to talk about — mortgages, perimenopause, body safety, employment rights, identity after motherhood. Plus fortnightly Zoom connection calls, state-based groups for real-life playdates, and specialist chats for neurosparkly mums, double donor families, mums without their own mum, and more.

I also want to say this: I wasn't 100% sure when I did this. I wasn't even 50% sure. But I didn't want to look back and regret not trying. And it worked on the second round of IVF, and Alexandra is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am so, so glad.

If you're on the fence — listen to this episode. And then take the next step.

In this episode:

• Going back to work in 2022 — full-time corporate, lockdowns, my mum in hospital the week I returned, survival mode

• Starting the podcast and feeling something brewing underneath all of it

• Writing My Perfect Family and why I wanted to normalise the language of donor conception for other families' children, not just ours

• Fiji with Rhiannon — and realising I almost certainly have ADHD

• A bullying boss, a toxic work environment, and the day I resigned with my bonus and Lexi in tow

• Solo Mum Society was born, and so was the realisation that books don't pay your mortgage

• Going sober almost four years ago — and why having Lexi finally gave me a reason big enough to make it stick

• The ADHD diagnosis and medication in 2024 — and how running your own business with ADHD without corporate deadlines is a very specific kind of chaos

• The first Bali trip: 24 women, total strangers, everything in common

• The Facebook group growing to 3,500 members — and why I started it when the existing group didn't match the energy of the solo mums I knew

• The Considering, Expecting and Preparing courses — why I made them, what they cover, and what it feels like to watch nervous women become excited ones

• The Disney cruise — Cinderella holding our daughters' hands, and every dream I had coming true

• The book club conversation that revealed Lexi's donor-conceived sibling — before the baby was even born

• Lexi starting school: Father's Day, a classmate who said she was lying about not having a dad, family week, and navigating all of it with teachers who read My Perfect Family

• Both Alisha and Lexi being neurosparkly — what that means for their household, and how awareness changes everything

• The third Bali trip — all-inclusive, strangers becoming people you'd think had been friends for a decade

• Speaking at the Sydney Opera House about sperm (as you do)

• The ART review committee — being a voice for solo mums at a national level

• Motherhood Unmasked and Unfiltered — the second podcast with Rhiannon

• Jeremy's anniversary — 12 years today, and why she sees his passing as a gift that gave her Lexi and everything that followed

• The SMS Membership — what it is, what's in it, and why it's launching today

• Dating? Still no. Genuinely no. And why that's the first time in her life she hasn't felt like she needed someone

• Lexi at six and a half — kind, empathetic, fun, neurosparkly, and the only thing Alisha ever really wanted

Key Takeaways

• The podcast is a time capsule — if you're considering sharing your story, please do it. Not just for the community, but for your child to hear one day

• Solo mums by choice are not a monologue — no two stories are alike; the only thing in common is choosing to have a child without a partner

• The hardest part of this whole journey is still making the decision in the first place

• If the workplace isn't aligned with who you've become as a mum, it's not a failure to leave — it's clarity

• Being diagnosed with ADHD in your 40s doesn't break anything — it explains a lot and makes you kinder on yourself

• Sobriety is possible when the reason is finally big enough — and it changes more than you expect

• Donor-conceived siblings may already be in your life — join the registers, join the groups, do the things

• "They need a father figure" — no. They need good men in their life. There are many ways to find that

• You don't have to be 100% certain to take the first step. You just have to be certain enough that you'd regret not trying

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

The SMS Membership is live — and this is what I've been building towards.

For established solo mums by choice. A real community, expert sessions on the things we actually need, fortnightly Zoom connection calls, state-based groups, specialist chats, and partner offers. Find out more here.

She never gave up!

Some journeys are long. Kate's is one of the longest we've shared on this podcast — and one of the most quietly remarkable.

Kate came to solo motherhood later than she planned, and for reasons that had nothing to do with not wanting a child. For much of her 30s she was managing Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, a chronic pain condition so severe she was on strong medication whose effects on a foetus were not yet known. She finished three masters degrees, achieved a third-degree black belt in karate, and built a career — all while navigating a condition she would not wish on anyone.

By her late 30s, the pain was behind her. The medication was gone. And the relationship she'd thought might lead somewhere hadn't. So she made the decision that had always been there, waiting.

What followed was three rounds of IUI, a move from Melbourne to Tasmania, a job change, eight or more IVF cycles across two clinics, multiple egg retrievals, a chemical pregnancy, and a miscarriage. Years of driving to Hobart and turning back halfway because the embryo hadn't developed. Years of two-week waits that ended badly. Years of holding it all quietly — telling almost no one — because that is how Kate processes things, and because she has Asperger's, and because the fear of what people think runs deep when you've spent your whole life reading the room slightly differently to everyone else.

And then in December, a natural FET. Timed around Christmas. A feeling on the way home that she hadn't had before — this one has stuck.

She was right. Amelia is 22 months old, about to turn two. She lives with Kate and Kate's parents in northern Tasmania, is looked after full time by her grandparents while Kate works, hates being swaddled, kicks her blankets off, loves doctors' waiting rooms, and is going to Japan in a couple of months.

Kate wouldn't swap a single thing.

In this episode:

• Three masters degrees, a third-degree black belt, and a decade managing Complex Regional Pain Syndrome — and how that shaped Kate's decision-making

• Being on the autism spectrum (Asperger's): how it affected relationships, the decision to pursue solo motherhood, and the parenting experience that followed

• Deciding to go straight to IUI rather than freeze eggs — and learning the hard way that the IUI donor pool in Victoria was extremely limited

• Three rounds of IUI: a chemical pregnancy in quarantine, a negative, and a third failure before moving to IVF

• Transferring to the Tasmanian clinic — a smaller, more personal experience, and a specialist who never stopped looking for solutions

• Eight or more IVF cycles across multiple years — multiple egg retrievals, fresh and frozen transfers, the physical and emotional toll, and driving halfway to Hobart only to be called back because the embryo hadn't developed

• The pre-Medicare-change reality for solo mums: needing to fail IUI multiple times before qualifying for IVF rebates

• A miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy before the natural FET that finally worked

• Keeping almost everything secret — and what happened when she finally told people

• A pregnancy she couldn't enjoy, spent waiting for something to go wrong

• Amelia arriving a day early in a Tasmanian storm — and spending the first week in hospital with no power at home

• Coming home to mum and a two-year-old who refused to be swaddled

• Going back to work at four and a half months — a nine-day fortnight, four days from home

• Her parents as full-time carers: what it's given Amelia, what it's given them

• What she'd do differently — and what she'd tell anyone on the spectrum who's been waiting for the right time

Key Takeaways

• A health condition is not a reason to stop — it may be a reason to plan more carefully, get better advice earlier, and advocate for yourself at every step

• Being on the spectrum doesn't mean you can't read your child — you will find your own way of knowing, and it will be enough

• The fear of what other people will think is almost always bigger than the reality — Kate told far fewer people than she needed to and everyone she told was supportive

• The pre-2023 Medicare rules forced solo mums through unnecessary rounds of IUI before qualifying for IVF — if you're starting now, you don't have to do that

• Telling your employer, when you can trust them, makes the practical logistics of fertility treatment enormously more manageable

• Going back to work is not abandonment — for some brains, it's a lifeline that helps process and move forward

• The newborn phase is different when your brain works differently — lean into whatever your mum tells you, accept the help that comes, and know that you will find your own rhythm

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Pregnant or TTC solo?

The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.

Acupuncture for IVF & Fertility — What Solo Mums Need to Know | Dr Michelle Smith, Ova Acupuncture

Most fertility specialists will tell you to try acupuncture. Very few of them explain why.

This week I'm joined by Dr Michelle Smith — acupuncturist, Chinese herbal medicine practitioner, and director of Ova Acupuncture in Brisbane. Michelle specialises in fertility and women's health, has two clinics in Brisbane, and sees women from all over Australia, including many solo mums by choice. She's also, as of this recording, 13 weeks pregnant via IVF — her first transfer — doing this solo, and very happy to talk about all of it.

This episode is Acupuncture 101 for anyone who has been told it might help, has no idea how or why, and wants to actually understand the mechanism rather than just taking someone's word for it.

We cover everything — the science and the philosophy, what's actually happening when a needle goes in and why that matters for egg quality and implantation, the ideal timeline for starting treatment before an IVF cycle, what to do if you have PCOS, what's different for known donor home insemination, how acupuncture supports perimenopause, and what to look for when finding a practitioner near you.

Michelle is also refreshingly honest about what acupuncture can and can't do, why the pre- and post-transfer appointment is not as essential as the industry often suggests, and why her first priority with most new patients is to get them off half the supplements they're on.

If you've been on the fence about whether to add acupuncture to your IVF cycle — this episode will help you make that decision.

 

Ova Acupuncture — Brisbane, two clinics, telehealth available for interstate patients. Visit ovaacupuncture.au

Note: Michelle can also provide referrals to trusted colleagues around Australia for those not in Brisbane.

 

In this episode:

• How Michelle came to specialise in fertility — her own PCOS diagnosis, five years of study, and why she says she has the best job in the world

• Why fertility specialists telling you to "get acupuncture to relax" undersells what it's actually doing

• The sympathetic versus parasympathetic nervous system — and why the goal of acupuncture is to move you out of fight-or-flight

• How acupuncture supports IVF: blood flow to the ovaries, follicle quality, immune regulation and implantation

• The whole-systems approach — why the 12 weeks of weekly sessions before your cycle matters more than a pre- and post-transfer appointment

• What to do if you haven't had 12 weeks — the alternative protocol for stim phase

• The post-transfer window — what acupuncture is doing during the two-week wait, and when it's worth coming in

• What Michelle looks for when reviewing solo mums' IVF histories — and the basic things she sees missed because "we assumed everything was fine"

• Diet and lifestyle for fertility: Mediterranean diet, blood sugar regulation, eating enough, and why ice baths are off the table

• Acupuncture for known donor home insemination — optimising ovulation, luteal phase support, and vaginal microbiome testing

• PCOS and fertility: irregular ovulation, AMH, OHSS risk, and how Chinese medicine treats the individual rather than the protocol

• Perimenopause and why this generation of women is experiencing it differently — and how acupuncture helps

• How to navigate acupuncture with a needle phobia or as a neurodivergent person

• How to find a qualified fertility acupuncturist near you — what to look for and what to ask

• Michelle's IVF journey: first transfer, 13 weeks pregnant, doing it solo, and what she'd tell anyone just starting out

Key Takeaways

• Acupuncture does more than help you relax — it shifts the nervous system, directs blood flow to reproductive organs, and supports immune regulation for implantation

• The whole-systems approach means regular weekly sessions in the lead-up to your cycle are more valuable than a single pre/post-transfer appointment

• Ideally start acupuncture 12 weeks before your IVF stim phase — or twice weekly during stim if you haven't had that lead time

• Solo mums often have basic things missed in their fertility workup because everyone assumes the only reason for IVF is the absence of a partner — advocate for full investigations

• Less is more with supplements — a good practitioner will help you stop rattling, not add more to the pile

• Mediterranean diet, regular meals, blood sugar stability, warmth, and adequate sleep are the foundations — before anything else

• Ice baths are not recommended when trying to conceive — in Chinese medicine, warmth supports blood flow and a fertile environment

• For known donor/home insemination: focus on ovulation regularity, luteal phase quality, and vaginal microbiome health

• When choosing a practitioner, check AHPRA registration and ask about post-graduate fertility training specifically

• You deserve to feel safe, listened to and advocated for in acupuncture — just as you do in any medical setting

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Pregnant or TTC solo?

The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.

Nine People, One Tiny Town, and the Boy Who Brought the House Back to Life

Kaitlynn was never much of a dater. In her early 20s, her mum — who, as mums do, knew her best — floated the idea of going it alone. It took another six or seven years of on-and-off conversation before Kaitlynn, now 29 and living in a four-generation household in remote Tasmania, finally sat down and started putting the pieces together.

When we first spoke to Kaitlynn, she was weeks out from her first fertility appointment — bloods done, paperwork filed, donor shortlisted, waiting on cycle day one. Her closest clinic was a four-hour drive from home; Hobart, where her specialist was based, was seven. She'd chosen her donor through Fertility Tasmania using the Seattle Sperm Bank, picking an ID release donor with a clean health history and an artistic, musical background she hoped her future child would inherit. She funded the whole process through an early release of her superannuation.

Two and a half years later, we caught up again. Kaitlynn fell pregnant on her first IUI. She developed gestational diabetes at 30 weeks, managed it through diet, and navigated a flare-up of pre-existing mental health struggles during pregnancy with her family close by. At her 20-week scan, doctors flagged a suspected clubfoot — confirmed at birth. Sully went into his first cast at three weeks old, had a small surgery to release his Achilles tendon at around three months, and has been in boots and a bar ever since, now down to overnight wear only. Kaitlynn talks openly about handing her newborn over to a surgeon, about the four-hour round trips for treatment from a town of 35 people, and about how becoming Sully's mum reshaped who she is — pulling her whole nine-person "village" closer in the process.

In this episode:

• Kaitlynn's mum first suggesting the solo mum path when Kaitlynn was in her early 20s, and what finally made her act on it

• Living in a four-generation household in remote Tasmania — nine people under one roof, and why "we'll just fit another one in" was the family's reaction

• The logistics of pursuing treatment four hours from the nearest clinic, seven from her specialist in Hobart

• Choosing an ID release donor through Fertility Tasmania and the Seattle Sperm Bank — health history, artistic background, and "donor roulette" with her best friend

• Falling pregnant on her first IUI, and the strange lack of surprise that comes with a fully planned conception

• Gestational diabetes at 30 weeks and a flare-up of pre-existing mental health struggles during pregnancy

• Sully's clubfoot diagnosis at the 20-week scan — weekly casts from three weeks old, a small surgery, and life in boots and a bar

• What it was like handing her newborn over to a surgeon for the first time

• Four-hour round trips to hospital from a town with a population of 35

• How becoming Sully's mum reshaped her sense of identity — and reconnected her with nieces, nephews and her nan

• Travelling internationally and to Bali with a toddler, and how she built community from hundreds of kilometres away

• Going back and forth on a second child, and what's stopping her from letting go of the last vial in storage

• What she wants to say to Sully when he's old enough to hear this episode

Key Takeaways

• Isolation doesn't rule out solo motherhood — it just means the logistics take more planning, and a good specialist will work around your geography rather than against it

• A quick, straightforward IUI is possible, even after years of thinking it all through

• Gestational diabetes and antenatal mental health flare-ups are common, not a reflection of anything you did wrong

• A medical diagnosis picked up on a routine scan doesn't have to define the story — Sully's clubfoot became "just part of what he's known," not a source of ongoing distress

• Having a wide support "village" doesn't dilute the mother-child bond — if anything, it gave Kaitlynn's whole extended family new life

• Indecision about a second child is normal, and there's no timeline you're required to resolve it on

• Distance from other solo mums doesn't mean isolation — online community and events like Bali can close that gapA brief note: this episode includes the death of Jessica's mum from cancer during Teddy's first year, and a hospital stay for Teddy shortly after. It's heavy in places — but told with real warmth, and it ends somewhere good.

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Pregnant or TTC solo?

The Bump Membership is your virtual village — a private WhatsApp community of solo mums to be, plus fortnightly connection calls on Zoom where we share, laugh, and support one another. Members also receive exclusive discounts on Solo Mum Society courses and products. Find out more.

Every donor-conceived child from an SMBC will ask it eventually. Mummy, why don't I have a daddy?

Most of us lie awake at some point worrying about how to answer it. What words do we use? How much do we say? What if we get it wrong?

This week I'm joined by Beth Sadowsky — solo mum by choice, life coach, and author of Choosing Rose, a children's picture book written specifically for SMBC families. Beth is based in Florida, USA, and her daughter Lily is 7. The book started as a letter Beth wrote to Lily while she was still pregnant — a way to prepare for the conversation she knew was coming — and it became a beautifully illustrated picture book that leans into the question rather than avoiding it.

Choosing Rose isn't a biology lesson. It doesn't explain what sperm is or how IVF works. It's a story — warm enough for bedtime and honest enough to open a real conversation. The kind of book you can hand your child and read together, and the words come naturally because the story does the work.

We talk about how the book came to be, what Lily thought when she first heard it read to her, how Beth handled the moment at school when Lily said I wish I had a daddy at a table full of dads, and why Beth believes the question isn't something to dread — it's one of the most beautiful opportunities we have as solo mums.

This episode is for any solo mum who hasn't quite worked out how to start this conversation yet. Or who's been putting it off. Or who picked up the book and burst into tears before they even got to page three.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to begin.

Choosing Rose is available on Amazon, including Amazon Australia. Search: Choosing Rose Beth Sadowsky.

In this episode:

• What inspired Beth to write Choosing Rose — and why it started as a letter, not a book

• The gap in children's books for SMBC families — what exists, what doesn't, and why it matters

• Why Beth deliberately kept the book free of biological detail — and what that makes possible

• How Lily reacted when Beth first read it to her at age 2 — and what she thinks now at 7

• The moment at a school event when Lily said "I wish I had a daddy" — and how Beth handled it without making it a big deal

• Why "I wish I had a daddy" almost never means what we think it means — and what to do instead of panicking

• The difference between the question being about absence vs. the question being about curiosity

• How to use Choosing Rose at school to help classmates and teachers understand your family

• Beth's advice for any solo mum who wants to write their own book — three things she'd tell anyone starting out

• Why Father's Day is actually a perfect moment to open this conversation

Links

• Choosing Rose on Amazon Australia

• Beth on Instagram: @choosingmotherhoodbooks or @choosing.motherhood

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

You're Not Doing This Alone

Solo Mum Society's Facebook group is full of women asking the exact questions you're too tired to Google at 3am. Join here.

She Chose Her Mother's Coffin With Her Newborn in the Next Room

A brief note: this episode includes the death of Jessica's mum from cancer during Teddy's first year, and a hospital stay for Teddy shortly after. It's heavy in places — but told with real warmth, and it ends somewhere good.

Jessica brought Teddy home five days after his birth, straight into a household COVID exposure that saw her evacuated to her brother's for a week. It set the tone. Over the following eight months, her mum's cancer — held at bay through years of chemo — stopped responding. On Christmas Day, watching Teddy on his new swing, her mum said she was done.

Nine days later she was gone. Jessica went from choosing her mother's coffin to planning eulogies with her five-month-old in the next room — and that same night, drove Teddy to hospital with a UTI, still in her funeral clothes. She calls it, only half-joking, the worst run she's ever had.

What carries the second half of this conversation isn't the hardship — it's what Jessica does with it. A letter her mum left her says three words: look for the joy. It's tattooed on her arm now, in her mum's handwriting. She talks about grief and gratitude sitting in the same two hands, her dad's daily role in getting Teddy to daycare, and why — for now — she's landed on one and done.

In this episode:

• Bringing Teddy home into a COVID household exposure, five days postpartum, and being evacuated to her brother's for a week

• Her mum's decline over Teddy's first eight months, and choosing to stop active treatment on Christmas Day

• Choosing her mother's coffin with her newborn in the next room

• Teddy's hospital admission for a UTI the night of the funeral

• Why "look for the joy" — her mum's own words — is tattooed on her arm

• Going back to work at six and a half months, and needing the distraction

• Her dad's daily role — early starts, daycare drop-offs, and finding purpose in it too

• The second embryo still in storage, and why she's landed on "one and done"

• Her message to Teddy for his 21st birthday, and her advice for anyone considering this path

Key Takeaways

• You can hold joy and grief in the same two hands at the same time — becoming a mum and losing a parent aren't mutually exclusive experiences

• Letting grandparents help in practical, daily ways gives them purpose too, not just support to you

• Going back to work early isn't a failure of bonding — sometimes it's what makes you a better, more present parent

• "One and done" is a considered decision, not a consolation prize

• The advice that gets you through 3am isn't always a professional — it's a Facebook group full of people asking the same question you're too embarrassed to ask

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

You're Not Doing This Alone

Solo Mum Society's Facebook group is full of women asking the exact questions you're too tired to Google at 3am. Join here.

Ten Years, One Afternoon, and a Donor She Wasn't Supposed to Find That Fast

A brief note: this episode touches on Jessica's mum's terminal cancer diagnosis, which arrived while she was starting IVF. Nothing graphic — just wanted you to know it's there.

Jessica always knew she'd be a mum. What she had, that a lot of solo mums don't, was a role model: her aunt, a solo mum by choice back in the early '90s, back when it wasn't spoken about at all. Jessica set herself a deadline — 32 — and spent the years before it doing the groundwork: leaving a teaching career that had wrecked her mental health, retraining as a nurse through COVID, having bariatric surgery, losing 70 kilos.

By the time she walked into her fertility clinic, her mum had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Jessica kept going anyway — her mum wanted it that way. She found her donor on the very first afternoon she looked at profiles, then spent days convincing herself it couldn't really be that simple. It was. Her egg collection came back lower than hoped, four eggs, three fertilised — but two became embryos, and her fresh transfer implanted the same day her nan passed away.

Her mum was too unwell to be in the room for the caesarean she'd always planned to be at. Her dad stepped in instead, and cut the cord. Jessica calls it the best moment of her life — calm, exactly as she'd hoped, nothing like the year that was about to follow.

In this episode:

• Growing up with a solo-mum-by-choice aunt, and what a good example of the journey looks like when you're young

• Leaving teaching, moving home, and choosing nursing — specifically anaesthetics — for the job security and flexibility motherhood would need

• Bariatric surgery, losing 70 kilos, and reversing her PCOS along the way

• Her mum's terminal cancer diagnosis landing right as she started the fertility process — and choosing to keep going

• Finding her sperm donor on the very first day, and the days it took her to believe that was real

• A lower-than-hoped egg collection — 4 eggs, 3 fertilised — and why "still four" was enough

• Falling pregnant the same day her nan passed away

• Hyperemesis gravidarum, advanced maternal age, and working as an anaesthetic nurse through a high-risk pregnancy

• Her dad stepping in for the planned caesarean, and cutting the cord

Key Takeaways

• Groundwork for solo motherhood — financial, physical, mental — can start years before you make the "official" decision

• Finding your donor fast isn't a red flag. It's allowed to be simple.

• A low egg collection number isn't the end of the story. It only takes one.

• You don't have to pause a fertility journey because life gets hard at the same time — sometimes it's the reason to keep going

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Pregnant or TTC Solo?

Expecting Solo takes you through everything you need to navigate pregnancy solo, share your news with confidence, and bring joy to the journey. Find out more.

One appointment changed everything

Emma never romanticised motherhood. She spent her whole career caring for other people's children — as a live-in nanny, a live-out nanny, and eventually a kinder assistant — and somewhere along the way she started asking herself whether she'd regret not having a child of her own.

The answer was yes. And that was enough.

She didn't come to this with urgency or grief or a ticking clock. She came to it with clarity. When her best friend's AMH results came back unexpectedly, Emma went and got her own tested. Her level was 8, at 32. She booked an appointment with a fertility specialist — not sure yet whether she'd freeze her eggs or something more — and walked out of that appointment completely certain: she was going to do it now.

She picked a donor in January 2024, on the first day she allowed herself to look. She found him almost immediately. She chose him on vibe — specifically, on the way he answered a question about how he felt about potentially having a biological child out there. His honesty about the nervousness of it was the thing that landed. One round of IVF, first transfer. Positive.

Franklin arrived after an induction and one hour and fifteen minutes of active labour. He was at a wedding five days later. He is now 17 months old, obsessed with his shoes, and recently helped Emma unpack the dishwasher by putting a glass on the shelf at exactly the right height.

This is a short, honest, uncomplicated story. Not every journey is long. Not every IVF cycle fails. Emma's wasn't, and hers is here to remind you that it can just work.

In this episode:

• Growing up always around kids — nannying as a career and how it shaped, and complicated, her path to motherhood

• Why adoption or foster care was always in her thinking — and why the reality in Australia didn't match the idea

• The AMH test that lit the fuse — and the appointment that made the decision for her

• Deciding at 32 that she didn't want to wait for a relationship she wasn't sure was coming

• Choosing a donor almost immediately — and why his answer about nervous anticipation of future contact was the deciding factor

• IVF at City Fertility: smooth, straightforward, first transfer positive

• A quick induction and one hour fifteen minutes of active labour

• Coming home to a full house — her mum, her mum's partner, and a housemate — and how that helped and sometimes didn't

• Mixed feeding until 8 months — three methods running simultaneously because she couldn't choose

• Going to a wedding five days postpartum

• The work complications that caught her off guard — disability job restructured, shifts changed, financially in limbo at 17 months postpartum

• What surprised her most about having a baby after a career caring for other people's children

• The FOMO that disappeared, the priorities that shifted, and the softness that settled in

• Why she wants a second child — and what she'd do differently to prepare

Key Takeaways

• One appointment can make the decision for you — go and get the information before you decide anything

• A low AMH at 32 doesn't mean this is impossible; it means start sooner rather than later

• You don't need a partner to take the next step. You just need to take the next step.

• Working with children professionally does not prepare you emotionally for your own — the connection is completely different

• Don't go back to work assuming everything will be the same — roles change, rosters change, hours change. Have a contingency in mind

• Mixed feeding is not failure. It is just one more decision with pros and cons and no clear winner, and you will get through it either way

• Solo motherhood doesn't have to be hard or long. It can just work.

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Pregnant solo and looking for your village?

The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.

Two Kids, One Heart Condition, and No Regrets

A brief note: this episode mentions a miscarriage between Kristina's two pregnancies. She shares it with grace and without distress, but we wanted you to know it's there.

 

Kristina spent her 30s doing what she loved — living in different countries, working big marketing jobs, going out, seeing things. Children were always in the plan. A partner never quite materialised. And then her mum — a retired GP who had spent her career delivering babies — started dropping not-so-subtle hints every time she saw her.

By 38, Kristina made the appointment.

What followed was a journey that looked nothing like she imagined, partly because of the pandemic that landed in the middle of it, and partly because of the heart condition she had been managing for years — including an implanted defibrillator — that meant nobody quite knew how her body would handle a pregnancy. The answer, it turned out, was better than out of it.

Kristina conceived on her first IVF transfer at City Fertility, in Melbourne, just as the borders closed. Her whole pregnancy was in lockdown. She worked from home, mostly unseen, growing a baby in an Art Deco apartment in Prahran while the world tried to work out what was happening. Otis arrived via planned caesarean at Epworth in June 2020 — small, at 2.1 kilos, and with talipes (clubfoot) that hadn't been picked up on any scan.

What followed was five months of weekly leg casts, a small operation to release tendons, then months in boots and a bar — a mini snowboard contraption that kept his feet overcorrected while the bones formed. It was hard. He was, as Kristina puts it, a miserable baby. She moved her parents in and went on road trips whenever the lockdowns allowed.

She went back for a second child when Otis was 20 months old. There was a miscarriage between them — the numbers weren't going up, and then suddenly they were, and then there was no heartbeat. She managed it medically and ended up in hospital. It was awful. Then she went back, transferred the next embryo, and got pregnant straight away.

Seven months into that pregnancy, she packed up the apartment, flew to New Zealand with her mum and Otis, and had Ari via planned C-section at Nelson Public Hospital. This time, everything was fine. He slept. She called the midwife crying, convinced something was wrong.

Otis is five. Ari is two and a half. Kristina is about to launch her own fashion brand from Nelson. She rides bikes and scooters to school with her boys every morning. She doesn't regret a single thing.

In this episode:

• Growing up the eldest of four — always knowing she wanted to be a mother, even when she was busy living her best life in her 30s

• Her mum — a retired GP — planting the seed with increasing persistence, and why she's grateful for it

• The heart condition and implanted defibrillator that made her wonder whether her body could handle pregnancy — and why it turned out to be the wrong thing to worry about

• Deciding to keep her IUI cycles secret from almost everyone — and why she told everyone when she moved to IVF

• IVF at 38-39 at City Fertility: 8 eggs, 4 embryos, pregnant on the first transfer

• Getting the positive the day the COVID borders closed — her mum, her Canadian friend, and their bags packed

• A COVID pregnancy — working from home, nobody watching the bump grow, quietly grateful for the rest

• Otis arriving at 2.1 kilos with undetected talipes — the shock, the five months of weekly casts, the minor surgery, and the boots and bar he wore until he was four

• What it was really like — the misery, the pacing, the jiggling, the shushing, and the road trips in between lockdowns

• The miscarriage between her two pregnancies — what happened physically, the hospital trip that followed, and how she feels about it now

• Going back, transferring the next embryo, and getting pregnant straight away

• Moving to New Zealand at 7 months pregnant — what she'd do differently, and what she'd tell anyone considering the same move

• Ari's birth at Nelson Public Hospital — perfectly smooth, and a baby who slept so well she thought something was wrong

• Finding six solo mums in Nelson and building a community in a small town

• Leaving the corporate world, turning down a dream Auckland job, and launching her own fashion brand

• What surprised her most about doing this twice — and which stage she didn't expect to be the hardest

Key Takeaways

• A pre-existing health condition doesn't mean solo motherhood isn't possible — it means you need the right team, honest conversations, and a specialist who will help you get there, not talk you out of it

• You never feel completely ready — at some point, you have to decide the process is more important than the feeling

• Telling people matters — the support you get back is almost always better than you expected

• Moving countries (or even cities) for support with a second child is not retreating — it's a practical, wise decision that makes the whole thing possible

• The hard parts of the newborn phase fade faster than you think — and that's not a trick, it's biology

• The hardest stage with two children isn't the newborn period — it's when the younger one develops their own strong personality and the two of them want different things

• You can build a solo mum community anywhere, even a small town — it finds you once you're there

• Two boys, solo: they will love you fiercely, and you will take full credit for all of it

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Pregnant or TTC Solo?

The Expecting solo takes you through everything you need to navigate pregnancy solo, share your news with confidence, build your support network and bring joy to the journey. Find out more.

First Try, Water Birth & Teaching Full Time

Lindsay is the kind of person who, when she decides something is happening, makes it happen.

She promised herself at 27 — the day she left her marriage — that not having a partner would never mean not having a child. She promised herself again at 30, moving to Scotland on her own without knowing a single person. And she promised herself at 35 that if she was still single, she would make it happen that year. She was. She did.

One round of IVF at Melbourne IVF. Nineteen eggs retrieved. Six embryos. A frozen transfer in December, just before her 36th birthday. A positive result over Christmas. A water birth with a doula at 37 weeks and two days — the day after her last day of work, standing in the rain doing tram duty. Aric is now eight months old. She's back teaching full time. She's planning to donate her eggs.

Lindsay is a maths and science teacher at an independent school in Melbourne. She navigated her entire IVF journey secretly, before the pregnancy was announced, managing scans and blood tests around the school day. She came back to work at five months and has spent term one figuring out what it actually means to be a full-time teacher and a full-time solo mum simultaneously — including more sick days than she's had in six years, a daycare she describes as phenomenal, and a WhatsApp group of five women from the Preparing for Solo Motherhood course who all had babies in the same year and are now, she says, the best thing in her life besides Aric.

This is a story for anyone who's been putting it off, thinks their journey will be long, or isn't sure how it's going to work with their job. Lindsay's answer to all of it is the same: you decide, and then you make it work.

In this episode:

• Leaving her marriage at 27 and her mum's advice that changed everything

• Living and working in Scotland at 30, dating with the FYI conversation, and the decision point at 35

• The public fertility waitlist in Victoria — what it is, how long it takes, and why she's glad she explored private options at the same time

• IVF at Melbourne IVF: choosing a donor, genetic carrier testing, and the last-minute transfer of funds before getting on a plane to Scotland

• Nineteen eggs, six embryos, an OHSS risk, and a frozen transfer just before the Christmas clinic shutdown

• Managing IVF secretly as a teacher — early morning appointments, removing clinic letterheads from medical certificates, and keeping a tight circle of support

• The embryo transfer day — emotionally the hardest part of the journey, and the Facebook community moment that changed everything

• A straightforward pregnancy, no complications beyond pelvic pain, and morning sickness managed with medication

• Working to 37.5 weeks pregnant, tram duty in the rain on her last Friday, and Aric arriving the next day

• Choosing a doula as a solo mum — why it was a deliberate, empowering choice, and how it shaped her birth

• A water birth with minimal intervention, just happy gas, and what she describes as one of the most magical things she's ever done

• Negotiating maternity leave in an independent school — EBAs, school holiday pay, the conversation she had to have with her principal, and going back to work at five months

• A phenomenal community daycare, full time from five months, and navigating the first term back

• The Preparing for Solo Motherhood course WhatsApp group — five women, five babies, late-night chats, Sunday check-ins, and a care package sent to a hospital in Sydney

• Why she plans to donate her eggs — and the take-a-penny-leave-a-penny philosophy behind itKey Takeaways

Key Takeaways

• The Victorian public fertility waitlist is worth joining even if private is your plan — people drop off ahead of you and circumstances change

• If you're a teacher, ask your clinic for first appointments of the day — most fertility clinics accommodate this, and it's worth asking upfront

• Tell your employer just enough to get the support you need — but ask about EBAs and maternity leave entitlements early, because independent schools operate differently to government schools

• A doula is one of the most practical choices a solo mum can make for birth — she is your advocate, she knows your plan, and she doesn't count toward your support person limit

• The course WhatsApp group is not a nice-to-have — it's one of the most important villages you can build before the baby arrives

• You don't need a partner to have a rich support network — you need the right community

• IVF as a solo mum by choice is empowering, not a last resort. The way we talk about it is different — and that mattersYou owe your fertility clinic no loyalty if it's not the right fit — changing clinics can change everything

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.

 

Pregnant solo and looking for your village?

The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.