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This episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too.

In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington, we unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think.

It fits perfectly with the lessons I've been learning as the mother of a badly injured daughter who needs me to stay strong while she gets back on her feet. You can read all about it by clicking here

In this episode, we cover:

1. What emotional regulation really is
   • The “flipped lid” model and the role of the prefrontal cortex
   • Why kids don’t “lose their goodness” – they just lose access to it
2. Why your regulation matters more than any parenting hack
   • “If the big people aren’t okay, the little people don’t stand a chance”
   • How our phones, watches and constant comparison are quietly dysregulating us
3. Behavior, consequences and connection
   • Why a strict rewards-and-punishments model backfires
   • The shift from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What happened to this child?”
4. Repair: the real superpower in families and classrooms
   • Why the best predictor of lasting relationships is the capacity to repair
   • How to apologise to your child (and your partner) in ways that actually heal
5. Practical tools you can use today
   • The phrases “Tell me more” and “What’s the hardest part?”
   • The “collect before you direct” principle
   • Everyday connection habits: eyes, car rides, bedtime, food, and shared interests
6. Hope for worried, exhausted parents
   • Why kids should be “worst” with you (and why that’s a good sign)
   • The 30% rule that lets you drop the perfectionism and keep going.

Dr Jody Carrington:

https://www.drjodycarrington.com

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Who doesn't want a simple answer to their problems? In all honesty I often hope to find one, but it's not really feasible when parenting teenagers. I love talking with experts who give us terrific advice - such as Dr Naomi Fisher and Dr Dominique Thompson - but when it comes to the messy job of parenting it can feel way more complicated in day to day life than we would hope. 

In this conversation Katherine Radice and Rachel Richards discuss the messy realities; from school being unbearable for our teen to when a group chat turns into a pile-on. 

We share practical ways to listen without panicking, work with schools, and help young people slow down, make mistakes, and grow.

School refusal and taking a pause — Understand why listening to your teenager matters, how to weigh school milestones against their wellbeing, and how to explore alternatives without closing the door on returning.

Making parent–school meetings more productive — Learn how sharing key information ahead of time and approaching staff collaboratively can help you understand what support the school can realistically offer.

Recognizing when a difficult patch needs action — Spot signs that a problem may be affecting your child more deeply, such as withdrawal or changes in their health, and see why keeping a factual log can help identify patterns.

Handling group chats, online conflict, and cancel culture — Get ideas for helping teens pause before replying, avoid escalating online drama, and disagree with someone’s views without attacking their identity.

Building resilience through mistakes, shame, and changing views — Explore ways to model openness about difficult feelings, help teens see how they’ve grown, and encourage curiosity and understanding across differences.

Episode on bullying teens

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

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Just over a week ago, my daughter was badly burned when her hot water bottle split along the seam. She needed specialist care at the Queen Victoria Hospital burns unit which became famous for Archibald McIndoe’s work treating badly burned WWII airmen. 

Instead of going back to university, she spent her 20th birthday recovering at home, unable to walk.

In this community catch-up episode I’ll tell you what happened, what we learned about treating burns, and what I want you to do tonight:

• If someone gets burned, cool the burn under cool running water for 20 minutes, cover it loosely with cling film, and get medical help.
• Check your hot water bottle for the daisy wheel symbol. It shows the month and year it was made. If it’s more than two years old, throw it out.
• Never fill it with boiling water. Let the kettle stand for a few minutes, fill it only two-thirds full, and squeeze out the air before you seal it.
• Consider a wheat or rice bag instead.

I’m also campaigning for every hot water bottle sold in the UK to carry clear warnings and a “throw out by” date.

CHILDREN'S BURNS TRUST: https://cbtrust.org.uk/

QUEEN VICTORIA HOSPITAL: https://www.qvh.nhs.uk/

ADULT BURNS SUPPORT: https://adultburnsupportuk.org/

BRITISH BURN ASSOCIATION: https://www.britishburnassociation.org/

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

My email [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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What’s behind a teenager’s struggle to get to school—and how can parents help without turning every morning into a battle? In this episode, journalist and host Rachel Richards talks with clinical psychologist Dr. Naomi Fisher, author of The Teenagers’ Guide to Taking Control of Your Education, about school avoidance, burnout, demand avoidance, and the questions parents often have about autism and ADHD.

Drawing on her own experience of struggling at school and decades of work with young people and families, Naomi challenges us to look beyond labels and ask what a teen is experiencing, what support they need, and how parents can work alongside them. They also explore the importance of connection, curiosity, and making room for young people to take an active role in their learning.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

1. What may be behind school avoidance—and how to look for specific school-day stressors rather than assuming a child is simply refusing.
2. How to work with your teen, not against them, while still acknowledging that education needs to happen.
3. What burnout can look like and why stepping back may help some teenagers recover.
4. How to think about demand avoidance and autism or ADHD diagnoses without letting labels replace curiosity about what a young person needs.
5. Why following a teen’s interests and repairing your connection matter—especially when school has become a source of conflict.

For more detailed notes and help on this go to my Fearless Parenting Substack 

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

My email [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Has your teenager come home upset because their friends have suddenly turned against them? Or have you heard that your child is part of a group chat where everyone is being urged to stop talking to someone? When a friendship conflict spreads through a whole group—and onto social media—it can be hard for parents to know what to say, when to step in, and how to help without making things worse.

In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by Dr Dominique Thompson, a physician and expert in supporting young people, to explore why teenagers can be so quick to exclude someone, and why it can feel so difficult to stand apart from the group. We talk about the role of peer pressure, black-and-white thinking and social media—and the difference between challenging hurtful behavior and shaming someone.

If your child is being ostracized, you’ll hear how to support them, work with the school and help them find other sources of connection. And if you’re worried your teen might be joining in, we discuss how to start a conversation that encourages empathy without simply lecturing or blaming them.

We’ll also share practical ways to make home a safe place for difficult conversations—and a simple question that might help a young person pause before they join a pile-on.

If this piece has raised anything difficult for you or your child, Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123 (UK).

If you want to read Rachel's expanded thoughts on this topic, click here

Dr Dominique Thompson

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

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It’s one thing hearing what experts think, but I’m always left wondering how their advice translates into the real life of a parent. If you’re wondering too then you’re going to love this chat between Katharine Radice and me. In it, we discuss what was said in my interviews with Dr Leonard Sax and Dr Tara Porter. 

Basically we cover the reality of setting healthy boundaries around gaming and phones, talking with teens about online risks, choosing supportive schools, mentors & building trust, confidence, and independence—without chasing perfection.

Don’t forget to tell us what you think. What helped and what advice deserves to go in the bin?

Links mentioned in the show:

• Rachel Richards website & Substack
• Katharine Radice website & Substack
• Dr. Tara Porter
• Dr. Leonard Sax
• Brendan Kwiatkowski 
• Melanie Sanderson
• Malcolm Gladwell
• Eileen Gu
• Angela Duckworth
• Mitchell Osmond
• Dr. David Yaeger

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

My email [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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If your son seems apathetic, glued to gaming, or strangely unbothered by school, you are not alone, and you are not imagining it. I decided to create this discussion because I have been contacted by so many parents about the lacklustre attitudes they are seeing in their sons, looking for advice on what to do.

Around the world, boys are falling behind academically, drifting socially, and retreating into screens. Meanwhile, girls are outstripping boys at school and university, and often hiding their own struggles under high achievement (a topic I recently covered both here with Dr Tara Porter and here with Dr Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell.)

In this episode, I talk to Dr Leonard Sax—family physician, psychologist, and author of Boys Adrift and Why Gender Matters—about why so many boys are losing motivation and the practical things parents can do about it, starting now.

You’ll learn:

• What’s really going on with boys today and why we should all care, because this isn’t just a schooling issue; it’s a future-partner, future-father, future-society issue.
• How modern schooling can switch boys off.
• Gaming: when it’s harmless and when it’s stealing your son’s life, including clear, research-backed limits and rules you can put in place at home.
• ADHD or something else? The hidden role of sleep and screens.
• Masculinity, role models, and “good men” in a disrespectful culture.
• Porn, AI “girlfriends”, and the pull away from real relationships.
• Most importantly: how to pull your son back into real life.

Dr Sax published his first version of this book twenty years ago and the issues it described; falling male achievement, rising screen immersion, AI companions, and collapsing couple relationships, are accelerating rather than levelling off.

The habits and boundaries we choose while our sons are still at home may shape not just his grades, but his ability to form healthy relationships, be a good partner and father, and build a life he cares about in the real world.

If you’re worried about an unmotivated, gaming-obsessed, or emotionally flat son, this conversation will give you clarity, language, and concrete steps you can start using today.

Don’t forget to share this with anyone who is struggling with the issues or who might find it helpful.

Link to my Substack where you can find all of the notes and a handy PDF cheat sheet for parenting

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

My email [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Are you trying so hard to be a good parent that you might be doing too much for your tween or teen, and accidentally making life harder for both of you?

In this episode of Parenting Teenagers Untangled, Rachel Richards talks with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Tara Porter about her new book "Good Enough" and why good enough parenting is actually the best kind of parenting.

Drawing on more than 25 years working in adolescent mental health, Tara explains how so many teens—whatever their diagnosis—secretly feel they are not “enough”: not clever enough, organized enough, pretty enough, or successful enough. She links this to a wider achievement-obsessed culture, fueled by:

• An education system caught in a “grade arms race”
• Social media’s like-and-kudos economy
• The professionalization of parenting and the tsunami of advice aimed at parents

Against this backdrop, Tara shares her three core principles of good enough parenting:

1. A good enough attitude – Letting go of perfection, resisting the urge to optimize every aspect of your child’s life, and accepting that zigzags and setbacks are normal.
2. Relationship-based parenting – Prioritizing connection over outcomes, being “like wallpaper” in the background: present, warm, and available without crowding them or trying to control everything.
3. Firm and kind boundaries – Finding the balance between warmth and firmness (authoritative parenting), gradually letting go of authority through the teen years so that by adulthood, your child is guided by their own internal compass, not your rules.

Rachel and Tara explore:

• Rescuing vs building resilience
• Two common struggle patterns in teens
  • The perfectionist achiever 
  • The rebellious non-complier 
• How to set boundaries that still protect the relationship
• Better conversations with teens
  Tara’s two key listening tools:
• Empathy – stepping into your teen’s perspective, so they feel genuinely understood.
• Curiosity – asking open questions rather than jumping in with solutions.
• Rachel adds the idea of “LUFU – Listen Until they Feel Understood”, and both discuss why advice rarely lands until a teen first feels deeply heard.
• Mental health labels vs hope and growth

Rachel's personal blog on getting the balance right 

Dr Tara Porter

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

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We’re living through an age where it can feel like our teenagers’ entire lives are happening behind a screen we can’t see. 

Meanwhile mental health problems in teens are a rising problem that is being blamed on their devices. 

The instinctive response for many of us is to clamp down: ban certain apps, monitor every move, or take away devices altogether.

But as Professor Candice Odgers put it so powerfully:

“You can’t ban your way out of a mental health crisis. You have to build instead.”

In this Wonder Room conversation Katharine Radice and I explore how parents can move beyond panic about phones and toward curious, constructive conversations that help teens feel safe enough to be honest.

These are some of the core things we cover in this episode:

Shifting focus from the phone to the child

• Phone use is often a symptom of underlying distress or needs, not the core problem.

Moving from monitoring to understanding

• Hours and apps matter less than the quality of your teen’s relationship with their online world and how it makes them feel.

Creating conditions for honesty instead of forcing lies

• Avoid loaded, judgmental questions and big emotional reactions that make teens hide or lie about what they’re doing online.

Naming the role of algorithms and external forces

• Ask “What is the algorithm feeding you?” to shift some responsibility away from the teen and toward the tech design, making honest conversations safer.

Scaffolding self-reflection and self-regulation

• Use curious questions (“Are you stuck?”, “Any surprises in your screen time?”) to help teens build lifelong skills in reviewing and adjusting their own digital habits.

For my Fearless Parenting community members I have gathered the key ideas and given you practical questions you can use tonight with your teen.

Katherine has a Substack full of help and ideas for parents of teenagers

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Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

My email [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Are smartphones and social media really damaging our teenagers’ mental health – or are we looking in the wrong place? In this episode, Rachel Richards talks with Professor Candice Odgers, a leading expert on adolescent mental health in the digital age, to unpack what decades of research actually show about teens, tech and wellbeing.

We explore why today’s teenagers are doing better than many headlines suggest, the real size of the link between phones, social media, anxiety and depression, and why offline risks are the biggest predictors of online problems. Candice explains how family stress, academic pressure, inequality, climate anxiety and adult mental health all play a powerful role in teen distress – and why focusing all our fear on phones can distract us from where we can genuinely make a difference.

You’ll hear practical guidance on monitoring vs. connection, how to talk with teens about their online lives without pushing them away, what “ready for a phone” really means, and how social media affects girls and body image. If you feel overwhelmed by scary stories about screens, this conversation will help you move from panic to evidence‑based, compassionate parenting.

Candice Odgers  via her website or on Substack

My substack:

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

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Ask Rachel anything

As a teenager, I grew up in a home with almost no routines. No one talked about what needed to happen when, and I remember constantly thinking, “What am I supposed to do now?” Life felt like reinventing the wheel every day. I didn’t feel safe, and I felt a lot of energy went into trying to cope in the chaos.

Now, as a parent and host of Teenagers Untangled, I’ve come to see routines not as dreary box‑ticking exercises, but as powerful tools for connection, calm, and joy. In this Wonder Room conversation, I sat down with teacher and parent Katharine Radice to explore how routines, habits, and rituals can serve our teenagers—and us.

You can find all of the notes and recommendations made in this bonus episode by clicking here:

Sign up for free emails to let you know when a new episode comes out www.teenagersuntangled.com

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Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

My email [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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