Send us a text

Over the last decade, parents have been consistently more likely to report experiencing high levels of stress compared to other adults, according to a report issued by the US Surgeon General, Dr Vivek Murthy. 

According to the advisory, 'When stress is severe or prolonged, it can have a harmful effect on the mental health of parents and caregivers, which in turn also affects the well- being of the children they raise. Children of parents with mental health conditions may face heightened risks for symptoms of depression and anxiety and for earlier onset, recurrence, and prolonged functional impairment from mental health conditions.'

It goes on to say “Demands from both work and child caregiving have come at the cost of quality time with one’s partner, sleep and parental leisure time.”

We've talk about ways of reducing stress in the past, but it can't be talked about enough. In this episode we unpack what is said in the Advisory, and give you some helpful tips on how to reduce the pressure felt by us all.

Here is a 10-point list of top tips from this episode:

1. Be a "single tasker" and focus on one task at a time to reduce stress and improve focus.
2. Identify when you are hearing judgment or fear, and examine whether it is an internal or external stressor.
3. Ration your exposure to negative thoughts and negative media to avoid activating stress circuits.
4. Lean on your support network and share your feelings with others to avoid feeling isolated.
5. Recognize the signs of stress in yourself and have a list of de-stressing activities.
6. Plan and organize tasks in advance to reduce stress and increase efficiency.
7. Practice cognitive empathy by understanding others' perspectives without getting emotionally involved.
8. Cultivate meaningful happiness by reconnecting with experiences, people and goals that matter to you.
9. Trust that stressful situations will pass and focus on your capacity to manage them.
10. Act as an ambassador for stress management by sharing resources and pushing back against unnecessary stress.

PREVIOUS EPISODE WITH MORE TIPS:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/stress-dealing-with-the-pressures-of-parenting-and-techniques-that-help-reduce-the-stress/

THE SOURCE:
https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2024/08/28/us-surgeon-general-issues-advisory-mental-health-well-being-parents.html

STUDY ON MATERNAL EMPATHY: AFFECTIVE V'S COGNITIVE
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4053926/

AN EXCELLENT ARTICLE LISTING IDEAS OFFERD IN THIS EPISODE:
https://parentingscience.com/parenting-stress-evidence-based-tips/

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

How to parent kids who struggle with ADHD, anxiety and life
Nobody wants their child to struggle, but it's inevitable at some point. Many of the problems our kids face will be part of a well-worn path through the teenage years.

But some kids have more complex needs. Parenting them can be far more challenging, and require a far great draw on our own resources, which is why I've been looking out for advice that will help those of us who find ourselves in that situation.

Having read the Essential Guide, by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, I knew she would be perfect for the podcast. The book is packed full of tips and support, and her thinking is completely in line with all of the advice I've uncovered over the years of making this podcast.

Let me know what you think and if you enjoy the episode please give it five stars or a review if you have the time.

BOOK:
The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more: What Parents and Teachers Really Need to Know to Empower Complicated Kids with Confidence and Calm.

CONTACT:
https://impactparents.com/

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

A recent Tweet focused my mind on something I've only really glimpsed with a side-eye. We hear so much about the challenges of the early teen years that it's easy to forget young adults have their own issues.

As the Tweeter said, when our kids are 18-22 they're dealing with adult emotions, disappointing experiences and us parents have zero control; making it terrible to witness. The response to the remark was a variety of parents agreeing entirely, or begging for better news because they needed to know that things get better.

My two bonus daughters have been through this stage and I have a teen who's literally on the brink, so I thought it would a great topic to discuss with her.

In our chat we talked about the precipice of leaving school, the way that our teen's cohort then moves on to vastly different things, and the need for our teens to create their own community for the first time in their lives.

For us parents, there's the need to realise how little control we have over our teens, that we too are in a new stage of life, and a time when we begin to see the groundwork we have laid in terms of resilience and self-determination, begin to pay back.

We'd love to know what you think about this discussion.

BOOKS:
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
The Mad Woman's Ball Victoria Mas

ARTICLE:
https://www.thetimes.com/magazines/the-times-magazine/article/caitlin-moran-british-teenage-girls-unhappy-qgc3d5wgf

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

When an anonymous listener posted this question we thought it would be a great topic to discuss; one that many of our listeners could be wondering about. 

The listener said, Hello, I absolutely love your podcast. And here’s the question. Do you think all teens should go to therapy, just so they have a space to talk that isn’t a parent, family member or friend. I’ve been pondering this lately and trying to equip my kids with all the tools I feel they will need in life.

Feeling very empowered listening to the podcast. 

The other issue we discussed was an email in which a listener queried whether it's really that important for boys to have male teachers as role models; or even to have same sex role models at all.

REFERENCES:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/conflict-resolution-skills-can-deepen-your-relationship-with-your-teen-heres-how/
• Richard Reeves Of Boys and Men
• Bad Therapy, Why The Kids Aren't Growing UP. 

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Grades are used in education the world over, but why? With the growing mental health crisis in teenagers I've been exploring how experts are asking whether perhaps it's time we looked again at the role grades play in helping or hindering the learning of our children.

In my interview with Josh Eyler, author of Failing Our Future: How Grades Harm Students, and What We Can Do about It we discuss the negative impact of grades on students. Eyler argues that the focus on grades, starting early, is akin to a Tetris-like pile-up, affecting students' motivation, performance, and psychology.

He criticizes grade portals for creating undue pressure and strategic learning and  advocates for feedback over grades, emphasizing that grades are often used to justify judgments rather than to coach students. 

He suggests alternative grading models that reduce pressure and honor individual learning rates and also highlights the importance of fostering curiosity and intrinsic motivation in students, noting that employers value skills like communication and critical thinking over GPA.

For us parents, Josh emphasizes the importance of fostering curiosity and natural interest in learning. He argues for the importance of communicating our love and support for our children, regardless of their grades.

https://olemiss.edu/profiles/jreyler.php

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

As your child turns from a tween to a teen it's obvious to everyone that their body and mind are undergoing massive changes. It's destablising for our kids and can be very uncomfortable for us parents watching as the changes take place. 

Some of our discomfort can come from our own fears about how to guide them through the changes and what sort of person will come out the other side of the transformation. 

Some of it will be down to our own memories of the problems we faced when we hit puberty and some of the biggest difficulties can stem from our own unresolved body issues and the different attitudes to body image when we were growing up. 

It's a messy, imperfect, process so we thought it might help listeners to hear Phoebe and I talk about our own experience as a way to help you unpick the process for yourself. 

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Music festivals are a rite of passage for many teens. Whilst some love the music, the lack of restriction and opportunities to mingle in a way that they could have only dreamt of during Covid, others decide to give them a miss or go and positively hate the experience. 

I was never a festival kid growing up. I didn't have the money, or the opportunity. As an adult, I've found them to be joyous events, but will always refuse to stay the night. 

My girls have now both been to one of the key UK festivals, Reading, so I thought you might be interested to hear more about what to expect if your kids are keen to go, how best to plan ahead, and what the key issues turned out to be.  

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

What is school for, and are exam grades a good measure of a human? Does someone's grades tell us what we should know, or are we being misled? Do grades help children grow and engage with learning, or do they simply destroy interest and entrench social divisions? These are the sort of questions that perplex many of us who are parenting teenagers.

It’s coming to the end of summer in the UK which means there’s been a wave of exam results and the beautifully timed release of a terrific book called Exam Nation; why our obsession with grades fails everyone. 

Written by Sammy Wright, Headteacher of a secondary school in the North of England and part of the UK government’s Social Mobility Commission for several years it was chosen by the BBC as book of the week, and applauded by reviewers across the serious newspapers in the UK, and I even found it laugh out loud funny at times. 

In this interview we talk about what school is for, the difficult transition from junior to secondary education, the need for tests and the way in which we view grades. Sammy offers up thought about other ways of looking at schooling which he thinks has become too transactional and would serve us better if it were more focused on the whole person.

https://twitter.com/SamuelWright78
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Exam-Nation-Obsession-Grades-Everyone/dp/1847927521/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Whether your teen is currently learning to drive, or those days are in the future, it helps to prepare ahead.

Both Rachel and Susie have teens learning, so it's a great time for Rachel to go through all of the tips and data to help us all think ahead about what is involved and how to make their life behind the wheel as safe and smooth as possible.

The free RISK ANTICIPATION driving course:
https://www.teendrive365inschool.com/safe-driving-resources/teens

NEW DRIVER AGREEMENT CATEGORIES:

• What are you responsible for in terms of cost?
• Enforcing zero tolerance for driving under the influence. Discuss situations.
• Use of a mobile phone. Switch off notifications.
• Remind them of the consequences if they break the law.
• Be a good role model.

RESOURCES USED:
https://www.wvpersonalinjury.com/teenage-driving-risks/
https://www.brake.org.uk/get-involved/take-action/mybrake/knowledge-centre/young-drivers
https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/news/driving-law/graduated-driving-licences-launched-to-tackle-overconfident-young-drivers/
https://www.gohenry.com/uk/blog/bread/why-gen-z-isnt-driving

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

It doesn't matter how much we know, and how much we work at it, we'll all struggle to parent well at times; it's just part of being human.

To mark the 100th episode of the podcast I decided to give you a top ten of the best lessons I've learned, and continue to mess up.

In case you can't be bothered to listen, you're bored by me waffling, or you just want the list, here goes:

1. Connection over correction.
2. It's not personal, and it's not about you.
3. Kick the bullies out of your head.
4. It's not your job to tell your kids what to do, it's your job to help them find out who they are.
5. Routine is going to save everyone from nagging hell.
6. Assume your kids are trying their best and catch them being good.
7. Have clear boundaries, consequences and expectations, but be prepared to negotiate.
8. Community is way more important and helpful than we were told.
9. Be honest about your own failings.
10. Make time to enjoy the ride.

This list isn't definitive, it's just the stuff that's has felt most meaningful to me. Hopefully some of it will land with you, but if you have any other keys to heaven you can add then email [email protected] and help us all out; we need all the support we can get. 

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

In the West, we tend to see success for late teens as passing exams, getting into further education or getting a job, and moving on with life. So when we received an email from a mother, concerned for the welfare of her two step-sons who've performed poorly in their final high school exams, and who don't seem to be interested in finding work, we thought it would be a really interesting topic to unpack.
 
Her step-sons aren't alone. There is growing concern about the relative underachivement of boys in education across the Western hemisphere, and the term 'failure to launch' was even referred to as a syndrome in a recent article in The British Journal of General Practice.
 
We discuss coping with our own expectations and feelings of fear about our children's suceess, managing a complicated situation as a step-parent, and the structural issues affecting boys in today's society.
 
 BOOKS REFERENCED:

Boys Adrift, Leonard Sax explores the alarming trend of boys falling behind in education and life. 

Of Boys and Men: Richard Reeves. Why the modern male is struggling, why it matters, and what to do about it.

USEFUL EPISODES:

Masculinity: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/98-boys-emotions--vaccinations-and-online-influencers/

Step-parenting: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/29-step-children-coping-and-thriving-with-a-blended-family/

Setting high expectations: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/

Charging rent: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/charging-rent-should-you-charge-your-teens-and-young-adults-rent-and-if-you-do-whats-the-best-wa/

Failure to launch: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk