Welcome to your weekly audio hug full of research, tips and discussions for parents of teens and tweens. As a mum of two teens and two bonus daughters, I've designed this audio hug to help calm your fears, learn from the mistakes of others, and grow in confidence in your role. It may look like other parents are perfect but even experts make mistakes, because good parenting is a constant challenge. In all the research I've done the most important thing we can do is focus on building our connection by being more curious and less critical of both our kids and ourselves. Admitting our mistakes isn't failure, it's growth.Before each episode I do lots of research to understand what's going on in this rapidly-changing world to keep us as prepared as possible for whatever life throws at us. Susie then brings her wealth of expertise and experience in mindfulness to the discussion as we talk through the options for parenting in an imperfect world, offering tips on the things we've learned along the way.What the Independent Podcasting Award judges said: 'The advice within the podcast on how to deal with what life throws at you is universally helpful, not just for those with teenagers.' 'A good mix of personal stories alongside professional insight; it's addressing something different, and helps its audience with the references and extra information provided in episode notes.' 'The rapport between the hosts, Rachel and Susie, is great with a good mix of them chatting, but also providing context for the listener and remembering them within the conversation.' For more discussion and tips, you can find us on Facebook and Instagram. Find courses with Susie at https://www.amindful-life.co.uk/
In a recent column in The Times, Caitlin Moran wrote about how five young men in her social circle have taken their lives in the past 18 months.
She's not alone. My daughter has experienced this, as has Bernadette's son, the listener who contacted me to suggest I cover it in an episode.
In the UK, the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50 is suicide, and the statistics in the US are even worse. Boys are particularly vulnerable, and we know that there's the risk of social contagion if we're not careful about how we discuss it.
So how do we talk to kids who've been impacted by this devastating loss? Dr Steven Kariaskos is deeply involved in suicide prevention and support and gives some excellent tips for us parents.
RESOURCES:
https://www.copingaftersuicide.com/support-groups
https://afsp.org/
https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp
https://samaritanshope.org/blog/suicide-grief-101/
Facilities in which Dr Steven Kariaskos is involved:
The Kita Center in Maine: https://www.thekitacenter.org/
This bereavement and mental health center supports individuals impacted by suicide loss. Camp Kita, a free summer camp for young people ages 8-17 who have experienced a loss. We are also expanding our offerings to include weekend retreats, such as a Family Retreat for families navigating a loss and a retreat for Twentysomethings who have lost a loved one to suicide. “Preventing suicide by building intentional environments to foster connection and a lifelong engagement with mental health.”
Coping After Suicide Peer Support Groups: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/support-groups-people-bereaved-suicide/
New groups begin in January, and additional specialized groups are available based on specific losses or identities (such as groups for mothers, siblings, and men).
Talking OutLOUD - Teens & Suicide Loss, A Conversation:
https://www.rethinktheconversation.org/talking-outloud
Award-winning documentary featuring a teen-led discussion about suicide loss.
Elpis Consulting, Coaching, and Community Building:
https://www.elpis-consult.com/
Cultivating restorative communities rooted in hope and well-being. I collaborate with schools and organizations globally, supporting programs that foster organizational health, community well-being, and individual thriving. Elpis means “Hope” in Greek, reflecting the core of thi
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
So many of us bemoan the loss of a village, but do we really know what we mean by that?
Being in a village or community requires us to give as well as take; often not on our own terms. It also means that we have to brush shoulders with people who might have radically different viewpoints from us on things like politics or religion.
Many of us have got used to our busy, overscheduled lives, and don't have time to offer what's needed to create community, whilst complaining about its absence.
When we think about community it's easy to desire the positives, whilst forgetting that a lot of selfless contribution goes on behind the scenes in order for it to function.
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
Encouraging our kids to make the most of themselves is a vital job for parents, but how do we talk with girls about the barriers they face? From the subtle expectation that girls and women be humble to the not so subtle focus on their worth based on body parts and beauty, we parents are left with a tricky path to tread.
We want to encourage our girls to be bold, and try to achieve their dreams, but how do we do that without being honest about the pitfalls of being ambitious, and the misogynistic reactions they will face as they navigate the world?
Jo-Ann Finkelstein's book, Sexism and Sensibilty: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World, has been described by Lisa D'Amour as required reading for anyone who is raising, educating, or caring for girls.
In this interview, Finkelstein discusses the challenges girls face, such as internalizing sexism and the pressure to conform to beauty standards. She highlights the need for us parents to open about the challenges girls face so they learn to understand their worth beyond appearance.
She has some great tips on how to help boys and girls notice the subtle signals and explains how we parents can help them by moving away from comments about their bodies and emphasising their other qualities.
Another great tip is to encourage discussion around the dinner table and give girls time and respect when they want to make a point, since men interrupt women 33% more then they interrupt other men.
COMPATIBLE EPISODES:
Jo-Ann Finkelstein, is an advisory board member of the nonprofit, SSAIS, which has teen resource to empower youth to address SH/SA through peer education and advocacy. Jo-Ann has a toolkit on this page: https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/toolkits/, and SASH Club is described here: https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/sash-club/ and on its own website at the previous link. Looking fo
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
The suicide of a young man at Oxford University has prompted a warning letter to the UK Government about 'cancel culture' on campus. The review into his death 'identified evidence of a concerning practice of social ostracism among students, often referred to as a cancel culture,' according the coroner.
'[The review's] evidence was that this behaviour, where individuals are isolated and excluded from social groups based on allegations or perceptions of wrongdoing, poses a significant risk to student mental health and well-being.'
I brought Susie in to talk about where cancel culture has come from, why it's become popular, and how we parents can help our kids be a force for good.
PODCAST ON DEI :
This Isn't Working by Tanya de Grunwald
FICTION BOOK:
The Outcast - Sadie Jones
EPISODES:
BLOG about consequences:
Seven Ideas to Reduce Cancel Culture in Yourself or Your Students and Build Resilience from https://growingleaders.com/the-correlation-between-cancel-culture-and-resilience-in-students/:
https://comment.org/why-we-cancel/
https://www.depts.ttu.edu/rise/Blog/cancelculture.php
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/375520893_Cancelled_Exploring_the_Phenomenon_of_Cancel_Culture
https://www.thetimes.com/uk/education/article/oxford-student-took-own-life-after-ostracism-over-sexual-encounter-cjx389t5r
https://www.mindingthecampus.org/2024/08/27/the-dangerous-evolution-of-cancel-culture/
https://www.mindingthecampus.org/2024/08/27/the-dangerous-evolution-of-cancel-culture/
https://medium.com/@julesdixon/ostracism-social-exclusion-in-adulthood-8764ea1a4003
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Pl_86DNyN4cicero
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
Friendships, and fitting, in are everything to teenagers. You could argue that understanding the dynamics, and supporting our kids through the turmoil of the teen years, is one of the best things we parents can do.
Former Headteacher of 18 years, Andrew Hampton FRSA, is no stranger to the issue. He's not only raised two girls he's also had to deal with the fall-out in school when friendships go wrong.
Having set up the organisation, Girls On Board, which aims to educate teachers about the issues girls face, he - like me - is keenly aware that you can't tackle girl issues without also paying attention to what's happening with boys.
He has now turned his attention to Working With Boys and tackling the issue of rape culture in schools; what stage it sets in, why it develops and how we parents can provide a decent working model for our kids to follow.
Andrew Hampton FRSA
[email protected]
https://www.girlsonboard.co.uk
https://andrewhampton.net
BOOKS:
When Girls Fall Out
Working With Boys
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
If we genuinely think about how many of us are emotionally mature before we become parents the number is probably pretty low. The act of caring for someone else, and having to manage our own feelings, can be incredibly challenging, particularly when we were raised by parents who were immature themselves.
Being able to spot the difference between being emotionally immature, and the normal pressures of parenting, can be really helpful. We all have outbursts at times; we're human. The most important test is how we deal with getting it wrong by apologising and taking accountability. The mutual empathy this creates is at the root of building strong relationships.
Definition of emotional maturity on Healthline:
An emotionally mature person manages their emotions well even in difficult situations, takes accountability, is okay with being vulnerable, and shows empathy to others.
THE BOOK REFERENCED THROUGHOUT:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay Gibson
TYPES:
1: The emotional parent. Ruled by their feelings, often swinging wildly between being over-involved and completely withdrawing from their children's lives.
2: The Driven parent. This personality type is obsessively goal-oriented and perpetually busy. They are on a constant quest for perfection, which includes even their children.
3: The Passive parent. They’re more laissez-faire and often willingly take a back seat to a more dominant partner. This can sometimes lead to physical and emotional abuse both for them and their children.
4: The Rejecting parent. They don’t enjoy any level of emotional intimacy. Their interactions with other family members usually consist of getting angry, commanding others, or completely isolating themselves.
THE TECHNIQUE
1: Become curious and observe rather than react. Our episode on this: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/over-reactions-how-to-not-overreact/
2: Think like a scientist. Mentally take note of how your parent or the adult is responding to you. Are they actually listening to you or are they just trying to appease you? Do you recognize any of the emotionally immature behaviors we talked about earlier?
Once you’ve done this you can begin to employ what Gibson calls the three-step Maturity Awareness Approach. The first step is to express yourself and let go.
1: Express yourself and let go. Tell your parent or the person what you want to say, but don't worry about controlling the outcome. It doesn't matter how they react to you.
2: Set a goal of what you want to achieve from the conversation. For example, you might say, I want to tell my mother how I
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
What we see on TikTok often starts on message boards in fringe groups then spills over into the mainstream. This is true of the Looksmaxxing social media trend that's been gaining more and more currency among teen boys.
The goal of looksmaxxing is to meet a set of criteria for physical attractiveness, with a focus on the eyes, jawline, and physique and the ultimate currency is SMV, or Sexual Market Value.
There are some really positive elements to the trend, but its originated in incel groups so there can be a dark underbelly that it's worth us parents knowing about, as Mike Nicholson https://www.progressivemasculinity.co.uk/is well aware.
SOME KEY INFLUENCERS:
Kareem Shami - syrianpsycho
Dillon Latham
NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY:
Open Wide
PODCAST:
LOOKSMAXXING for the modern male (attitude, skin & hair routine, clothes, mewing, jawsize)
APPS MENTIONED:
UMAX
LOOSKMAX AI
MEWING:
The Mews are a father and son team of orthodontists from the UK who began to market their techniques on YouTube.
The basic principles of mewing include:
When to seek help: from medical news today
Your son is...
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/feb/15/from-bone-smashing-to-chin-extensions-how-looksmaxxing-is-reshaping-young-mens-faces
https://fortune.com/2024/07/01/looksmaxxing-apps-rate-teen-boys-faces-mental-health/
https:
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
Boundaries exist, regardless of whether we're conscious of them or not. The first place we experience them is in our own home, and the way they are created, managed and enforced can set us up for a lifetime of healthy relationships, or difficulty coping with other humans.
In this episode Susie and I discuss what a boundary is, how we uncover our own boundaries and create and uphold healthy ones within our own families.
It's a fascinating area for us parents who were raised in an era where the term barely existed, and the mental health issues that come with poor boundaries went unacknowledged.
We'd love to hear your feedback, ideas and questions. Email [email protected] or send a text using the button at the top of the podcast notes.
SOURCES:
Boundary Exercises from verywellhealth
When you set boundaries, you're communicating to others how you want and expect to be treated. Here are a few exercises that can help when you feel tongue-tied:
Use "I" statements:
When you feel disrespected:
Buy yourself some time:
When you want to say "no" with a little more explanation:
Seeking consent with sexual boundaries:
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
When kids hit puberty they become driven by a core motivation that many of us adults don't fully appreciate. It's not simply fun, or sex; they're looking for experiences that give them social status and respect.
According to David Yeager, author of 10-25: The Science of How to Motivate Young People, a societal belief that teens and young adults are lazy and incompetent causes us to misunderstand the power of this motivator. When parents, teachers and employers get it wrong they try to use either an enforcer mindset - yelling telling, blaming and shaming - or a protector mindset such as bribes and lowered expectations rather than mentoring.
In his book, Yeager, whom Clarivate Web of Science ranks as one of the top 0.1% most-influential psychologists in the world over the past decade, tells stories and gives concrete explanations for why the the science of motivating young people shows we can harness their drive for social status and a growth mindset, to motivate any young person to achieve their best.
BOOK:
10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People
DAVID YEAGER: Author/Professor/Scientist
[email protected]
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
Over the last decade, parents have been consistently more likely to report experiencing high levels of stress compared to other adults, according to a report issued by the US Surgeon General, Dr Vivek Murthy.
According to the advisory, 'When stress is severe or prolonged, it can have a harmful effect on the mental health of parents and caregivers, which in turn also affects the well- being of the children they raise. Children of parents with mental health conditions may face heightened risks for symptoms of depression and anxiety and for earlier onset, recurrence, and prolonged functional impairment from mental health conditions.'
It goes on to say “Demands from both work and child caregiving have come at the cost of quality time with one’s partner, sleep and parental leisure time.”
We've talk about ways of reducing stress in the past, but it can't be talked about enough. In this episode we unpack what is said in the Advisory, and give you some helpful tips on how to reduce the pressure felt by us all.
Here is a 10-point list of top tips from this episode:
MY BLOG POST ON THIS EPISODE:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/our-culture-of-comparison-is-a-key-factor-in-the-damaging-levels-of-stress-experienced-by-parents/
PREVIOUS EPISODE WITH MORE TIPS:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/stress-dealing-with-the-pressures-of-parenting-and-techniques-that-help-reduce-the-stress/
THE SOURCE:
https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2024/08/28/us-surgeon-general-issues-advisory-mental-health-well-being-parents.html
STUDY ON MATERNAL EMPATHY: AFFECTIVE V'S COGNITIVE
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4053926/
AN EXCELLENT ARTICLE LISTING IDEAS OFFERD IN THIS EPISODE:
https://paren
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
How to parent kids who struggle with ADHD, anxiety and life
Nobody wants their child to struggle, but it's inevitable at some point. Many of the problems our kids face will be part of a well-worn path through the teenage years.
But some kids have more complex needs. Parenting them can be far more challenging, and require a far great draw on our own resources, which is why I've been looking out for advice that will help those of us who find ourselves in that situation.
Having read the Essential Guide, by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, I knew she would be perfect for the podcast. The book is packed full of tips and support, and her thinking is completely in line with all of the advice I've uncovered over the years of making this podcast.
Let me know what you think and if you enjoy the episode please give it five stars or a review if you have the time.
BOOK:
The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more: What Parents and Teachers Really Need to Know to Empower Complicated Kids with Confidence and Calm.
CONTACT:
https://impactparents.com/
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
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