#120. Well, after our 'looking ahead to Christmas' episode, how did it go? Were our festive hearts filled with joy? Or were there tears?!

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss, and we're Chris & Claire Sandys, your childless hosts.

Every year, we dedicate an episode to sharing our thoughts and feelings about the Christmas season - before, and after, it happens. Now that the holiday buzz has settled and a new year has begun, we’re back to reflect on how Christmas 2024 unfolded, whether our intentional choices helped us enjoy it, and how we’re stepping into 2025.

Includes; Sherlock Holmes, cinnamon buns, advent calendars, and Chris' meat monologue explaining Meat Chicken!

And if you want some questions to reflect on as you enter a new year, here's the 10 we mention in the episode:

1. Personal high moment/experience for you individually this year.
2. Personal lowest moment of the year.
3. Joint best memory
4. Joint hardest memory.
5. Biggest personal dream you have for the future.
6. Biggest fear you have for the future.
7. Something you don't want to take into next year.
8. Something you really want to take into next year.
9. 3 things you want to achieve this year.
10. 3 things you want to stop/be better at/improve on.

To listen to our pre-Christmas episode, 'Chris and Claire's Chatty Christmas Catch-up', visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/793f6bd9/chris-and-claires-chatty-christmas-catch-up

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#119. Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about. 

Oh, and the beautiful sounds of a distant thunderstorm that I recorded in Belgium. 

Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope. 

These very short, episodes will pop up every now and then to help you take a moment to check in and see how you're really feeling.  

Less than 7 minutes total, including 2 minutes of time for you and you alone - join me (Claire Sandys, podcast host) in an imaginary place and allow yourself to press pause on life for a short while. 

And for this episode I'm asking you to sit by a window with me and watch the beautiful storm on the horizon from our Air BnB in Belgium. Listen to the rain and thunder, watch the lightning and take a moment to think about things as you enter a new year. 

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#118. Struggling with the festive season? You're not alone. As a childless couple, we've been there too, especially when family is at the heart of so many celebrations.

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss, and we're Chris & Claire Sandys, your childless hosts.

Every year we release an episode where we chat about how we're feeling about Christmas. We started with an episode in 2021, talking about how hard it felt and Chris' loss of Christmas spirit, then we did another in 2022 (Finding Comfort at Christmas - which included other podcast guests' experiences), and in 2023 we had 'Chris & Claire chat Christmas and Childlessness', and now here we are again with all things Christmassy, Chrissy and Clairey.

In this episode we chat about how we're finding the lead up to Christmas this year, how we feel about being childless and how that's changed over the years, what our hopes are going forwards, and lots of other stuff that pops up.

Including, a flu-inspired Chris yelling 'Mistletoe' a few times!

All the other Christmas and New Year episodes and blogs we mention, that you might want to check out if you're struggling this year, can be found on one page:

https://www.thesilentwhy.com/christmas

And don't forget, if you're feeling alone, we're always here and we love to hear from you.

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#117.  What do you do when the career you love is gone, and you're barely staying afloat? And why is helping yourself so much harder than helping others? 

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.

Loss #59 of 101: Loss of a police career and self worth

In this episode, we meet Ken Anderson from York, England; a retired police officer whose life took an unexpected turn after a nearly 20-year career as a response officer, firearms officer, and trainer.

Ken's front-line career came to an abrupt end after a serious car crash, during a police chase, which left him injured. What followed was a deeply challenging period of his life. In July 2023, Ken hit rock bottom as he struggled with depression, self-doubt, and the heartbreak of losing the "police family" he cherished.

But this isn’t just a story about loss—it’s about hope. Ken shares how three simple words—“Are you OK?”—were a turning point that prevented him ending his life.

Today, he’s transforming his pain into purpose, advocating for mental health awareness and meaningful connection.

This conversation is a raw and honest look at:

• The emotional toll of emergency service careers
• How to navigate the depths of depression and loss
• The power of reaching out and supporting one another in times of need

We also explore how Ken is finding new purpose and meaning after such a profound life shift.

And of course, we wrap up with our signature question: What’s your Herman? Curious to learn more? Visit thesilentwhy.com/herman.

For more about Ken visit:
www.phoenix-rises.co.uk
https://www.linkedin.com/in/ken-anderson-8842b0313/

And for more about Andy's Man Club (mentioned in the episode), visit:
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

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#116. Let's Chat... about what it looks like when we use social media to show and share our grief.

These 'Let’s Chat' episodes are conversations with guests who have experience/expertise in a particular area of loss. 

In this episode, I (Claire Sandys) chat to Rebecca Feinglos in North Carolina who is a certified grief support specialist and the founder of Grieve Leave - which offers grief support, education and training for workplaces.

By the age of 31, Rebecca had lost both her parents and was dealing with the end of her marriage, these losses led her to take a year off to process them all, which is what she called her Grieve Leave. 

During this time, Rebecca started blogging about her grief and its popularity eventually led her to set up Grieve Leave as an organisation in 2021 to help others. This online community now has an impressive 30,000 members worldwide, who all share their grief, or are looking to help others who are grieving, particularly through the use of social media.

With her experience of seeing and sharing grief online, I was keen to talk to Rebecca about grief in the online world. Does it help or hinder us? How has the internet opened up new areas of grieving for us? And how do we accept those? There's a lot of ground covered in this chat, including raccoons (!) and a question I've never asked before in a Let’s Chat episode (for you regular listeners, see if you can work out what it is.)

For more about Rebecca and Grieve Leave:
https://www.grieveleave.com
https://www.instagram.com/grieveleave
https://www.instagram.com/rfeinglos

Viral video of Rebecca & Adele:
https://www.tiktok.com/@rfeinglos/video/7177076659344919850 

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#115. Have you ever considered the losses that might be encountered by going through puberty early? Have you even heard of precocious puberty? Let alone think about it in the context of grief.

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.

Loss #58 of 101: Loss of agency over your body through precocious puberty

Meet Dannie-Lu Carr, who lives on the south coast of England in St Leonards-on-sea, and is an executive coach, author, singer-songwriter, actor and director.

Dannie-Lu went through precocious puberty (or early puberty) at the age of 8 years old, and she shares the subsequent losses she's encountered in her life since.

This is a very valuable conversation about an area of grief that people might not consider or know much about. We're hoping it will be a useful tool to help adults who might have children they know going through, but also to help anyone that went through it themselves and who is still processing what was taken from them through that experience.

Dannie-Lu shares about why it's only now, in her 40's, that she can talk about it, what she's learnt from it, how it's shaped how she sees herself (especially her body), and what she's gained from it.

For more about Dannie-Lu, visit:
https://dannielucarr.com/
https://portfoliodlc.com
https://flamingleadership.co.uk

Social media:
https://www.instagram.com/dannielucarr/
https://www.instagram.com/dannie_lu_carr_music

Music:
https://dannielucarrmusic.com

Podcast:
https://complicatedpod.co.uk/

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BONUS EPISODE TIME! 

... and this episode contains something that I've never shared on the podcast before.

Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.

Many of you will know that I (Claire Sandys, host) enjoy podcasting (of course!) and writing, and drinking Earl Grey tea and eating marzipan, but what you might not know is that I also occasionally speak at church gatherings. 

This year I was asked to share something at the annual All Soul's service, which is specifically for people to come to remember those who have died. This usually takes place the week of Halloween, or as it used to be called All Hallows Eve.

So my remit for the talk was 10-15 mins on grief, loss, and the hope we have through our faith (you're starting to see why I was asked to do this, aren't you?!)

And because it was SO similar to what I also do on the podcast, and because maybe you are remembering a loved one you've lost, I thought I'd share it with you as a bonus episode.

So here it is...

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#114. How does the grief of losing someone to suicide differ from other deaths? What emotions and questions does it raise? And what if it's your spouse who's died, and you're five months pregnant with his child? 

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.

Loss #57 of 101: Loss of a husband to suicide while pregnant

Meet Rachel Hart, from Liverpool, who recalls the time she was five months pregnant and the police knocked on her door to tell her that her husband had been found dead. She was later told he had died by suicide. 

Rachel is no stranger to grieving, having lost both her parents before her mid-30’s, but this kind of grief took her to a whole new level.

In this episode, Rachel shares about the blessing that the Covid lockdowns turned out to be (with a new baby), how she managed new emotions like anger that were tied in with her grief, and what people can say (and avoid saying!) when faced with a story like hers. Plus, she shares how and when hope returned to help her look to the future.

And we send many congratulations to Rachel (and her newly wed husband), because they got married within days of us recording this episode.

Charities and organisations Rachel wants to share links to: https://www.instagram.com/calmzone/
https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/
https://uksobs.com/

Nora McInerny books Rachel mentioned: https://noraborealis.com/

For help on language around suicide: https://shiningalightonsuicide.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/Language-guide-for-talking-about-suicide.pdf 

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#113. Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about. 

Oh, and the beautiful sounds of the Eternal Forest in Wales…

Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope. 

These new, very short, episodes will pop up every now and then to help you take a moment to check in and see how you're really feeling.  

7 minutes total, including 2 minutes of time for you and you alone - join me in an imaginary place and allow yourself to press pause on life for a short while. 

And for this episode I'm asking you to come for a stroll with me down the peaceful paths of the Eternal Forest natural burial ground in North Wales, listen to the birds, the quiet, and nature just doing it's thing around you. 

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Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#112. What is it like doing chaplaincy work on the frontline with the police? Or experiencing the worst humans can do to each other up close?

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.

Loss #56 of 101: Loss in the role of a Police Chaplain

Meet Jared Altic, a returning podcast guest who is here to talk to us about what it's like to work as a full-time Pastor, voluntary Police Chaplain at his local police department in Kansas City, and podcaster.

Jared Altic has over 25 years of experience serving and counselling military and law enforcement families, responding to families of crime victims and working long term with police in areas of wellness. And we spoke to him over 2 years ago in a Let's Chat episode, and now he's back as part of our list of 101 losses. 

In this episode Jared shares why why he does this kind of work, the challenges it can bring to his own wellbeing, how he makes sure his work doesn’t always get the best of him, and the toll being around death can take. 

Yet, despite all the horrendous things Jared has witnessed, he’s still a strong believer in hope... for everyone. 

To listen to Jared's podcast, ‘Hey, Chaplain’, visit: https://heychaplain.buzzsprout.com/

And we specifically recommend an episode we mentioned on compassion fatigue and you can listen to that on any podcast player or through his website: https://heychaplain.buzzsprout.com/1792621/10314453-025-what-is-compassion-fatigue-richard-hartman

To read, or listen to, Claire's top tips on how to speak to people who are grieving, visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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#111. So, is grief selfish? I mean it's largely about something we're sad about. It's something we've lost or miss. So, is it a selfish thing?

Let's open up this can of worms, shall we?!

Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). My Why episodes are audio versions of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/is-grief-selfish

I overheard a conversation in a charity shop, and it really made me chew over this question all the way home - is grief selfish?

Does that question make you feel uncomfortable? Is it grief-podcast-suicide to suggest it might be selfish? Do we make grief all about us when we shouldn't? Is it possible to get stuck in grief in a selfish way? Do you assume the definition of selfish is always bad? Will people throw shocked faces at me just for posing this question?

Join me to find out.

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Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.