Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode. Head to www.squarespace.com/LOVERS for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use CODE: LOVERS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Sex is a skill, and you can learn how to be the best lover in bed! Join Beducated today at https://beducate.me/loversapril.

Lots of love to our sponsor, Quince. Go to Quince.com/LOVERS for free shipping and 365-day returns.

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In this episode of Lovers, Kamie Crawford returns for a third time, and this time, she’s engaged.

When Kamie first came on the podcast, she was coming out of a very public breakup and rebuilding her life from the ground up. In her second appearance, she shared a mindset that sparked a lot of conversation: “I’m not a girlfriend, I want to be a wife.” She was dating with intention, holding high standards, and refusing to entertain anything that didn’t align with the life she actually wanted.

People had a lot to say. Some called it unrealistic. Others said her standards were too high.

Now she’s back, engaged to the love of her life, in a relationship that didn’t just meet her standards but exceeded them.

In this conversation, we talk about what it looks like to hold your standards in dating, how to navigate criticism when people tell you you’re asking for too much, and why the language you use around love, marriage, and your future actually shapes what you experience.

Kamie shares how she approached dating with intention, why she refused to shrink her desires to be more “realistic,” and what happened when she chose to dream bigger instead.

If you’ve ever been told to lower your standards, questioned whether you’re asking for too much, or wondered if holding out for the kind of love you actually want is worth it, this episode is for you.

Watch our other interviews with Kamie Crawford on LOVERS:
2021: How to Look at a Breakup Differently → https://youtu.be/vSc0hF__y_4?si=E9u8zKsxdCEBbG8r
2023: This is What Happens When a Single Woman Turns 30 → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSc0hF__y_4

Want to manifest a love that FEELS exactly as you’ve always dreamt it would (in your wildest dreams)? Get specific with that language using our LOVERS feelings wheel + Romantic Wishlist worksheet → https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-feelings-wheel---newsletter-subscribers-only


Follow Kamie Crawford
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/kamiecrawford/
Watch her podcast Relationshipshit → https://www.youtube.com/@relationshitpod
Website → https://www.kamiecrawford.com/ 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thanks to Cozy Earth for sponsoring this episode. Go to cozyearth.com/LOVERS for up to 20% off! 

Sex Is a Skill. Beducated is where you learn it. Join the world's largest sex school and access 150+ courses for curious adults: https://beducate.me/lovers. 

—

In this episode of Lovers, I sit down with Lisa Bilyeu to talk about a decision a lot of women think about… but don’t always say out loud: what if you don’t want kids?

Lisa is an entrepreneur, co-founder of Quest Nutrition, and founder of Impact Theory Studios. She’s known for building billion-dollar businesses alongside her husband while also speaking openly about identity, marriage, and what it means to choose a life that actually fits you.

Lisa built a life that looked like the dream. Marriage, stability, and the role she thought she was supposed to want. For a long time, she even stepped into the idea of being a traditional wife. But over time, something didn’t sit right.

What happens when you realize the life you chose doesn’t actually fit you anymore?

We talk about what it looked like for Lisa to tell her husband that she didn’t want children, how they navigated being in a marriage where one partner wants kids and the other doesn’t, and why choosing to be child-free doesn’t mean something is missing, broken, or selfish.

This conversation challenges the idea that every woman is meant to become a mother, and unpacks the pressure many women feel around motherhood, marriage, and identity. We also explore what it means to redefine a successful relationship on your own terms, whether that includes children or not.

If you’ve ever questioned whether motherhood is for you, wondered how to tell your partner you don’t want kids, or felt conflicted about choosing career, independence, or a different kind of life, this episode is for you.

EXCLUSIVE LOVERS COMMUNITY RESOURCE
Need help starting a difficult conversation? Access our guided journal inside the LOVERS community: → https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/navigating-change-hard-conversations-in-relationships-community-exclusive 

Follow Lisa Bilyeu

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/
→ Watch & learn on Impact Theory: https://impacttheory.com/
→ Explore her personal website: https://lisabilyeu.com/
→ Listen to her podcast Women of Impact: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/women-of-impact/id1435217865
→ Get her book Radical Confidence: https://radicalconfidence.com/ 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Get $200 off your Tonal purchase! Get a complete gym + a trainer in your home by going to http://tonal.com, then use promo code LOVERS for that big discount.

—
In this episode of Lovers, I’m joined by Aida Mariam Davis, author of Kindred Creation: Parables and Paradigms for Freedom, to explore one question: Is your sex life by design?

We unpack the idea that so much of our sexual identity isn’t accidental, it’s constructed. From childhood messaging that disconnects us from our bodies, to adulthood expectations that swing between repression and performance, Aida breaks down how Western culture creates a fragmented relationship with intimacy. The result? A sex life that often feels confusing, isolating, or performative rather than intentional and embodied.

Together, we explore what it looks like to reclaim your sexuality on your own terms. Aida shares how her relationship with her husband was rooted in freedom, patience, and self-possession, not pressure or performance, and how that created the foundation for deeper intimacy, trust, and desire.

This conversation will challenge what you’ve been taught about sex, and invite you to design something that actually fits you.

Resources mentioned
→ What If Your Sex Life Is By Design? | Intimate Life Audit: https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/what-if-your-sex-life-is-by-design-intimate-life-audit

→ A Guide to the Sexual Journey As We Grow: https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/normal-sexual-development-from-0-18 

Follow Aida Mariam Davis
→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aidamariam/
→ Learn more about Decolonize Design: https://www.decolonizedesign.com/ 
→ Get her book Kindred Creation: Parables and Paradigms for Freedom https://rep.club/products/kindred-creation?srsltid=AfmBOor4haNsPUvlYWcMk7oxSWdcmG-yZCTBeLjGtTDoFO_IaJXU_Jwj

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you taken my MasterClass yet? New subscribers get access to my class and hundreds of others starting at $10 per month. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at http://masterclass.com/lovers 

________________________

In this episode of Lovers, I’m joined by Mark Manson, the bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope, and Models: Attract Women Through Honesty, to talk about what men actually think about before they propose, and why waiting doesn’t mean what you think it means.

Mark shares the story of how he “agonized” over proposing to his now wife of ten years. Despite being deeply in love, he struggled with doubt, timing, and the pressure to feel completely certain. The turning point came during a conversation with his stepmother, who told him she had been married for over thirty years and still couldn’t say with absolute certainty that she “knew” he was the one. That advice freed him from the illusion that certainty is required before commitment.

We also unpack my own proposal story with Jared, including the untold truth about the pressure I put on him to propose and what was actually happening behind the scenes. The story I shared online isn’t the full story, and in this episode, we fill in the missing pieces.

Lauren Morrison, my sister and the author of Be in the Room, joins as guest host. As a longtime fan of Mark Manson, she helps us dig into the myth of the two-year rule, the idea that if a man hasn’t proposed by a certain timeline, you must not be “the one,” and the false belief that real love comes with instant certainty.

This conversation challenges the cultural narrative that a proposal delay reflects doubt about your worth. Instead, it reveals how doubt is often part of the process, not a sign that something is wrong.

If you’ve ever wondered what’s taking so long, this episode is for you.

Get MasterClass Today

For real, what are you waiting for? My class on MasterClass is one of the best things I’ve ever done and I’m sure every other instructor would agree!
Go to http://masterclass.com/lovers
Get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership 

Follow Mark Manson

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markmanson/
→ Listen to Mark’s podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/solved-with-mark-manson/id1247526593
→ Sign up for Purpose and experience Love Maps: https://purpose.app/

Follow Lauren Morrison

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachlaurenmorrison/
→ Get Lauren’s new book https://www.amazon.com/Be-Room-Shrinking-Leading-Purpose/dp/B0FM4HGYSP
→ Sign up for a free coaching consultation with Lauren https://www.beintheroomcoaching.com/work-with-lauren

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thank you to Evvy for sponsoring today’s video! Go to https://evvy.yt.link/v90OvPp and use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 to get 10% off your first purchase (up to $25).

________________________

In this episode of Lovers, I sit down with actor DeWanda Wise to talk about what makes her marriage to actor Alano Miller genuinely healthy, not perfect, not performative, but well-matched.

DeWanda and Alano have been married since 2009 after dating for only three months. Now more than 15 years in, they frequently appear together at industry events and continue to build a partnership rooted in intentionality rather than assumption. Alano Miller, known for his roles in Underground and Jane the Virgin, shares a dynamic with DeWanda that is grounded in accountability and mutual respect.

One of the most impactful amendments in their marriage came from Christian counseling: don’t treat strangers better than you treat me. They hold each other accountable to extend the same kindness, patience, and curiosity at home that they offer the outside world. When one of them falls short, the response is not immediate condemnation but curiosity and course correction.

We explore the delicate balance between accepting your partner and enabling harmful patterns, and what it truly means to be well-suited to love someone as they are. DeWanda challenges the idea that being “too much” is always a flaw, suggesting instead that compatibility determines whether intensity feels overwhelming or perfectly matched.

We also draw parallels to parenting, where the tension between letting someone be themselves and shaping them into who we think they should become is ever-present. This conversation ultimately centers on discernment, kindness, and the courage to build a relationship where both partners feel deeply seen and responsibly loved.

This episode also features a clip of my upcoming interview with legendary relationship therapists John and Julie Gottman! You can preview this episode inside the LOVERS community only

Thanks to our sponsor of this episode Evvy

Find out what’s happening with your vaginal health so you can build a care guide based on knowledge vs guess work!

Go to https://evvy.yt.link/v90OvPp
use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 for 10% off your first purchase (up to $25).

Follow DeWanda Wise 

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dewandawise/
→ Keep up with her movies and TV appearances: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1986622/

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Get $200 off your Tonal purchase! Get a complete gym + a trainer in your home by going to http://tonal.com then use promo code LOVERS for that big discount.
—

In this episode of Lovers, Melyssa Ford joins me for a conversation about desirability, partnership, and what it means to build a full life without centering it around finding “the one.”

Melyssa has been publicly desired for decades. She’s dated wealthy men, high-profile men, and men who could provide an extraordinary lifestyle. And yet, she’s never been married and doesn’t have children. In this conversation, she reflects on what that actually means, not from a place of regret, but from a place of honesty. What happens when you are wanted by many but not chosen in the way you hoped? What if partnership never materializes the way you imagined it would?

We also discuss something I call Bething, the tension between becoming the person you are meant to be and chasing the life you thought you were supposed to have. Bething is about allowing yourself to exist fully in the present version of your life, even if it doesn’t match the cultural script you were handed. It’s the practice of building something meaningful instead of waiting for someone to complete it.

This episode is not about giving up on love. It’s about living well whether love arrives in the way you expected or not. It’s about separating desirability from devotion, lifestyle from longevity, and fantasy from fulfillment.

If you’ve ever quietly wondered what happens if you never meet your person, this conversation is for you.

Follow Melyssa Ford

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melyssaford
→ Watch Hot & Bothered with Melyssa Ford (YouTube): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgI18pIo71rZWq6upn_QxMg
Listen to Hot & Bothered Podcast: available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts & all major platforms
→ Get her book Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself: 13 Lessons for a Life Well Lived: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/58631608-allow-me-to-reintroduce-myself?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=n6x35X4UoC&rank=1

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

If you haven’t subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now’s the perfect time → lemonadapremium.com 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thanks to Cozy Earth for sponsoring this video. Go to cozyearth.com/LOVERS for up to 20% off!
—----------------------- 

In this episode of Lovers, I share something personal: the ways my own social media habit began affecting my presence, my focus, and ultimately my intimacy. Jared joins the conversation to reflect on the intervention he had with me when he realized my relationship with my phone wasn’t just a habit, it was beginning to shape our connection.

Then we’re joined by psychiatrist and Dopamine Nation author Dr. Anna Lembke, who explains why addiction today looks different than it did even a generation ago. We live in a world where high-dopamine substances and behaviors, from alcohol and porn to social media, smut, gaming, and endless scrolling, are instantly accessible and socially normalized. Dr. Lembke breaks down how these habits rewire the brain’s reward system, dull pleasure, increase craving, and quietly erode intimacy.

We talk about porn addiction, phone addiction, alcoholism, erotic content consumption, and the broader crisis of overconsumption that defines modern life. Most importantly, Dr. Lembke offers practical tools, many of which she teaches in her class on MasterClass and outlines in Dopamine Nation, to help us reset our dopamine systems and reclaim our relationships.

This isn’t just an episode about addiction. It’s about presence, connection, and what it takes to love well in the most addictive era in human history.

To Watch Dopamine on MasterClass go to http://masterclass.com/lovers (this link will get you 15% off an annual plan to watch over 200 classes there including mine)

Follow Dr. Anna Lembke

Dr. Anna Lembke is a Stanford psychiatrist and New York Times bestselling author specializing in addiction, dopamine science, and behavioral health.

Official Website → https://www.annalembke.com
Bestselling Book → Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/?ean=9781524746728 

Stanford Profile → https://med.stanford.edu/profiles/Anna_Lembke
Watch her class on MasterClass → http://masterclass.com/lovers 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

If you haven’t subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now’s the perfect time → lemonadapremium.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you taken my MasterClass yet? New subscribers get access to my class and hundreds of others starting at $10 per month. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at masterclass.com/lovers.
________________________

In this episode of Lovers, Jerrie Johnson (NAACP-nominated actor best known for role on Harlem) and Dria Brown (the creative doula) share the story of how they fell hard, broke up, and then made a conscious decision to rebuild their relationship differently the second time.

The first time around, their connection was intense, passionate, and undeniable. But intensity alone wasn’t enough. Before getting back together, they chose to start over as friends, and in doing so, they realized something uncomfortable: they weren’t actually as strong of friends the first time as they thought.

This conversation explores what it truly means to be friends with your romantic partner, why passion can mask incompatibility, and why many couples confuse chemistry for foundation. If you’ve ever considered getting back together with an ex, or if you believe you’re “best friends” with your partner, this episode will challenge you to define what that actually means.

Because sometimes spinning the block only works when something fundamental changes.

Are you and your lover really friends? Try this relationship check in to find out
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/relationship-checkin

NAACP - Vote for Jerrie's nomination
https://vote.naacpimageawards.net/categories/8f53f295-6f7a-42f1-a40f-08de2c5a3e90/entrants

Follow Jerrie Johnson
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/jerriejohnson/

TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@jerriejohnson
Official Website → https://www.jerriejohnson.com

Substack → JerrieJohnson.substack.com

Follow Dria Brown
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/driabrown/
Official Website → https://www.thecreativedoulastudio.com/ 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

If you haven’t subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now’s the perfect time → lemonadapremium.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Lovers, Abby De La Rosa returns three years after our first conversation to reflect on what time, motherhood, and public scrutiny have actually taught her.

When Abby first joined the show, she was pregnant and navigating intense speculation about her relationship with Nick Cannon, who now has 12 children with multiple partners. That episode sparked massive conversation and debate about alternative relationship structures, belief, and who society decides to trust. Now, years later, Abby comes back with clarity, boundaries, and lived experience.

In this follow-up conversation, Abby opens up about what it’s been like raising children within a highly publicized family dynamic, how her understanding of love and partnership has evolved, and why she remains grounded in her choices despite ongoing judgment. She addresses the assumptions people make about women in nontraditional relationships, what outsiders often get wrong about consent and agency, and how motherhood reshaped her sense of self.

This episode isn’t about defending a headline or convincing anyone of a particular relationship model. It’s about autonomy, growth, and what happens when a woman is given time to live inside the decisions she once had to justify.

If you’ve ever wondered what comes after the internet forms an opinion, this conversation answers that.

Right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase. Just go to tonal.com and use promo code LOVERS.

—

Thank you to Evvy for sponsoring today’s episode! Check out Evvy here: https://evvy.yt.link/SVTTsvO and use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 for 10% off your first purchase (up to $25).

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Lovers, therapist Kier Gaines shares a personal and professional reflection on how resentment builds when men are taught to silence their emotional truth.

Kier opens up about a pivotal moment in his own relationship, when he realized that his partner’s tone was hurting his feelings, and that his fear of naming it, out of concern that he would sound “effeminate” or not man enough, was quietly turning into resentment. What started as self-protection slowly became emotional distance, until he reached a breaking point where honesty felt less risky than staying silent.

Together, we unpack how masculinity norms shape emotional expression, why unspoken hurt often masquerades as resentment, and how learning to articulate emotional impact can transform intimacy rather than threaten it. This conversation explores the cost of swallowing feelings, the courage it takes to speak before resentment hardens, and what becomes possible when men allow themselves to be emotionally legible in their relationships.

This episode isn’t about blame or tone-policing. It’s about emotional responsibility, relational repair, and the freedom that comes from finally saying the thing you were afraid would make you sound weak. 

If you wished this episode is longer and you could hear more about Kier Gaines

Is My Relationship Healthy Quiz
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-relationship-check-in 

Follow Kier Gaines
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines 

TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@kiergaines 

Twitter/X → https://twitter.com/kiergaines 

YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@KierandNoemie 

Official Website → https://www.kiergaines.com 

Course Words That Connect → https://kier-gaines.mykajabi.com/wordsthatconnect

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Lovers, Higher Learning host and former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay shares the deeply personal story of what it was like to experience intimacy both sexually and emotionally for the first time after divorce.

After nearly a decade of being with only one partner, that she met while being the Bachelorette, Rachel walks us through the fears, emotions, and expectations she carried into that moment, from questions of safety and vulnerability to the quiet pressure of “doing it right” after such a long chapter had closed. She reflects on what that experience taught her about trust, desire, and emotional presence, and how those lessons reshaped her understanding of intimacy moving forward.

Though she isn’t with the person from that first post-divorce experience, Rachel shares why she remains grateful for what it revealed about her needs, her boundaries, and her capacity for connection. She also opens up about how those insights are influencing the relationship she’s in today, offering a grounded, honest look at what intimacy can become after loss, change, and reinvention.

This conversation isn’t about sex for shock value. It’s about safety, growth, and learning how to meet yourself again after everything you thought you knew about love has shifted.

———
Follow Rachel Lindsay
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/therachlindsay/ 

YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@HigherLearning 

Podcast — Higher Learning with Van Lathan & Rachel Lindsay → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/higher-learning-with-van-lathan-and-rachel-lindsay/id1515152489 

Official Website → https://www.rachellindsayofficial.com/ 

Rachel’s Book — Miss Me With That: Hot Takes, Helpful Tidbits, And A Few Hard Truths → https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57895042-miss-me-with-that?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=vFiuBJ3vpY&rank=1 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.