Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin | QCODE

  • 1 hour 7 minutes
    E253: Ask A Sex Therapist: dry spells, sex pillows, and morning sex

    We do weekly ā€œask us anythingā€ boxes over on Instagram… and let’s just say… you all really show up with the questions šŸ˜

    Today, we’re bringing your q’s to the podcast and diving into them for real.

    We’re talking about everything from sex pillows to dry spells, morning sex mismatches, body confidence, toys, and what to do when your partner just isn’t that into the resources you know could be helpful.


    šŸ’› In this episode, you’ll hear:

    • The pros and cons of sex pillows (and whether they’re worth trying).

    • How to think about a ā€œdry spellā€ in a relationship (and what’s actually normal).

    • How to navigate it when one of you loves morning sex… and the other one really doesn’t.

    • Whether you actually need to feel horny to initiate (this one might surprise you).

    • How to feel more comfortable in lingerie (even if it feels awkward at first).

    • What to do when you’re tired from life, parenting, and work… and intimacy isn’t top of mind.

    If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, ā€œhuh… I wonder about that too,ā€ — you’re going to feel very seen in this episode.

    Because these are the kinds of questions so many people have… they just don’t always say out loud.


    šŸ”„ Want sex that makes you go… ā€œwait, why don’t we do this more often?ā€

    If you’re down to play, explore, and discover new ways to turn each other on, The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are where things get very fun.

    Clear, expert-backed step-by-step techniques for how to touch, tease, and build pleasure in ways that feel really, really good.

    Because it’s not just about ā€œleading up toā€ something else… this is the good part.


    šŸ‘‰šŸ» Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

    šŸ‘‰šŸ»Get the sex pillow: Head to vmtherapy.com/pillow to get 10% off our favorite sex pillow (code will be applied at checkout)


    Stay connected:

    ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== šŸ‘Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW to get up to 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!āž”ļøŽhttps://cozyearth.com šŸ‘Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. āž”ļøŽhttp://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW šŸ‘Thanks Birch. I want my listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. āž”ļøŽ https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS šŸ‘Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. āž”ļøŽhttps://quince.com/pillow

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    26 March 2026, 11:00 am
  • 52 minutes 29 seconds
    E252: Don’t Give Your Kids ā€œThe Talkā€ (do this instead)

    Most parents dread ā€œthe talk.ā€


    How much are you supposed to say? When do you start? What if you say the wrong thing?


    If you’ve ever felt awkward, unprepared, or secretly hoped your kid would just… figure it out somewhere else — you’re not alone.


    But here’s the truth: talking to your kids about sex doesn’t make them reckless. Research shows it does the opposite. It reduces risky behavior, increases safety, lowers shame, and strengthens your relationship.


    And it’s never too late to start.


    In this episode, we break down how to move beyond one big, terrifying ā€œtalkā€ and instead create short, ongoing conversations that actually work. No lectures. No shame. Just practical, real-world guidance from a licensed sex therapist who’s been helping families navigate this for over 20 years.


    šŸ’› In this episode, you’ll learn:

    • Why ā€œThe Talkā€ is a myth (and what to do instead).

    • The research-backed benefits of talking to kids about sex.

    • How to get clear on your why before you start.

    • How to define your family’s guiding principles around sex.

    • The 5 core conversations every parent should have (and how they evolve by age).

    • Conversation starters and scripts you can actually use.

    • What to say when your kid asks a question that completely catches you off guard.


    You don’t have to be perfect.

    You don’t have to have all the answers.

    You just have to be willing to start.

    And that willingness? That’s what makes the difference


    šŸ”„ Want Step-By-Step Support?

    If you’re ready to become the parent your kid can talk to about anything — and you want all the guesswork taken out of it — Beyond The Birds & The Bees: Raising Smart, Safe, Shame-Free Kids gives you scripts, age-by-age guidance, and clear direction on how to raise safe, smart, shame-free kids.


    It’s not just about having better conversations.

    It’s about breaking cycles.

    šŸ‘‰ Learn more here: vmtherapy.com/kids


    Stay connected šŸ“ø Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

    šŸ’Œ Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

    šŸŽ§ Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!


    ==========================

    THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

    ==========================

    šŸ‘Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. āž”ļøŽhttps://curehydration.com/PILLOW

    šŸ‘Thanks Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and instantly book a doctor you love today. āž”ļøŽhttp://Zocdoc.com/PILLOW

    šŸ‘Thanks Birch. I want my listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. āž”ļøŽ https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS

    šŸ‘Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. āž”ļøŽhttps://quince.com/pillow


    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    19 March 2026, 11:00 am
  • 1 hour 5 minutes
    E251: What’s Your Desire Type? Our NEW Framework for Understanding What You and Your Partner Really Want

    We’re talking about something that explains so much of the tension couples feel around sex and desire.

    And no — it’s not about having a ā€œhighā€ or ā€œlowā€ libido.

    Desire isn’t as simple as being ā€œin the moodā€ or not. It’s shaped by how desire shows up for you — in your brain or your body — and when you want intimacy — before or after emotional connection.

    When you combine those two dynamics, you get four distinct Desire Types. This is a framework we created to help couples finally understand why they might feel like they’re not on the same page when it comes to intimacy.

    Understanding yours (and your partner’s) desire type can completely change the way you approach sex, connection, and feeling wanted — without blame, shame, or pressure.

    šŸ’› In this episode, you’ll learn:

    • The difference between spontaneous (brain-first) and responsive (body-first) desire.

    • Why some people want sex to create connection — and others need connection first.

    • The four Desire Types and the strengths and challenges of each.

    • Why your type might shift depending on stress, life stage, or relationship season.

    • How to use this framework to open up better conversations with your partner.

    We’ll walk you through simple prompts to help you figure out your type, then break down what each combination looks like in real life.

    No stereotypes. No ā€œone of you is brokenā€ narratives.

    Just a clear, compassionate way to understand how you want sex — and why your partner might want it differently.

    If you’ve ever felt mismatched, confused, or frustrated around desire… this episode might be the clarity you’ve been missing.


    šŸ”— Links & Resources šŸ”„Discover Your Desire Type Here

    Want to know your type for sure? Learn your Desire Type and get personalized insight into how you experience desire — plus what it means for your relationship.

    šŸ‘‰ Take the quiz here: https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type

    ✨ Your relationship called. It wants a little more… fun.

    The Spark is our monthly cheat code for connection + intimacy. Connection questions, date nights, and a new position to try — delivered fresh every month for just $9!

    šŸ‘‰šŸ» Get your Spark back here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark


    šŸŽ§ Stay connected:

    šŸ“ø Follow us on Instagram āž”ļø **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander**

    šŸ’Œ Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

    Sign up here šŸ‘‰šŸ» vmtherapy.com/subscribe

    šŸŽ§ Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    12 March 2026, 11:00 am
  • 1 hour 3 minutes
    E250: What Do Men Really Think About…? Part 4 (Heated Rivalry, mental load + areolas)

    Ever wish you could get a straight answer about what’s actually going on in his head? 🧠

    We’re back with Part 4 of our ā€œWhat Do Men Really Think About…?ā€ series — and this time we’re diving into everything from Heated Rivalry and seeing gay sex on screen… to mental load, breadwinning, and why it takes them so long to poop.


    šŸ’› In this episode, you’ll hear:

    • How men feel about watching gay sex on screen (including the Heated Rivalry phenomenon).

    • Whether they actually believe mental load is real.

    • What they think about baggy sweats and messy hair at home.

    • How they feel when their partner earns more money than they do.

    • The truth about submissiveness — and whether they want women to take more control.

    • If they care about going down on you if you haven’t showered.

    • And what they really notice about areolas.

    Xander’s not holding back… and some answers may surprise you!


    šŸ”— Links & Resources:

    šŸŽ§ What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 1 āž”ļø https://vmtherapy.com/episode56

    šŸŽ§ What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 2 āž”ļø https://vmtherapy.com/episode69

    šŸŽ§ What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 āž”ļøhttps://vmtherapy.com/episode213


    šŸŽ§ Stay connected

    šŸ“ø Follow us on Instagram āž”ļø **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander**

    šŸ’Œ Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

    Sign up here šŸ‘‰šŸ» vmtherapy.com/subscribe

    šŸŽ§ Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!


    ==========================

    THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

    ==========================

    šŸ‘Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW to get up to 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!āž”ļøŽhttps://cozyearth.com

    šŸ‘Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. āž”ļøŽhttps://curehydration.com/PILLOW

    šŸ‘Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!āž”ļøŽhttps://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD

    šŸ‘Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. āž”ļøŽhttps://quince.com/pillow

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    5 March 2026, 12:00 pm
  • 48 minutes 6 seconds
    E249: Help! I can’t orgasm with my partner. What do I do?

    Not orgasming with your partner is way more common than most people realize.

    And for a lot of women, it turns into one of three coping strategies.

    Faking. Doing nothing. Or convincing yourself it’s ā€œnot a big deal.ā€

    In today’s episode, we’re talking about why so many women struggle to orgasm in partnered sex — even in loving, committed relationships — and how those patterns quietly shape your confidence, desire, and connection over time.

    Vanessa shares her own journey with orgasm, including the truth that even as a sex therapist, she didn’t always have this ā€œfigured out.ā€ She opens up about faking in past relationships, feeling stuck, and realizing she needed real tools — not just reassurance — to experience pleasure consistently.

    If you’ve ever wondered:

    ā€œIs this just how sex is for me?ā€

    ā€œAm I asking for too much?ā€

    ā€œWhy does this feel so complicated?ā€

    This episode is for you.


    šŸ’› In this episode, you’ll hear:

    • The three most common ways women cope with not orgasming.

    • Why faking feels easier at first — and harder over time.

    • The real data behind the orgasm gap.

    • What thousands of women said is holding them back from pleasure.

    • How pressure, performance, and people-pleasing kill desire.

    • Why ā€œit’s fineā€ often leads to resentment.

    • What to say if you’ve been faking and want a reset.

    • How to start advocating for your pleasure without blowing things up.

    • Why you deserve the same experience your partner is having.

    If you’ve ever felt confused, discouraged, or quietly frustrated about orgasm, please know this: you’re not broken, you’re not behind, and you’re not alone. This is something you can learn. And you deserve support while you do.


    šŸ’— Featured Resource: Finishing School


    Finishing School is Vanessa’s most technique-focused program, designed to teach you step-by-step how to have an orgasm alone and with a partner.

    Inside, you’ll learn:

    • How your body actually works.

    • What techniques create reliable pleasure.

    • How to communicate what you need.

    • How to stop guessing and start feeling confident.

    • How to experience orgasms without pressure or performance.

    This is everything Vanessa wishes she’d had when she was struggling.

    šŸ‘‰ Start here: vmtherapy.com/orgasm


    Stay connected šŸ“ø Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

    šŸ’Œ Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

    šŸŽ§ Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!


    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    26 February 2026, 12:00 pm
  • 55 minutes 38 seconds
    E248: How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner (Without Making It Weird)

    Life has been a lot lately.

    So today, we’re digging into the archives and bringing back one of the most important episodes we’ve ever recorded: how to talk about sex.

    Because communication is the thing that keeps connection alive. And these conversations don’t have to feel awkward, heavy, or like you’re about to start a fight.

    When you know how to do it right, talking about sex can actually be fun, flirty, and bonding.

    In this episode, we’re breaking down the #1 mistake couples make when they finally try to talk about sex (hint: they wait until something feels bad), and we’ll give you our favorite low-pressure ways to start opening up… even if your partner is resistant, nervous, or shuts down the second you bring it up.


    šŸ’› In this episode, you’ll hear:

    • Why most couples wait too long to talk about sex (and how that backfires fast).

    • The ā€œsecret sauceā€ to making sexual communication feel safer and easier.

    • How to stop turning sex talks into high-stakes problem-solving sessions.

    • The sneaky, low-pressure ways to start the conversation (even if your partner’s resistant).

    • Simple scripts to compliment, reminisce, and flirt your way into better connection.

    • The post-game recap (and why it works best when you keep it light).

    • Why talking about sex helps reduce shame, anxiety, and performance pressure.

    If talking about sex feels intimidating in your relationship, this episode is for you.

    Sometimes all it takes is one small, low-pressure conversation to start changing the whole vibe between you two.


    šŸ”— Links & Resources

    šŸ”„ Ready to make this easier (and way more consistent)?

    If you want an easy way to keep conversations like this happening (without having to ā€œfigure out what to sayā€ every time), check out The Spark.

    Fun, flirty, sex therapist-created relationship ideas you can try together every month. Think: connection boosts, date night inspo, a new sex position, and simple, low-pressure ways to keep intimacy on the radar.

    You can wait for connection to magically happen… or you can let us deliver it straight to your inbox each month. It could be the best $9 you ever spend.

    šŸ‘‰šŸ» Check out The Spark here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark

    šŸ“˜ Mentioned in this episode:

    Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life

    Our New York Times bestselling book breaks down the five conversations that make talking about sex feel easier, more connecting, and way less intimidating.

    It’s grounded in real-life stories from their own relationship and gives couples a clear path to communicating about sex without pressure or panic. https://sextalksbook.com/


    Stay connected

    šŸ“ø Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

    šŸ’Œ Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

    šŸŽ§ Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!


    ==========================

    THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR

    ==========================

    šŸ‘Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. āž”ļøŽhttps:www.curehydration.com/PILLOW

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    19 February 2026, 12:00 pm
  • 52 minutes 55 seconds
    E247: Our Recent Foreplay Discoveries (and how to explore more)

    We’ve been experimenting more in our own bedroom lately, and in today’s episode, we’re pulling back the covers on what we’ve discovered.


    The things that surprised us. The moments that felt a little vulnerable. And the small shifts that brought a big boost of curiosity and connection.


    Exploration doesn’t have to mean doing anything extreme or intimidating. If you love the idea of trying something new but feel stuck on how to actually bring this into your real-life sex life, don’t worry. We’re breaking down exactly how to make exploration feel intentional, low-pressure, and actually fun.


    šŸ’› In this episode, you’ll hear:

    • What ā€œexplorationā€ really means (and what it doesn’t).

    • Why new doesn’t have to mean wild — it can mean slower, softer, or more intentional.

    • How to talk about trying new things outside the bedroom first.

    • Why removing pressure makes experimentation way more enjoyable.

    • How to create playful structure with curiosity nights and King/Queen roles.

    • How laughing things off builds safety and trust.

    • Why exploration is an ongoing mindset, not a one-time fix.

    • Our recent bedroom discoveries — including pillows, fingers, and subtle shifts in sensation.

    If you’re in a season where sex feels predictable, disconnected, or a little stale, this episode is a reminder that you don’t need a total overhaul.

    Sometimes curiosity is enough to open the door again.

    šŸ”— Links & Resources šŸ’– Valentine’s Day Sale: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides If you want a really good way to bring more exploration, confidence, and fun into your bedroom, this week is the perfect time.

    Right now, The Ultimate Foreplay Guides — our #1 best seller — are on sale for $40 (normally $69) to celebrate Valentine’s Day and Vanessa’s birthday. šŸŽ‰


    Inside, you’ll find:

    • Over 100 foreplay techniques you can explore together.

    • Clear, step-by-step instructions (no guessing).

    • Audio versions you can listen to together.

    • Tasteful visuals that make things feel approachable, not awkward.

    It’s the kind of gift that says, ā€œI want you… and I want us to have more fun together.ā€

    šŸ‘‰ Grab The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: vmtherapy.com/foreplay

    (on sale now through Feb 16, 2026)

    Our Fave Sex Pillow : The Prim @ TabuStay connected Use our code PILLOWTALKS at checkout to get 10% Off

    šŸ‘‰šŸ» vmtherapy.com/pillow


    Stay connected šŸ“ø Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

    šŸ’Œ Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

    šŸŽ§ Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!


    ==========================

    THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR

    ==========================

    šŸ‘Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. āž”ļøŽhttps://quince.com/PILLOW

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    12 February 2026, 12:00 pm
  • 1 hour 2 minutes
    E246: How To Stay Connected When The World Feels Like It’s Burning

    Lately, we’ve been hearing from so many of you in our DMs. People are telling us they feel guilty wanting pleasure. Ashamed for craving closeness.

    Disconnected from their bodies and their partners because the world feels overwhelming, violent, and unstable.

    Others have told us they know their relationship matters, but caring about their sex life feels hard when so much is happening globally.

    Many of you feel less present, less motivated, and more anxious, and it’s showing up directly in your connection.

    In today’s episode, we’re talking about what to do when the weight of the world makes intimacy feel impossible.

    This conversation is not about ignoring reality.

    It’s about learning how to stay grounded, emotionally available, and connected so you can actually show up for your life, your values, and your relationship.


    šŸ’› In this episode, you’ll hear:

    • How constant exposure to distressing news and social media keeps your nervous system stuck in survival mode.

    • Why stress and anxiety don’t just affect your mood, but directly impact desire, arousal, and presence.

    • The moral pressure many people feel to put their relationship on pause during hard times.

    • Holding awareness of the world while still caring for your relationship.

    • How physical connection helps regulate your nervous system and bring you back into your body.

    • Simple ways to shift from overwhelm to meaningful, local connection and action.

    • Practical rituals for staying connected when everything feels heavy.

    • Why staying close to your partner can actually make you more effective and resilient.

    If you’ve been wondering how to care about your relationship when things feel dark or hopeless, this episode is for you.


    šŸ”— Links & Resources ✨ Your relationship called. It wants a little more… fun.

    The Spark is our monthly cheat code for connection + intimacy. Connection questions, date nights, and a new position to try — delivered fresh every month for just $9!

    šŸ‘‰šŸ» Get your Spark back here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark


    Stay connected šŸ“ø Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

    šŸ’Œ Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

    šŸŽ§ Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!


    ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== šŸ‘Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. āž”ļøŽhttps://curehydration.com/PILLOW šŸ‘Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!āž”ļøŽhttps://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    5 February 2026, 12:00 pm
  • 1 hour 2 minutes
    E245: What It’s Really Like to Start TRT: Xander’s Testosterone Journey

    Testosterone is one of those topics that feels loaded.


    It’s tangled up in masculinity, aging, sex drive, energy, mood… and a whole lot of misinformation. Because of that, many men quietly wonder if something is off — but feel embarrassed, unsure, or afraid to even ask the question.


    So today, we’re having a very real conversation.


    In this episode, Xander is sharing his personal testosterone journey — what made him start asking questions, the concerns he had before doing anything, what the actual process looked like, and how it’s impacted everything from his energy and mood to sex and our relationship.


    šŸ’› In this episode, you’ll hear:

    • The early symptoms that made Xander realize something wasn’t right.

    • Why sobriety played a surprising role in recognizing his baseline energy.

    • What functional medicine actually is (and how it differs from traditional care).

    • Why many men never get tested for testosterone through primary care.

    • The problem with ā€œnormalā€ testosterone ranges in the U.S.

    • What lifestyle changes he tried first — and why they weren’t enough.

    • The different treatment options (creams, Clomid, injections) and how each felt.

    • What it’s really like to inject testosterone.

    • How his testosterone levels changed over time.

    • What it actually costs — and whether insurance covers it.

    • Honest answers to the most common fears and side effects.

    We get into the stuff men are usually too embarrassed to ask out loud.


    This isn’t medical advice. It is one person’s honest experience navigating low testosterone, functional medicine, and treatment options — the good, the uncomfortable, and the unexpected.


    šŸ”— Links & Resources

    ✨ Your relationship called. It wants a little more… fun.

    The Spark is our monthly cheat code for connection + intimacy. Connection questions, date nights, and a new position to try — delivered fresh every month for just $9!

    šŸ‘‰šŸ» Get your Spark back here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark



    Stay connected

    šŸ“ø Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

    šŸ’Œ Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

    šŸŽ§ Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!


    ==========================

    THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR

    ==========================

    Use code PILLOWTALKS at checkout to get 10% discount of the Tabu Sex Pillow āž”ļøŽhttps://vmtherapy.com/pillow

    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    29 January 2026, 12:00 pm
  • 49 minutes 29 seconds
    E244: How To Schedule Sex (our hot take)

    If the thought of scheduling sex makes you cringe a little… we get that a lot.

    You might be thinking..

    ā€œUgh. That’s so unromantic.ā€ or… ā€œNOT hot.ā€ or… ā€œIf we have to schedule it, something must be wrong with our relationship.ā€

    We’re here to today to give you our hot take on our favorite controversial relationship topic. And yes… we’re going to try to change your mind.

    In this episode, we’re breaking down the biggest myths about scheduling sex, what scheduled intimacy really means (and doesn’t mean), and the practical ways to make it feel exciting instead of like something else on your to-do list.


    šŸ’› In this episode, you’ll hear:

    • Why ā€œspontaneous sexā€ is one of the biggest myths we buy into.

    • How scheduling sex can actually reduce stress, pressure, and anxiety.

    • What scheduling can do for couples with mismatched desire (especially responsive desire).

    • Why having sex earlier in the evening can completely change your sex life.

    • How to build anticipation without feeling awkward or forced.

    • The ā€œbare minimumā€ approach that makes sex dates feel doable (even on low-energy days).

    • Why taking turns leading sex dates helps both partners feel cared for.

    • The simple mindset shift that turns scheduling sex into something you look forward to.

    Spoiler: scheduling sex doesn’t replace spontaneity. For many couples, it actually creates more of it.

    šŸ”— Links & Resources

    ✨ The Spark… because a little spark goes a long way

    We just launched a $9/month digital drop for couples who want to stay connected, curious, and very into each other — without overthinking it.

    Sweet dates. Spicy dates. Conversation starters. One new position each month. It’s kind of a no-brainer.

    šŸ‘‰ Check out The Spark right here : vmtherapy.com/spark


    Stay connected

    šŸ“ø Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

    šŸ’Œ Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

    šŸŽ§ Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!


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    22 January 2026, 12:00 pm
  • 59 minutes 41 seconds
    E243: Your Biggest Marriage Regrets (And How To Prevent Them)

    Most marriage regrets don’t show up as explosive fights. They show up quietly.

    Feeling more like roommates than partners.

    Wondering when sex started feeling complicated… or nonexistent.

    Noticing resentment creeping in and asking yourself… ā€œIs this just how marriage is supposed to feel?ā€

    In today’s episode, we’re getting into the marriage regrets and mistakes people hold close to their chests… but rarely say out loud.

    We’re sharing real stories pulled from Instagram, Reddit, and our own marriage, along with practical ways to prevent these regrets from becoming permanent patterns.

    Whether you’re married, partnered, or thinking about your future relationship, this conversation is for you.

    šŸ’› In this episode, you’ll hear:

    • Why not setting boundaries with extended family can quietly damage a marriage.

    • How rejection (real or imagined) can shut people down sexually — and what to do instead.

    • What happens when you lose your individual identity inside a relationship.

    • Why work, logistics, and kids so often crowd out connection.

    • How couples get stuck sexually when growth feels threatening instead of exciting.

    • Why ignoring sexual incompatibility doesn’t make it go away.

    • The underrated importance of fun — and what happens when it disappears.


    Ready For A Relationship Reset?

    And if this episode hits close to home, you’re not alone.

    We’ve had moments of doubt in our own relationship — and one of the most helpful things we’ve learned is the power of intentionally hitting refresh together, especially at the start of a new year.



    It’s not too late to join New Year, New Us: 21-Day Relationship Refresh.

    You only need 5 minutes a day (with the option to go deeper if you want).

    Here’s how it works:

    • Each week starts with a short audio lesson to set the theme.

    • You’ll get 21 daily reset questions — one per day — to reflect on individually, then share with your partner.

    • The focus is clarity, connection, and getting out of autopilot.

    We break it down into 3 weeks, 3 focus areas:

    • Week 1: Reflect on the past year together.

    • Week 2: Connection refresh — design your dream relationship.

    • Week 3: Sex refresh — reignite desire and intimacy.

    You can move at your own pace — and yes, you can still join.

    šŸ‘‰ Sign up now at https://vmtherapy.com/newyear


    Stay connected šŸ“ø Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

    šŸ’Œ Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

    šŸŽ§ Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

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    15 January 2026, 12:00 pm
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