Writing competitions. Clearly they’re not all made the same.

Some are free, some are costly, some are actually impossible for mere mortals to enter due to their criteria.

The prizes vary too. From small cash prizes, to publishing deals.

Today, we’re asking the question… on the whole, if you’re serious about being a writer… are they actually worth it? Are they worth the money, the - let’s face it – likely disappointment, the effort and most importantly of all… the time?

And the biggest question of all - are there any quantifiable things you can do to help nudge your entry to the top of the pile?

We consider such things as:

Where’s the best place to send your piece? Maybe a competition isn’t the right destination? Maybe it’s a literary journal instead?

We get some top notch insider insight, from Bath Flash Fiction Award past winner and judge - Kathryn Aldridge-Morris to get the skinny on what works and what doesn’t. What will wow the judges, what will make them spit their tea out and what will make them slide you into their shortlist.

https://www.kamwords.com

Plus we hear from fabulous literary agent Joanna Swainson from Hardman & Swainson, for an agent’s eye-view.

https://www.hardmanswainson.com

Finally, the winner of a competition who we suspect is quite glad she entered DFB & Arvon Search for a Storyteller prize, because it won her a publishing deal with David Fickling Books – Miranda Moore.

I can personally recommend her excellent YA book, A Beautiful Terrible Thing.

Yes, devastating & emotional, but also joyful & redemptive.

https://www.mirandamooreauthor.com

And speaking of competitions… look out next week for our BRAND NEW POETRY COMPETITION!

We’re too good to you.  Seriously. We are.

Lovely episode art by Katie Rand.

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Hang on... before we start... let us just fill you in on a very exciting evening happening on Monday the 6th of July, in Alton, Hampshire.

At 8pm in the lovely Goldfinch Books on Alton High Street, we are doing our first ever proper LIVE podcast.

Our guest will be the fabulous Costa-Novel-Prize-Winning Claire Fuller. We'll be talking about her brilliantly unsettling new book Hunger & Thirst and asking her all the questions you want to know the answers to but don't want to sound stupid. Whereas - we don't mind. We're used to it.

So come and join us in the flesh! I promise it's gonna be a reet proper laugh, as well, obviously, as being incredibly, edifyingly educational!

GET YOUR TICKETS HERE!

Right... on with the show...

Do you love sci-fi?

We love sci-fi.

Sometimes I think we forget how much we love sci-fi.

Why do we like sci-fi?

well let's explore that for a moment.

Hmmmmmm.

I think it's because sci-fi is all about human possibility. About the extrapolation of all our greatest qualities.

And yes, of course, our absolute worst.

Sci-fi gives us a glimpse into the future of the human race.

And none more so than Joseph Eckert's brilliant new book The Traveler.

A sort of family drama / sci-fi mashup that brings some big emotional hits and meanwhile taps into our deep curiosity about where this strange and wonderful species we call Homo Sapiens are heading.

We talk to Joseph about time travel, about where the stunning concept for his novel came from, about movie options, spending years trying to get a publishing deal, and about how you fit in writing when you have a full time job!

Buy The Traveler HERE

Joseph Eckert's website

Then we check out another sci-fi novel! In our HYPEWRITER feature, we're celebrating David Deane Haskell's latest work of science fiction: Solarian Deep.

A first contact, distant-future, flooded-planet, techno-mermaid story, which sounds great. In fact we strongly advise you to take the plunge and buy a copy!

Buy Solarian Deep HERE

Right... I think's that's all the admin done.... now... on with the show...

Do you love sci-fi?

We love sci-fi.

Sometimes I think we forget how much we love sci-fi.

Why do we like sci-fi?

well let's explore that for a moment.

Hmmmmmm.

I think it's because sci-fi is all about human possibility. About the extrapolation of all our greatest qualities.

And yes, of course, our absolute worst.

Sci-fi gives us a glimpse into the future of the human race.

And none more so than Joseph Eckert's brilliant new book The Traveler.

A sort of family drama / sci-fi mashup that brings some big emotional hits and meanwhile taps into our deep curiosity about where this strange and wonderful species we call Homo Sapiens are heading.

We talk to Joseph about time travel, about where the stunning concept for his novel came from, about movie options, about spending years trying to get a publishing deal, and about how you fit in writing when you have a full time job.

Buy The Traveler HERE

Joseph Eckert's website

Then we check out another sci-fi novel! In our HYPEWRITER feature, we're celebrating David Deane Haskell's latest work of science fiction: Solarian Deep.

A first contact, distant-future, flooded-planet, techno-mermaid story, which sounds great. In fact we strongly advise you to take the plunge and buy a copy!

Buy Solarian Deep HERE

Wait a minute...

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Come and see us LIVE!

We'll be at Alton Arts Festival on July the 6th, at Goldfinch Books, doing our thing in full colour, 4K, Ultra HD, real life.

There will be laughter. There will be genuine writing tips and insight from Costa Novel Prize Winner Claire Fuller. There will be a ditty or two. There will be give-aways, impromptu poetry and even Tom’s very-very-serious-wordy-writery-quiz-thing!

Get yer tickets here

Little warning, by the way. There are a couple of sweary-type words in this episode. So get ready to clap your hands around your children's ears! (unless you're driving… then maybe just listen on your headphones, eh?)

Our guest writer this week is the brilliant, funny and whip-smart writer & actor Ashley Storrie. We talk about performing stand up at the age of 11, writing fan fiction, her Mum - Janey Godley, autism, writing sitcoms & guest writing on projects, serendipity in art, and giving your characters a tough time. And I don't know if you can tell... but we really blummin enjoyed it.

And when you've heard Ashley, you'll also want to see her sitcom.

Because it's excellent.

Watch 'Dinosaur' here

And just when you thought all the glorious chatterage was over, Geoffrey G.N. Harrison goes and sends us a lovely little sci-fi story about DUST, for our Hypewriter feature.

Check out more of Geoff's stuff here

And if you've got some work you think should be celebrated in HYPEWRITER don't be shy! Send it to [email protected] and we'll bring it to glorious audio life and tell you why WE like it too!

Go on do it.

Do it now.

Well that's no excuse.

OK, but don't leave it too long, OK?

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We're doing a live podcast at Goldfinch Books in Alton on Monday the 6th of July, with the brilliant Claire Fuller.

Come and join us!

CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR TICKETS TO SEE US LIVE AT ALTON ARTS FESTIVAL!!!

So what do we have in today's episode?

An absolute treat, that's what.

Philippa Perry, agony aunt, psychotherapist, artist, self-help-book writer and now cosy crime author.

How the heck does she do it all? She must be either:

A) Some sort of magic fairy-person.

or B) An amazing human being.

Have a listen and I'll let you decide.

We talk about:

Failing and rejection.

How to develop meaningful relationships with your family and friends.

Writing for fun.

Cats.

Making your main character a sorta-kinda-loosely-based-but-actually-quite-similar version of yourself.

and of course Philippa's excellent new cosy crime novel, Shrink Solves Murder.

You can buy that here:

Buy Shrink Solves Murder

But also don't forget to buy the book that has changed Jon's life the most (in a good way!) :)

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read

Hell... buy 'em all... they're all great!

All the books!

OK. Is that it?

No!

It's HYPEWRITER, Silly. And this week we've got the opening of a hardboiled detective novel called No Saints Only Killers by Luke Deckard. (Released on the 10th of June)

Details below!

Luke's podcast Cinema Sleuths

Website: lukedeckard.com & Facebook

Photo of Philippa by Pal Hansen

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OK, so you've written something.

Well done. *light applause*

That's nice.

But the next stage - getting it out into the world... that's a really tricky bit.

However... one sure fire way of doing that, if you can't persuade some other mug to do it for you, is to blummin'-well slap on some grease paint, don some tights and perform it yourself, on what we call...

... the stage.

Well that's what Jon and his wife Katie did with their play How to be The Perfect Couple.

A project you may remember from earlier episodes (Such as S1 Ep10 - 30mins in - where Jon first reveals the logline of the show.)

And now....

Will you look at that!

Years later, the play has finally come to fruition and a tour is in progress.

If you like the sound of it, you can catch Jon & Katie at:

Alton Arts festival 10th July:

https://wegottickets.com/event/696218

Also at Buxton Fringe on the 14th 15th & 16th of July:

https://www.buxtonfringe.org.uk/descriptions2026.html

And at Seven Arts in Leeds on the 12th of September:

https://www.sevenleeds.co.uk/event/how-to-be-the-perfect-couple-2/

Have a listen to the episode and learn how it all went down, including the rather meta reveal of how Jon & Katie managed to stay a couple during the process.

And while we're on the subject of relationships..... we should mention Relate. If anyone's struggling with a relationship… and a massive amount of people do…  there are amazing resources available.

Relate offer relationship counselling at a reduced rates depending on household income. As well as other things like… sex therapy, family counseling, online courses and toolkits… all sorts. Life’s hard enough!  Don't just muddle on - Relate might be able to help.

https://www.relate.org.uk

And here are the books Jon & Katie recommend: (We promise you won't regret reading these!)

Getting the Love you Want

The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work

Philippa Perry's The Book You Want Everyone You Love to Read:

Also a massive THANK YOU! to Aaron Courts! Steve Salisbury & May King! David Lucas! and of course Kristof Mikes-Liu. We love you all.

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Oh, you've listened to this episode already and you'd like to cross our palm with gold?

Well, you're in luck.... Simply click HERE to show your appreciation in a pecuniary fashion

And speaking of fashion - take a look at our merch HERE

and THANK YOU!

Now... onto the less grubby business of writing...

and this week we're lucky enough to be joined by the excellent Gareth Rubin, a writer whose career caught our eye recently from, of all things, an article about pensions!

What do writers do about pensions when your income is so unpredictable?

Well... that introduced us to Gareth... who it turns out isn't just interesting about pensions!

No, seriously. I know that seems crazy, but it's true.

He's written some books that are right up our street. Books within books within books within books, tête-bêches, an officially estate-sanctioned Sherlock Holmes book, a choose your own adventure-type murder mystery! OK... now you can see why we had to talk to him.

Check out Gareth's website:

https://www.garethrubin.com/

Buy Gareth's books here:

https://www.simonandschuster.co.uk/authors/Gareth-Rubin/188678671

But that's not bloody all. Of course not!

Because our HYPEWRITER feature is BACK.

and this week we're celebrating the rather splendid Simon John Parkin.

Support a fellow writer by buying his excellent book of short stories (all 999 words!)

HERE’S Simon’s info - and he’s @sparkin.lit on instagram - That's a follow!

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Heeeey!

You’re back.

Well, that’s bloody joyful isn’t it?

Nice of you to join us again.

Now, let me ask you an impertinent question.

How seriously are you taking your writing this year?

The reason I ask is we’re looking at writing goals.  Last year’s first of all… see how we got on… and then… we’re all making new ones.  Yeah. You too.

Come join us in stating your targets and let’s keep each other accountable.

Send your writing goals to [email protected] and we’ll send you a little reminder of what they were at the end of the year, (plus an email of encouragement about halfway to keep you on track!)

Also don’t forget, if you’ve written something you’re proud of, share it with us!

Send roughly 1000 words to us, (either in a doc, or as a sound file) and we’ll celebrate your beautiful wordage on our regular feature HYPEWRITER.

Could be the start of your latest brilliant novel. Could be some flash you smashed. Could be a poem you wrote. Maybe some lyrics for the greatest song noone’s ever heard of, or could be a letter you wrote your ex-partner explaining why they need to stop calling you when they get drunk.

And a big shout out to www.paragraphplanet.com - you really should think about send them your finest 75 word flash fiction musings!!

Right. That’s the important stuff dealt with.  Now sit back and as Tom and Jon reveal how they got on with their targets last year!...

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Not long until we get this show back on the road!! Join us for season 6 when we interview some amazing writers, get stuck into some proper writing craft bits and bobs, and loads and loads and loads and loads and loads and loads more beside!!

Season 6 of the award-winning Failing Writers Podcast... coming sooooooon!!!!!

(Oh, and while you're here, check out our new merch store right here... https://the-failing-writers-podcast.teemill.com/)

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How do you give your readers everything they're looking for?

And your agent? You have to feed the beast don't you? (Is calling agents 'The Beast' too offensive?)

It's your job as a writer to offer up precisely what your readership is looking for. Anything else and you risk losing your commercial edge.

And we can't have that can we?

Oh we can?

Oh... OK.

We met up with the wonderful Doug Johnstone, to hear how he refuses to be pigeoned-holed, writes what he likes, and just so happens to say what he like too - and yes, by that, I mean he swears quite a lot.

Some great advice in this chat about the importance of loving what you write and worrying about it later. Plus lots of other entertaining advice too. Get it into your ear'oles now!

And a big THANKS to Scrivener for sponsoring this season of the podcast!

THANK YOU SCRIVENER!

If you haven't tried Scrivener, you can sample their lovely wares for free for 30 days.

OR you could just blummin well take our advice and buy a copy! and using our special code you can get 20% off!

I know. Mental.

You're welcome.

Just go to https://www.literatureandlatte.com/ and use the code failing.

Right. That's the Christmas presents sorted. Have a great festive celebration, happy new year and see you on the other side for Season 6!

Buy Doug's books

https://orendabooks.co.uk/authors/doug-johnstone

More Doug:

https://dougjohnstone.com/

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The second stop on our literary whistle stop tour of Edinburgh is The Writers Museum in Makars Court.

Focussing on the three writers generally considered to be the great Titans of Scottish Literature: Robbie Burns, Sir Walter Scott & Robert Louis Stevenson.

We have a wander round, read some poetry and look into why these fellas are so revered.

We also go on a literary pub tour and have a chat with actor Mike Daviot, who just so happened to be an absolute font of knowledge about poetry and the Scots language.

Turns out literary pub tours are one of our favourite kinds of tour! Now who could have guessed that?!

So hop on board the Failing Writers Tour Bus and join us for a fascinating, if admittedly wholly inadequate look at three of the greatest writers, not just of Scotland, but the world.

The Writer's Museum:

https://cultureedinburgh.com/our-venues/writers-museum

The Literary Pub Tour we enjoyed:

https://www.edinburghliterarypubtour.co.uk/

Tam o' Shanter:

http://www.robertburns.org.uk/Assets/Poems_Songs/tamoshanter.htm

Hopefully that's inspired you to take a closer look at the poems and novels of these absolute titans. More than that, maybe it's encouraged you to have a go yourself.

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Ahoy there, you weary word-wanderer. You found us. Finally!  Thank goodness.

Welcome to the Failing Writers Podcast. Think of us as your writing harbour.

Your safe haven.

Your Lighthouse.

Come and moor here for a while and have your brain de-barnacled by the glorious mind of poet Michael Pederson.

Writer, linguaphile, Edinburgh Makar and all-round inspirational wordsmitherizer.

And once you’ve been inspired… time to get involved and write something wonderful yourself.

But hang on… before you do… you might want to consider the fantastic writing software Scrivener? An app that makes writing novels, plays, screenplays, poetry and all the other stuff soooo much easier.

Plus we’ve got a special code you can use at https://www.literatureandlatte.com/store/scrivener to get yourself a majestic 20% off. Our little gift to you for being awesome.

FAILING

(That’s the code btw, I’m not just shouting FAILING! at you.  That would be mean)

And now you’ve listened to Michael, I’ll bet you want all his essential info?...

Yep. Thought so.

Insta:  @michaelpedersonoyster

Go see Michael live:

https://www.michaelpedersen.co.uk/events

Buy Muckle Flugga:

https://linktr.ee/muckleflugga

Buy Boy Friends:

https://linktr.ee/boyfriendsbook

Other stuff:

https://www.michaelpedersen.co.uk

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