🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You want to understand if domestic violence can affect your property or parenting outcome

• You've been told by a lawyer to "leave the family violence out" of your case

• You're scared raising coercive control or domestic violence will backfire on you in mediation

• You're confused by social media saying the courts ignore family violence

• Your ex is still using coercive behaviour even after separation

• You're heading into mediation or court and don't know how to bring it up

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, post-separation abuse, and the impact of these behaviours on children, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are unsafe or experiencing family violence, please reach out for support.

Support is available in Australia: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

This podcast provides general educational information about Australian family law only and is not legal advice. Laura is not a lawyer. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance tailored to your circumstances.

Episode Summary

Should you bring up coercive control and domestic violence in your family law case… or will it backfire?

If you've been online lately, you've probably seen wildly different opinions. Some people insist the courts ignore family violence completely. Others say the system is finally taking it seriously. And then there are the lawyers quietly telling clients to "just leave it out so we can settle." So who's right?

In this episode, Mum and I unpack how coercive control and domestic violence are actually treated in Australian family law right now and the recent appeal cases that show the courts are starting to listen. We walk through real 2023 and 2024 decisions including Burnell & Rockford, Lainhart & Elinson, Dejani & Dejani, and Sad & Raymond cases your lawyer may not have caught up with yet.

We talk about Section 4AB, Section 75, and Section 79 of the Family Law Act, why mediators sometimes forget you're still being coercively controlled while sitting across from your ex, and the very real "peace at any price" trap that costs people thousands in their settlement.

If you've been silenced, dismissed, or told it's not worth raising this episode is for you.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Coercive Control & Domestic Violence in Family Court: Should You Raise It?

01:00 – Meet Laura & Lynette: Family Law Mum & Daughter Duo

02:00 – Trigger Warning & Legal Disclaimer (Australia & Overseas)

03:00 – Why Social Media Gets Coercive Control So Wrong

04:00 – Why Lawyers Tell Clients to Leave It Out (And Why It's Wrong)

05:00 – Judge Best's Powerful Speech: "Soften Your Gaze"

06:00 – Why Both Parents Having Issues Doesn't Mean Equal Blame

07:00 – Section 4AB: The Family Violence Definition That Changed Everything

09:00 – Why Courts Now MUST Consider Family Violence Allegations

10:00 – The Old Kennon Case vs The New Law: What Changed

11:00 – Choosing the Right Lawyer When Domestic Violence Is Involved

12:00 – "Don't Raise It Or You Won't Settle" — The Lawyer Myth

13:00 – When NOT to Mention Family Violence in Property Mediation

14:00 – The Smarter Way to Negotiate Coercive Control in Mediation

16:00 – Parenting Cases: Why You MUST Raise Family Violence

17:00 – Lainhart & Elinson 2023: The Appeal Case Every Mum Should Know

18:00 – Section 60CC: Safety of Children Now Comes First

19:00 – Why Parents Don't Tell Lawyers the Full Truth (And Why You Must)

20:00 – Coercive Control in Parenting Cases Explained

21:00 – Counselling Orders: When the Court Mistakes Lip Service for Change

23:00 – False Alienation Claims: The New Coercive Control Tactic

24:00 – 50/50 Is No Longer the Default — Here's What Replaced It

26:00 – Free Divorce Webinar With Lynette (Family Law Specialist)

27:00 – Property Settlement: How Domestic Violence Affects Your Percentage

28:00 – Kennon & Kennon: The Original Family Violence Property Case

30:00 – Dejani & Dejani: When a Child's Health Issue Was Hidden

32:00 – Burnell & Rockford 2024: Coercive Control in Property Settlement

34:00 – Financial Abuse and PIN Numbers: What the Court Decided

35:00 – Why You Need These Cases at Your Mediation

37:00 – How Lawyers Use Cases as Negotiation Leverage

38:00 – Section 79 & Notice of Risk: The Mediation Framework

40:00 – Adding Percentage in Mediation Without Saying Why

41:00 – Why You Must Disclose Family Violence in Parenting Negotiations

43:00 – Settlement vs Court: The 10 Questions You Should Ask Yourself

44:00 – Why Mediators Forget You're Still Being Controlled

45:00 – How to Prove Coercive Control: Affidavits That Stand Up

47:00 – The Biggest Mistake: Peace at Any Price Mentality

48:00 – Why Post-Separation Abuse Often Gets Worse

49:00 – Don't Compromise on Children — Stand Your Ground

50:00 – Final Thoughts: It's Their Shame, Not Yours

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. How to Put Coercive Control Into Writing for Court

https://youtu.be/SIyXCGXH5nw?si=-7tLxmBpVQb2dNOv

2. Is It Family Violence? A Walk Through the Family Law Act

https://youtu.be/YCddFx9cs_Y?si=DbJU6ePYSxDZFrEn

3. Settling vs Going to Court: 10 Questions to Ask Yourself

https://youtu.be/gYpW3znoY28?si=pdg6wWbjMWttMH94

📚 Cases Mentioned (Take These to Your Lawyer)

• Burnell & Rockford (2024) — Coercive control and financial abuse in property settlement https://austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC2F/2024/468.html

• Lainhart & Elinson (2023) — Full Court appeal, Deputy Chief Justice McClelland — family violence in parenting https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2023/200.html

• Dajani & Dajani [2025] FedCFamC1A 28 (26 February 2025) — Hidden health issues in children and the impact on contributions https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/28.html

• Sayed & Rehmann [2025] FedCFamC1A 145 (21 August 2025) — Family violence and property contributions https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/145.html

• Kennon & Kennon — The original family violence and property settlement case (Section 75)

📰 Resources Mentioned

Article: "Judge urges profession to soften your gaze when dealing with domestic and family violence" — QLS Proctor, 27 March 2024 (Federal Circuit & Family Court Judge Hannah Cara Best) https://www.qlsproctor.com.au/2026/03/judge-urges-profession-to-soften-your-gaze-when-dealing-with-dfv/

Family Law Act 1975 — Sections 4AB, 60CC, 75, 79 https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s4ab.html

🆘 Links & Resources

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7 family violence support)

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

• Emergency – 000

• The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

• Free Webinar with Lynette (family law accredited specialist) — register at thedivorcecourse.com.au

If this episode helped you feel braver about raising coercive control and domestic violence in your family law matter, please follow, rate, review, and share the podcast it helps other people in coercively controlling situations find this information too. You are not alone, and you don't have to stay silent.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You're about to go through property settlement in divorce

• You're focused on the percentage but unsure what it actually means

• You're dealing with complex finances (trusts, companies, super, shares) or Simple Property Settlement

• You want to avoid making a financial mistake that costs you years

• You're wondering whether to take the house, cash, super or investments

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer & ⚠️ Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, and financial control, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are unsafe or need support: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

This podcast provides general educational information only and is not legal or financial advice. Please seek professional guidance tailored to your situation.

Most people going through property settlement are focused on one thing…

👉 What percentage am I going to get?

But here's what most people don't realise…

Two people can walk away with the same 50/50 split and end up in completely different financial positions.

Because it's not just about the percentage… 👉 it's about what that percentage actually looks like in your life.

In this episode, Mum and I sit down with financial planner Pedro Marin and break down the four key steps a financial planner takes during property settlement so you can avoid costly mistakes and actually set yourself up for your future.

We talk about everything from figuring out what's in your property pool, to deciding how to structure your settlement, to planning your future and finally, making sure everything is actually set up properly after the deal is done.

Because getting a settlement is one thing… 👉 making it work for your life is another.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Divorce Property Settlement: It's Not Just the Percentage 01:22 – Meet Financial Planner Pedro Marin 04:04 – Why Financial Planning Matters in Divorce 08:01 – Step 1: Mapping Your Property Pool in Divorce 10:46 – Trusts & Companies in Divorce Explained 12:46 – Step 2: How to Structure Your Property Settlement 15:41 – Cash vs Property vs Super vs Shares in Divorce 23:20 – Step 3: Planning Your Financial Future After Divorce 24:48 – Financial Advice Risks: What You Need to Know 25:32 – Setting Financial Goals After Separation 28:58 – When to Start Financial Planning in Divorce 32:41 – Using the Same Financial Planner as Your Ex 34:52 – Budgeting for Mediation & Property Settlement 37:30 – Step 4: Implementing Your Divorce Settlement 40:20 – Insurance, Risk & Protection After Divorce 43:49 – Wills, Estate Planning & Protecting Your Children 47:25 – Biggest Mistake: Emotional Decisions in Divorce 49:35 – How to Work With a Financial Planner (Pedro Marin) 51:19 – Final Takeaways & Legal Disclaimer

🎧 Additional Episodes Mentioned

• Weapons of Tax Destruction https://youtu.be/tsDlMphLRWk?si=1Fbpw7XJy9jxCK20

• Living Arrangements: Should You Keep or Sell the House? https://youtu.be/wknV5CB90yY?si=HGwH5m1AtXba5k7G

🔗 Links & Resources

• 🌐 Marin Wealth: https://marinwealth.com.au/

• 📥 Free Checklists: https://thedivorcecourse.com.au

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

If this episode helped you think differently about your property settlement, make sure you follow, rate, review, and share the podcast — because someone else out there needs to hear this before they make a costly mistake.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You're arguing over furniture or household items in divorce

• Your ex has taken everything or won't give anything back

• You've been told "you can't take anything if you leave"

• You want to avoid wasting money on legal fees over small items

• You're trying to work out what's actually fair vs worth fighting for

Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, and separation dynamics, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are unsafe, do not attempt to retrieve belongings alone.

This podcast provides general educational information only and is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance tailored to your circumstances.

What happens to all the "stuff" when you separate?

Everyone talks about the house, the bank accounts, and the kids… but no one really talks about the furniture, the appliances, the artwork and yes, even the toilet brush.

In this episode, Mum and I unpack what actually happens to household contents in a property settlement, and why these seemingly small things can end up causing some of the biggest fights.

We break down what the law really says (and what it doesn't say), whether it matters who paid for something, and why arguing over furniture can end up costing you far more in legal fees than the item is even worth.

We also walk through four practical ways to divide furniture based on your ex's personality type whether they're amicable, avoidant, high conflict, or controlling so you can sort it out without derailing your entire settlement.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Furniture in Divorce: Common Myths You Need to Know

01:40 – Safety, Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Warning

02:36 – What the Law Says About Furniture in Divorce

03:03 – Who Owns Furniture After Separation?

07:02 – Divorce and Possession: Who Keeps What?

07:41 – Myth: Do You Lose Furniture If You Leave the House?

09:45 – Cost vs Value: Is Furniture Worth Fighting Over?

11:32 – Emotional Furniture Fights in Divorce Explained

13:58 – Amicable Divorce: The Two List Method (Simple Solution)

16:24 – Avoidant Ex: How to Pack, Send & Move Their Stuff

18:54 – Shed Disputes & When to Get Legal Advice

20:54 – Free Divorce Resources You Can Use

21:43 – When to Move Out During Divorce (Timing Matters)

22:41 – High Conflict Divorce: Should You Sell Everything?

24:50 – Valuing Furniture in Divorce Negotiations

27:55 – Biggest Mistakes People Make With Furniture

31:11 – Don't Let Furniture Ruin Your Property Settlement

34:03 – Mindset Shift: It's Not About the Stuff

35:30 – Fresh Start After Divorce: Letting Go

39:47 – Final Takeaways: Fairness & Moving Forward

🎧 Additional Episodes Mentioned

• What About Their Stuff and Belongings? (Referenced when discussing how to handle an ex leaving items behind or refusing to collect them) https://youtu.be/T_tQUbhBxbQ?si=kt1ChMF08dquxgkr

Links & Resources

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

If this episode helped you rethink how to approach the "stuff" in your separation, make sure you follow, rate, review, and share the podcast so others can avoid getting stuck in the same fights.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You or your ex has a serious illness or disability

• You've been a carer during the relationship

• You have ongoing medical expenses

• You're worried about future financial support after separation

• You want to understand how courts assess health in property settlement

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and provides general information about Australian family law. It is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your circumstances.

What happens in a property settlement when serious illness is part of the story?

In this episode, Mum (a family law specialist and family lawyer) and I unpack one of the most emotional and often misunderstood areas of family law: how health issues, illness, and medical needs may impact your property settlement percentage.

Because when you're going through separation, you're not just dividing assets… You're also dealing with uncertainty, fear, ongoing treatment, and the reality of what life will look like moving forward.

We talk about what happens if:

• you cared for a sick partner for years

• you are the one who is unwell

• there are ongoing medical expenses

• or even if someone has a life-limiting illness

We break down how the court looks at contributions vs future needs, why simply saying "I'm unwell" isn't enough, and how these factors can actually shift the percentages in your property settlement.

If illness has played a role in your relationship on either side this episode will help you understand how the law approaches it, and what it might mean for you.

⏱️ Episode Timeline - Health and Divorce: How Illness May Affect Property Settlement Percentage

00:00 – Illness and Divorce: How Health Impacts Property Settlement

00:22 – Why Health Changes Everything in Divorce Outcomes

01:32 – Meet the Hosts & Divorce Episode Overview

01:57 – Real Story: Endometriosis and Divorce Costs

03:07 – Divorce Property Settlement Explained (Step-by-Step)

04:38 – Caring for a Sick Partner in Divorce: Does It Count?

07:43 – What If You're the Sick Partner in Divorce?

09:46 – Divorce and Spousal Maintenance: Your Options

11:37 – Life Expectancy & Divorce Future Needs Explained

15:47 – Medical Expenses, Kids & Divorce (NDIS Explained)

19:12 – Proving Medical Needs in Divorce Settlements

21:00 – Short-Term vs Long-Term Illness in Divorce

21:41 – Temporary vs Chronic Illness in Divorce Cases

23:34 – Open-Ended Spousal Maintenance in Divorce

24:46 – Remission, Recovery & Divorce Medical Evidence

27:43 – How to Prove Illness in Divorce Court

30:18 – Divorce Surveillance, Fraud Claims & Mental Health

32:48 – When Both Parties Are Sick in Divorce

33:34 – Financial Obligations After Divorce Separation

35:19 – Divorce Agreements: Risks You Need to Know

37:20 – Rapid Fire Divorce Questions About Illness

39:07 – Divorce Mediation Tips When Illness Is Involved

40:46 – The Emotional Reality of Illness in Divorce

42:15 – Final Thoughts: Advocating for Yourself in Divorce

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

1️⃣ Consent Orders vs Binding Financial Agreements - https://open.spotify.com/episode/5qgGhdAl5UaOo7LHb2Yf5Y?si=OFf8umvVQ7KAbzntw6AnVg

2️⃣ The Divorce Course (Program / Course Reference) www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

⚠️ Family Violence & Sensitive Content

This episode discusses illness, vulnerability, and complex family dynamics, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you need support in Australia: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and provides general information about Australian family law. It is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your circumstances.

If this episode helped you better understand how health can impact your divorce, please make sure to follow, rate, review, and share the podcast it helps others going through the same thing find this information too.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You feel like your ex knows things they shouldn't

• You suspect you're being tracked, monitored, or watched

• You're going through separation and worried about digital safety

• Your ex had access to your devices, passwords, or accounts

• You want to protect yourself and your children from tech-based abuse

What if your ex knew where you were… who you were talking to… and what you were saying — without you ever telling them?

In this episode, we're joined by Catherine Plunkett, Director of Safety Net Australia at WESNET, to unpack the growing reality of technology-facilitated abuse in relationships and after separation.

Because abuse doesn't always leave bruises.

Sometimes it looks like:

• your ex showing up where you are unexpectedly

• knowing things you never told them

• accessing your messages, accounts, or location

And increasingly, this is becoming one of the most common forms of domestic and family violence.

We break down what tech abuse actually is, how it happens, the warning signs to look for, and most importantly what you can do to protect yourself and your children.

If something doesn't feel right, this episode will help you understand what might be happening and what steps you can take next.

⏱️ Episode Timeline - Is Your Ex Watching You? Tech Abuse in Divorce Explained

00:00 – Is Your Ex Spying on You? Hidden Tech Abuse Signs

01:35 – What Is Tech Abuse? How It Works in Relationships

05:10 – How Common Is Digital Abuse After Separation?

06:52 – Tracking Apps, Spyware & How People Monitor You

12:06 – Warning Signs Your Phone or Accounts Are Compromised

16:20 – What NOT to Do If You Suspect You're Being Watched

18:00 – Digital Safety Checks & Getting the Right Support

20:33 – Safe Phones, New Devices & Protecting Your Accounts

23:12 – That "Alarm Feeling": Trusting Your Instincts

24:11 – Smart Homes & Hidden Tracking Risks You Didn't Expect

26:31 – Cars, GPS & How Vehicles Can Track You

27:45 – Digital Safety Checklist: Steps You Can Take Today

30:47 – How Kids Can Be Used in Tech Monitoring

35:20 – AI, Deepfakes & The Future of Digital Abuse

38:39 – Where to Get Help for Tech Abuse

41:17 – Your Right to Privacy and Safe Communication

42:27 – What Safety Net Australia Does for Victims

44:19 – Final Thoughts, Support & Next Steps

🔗 Links & Resources

• Safety Net Australia – https://techsafety.org.au

• eSafety Commissioner – https://www.esafety.gov.au

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14

⚠️ Family Violence Disclaimer

This episode contains discussion of family violence and may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are experiencing domestic or family violence, support is available: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and discusses general concepts. It is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your circumstances.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You've been told to attend mediation but feel unsafe agreeing to child care arrangements

• Your ex is pushing for 50/50 care and you don't believe it's appropriate for the kids

• You're dealing with substance abuse, family violence, or safety concerns and your child's safety

• You feel pressured to compromise at mediation when you don't want to

• You want to understand your options without giving in on safety

Have you been told you need to go to mediation, but you're worried about the outcome because you simply cannot budge when it comes to your child's safety?

Has your ex demanded 50/50 care, but deep down you know that arrangement isn't in your child's best interests right now?

We talk about how to approach mediation when you feel stuck, how to clearly communicate your concerns, and the practical options that may be discussed including supervised time, stepped arrangements, and drug and alcohol testing.

If you're feeling pressured, overwhelmed, or unsure how to stand your ground, this episode will help you navigate mediation with clarity and confidence.

⏱️ Episode Timeline -Refusing 50/50 Care? What to Do in Mediation When Your Child's Safety Comes First

[00:00] – Mediation With Safety Fears

[02:33] – What Mediation Really Is

[05:40] – Holding The Safety Line Why you don't have to agree to unsafe arrangements just to reach an outcome.

[06:37] – Define The Real Risks How to clearly identify and communicate your specific safety concerns.

[09:27] – What Courts Call Unsafe Understanding how the court views risk and safety in parenting matters.

[10:33] – Supervised Time Options Exploring supervised contact as a way to maintain relationships safely.

[12:56] – Choosing Contact Centres How supervised contact works and what to consider when selecting a centre.

[16:34] – Cutting Contact And Court Optics What happens if time is stopped altogether and how it may be viewed legally.

[18:43] – Stepped Parenting Orders Using gradual increases in time to build safety and trust over time.

[21:26] – Therapy Conditions And Pitfalls When therapy is suggested, what to watch out for and potential risks.

[23:06] – Drug And Alcohol Testing How testing can be used to address concerns and create accountability.

[26:25] – Costs And Waitlists The practical realities of supervision services and delays.

[26:45] – Paying For Supervision Who pays for supervised time and how this is handled.

[27:28] – Preparing For Mediation How to go into mediation feeling clear, confident, and prepared.

[28:13] – When They Refuse Supervision What to do if the other parent won't agree to safe options.

[28:48] – Best Interests Not 50/50 Why equal time is not automatic and must reflect the child's needs.

[30:40] – Court View On Refusal How the court may interpret refusal to compromise or engage.

[33:27] – Holding Your Safety Line Practical ways to stay firm without escalating conflict.

[35:17] – If Mediation Hits Impasse What happens when no agreement is reached and what comes next.

[38:17] – Costs Threats Reality Check Addressing fear around legal costs and pressure tactics.

[39:07] – Using Mediation For Property How mediation can still be useful even if parenting isn't resolved.

[43:16] – Authenticity And Support Staying grounded, supported, and focused during a difficult process.

⚖️ Family Violence & Legal Disclaimer

This episode contains discussion of family violence and may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are affected, please consider listening with support or contact: Lifeline (Australia): 13 11 14 1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732

This podcast is for educational purposes only and discusses general concepts in Australian family law. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your specific circumstances.

🔗 Helpful Resources

• 1800 RESPECT – National Domestic Violence Support

• Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14

• Relationships Australia (Supervised Contact Services)

• Parenting communication apps: OurFamilyWizard, AppClose

🎧 Recommended Episodes

• Mediation: What It Is (and What It Isn't) https://youtu.be/YvcWAYuG4QA?si=hSiXFvVDaFDV4J6v

• Understanding the Best Interests of the Child (Section 60CC) https://youtu.be/k4-QTbfW8XM?si=SDzN2cIzO4FtlMQu

• Mediation Series: How to Prepare and What to Expect https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=TqUcJvQzmd2MMNJc

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You are about to negotiate parenting orders or a parenting plan

• Your coparent is high conflict, manipulative or controlling

• You're worried they will twist agreements or exploit loopholes

• You're preparing for mediation or family court for parenting orders

• You want parenting orders that actually reduce future arguments

Family Violence & Legal Disclaimer

This episode contains discussion of family conflict and family violence which may be distressing for some listeners.If you are experiencing family violence or feel unsafe, please contact 1800 RESPECT (Australia) or your local domestic violence support service.

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Laura and Lynette are discussing general concepts in Australian family law. Every situation is different, and listeners should obtain independent professional guidance about their specific circumstances.

Episode Time Stamps: The Parenting Order Loopholes Your Ex Will Exploit (And How to Close Them)

00:00 High Conflict Co Parenting

01:59 Why Orders Need Clarity

05:10 Changing Orders Is Hard

07:03 Loophole 1 Communication Rules

11:53 Loophole 2 Last Minute Changes

14:12 Loophole 3 Handover Boundaries

20:14 Loophole 4 Extracurricular Conflicts

26:30 Loophole 5 Stop Trash Talking

28:04 High School Choice Traps

29:39 Private School Fee Fights

31:14 School Updates and Access

32:07 Kids Phones and Screen Rules

35:50 Passports and Travel Clauses

40:06 Medical Decisions and Info

44:34 Emergency Contact Requirements

46:27 Rosters Holidays and Ambiguity

50:07 Think About What Ifs

51:12 Wrap Up and Disclaimers

Helpful Resources

• Lifeline (Australia): 13 11 14

• 1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732

• Family Court of Australia resources on parenting arrangements

• Parenting communication apps: OurFamilyWizard, AppClose, Talking Parents

Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. 12 Agreements to Include in Parenting Plans

Referenced when discussing the main structure of parenting agreements before talking about loopholes. https://open.spotify.com/episode/6j325rOj96QvV8spPnYsX5?si=td4XlKQZSr6CXfCSm9H_bA

2. Handover Hell

Mentioned during the discussion about pick-up and drop-off conflicts and handover disputes. https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Pskjns3vZkLyv9FCefvxm?si=guIkwi1ITJuTOnshvpP9VA

3. Trash Talking

Referenced when discussing parents speaking negatively about the other parent around the children.https://open.spotify.com/episode/7bxqn5I6B1HCzO9r0zKnxY?si=nEH3splzQxSTBOUikJJHhA

4. Interstate Travel With Children After Separation

Mentioned during the travel and passport boundary discussion. https://open.spotify.com/episode/0auxUUS6QSh0ILcGHXbQgk?si=CmhYz74pSquyhTI2dgRMbQ

5. Tech Facilitated Abuse

Referenced during the children's phones, devices and monitoring discussion. COMING SOON

6. Sole Parental Responsibility

Suggested for listeners who want to understand decision-making authority around medical or school issues. https://open.spotify.com/episode/2O0VczmgtAPUrvcgJiF8HP?si=BM0nanlwTP6k67SMF8yg4g

Summary

Many parents believe that once parenting orders are made, the conflict will finally stop.

But the reality is court orders don't magically change behaviour.

If you are dealing with a high-conflict, manipulative, controlling or avoidant ex, poorly written parenting orders can become a playground for loopholes, misunderstandings and ongoing arguments.

In this episode of the Divorce Course Podcast, Laura and Lynette break down the most common loopholes people exploit in parenting orders and the practical boundaries you may want to think about before signing anything.

Because while parenting orders can't eliminate conflict entirely, clear boundaries can prevent many of the arguments before they even start.

You'll learn how to think about communication, handovers, school decisions, travel rules, technology, medical issues and more all through the lens of preventing future conflict.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You are separated but still living under the same roof as your ex

• You feel stuck in the house and don't know how to move forward

• You want to know what an ouster order is

• You want to understand sole occupancy

• Someone told you if you leave the house you will lose your rights to it

• You want to understand what you can legally do to create space after separation

• Your ex refuses to move out and you don't know what your options are

• You're wondering whether you can make your ex leave the house

• You're dealing with a manipulative, avoidant, high-conflict, or coercive control type ex

• You want to learn about trial separations, nesting, temporary arrangements, and sole occupancy orders You're worried about how staying under one roof is affecting you or your children

• You want practical strategies to move forward without damaging your property settlement

⚖️ Legal & Safety Disclaimer

This podcast provides general educational information only and is based primarily on Australian family law. It is not legal advice and should not replace advice from a qualified legal professional. Always seek independent legal advice specific to your circumstances.

This episode also discusses family violence and coercive control, which may be distressing. If you feel unsafe or need support in Australia, contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline (13 11 14), or call 000 in an emergency.

When a relationship breaks down, most people focus on the big things: the kids, the property settlement, and the future. But one of the most suffocating parts of separation is often the very first step — how do you stop living under the same roof as your ex?

If you're walking on eggshells at home, wondering whether you can leave, whether you'll lose your rights to the house, or whether you can legally make your ex move out, you're not alone. These questions come up for almost everyone navigating separation.

In this episode, Mum and I break down five realistic ways to create space after separation without damaging your property settlement. We talk about what you can legally do, what you absolutely shouldn't do, and the myths that keep so many people stuck living under one roof for far longer than they need to.

[00:00] – The Fear of Being Stuck in the House During Separation Why the family home becomes one of the biggest emotional pressure points in divorce, and why living under one roof with your ex can feel suffocating for you and your children.

[02:43] – What You Should NEVER Do During Separation Why throwing belongings outside, changing locks, cutting utilities, or intimidating your ex can backfire legally and even be considered family violence.

[04:44] – Divorce Myth: Do You Lose Your Rights If You Leave the House? Debunking one of the most damaging divorce myths that keeps people trapped in toxic living situations during property settlement.

[06:05] – Five Ways to Create Space After Separation An overview of the five realistic strategies couples use to stop living under one roof during divorce.

[07:45] – Option 1: Simply Asking Your Ex to Move Out When a calm, respectful conversation about separation can actually work and how to confirm agreements without escalating conflict.

[09:58] – Option 2: Creating a Temporary Living Arrangement How structured temporary agreements can help one partner move out while property settlement negotiations continue.

[13:16] – Option 3: Nesting or House Swapping for the Kids What "bird nesting" is, why some divorced parents try it, and the emotional and logistical challenges that often arise.

[18:47] – Option 4: The Trial Move-Out Strategy How trial separations can reduce confrontation and why temporary moves often become permanent.

[20:23] – Trial Separation Tactics That Reduce Conflict Why trial separations can help avoid high-conflict confrontations, especially with manipulative or controlling partners.

[21:06] – Why Many Partners Don't See Divorce Coming Why some people emotionally check out of relationships long before the separation conversation happens.

[22:47] – The Risk of Control and Financial Backlash After Separation How manipulative or controlling partners may react when separation becomes real.

[24:04] – Coercive Control and the 'Amnesia' Effect How distance from a controlling relationship can help you recognise patterns of manipulation you couldn't see before.

[25:40] – Ouster Orders and Sole Occupancy Explained When courts can legally order one spouse to leave the home during separation.

[27:59] – The Risks of Applying for Sole Occupancy Orders Why asking the court to decide who stays in the house can sometimes backfire.

[29:55] – Domestic Violence Orders Without Leaving the House How protection orders can sometimes be issued even when couples continue living under one roof.

[32:54] – Safety Planning and Support Resources Why separation can be a high-risk time and the importance of having a safety plan in place.

[34:12] – Common Divorce Myths That Keep People Stuck Debunking misinformation about living under one roof, property rights, and separation timelines.

[35:42] – Why Physical Space Makes Divorce Negotiations Easier How creating distance can improve mediation outcomes and reduce emotional conflict.

[37:41] – Final Takeaways: Moving Forward After Separation Why creating physical and emotional space is often the first step toward starting your new life after divorce.

Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

"I Really Want to Keep the House" https://open.spotify.com/episode/6TzW9skKgvO8fjm0gcFPRg?si=t9q2a8TRRS-x7FAWEfBS9g

"Five Out-of-the-Box Ideas to Keep the House in Property Settlement"https://open.spotify.com/episode/5RgIsTMGh7EBqqbAgIVQ5Y?si=CRxIPgc-Sm6gRvin285Q_A

"The Divorce Personality Types Quiz Episode" https://open.spotify.com/episode/4IPDOWvfPKsSrPaCvf7Se8?si=7LfUwX6OSa-ym_OOujCt5Q

"How to Create a Safety Plan" https://open.spotify.com/episode/5hMmTS99LaeUWOXSxKMx1D?si=Oh5NMylQRs2HWuVFDT6szg

Support Services (Australia)

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 National domestic, family and sexual violence support service.

• Lifeline – 13 11 14 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention service.

• Emergency Services – Call 000 if you are in immediate danger.

🎧 Listen to this episode if: You're unsure whether what you experienced was abuse You've heard the term "coercive control" but don't fully understand it You feel confused, guilty or constantly off balance in your relationship Negotiations during separation feel manipulative rather than constructive You're worried about how coercive control affects children You want clarity and validation around your experience This episode discusses family violence and may be triggering for some listeners. If you need support, please reach out to 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Lifeline (13 11 14). This discussion is general education only and not psychological or legal advice. ⏱️ Episode Timeline: When It's Not Just Conflict: How Coercive Control Shows Up in Divorce [00:00] – Is This Normal Conflict or Something More? [01:45] – Safety Disclaimer & Family Violence Support Services [02:35] – Why Naming Coercive Control Matters [03:35] – What Coercive Control Actually Is (Simple Definition) [04:32] – Patterns, Not Incidents: Why Abuse Isn't Always Obvious Why domestic violence is no longer viewed as isolated incidents but as ongoing patterns of behaviour that create harm over time. [05:35] – No Bruises, Still Harm: Emotional & Psychological Abuse Explained How gaslighting, micromanagement, silent treatment and financial control cause real psychological damage without visible injuries. [07:13] – How Do You Explain Coercive Control to Others? [10:03] – The Three D's: Disrespect, Disempowerment & Distortion A practical framework to identify coercive control behaviours in relationships and divorce negotiations. [11:09] – Disempowerment: Fear, Micromanagement & Loss of Autonomy How controlling partners create dependency, intimidation and fear of consequences — even without physical violence. [12:11] – Post-Separation Control: When Abuse Continues After Divorce Why coercive control often escalates during separation, mediation and family court proceedings. [13:59] – Disrespect & Double Standards in Abusive Relationships [16:27] – Distortion & Gaslighting: Rewriting Reality [18:48] – Narcissism vs Coercive Control: What's the Difference? Understanding the overlap between narcissistic traits and coercive control in emotionally abusive relationships. [20:09] – Seeing the Whole Pattern (Not Just One Argument) Why focusing on single incidents hides the broader pattern of domination and manipulation. [21:56] – How Coercive Control Impacts Children Why children are not just witnesses but victims in coercively controlled households — including hypervigilance and emotional harm. [24:22] – Protecting Children in Family Court How concerns about coercive control can be reframed as "alienation" — and why understanding legal narratives matters. [25:34] – One Safe Parent: The Protective Buffer for Kids [26:15] – Why It's So Hard to Leave an Abusive Relationship Financial dependence, fear, threats, trauma bonding and loss of autonomy explained. [27:56] – The Power Myth: Why Abusers Seem So Smart and Untouchable [28:54] – Trauma Bonding Explained The cycle of highs and lows that keeps people emotionally attached in abusive dynamics. [30:01] – Court Fears & Post-Separation Abuse Why people fear family court when coercive control continues through legal processes. [31:03] – Negotiation vs Control: The Simple Test How to tell the difference between genuine divorce negotiation and manipulation disguised as cooperation. [33:05] – The Three D's in Legal Tactics [34:15] – Legal Examples: Silent Treatment, Rigid Demands & Pressure Tactics Recognising micromanagement, unreasonable timelines, and threats dressed up as "legal process." [38:04] – Using Children to Maintain Control After Separation Excessive updates, micromanaging parenting decisions, and control disguised as "concern." [44:25] – Hold Onto Clarity: Documenting Patterns of Abuse Why writing things down helps counter gaslighting and protects your psychological stability during divorce. [46:37] – Legal Narratives & Gatekeeping in Court How coercive control can be minimised or reframed in legal settings — and why showing patterns matters. [48:12] – Hope, Support & Life After Coercive Control side. [49:06] – Workshop Resources & Next Steps 🔗 Resources Mentioned 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 Lifeline – 13 11 14 https://kirovapsychology.com.au/ (Melbourne workshops & resources) Previous episodes on: Mediation vs Manipulation https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=LOOTB_BwYJIQSmn9 Legal Abuse: https://youtu.be/h2Pu2MmbDxw?si=-HiUdJAfdvoMK8fL Alienation Allegations: https://youtu.be/g8ofj-Sp3n4?si=_0tX3XSweEMzYp6o Safety Planning https://youtu.be/R4M8Hr9cbh0?si=0XyklWL2VMwx_cmN

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

● Your ex's parents or extended family are texting, pressuring or negotiating on their behalf ● Grandparents are demanding time with your children ● You're being accused of owing money that was supposedly a "gift" ● You're dealing with coercive control through third parties ● You feel like you're negotiating with an entire extended family ● You're unsure what you legally have to respond to ● Your mediation agreements change after your ex speaks to their family ● You want clear boundaries and practical guidance during separation

If you are going through separation or divorce and suddenly your ex's family has become involved, this episode will help you understand what your responsibility actually is and where it ends.

In this conversation, Mum and I unpack what you legally have to respond to, what you can ignore, and how to protect your peace when outside pressure starts escalating conflict. We talk about grandparents family members negotiating property settlement, so-called "loans" during property disputes, mediation interference, coercive control via in-laws, and how to set boundaries without damaging your credibility.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, ganged up on, or unsure how to manage extended family pressure this episode is your permission slip to protect yourself.

Legal Disclaimer:This episode contains general educational discussion only and is not legal advice. We are based in Australia and laws differ between countries. Always seek independent legal advice tailored to your personal circumstances before making decisions.

Family Violence & Safety Trigger Warning Disclaimer This episode includes discussion of family violence, coercive control and high-conflict dynamics.If you are experiencing family violence, intimidation, harassment or feel unsafe at any time, please seek support immediately.

⏱️ Episode Timeline for When In-Laws Interfere in Your Divorce (What You Have to Respond To)

00:00 – Introduction: When Your Ex's Family Gets Involved What happens when parents, siblings or extended family step into your separation?

02:05 – How Family Dynamics Shift After Separation Why "blood is thicker than water" can suddenly feel very real.

05:35 – Do You Have to Respond to In-Laws Negotiating on Your Ex's Behalf? What you can ignore, what to document, and how to protect yourself.

08:10 – Grandparents' Rights Explained (Australia) When grandparents can see children and what your responsibility actually is.

14:15 – Gifts vs Loans in Property Settlement When a $100,000 "gift" suddenly becomes a claimed debt.

19:50 – Can Grandparents Demand Time If Your Ex Isn't Seeing the Kids? Understanding the best interests of the children and practical considerations.

24:20 – Family Members Pressuring or Manipulating Children How courts view this behaviour and what you can do.

27:10 – Divorce Mediation Agreements Changing After Family Influence Why outside pressure can derail settlements and how to manage it.

30:30 – Boundaries With Your Own Family During Divorce How to handle well-meaning but unhelpful advice and pressure.

31:45 – What You Can Control vs What You Can't Practical mindset shifts to protect your peace.

35:45 – "It's Not About Them" Why your focus must remain on you, your children, and your divorce case.

🔗 Links & Resources

● DIY Divorce Blueprint – Courses & Support www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol

● 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

● Lifeline – 13 11 14

Related Episodes:

● Trash Talking – What To Do When Your Ex Badmouths You ● 10 Boundaries for a Healthy Divorce ● How to Create a Safety Plan ● Dealing With Narc Lies in Court ● When Your Ex Lies in Court

Closing Reminder

Divorce is hard enough without feeling like you're negotiating with an entire extended family.If this episode helped you feel clearer, calmer or more confident about setting boundaries during separation, please follow, rate and review the podcast. Your support helps more women find grounded, practical information when they need it most.And remember you are not responsible for managing everyone else's emotions.This is not about them.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You feel overwhelmed and don't know what the steps of the divorce process are

• You're separated (or thinking about separating) and want clarity on what happens next

• You're stuck in negotiations or dealing with a stonewalling, avoidant or controlling ex

• You want to understand mediation, arbitration, court filings, interim hearings and trials

• You're self-represented and need a clear, realistic roadmap of the family law process

• You want to feel calmer, in control, and informed about the journey ahead

• You're already in the court system and want to know what the upcoming stages really mean

• You want to avoid panic, surprises and fear of the unknown

If you're going through separation, divorce or a parenting/property dispute in Australia, this episode will walk you through every major step in the family law process from the moment of separation all the way to a final hearing.

No jargon. No fear. No overwhelm. Just a clear explanation of what you may face and how long things typically take.

We break down how to negotiate, when mediation works (and why it fails), what arbitration actually is, how to use deadlines and case law to manage a difficult ex, when court becomes necessary, what happens at each court stage, and how to avoid getting stuck for months or years.

Whether you're at the very beginning or already halfway through, this roadmap will help you feel grounded and prepared.

📌 LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This episode is general education only — not legal advice. Always seek independent legal advice for your specific situation.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Divorce Roadmap Overview: What to Expect From Separation to Trial A complete explanation of the stages ahead and why understanding the process matters.

00:38 – Meet the Hosts + Education-Only Disclaimer Why we give information, not advice — and how to use the episode wisely.

01:59 – Why Your Separation Date Matters (Especially Under One Roof) How timelines, contributions, and financial outcomes are affected.

03:45 – DIY Negotiations: Why a 'Signed Paper' Isn't Enough The trap so many people fall into — and how it can cost you later.

05:28 – Consent Orders & Financial Agreements Explained What makes an agreement legally binding and what the court checks for.

06:59 – Parenting vs Property Mediation: How They Work & How to Prepare Why combining both in one day often backfires.

10:55 – After Mediation Fails: Arbitration, Offers & Partial Agreements How to keep momentum instead of getting stuck.

13:28 – Stonewalling & Delay Tactics: Deadlines, Notice to File & Case Law Strategies to shift an avoidant or controlling ex.

19:03 – Filing in Court: What Documents You Need & What They Mean Affidavits, financial statements, notices of risk and more.

20:47 – Should You File Parenting & Property Together? The advantages and pitfalls.

22:03 – Using Court Filings as Negotiation Leverage Why an initiating application often triggers settlement.

23:11 – First Court Event Explained (It's Not a Trial!) What registrars do, what decisions they can make, and what they can't.

23:43 – PPP500 & Evatt List: What These Court Pathways Mean for You Faster lists for smaller pools and family violence matters.

25:52 – Interim Hearings: Urgent Parenting & Property Issues When the court steps in early.

28:02 – Court-Ordered Mediation: Reality Checks & Settlement Pressure The moment many cases resolve.

31:35 – Readiness Hearing: Preparing for Trial Final directions, valuations, and evidence.

33:11 – Final Trial: What Actually Happens in the Courtroom Cross-examination, timelines, outcomes and appeals.

36:37 – Big Picture Strategy: Stay Focused on Your Stage Why thinking too far ahead causes overwhelm.

40:09 – Costs Orders & Legal Abuse The consequences for bad behaviour in litigation.

41:58 – Wrap-Up: Tell It to the Judge + Course Info & Outro

🔗 Links & Resources

✨The Course: https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol ✨ Courses & Free Support Resources: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

💛 Support Services 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 Lifeline – 13 11 14