Have you ever found yourself taking your child’s behavior personally, getting defensive, or reacting in a way you wish you could take back? Today, we’re talking about how the Gottman Institute’s Four Horsemen of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling can show up in our parenting, why our kids’ emotional development means we have to take the lead when it comes to navigating conflict, and how much they learn from the way we handle hard moments. We’re not going to get it right every time, but becoming more aware of our patterns can help us model healthier communication, repair, and relationships for our kids.

Key Topics Covered

• Why criticism can feel like an attack or humiliation to a child
• How to tell the difference between taking a break and stonewalling
• Why self-regulation has to come before trying to coach your child through a conflict
• How to soften the start-up and communicate your feelings more clearly
• The importance of taking responsibility and modeling a genuine apology

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

AMAZON STOREFRONT: https://amzlink.to/az0BrkLl5pX9u

MOMCOZY: 20% off with code HERSELF https://momcozy.com/ 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

We’re so excited to welcome Dr. Marisa Franco back to the podcast for the third time to talk about something so many of us struggle with: feeling worthy. We’re diving into why simply telling ourselves to “love ourselves” doesn’t always work, how our past experiences continue to shape the way we see ourselves today, and what it can look like to meet ourselves with more understanding instead of trying to force ourselves to feel differently. We also talk about how our own self-worth impacts the way we show up for our kids and how we can help the next generation build a healthier relationship with themselves.

Key Topics Covered

• Why insecurity can actually be an adaptive response
• How attachment theory can become another form of perfectionism
• Why some people struggle to receive compliments
• The connection between self-worth, memories, and our emotional responses
• How to recognize, regulate, and respond to difficult emotions

CONNECT WITH DR. MARISA FRANCO:

Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmarisagfranco 

Check out her website: https://drmarisagfranco.com/ 

Pre-order Marisa’s new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment here: https://amzlink.to/az0RRIqPA4gxb

Listen to her past episodes on HERself: 

59. The Challenge and Triumphs of Adult Friendships https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/herself/id1489878793?i=1000505703230 

314. Attachment Styles in Adult Friendships https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/herself/id1489878793?i=1000739104904 

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

SITKA SEAFOOD: Visit https://sitkaseafoodmarket.com/pages/herself for $35 Off + free salmon burgers for a year with a continuous subscription. The code HERSELF25 should auto-apply when using this link

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

What do you do when you and your partner keep having the same fight over and over again? Learning how to navigate those gridlocked arguments can help you stop spinning your wheels and start finding a way forward, even when you don’t see eye to eye. Today, we’re breaking down practical ways to approach these recurring disagreements, including how to look beneath the surface of the argument, stay connected when you don’t agree, and find a livable solution together. Because sometimes the goal isn’t to finally agree, but to learn how to handle the disagreement in a healthier way.

Key Topics Covered:

• Why some relationship conflicts are unsolvable
• How childhood experiences can shape the way we handle conflict
• Why vulnerability can help you break out of a cycle of defensiveness
• How to find common ground when you disagree
• What to do when pushing for a solution isn’t working

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships, but it's rarely about the money itself. This week, we unpack why couples get stuck in the same financial arguments, how our childhood experiences and money beliefs shape the way we spend and save, and what it really takes to get on the same page with your partner. We also share practical ways to have healthier money conversations, better understand each other's financial habits, and build a stronger partnership instead of keeping score.

Key Topics Covered:

• The four common money personalities and how they influence financial decisions
• Why regular money check-ins help couples stay connected and avoid resentment
• How financial anxiety can show up as overspending, oversaving, or avoiding money altogether
• The impact of lifestyle creep, comparison, and keeping score in a relationship
• Four simple questions to uncover your own money beliefs and start better conversations with your partner

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

MOMCOZY: 20% off with code HERSELF https://momcozy.com/ 

GOTTMAN INSTITUTE ARTICLES ABOUT MONEY: https://www.gottman.com/blog/money-bankrupting-marriage/

“MONEY MAPS” FROM THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE: https://www.gottman.com/blog/arguments-money-arent-money/ 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Resetting a tough day doesn't always require a complete restart. Sometimes it's about catching an unhelpful thought, asking for what you need, or making one small change that shifts your momentum. Today we're sharing five simple ways we turn our own days around when we're feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or stuck, along with real examples from our lives that have helped us respond differently. If you've ever felt like a bad morning means the whole day is ruined, this conversation is for you.

Key Topics Covered:

• How to identify and reframe unhelpful thought patterns before they spiral
• Why taking one small action today is more powerful than waiting for tomorrow
• How clearly communicating your needs can reduce resentment at home
• Simple ways to build momentum by changing your environment or routine
• How gratitude and remembering you're on the same team can shift your perspective

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Feeling like yourself again often starts with zooming out instead of chasing the latest wellness trend. In this conversation, we sit down with Nurse Practitioner Carmen Stansberry to explore the bigger picture of women's health that focuses on the  idea of longevity vs a quick fix. We cover everything, from finding the right healthcare provider to understanding hormones, inflammation, sleep, and the daily habits that have the biggest impact over time. If you've been wondering where to start when you don't feel your best, this conversation offers practical guidance to help you make informed decisions and focus on what truly moves the needle.

Key Topics Covered:

• How to find a qualified healthcare provider who looks at the full picture instead of offering quick fixes
• What heart rate variability (HRV) can reveal about stress, hormones, and overall health
• The truth about peptides, GLP-1s, and why personalized care matters
• How inflammation affects aging and simple ways to reduce it through everyday habits
• What to know about hormone therapy, hair health, collagen, and protein as you get older
• The best longevity tips for women

CONNECT WITH CARMEN:

Follow Carmen on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carmen.stansberry.np 

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF

MARY RUTH HAIR SUPPLEMENT: https://amzlink.to/az0kELnE6fNiV 

Check out episode 342: Our Unfiltered Thoughts About Turning 40, where we talk about aging and our thoughts on it: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/herself/id1489878793?i=1000772765470 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Summer can be one of the most fun seasons of the year, but it can also leave us feeling stretched thin. Today we're talking through the biggest sources of overwhelm our community is experiencing right now, from changing routines and packed schedules to messy houses and the pressure to make summer feel magical. We share simple mindset shifts and practical strategies that can help us adjust our expectations, focus on what matters most, and create a summer that actually works for our families.

Key Topics Covered:

• How to create consistent routines even when every week looks different
• Creative ways to make summer logistics easier, including carpools and sharing responsibilities with other families
• Why boredom can be a gift and how to encourage kids to solve it on their own
• How to find a balance between planning enough and overscheduling your family
• Letting go of guilt and remembering that kids often treasure the simplest moments most

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

AMAZON STOREFRONT: https://amzlink.to/az0BrkLl5pX9u

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Marriage doesn't just bring two people together. It also brings together different families, expectations, traditions, and experiences. Today we're talking honestly about some of the most common challenges that come with in-law relationships, from feeling the weight of comparison to navigating boundaries and unmet expectations. While we can't solve every complicated family dynamic, we hope this conversation reminds you that your feelings are valid, you're not alone, and you and your partner can work together to build the family culture you want.

Key Topics Covered:

• Why comparison between grandparents is natural and how to appreciate different ways of showing love
• How healthy boundaries protect relationships instead of damaging them
• Ways couples can stay united when navigating difficult family dynamics
• Practical ideas for handling extended visits, grandparent favoritism, and differing expectations
• Why speaking up gives family members the opportunity to make positive changes

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

Join us at Tricky Foods in Madison, WI on Thursday, July 30th for Moms’ Night Out! Learn more and get your ticket here: https://www.herselfpodcast.com/shop/p/herself-moms-night-out-1 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Whether you're climbing the corporate ladder, building a business, negotiating a raise, or wondering if it's time for a career change, this conversation is full of practical advice for every stage of your professional journey. We sit down with leadership coach and Growth Inc. founder Colleen Bordeaux to talk about redefining success, advocating for yourself, navigating burnout, and building a career that actually fits your life. If you've ever felt overlooked, stuck, or unsure of your next step, this episode will help you approach your career with more confidence and clarity.

Key Topics Covered:

• Why asking for a raise starts with owning your value
• How leadership requires letting go of perfectionism and control
• Questions to ask when you're deciding whether to stay or leave your current role
• Why your career doesn't have to follow a traditional path
• A different way to think about burnout and creating a more fulfilling career

CONNECT WITH COLLEEN:

Growth, Inc. Instagram (@growthincubator): https://www.instagram.com/growthincubator 

Colleen’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/colleenbordeaux 

TikTok: https://www.instagram.com/growthincubator 

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

FORAGE KITCHEN: Check out your nearest location

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

Grab a copy of the book The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level: https://amzlink.to/az0I8iLhyyJIL

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

When it comes to dating your spouse, how often should you actually be going on dates? We started asking ourselves that question and quickly realized the answer depends on your relationship, your season of life, and what helps you feel connected. We share how our own approaches to dating have evolved over the years, from weekly nights out to low effort basement dates and small moments of connection throughout the week. We also dive into the research on dating your spouse, debate what actually counts as a date, and talk about why regular check-ins matter more than following someone else's rules.

Key Topics Covered:

• The research behind dating your spouse, including the "gold standard" of weekly dates and the 2/2/2 method.
• Why Amy and Drew and Abby and Colin have completely different dating styles, and how their needs have evolved as their kids and schedules have changed.
• The debate over whether group dates count as dates and why couples may have different definitions of quality time.
• How to have honest conversations with your partner about feeling connected, sharing the mental load, and getting on the same page.
• Why meaningful connection can happen in everyday moments and does not always require elaborate plans or expensive nights out.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

FORAGE KITCHEN: Check out your nearest location

AMAZON STOREFRONT: https://amzlink.to/az0BrkLl5pX9u 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Growing up as millennials, we were often told not to be too loud, not to ask for help, and to push our feelings down. Attachment therapist and author Eli Harwood joins us to unpack how our upbringings shaped us and how we can break generational cycles as parents. Eli opens with a powerful reframe: our parents truly did the best they could with what they knew. From there, we dive deep into what childhood trauma actually looks like (and why so many of us don't recognize it as trauma), how to build resilience in our kids, and why the way we parent almost always traces back to how we were parented. Whether you struggle with patience, saying no, or knowing when to discipline versus when to have a conversation, Eli offers practical, connection-focused tools to help us show up differently for our kids.

Key Topics Covered:

• What secure attachment looks like and why Eli centers her work on connection and relationship rather than control and behavior.
• How to identify the childhood experiences you may be carrying into adulthood without realizing they are traumas.
• Finding the middle ground between raising independent kids and raising kids who feel safe asking for help.
• The number one predictor of long-term resilience in children and how to actively foster it.
• Why millennial parents may struggle with patience, and why the birthing parent often has less of it than their non-birthing partner.
• Punishment versus conversation: how to rethink your approach when your child does something wrong.
• Why saying no feels so hard for millennial parents and what to do if you want to change that pattern.

CONNECT WITH ELI:

Instagram & Threads (@attachmentnerd): https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/attachmentnerd

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@attachmentnerd

Get Your Copy of Eli’s Book: https://amzlink.to/az09tHmrRU6NT 

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.