Growing up as millennials, we were often told not to be too loud, not to ask for help, and to push our feelings down. Attachment therapist and author Eli Harwood joins us to unpack how our upbringings shaped us and how we can break generational cycles as parents. Eli opens with a powerful reframe: our parents truly did the best they could with what they knew. From there, we dive deep into what childhood trauma actually looks like (and why so many of us don't recognize it as trauma), how to build resilience in our kids, and why the way we parent almost always traces back to how we were parented. Whether you struggle with patience, saying no, or knowing when to discipline versus when to have a conversation, Eli offers practical, connection-focused tools to help us show up differently for our kids.

Key Topics Covered:

• What secure attachment looks like and why Eli centers her work on connection and relationship rather than control and behavior.
• How to identify the childhood experiences you may be carrying into adulthood without realizing they are traumas.
• Finding the middle ground between raising independent kids and raising kids who feel safe asking for help.
• The number one predictor of long-term resilience in children and how to actively foster it.
• Why millennial parents may struggle with patience, and why the birthing parent often has less of it than their non-birthing partner.
• Punishment versus conversation: how to rethink your approach when your child does something wrong.
• Why saying no feels so hard for millennial parents and what to do if you want to change that pattern.

CONNECT WITH ELI:

Instagram & Threads (@attachmentnerd): https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/attachmentnerd

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@attachmentnerd

Get Your Copy of Eli’s Book: https://amzlink.to/az09tHmrRU6NT 

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

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Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Abby's 40th birthday served as the perfect launching pad for an honest conversation about aging and all the feelings that come with it. With most of our 30s spent raising kids, we are stepping into this new decade with a fresh perspective, and we're keeping it real about the insecurities, the mindset shifts, and the things we actively do to feel and look our best. We also explore the power of having older women in our lives as role models, share a meaningful mantra from Abby's grandma, and wrap up with a reminder that making peace with aging is so much easier when you're surrounded by people who own it unapologetically.

Key Topics Covered:

• Finding your personal balance between embracing aging and doing the things that make you feel confident and youthful.
• How dressing for your changing body can support a more positive relationship with it.
• The reality of working out as you get older, including injuries and setbacks, and knowing you're not alone in facing them.
• Why surrounding yourself with people who are unapologetic about their age can shift your entire outlook.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

Patreon Book Club: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

Hair Supplement: https://amzlink.to/az0kELnE6fNiV

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

As parents, control feels like protection. It feels like we can prevent our kids' mistakes, soften their pain, and steer them away from decisions that might hurt them. But here's the truth: control protects us, not the relationship. In this episode, we sit down with board-certified child psychiatrist Dr. Willough Jenkins to talk about one of the trickiest parts of parenting: helping our kids navigate friendships. 

In this episode:

• Is it developmentally normal when kids suddenly want to drop a friend?
• How to support a child with an anxious attachment style when friendship gets hard.
• When (and whether) to get the other kid's parents involved.
• What to do when your child is hanging out with kids who don't bring out their best and being honest that our kids aren't always angels either.
• How to handle mean girl dynamics if you have a daughter going through it.
• Signs that your child may genuinely struggle with making friends, and what you can actually do about it.
• Tactics for staying a safe, trusted place your kids will actually come to when friendship gets tough.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

Follow Dr. Willough on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drwilloughjenkins/

Dr. Willough’s Website: https://www.willoughjenkins.com/

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Summer is coming, and this episode is your permission slip to get intentional about it. We're sharing hard-won lessons about summer parenting, starting with the power of identifying your stressors and expectations early so everyone in your household can thrive. From navigating screen time without the extremes, to hiring a summer nanny with clear goals, to making sure whoever is caring for your kids understands your priorities around food and nutrition, we cover the practical stuff. Amy gets personal about a scary moment with her youngest last summer that became a powerful reminder of why simple safety measures matter so much. The heart of this conversation is one big, clarifying question: what does a successful summer actually look like for your family?

Key Topics Covered:

• Abby's reminder to leave room for spontaneous fun and why those unplanned moments often become your kids' favorite summer memories
• How to set your nanny up for success by communicating your goals and food standards from the start
• A reframe on screen time as a helpful tool rather than something to fear or eliminate
• Amy's personal story about her son's accident and the simple safety precautions that made all the difference
• How to define your top summer priorities, because not everything can be treated as equally important

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

In this "Greatest Hits" episode we revisit one of our most impactful conversations with child development expert Claire Lerner. As parents who have personally navigated the challenges of raising children who don't respond to traditional gentle parenting approaches, we share how isolating and exhausting that experience can be and how Claire's expertise changed everything. Claire breaks down why some kids are simply wired differently, explains that challenging behaviors aren't manipulation but rather a need for boundaries and support, and offers practical strategies for helping children self-regulate. From rethinking timeouts to surviving big family gatherings, this episode is a must-listen for parents of strong-willed or highly reactive kids.

Key Topics Covered

• Why some children are "wired differently" and don't respond to gentle parenting.
• Understanding child behavior — why kids act out and what they actually need.
• Claire's concept of the "safe space break" as a modern alternative to timeouts.
• How to help children self-regulate during moments of aggression toward others.
• Managing big family gatherings and holiday triggers for highly reactive kids.
• How to talk to family members and teachers about your child's unique needs.
• The importance of community and reducing parental isolation and burnout.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

Meet Claire.

Visit Claire's website. 

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

HERSELF AMAZON STOREFRONT: https://amzlink.to/az0BrkLl5pX9u 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Life in your 40s can hit hard, and if you're feeling the weight of it all right now, you are not alone. In this episode, Abby gets real and personal about a difficult situation she's been navigating with one of her kids, and how the stress of it has started to feel like so much more than just "situational anxiety." Between caring for our families, keeping up with the house, showing up at work, and being everyone else's emotional rock, it can feel impossible to also take care of ourselves. But here's the thing: it IS possible, and it looks different for everyone.

Key Topics Covered:

• What situational anxiety actually is and how it can slowly start to feel all-encompassing.
• Why our 40s often bring a wave of hard life events, for us and the people we love most.
• Amy's observation about why Abby handles stress better than almost anyone she knows.
• The difference between situations we can't avoid and ones where we actually do have a choice.
• Practical things we do to take care of ourselves when life feels overwhelming.
• Why our brains crave predictability and what to do when life refuses to give us that.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

INFRARED SAUNA: https://amzlink.to/az05Rg8T8ZNO5 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

What does it really take to create lasting behavior change, especially in the middle of busy motherhood? In this conversation, our friend and behavior change expert Karin Nordin shares a refreshing, research-backed approach rooted in compassion rather than discipline. Drawing from her background in health communication and her own personal struggles, Karin breaks down why traditional advice around habits often falls short and what to focus on instead. This episode offers a practical and realistic framework for moms who want to follow through on their goals without burnout, all while embracing a more flexible and sustainable way to create change.

Key Topics Covered:

• The trampoline metaphor and how it helps reframe all-or-nothing thinking.
• Why the word “habit” may be overemphasized and commonly misunderstood.
• The difference between discipline and conscientiousness and why it matters.
• Real-life examples of what qualifies as a habit and what does not.
• Coaching strategies for implementing a consistent morning workout routine.
• How to approach changes in eating patterns without relying on restrictions.
• What a ritual check-in is and how to use it effectively.
• Why routines should stay under 30 minutes.
• The shift from focusing on consistency to prioritizing frequency.

Get your free Procrastination resource here: https://bodybrainalliance.com/herself

Follow Karin on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karinnordinphd/

Karin’s Website: https://bodybrainalliance.com/

For more information on Karin's programs: bodybrainalliance.com/change-academy

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

What actually creates deep, meaningful friendships? In this episode, we explore the idea of radical honesty and why it might be the missing piece in your closest relationships. Inspired by a therapist’s take and rooted in Amy’s long-held belief, we unpack what it really means to show up truthfully with the people in your inner circle. 

Key Topics Covered:

• Why radical honesty is essential for deeper friendships.
• The impact of people pleasing on adult relationships.
• Navigating anxious attachment and overthinking.
• Recognizing and breaking co-dependent patterns.
• The role of tone and delivery in honest conversations.
• Simple, practical one-liners to start being more honest today.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

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Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Long-term relationships often come with recurring challenges that don’t fully resolve, no matter how many times you revisit them. In this episode, we open up about the patterns that keep resurfacing in our own relationships and what it looks like to navigate those tensions with more awareness and intention. From communication differences to division of responsibilities, we share how we’re learning to approach these sticking points differently, including adjusting expectations, asking for what we need, and recognizing when support might need to come from outside the partnership.

• Differences between verbal processing and internal processing in communication.
• Navigating humor versus emotional support in sensitive moments.
• The tendency for partners to jump into problem-solving mode.
• Identifying when to lean on friends or therapists for deeper support.
• Perceived imbalance in household and family responsibilities.
• The role of recognition and appreciation in partnerships.
• Gaining perspective through shared experiences and role reversal.
• The added strain of parenting a child with special needs on a relationship.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

Listen to Episode #333: Our Holy Grail Advice for Relationships : https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/333-our-holy-grail-advice-for-relationships/id1489878793?i=1000761069923

HERSELF AMAZON STOREFRONT: https://amzlink.to/az0BrkLl5pX9u 

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Reflecting on the past ten years feels especially meaningful as Abby turns 40 and we both hit a decade of motherhood. While there’s no version of the last ten years where everything would’ve been done “perfectly,” there’s so much growth, perspective, and beauty in what we’ve learned along the way. This conversation is your reminder to look back on your own journey with a glass-half-full mindset because you’re likely doing better than you think. From redefining rest and challenging the idea that your best years are behind you to letting go of the “start next week” mindset, we’re sharing the lessons that have shaped us and the ones we wish we had embraced sooner.

Topics We Cover:

• Why rest doesn’t have to be earned and how to actually make time for it.
• Letting go of the “work for the weekend” mindset.
• The reality of building meaningful, trustworthy friendships in your 30s and 40s.
• Why “starting next week” isn’t a strategy.
• Abby’s journey with binge eating and the importance of starting now.
• The reminder that it’s never too late to change your habits or lifestyle.
• Honest reflections on early motherhood and what Amy wishes she knew.
• The power of asking for help and leaning on your support system.
• Simple resets, including the impact of a 20-minute break.
• Real-life topics like period cups and navigating everyday womanhood.
• Encouragement to reflect on your own growth over the past decade.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

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Shark Cordless Vacuum Affiliate Link:

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Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

This week, we’re answering your questions straight from Instagram, and a clear theme emerged: relationships. From navigating constant arguments after the kids go to bed to figuring out how to move forward when you and your partner feel completely out of sync, we’re sharing honest insights, personal experiences, and practical mindset shifts that have made a real difference in our own marriages. We talk through what it looks like to step into your partner’s perspective, why some relationship challenges aren’t actually “fixable,” and how to approach them in a way that works for your unique dynamic. We also open up about intimacy, including the factors that impact sex drive and why this conversation matters more than we often admit.

Topics We Cover:

• A counterintuitive strategy that helped break the cycle of nightly arguments.
• How differing timelines and priorities can create tension in relationships.
• A mindset shift that can help you better understand your partner’s perspective.
• What to consider when small annoyances start turning into constant nitpicking.
• Why some household tasks may not be the best ones to delegate.
• The difference between “equal” and “fair” when it comes to division of labor.
• Why many relationship challenges aren’t fully solvable and how to navigate that reality.
• The two types of sex drive and how they show up in long-term relationships.
• Two common factors that can significantly impact intimacy.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

Listen to Episode 21 with Vanessa Marin, Sex Therapist: https://www.herselfpodcast.com/listen/21-herself-expert-vanessa-marin-sex-therapist-all-of-your-sex-questions-answered

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.