Our kids’ friendships can be complicated, and as moms, it’s hard to know when to step in and when to let them figure things out on their own. Today we’re talking with Amy Miller, an elementary school counselor who has worked with more than 500 kids, about how we can help our kids navigate friendship changes, rejection, and conflict while building the confidence to work through challenges themselves. Plus, we’re learning why friendship struggles are a normal part of growing up and how the lessons our kids are learning about friendship are ones we can use in our own lives, too.

Key Topics Covered

• The four types of “friends” to stay away from
• Navigating friendship groups of three and feelings of being left out
• How to recognize the difference between conflict, mean behavior, and bullying
• Teaching kids about trust, privacy, and sharing personal information

CONNECT WITH AMY:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/school_counselor_mama

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/p/School-Counselor-Mama-61561534478910/ 

Check out Amy’s resources and ebooks here: https://beacons.ai/school_counselor_mama 

Codes for her ebooks: 

Calm Minds, Happy Homes, use code CALM20 for 20% off

From Guessing to Knowing: How To Raise An Emotionally Open Kid, use code OPEN20 for 20% off

Amy’s Friendship Freebie: https://schoolcounselormama.com/shop/c52ca413-3a83-428c-96e9-3c5fab5b0a89

Amy’s children’s book, Made of Strong Stuff: https://www.boundtobetold.com/stories/made-of-strong-stuff/overview

Use code PODCAST15 for 15% off

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

Patreon Book Club: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

SITKA SEAFOOD: Visit https://sitkaseafoodmarket.com/pages/herself for $35 Off + free salmon burgers for a year with a continuous subscription. The code HERSELF25 should auto-apply when using this link

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Today we’re talking about resilience and what it actually looks like to become a more resilient person, especially on the days when life feels overwhelming. After listening to a podcast about what mentally strong people do on their worst days, we pulled out the ideas that really resonated with us and shared how we’re applying them to our own lives. We’re talking about why avoiding the things that stress us out usually doesn’t make us feel better, how questioning our thoughts can help us get out of black-and-white thinking, and why taking small steps forward can make a bigger difference than waiting for time to heal everything. We also get into the difference between feeling our feelings and ruminating on them, and how the hard things we’ve experienced can ultimately show us just how capable we are.

Key Topics Covered

• Why “mental health days” might not be as restorative as we think
• Moving from avoidance to small, manageable action
• How the way we label ourselves can shape how we see ourselves
• Scheduling time to worry instead of letting worry take over
• Finding the gift in experiences we never would have chosen

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

AMAZON STOREFRONT: https://amzlink.to/az0BrkLl5pX9u

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

Listen to the podcast that inspired this episode: What Mentally Strong People Do on Their Worst Days with Psychotherapist Amy Morin on A Bit of Optimism with Simon Sinek https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-mentally-strong-people-do-on-their-worst-days/id1515385282?i=1000791062156 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

We all have those little tasks that we say we’ll do later, but what if there were a simple way to finally get them done? In this episode, we’re breaking down the idea of a “dreadsprint,” a simple way to batch those annoying, lingering tasks and finally get them off your mental list. We’re talking about why these unfinished tasks can take up so much mental energy, how we each approach them very differently, and how you can create a system that actually works for your personality. If you’ve got a list of things you’ve been avoiding, this might be the motivation you need to knock them out.

Key Topics Covered

• The difference between a dreadsprint and a typical to-do list
• Finding the right approach based on your personality and tendencies
• Using batching, timers, and small rewards to make dreaded tasks easier
• Why completing a task fully can help close the loop in your brain
• Making your own health, appointments, and responsibilities a priority

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

Patreon Book Club: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

Listen to episode 337: Do You Actually Want to Change? Listen to This with Karin Nordin: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/herself/id1489878793?i=1000767168604 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

In this episode, we’re diving into something that Abby has struggled with for most of her life: the feeling that she’s never doing enough. Whether it’s parenting, work, or her home, she shares how she can hit one goal and immediately move the bar higher, which makes it hard to actually feel proud of what she’s accomplished or be present in the moment. We talk about where this drive comes from, how it can turn into overfunctioning and burnout, and what it looks like to start letting go of the constant pressure to do more. She's still figuring this out, but Abby's learning that being “enough” isn’t something she can achieve. It’s something she has to decide.

Key Topics Covered:

• The connection between achievement, praise, and belonging
• How comparison can fuel negative self-talk
• Why rest and play can feel uncomfortable for high achievers
• Prompts to help redefine your priorities and recognize when you’re already doing enough
• Letting go of perfection without losing the parts of yourself that make you a high achiever

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

FORAGE KITCHEN: Check out your nearest location

Grab a copy of the book The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level: https://amzlink.to/az0Vz8f52wrL6 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

We often think communication is the key to a strong marriage, but what if the real secret is friendship? In this episode, we’re talking about what it looks like to actually be friends with your spouse, how that can get lost when life gets busy and kids need more from you, and the ways we’ve each seen this play out in our own marriages. We’re also sharing some simple ways to rebuild connection that can help you find your way back to liking each other again.

Key Topics Covered:

• How to show genuine interest in your partner’s hobbies and interests
• The mental load and how sharing responsibilities can create more room for connection
• Why small acts of kindness and quick repairs matter
• Ways to turn toward your partner instead of away during frustrating moments
• Creating more opportunities for fun and shared experiences

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

MOMCOZY: 20% off with code HERSELF https://momcozy.com/ 

Listen to episode 10 with Molly Millwood: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/herself/id1489878793?i=1000466502777 

Grab the books mentioned in the episode:

To Have and to Hold: Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma by Molly Millwood: https://amzlink.to/az0O8mPASBGdi 

Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less by Tiffany Dufu: https://amzlink.to/az0xopPThIfNo 

Fair Play by Eve Rodsky: https://amzlink.to/az0P01tackqJA 

Read the blog post from The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/blog/thirty-years-later/ 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Today, we’re talking all things motherhood, mindset, and youth sports with Chandler Ashcraft, the creator behind @chanwiththeboys and founder of Moms Away. Chandler brings her background in education and her experience raising four boys to the conversation, sharing why perspective can help us take the pressure off, how to set developmentally appropriate expectations for our kids, and why confidence often comes from being willing to do hard things. We also get into the reality of youth sports, from the pressure to do more to the mental load that comes with keeping everyone’s schedules moving, and how to make choices that actually fit your family.

Key Topics Covered

• How exposure to hard moments builds confidence and resilience
• Teaching kids to take ownership of their attitude, effort, and response
• Why confidence, especially for women, is built through failure and trying again
• How to evaluate the tradeoffs that come with youth sports
• Keeping the long game in mind when making decisions for your family

CONNECT WITH CHANDLER:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chanwiththeboys

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chanwiththeboys

Learn more about Moms Away:

Website: https://www.momsaway.co/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/moms.away 

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

SITKA SEAFOOD: Visit https://sitkaseafoodmarket.com/pages/herself for $35 Off + free salmon burgers for a year with a continuous subscription. The code HERSELF25 should auto-apply when using this link

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Since it’s Labor Day here in the U.S., we’re bringing back one of our favorite conversations on shifting jealousy and comparison into inspiration and possibility. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other women and feeling jealous, intimidated, or like you’re somehow behind. But what if you could shift that mindset and instead feel genuinely inspired by the success around you? In this episode, we share a recent real-life experience from a mastermind we attended with highly successful business owners and how it challenged us to see comparison differently. Instead of letting the “small fish in a big sea” feeling discourage us, we used it as proof of what’s possible. We talk about the mindset shift that helped us move from comparison to inspiration, why personal growth plays a huge role in that process, and how surrounding yourself with the right people can change the way you view your own potential.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What it felt like walking into a room full of highly successful entrepreneurs.
• The surprising common habits we noticed among women operating at a high level.
• Why taking care of your physical health often supports long-term success.
• The “highlight reel vs. inner life” trap and why it distorts how we see other people’s journeys.
• Questions to ask yourself when someone else's success triggers comparison.
• The hidden sacrifices and personal work that often sit behind visible success.
• Practical ways to shift from jealousy to curiosity and inspiration.
• Why your mindset about others’ success can either hold you back or move you forward.
• How getting support, such as a mindset coach, can help you break out of negative thought patterns.
• The powerful question to ask when a negative thought about someone else pops up.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

BETTERHELP: 10% off first month at: http://betterhelp.com/herself

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Have you ever found yourself taking your child’s behavior personally, getting defensive, or reacting in a way you wish you could take back? Today, we’re talking about how the Gottman Institute’s Four Horsemen of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling can show up in our parenting, why our kids’ emotional development means we have to take the lead when it comes to navigating conflict, and how much they learn from the way we handle hard moments. We’re not going to get it right every time, but becoming more aware of our patterns can help us model healthier communication, repair, and relationships for our kids.

Key Topics Covered

• Why criticism can feel like an attack or humiliation to a child
• How to tell the difference between taking a break and stonewalling
• Why self-regulation has to come before trying to coach your child through a conflict
• How to soften the start-up and communicate your feelings more clearly
• The importance of taking responsibility and modeling a genuine apology

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

AMAZON STOREFRONT: https://amzlink.to/az0BrkLl5pX9u

MOMCOZY: 20% off with code HERSELF https://momcozy.com/ 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

We’re so excited to welcome Dr. Marisa Franco back to the podcast for the third time to talk about something so many of us struggle with: feeling worthy. We’re diving into why simply telling ourselves to “love ourselves” doesn’t always work, how our past experiences continue to shape the way we see ourselves today, and what it can look like to meet ourselves with more understanding instead of trying to force ourselves to feel differently. We also talk about how our own self-worth impacts the way we show up for our kids and how we can help the next generation build a healthier relationship with themselves.

Key Topics Covered

• Why insecurity can actually be an adaptive response
• How attachment theory can become another form of perfectionism
• Why some people struggle to receive compliments
• The connection between self-worth, memories, and our emotional responses
• How to recognize, regulate, and respond to difficult emotions

CONNECT WITH DR. MARISA FRANCO:

Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmarisagfranco 

Check out her website: https://drmarisagfranco.com/ 

Pre-order Marisa’s new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment here: https://amzlink.to/az0RRIqPA4gxb

Listen to her past episodes on HERself: 

59. The Challenge and Triumphs of Adult Friendships https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/herself/id1489878793?i=1000505703230 

314. Attachment Styles in Adult Friendships https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/herself/id1489878793?i=1000739104904 

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

SITKA SEAFOOD: Visit https://sitkaseafoodmarket.com/pages/herself for $35 Off + free salmon burgers for a year with a continuous subscription. The code HERSELF25 should auto-apply when using this link

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

What do you do when you and your partner keep having the same fight over and over again? Learning how to navigate those gridlocked arguments can help you stop spinning your wheels and start finding a way forward, even when you don’t see eye to eye. Today, we’re breaking down practical ways to approach these recurring disagreements, including how to look beneath the surface of the argument, stay connected when you don’t agree, and find a livable solution together. Because sometimes the goal isn’t to finally agree, but to learn how to handle the disagreement in a healthier way.

Key Topics Covered:

• Why some relationship conflicts are unsolvable
• How childhood experiences can shape the way we handle conflict
• Why vulnerability can help you break out of a cycle of defensiveness
• How to find common ground when you disagree
• What to do when pushing for a solution isn’t working

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.

Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships, but it's rarely about the money itself. This week, we unpack why couples get stuck in the same financial arguments, how our childhood experiences and money beliefs shape the way we spend and save, and what it really takes to get on the same page with your partner. We also share practical ways to have healthier money conversations, better understand each other's financial habits, and build a stronger partnership instead of keeping score.

Key Topics Covered:

• The four common money personalities and how they influence financial decisions
• Why regular money check-ins help couples stay connected and avoid resentment
• How financial anxiety can show up as overspending, oversaving, or avoiding money altogether
• The impact of lifestyle creep, comparison, and keeping score in a relationship
• Four simple questions to uncover your own money beliefs and start better conversations with your partner

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

LMNT: Free Sample Pack with purchase:  drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF 

MOMCOZY: 20% off with code HERSELF https://momcozy.com/ 

GOTTMAN INSTITUTE ARTICLES ABOUT MONEY: https://www.gottman.com/blog/money-bankrupting-marriage/

“MONEY MAPS” FROM THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE: https://www.gottman.com/blog/arguments-money-arent-money/ 

Let’s connect!

HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcast

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

This episode was brought to you by the Pivot Ball Change Network.