After 10 to 20 years of marriage, you may notice that the roommate syndrome has crept in and has set up Shop right in your bedroom. You may be noticing that there are a lot of things that are just kind of normal. Maybe you think that’s how things just are. However, this stuff can change. The connection that you are used to hasn't gone it’s just not being used. Your emotional connections are a lot like a muscle and you have to exercise it to keep it strong.


When we have that strong connection in our relationships, we experience a more fulfilling relationship. That connection is what our wife needs to be intimate with us. We often stand around, wondering why she doesn’t want to sleep with us anymore or why the sex has faded away to being once every three months when it used to be we were rocking our socks off every other day. The answer is, that we’ve let life happen. We’ve had arguments and we’ve said things that hurt each other’s feelings. We’ve lashed out because we were hurting emotionally. It means that we would rather feel emotionally safe and not feel hurt as much. Therefore, we withdraw.


That withdrawal pattern amplifies in distance as the years pass. Add kids and other responsibilities and eventually that smoking hot bride that we had isn’t putting on teddys and garter belts for us anymore. She is now in fuzzy pajama pants, a long nightgown sweatshirt with fuzzy socks. You can’t remember the last time she touched her makeup and getting her to go outside amongst people in public is like pulling teeth. When you look back you see and remember how adventurous she used to be. That lack of connection and that lack of communication is what created the problem you’re experiencing now.


Is there any hope? Should you just give up on this marriage and go find a younger model? I would dissuade from the divorce thoughts because you have years of connection. You need to have a reawakening to see that wonderful, beautiful, fulfilling marriage you both still have. The Key is you just have to work at rebuilding that connection now.



Start with the end in mind


When it comes to building a strong connection, you want to start with the end in mind. That means stepping back and examining what does a connected intimate marriage actually look like. Yes, it’s gonna have more sex for sure but what else? Are you ok with the possibility that the sex may never come back to what it was before? What does that look like? How do y’all reconnect each night before bed? How do you set aside intentional time for your wife? How do you foster a deeper connection during the hard times? What does your life with a deep meaningful fulfilling connection look like to you? That is the important part that we miss. How do we go about having a great fulfilling marriage? These are all questions you want to ask regularly.


Many times we step through life without intention so much so that we don’t even think of what we want our marriage to look like or how we want to act toward each other. We think that the other person is supposed to be bringing us joy, happiness, and fulfillment, but that is not the case. Your wife sadly cannot bring you happiness. Your wife cannot make you happy in any form. She doesn't have that power. The same goes for you. You are not able to make your wife happy. No matter what you say or do, you’re not gonna bring joy or fulfillment to her life. All of that is based upon your thoughts, so you have to first understand and examine and do the thought work on what you believe a good healthy marriage is about.


How do you think You behave when there’s a crisis how do you show up to that circumstance? Look in examine how you want your life to be from every possible angle and then look and see where you don’t show up like that and why do you not show up like that? What are you making your wife saying she’s got a headache mean about your relationship? you want to make sure you have those thoughts processed. Make plans as to how you would like to show up for your wife. Have a vision of how you will be. Don't worry about your wife. You have no control over her.



Understand your why and want to change.


What is it about your marriage that is unfulfilling? That’s a great question to ask, isn’t it? Can you answer that question honestly to yourself? What part of that scenario is your fault? That’s a big one if you’re able to answer that. You’re gonna be well on your way to finding answers and being able to change your marriage for the better, if you can see how you had a hand in creating this roommate syndrome.


The next part of your marriage that you want to examine is why you want to change. Yeah, the sex may not be as frequent as you would like, but that is just one aspect of a beautiful marriage. If all you can complain about is that you’re not getting as much nookie as you want, then other issues and that is a little bit more work. I would recommend that you look at your beliefs around marriage and sex.


Look at your "why" and examine that "why". Come to understand the reasons around why you want to better your marriage. That "why" is going to be your motivation. You are going to have rough spots as you make changes in your life. When it’s not going the way you wanted it to go you will need to turn to your "why". You’ve told your spouse that you’re gonna make changes in the past. You probably have told her that you were going to do any number of things that have never actually happened. This is because if you want her to change, you gotta show her how dedicated you are to that change. That dedication may take years. It’s not gonna be one week down the road for darn sure. So you have to lean on your "why". Why do you want a better marriage? Why do you want stronger connections and stronger communication with your wife? When you have that "why" you’ll be able to press through those difficult times. Other people just give up and revert back to their old comfortable ways, but not. you because you know why you want a better marriage.


When you have a why you can step into having a better relationship with your wife. You can do so with full knowledge and intention as to the direction you’re going to take your life and your family.



How are you going to intentionally improve your marriage?


Answer that question as honestly as you possibly can. That's because it’s gonna take all of your intentionality to improve the connection in your marriage. It’s going to take intentionally going to your wife sitting down and talking with her regularly. It’s gonna take you intentionally sharing your day with her no matter how dull and boring you think it is.


When you start becoming intentional in your actions you’re going to get better results. Are you going to still screw up? Oh hell yes, you are. You’re gonna mess up more times than you get right. As long as you are trying and you’re moving forward, and you’re examining what you’ve done with intention, you will see where you’ve messed up. Those problems will be easier to spot and change. You will make your life and your wife’s life better.



Layout your plans


We like to think that we can play things by ear. We can adjust. We have more freedom when we can make changes on the fly. Making plans and examining those plans change the results a lot more than just playing it by ear. Executing those plans is your road to success. If you don’t know where you’re going, are you going to get there? If you don’t know where you wanna wind up how are you even know if you’re close? You have to make plans with your wife.

• Every Saturday at 8 o’clock, I’m going to have a conversation with my wife.
• Every evening at 6 o’clock me and the wife are going to go for a walk.
• Every Tuesday and Thursday I’m going to wash the dishes.
• I am going to buy flowers on Friday For my bride.

List out what you want to accomplish. Then stick to those almost as religiously as you can. Yeah, there’s gonna be times that the’s kid's have an event is on Friday so you may not be able to go out for steak night. However, if every Friday night is date night, then you pretty much will nail every Friday night as being steak night.


Treat those date nights seriously. Maybe Saturday nights are your date nights now. Therefore, you start intentionally getting dressed up. Go two levels better than what you normally dress. Put on some cologne. Add some deodorant. Wash the undercarriage and go out into town with your wife and don’t expect anything in return for the adventure. If you’re expecting something in return that’s called manipulation and you’re breaking the connection even more.



Work on yourself, not on your wife.


The biggest part of improving your connection with her wife is to not try to fix her. If you think the problem is her, then you need to step back and examine your part of the scenario. She is withdrawn. She’s not putting out she’s not wanting to open up, my response would be what did you do to that. I get this is a difficult question to ask because we don’t want to say our Rose our fault but they are. Now could it be that we have been trying everything and our wife has had an affair? Yeah, there is a chance that that’s happened, but there is a bigger chance that she lost the emotional connection thanks to roommate syndrome and she just happened to find a guy who fit the Bill who makes her feel alive again. So you have to face up to the very uncomfortable fact that it’s not 100% your fault, but you did play a part in perpetuating the breakdown of that connection. This statement isn’t a means to bring upon self-hatred in any way, but when you can be honest with yourself, you’re going to be more willing to make the needed changes and put in the needed effort to fix what is broken in your marriage.


That doesn’t mean you start using your wife as a therapist either. That’s what your band of Brothers is about. You see our wives are not supposed to be our therapists. Our wives are not wanting us to open up emotionally. They do not want us to vomit our emotional feelings all over them. They want to be able to pass their negative experiences and their negative emotions over to you so that you can turn them into positive emotions again. They can’t do that when you’re throwing all of your negative experiences at them.


The secret to what women want from us is the one thing that guys don’t enough of and that is talk about the minuscule minute boring details of our day. When they want us to open up, that’s what they’re talking about. You opening up your life events to them. That’s why we struggle as men. We struggle as hard as we do. Because we’re opening up in the wrong way. Women want to be involved in our lives. Step back and look at how your wife talks to her friends. They go into detail about their day what they’re feeling what they’re seeing. What they experiencing. Look at the same scenario that they’re describing. There is this mountain that's got three really big large jagged cracks that go down the length of the mountain and it’s just so majestic when the sun hits it at a particular time of the day and it turns into a bright, fiery orange colored glow. While we just say we saw a big mountain and it was cool to see. These are big differences that help them feel involved in your life. That is what they mean when they say they want you to open up.



Work on your four pillars of Relaxed Male


Think back, to when you and your wife first married. You were young you had dreams and ideas and passions that you were going to conquer the world. What changed between then and now? That Dr. that passion doesn’t burn nearly as hot as it used to if it’s burning at all if it’s even smoldering, how big is your friend now? Maybe one good friend maybe one guy you call a friend but you’re not sure. How are you improving your life? Are you still in this great shape now, as you were 20 years ago? These are all things that attracted to us. So why do you think our wife is not attracted to us now?



Man’s mind


Your mind is the most important tool that you have. It’s what is needed for you to have a fulfilling relationship with your wife. It is also what you need to be a good dad for your kids. Your mind is tied to you. Yeah, so many of us men choose to not Exercise our minds at all. We would rather zone out on television games or anything else than continue to feed our minds. Men as soon as they graduate from high school cut their reading amount in half and then they continue to decrease as they go further in their education and college to where they cut down to almost 90% of the reading by the time they are out of school, we become smarter from the knowledge we receive in books, podcasts, lectures, and conferences. And yes, some of these cost money but others are free.


Most men learn the most from books. Knowledge has been passed down from generation to generation because of books. Yeah, ask people why they don’t read all I fall asleep if I start reading well yeah you will. If you tell yourself that enough do not fall asleep, watching television or watching a movie? Because the movie is shorter that can be some of it yeah but when you are reading, you can take that as a point of pride.


The interesting part about reading though is that you actually don’t need a book anymore or better term you don’t have to actually read the book anymore. You can have other people read the book to you. So you can grab the knowledge for whatever topic interests you. And consume it while you’re mowing the lawn why are you doing dishes folding towels or whatever another means of being able to learn some more is through podcasts like the one you’re listening to Other podcasts can help you in several fields that you like to know about. Some conferences are on topics that also write up your interest.


Becoming smarter, expanding your knowledge, and challenging your mind so that you don’t become fixed on just one style of thought. You will fall behind if you don’t keep your learning up you can’t find new ways to have stronger connections with your wife unless you have new knowledge you can share with her. Work on The Man's Mind Pillar and see how much of your world opens up.



Man’s Body


There’s a good chance that when you were 25 you’re in a lot better shape than you now as 35, 45, or even 55 years old. Now this can be because of a decrease in testosterone that we get as we age. It could also just be that our work has us sitting for 12 hours each day, and many times we don’t change our eating habits that we used to have when we were young dumb kids. This has gotten us into trouble because we have to be able to show our wives that we can protect them and we cant if we are out of shape. Many of us when we walk up a flight of five steps, and by the time we get there, we’re huffing and puffing through our mouths. How are we going to protect our loved ones when it comes to hand-to-hand combat?


We show our wife that we care about her and that we’re willing to stay around for the long haul when we have to have a healthy life. Now it doesn’t mean you have to go vegan. No, it doesn’t mean you have to go strictly carnivore, either. It means practicing moderation. Eat the right amount of meat. Eat the right amount of fruits and vegetables. Eat the right amount of grains. Drink plenty of water. Better if you abstain from smoking and drink alcohol in moderation too. You will live a healthier life if you are practicing moderation in every aspect.


If you don’t, then you wind up developing diabetes and you can’t stand on your own 2 feet when you’ve had one amputated so you have to take care of your body. so that you can’t take care of your wife and kids. You have to always work on the Man's Body Pillar for the benefit of those you care about.



Man’s Soul


What gets you out of bed in the morning? Is there something in your life that you cannot see yourself not doing?


You see we men need purpose. We need a sense of direction. These are the driving factors of what keep men, young, healthy, and vibrant. Men who work and take immense pride in what they do. Yet these same men shrivel up and pass away once they lose that sense of identity. Men live longer, healthier, happier, more fulfilled lives, when they have a wife, somebody they can protect and care for and nurture. Yet if a man lives longer than his wife. He will often end up passing within five years of her dying, because those men had their purpose. That man had his "why" and as soon as that "why" was taken from him there was no need to keep going on.


What is your sense of purpose? What is it that you like to do that you cannot stand to have anybody else getting your way of doing that? If you have one of those burning desires, that light will shine in attract other people to you that will shine and attract your wife to be closer to you, if you don’t have that why you become just a warm body with little to no life in them. So what is your purpose? If you don't know then that could very well be your purpose at the moment. FInd your purpose.


To draw people, like your wife, into your world having your soul shine as bright as possible means you want to feed your soul and that is what the man's soul pillar does.



Man's community


Quite possibly the most important pillar of a man’s life is a man's community pillar. How many friends do you have that you can turn to on a moment's notice? How many of those friends do you see on a daily and weekly basis? How many of these men do you know beyond being just a good friend?


Men need other men in their lives. To be able to refresh their masculinity they need other masculine men in their lives. Look at the men who you know that congregate at coffee shops, the old Dairy Queen, and the coffee cup cafés. These old men are often farmers, and meet regularly day in and day out. It may not seem like they’re talking about much other than the normal humdrum run of the day. Yet, what they’re doing for each other is ensuring that they bring home the masculine energy to their family. That masculine energy is positive and uplifting. It is caring, that men become frazzled beaten, and alone. Even if we do have a wife and kids, we cannot go without having other men in our lives.



Get honestly curious


One of the greatest ways that you can help build a connection with your wife doesn't involve long soliloquies about how she means the world to you. It doesn’t require you to stand up and profess your undying love for her. It involves lowly questions. That’s all. Ask simple questions about what your wife is saying.


Asking questions does two things, one it shows your wife that you’re paying attention. We all like to know that the person we’re talking to is actually paying attention to us. The best way to do that is to ask questions about what they are saying. Yes, this does mean we have to pay attention to what our wife is talking about. I will agree that sometimes she throws in a lot of details about stuff that we could care less about. However, if we want our wives to understand that we do care for her, those details are important to her. That is how she communicates by talking about the little details that happened in her day about the weird radioactive green candy wrapper that was stuck to the bottom of her shoe or talking about the person who was trying to put on their makeup in their car that almost ran her over, the makeup that she was using doesn’t match her complexion.


When your wife talks about particular problems, get details from her about it. Pay attention to what details she gives you. It shows you what’s important to her and helps you to come to understand your wife even more. Understanding and those questions will help bridge that connection together to be tighter, stronger, and more resilient than any other exercise you can do



Listen don’t fix


Now, guys, we are guilty of this, especially the nice guys. The nice guys can’t stand when our wife is feeling any emotion that causes us to feel uneasy. So if she’s upset, we’re gonna try to find ways to get her to stop being upset not because of her being upset, but because we don’t like the anxiety and the uncertainty that we feel because she is upset.


When we jump in awe and try to fix the problem, we’re not fixing the problem. We’re manipulating the circumstances. We're manipulating her emotions were manipulating not helping so you have to be good with your own emotions. Except that you’re going to feel uneasy, sad, anxious, angry or whatever it is that you feel. You may feel powerless, and you have to be OK with it. So that you can help your wife by listening.


That is the key to not fixing your wife. She just wants to be heard. She wants to hear what is happening in your life and she wants to have equal opportunity to share her life with you, when she feels like she has a good connection with you, her clothes will have a higher possibility of falling off for you. The sex comes from the fact that she can trust you emotionally. When she knows that her emotions are not going to cause you to tailspin into Mr. Fix-It mode, she will be happier to share her emotions with you. The more her emotions are shared with you the safer she feels with you. The safer she feels with you the more chances we get the intimacy that we want in our marriage.



Take action


Finally, after you’ve made your plans and you’ve decided what actions you want to take then it’s time for the hard part. This is the taking action you wanted. You wanna walk with your wife every day at 6 PM well be OK with missing the football game if it happens to be running at 6 PM, and be OK with missing the evening news. If you want to walk with your wife at 6 PM don’t try to compromise with yourself on anything other than what the action is. When you do that you fall out of integrity with your own self. Then that lack of integrity shows up in other parts of your life. Above all else to self be true and you have to be true to yourself. Are you truly OK with your wife being upset? If you want her to be emotionally trusting of you then yes you have to be OK with her being upset not rushing to fix the problem if you want her to be able to share her life with you, you have to share your life with her. You have to study. Good communication skills. If you don’t think you have good communication skills that’s where you incorporate the man’s mind pillar, you’re showing her that you are getting better and that you’re making an effort if you’re trying the more that you do the more of a connection you develop the more connection the better marriage.





Take The Next Step- https://www.relaxedmale.com/coachingoffer

You may have heard me talk about how our minds are like computers. You get out what you put in. There are many instances of this from getting respect you have to first give respect. If you want peace in your life you have to first give peace.

Our Bodies are also like that

Are you in shape or are you an example of soft living? Do you eat nothing but vegetables or are you an omnivour? Do you exercise? Do you lift heavy objects and throw them around your yard? What you are doing and how you feel has a bit to do with what you are powering your body with. Some men do like to power their body with cigarettes and coffee and while that will work for a while it won't be long till you have problems with what you are putting in. Now. do you go to the extremes and be Mr. Healthnut? No Moderation is the key.

Our projects are like that.

Are you putting time effort and money into your projects or are you just doing some stuff hoping that it will eventually take off? If you aren't putting the needed effort into your project they will not reward you with the desired outcome.

Our relationships are also like that

Do you want kids that are happy to see you? How about a marriage where the wife is happy to see you? When the kids go to bed is she happy to get undressed for you? What are you putting into the relationship> are you putting a lot of self-defeating thoughts or are you bringing good healthy masculine energy to the relationship?

We often come home and proceed to sit on the couch and watch television. Yet what would your relationship be like if you were to become interested in your wife's world?

All of our relationships are like these. Now are we to act like women when we meet each other? No, we are men but we have to contribute to the relationship for it to grow. Yes we do have those long-time friends whom we see each other and we can pick up right where we left off but many more require care and diligence to nurture and grow.

 

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Summary

The main premise of this episode is examining the principle of "you get what you give" and how it manifests in different areas of our lives. The host, Brian, a certified men's coach, discusses three key examples where men often fail to put in enough effort or quality "inputs", resulting in poor "outputs" or undesirable results.

The first example is our bodies. Brian explains that our bodies function like computers - the inputs (thoughts, beliefs, actions) determine the outputs (health, weight, energy levels). If we feed our bodies junk food and have negative self-talk, we'll get poor physical results. He cautions against going to extremes like strict veganism or carnivorism, as moderation is healthier. The words we tell ourselves about our bodies become self-fulfilling.

The second example is our projects, goals, and aspirations. Many men don't put in the consistent, devoted effort and problem-solving required for their passions or dreams to truly take off. We hope for success with minimal work, but it doesn't happen that way. Brian stresses facing the mental obstacles and unhelpful thoughts that hold us back from applying ourselves fully to our desired endeavors.

The third key area is our relationships - romantic, familial, and friendships. The quality of energy, nurturing, love, curiosity, and work we put into our relationships is exactly what gets reflected back to us. Putting in sarcasm, criticism, neglect, and lack of communication breeds problems and disconnect. Unresolved conflicts pile up, leading to roommate-like situations lacking intimacy. However, nurturing with love, open communication, and true effort yields loving, fulfilling relationships.

For struggling relationships, Brian advises doubling down on efforts through vulnerable communication, curiosity about your partner's inner experience, and doing the inner self-work. For career struggles, working on fostering good professional relationships is key.

The overarching solution is to put high-quality "inputs" or effort into the four pillars of life: body, mind, community, and soul. Our thoughts ultimately create our reality, so being mindful of our self-talk and inputs is crucial.

Brian offers his discounted one-on-one coaching services to help men identify their ideal dream life and make a plan to put in consistent inputs across the key life areas to ultimately get their desired outputs and results.

The main takeaway is that the quality of what we get out of our health, goals, and relationships is a direct reflection of the quality and quantity of what we put into those areas through our thoughts, beliefs, actions, and efforts. Applying this "you get what you give" principle is key to transforming one's life experience.

00:00:00 Introduction 00:03:42 The Three Spaces 00:07:35 Body and Mind 00:12:22 Nurturing Relationships 00:18:47 Input Equals Output 00:21:39 Putting in Effort 00:23:24 Closing Words

With much of life, we can either float down the river of life or we can steer our life to where we want to go. The difference is that when we use intention we get closer to where we want to go sooner than if we just drift.
Lack of intention is where you hope you arrive at your desired destination. You are just going through life and often unintentional people come across as if they are asleep and don't put much thought into why they are doing what they are doing. They often will find these people blaming external events and not that they had any hand in creating the results they are facing. People who are going through life with emotional childhood are living life unintentionally. They see emotions as things that just happen and don't want to apply the fact that your thoughts create your emotions. What is living with intention? 
Deciding how you are going respond behave approach any circumstance ahead of time.
But what if you don't know?
review your actions and make decisions Why we don't live with intention? 
It's scary
We are responsible Where do you start? 
Start by making a decisions
Then plan out how you are going to reach those results
Take action Take the Next Step 
Get coaching for 95% off
 Summary 
The episode is about the power of intention and living life intentionally rather than just drifting through life without direction or purpose. The main points covered are:

1. What happens when we lack intention in life - We end up like a boat without a rudder, just floating aimlessly and likely crashing into things or running aground. Many people live this unintentional life, making decisions without much thought, and ending up broke or unhappy.
2. Benefits of intentional living - When we live with intention, consciously deciding how we want to live and behave, we can steer our lives in the direction we want rather than being at the mercy of circumstances.
3. Examples of intentionality are deciding ahead of time how you want to be as a parent, how to react when your teenager scratches the car, and choosing a career path thoughtfully rather than defaulting to something.
4. Challenges of intentionality - It requires taking responsibility for our choices and actions. Many avoid this because it's easier to just drift than make hard decisions.
5. How to live intentionally - Examine your life, decide how you want to live, set goals aligned with that vision, and take active steps every day towards those goals. Course-correct when you fail to live up to your intentions.
6. The alternative of unintentional living - Living reactively, spending frivolously, blaming others/systems for your circumstances. Ending up broke, unhappy or crashing against the metaphorical shore.

Catch the Show notes at

https://www.relaxedmale.com/the-power-of-living-life-intentionally/

Chapters

(00:00:00) Introduction to The Relaxed Male

(00:02:18) The Power of Intention

(00:02:53) Understanding Intentionality in Life

(00:06:37) The Impact of Intention on Lifes Path

(00:07:43) Being Intentional as a Parent

(00:09:40) Consequences of Unintentional Actions

(00:14:31) Overcoming Fear of Intentionality

(00:16:59) Making Decisions for Intentional Living

If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step

In relationships, we often will slide into a form of comfort routine that is called the Roommate Syndrome

The Roommate Syndrome Where sparks go to smolder.

Why does this happen?

past disagreements

It is easier

Rejection free

 

How to rekindle the spark

Know what the roommate syndrome is about.

Start with the end in mind

Much like the word rekindle you have to use kindling Kindling is a small flammable material that you can use to grow an ember into a bonfire.

It starts with the small stuff

Rediscover the silly you

95% Off Coaching Offer

 

Summary

Here is a detailed summary of the key points from this podcast episode:

The episode discusses the "roommate syndrome" that can happen in marriages, where the spark and passion fades over time. The host, Brian, explains that this happens because of our unintentional thoughts and mindsets over the course of a long-term relationship.

He notes that as couples get older, their sexual frequency and intensity naturally declines compared to when they were younger. This can lead to feelings of disconnection and the "roommate syndrome" setting in, where the relationship feels more like living with a roommate than an intimate partner.

The host explains that this happens for a few key reasons:

1. Women tend to be more mentally/emotionally oriented when it comes to sex, needing more foreplay and mental preparation, compared to men who are more physically/visually driven. As life demands increase for women, sex can become lower on the priority list.
2.  
3. Couples stop making the effort to reconnect and be playful/adventurous like they did when dating. Avoiding difficult conversations about the lack of intimacy also contributes to the problem.
4.  
5. Men become afraid of rejection when consistently turned down for sex, so they stop initiating and turn to less fulfilling outlets like porn.

The host emphasizes the importance of open communication between partners to find solutions. This may involve compromises, exploring new ways of being intimate, and rediscovering the playfulness the couple had early in the relationship. He encourages men to focus on becoming the best version of themselves, which can reignite their wife's interest.

Overall, the episode highlights how the "roommate syndrome" is a common issue, but one that can be overcome through intentional effort, communication, and rediscovering the fun and silliness that used to characterize the relationship.

What does the world look like when you are curious

Why it is good to get curious

You see more out there

You see what is possible

Better at problem-solving

You are more relatable

More creative

More Fulfilment

Strengthens relationships

Applying those to your relationships

You understand your spouse or friend more

You learn and discover more

Curiosity helps you to connect even more

it deepens the intimacy with your spouse

Want to learn how to have more curiosity in your relationships then take the Next step?

 

 

Summary

The main topic of this podcast episode is the importance of being curious in life, relationships, and personal growth. The host, Bryan, explains that having a curious mindset allows you to find more joy, happiness, and fulfillment.

He discusses how when we are young, we are naturally very curious about the world around us. As we get older, that innate curiosity tends to fade as we settle into routines and stop questioning things as much. However, maintaining a sense of curiosity is vital for several reasons:

1. Curiosity opens up new possibilities and helps spark creativity to solve problems in innovative ways, especially for entrepreneurs.
2.  
3. Being curious makes you a better problem solver in all areas of life rather than just accepting "That's how we've always done it."
4.  
5. Curiosity makes you more relatable and eager to learn from others. It shows you don't know everything.
6.  
7. A curious mindset is a growth-oriented abundant mindset, whereas a lack of curiosity leads to a scarcity mindset of just holding on to what you have.

The episode emphasizes how curiosity can greatly strengthen relationships, especially with your spouse/partner. Asking questions, being interested in her perspective/hobbies, and striving to understand why she does things a certain way builds intimacy and makes her feel heard and understood.

Practical tips are given like the "5 whys" approach to get to the root of someone's motivations by repeatedly asking "Why?" Curiosity about your partner's world helps create deeper connections. Even asking about topics you don't care about can make the other person feel you're a great conversationalist.

Overall, the host advises making a conscious effort to embrace curiosity by asking more questions, being open to learning, and examining the details of the world around you. This curiosity will lead to more fulfillment, stronger bonds, creative problem-solving, and personal growth.

00:00:00 The Power of Curiosity 00:01:47 Embracing Curiosity in Life 00:05:30 Challenging the Status Quo 00:07:28 Embracing Growth Through Curiosity 00:11:10 Curiosity vs. Scarcity Mindset 00:11:25 Strengthening Relationships Through Curiosity 00:11:46 Unveiling Relationship Dynamics with Curiosity 00:17:59 Building Strong Connections Through Curiosity

After many years couples often find themselves in a strange predicament. The Sex and closeness fall off and people just sort of exist in the same house. There are lots of thoughts and interpretations of this. The decrease in intimacy has been a problem in marriage since marriages were implemented. Many today believe that the reason for the decrease in intimacy is the institution of marriage. That the very act of committing yourself to another person is why the fire dies down. It can be (See Roommate Syndrome) but it isn't the reason.

Why do intimacy challenges come up?

We are human and we can't do anything without some type of emotion mixed in. We are just emotional beings. We are also creatures of habit. We do not want to rock the boat too much out of fear that we will be scorned in some way. We don't want to be kicked out of our village and lose all that we have worked so hard to gather. So why do we fall into roommate syndrome?

Routine

The big reason is we find a routine that works for us. The wife likes her shows and you like yours so you go and watch TV in separate rooms. Instead of going out for a walk or doing something different.

Don't want to stir up emotions

Doing something new can cause people to feel different emotions.

Nice guy syndrome

Sorry nice guys but you strike again. Trying to control as much as you do causes people to not venture out into the fun areas of life. So we become bored.

A relationship can't survive without sex?

Funny how this is often the go-to for why we need sex in our lives. Yet that isn't fully the case. yeah, it would be nice to get boned on a regular basis, but men often have a higher sex drive than women. So we often want to have sex far more often than our spouse would like to have it. So what do you do? That is why you are here.

Roommate Syndrome

Roommate syndromes are when you have hit a plateau. You have found yourself and your spouse in a rut and this is a good place to be because it means it is time for you to grow.

You have a choice

Now it may seem as if we are struggling against an impossible wall but that is where our suffering is coming from our thoughts of the matter. We always have a choice. We can change and grow and become the people that lead our spouses out of mediocrity or we can let the marriage wither or we can just stay the same and hope that one of the people in the relationship doesn't venture out for some adventure with someone else.

Stay and find out how to grow

The one choice I feel most people want is to stay with their spouse and find out how to become the partner their spouse needs in their life.

How to increase intimacy

There are many different ways we can increase intimacy. We first need to know what type of intimacy we are growing. Any intimacy is one thing but it does help to know what type you are aiming for. According to All Points North, there are 5 types of intimacy we want in our relationships.

Emotional intimacy

This is, how much emotional connection are you and your spouse willing to have? How willing are you to open up to your spouse about emotions? There are some thoughts as to how deep you need this to be for a good connection with your wife.

Spiritual Intimacy

How are you and your spouse sharing yall's religion? Many people like to say they are "spiritual" and that's fine but what is your belief and is your belief compatible with your spouse?

Intellectual Intimacy

How much curiosity is there about each other?

Social Intimacy

How much do you share in each other's interests?

Physical intimacy

This is what we men want most. but to get this you often need to do some other things to get here.

• They want to feel emotionally safe and secure
• They want to feel trusted
• They have to trust their partner.
• Women are mental beings so their engines are started by you waving your ding-a-ling around. This is why women can't stand dick pics. Men, we love our penises but women don't.

Start dating your girl again

Time to go back into the old dating box in the back of your mental closet dust it off and start dating each other again.

Schedule sex

It may not seem as spontaneous but at the same time, it does create some habits that have long been lost. There have been couples that actually tried 365 days of sex. They came out of it with a stronger connection with their significant other.

Have a Strong Man's Community Pillar

Talk to other men and have a life outside of your marriage

Go back to Cheesy Romantic stuff

Yeah get romantic. Exercise that muscle.

Flowers

Start giving flowers regularly. Even today's women still like flowers.

Love notes

How often do you leave love notes for your wife to find? that is too few. DO more.

Love texts

Send a text to your wife at random times telling her how much she means to you and how happy you are. Might even throw a little saucy language in to spice the feeling up a little. Just no dick pics.

Drop the Mental Fights

Many people have mental arguments with their spouses. If you do this stop. If you find yourself in that space let her win in your mind. This is about respect for your wife if you don't stop your lack of respect will show up in other ways that your wife will pick up.

Show Gratitude

One of the greatest ways to get out of the scarcity mindset of no sex is to just start being grateful for your spouse. Then tell them why you are grateful.

Be curious

Relearn who your wife is

or let the marriage fall apart

This is also a solution it may not be what you want but it is a solution also.

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Summary

Intimacy challenges that couples often face in long-term relationships. After the initial "honeymoon phase", issues like lack of sex, emotional distance, and falling into routines and "roommate syndrome" can arise.

He makes the point that while a relationship can survive without sex, most intimacy problems stem from negative thought patterns - making assumptions about the other person's feelings, not processing emotions healthily, and getting stuck in unfulfilling routines out of fear of disrupting the situation.

Goodwin identifies 5 types of intimacy that need nurturing: emotional, spiritual, intellectual, social, and physical. He suggests several ways to overcome roommate syndrome and reignite intimacy:

• Date your partner again like when you were first together
• Schedule sex, try new things to rediscover sensuality
• Build a strong male social circle apart from your spouse
• Do romantic gestures - flowers, notes, surprises
• Stop having unproductive "mental fights" criticizing your partner
• Be curious about your partner's life, ask questions
• Express gratitude for small things your partner does
• Give 100% effort without expectation of reciprocation

The underlying message is that growth, discomfort and effort are required to sustain a thriving long-term intimate relationship. Sticking to routine out of fear often leads to dissatisfaction or the relationship falling apart entirely.

( 00:00 ) Intimacy Challenges ( 02:20 ) Relationship Struggles ( 09:40 ) Surviving Without Sex ( 12:32 ) Types of Intimacy ( 30:41 ) Overcoming Roommate Syndrome ( 34:10 )Ending Mental Fights ( 37:17 ) Showing Gratitude ( 39:29 ) Giving 100%, Expecting Zero

Men struggle with strong meaningful connections. Many even struggle with just having a relationship. So many men today don't have close relationships or their relationships are just surface-level connections that don't fulfill the purpose of a relationship.

We men need relationships and yet we forsake our own needs for a plethora of reasons. So why do we need to have good strong relationships? Why can't we just hermitize ourselves and just be done with it?

Benefits of a good relationship

Why are relationships needed? What makes the messy emotional events of having relationships with both men and women good for us?

Live longer

This is mainly for married men but when a man has friends who force him to get out of the house and go do things. These men live longer and more fulfilled because they have a relationship with both men and women.

Men who are isolated have stronger suicide tendencies

Sadly many men do end their lives because they have isolated themselves. In fact a guy who starts to isolate needs strong relationships more than ever.

Happier

Why do men actually long for relationships.

Relationships with women

It helps them see life as an adventure

Three desires of a man

1. He wants a battle to fight.
2. He dreams of adventure.
3. He longs for a beauty to rescue

We love to care

We Love to be cared for

We do like the input from women

Men seek specifics in their relationships and often don't find them

• Praise and approval
• Respect
• Connection
• Space
• Security
• Physical Touch

Relationships with other men

A means to be pushed to be better

others to learn from

A refill of their masculine energy

Men need to have a connection with those around them

Why do men not have as many friends as they could have?

Many men don't have close friends at all

Sadly many men have stopped trying or using the internet as a cheap knockoff connection

They lost their girl's challenge.

Coaching Offer

 

Summary

Introduction

Bryan Goodwin hosts The Relaxed Male podcast, aimed at helping men remove the "nice guy" mindset and live life on their own terms. This episode (#221) focuses on the importance of relationships for men. Why Relationships are Important for Men

Men struggle with relationships - romantic partners, family, friends, coworkers etc. Some men avoid relationships altogether through movements like "men going their own way." However, strong relationships provide several key benefits for men: Longevity Married men tend to live longer than single men, especially if the marriage is a strong, connected one. When a wife passes away, the widowed husband often dies soon after of "a broken heart." Lower Suicide Risk Men with solid relationships have lower tendencies towards suicide compared to isolated men. Friends will notice if a man starts withdrawing and pull him back out. Happiness Overall, married men report being happier than single men. Having masculine friendships pushes men to get out, try new activities and adventures they wouldn't alone. Benefits Men Seek in Relationships

Words of affirmation/praise Respect Connection/security Physical touch (both platonic and romantic) Men are often the "romantics" craving spice from their wives Importance of Male Friendships

Allow men to be their full, uninhibited selves Provide positive masculine energy that balances feminine energy from romantic partners Men learn from each other and push each other to grow Having a tight community of male friends is crucial Challenges to Building/Maintaining Friendships

Many men lack close friendships - estimates of 15% having no close friends Online friendships are not a full substitute for in-person connection Romantic partners sometimes pressure men to drop male friends Men must be willing to stand up to this "test" from partners to keep respected friendships Bryan's Plug for Coaching Services

For men wanting to improve their relationships (romantic or platonic) 3-month coaching package to change perspectives on relationships Connect with Bryan through the website to take advantage of a discounted offer Overall, the episode argues that all kinds of relationships - romantic, family, friendships - are vital for men's mental health, life satisfaction, personal growth, and even longevity. Building a strong community of male friends is particularly emphasized.

( 00:00 ) Introduction to The Relaxed Male ( 00:32 ) The Importance of Relationships ( 06:48 ) Benefits of Strong Relationships ( 11:22 ) Specific Benefits for Men ( 18:29 ) The Importance of Male Friendships ( 24:05 ) The Role of Community in Men's Lives

Why do we get participation trophies?

Easy bump of Satisfaction

Empty victory

How are you giving yourself participation trophies?

Staying busy for the sake of busy or are you actually taking steps to go forward?

Finding other things to do than what needs to be done.

Buffering

Example watching porn is you taking the participation prixe instead of actually building the connection withyour wife so that you have that much wanted intamacy.

How are you taking the participation trophies of life? How are you going to stop? let me know in the comments section below.

Want to start reaching for the real trophies in life? To do so take the next step

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Summary

The episode argues that many people, especially men, settle for metaphorical "participation trophies" in their relationships instead of putting in the hard work required for a truly fulfilling relationship. Just like kids getting participation trophies in sports for merely showing up, adults give themselves participation trophies in relationships by engaging in avoidance behaviors and buffering techniques like drinking, watching porn, playing video games, etc. instead of doing the emotional labor to build intimacy.

The host says these participation trophies in relationships provide an "empty victory" and hollow satisfaction, preventing true growth. For example, watching porn is the participation trophy instead of putting in effort to foster emotional and sexual intimacy with one's partner. Drinking after a hard day is the participation trophy instead of having a real discussion about issues with a spouse.

The host urges men to stop settling for these relationship participation trophies. Instead, put in the work like pursuing personal growth, having vulnerable conversations, doing activities to nurture the relationship, etc. - which leads to the true "win" of a rich, fulfilling partnership. Giving up the participation trophy mindset and buffering behaviors is hard, but necessary to achieve relationship success beyond just going through the motions.

00:00:00 The Impact of Participation Trophies 00:11:31 Striving for Success Beyond Participation Trophies 00:16:27 Taking Action to Remove Participation Trophies

Why do we appear to turn to pain

Why do we put ourselves through these ordeals?

• We overeat
• Face hangovers
• Withdrawals

We would rather face pain than Find satisfaction

Why do we want more pain in our lives?

Pain is a better motivator than pleasure.

It is too scary to avoid the pain

scarcity in our lives

Not being intentional

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Summary

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, the host delves into the intriguing topic of pain and its role as a motivator in life. Pain seems to have a paradoxical effect on humans, both repelling and attracting us. From childhood, we are drawn to experiences that involve pain, whether it's testing our physical limits or seeking thrills. As we grow older, our relationship with pain becomes more complex, as we navigate the fine line between seeking pleasure and avoiding discomfort.

The discussion reflects on how individuals often choose to endure familiar pain rather than face the unknown challenges that could lead to fulfillment. This avoidance of necessary discomfort can manifest in various ways, such as overeating, substance abuse, or failing to take proactive steps toward personal and professional growth. The speaker emphasizes the importance of confronting fears and stepping out of comfort zones to achieve true fulfillment in life.

The conversation touches on the concept of a scarcity mindset and how it can drive individuals to seek temporary pleasures that ultimately result in greater pain. By reframing perspectives and adopting intentional actions, one can break free from self-imposed limitations and unlock a realm of possibilities. The speaker illustrates the power of shifting mindset towards gratitude, abundance, and proactive decision-making in order to pursue meaningful relationships and personal growth.

Through candid self-reflection, the host acknowledges his own struggles with stepping into discomfort, particularly in the realm of professional endeavors. The episode concludes with an invitation for listeners to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth by reaching out for coaching support. By embracing challenges, facing fears, and embracing discomfort, individuals can pave the way toward a more fulfilling and empowered existence.

00:00:00 Introduction 00:04:53 Facing Overeating 00:11:41 Freedom from Discomfort 00:18:20 Seeking Fulfillment 00:20:10 Embracing Discomfort

Never stop learning

Read

listen to podcasts

Try new things

Follow your curiosity

Get out and enjoy the fresh air Go on a quest to find your purpose

Do something scary

Find a group of noble men to hang out with

Porn is not your friend

Dating

When it comes to dating know what type of girl you want in your life. Yeah, there are the physical attributes but what character traits do you want in your wife?

Date with the purpose of marriage

Don't rush take a year to get to know her and then a year for the engagement. During this time Do some couples counseling and find out what she expects in marriage and share what you expect in marriage. Find out what each of you are going to bring to the table. Have some hard nos in place but also know when to be lenient on your standards. You aren't going to find the perfect woman.

Look out for girls that are damsels in distress because you get a distressed damsel. You don't want a woman that you are always rescuing.

Understand what respect is and does she actually respect you?

What are your values? What are her values? are they compatible?

Is she stable when she is upset or is she throwing temper tantrums?

Does she have daddy issues?

Is she talking about her ex's all the time

How does she treat her parents in general

How much responsibility does she take?

How quickly is she saying she loves you?

How are your friends and family responding to her?

Are there double standards?

Tries to separate you from your male friends?

Tries to separate you from your family

Talking about other people's secrets

Has mental health issues

Always in panic mode

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Summary

In this episode, I delve into the message for young men, aiming to provide guidance on navigating life's challenges and relationships. I emphasize the importance of intentional living and setting clear goals to achieve success. It's crucial for men to establish standards and values when it comes to relationships, understanding red flags to watch out for in potential partners. I discuss the significance of finding a compatible partner who aligns with your core values, respects you, and shares mutual goals. I highlight the impact of mental health issues in relationships, urging caution and advocating for healthy dynamics. Additionally, I touch on the dynamic of separateness from friends and family, emphasizing the need to preserve these relationships amidst romantic involvements. Furthermore, I address the role of physical attraction in relationships, while highlighting the underlying importance of shared values and respect in fostering a strong connection. I caution against falling into the trap of rescuing a damsel in distress, emphasizing the need for partnership based on mutual support and stability. I also stress the need for intentional dating, prioritizing meaningful connections over physical attraction. Ultimately, I encourage young men to approach relationships with intentionality, setting clear standards and boundaries to ensure healthy and fulfilling partnerships. By prioritizing respect, open communication, and shared values, men can cultivate strong, lasting relationships that contribute positively to their lives. Thank you for listening, and remember to share this valuable insight with others who may benefit.

00:00:00 Introduction to The Relaxed Male 00:02:45 The Unique Challenges Men Face 00:07:44 Continuous Learning and Growth 00:12:13 Misconceptions About Men in Society 00:13:27 Finding Your Purpose and Facing Fears 00:18:58 The Importance of Intentional Relationships 00:22:25 Choosing the Right Partner for Marriage 00:25:18 Taking Time to Know Your Partner 00:27:27 Planning for a Successful Future Together 00:31:36 Building a Strong Foundation in Relationships 00:39:46 Key Red Flags in a Potential Partner 00:43:50 Seeking Clarity and Guidance in Relationships 00:45:18 Special Coaching Offer for Personal Growth

This is a special Message for girls who are 12 and up

You have the power

You have always had power in a relationship

you have a purpose

You just have to find it.

Dont do what society says

Society wants to tell you that a powerful woman sleeps with many men

No, you have more power than that. Yes you can manipulate men with your breasts and what is between your legs but that is cheating yourself

You are not held back by some all-scary patriarchy. First look at what a patriarch is, It is the oldest man in the family, ie your grandfather. If you are being held back by anything it is by your own thoughts.

Men find you sexier and more attractive when you dress up with a bit of modesty.

Wearing revealing clothes just makes you look easy when you are single. Yes, you can appear more sexy when worn from time to time. but that only fully works when you are married and you and your husband are out at a social event.

You have more power over men than feminists want to admit. You ask nicely and men will crawl across a desert of broken glass just to give you refreshing iced tea.

You do have to bring something a relationship what is it? Yes, we men are easy, just show us boobs and hand us a sandwich and we are generally happy creatures for the most part. Yet there is more. Men will work themselves to the bone for their woman but they want something for their efforts.

But we want our women to push us. to encourage us on our adventures. We want our beauties by our sides.

Do your damnedest to stay sexually pure. this is for your enjoyment as much as your husband. when you sleep with a guy outside of marriage you sadly cheapen yourself and at the same time, you rob your future husband of a fuller richer connection. Because we do take sex to mean more than just a quick release. Sex has a bigger meaning for men. It is how we see our worth. Is our wife willing to have sex with us after we have worked long and hard slaying dragons? No? then what is wrong with us? How and where did we men fail?

Understand that men do have emotions

Men do share their emotions. They just don't share them as women do.

We need other men around.

with out other men we lose the masculinity we need in our life

Don't try to fix men.

You will wonder where the man you fell in love with went.

Summary

In this episode, I address young women, from ages 12 to about 30, and discuss the challenges they face in finding a good partner in today's society. I emphasize the power that women already possess, contrary to societal messages that may suggest otherwise.

I highlight the importance of maintaining purity before marriage and the value it brings to a relationship. Additionally, I delve into the emotional aspects of men, the significance of male friendships, and the creation of value in relationships. I stress the role of personal growth and the importance of making choices that enhance one's value and contribute positively to relationships.

By challenging societal norms and encouraging individual empowerment, I aim to guide young women towards building fulfilling and successful partnerships in their lives.

00:00:00 Empowering Young Women 00:01:02 A Message for the Women 00:01:32 Addressing the Struggles 00:02:50 Finding Valuable Men 00:03:37 Sensitivity and Uncomfortable Truths 00:04:06 Embracing Your Power 00:04:29 Debunking Myths and Stereotypes 00:07:07 Decisiveness and Differences in Approach 00:07:57 Harnessing Your Power 00:09:06 The Value of Modesty 00:11:28 Understanding Men's Emotions 00:12:38 Importance of Quality Male Friendships 00:13:33 Building a Strong Relationship 00:16:30 Cherishing Your Identity 00:20:24 The Beauty of Sexual Purity 00:21:34 Emotional Expression in Men 00:24:15 The Weight of Sexual Choices 00:26:46 Importance of Mutual Respect 00:28:18 Impact of Social Circles 00:29:47 Learning from Mistakes 00:30:32 Contribution to Relationship Value 00:31:01 Investing in Future Relationships