BIIIIIG trigger check on today's episode, lil onions. Lots of themes of body dysmorphia, depression, and self-hatred. The siblings are unpacking one of 2024's most jaw-dropping films, The Substance. Featuring Demi Moore in all her former and current glory alongside a stunning performance by Margaret Qualley as her other self (and Dennis Quaid is here doing his best Vince McMahon impression.) We follow one fading actress' desperate attempt to stay relevant when she buys a black market drug guaranteed to create a better version of the self. Carie is obviously very fascinated and disgusted by the body horror elements while Ross slows down on the body dysmorphia, and both siblings ruminate on the film's visual display of self-hatred, and the violence people do to their bodies to feel better about themselves without grappling with their own perspectives on that self. 

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WOOOOF. Anyone else feeling a little complacent in their relationship, lil onions? That's today's topic de jour. The siblings follow the story of a couple moving from the big city to the middle of East Jesus nowhere where they are beset upon by a mysterious force that compels them to be fused together for life. Ross is befuddled by the lack of McReadiness in the couples' misfortunes, Carie is mystified how a school teacher and out of work musician afforded a house in upstate New York. And the siblings discuss the age old question in many relationships: Do we really love each other, or are we just used to each other?

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Ross is underwhelmed, lil onions. For our last July coverage, Ross wanted to revisit an old favorite, Clint Eastwood's Absolute Power (1997). Today follows the story of Luther Whitney, a master jewel thief who accidentally witnesses a terrible crime committed by the most powerful man in the world (allegedly). Carie actually finds the movie more entertaining than she remembers, but only when characters aren't speaking. Ross is dismayed again to realize one of his childhood mainstays isn't the boner jam he remembers. And the siblings remark on the batshit bananas plot, and how the ending is unbelievably messy.

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It's an experiment today, lil onions. This audio comes to us from a test recording of a filmed episode with the help of our lovely friend, Bailey Shelton. Not sure what we're going to do with it just yet, but in the meantime, please enjoy our noise. Today the siblings break down one of the greatest American comedy classics, Eddie Murphy's Coming to America (1988). Eddie Murphy plays multiple roles for the first time in his career in telling the story of a young African prince who comes to America in search of a bride to avoid an arranged marriage. Between Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall, Ross can't decide who's cuter. Carie feels sympathetic female rage for the lovely Lisa. And the siblings cannot believe how many warm and fuzzies they have about what is otherwise a fool ass film. 

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Happy Pride, lil onions! Raise your hand if you've ever been bullied because you can't dance. Now raise the other hand if it was at the hands of your own cult. That's right, the siblings are finally talking about Cats (1998). Carie and Ross break down the absolute fever dream that is Andrew Lloyd Webber's reimagining of T.S. Eliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats. Carie ragebaits Ross by bringing up the disastrous Tom Hooper adaptation. Ross puzzles over the real reason why Grizabella is ostracized from the kitty cat cult. And the siblings reflect on the message of the musical concerning mortality, regret, and grief over what life was like in youth. 

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This week, Ross introduces Carie to the absolute delight that is Sister Act (1992), a film about a lounge singer who witnesses a murder and is forced to hide out in a convent of nuns. Ross has a lot of feelings on the arrangements of Sister Mary Clarence's lounge tunes in the church choir. Carie's heart is stolen by a sweet young nun with a surprisingly big voice. And surprisingly, the siblings see the power that Catholic guilt has in taking on the mafia. 

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Continuing the theme of disturbing animated films, the siblings break down Don Bluth's visual masterpiece, The Secret of NIMH (1982). Ross throughout questions creative diversions from the Robert C. O'Brien novel, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, mostly the introduction of a magic rock that gives a rodent powers. Carie relives the trauma that is the Great Owl, who lives in the scariest tree in the woods. Ross declares that Trump would have supported Jenner's coup, and the siblings remark on why the government wants you illiterate and lazy. 

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WHAT DO YOU MEEEEEANNNN there is a cult of appliances in the woods? This week is so core for us, lil onions as we revisit some traumatizing animation. We see characters being dismembered, drowned, crushed to death, IT'S A LOT! but above it all, at least we have toaster, the heart, the soul, our sweet cheese, our good time guy (?)

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One sequel to rule them all, little onions. This week, we're unpacking one of Ross's cherished faves, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. In a welcomed change of pace from last episode's Spy Kids debacle, the siblings are falling in love all over again with Gary Marshall's adorable expansion on Meg Cabot's characters. There's laughter, there's intrigue, there's Chris Pine. Ross geeks out on the level of detail given to Genovian culture in the film. Carie unironically weeps more than once somehow. And the siblings once again embroil themselves in a film theory that the queen, her bodyguard, and her secretary are in a love triangle. 

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Woof. Uhh...wherrrrre to begin? This movie is not what we remember guys. This week the siblings unpack the Spy Kids sequel that is a consistent disappointment. From the bloated CGI to the lazy writing, the eyes keep on rolling. Ross is over the stupidity of the adults in the film. Carie is hurting for the family-forward spirit of the original. And yeah, there's that one cool line, but you might agree that its the singular best thing about it. 

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It's too long, lil onions. Ross is so hype this week to talk about one of his favorite albeit middling movies, King Kong (2005). Ross is caught up in the world of the 1930s that pushes a struggling actress to take a job from a rando that involves sailing to the middle of the ocean to an island no one ever comes back from to film a B-movie featuring a primatus colossus. Carie cannot possibly care about the human love story that's in the middle of all that somewhere. And the siblings both have a lot of love for Naomi Watts' uncanny performance as Miss Anne Darrow, the one true love of King Kong's life. 

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