Today I'm joined by Mark Siedler and Lynetta Avery. They work with people who keep finding themselves in the same relationship situations having the same arguments, feeling pulled toward the same kinds of partners, and wondering why nothing they try seems to change it. Their work focuses on what's actually happening in the moment when things go sideways in relationships, and how to interrupt those patterns without blame, fixing, or therapy language. They speak from lived experience and offer practical ways to slow things down, see the pattern clearly, and respond differently when it matters most. This conversation we talked about ways we can begin to identify what patterns we tend to repeat in relationships, and how they almost always stem from childhood experiences.

What you didn't receive

as a child doesn't just disappear.

It becomes what you long for,

what you tolerate, and sometimes…

what you unknowingly repeat.

To connect with Mark and Lynetta:

https://whythiskeepshappening.com/

Check Out this New Resource:

Get Started Asking for What You Need!

Identify the healthy ways to negotiate needs and build trust in your relationships.

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/saywhatyouneed

Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here!

If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!

Need more? Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:

https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words

Hey! My signature course is live! I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program. Be sure to click here to check it out:

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/

Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

In this episode, we close out the month by bringing everything together: what it actually looks like to move out of reaction and into intention. When you begin to understand how fear shows up in your thoughts, your body, and your communication, something shifts. You start to see that not every urge, emotion, or sense of urgency needs to be followed. And in that awareness, a different kind of space opens up.

This conversation isn't about getting rid of fear. It's about changing your relationship with it. You'll begin to notice where you've been automatically reacting, and what becomes possible when you pause long enough to choose instead. Over time, those small moments of awareness begin to build something bigger: clarity, steadiness, and a stronger sense of self-trust.

Just because fear

shows up…

doesn't mean

it gets to

decide.

Check Out this New Resource:

Get Started Asking for What You Need!

Identify the healthy ways to negotiate needs and build trust in your relationships.

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/saywhatyouneed

Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here!

If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!

Need more? Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:

https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words

Hey! My signature course is live! I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program. Be sure to click here to check it out:

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/

Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

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Kristen Crabtree is the author of Be the You That's More You Than You've Ever Been and a self-revelation guide who helps people separate truth from adaptation so they can live from alignment rather than conditioning.

Her work is rooted in the idea that many of us don't lose ourselves all at once—we slowly adapt to expectations, relationships, and survival strategies until our original signal becomes difficult to hear. Rather than focusing on motivation or goal-setting, Kristen's approach centers on excavation: uncovering what is already true beneath layers of adaptation.

The problem isn't that

you don't know who you are. It's that you learned

to stop listening.

Kristen Crabtree:

https://www.paramourparadox.com/

• Try the Who Am I? self-inquiry exercise

• Explore free resources and reflection tools

• Schedule a conversation with Kristen

Check Out this New Resource:

Get Started Asking for What You Need!

Identify the healthy ways to negotiate needs and build trust in your relationships.

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/saywhatyouneed

Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here!

If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!

Need more? Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:

https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words

Hey! My signature course is live! I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program. Be sure to click here to check it out:

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/

Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

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Doug Fleener's story shows how small shifts can completely redirect a day and a life. He went from bankrupting his family business because of addiction to rebuilding his life and career — eventually becoming the Director of Retail for Bose Corporation and later a CEO. That journey taught him the power of reframing challenges with one simple tool he now calls The What If Rule. Doug's new book, Start With What If: Weekly Questions to Spark Immediate Change and Growth, helps people turn everyday struggles into opportunities — at home, at work, and in life. Audiences love Doug because he's real, grounded, and practical. His message isn't theory — it's lived experience turned into simple, actionable insight that helps people see new perspectives and take immediate steps forward.

That's a What IF Moment:

A mental pivot that reframes

the way you see yourself,

your options,

and what's possible.

- Doug Fleener

Check out his free download at:

https://www.dougfleener.com/start-with-what-if

Check Out this New Resource:

Get Started Asking for What You Need!

Identify the healthy ways to negotiate needs and build trust in your relationships.

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/saywhatyouneed

Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here!

If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!

Need more? Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:

https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words

Hey! My signature course is live! I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program. Be sure to click here to check it out:

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/

Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

Why do we react before we think? Why does a simple conversation sometimes feel loaded, urgent, or overwhelming? In this episode, we explore what's happening inside your brain when fear takes the lead — and why your reactions can feel so convincing in the moment. You'll begin to understand how your nervous system learned to equate certain emotional experiences with danger, even when you're not actually unsafe.

We'll unpack the subtle signs that survival mode is running the show: in your body, your communication, and your decisions, and introduce one powerful question that can interrupt the cycle. If you've ever wondered why you over-explain, shut down, people-please, or react more strongly than you intended, this conversation will help you recognize what's happening and begin moving toward steadier ground.

There is a difference between

something being uncomfortable

and something being unsafe.

When you learn to tell the difference,

everything changes.

Check Out this New Resource:

Get Started Asking for What You Need!

Identify the healthy ways to negotiate needs and build trust in your relationships.

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/saywhatyouneed

Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here!

If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!

Need more? Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:

https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words

Hey! My signature course is live! I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program. Be sure to click here to check it out:

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/

Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

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We talk a lot about "good communication," but most of what people call good is actually just conflict avoidance. In this episode, we explore what emotionally mature communication really looks like — especially in the moments when it's hardest to stay steady.

If you've ever left a conversation replaying it in your head, wishing you'd said less, or said it differently, this one is for you. We'll unpack the subtle shifts that build trust instead of tension — and why accountability is one of the strongest relational skills you can develop.

Mature Communication

Is not silence.

It isn't people-pleasing.

It's not walking on eggshells.

Calm means regulated.

It means your tone matches your truth.

Without raising your voice.

You can say:

"That doesn't work for me.

"I need more notice."

"I'm not okay with that."

Check Out this New Resource:

Get Started Asking for What You Need!

Identify the healthy ways to negotiate needs and build trust in your relationships.

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/saywhatyouneed

Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here!

If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!

Need more? Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:

https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words

Hey! My signature course is live! I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program. Be sure to click here to check it out:

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/

Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

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In this episode, we continue the month's focus on choice by exploring how easily communication can become a way to manage discomfort instead of express truth. Many of us were taught that being clear means saying more, softening our message, or keeping others comfortable—but those habits often pull us further away from ourselves. This conversation invites you to look more closely at over-explaining and people-pleasing, not as communication issues, but as signals that detachment may be missing.

Together, we unpack why emotional honesty feels so hard when we're afraid of reactions, and how learning to detach can help you stay calm, grounded, and connected to your truth. Rather than offering scripts or quick fixes, this episode focuses on awareness, self-trust, and the quiet power of choice, especially in the small moments where we usually override ourselves.

Real communication

happens when you remember

you have a choice.

Check Out this New Resource:

Get Started Asking for What You Need!

Identify the healthy ways to negotiate needs and build trust in your relationships.

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/saywhatyouneed

Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here!

If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!

Need more? Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:

https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words

Hey! My signature course is live! I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program. Be sure to click here to check it out:

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/

Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

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In this episode, I explore why the struggle to speak up isn't usually about communication skills, but about what our discomfort reveals regarding boundaries, emotional maturity, and internal safety. Rather than focusing on what others are doing wrong, this conversation turns inward, helping listeners understand what's happening inside them when needs arise and why those moments can feel so charged.

You'll learn how early experiences shape your relationship with needs, how to tell the difference between needs, demands, and boundaries, and why recurring reactions like guilt, over-explaining, or shutting down are important signals — not personal flaws. This episode sets the foundation for a deeper month-long exploration of boundaries, choice, and healthy communication, offering a grounded starting point for anyone who wants to speak up without losing themselves.

Unmet needs don't disappear —

they leak out as resentment,

exhaustion, or self-doubt.

Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here!

If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!

Need more? Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:

https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words

Hey! My signature course is live! I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program. Be sure to click here to check it out:

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/

In this episode, I'm joined by Lisa Johnson, co-founder of Been There Got Out, for an important conversation about coercive control and high-conflict divorce. Together, we explore the critical difference between typical divorce conflict — which usually de-escalates over time — and controlling behavior that escalates, creating ongoing fear, instability, and exhaustion.

Lisa is a high-conflict divorce strategist and a certified domestic violence advocate who has successfully represented herself through scores of court appearances. Her case was published in the Connecticut Law Journal and is now being used as legal precedent...something that's incredibly rare for a self-represented litigant.

Her live testimony also helped pass Jennifer's Law in Connecticut, making it the third state in the country to expand its legal definition of domestic violence to include coercive control: a form of abuse that so many people experience, but often struggle to name or be taken seriously around.

Lisa and her partner, Chris, now coach people navigating high-conflict relationships, divorce, custody battles, and what many describe as co-parenting hell — helping them have the best possible outcome in family court and beyond. They also offer a weekly Legal Abuse Support Group for those dealing with narcissistic opponents in legal matters.

Lisa explains how coercive control can include manipulation, financial abuse, and legal abuse, often carried out in quiet, passive ways that are easily misunderstood or minimized. The episode sheds light on why some individuals never "cool down," how the legal system can be used as a tool of control, and why patience and better communication are not enough in these situations.

Domestic violence doesn't

always leave bruises.

It can look like creating fear

through quiet control,

financial strain, or legal pressure.

Find out more about Lisa here:

https://beentheregotout.com/

Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here!

If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!

Need more? Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:

https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words

Hey! My signature course is live! I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program. Be sure to click here to check it out:

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/

Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

Many people feel emotionally drained not because they care too much, but because they carry too much. In this episode, I explore why empathy often turns into exhaustion, especially for those who learned early to manage emotions and prevent conflict. We talk about how over-carrying impacts the nervous system, boundaries, and sense of self, even when relationships appear 'fine' on the surface.

This conversation looks at what healthy detachment actually is — and what it isn't. I break down the difference between empathy and emotional fusion, explain why emotional ownership matters, and share how staying grounded allows for deeper connection without self-loss. This episode is an invitation to stay compassionate and self-respecting at the same time.

Respect means

trusting others

to meet themselves

where they are.

Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here!

If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!

Need more? Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:

https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words

Hey! My signature course is live! I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program. Be sure to click here to check it out:

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/

Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour

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As a new year begins, many people feel the pull to reset, and at the same time, notice how hard it is to protect their energy, time, and emotional space. In this episode, I explore why boundaries can feel especially tender right now, particularly when the world feels uncertain or overwhelming. We talk about how stress and fear impact our nervous systems, and why this context matters when we're trying to show up with clarity and self-respect.

I share insights on recognizing when boundaries are being tested in subtle ways, how to respond without guilt or defensiveness, and why healthy boundaries don't damage relationships — they actually make them safer and more honest. This episode is an invitation to practice clarity with compassion, especially when it feels uncomfortable or new.

Their repeated confusion

about your boundary

is rarely confusion.

It's avoidance

of accountability.

Get your FREE Boundaries Ebook here!

If you're ready to find your voice, set healthy boundaries, and create more fulfilling relationships, this guide is your roadmap!

Need more? Check out the Masterclass on Reclaiming Your Voice:

https://www.findyourvoicecourse.com/beyond-words

Hey! My signature course is live! I am so excited to also offer a free upgrade to the group coaching program. Be sure to click here to check it out:

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/

Need coaching? Sign up here for your Power Hour, where you and I can get you started on your confidence journey!

https://findyourvoicecourse.com/power-hour