“Caernarfon Heritage Steam Train, why must you forsake me?” Now that’s a taste of what to expect on this episode. The next step in Elis’s English language stand up return has hit the buffers as he plays a room which isn’t Europe’s best gig. Just how can he produce laughs from wealth managers when Llanfairfechan Community Centre is some of the best stuff in his arsenal?

Fear not however, because the bit about a big table in a miners’ institute is always ready to go in emergencies.

But it’s not all anxiety dreams, as we take a journey into the forest mind via John’s new mantra for life. There’s also one of our greatest jingles ever and a game which Elis hates, thus meaning great aural enjoyment for yourselves.

Want to get in touch? Your go-to’s are [email protected] on email and 07974 293022 on WhatsApp, which is like text messages but also works on internet only SIM packages.

John has had a nice time. So join us on a journey as Britain’s most normal man goes on holiday to Scotland. Now, we’ve been here before, and we can promise that this time it involves far less emotionally intense visits to various Celtic car parks.

Elis’s return to English language stand up also continues apace. It’s going so well that he’s going to play a room where the average age is about 22 and specialises in clowning. How does he play this?

We also receive more info on the great Dame Caroline Harriet Haslett.

Can you recommend any other types of salmon? If you can, then email [email protected] or WhatsApp in on 07974 293022

It’s a definition bumper pack show today as we cram as much goodness as we possibly can into a single podcast episode. Think of us as one of those fruit shots; it’s pure podcasting distilled into a single hit.

The main ingredient is friend of the show Josh Widdicombe, who pops by to talk all things pop culture. He’s adding a new wing to his podcast empire and Elis and John have suggestions. Josh also provides a boots-on-the-ground review of Elis’s recent return to standup, and lifts the lid on his lofty ambitions.

Widdicombe aside, John returns to a simpler time, a more fruit-game-based time. But he ain’t slicing, no, no. This time, he’s merging.

And the fun doesn't stop there as Elis attempts to arrest the Cymru Connection slide by asking a caller if they've ever bought baguettes in Cardiff. It’s vintage stuff.

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Who’s that unrecognisable figure sat across from John!? He looks full of beans, he looks young and vibrant. Why, it’s Circuit Elis! And he’s so back.

After playing the country’s most bafflingly playable gig, Elis’s mood and confidence are at an all time high. He’s perfected his opening gambit, he’s got the country’s best bullet-pointed set. That is until John bursts his bubble…

John on the other hand talks us through his miracle morning that comes complete with its own (and very on brand) acronym. He also describes how he’s recently boarded the porridge train, before sending a listener to the sin bin for challenging the autonomy of the UK plug.

You know what they say; if you come for Dame Caroline Harriet Haslett DBE’s Type G UK plug, you best not miss.

Send in your plug eulogies to [email protected] or WhatsApp them to 07974 293 022 (preferable using a plugged in appliance).

Today’s show is one of peaks and troughs as everyone experiences their ups and downs. John puts forward a very questionable defence against a hypothetical crime, and Elis rails at scoring badly on an intelligence test.

On the flip side, the state of John’s brain receives numerous plaudits, and Elis tells an Oscar-worthy joke. It’s classic light and shade.

Elsewhere, Dave takes the team down memory lane by invoking Project Spice, as the boys taste a variety of hot chilli sauces that are guaranteed to blow their heads off. Elis attempts to kick-start the Cymru Connection, we learn about JohnTech (‘mainly tech stuff’), and Elis gets blindsided by a historical meeting with a bloke on holiday who kept saying that Sheffield was massive.

Emails and WhatsApps to [email protected] and 07974 293022 respectively please.

2026 is a big year for Johnny JR as he sets his sights on winning the London Marathon. And with Dave lacing up his cheating shoes to pound the P of London’s streets as well, the team have quezzies.

Luckily today’s episode features a man who is more than capable of answering said quezzies: friend of the show and running guru Ben Parkes. It’s his job to help John hack the London Marathon. Godspeed Ben.

But fear not, it’s not all running chat. Elis has been on the TV, John is (like Meatloaf) out of hell, and there’s a cornucopia of call centre celeb stories to read.

Keep your ears peeled for some fine Mad Daddery featuring ancient ONS maps, and the team imagine how John would fare on I’m A Celebrity.

Reader of this description, send us an email! The address is [email protected] and the WhatsApp is 07974 293 022.

Could 2026 be the year that Elis and John change beyond recognition? And we’re not talking spiritually or even emotionally; we’re talking physically. Because Elis aims to bolster his handsomeness across the calendar year, and John toys with the prospect of going bagless under the old peepers.

Cosmetic surgery aside, John has written up a 28 point plan for if he became World King. Luckily he lost confidence in delivering all 28 points, but do watch this space.

And we kick off Elis’s Annus Connectus by delving back into the nation's favourite pastime: the Cymru Connection. It all ends with Elis asking a random Welsh person whether they know a tech guy from a random theatre who once said he liked the Beatles. Normal Cymru Connecting resumed then.

Send in your wonderful correspondence to [email protected] or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

It may be a new year, but it’s an old John we find on today’s podcast. An attempted new year’s resolution meant the odd tear was shed, and now he’s in hell. But it’s not all bad, because he does have the cleanest crotch in show business thanks to a hand sanitiser mishap.

Spirits get lifted by a visit from our in-house statistician, our very own Andy Zaltzman, Statman Ross. He reveals that John’s Made Up Game stats are akin to those of Roger Federer, and there’s confirmation that Elis can certainly go down as one of the big 4 MUG winners of his generation. An aural heat map is drawn up of Elis’s connecting hotspots, and some geographical blind spots present themselves.

Elsewhere there are celeb call centre tales, and Dave sheds light on his brief stint as a professional Mario Kart racer.

Do you have some correspondence to lift John out of hell? Send them to [email protected] or WhatsApp 07974 293 022.

The year 2025 will forever be remembered as the year of Elis and John. It will be remembered for John's wins and losses, for Elis's car antics. It will be remembered for Tim Key's John snub, for Elis cementing the Cymru Connection into the Welsh psyche. It will be remembered for James Acaster's searing takedowns, for Dave's alarm disaster, and for the four words: 'it was oil again'.

As Elis and John set sail into the new year, it's time to look back at the wake of good content they've left behind.

Expect paint in car footwells, a surprise appearance from Lou and a chaotic Made Up Game for the ages.

Please continue to send in your fantastic correspondence to [email protected], or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

Put the wrapping paper down, turn off Home Alone and stop stressing about a glorified Sunday roast… the true meaning of Christmas has finally been revealed to us, and would you believe it, it’s Elis and John!

Yes, everything in this festive period has been leading up to Elis and John’s Christmas Cracker, and boy does it deliver on festive cheer. Because what’s more Christmassy than a debate about TVs in hotel rooms, or a 45-year-old man getting lost in pictures of the 1950s footballer Tom Finney, (aka The Preston Plumber)?

Unwrapping this podcast with your ears will also reveal a not-so-secret secret Santa, some yuletide Mad Daddery, and a chat with a very busy Mother Christmas.

But festive cheer is not the only thing on today’s agenda because we’re also celebrating 500 episodes of the BBC era! Elis and John relive some moments from their very first show and the ghosts of Christmas Past Simon Mayo and Mark Kermode stop by to play a Made Up Game and chat Christmas flicks.

Thanks for all your tip-top correspondence this year, and may 2026 bring even better emails and WhatsApps about oils, guffs and inappropriate school trips. Send everything into [email protected] or WhatsApp 07974 293 022.

John's eaten two helpings of pancakes and we’re in a race against time. Can this bantercast cram in enough badinage before one of its hosts succumbs to a sugar crash? It’s a question that’s been asked many times before, and one that will no doubt be asked again, but it’s a critical question nonetheless.

Elis has spent the week telling his wife Isy that he ‘must be alone’ in order to finish John’s book. He successfully wrangled enough solo time to do so and delivers his verdict. It’s praise all round, but Dave appears to come out of it badly.

Elsewhere it’s peak Christmas. Listener gifts are opened, Elis is dreading his drive to Cardiff, and John doesn’t want to talk about his Christmas lest the show turn into another mental health podcast.

And we end on the question: how do you inject digital oil into a podcast to make it rise to the top? Answers on a postcard.

All Elis and John want for Christmas is your correspondence, so send it to: [email protected], or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.