Today we ask the question: what would a world without Dave look like? A Daveless world. Imagine a sliding doors moment where a sterner producer was given the reins in 2014. Fast forward to late 2025 and in the studio, almost certainly, Elis would still be eating or have forgotten to come in. John would have vape hot boxed himself into a coma. Do not underestimate his impact.

No Dave and no wise words of “Be careful Elis” after one presenter has deployed a “Is that it?!” to John’s detailing his once every six months busy day.

Around such questioning, John also unveils Craig Bellamy’s autobiography (inc. typos) and a senior writer at Rolling Stone gets in touch. Elsewhere, there’s news of more Noel Edmonds hysteria, quite significant gunge chat and a dead silly mad dad. Oh what are those dads like!

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What does an already packed show need to make it feel complete? That’s right, it’s an 8 minute intro (or just under a 5th of an Edinburgh show...) and an 8 minute Noel Edmonds apologia. This show is nothing if not disciplined.

Once we’re all intro’ed and up-to-date on the elements of Edmonds, it’s content content content. John does some winning and losing, Elis does some Cymru Connecting, and everyone plays a great Made Up Game that has John declaring God is real.

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Oil rises to the top of the content liquid again, primarily because of its lower density. It’s hard to remove as we know, so there’s a slick across the episode clogging our feathers.

So what are your oils? More importantly, what are Adrian’s oils? And will John insist on going through all the smoke points of all the oils? Questions that are all answered within.

Plus, Elis has got deep into a karaoke hell cubicle, Producer Dave’s left his bags at a sex shop and John once again stays in touch with the cultural zeitgeist.

“Unless they set cryptic crosswords for The Times, are in Geese or are Brian Eno I don’t know who they are.”

The Bureau is of course available on Saturday only on the universe-leading BBC Sounds.

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With something being filmed just outside the studio we’re lucky Elis and John made it in for today’s episode. John was very nearly accosted to fill the leading role, and Elis was just about able to peel his eyes away from potential live blunders. Thank goodness for the boys’ dedication to #content.

Away from the glitz and glamour of a film set, Elis and Dave have both been battling with bed bugs, one with a more incendiary technique than the other...

The Cymru Connections is back, a great Made Up Game is played, and there’s even some live crosswording.

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John has had enough of apologies. He wants action and results. Combine that with John being notified about every business expense, and you get a very scared Elis and Dave.

But sometimes it’s fear that instils results - or more importantly top quality content. This is how Sir Alex would want it.

Meanwhile the more be-thighed of the two has had enough of clouds. He doesn’t ever want to look down at them again - something which would undoubtedly baffle the forward thinking Victorians.

And what oils have you got? Let us know via [email protected] and 07974 293 044 on WhatsApp.

As John returns from yet another triumphant, nay groundbreaking eye-climbing tour of the Alps, there are a few questions on everybody’s lips: What records did he break this time? Was he able to stick to the confusing speed limits of Swiss roads? And more importantly, what would the future of the BBC look like under the tutelage of the great eye-climber himself, Johnny JR?

Wins are totted up, losses are struck off, and a new future for the BBC is hammered out. Watch out prime-time TV, Wordle is coming for you.

A major player in the new BBC will be Ania Magliano, who stops by to get pelters about her boggle gameplay. In the vein of all good guests she comes bearing gifts; a cracking Made Up Game that gets the boys’ brains and feet working.

Send in your suggestions for a BBC backed by its youngest broadcaster John Robins to [email protected], or WhatsApp 07974 293 022.

It’s a big big week. No phoning it in this time. No no, as this is the most politically significant balanced podcast in the UK.

Finally, the call of the nation has been answered. John Robins has been in the corridors of power. If you notice general efficiency being raised by 0.12% in UK PLC this week then you have one man to thank - external factors notwithstanding.

He brought up the economy. He brought up the welfare state. He brought up international affairs. And Elis was there. And John did all of this whilst having a prawn tempura in his pocket.

It’s a visit to the PM one minute, the next it’s the most expensive Chinese John has ever had surrounded by horrible people. The duality of life.

And yet somehow despite all these matters of import we get to Geese chat within the first 2 minutes.

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Elis and John are joined by the UK’s ‘most confusing prospect’, aka Tom Rosenthal, to talk affairs, internet fads and conspiracy theories. We also learn what their respective approaches to golf can teach us about John (The James Milner of golf) and Tom (The Diego Maradona of golf).

Elsewhere there are revelations and tears in the Cymru Connection, and a Made Up Game that tests just how much Elis and John know each other. Oh, and Elis is in a pantomime.

If this show were a steam ship chugging through the oceans of chat, then your emails would be the steam powering us on. So send us your steam on [email protected] or WhatsApp 07974 293 022.

Are Elis and John’s stars in the ascendant? Are we on the edge of James and Robins becoming household names? Can you imagine John staring down the camera and gleefully shouting ‘Keep Dancing’?

These questions and more are explored as Elis and John put forward their cases to be the next presenters of the BBC’s flagship entertainment show, Strictly Come Dancing.

Elsewhere it’s pure Zeitgeist chat (or should we say Zeitgeest thanks to John’s recent music obsession), including: train etiquette, the previous nine Prime Ministers as foods, and what the hell does 6 7 mean?

Do you want to back project Elis and John on Strictly? Do you want to share your thoughts on modern-day train etiquette? In short, do you want to contribute to the Zeitgeist? Then get in touch via [email protected] or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

After a frantic morning of plucking and preening, Elis and John are confronted with the beautiful sight of Greg James. Eyelashes are fluttered, beauty tips are garnered, and in a wonderful showing of modern masculinity, four men chat about their hair care routines. And before he can go, Greg’s radio credentials are put to the test in a classic Made Up Game from the vault.

Swooning fanfares aside, John introduces Elis to the world of slam poetry and a potential new hobby, and the Cymru Connector-in-Chief tries to connect with a caller from Carmarthen.

If you have something of value to contribute send it to [email protected], or WhatsApp 07974 293 022.

Strap in folks, it’s time for some more Wordle chat! You thought we were done with it? No sir, we, well John, has only just got started. But luckily this is X-rated Wordle chat. Sexy content which really spices up the barrel-scraping etymological discussions.

In other happenings, can you explain the Richter scale to a child when at the football? There’s also a week of many wins and losses involving sobriety, aniseed and free coats. Plus, a listener nails this show like no one has before: self-hatred, mouse catching and brand avoidance.

Can you contribute to that powerful triumvirate of topics? Well get it over to [email protected] or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

And remember, for you BBC Sounds consumers, there’s brand new Bureau available on Saturday morning.