This podcast episode features Certified Professional Coach Mary Ann Palmer who shares her struggles with denial about the severity of her son’s addiction and how she overcame it. She addresses misconceptions about addiction and stresses the importance of family support in the recovery process. Mary Ann emphasizes the need for patience and persistence due to the long-term nature of recovery. She also provides insights on managing a child's cravings, identifying triggers, and the benefits of community support. She advises working with a professional coach and continuous self-education. Chris and Mary Ann challenge the idea of waiting for a loved one to reach their lowest point before considering stepping in to help.

Episode Highlights

• The story of her mother's addiction and her brother suffering from alcohol use disorder and eventually passing sober
• The notable moment when she found her son's backpack full of empty beer bottles and had her first acceptance of the fact that there was something wrong
• The assumption and denial stage in which most parents are in when they seek out help
• The final time her son went to rehab was his path to sobriety, as he did so after finding out that his girlfriend was pregnant
• Her son's momentary relapse after a year of sobriety when she found him drunk in their kitchen
• How she strategized her response to her son's relapse using the CRAFT methodology and displayed calmness instead of anger, resulting in a constructive conversation
• The usefulness of the term "influence" in managing addictive behavior
• The exercise she uses to explain what addiction feels like to the person suffering from it
• What drew her to peer coaching and how she decided to help parents going through what she went through in dealing with a child suffering addiction
• How you can start preparing a plan and potentially writing a contract for relapse situations
• The importance of positively reinforcing good behaviors

Links and Resources from this Episode

• https://whyintervention.com/
• https://twitter.com/whyintervention
• https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/
• https://www.maryanncpalmer.com/
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-ann-c-palmer  

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Chris and Danny provide a walkthrough of what to expect during a professionally led family intervention process.

Episode Highlights

• Danny shares a recent case of a concerned mother and father whose adult son is facing alcoholism
• The need to have professionally guided conversations when talking about issues of addiction or treatment
• The methodology of leading with love and concern in interventions
• How a problematic behavior is caused by addiction or alcoholism
• The issue of families confronting addiction on a surface level, rather than a deeper, more meaningful level
• Reinforcing the importance of seeking professional guidance in conducting interventions
• How interventions are not about ambushing or deceiving the person suffering from addiction, but are aimed at creating a directed, loving, and caring conversation to encourage them to agree to get help
• Common beliefs families endure, like waiting for their loved one to hit rock bottom before they can get help

Links and Resources from this Episode

• https://whyintervention.com/
• https://twitter.com/whyintervention
• https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs
• https://www.amazon.com/Intervention-Help-Someone-Doesnt-Want/dp/0935908315
• https://www.amazon.com/Love-First-Familys-Guide-Intervention/dp/1592856616  

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Chris had guest Brinn Flagg to discuss her personal and professional experience with handling other people's addictions. She shares her knowledge on addiction and codependency. She suggests clear communication and boundary setting and stresses the need for individual recovery work. The decision to leave an addicted partner is complex and personal, and continuing personal growth after leaving is crucial to prevent repeating toxic patterns. 

Episode Highlights

• How Brinn Flagg got into the field
• Her experience dating someone with an active addiction to prescription drugs which differed from her sister's heroin addiction
• The importance of learning about addiction to navigate its challenges and lend compassion towards loved ones in the throes of addiction
• Her relationship experience as a codependent partner to someone addicted to substances
• The nature of her partner’s addiction
• The benefits of recovering on her own and how seeking a coach led her to recognize harmful tendencies in relationships
• The complexities of dealing with family addiction, particularly concerning the high level of focus and concern on the addict
• Negative impacts of codependency on mental and physical health

Links and Resources from this Episode

• https://whyintervention.com/
• https://twitter.com/whyintervention
• https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs
• Connect with Brinn Flagg
• [email protected]
• https://www.brinnflagg.com/
• https://www.brinnflagg.com/work-with-me
• https://www.instagram.com/brinnflagg/  

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Chris and Danny talk about the mindset and perspective shift families gain by applying separation, empathy and compassion to their loved one's addiction.

Episode Highlights

• The concept of separating loved ones from their addiction
• Seeking information about addiction and recovery
• Separation, empathy, and compassion as tools to understand and handle addiction
• The hardships families face dealing with an addicted loved one
• The importance of separating the person from their addiction
• Substance abuse not being a moral failing, countering the stigma that people with substance use issues are inherently flawed or have made poor choices
• Who may be the most empathetic towards addiction?
• How to address a loved one in a situation like jail due to addiction
• Remember to “Take a S.E.C.” when you approach your addicted loved one
• Letting them off the hook: Understanding that they're 'hooked' on their addiction and can't unhook themselves without intervention

Links and Resources from this Episode

• https://whyintervention.com/
• https://twitter.com/whyintervention
• https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs
• Jessica Lahey's book "The Addiction Inoculation": https://a.co/d/cb3IUO1  

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Chris and Danny discuss the action steps you can expect to see your loved one taking when starting out in a 12-step program and what you can do to be helpful in their recovery journey.

Episode Highlights

• The importance of helping families understand the journey of the individual who is recovering
• How, as a loved one in recovery, attending 90 meetings in 90 days (a meeting everyday) can be essential along with the family supporting the individual
• Getting a sponsor and listening to suggestions The essential advice for loved ones returning home after treatment
• The sense of commitment and responsibility that being part of a home group can promote
• Importance of feeling good about oneself as a motivation to keep away from destructive, addictive behavior
• Using the 12-step recovery journey as a way to model recovery and provide support
• Behavioral changes that can take place through this process, helping the individual to become more truthful, reliable, and focused on helping others
• The concept of being 'restored to sanity' in every meeting attended and the subsequent shift in perspective that occurs
• How surrendering to the powerlessness over addiction is a crucial part of the journey
• How loved ones can support the recovery journey by creating conditions that allow sobriety to occur, despite the inability to control the outcome
• Some family members’ misconceptions about rehab after a relapse
• How an individual’s reflection on their powerlessness can be a turning point

Links and Resources from this Episode

• https://whyintervention.com/
• https://twitter.com/whyintervention
• https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs 

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Chris and Danny discuss personal experiences, parenthood, combating addiction, and interventions. They use the story of Chris’ recent trip to a gun range to relate to the process of addressing addiction, emphasizing the need for expert guidance and building new frames of reference. They discourage a lone wolf approach to dealing with addiction and urge listeners to seek professional help instead, based on personal experiences and observations with different families struggling with addiction. They narrate the importance of a robust support network and sharing experiences and problems with others.

Episode Highlights

• Christopher shares about his first trip to a gun range
• He draws parallels between the gun shooting lesson and interventions, emphasizing on the importance of expert guidance and trusting the process
• They compare a family's skepticism at the beginning of an intervention process to their disbelief  when it works out
• The importance of having a clear outcome in mind while dealing with a loved one suffering from addiction
• The importance of pointing someone struggling with a specific issue to someone who has experienced and conquered a similar issue
• The necessity to seek help from someone who understands the specifics of addiction and recovery rather than someone who merely sympathizes
• How families often remain silent because they do not know how to help their loved ones struggling with addiction
• The biggest challenge for addicts: Achieving day one of sobriety

Links and Resources from this Episode

• https://whyintervention.com/
• https://twitter.com/whyintervention
• https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs 

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Chris and Danny discuss the various similarities between fighting addiction and fighting a fire since Chris recently retired from the FDNY. They also discuss the importance of leverage, how intervention makes the once seemingly impossible now routine.

Episode Highlights

• The importance of not being discouraged by an initial "no" from an addicted loved one when suggesting rehab/treatment
• Does an addicted person need to be "ready" for treatment, or is it more like a game of hide and seek?
• How addicted individuals often want to stop their substance use, but struggle to act on it due to the nature of addiction
• Emphasizing the need to separate an addicted loved one from the substance and not believing any promises they make while still using
• How an individual's spirituality and clarity can be wiped out when using substances again
• The importance of setting constraints or boundaries for the family members in coping with their loved one's addiction
• Understanding the value of having the necessary skills to deal with a loved one's addiction and the importance of early intervention
• The effectiveness of coaching and support for family members in dealing with their loved one's addiction and creating a healthier family dynamic
• Sharing a story about a firefighter, emphasizing the importance of having a clear procedure and training for dealing with seemingly impossible situations
• The struggle of watching people resist help while knowing the potential benefits of intervention Links and Resources from this Episode
• https://whyintervention.com/
• https://twitter.com/whyintervention
• https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs
• https://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2022/05/11/passenger-lands-plane-after-pilot-incapacitated-sot-dlt-vpx.cnn
• https://www.samhsa.gov/data/sites/default/files/reports/rpt39443/2021NSDUHFFRRev010323.pdf  

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Chris and Danny discuss the crucial role of effective communication and support for families dealing with a loved one's addiction. They emphasize building resilience through facing adversity and failures. A new six-week closed group intensive is announced, aiming to teach families how to communicate effectively and support their loved ones in achieving lasting sobriety. The program offers tools, guidance, and peer support to participants.

Episode Highlights

• Initial family outreach and the complexity of cases
• How cases can resolve before an intervention is needed
• Introduction of the closed group intensive and its goals
• The importance of developing skills to help loved ones get sober
• Creating a recovery contract for future concerns
• Case success: wife's attentiveness gets husband back in treatment within 5 days of relapse
• The challenge of discussing suspicions without causing conflict
• The hesitation in discussing suspicions due to fear of worsening the situation
• The impact of past experiences on family members' thinking
• Case success: crafting effective communication to get a loved one into treatment
• The importance of trusting and following directions
• Trusting in experts to understand the situation
• Narrowing down focus to reach the goal more efficiently
• Addressing the root problem rather than individual circumstances
• The difficulty in communicating effectively with a loved one suffering from addiction
• The importance of effective communication to help a loved one
• Recognizing patterns of enabling and finding solutions to help a loved one with addiction
• The necessity of failure in building character and succeeding in life
• Introduction of the closed group intensive program for effective communication with addicted loved ones
• The goal of having loved ones in treatment by the end of the 6-week program
• Understanding the need for more leverage and potentially professional intervention
• Participants gaining education, understanding, and options to help their loved ones at a fraction of the cost  Links and Resources from this Episode
• https://whyintervention.com/
• https://twitter.com/whyintervention
• https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs
• https://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2022/05/11/passenger-lands-plane-after-pilot-incapacitated-sot-dlt-vpx.cnn
• https://www.samhsa.gov/data/sites/default/files/reports/rpt39443/2021NSDUHFFRRev010323.pdf  

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Chris and Danny discuss the value of having supportive people in your corner while dealing with a loved one's addiction. They cover the concept of "bring someone in" from the "DEBBIE Method" in multiple ways. They also discuss the crucial roles of family and professional intervention in the journey from addiction to sobriety and highlight the difference between merely getting sober and staying sober, emphasizing the importance of seeking help, letting go of shame, and changing one's environment. Additionally, Chris and Danny critique the traditional therapy and 12-step meetings for providing limited support, advocating for combined professional interventions for better results.

Episode Highlights

• The importance of help accessibility for families dealing with addiction
• What is The DEBBIE Method?
• Bringing an interventionist into the situation as the most helpful level of involvement
• Trusting influential people with addicted loved ones and letting them know some facts as a form of support
• Breaking the family's secret: Reaching out to uncle with long-term sobriety as the start of a recovery journey
• The power of bringing people together in the intervention process
• Accepting addiction as a possibility and knowing that there is a solution available
• The importance of recognizing when help is required for an addicted loved one
• Understanding the impact of environmental change for those in treatment
• Living in the present moment and accepting reality for what it is
• Overcoming the shame and stigma associated with addiction
• The benefits of environmental change during addiction treatment
• Connecting an addicted loved one to the right help and support system
• The value of getting out of the way and letting experienced professionals take over
• Learning to step back and let others take over in providing support during recovery.
• The intervention process: Ways to connect an addicted loved one to help.
• Family members stepping back and allowing the necessary conversations to take place between an addicted loved one and a sponsor
• The benefits and limitations of therapy and 12-step programs for families dealing with addiction
• The importance of engaging with recovery programs and not merely attending meetings Links and Resources from this Episode
• https://whyintervention.com/
• https://twitter.com/whyintervention
• https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs 

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Chris and Danny discuss overcoming the feeling of helplessness when dealing with addiction, for both addicts and their family members. They emphasize the importance of separating the addiction from the person and recognizing it as an illness rather than a personal issue. Taking small steps such as learning about addiction and seeking help from experienced individuals, can help people regain control and work towards recovery. Effective communication and mindset shifts play a significant role in addressing addiction, and it is crucial to believe change is possible. 

Episode Highlights

• Relating the freeze response to family members struggling with a loved one's addiction and their feeling of being stuck
• The story of Danny dealing with his mother's attempts to manage his addiction and how her eventual withdrawal ultimately led to his treatment
• The concept of Learned Helplessness and its roots in a 1967 study involving dogs and electric shocks
• The discovery that the original Learned Helplessness theory actually has it backwards: We have to learn that we have the power to control outcomes
• Overriding the instinctual drive by looking for small actions that can influence the outcome
• Recognizing the feeling of being stuck and finding small options to get unstuck in relation to dealing with an addicted loved one
• Conventional wisdom in addiction and the importance of seeking help and learning new skills to combat learned helplessness
• Making addiction treatment entirely up to the addicted person, the flawed concept of hitting rock bottom, and the reality of continued use despite negative consequences
• Sharing insights about people in recovery, many of whom were pushed into it by their families
• Addressing the feelings of helplessness, permanence, pervasiveness, and personal responsibility in dealing with a loved one's addiction
• The importance of seeking help from others and avoiding taking personal responsibility for a loved one's addiction
• Learning more about addiction as an illness and separating it from the person in order to find a solution for the problem
• Providing an example of successful detachment from a personal perspective to appropriately address a loved one's addiction
• Developing a skill set to cope with addiction in the family, understanding that it takes work and dedication to reach a level of detachment
• Overcoming feelings of helplessness and understanding that with effort, change is possible
• The power of effective communication and how changing the way things are said can influence a person to seek treatment
• Realizing that addiction is not permanent and sharing examples of countless people who have found recovery
• The simplicity of saying yes to treatment, and how family members' belief in recovery can make a significant difference in taking that step
• Recognizing that it's unreasonable to think you can handle the situation on your own, but with proper guidance, you can unstick yourself and make progress in response to a loved one's addiction Links and Resources from this Episode
• https://whyintervention.com/
• https://twitter.com/whyintervention
• https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs
• https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/learned-helplessness-imaginable/ Call to Action Schedule a Call Free Resources

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Chris and Danny discuss the Stop D.R.E.A.M.I.N.G. Framework, an essential tool designed specifically for families who are courageously grappling with the complex challenges of a loved one's addiction. This transformative approach not only promises to reshape the way families interact with their addicted members but also increases the likelihood of guiding them towards seeking help, embracing change, and eventually starting their recovery journey.

Utilizing these principles, families will discover the skills required to establish and maintain firm boundaries while renouncing the enabling behaviors that often plague these difficult situations. The hosts shed light on the significance of sidestepping unproductive and repetitive pitfalls such as arguments, misinterpretation, or guessing games. In their stead, a more fruitful alternative is presented: Supporting and motivating the addicted individual to take advantage of the professional help and resources required to gradually regain control of their life.

Episode Highlights

• Recognize denial: Before addressing addiction, it's important to recognize and acknowledge your own denial as the family member of an addicted person
• Understanding the difference between rationalizing and justifying
• Heart-to-heart conversations are more effective than head-to-head
• Establishing boundaries can make a significant difference
• Addiction can lead to delusion: An addicted person may genuinely believe certain rationalizations for their actions, making it challenging for them to recognize the truth
• How to recognize the impact of addiction
• The dangers of enabling behaviors
• Apologize for past actions and change moving forward
• Do not minimize the consequences of addiction: Driving under the influence or engaging in other dangerous behaviors should be taken seriously
• Learn from past experiences to improve future interactions
• Don't waste time and money guessing
• Stop negotiating and take control
• Get help and support from others
• Dangers of delaying action Links and Resources from this Episode
• https://whyintervention.com/
• https://twitter.com/whyintervention
• https://www.facebook.com/whyintervention/?ref=br_rs
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_twelve-step_groups
• https://www.nedratawwab.com/set-boundaries-find-peace-1 

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