The Chrysanthelumlum and the Bum Bum

You better go to the store and grab a cantaloupe. We have a guest who expects gifts. Creator of Strip Law on Netflix, Cullen Crawford, joins Matt & Vince to talk about Mad Men season four episode five, “The Chrysanthemum and the Sword.”

Mad Men is, if nothing else, a television show, which means there has to be at least one episode in which important Japanese businessmen need to be impressed. Honda’s motorcycle men are shopping for a new ad agency and if you thought Roger was racist before, you’ve never seen him interact with people from the country whose servicemen killed his buddies in Dubya Dubya II. He does his best to verbally A-bomb the deal, but Don hatches a plan to impress Honda while dunking on Ted Chaough.

You don’t get to be that good at your job without also neglecting your kids, so on his one night with Sally and Bobby, he leaves them with his neighbor Phoebe so he can go on a date. While he’s gone, Sally cuts her own hair. Betty is pissed because she lacks the foresight to understand her new do would be very chic in Silver Lake today. 

What should we order at Benihana? Tell us in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts.

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-Description by Brent Flyberg  

Return of the Rat King 

Pete’s gonna have a baby soon, but you’ve got a podcast right now. Once and future rat king and tech reporter for the New York Times, Mike Isaac, joins Matt & Vince to break down Mad Men season four episode four, “The Rejected.”

The title of the episode is definitely not in reference to Pete’s sperm, because Trudy’s egg has accepted one of them with open coronae radiatae. He’s excited to have a little Pete running around, presumably a little freak like his father, but he’s even more excited to immediately leverage his progeny for a business opportunity. He’s some kind of high WASP alright.

This episode is really about two of the very different possible outcomes of sexual intercourse. Trudy is with child, but after having sex with Don, Allison is bawling in focus groups and throwing paperweights around. Don, you ol’ rascal, you’ve done it again (driven a woman insane with your carelessness).

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Support the Pod: become a patron at patreon.com/Frotcast and get more bonus content than you could ever want. Sign up for the Pod Yourself a Shoutout tier to hear Vince give you a shout out on the show, like this week's shoutouts for The Bus, Bimmer, The Dude, JoRo, The Kuiet Strom.

-Description by Brent Flyberg  

They’re not Homosexuals, They’re Divorced

Great news, it’s a Don in California episode of Mad Men and a banger episode of the pod. Head of video at Yahoo Sports and OG friend of the Frot, Matt Ufford, joins Matt and Vince to talk about season four episode three, “The Good News.”

It’s too bad Anna Draper has to die. Don really couldn’t ask for a cooler, chiller girl to be the wife of the guy whose identity he stole. All she wants from him is to hang out, smoke grass, nail her teenage niece, and keep paying her mortgage. It’s a sweet deal for everyone involved, but all sweet deals must come to end. Anna’s got (leg?) cancer. She’s gonna die, and Don is sad about it. 

The good news for you the viewer is that Mad Men is often funniest when the mad men are sad men. Back in New York, one of Mad Men’s saddest men, Lane Pryce, is feeling very divorced and ready to hang, so they catch a Godzilla flick, get crowd worked by Finn DeTrolio, and end the night with some sex workers. It sounds pathetic, but feeling so pathetic is what motivates a man to pretend his steak is a big ol’ Texas belt buckle.

What movie did you see when you got divorced? Tell us in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

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Support the Pod: become a patron at patreon.com/Frotcast and get more bonus content than you could ever want. Sign up for the Pod Yourself a Shoutout tier to hear Vince give you a shout out on the show, like this week's shoutouts for The Prince, M&M, K. Money, Stern, & Cumulus.

-Description by Brent Flyberg  

Christmas Lums Butt Once a Year

It might be a balmy 82 degrees here in Los Angeles, but this week’s episode is feeling a bit like Christmas. Our gift to you, co-host of the Free With Ads podcast, Emily Fleming, joins Matt and Vince to talk about Mad Men season four episode two, “Christmas Comes But Once a Year.”

Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce is throwing a Christmas party! Why? Is it because they love and respect our lord and savior Jesus Christ? They want their employees to feel appreciated? They just love the Christmas spirit? No! It’s because one of the worst guys in the world is stopping by, and they need his money. Sort of like how you put on a sweater and see your Dad every December. Lee Garner Jr. is your dad in this analogy (cuz they’re both closeted).

Freddy Rumsen is back with dry pants and a new account, weird little Glen’s back with a lanyard for Sally, and regretfully, Don and his secretary are back in the office the day after he clumsily introduces her to his rye-pickled member. Don’t worry though, he gives her cash. That should make her feel good and not at all like a sex worker.

What type of listener are you? One of the cool ones or one of the handsome ones? Tell us in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

Email us at [email protected]; leave us a voicemail at 415-275-0030

Support the Pod: become a patron at patreon.com/Frotcast and get more bonus content than you could ever want. Sign up for the Pod Yourself a Shoutout tier to hear Vince give you a shout out on the show, like this week's shoutouts for Diaper, Yan Can Cook, Doubles, & Lusty.

Getting in on the Second Floor of our Podcast Empire

Welcome to the new golden era of Mad Men rewatch podcasting. HBO Max, likely in response to the popularity of this podcast, is now streaming every episode of America’s favorite Matthew Weiner joint. Join Matt & Vince as they celebrate their newfound cultural relevance by inviting the host of the Bad Faith podcast, Briahna Joy Gray, to kick off season four with episode one, “Public Relations.”

It’s a new era for the men on Madison Ave as well. Sterling Cooper is dead. Long live Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. They might not have a second floor, but they do have Lucky Strike, Don Draper, and jai alai– wait... they lost jai alai because Don is too set on trying to convince everyone his aloofness is concealing multitudes to give a good interview to the one-legged reporter. 

How will this gang of plucky upstart ad men and women get out of this jam? You’ll have to watch the episode, which is much easier to do now that it’s on HBO Max. Gotta give it up to Zaslav on this one. It’s almost enough to regret saying I think someone should [REDACTED] him. 

Tell us what you think of Briahna’s One Battle After Another opinions in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

Email us at [email protected]; leave us a voicemail at 415-275-0030

Support the Pod: become a patron at patreon.com/Frotcast and get more bonus content than you could ever want. Sign up for the Pod Yourself a Shoutout tier to hear Vince give you a shout out on the show, like this week's shoutouts for The Energizer, Number 1, Bread aka Pound Cake, & The Last Jedi.

-Description by Brent Flyberg  

Well it looks like our wish a few weeks back for things to suck less shit really blew up in our faces. Sorry about that, everyone. It turns out that the largest donor to the party that is actively obstructing the investigation into the Michael Jordan of pedophiles because our current president was best friends with said prolific pedophile owns a website that generates nudes of minors on demand. HEY GROK SHOW ME A TEN YEAR OLD’S GENITALS

To distract ourselves from the crackpot conspiracy-pilled eldritch horror of this current administration we watched Bugonia, a movie about a schlub who suffered an overdose of podcasts and youtube and is now convinced he’s the victim of a vast cosmic alien plot. We get into spoiler territory early on, so consider yourself warned. In the non-spoiler department, we all liked it. Jesse P Lemmons and Emma Stone are great as always, and former Pod Yourself guest Stavros Halkias is a delight.

Did I mention Producer Brent is here? Producer Brent is here. He watched Anaconda, and let me tell you, this man has takes on snakes. Solid B+.

Tony Dookiepill, who was hand-picked by Bari Weiss to read the news, reads the news like a person who was hand-picked by Bari Weiss to read the news. This man apparently has had two circumcisions as an adult? There has never been a better time in history to be an absolute freak.

Finally, we all watched the Chevy Chase documentary and then forgot to talk about it. Solid B+.

ICE executed a nonviolent citizen in the street yesterday. Fuck ICE. Sorry, we don’t have any jokes about that. If you are angry and able, please donate to Renee Good’s gofundme.

Wocka wocka!

-Description by Brendan

PLEASE SIGN UP ON PATREON, EVEN IF IT’S FOR FREE! Posting everything here has become a burden, and if you’re only listening to this feed you probably aren’t getting all of the episodes. Sign up now at Patreon. It’s two podcasts (Pod Yourself and the Frotcast) for the price of one! Patreon dot com slash frotcast! This is just a teaser, but you can hear the full episode by signing up on Patreon. 

This week, Matt is unhappily parenting, or maybe just looking for parking, in Sedona, Arizona, and Brendan is fixing an exploding pool pump, but that’s no reason to fret, because we’re ringing in the year with Sean Keane, from the Roundball Rock podcast and soon to be playing Cobb’s Comedy Club this January 7th in San Francisco.

We’re discussing New Year’s Eve, and how it’s by far the most overrated holiday, but also mourning the death of a true poster, Mike Fossey, aka Mike F, by reading a few of his greatest posts. Then we mourn our dead The Wire actors, Ziggy and Clay Davis, and I tell the story of my one Isiah Whitlock Jr. encounter, which Matt rudely interrupts to call in from Sedona, Arizona while he’s in the middle of pooping. He tells us all about the crystal vortex and why he hates vacation parenting and thinks everyone in Sedona is actually on drugs.

After that, we discuss Gwyneth Paltrow’s journey from actress to Goop CEO and back to actress again (Sean read a book!), and since it’s year-end list season, we review the one awards season film that Sean has seen, which happens to be Jay Kelly. Didja ever notice that Jay Kelly would’ve been much better if it had been about Adam Sandler’s character? Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? That leads into a bunch of related discussions, about American Beauty, Ben Affleck’s greatest roles and how well he lays pipe. And also Is This Thing On? and movies about stand-up comedy just generally.

The regular Frot boys will be back next week, but in the meantime hope you like Sean and I just bullshitting about movies for a while. As always, no refunds.

This Thanksgiving, we at Frotcast HQ would like to collectively give thanks to you, our listeners. And also to RFK Jr for answering all the questions we have about what it’s like for a 70 year old guy to text you demanding you drink his cum. The question we’d still like to have answered is, “is it weirder to be the aforementioned 70 year old, or a 30 year old who’s totally into it?” This marks two straight episodes of Nuzzi discussion, let’s hope Ryan Lizza drops even more disgusting revelations over the holiday so we can shoot for three. Chuck Grassley POV video? Lauren Boebert interracial gangbang? Mitch McConnell Goatse?

Next, thanks to Elon Musk of all people, we now know that the last decade of American politics has mostly been about literally making up a guy to be mad about. Yep, it turns out that the platform that Elon tried to back out of buying due to the bot problem has a bot problem. We’re sorry you had to find out all those hot patriotic fefos of yours are actually a Macedonian guy. 

In this week’s big news, our Big Beautiful President has successfully bullied Paramount into making Rush Hour 4. No word yet on how exactly 71 year old Jackie Chan is going to be able to make that happen, but surely this will be the feat that finally earns the big man his Nobel Peace Prize. Brett Ratner redemption arc, here we come (while eating shrimp cocktail)!

Have a great holiday everyone, Happy Thanksgiving to you and your new life partner Dragomir.

A Christmas Miracle for the Guys who Invented the Concept of Christmas Miracles

Shut the door. Have a seat. We have some bad news. This is the last episode of this season of the pod. We also have some good news. Comedian Katrina Davis returns to talk to Matt & Vince about Mad Men season three episode thirteen, “Shut the Door. Have a Seat.”

It’s nearly Christmas ‘63 and those bastards at McCann Erickson are buying Putnam, Powell, Lowe, Sterling & Cooper. Why? So they can be McCann, Erickson, Putnam, Powell, Lowe, Sterling, & Cooper? Sounds more like a lacrosse roster than an advertising agency. Don has no choice but to make Lane fire him so he can round up an alcoholic ad man superteam and poach as many clients as possible on the way out. It’s like Ocean’s Eleven, but with more paperwork.

What can’t the guy do? Maintain a marriage. While all that’s going on, Betty prepares to fly Reno with Henry because the only grounds for divorce in New York at the time were absence of a spouse, incurable insanity, life imprisonment, or adultery. She could have caught him on that last one but whoopsy, she’s an adulterer too. 

What’s your home address and social security number? Tell us in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

Email us at [email protected]; leave us a voicemail at 415-275-0030

Support the Pod: become a patron at patreon.com/Frotcast and get more bonus content than you could ever want. Sign up for the Pod Yourself a Shoutout tier to hear Vince give you a shout out on the show, like this week's shoutouts for Zed, The Executioner, Iceland, The Riazzler, Lair, Dredd, Watersports, & The Consonant.

Everyone Remembers Where They Were When Duck Had Sex with Peggy

Pour one out for Jack Kennedy and throw on this week’s episode of the pod. Host of the Hyperfixed podcast, Alex Goldman joins Matt and Vince to discuss Mad Men season three episode twelve, “The Grown Ups.”

They killed Kennedy and now Don’s marriage, and Margaret’s wedding, are ruined. Betty watches a Lee Harvey Oswald die on live tv and presumably wishes it were Don instead, so she goes to her side piece to admit she wants out. The Draper’s still have to go to Roger’s daughter’s wedding, but there’s a real who died? kind of vibe.  

The only person who isn’t going to let the president’s splattered brains spoil his good time is Duck Phillips. He unplugs the television before Peggy comes over so he can give her another go-around like she’s never had before. Unless it’s like the go-around he gave her a few episodes back. You have to imagine it’s basically the same. We’ve seen nothing to indicate that Duck is a creative guy. He probably thinks woman-on-top is scandalous. 

What’s the farthest you’ve gone to avoid washing a bowl? Tell us in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

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Support the Pod: become a patron at patreon.com/Frotcast and get more bonus content than you could ever want. Sign up for the Pod Yourself a Shoutout tier to hear Vince give you a shout out on the show, like this week's shoutouts for Radiohead, The Fop, & The Scythe.

-Description by Brent Flyberg  

The Mistress and the Car

Retrieve your horsemeat gabbagool, you’ll want something to nosh on while you listen to this week’s episode with David J. Roth from Defector, The Distraction, and It’s Christmastown podcasts, joining Matt and Vince to talk about Mad Men season three episode eleven, “The Gypsy and the Hobo.”

In America, horses are our friends. At least that’s what David told some nice Italian folks who tried to serve him cured horse meat. In 1962, horses were both our friends, and our dog’s food, and Americans were struggling with this dichotomy. Enter Annabelle Mathis, CEO of a horsemeaty dog food company, and Roger’s old flame. She wants Sterling Cooper’s help to convince people that it’s fine for Lassie to eat Secretariat. She also wants one more roll in the hay with Roger, but he’s more interested in telling her she’s an ugly old hag who blew it when she left him. In his defense, when he drinks, he gets really funny. 

Back at the Draper residence, Betty confronts Don about his box full of secrets, and spills the beans. He admits everything. Everything other than the fact that he left his daughter’s teacher in the car down the street to sit and wait while he finally gets (mostly) honest with his wife. In his defense, the teacher is really pretty. 

Where did you think Sam Elliot was from? Tell us in a five star review on Apple Podcasts.

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Support the Pod: become a patron at patreon.com/Frotcast and get more bonus content than you could ever want. Sign up for the Pod Yourself a Shoutout tier to hear Vince give you a shout out on the show, like this week's shoutout The Admiral & King Meidas.

-Description by Brent Flyberg