A woman can feel when your words and your motive don’t match.

And according to sexologist Coral Osborne, that disconnect matters far more than whether you know the right positions, techniques, or lines to say.

Coral joins me for a conversation about sexual honesty, desire, boundaries, aftercare, and one of the most important skills I didn’t learn until much later in life: attunement.

We talk about what Coral calls the “clean taker,” why hiding your sexual desire can actually make you feel less safe to a woman, and why great sex has far more to do with presence, communication, curiosity, and being able to handle the answer “no” than most men have been taught.

We also break down the RBDSMA framework, what aftercare actually looks like, why men need sexual boundaries too, and the difference between being sexually aggressive and being a grounded man who knows what he wants.

Better sex is part of the conversation.

But this is really about becoming a man who can tell the truth, pay attention, own his desires, respect someone else’s, and stay grounded regardless of the answer.

Want to train this with Coral and me?

36th Chamber Intensives:

https://traverboehm.com/36-intensive

36th Chamber Year-Long Program:

https://traverboehm.com/36

Chapters

00:00 Meet Coral Osborne

02:55 Why Traver Came Back to Sexuality

06:08 The Freedom on the Other Side of Shame

09:44 Sex Is More Than Sex

13:34 What Women Say They’re Missing

18:32 Being Safe AND Wild

23:20 When Your Words Don’t Match Your Motive

26:54 What Is a “Clean Taker”?

31:31 The RBDSMA Framework

35:37 Why Aftercare Matters

45:06 What Attunement Actually Means

49:54 What Great Sex Is Really Made Of

53:38 Men Need Boundaries Too

About a year ago, I typed “Shibari” into Spotify because I needed something better to tie people to than my liked songs — which are basically 80s music, Metallica, and the Little Drummer Boy.

A playlist called Chiara Shibari popped up. I used it for the next year with absolutely no idea Chiara was an actual human being.

Then I found Julieta Chiara on Substack and had the very mature realization: Oh shit. It’s her.

Julieta is a submissive mentor and Shibari master who’s been in the kink lifestyle for ten years. We get into what kink changed for her outside the bedroom, why being sexually met is very different from simply having good sex, and why dominance can be an incredibly vulnerable thing for men to explore.

We also talk about shame, submission, consent, power, rope, what it means to feel fully accepted by another person, and why Julieta sees kink less as something broken people do and more as a way to play with parts of ourselves we don’t usually get to explore.

Then we get into containment — what it actually means to be with someone who can handle all of you — and why Julieta’s experiences in kink have become one of the closest things she has to spirituality.

And then, naturally, we end up talking about God.

If you’ve ever had a desire you couldn’t explain, judged yourself for wanting, or tried to make smaller so somebody else would be more comfortable — this one’s for you.

——

👉 Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation:

https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation

——

Connect with Julieta:

Website: https://www.julietachiara.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/julietachiara/

Substack: https://substack.com/@julietachiara

Connect with Traver:

Website: https://www.manuncivilized.com

Substack: https://traverboehm.substack.com

Instagram: @traverboehm

Get my books: https://www.manuncivilized.com/books

CHAPTERS:

00:00 How Traver Found Julieta Through a Shibari Playlist

02:34 Meet Julieta: The Sub Who Ties

05:25 How Julieta Found Kink

10:58 “My Soul Is Kinky”: What Changes Outside the Bedroom

17:31 Kink Is Play

22:07 The Sub Who Tops

28:06 Intimacy Without Sex

32:18 What It Means to Be Sexually Met

36:54 The Grief of Finally Getting What You Want

43:22 Why Dominance Can Be Vulnerable for Men

46:55 Consent, Collaboration, and Learning to Lead

51:24 What Containment Actually Means

56:35 Sex, Power, and Spirituality

Most of us say we want peace. Then the second we actually touch it, some part of us starts looking for a problem.

Brea Segger and I talk about why real transformation doesn’t always need a breakdown, a breakthrough, or a giant emotional release. We get into the exhaustion that comes from trying to be someone you’re not, why loneliness can exist even when you’re surrounded by people, and what happens when you stop looking outside yourself for somebody to fix you.

We also talk about alcohol and distraction, our relationship with nature, the differences Brea sees in how men and women process change, and why twenty minutes of doing absolutely nothing might tell you more about yourself than another year of searching for answers.

Brea and I are leading Deep Waters together in Nosara, Costa Rica this November.

Learn more:

https://www.traverboehm.com/deepwaters

——

👉 Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation:

https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation

——

Connect with Brea:

Website: https://www.breasegger.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/breasegger/

Connect with Traver:

Website: https://www.manuncivilized.com

Substack: https://traverboehm.substack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/traverboehm/

Get my books: https://www.manuncivilized.com/books

Chapters

00:00 Who Is Brea Segger?

03:29 Brea’s Childhood and Feeling Like Something Was Wrong

06:48 When the Outside World Doesn’t Match What You Feel Inside

10:41 Why Brea Doesn’t Call Herself a Mystic

14:14 Alcohol as Distraction and Avoidance

20:55 Why Being Okay Can Feel Unsafe

26:15 Does Transformation Need a Big Breakthrough?

29:18 What Actually Happens When Brea Works With Someone

33:05 Why We’re So Exhausted

36:23 Why So Many People Feel Lonely

39:31 What Does “Soul” Mean?

41:34 How Men and Women Process Change Differently

44:17 Stop Looking Outside Yourself for Answers

45:57 Can You Do Nothing for 20 Minutes?

48:20 What Five Days Alone Taught Traver

50:56 Deep Waters and Closing

At twelve years old, Tanya Marie Dubé left home with $18.

For the next several years, she moved between friends' houses, church bathrooms, cars, closets, and the street while trying to finish school. She learned how to read a room, anticipate danger, handle everything herself, and do whatever needed to be done to get through to the next day.

Those skills helped her survive.

The problem is that survival strategies don't always disappear when the danger does.

In this episode, Tanya and I get into what she calls the five survival identities — the hyper-independent, the performer, the pleaser, the caretaker, and the invisible one — and how the versions of ourselves that once kept us safe can eventually become the same versions keeping us stuck.

We also get into something I see all the time with high achievers: checking every damn box and still wondering why success doesn't feel like enough. What happens when slowing down feels more dangerous than working harder? Can you actually feel satisfied without losing your ambition? And how do you tell the difference between genuinely trying to survive and continuing to live like you still have to?

This one's about the identities we build to survive, what happens when they outlive their usefulness, and what it takes to stop dragging them into the rest of our lives.

——

👉 Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation:

https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation

——

Tanya's 5-Day Identity Challenge: https://identity-collapse-challenge.com/

Connect with Tanya:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tanyamariedubeofficial/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tanyamariedube/

Connect with Traver:

Website: https://www.manuncivilized.com

Substack: https://traverboehm.substack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/traverboehm/

Get my books: https://www.manuncivilized.com/books

CHAPTERS

00:00 Tanya's Return to Acting

02:06 What Is a Survival Identity?

08:27 Leaving Home at 12 With $18

13:42 How Survival Becomes an Identity

18:16 The Five Survival Identities

20:22 Do Men and Women Have Different Survival Identities?

23:18 Step One: Notice What's Not Working

27:57 Why Success Still Doesn't Feel Like Enough

35:15 Can You Be Driven and Still Be Satisfied?

41:26 What If You're Actually Just Trying to Survive?

51:07 Tanya's 5-Day Identity Challenge

53:28 What Does "Soul-Led" Actually Mean?

I left my suitcase on an airplane, sprinted through a Houston terminal, and blew out both calves in the process. That was day one of seven weeks in Costa Rica — and it was just the beginning of the jungle trying to teach me something.

In this solo episode, I'm sharing three lessons I brought back from Costa Rica — through injuries, a viral post about men's mental health, and a free diving course that scared the hell out of me.

Lesson one — slow the hell down, even when everything in you wants to move at full speed.

Lesson two — how you talk to yourself matters more than almost anything else, and why I made a promise to myself back in 2016 that I still keep today.

Lesson three — what free diving 15 meters underwater taught me about the power of a single thought, and how fast it can change everything happening in your body.

If you've ever felt like you're moving too fast to hear what's actually going on inside you — this one's for you.

——

Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation

——

Connect with Traver:

Website

Substack

Instagram: @traverboehm

Get my books

Chapter List

00:00 Flight Chaos and Injuries in Costa Rica

06:00 Lesson One: Slow the Hell Down

07:37 Lesson Two: Speak Kindly to Yourself

11:42 Lesson Three: The Power of a Single Thought

17:12 Costa Rica Recap and What's Next

Sasha Cobra spent her twenties pouring drinks at a private cocktail bar in San Francisco — sober, vegan, healthy, and getting paid well to serve people poison. Then one Saturday morning in Golden Gate Park, she closed her eyes and saw herself doing something else entirely. She called her boss from a tea house that same afternoon and quit. She never went back.

That decision started a twenty-year path that's led her to work with thousands of people around the world on sexuality, trauma, and healing. In this episode, she and I get into what she calls Love, Truth, and Eros — three words that sound simple until you actually try to live them. Why she believes love isn't a feeling but a regulated nervous system. Why almost nobody you've ever met actually operates from truth. And why she thinks the most repressed, most misunderstood part of being human might also be the most healing.

This one goes into the body, sexuality, and trauma — and we don't tiptoe around any of it.

——

👉 Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation

——

Connect with Sasha:
Website
Community
Instagram

Connect with Traver:
Website
Substack
Instagram: @traverboehm
Get my books

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Love, Truth, and Eros: The Framework

06:58 Personal Truth vs. Societal Lies

16:59 Masculine and Feminine Energy

22:15 What Eros Really Means

32:35 Coming Back to the Body

34:23 Releasing Emotion Through the Body

42:39 Facing Emotional Overwhelm

45:57 Lovemaking as Medicine

51:48 Living in a Different Paradigm

58:51 Why No Teacher Has It All Figured Out

01:01:34 Sasha's Story: Quitting the Nightclub, Finding Her Path

01:12:41 Social Media: Tool or Poison

01:18:33 Building Community, Wrapping Up

Laurita Gorman almost never got called up to read her poem in front of the audience.

She signed up for her first poetry slam and spent the whole night waiting to hear her name — the host had forgotten to add her to the list. She got up anyway. And wouldn’t you know it, placed second. That accident put her in the finals, and by the end of that year she was reading a poem about a woman named Laken Riley to a room that went completely silent.

Laurita is a Canadian-born poet and therapist living in Australia. A poet from an early age, she filled journal after journal. In her twenties, she started taking those journals into therapy sessions to figure out what she'd actually been trying to say. Life eventually stopped her in her tracks and pushed her back toward performing — and within a year she was standing on the Sydney Opera House stage.

We get into what it actually took to go from writing privately to reading in front of strangers. Why she stopped trying to be "nice" and started saying the true thing instead. What it felt like the night a room full of women grabbed her arm without saying a word. And why she believes a poem can do something years of talking can't.

If you've ever had something true stuck in your throat you didn't know how to say — this one's for you.

——

Connect with Laurita: Instagram

——

Men –– Join us in The UNcivilized Nation

Connect with Traver:

Website

Substack

Instagram: @traverboehm

Get my books

00:00 Introduction to Laurita Gorman

02:54 The Journey from Personal to Public Poetry

15:51 The Power of Voice and Expression

30:04 How Poetry Became Her Therapy

37:48 Connection Is Our Instinct, Not an Inconvenience

47:42 Sharing Poetry and Its Impact

Fair warning — this one is not safe for work. It's also not safe for anyone who wants to keep pretending that what happens in the bedroom has nothing to do with who you are everywhere else.

——

Athos Khan is a board-certified physician, Jungian-influenced philosopher, and author of several books on kink, intimacy, and the deeper psychology underneath both. He's been kinky since the beginning — and he's spent the last several years writing and thinking about why that matters far beyond the bedroom.

We go deep on things most people are too uncomfortable to say out loud. Why the West stripped the meaning out of sex and what that's actually costing us. Jung's conception of libido as a generative force — not just a rush to orgasm. Why great sex is dangerous, what your fantasies are actually pointing at symbolically, and why the shadow doesn't disappear just because you ignore it.

We also talk about what it means to orient all of this toward good — even when what you're doing looks, from the outside, like it has no business being called that.

If you've ever felt like your sexuality was bigger than you knew how to hold, this episode might be the framework you didn't know you were looking for.

——

Connect with Athos:

Substack

YouTube

Books — available on Amazon:

Love is a Kink | The Architecture of Intimacy | Structuring Desire

——

You might also enjoy these related conversations:

The Deep Psychology of BDSM & Kink w/ Dr. Douglas Thomas

EP 415 — Living an UNtamed Life by Following Your Truth | Kati Bird

——

Men –– Join The UNcivilized Nation

Connect with Traver:

Website

Substack

Instagram: @traverboehm

Get my books

Chapter List

00:00 Intro

01:01 Meet Athos: Doctor, Philosopher, and Kinky as Hell

07:27 Why the West Got Sex Wrong

13:32 Sex Like LSD — Not Chardonnay

22:41 Safe Containers and Starting Points

29:58 Your Darkest Fantasies and What They're Actually Pointing At

41:33 Why This Energy Is So Big

50:24 Integration: When the Mask Becomes Your Face

01:00:37 Orientation Toward Good

01:04:58 Wrap Up

Most people think Ayahuasca is a drug. A trip. Something you do once to see some visuals and come back with a good story. Sam Believ has sat with over 3,000 people at Lawayra — the highest-rated ayahuasca retreat in South America — and he'll tell you that couldn't be further from the truth.

Sam is a Latvian engineer who walked away from a six-figure offshore oil and gas career, landed in Colombia, and found himself more lost than ever. Ayahuasca didn't just help him heal — it gave him a purpose he didn't see coming. Now he runs the biggest retreat in the country, hosts the Ayahuasca Podcast, and has made it part of his mission to reframe Colombia from drugs to medicine.

We get into what actually happens inside a ceremony — the weeks of preparation, the moment you drink, the purging, the music, the shaman's role — and why the West's obsession with isolating the active ingredient and stripping away the tradition might be the very thing that makes it less effective. Sam puts it simply: separating the medicine from its tradition is like separating a plant from its roots. Eventually it dies.

We also get into the mental health piece — why a diagnosis isn't always the whole story, why making it part of your identity can actually keep you stuck, and what these medicines do that years of therapy alone often can't.

If you've been curious about plant medicine — or skeptical of it — this one is worth your full attention.

Connect with Traver:
Instagram
Substack
Website

Ready to UNcivilize your life? Start here

Men, Join us in The UNcivilized Nation — a community of men doing the real work

Find Sam Believ:
Website
Retreat
Podcast
Ayahuasca Course

Chapter List 

00:00 From Oil Rig Engineer to Ayahuasca Retreat Leader

08:22 Ibogaine, Tradition, and Why Ceremony Still Matters

17:34 Ceremony Walkthrough: What to Expect

28:57 What a Shaman Actually Sees

34:49 Understanding Mental Health: A Dual Perspective

42:59 The Spiritual Awakening Through Ayahuasca

50:42 AI, Purpose, and the Future of Community

58:04 Where to Find Sam

A decade ago, I woke up and it felt like my life had crashed all at once. A miscarriage. A divorce. A business partnership ending — all inside of a few months. These weren't small things.

I found three things that worked like hitting a reset button — control, alt, delete. You know, the command you give your computer when something's stuck. They helped me stop fighting what had happened and lit the way to rebuilding on purpose.

Accept it's happening — Not why it's happening, not what it means. Just: this is real, and figuring out the why won't undo it. The moment I stopped spending my energy on why and started spending it on what's next, everything shifted.

Make space, then get curious — When the life you had gets cleared out, there's suddenly room. Don't rush to fill it with the next relationship, the next business, the next distraction. Sit in it. That's where you start noticing what's actually trying to come through.

Bust your ass — Once you know the direction, go all in. Rebuilding isn't comfortable and it sure isn't fast. I wrote three books in ten years, drove twelve hours to teach a free workshop, and slept in my truck. That's just a little of what it took.

Over a decade later, and I still wouldn't trade the life I'm building for the one I "lost."

If you know someone in the middle of their own version of this, please send them this episode.

——

Want to go deeper?
My first book, Today I Rise, was written during my own divorce

Or watch Transformations: How to Navigate Life's Biggest Changes for more on what real change actually requires

And if you don't know where to start, get the framework here.

——

Connect with Traver:
Instagram
Substack
Website

Chapter List

00:00 Control Alt Delete: A Life Reset

05:48 Accept That It's Happening

11:33 Make the Space — Then Get Curious

17:05 Bust Your Ass — Build the New Life

20:30 Wrap Up

If you’re a man in any kind of relationship with a woman, you need to listen to this podcast. Menopause isn't just a women's issue. And if you're in a relationship with someone going through it, this conversation might be the most useful thing you listen to all year.

Dr. Kelly Casperson is a urologist, author, and host of the You Are Not Broken podcast. She was spending her days mostly treating men's sexual health — testosterone, erectile dysfunction, all of it — and realized somewhere along the way that nobody was asking the next obvious question: what about their partners?

I first had Kelly on to talk about sex and men's health. This time we went somewhere different. After I spoke at one of her menopause seminars in Chicago, I knew we had to come back and have this conversation for the guys. Menopause is an initiation for women. What most men don't realize is that it's an initiation for them too.

We get into the biology of what's actually happening, why men check out, smother, or collapse when it shows up, what it does to libido and sex, and why this midlife passage — as uncomfortable as it gets — is one of the greatest opportunities for growth a man will ever get.

If your partner is in perimenopause or menopause — or will be — this one is required listening.

——

Start here

Men – Join The UNcivilized Nation

——

First episode with Dr. Kelly Casperson

Find Dr. Kelly Casperson: 

Instagram

Website

Books – You Are Not Broken | The Menopause Moment

Podcast – You Are Not Broken

Chapter List:

00:00 Intro

01:29 Why Men Avoid This Conversation

10:29 Menopause Is an Initiation

15:33 The Biology of Menopause

36:19 What Men Get Wrong

38:36 The Evolution of Relationships

42:52 Male Archetypes in Relationships

43:26 The 1950s Marlboro Man

47:24 The Sensitive New Age Guy (The Nice Guy)

52:40 The Collapsed Guy

55:29 Libido, Hormones, and What Changes

57:55 How to Talk About It

59:34 The Orgasm Gap

01:02:29 Beyond Friction

01:08:12 Men — Look in the Mirror

01:15:41 One Conversation to Have This Week

01:16:40 Should You Go to the Doctor With Her?

01:20:29 Wrap Up