After escaping her abusive husband, Hortense spent some time on the lam. She published her memoirs, which made her a celebrated author, and then, at the urging of the English ambassador, headed to London to "see her niece" - and within months, was yet another mistress of Charles II. And soon after, Charles II's eldest daughter with Barbara Villiers. There were plenty more lovers to come, so to speak, as well.

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The Restoration court of Charles II is known not for governing, but for the seemingly endless bed-hopping antics of the Merry Monarch. Today, in this Trashy Royals crossover, we meet the last mistress to join that odd club, Hortense Mancini. Born to a big brood in Rome - Hortense was the eighth of ten - the family moved to Paris after her father's death, where her uncle Cardinal Mazarin gave them entry to the French court and planned for his nieces' futures as wives. He chose poorly in the case of Hortense, but her unhappy marriage ultimately propelled her to the shores of England, as well as making her a celebrated writer.

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It is late breaking Tudor news that Alicia had to share! Just published, scientists from the University of Bradford through a little fancy math and facial recognition just might have discovered the true face of Anne Boleyn, the second and murdered wife of Henry VIII.

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Today we're wandering to the land of tulips and windmills to explore the trashiest Dutch divorce we've ever heard of. Leontine Ruiters is a well-known television personality in the country, married until 2020 to one of the most successful singers ever to hit the Dutch charts, Marco Borsato. It's not just the divorce that trashes this story up; last December, Marco was acquitted on charges of indecent assault on a minor.

Content warning: Allegations of child sexual abuse

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Alicia comes to us with a story we've been loosely watching for years: the slow, apparent destruction of the marriage of singer Justin Timberlake and actress Jessica Biel. According to Page Six, Jessica is near her wit's end with Justin's behavior - drinking seems to be at the core of it - and his absences as she raises their two sons largely solo. Apparently there's been an ultimatum! And Alicia has May jokes. Allegedly.

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After his first divorce and his toxic relationship with Cathy Smith, it would be 16 years before Gordon Lightfoot took the plunge and married again, this time to Elizabeth Moon. It's hard to say if this was a good relationship, but it produced two children and seems to have involved a very long period of separation during which, for once, he was involved in parenting his children. He also had some serious health events during this time. When he married his third wife, Kim Hasse, he was already into his 70s, but the guy was durable. In spite of decades of late nights and hard living, he lived to be 84 years old, passing away on May 1, 2023.

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After her tumultuous relationship with Gordon Lightfoot ended, Cathy Smith headed to California to pursue her own musical dreams. She was briefly a backup singer for Hoyt Axton. She also had a brief interlude in Paris, where she met The Rolling Stones, who she would later provide drugs to. But it was her association with John Belushi that made her notorious. In March of 1982, she injected Belushi with a mixture of heroin and cocaine that proved fatal. The media and legal drama that followed was just another part of her pattern of being taken advantage of by others.

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As ever, the Trashy Divorces Cinematic Universe has been on full display of late, with new entrants as well! First up, we mourn actor Patrick Muldoon, who died suddenly of a heart attack on April 19 at just 57 years old. He was not part of our TDCU, but his 36-year-long friendship (and early 90s romance) with Denise Richards, then later a romance with Tori Spelling, certainly give us reason to grieve the loss. Then, Scooter Braun and Sydney Sweeney made it Instagram official, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce had a change of venue, but not a change of heart, Patriots coach Mike Vrabel has been stepping out on his wife apparently for years, and it's gotten both his alleged mistress and another female sports reporter fired from their jobs. Finally, the internet never forgets, Lena Dunham-Jack Abramoff-Lorde Spreadsheet edition.

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Receipts Someone update the Lena Dunham/Jack Antonoff/Lorde PowerPoint (goodsoup.substack.com)

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Starting around 1970, Cathy Smith and Gordon Lightfoot reconnected and embarked on a wildly toxic romantic relationship that ran three or four years. He, of course, was still married to Brita (Brita would name Cathy Smith in her divorce suit), but they had been living separately. Cathy moved in with him, quit her job, and the pair immediately began cheating on each other. Jealousy seems to have been Gordon's main emotion during their time together, as evidenced by his song Sundown, written about Cathy.

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Super Groupies were a hot topic in the 1960s and 1970s, and definitely still are around here on Trashy Divorces. In this episode, Alicia gets into the life, work, and spiderwebs of Cynthia Albritton, known in the day as Cynthia Plaster Caster. Her art was unusual, certainly, but Cynthia went to great lengths to make her creative work her own. Cynthia was truly a Super Groupie, and is remembered in an alternate way than most of the other gals hanging around the scene. Pamela de Barres perhaps summed it up best about her fellow groupie sister Cynthia by saying "She was the Michelangelo of Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll."

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One especially fascinating figure who intersected with Gordon Lightfoot was named Cathy Smith. As a teenager in Ontario, she'd hooked up (literally and figuratively) with Levon Helm, Rick Danko, and Richard Manuel, then future members of The Band. Before her several-year relationship with the married Gordon Lightfoot, she helped The Band get out of a drug bust and gave birth to a daughter who became known as "The Band baby" since no one was quite sure who the father was. 

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Alicia's Receipts

This Wheel's on Fire: Levon Helm and the Story of The Band, by Levon Helm (bookshop.org)

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