When asked about the impact on a relationship when an intoxicated partner begs for or demands sex, and the coercion works because the drinker’s partner is trying to keep the peace, Amanda Dames tells Sheri and Matt that the dynamic damages trust. And the partner who agrees to unwanted sex is using her body to find or maintain safety. Amanda Dames is a sexologist, a somatic certified sex and relationship coach, and the host of the Kink Consultant podcast. This is a wide-ranging conversation about everything from sexual exploration to relationship recovery after trauma. Click here to link to the free guide Amanda mentions, and for all the resources on her website. Enjoy these insights from people comfortable crying in public.

Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Sheri and Matt have covered the ways emotional safety improves relationship dynamic for the person on the receiving end: nervous system regulation, peace and relaxation, and comfort being authentic and vulnerable. In this episode, they consider the benefits for the person providing the emotional safety. Don’t do it just for her. Do it for yourself, too.

Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

This is the latest essay from our Untoxicated Blog. To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com. We hope you get a lot out of: “Requisite”

That’s a picture of my bride from the summer we got married. Isn’t she cute? It’s a digital capture of a real photo taken with a camera that doesn’t make or receive phone calls. The picture is printed on glossy paper, and you can see the date stamp on Sheri’s tanned arm.

Now, I know you don’t know her as well as I do, but this picture is striking to me because of the genuine, authentic joy on Sheri’s face. Based on her eyebrows, cheeks, and nose, and even through her sunglasses, I can see the trust in her eyes. Not only is she enjoying a sunny day on Lake Winnipesaukee, but she’s enjoying the people she’s with, including me, with a fully relaxed nervous system.

Contrast that face with the one she’s making…

If you are ready to consider the impact of alcohol and a lack of emotional safety, on you and your family, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.

Jane is an Echoes of Recovery OG who taught us to call our growth and healing work, “Discovery,” because there is no going back. After six years of podcast appearances, Jane enlightens Sheri and Matt, once again, revealing the connection between working to physically strengthen and heal the body, and working to ease the pain of trauma and loss. What she is doing in the physical health industry is truly revolutionary, but it is also simple enough for us all to incorporate into our busy lives.

Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

This is the latest essay from our Untoxicated Blog. To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com. We hope you get a lot out of: “Exorcising the ‘F’ Word”

“You don’t need to come. I’m not dying.”

My mom had surgery last week, and that’s what she said when she heard I was flying across the country to help my dad, and to spend time with her, after her surgery.

I think her response is part consideration for my busy life–not wanting to be a burden to her not-close-to-retirement son with a bustling family, and part defiance that the surgery posed any kind of risk for her. I get it.

And she’s right. I am busy. But damn it, I just keep thinking about my understanding of what people say…

If you are ready to consider the impact of alcohol and a lack of emotional safety, on you and your family, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.

When it comes to parenting, there is no shortage of generational trauma cycle breaking to be addressed. Sheri and Matt talk about the two-generation cycle breaking they are working on with their kids, to implement 100% emotional safety after years of alcoholism, emotional abuse, and Matt’s mindset that it was his job to make his kids tough and resilient. They also talk about cats and Hawaiian shirts and grad parties.

Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

This is the latest essay from our Untoxicated Blog. To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com. We hope you get a lot out of: “Humans. Am I Right?”

Humans.

We humans do some really strange things. Am I right?…

If you are ready to consider the impact of alcohol and a lack of emotional safety, on you and your family, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.

Lara Hammock is back for another quarterly segment full of probing questions and thoughtful, helpful, well illustrated advice! Lara is a mental health therapist and the host and producer of The Illustrating Therapist YouTube Channel. She shares her all-time best piece of marriage advice, dispels the myth of a bunch of gaslighting evil geniuses, brings comfort to the idea of overfunctioning, and provides a great visual for communication in a romantic partnership. Most importantly, Lara accepts Matt’s invitation to his rolling birthday ice cream extravaganza.

Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

This is the latest essay from our Untoxicated Blog. To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com. We hope you get a lot out of: “This Is Why She Doesn’t Trust You”

Serving as the facilitator for our Echoes of Recovery group has been the single greatest learning experience of my life. Below are the most important lessons, addressed to people like me. Below the list is how I gained this knowledge.

She loves her kids more than she loves you.

The lying is worse than the drinking.

Broken promises are lies.

The sound of your vehicle pulling into the driveway…

If you are ready to consider the impact of alcohol and a lack of emotional safety, on you and your family, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.

It is not the compliment you think it is when you tell the partner of a heavy drinker how strong she is. And when you tell her that you’ll help more if she makes you a list, you’ve just asked her to do something else for you. Sheri and Matt discuss this while arguing about flag and snowman stamps, and while analyzing the best way to clean a gorilla cage.

Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Never Quite Measuring Up”

I did the math in my head. If the sales revenue generated on the opening day of our fourth location remained even sort-of consistent, we would be good–finally over the hump to financial security. We started with one whole grain bread bakery in 2004, and four years later, we had added three locations, and I thought we had reached our goal. I remember where I was standing, on the stairs leading to our kitchen, when I was overcome by relief. A goal attained. At last. At long last.

But it didn’t last. I grew to resent those opening day looky-loos for getting my hopes up. Our fourth location settled into a revenue performance much like that of our other three bakeries. We would survive. But we were not going to thrive. So I looked for a new path to achieve our goal of financial security. I adjusted the product lines, trimmed down our workforce, promoted seasonal specials, changed our operating hours, partnered with other organizations, donated tons of bread in the community. I even ate nothing but whole grain bread for a whole month, and lost weight, to debunk the gluten-free frenzy. And I did it all in pursuit of a goal.

Looking back, my memories of that 15 year chunk of my life are cloaked with feelings of inadequacy, insufficiency, a lack of intelligence, poor decision making, and an insurmountable mountain of stress…

If you are ready to work through the trauma and shame, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.