What are the three best values for success and happiness? It’s simple. Just live three values: Seek Wisdom, Practice Love and Get Results until they become habits, part of your very being, so you naturally develop the high trust, high performance relationships that bring success and happiness. That’s it. Covenant Leadership. It will give you the best chance for success and happiness in all areas of your life. How does it work? Success At work, the more your clients-customers trust you, the more business they give you.  The more your employees trust you, the more commitment, productivity, and performance you get. Combine more business with higher performance, and you have a big advantage in the marketplace. In non-profits or public service, higher performance means better services at a lower cost. In the military, it means winning more battles with fewer casualties. At home, higher trust and performance means better relationships with your spouse and kids. Raise your kids with Covenant Leadership, and you give them the best chance for happiness and success in their lives. Happiness The Harvard Study on Adult Development confirms what you already know, that happiness in life comes from good relationships. People in strong relationships are not only happier, but also healthier and live longer. The Key to Success and Happiness The key to happiness and success is high trust, high performance relationships. How do you develop the best relationships? The more people trust your wisdom, the more they know that you love them, and the more they know that you get results, the higher trust and higher performance your relationships will be. Seek Wisdom, Practice Love, and Get Results. Why three values and not four or more? Because most people can’t remember or do more than three things. Wisdom Wisdom is the knowledge that comes with experience. When you learn how to drive, you are told that pressing the brake pedal will make your car will slow down and stop. But that knowledge about the brake pedal does not make you good at using the brake. To get good at braking, you have to practice using the brake 10,000 times in different kinds of traffic and weather conditions. The more you practice, the more it becomes a habit, part of who you are—your character. The more it becomes a habit, the more situational awareness, vision, and wisdom you develop about using the brake. Knowledge about something is nice, but wisdom that comes from experience is much more important. Who do you trust more, the pilot who knows about flying or the pilot who has completed 500 flights? Do you trust and hire the doctor who knows about surgery or the doctor who has completed 100 successful surgeries? Wisdom is the knowledge you get when you practice something until it becomes a habit and part of your character. The more people trust your wisdom, the stronger and higher performance your relationships will be. Seek Wisdom. Love Some people think relationships are based in power. Others think relationships are transactional. The best, highest performance relationships, however, are based in love—agape love. Agape love is the deepest kind of love—when you are willing to sacrifice yourself for another. The total love of a parent for a child. The willingness of soldiers to die for each other on the battlefield. Agape love is the self-sacrificing love that inspires the deepest commitment and strongest relationships possible. Practice Love so it becomes a habit, part of your being. Results When you Seek Wisdom and Practice Love, you have the best chance to Get Results. The more people trust that you get results, the stronger and higher performance your relationships. A basketball player has to make the shot at the end of the game. The salesperson has to close the deal. The CFO has to produce accurate financials. Managers have to make their numbers. The tech has to fix the problem. As a parent, you have to keep your children safe.

https://youtu.be/hZaWFsV32HI A lot of people get anxious because they don't know how to start a conversation with someone new. With Covenant Leadership, if you can remember just 3 things, you can master a simple approach to starting great conversations and relationships with anyone you meet. Whether it is at work, in the community, or even with a romantic interest. Whether you are comfortable starting conversations with strangers or someone who gets anxious talking to someone new, this simple covenant leadership approach can help. It will get you comfortable meeting someone new. It will get your conversation rolling. It will help you build high trust relationships. And it works in any situation Whether you are at work, in the community, or even meeting a romantic interest, all you have to do is remember 3 questions. Before we get to the questions, it is important to set up the conversation correctly. Turn your body to face the person you are talking to Actively listen to them and remember what they say Make them feel like they are the only person in the room Three Key Questions to Start a Conversation Now to the three questions. The first question is: What is your story? It is an open question that allows them to respond however they feel most comfortable. It tells you who they are and where they come from. It gives you a starting point to ask other questions. If they talk about family or friends—especially kids—make a special note of that. The second question is: What is important to you at work? You might not ask that question in such a direct way. You might ask “What are you focused on at work?” or “What are the biggest challenges you face?” The point is that if you can help someone solve a problem, achieve a goal, or address an issue at work, you will build trust in your relationship. The third question is, “What is your passion?” What do they do for fun? It is a great question because you get insight into the person and what they love to do, and most people enjoy talking about their passion. You also get to learn about something new, which broadens your knowledge. I've learned a lot about puzzles, salmon fishing, hunting, surfing, international dart competitions, auto restoration, and desert car racing. It becomes a great starting point for future conversations. “So, how is the salmon fishing going?” And it gets them comfortable talking to you. It shows them that you care. The last thing—and it is important—make sure you care enough to write it all down in your contact database. You might not see that person for a year or two—or even four years—but if you remember key things about them, it will show them that you really care. That’s it. It is pretty simple. Start by focusing on them. Turn your body to face them Actively listen to and remember what they say Make them feel like they are the only person in the room Then ask to find out about the three things: What is your story? What is important at work? What is your passion? Why does this approach work so well? Part of it is that it is simple, works in any situation, and is easy to remember and master. The biggest reason it works well is that you are practicing love for another. Remember, Covenant Leadership is grounded in the fundamental truth that happiness and success come from good relationships. The more people trust your wisdom, know that you love them, and know that you get results, the higher trust and higher performance your relationships will become. One of the best ways to practice love for others is to make them the absolute center of your attention. Actively listen to them. Learn and care about them. Like everything else in Covenant Leadership, practice love until it becomes a habit—part of your very being. You will get good at it. You will get comfortable doing it. And you will naturally build high trust, high performance relationships with the people you meet.

There's something you can start doing right now that will profoundly change your life and the lives of those you love. It will give you the best chance for happiness and success in life, and it will change the world while you're doing it. It doesn't cost a nickel. It doesn't require any special gear or a membership. What can you do that will profoundly change your life? Seek Every Opportunity to Practice Love It is simple. Starting right now, go through your day looking for every opportunity to practice love so that it becomes a habit. Part of your character. Part of your very being. It will make you a better person, a better spouse and parent at home, and a more successful leader at work. It will give you the best chance for happiness and success in life. And you'll change the world while doing it. If you think that talking about love is too soft or sensitive or touchy feely, then catch up. It is a skill set just like any other. It is measurable, and it is the thing that can have the single biggest impact on every area of your life, especially your work success. When we think about practicing love, we tend to think it is beneficial because it makes other people feel good. It sets a good example. And gee, if everybody practiced love, wouldn't the world be a better place? All these are focused on the benefits practicing love brings to other people. When we do something nice for somebody else, we tend to think about it in terms of the impact on them and whether they are grateful for our kindness or not. Practice Love Because It Makes You Better All of these are good reasons for practicing love, but there is a better, deeper, more powerful reason to practice love. Practicing love profoundly changes you, no matter how the other person reacts. When you practice love over and over, it eventually becomes a habit, part of your character, part of your very being. That changes you. That becomes the foundation for all your relationships in life: the high trust, high performance relationships you want at work and at home; the relationships that bring happiness and success; and the relationships that change the world. And most important, it becomes the foundation for the relationship that you have with yourself. The key is to go through your day consciously looking for every opportunity you can find to practice love. Sometimes we talk about doing random acts of kindness and we see news reports about the impact that can have on people's lives. But think about the tremendous impact you could have on yourself and everyone around you if you started every day consciously looking for every opportunity to practice love for other people. Go Through Your Day Collecting Wins It doesn't cost you nickel. It doesn't require any workout gear. You can start doing it right now. Every time you practice love for another—that is a win. Focus your day on collecting wins. Look for opportunities to practice love until the search becomes a habit that you carry throughout your day. What are some ways you can practice love at home with the spouse and kids? You can start by waking up with a great attitude. Find a morning task that your spouse normally does—maybe it's making lunch for the kids—and do it for them. Write your spouse an unexpected love note. When you are headed to work, you can be courteous driver. Let people in your lane. Don't drive aggressively. Give up the closest parking space or a seat on the train. Hold the door open for people. One of the most powerful ways to practice love is to actively listen to the people you are talking to. Make them the center of your universe. Offer to help people with things. Give somebody a compliment. Want to take practicing love up a notch at work? Be the one who does the dishes or cleans out the refrigerator in the break room. Do the jobs no one else wants to do. Don’t do these things because people will appreciate you for it. Don’t worry that people will take advantage of you.

How can you achieve happiness and success in life? Some people say happiness is all about how much money you have. Other people say happiness is about your social status or education level. The best science tells us something very different. In an earlier blog, we talked about the meaning of life and your purpose in life, which is happiness, fulfillment. In this blog, we’re going to talk about how you can achieve happiness and success in life, and change the world while doing it. We will keep it simple. Here is an overview: Overview Happiness in life comes from good relationships. There are three things you can start doing today to build the good, strong relationships that bring happiness. Seek wisdom, practice love, and get results. Good, high trust, high performance relationships also give you the best chance for success in life—whether that is leadership success at work, leading your family at home, or success as a good citizen in the community. Finally, when you are a good person with strong relationships, you have the best chance to help make our world a better place. We call this overall approach to life Covenant Leadership. Happiness Comes from Good Relationships So, where can we find happiness in life? The science is very clear. For more than 80 years, Harvard has been conducting the Study on Adult Development, and it tells us that happiness doesn't come from money or social status or your education level. Happiness comes from good relationships. That's it. Good relationships don’t just bring happiness in life, they also help you live years longer and feel healthier too. The director who led the Harvard study for 30 years said, “Happiness in life comes from good relationships. Full stop.” We should not be surprised by the results of the Harvard study. We are made for relationship. Relationship is hard-wired into our DNA. Relationship is fundamental to our biology. If you give an infant all the food and water she needs, but you don't give the infant love and physical affection, 4 out of 10 will die. Half of the survivors will have severe psychological challenges. What is the worst way to bully someone? It's not to yell at them or physically abuse them. The worst way to bully somebody is to shun them. To deny them relationship. What is the worst place in prison? Solitary confinement. It deprives the prisoner of relationship. Over time, the lack of relationship can drive prisoners in solitary crazy. Think about your loved ones. How good does it make you feel when you spend time with them? How bad do you feel when you break up? When we face the end of life, no one says that they wish they had spent more time at work. Everyone wishes they had made more time for loved ones. Happiness in life comes from good relationships. We are neurologically hard-wired for relationship. It is fundamental. It is built into our DNA. Three Things Build Good Relationships There are three things that build strong relationships. We call them the Covenant Virtues. The more people trust your wisdom, the more they know that you love them, and the more they know that you get results, the stronger your relationships. So, there are three things you can do, starting today, to build the strong relationships that will bring you happiness and success. Seek wisdom, practice love, and get results. Three Areas of Relationships If you are going to get good at those Covenant Virtues, you need places to practice them. There are three areas of relationship that you can do that. The first place to practice those virtues is in your relationship with yourself. The second is in your personal relationships with your family and friends. The last place you can practice these is in your relationships at work and in the community. It is straightforward. Seek wisdom, practice love, and get results in your relationships with yourself, with family and friends, at work and in the community. You will develop the strong relationships that bring...

What is the Meaning of Life? What's the meaning of life? What's your purpose in life? Some people say there is no meaning to life. Other people say that the meaning of life is whatever you want it to be. But I think there's a much better answer. Welcome to Real Talk About Life where we use Covenant Leadership to develop the relationships that bring happiness and success in life, and change the world. What is Happiness? What's the meaning of life? What's your purpose in life? The answer is simple: Happiness. Fulfillment. It's that deep sense of contentment or satisfaction you get when you accomplish something big. Maybe you set a weight loss goal and, after a lot of dieting and a lot of hard work in the gym, you achieved it and you feel good about yourself. That's fulfillment. Maybe you're going to run a marathon or a 10K and you spend a lot of miles on the road getting ready for it. When you finish that 10K or that marathon, you're totally exhausted. You're totally spent, but you look back on it and you feel good about it. You feel good about yourself—that's fulfillment. Maybe you're on a sports team that wins a championship, or you are part of a work team that accomplishes a big project. You bond together with your teammates to achieve that and you feel good about it. It's a big achievement. You feel happy. Fulfilled. Happiness is About Relationships Most of the time we think of fulfillment or happiness in terms of achievements, something we've accomplished. At a deeper level, happiness is really about relationships. Think about that. Some of the most fulfilling, happiest times we have, are when we are simply spending time with others—a friend, a child, a spouse, someone we love. It is not that you are doing anything particular. It's just spending time with them. If fulfillment and happiness have to do with relationships, then what about achieving individual goals like running a marathon or losing weight or quitting smoking? What do those have to do with the relationship? The answer is that it did involve relationship. You did it in relationship with yourself. You had to motivate yourself, lead yourself through a difficult challenge, to the achievement. The more difficult the challenge, the happier and more fulfilled you feel. Happiness always involves relationship. Happiness in Life Those are all descriptions of happiness and fulfillment in specific situations. What about life? Happiness in life is when you look back over your whole life and you feel satisfied. Content that you did a good job. You lived a good life. Happiness is that deep sense of fulfillment of satisfaction that you get when you achieve something big or spend time with another. Happiness often includes achievements. It always involves relationship, happiness in life. Happiness in life is when you look back over your whole life and you feel content, satisfied, that you did a good job. That you lived a good life. Want to learn more about how to achieve happiness and success in life, and change our world while doing it? Check out our website for more on Covenant Leadership.

From our earlier episodes, we know that happiness in life comes from good, high-trust, covenant relationships. To develop good relationships, practice the three Covenant Virtues: Seek wisdom, practice love, and get results. The more people trust your wisdom, that you love them and that you can get results, the better your relationships and the stronger your leadership. The more you practice these virtues, the more they will become habits and part of your character. You won’t just develop relationships that bring happiness, you’ll also become a good leader at work, in your family and in life. There are three areas of relationship where you can practice the Covenant Virtues. They are your relationship with yourself, your relationship with family and friends, and the relationships you have at work and in the community. In this episode, we’ll take a look at your relationship with yourself. It’s incredibly important because it is the starting point for all your other relationships. Your Relationship with Yourself. One of the things that differentiates human beings from other creatures is that humans are self-conscious. We think about ourselves. We talk to ourselves. We might be happy or unhappy with ourselves. We are in relationship with ourselves. The relationship you have with yourself is critical because it is the foundation for all your other relationships in life. The stronger your relationship with yourself, the stronger your other relationships can be. Like other relationships, your relationship with yourself is all about trust. To trust yourself, you must trust your wisdom and knowledge about yourself. You must love and appreciate yourself. You must have self-confidence and the ability to lead yourself. Let’s take a look at your relationship with yourself in terms of the Covenant Virtues. Building the best relationship possible with yourself means reflecting on questions like those below. Seek Wisdom Wisdom is the combination of knowledge and character. Do you know yourself? Do you trust your own character? How is Your Self-Knowledge? How well do you know yourself? What kind of thinker are you? Are you more analytic or intuitive? What kinds of information do you need to make decisions? How well do you perform under pressure? What makes you happy? What makes you cranky? Do you have healthy emotional responses? Do your emotions overwhelm you? Do you suppress your emotions? How is Your Character? What are your good habits and character strengths? What are your bad habits and character challenges? How well does your perception of yourself match what wise family and friends think about you? Practice Love You can’t fully love other people unless you first love yourself. How Do You Feel About Yourself? How do you feel about your: Mental strength? Physical fitness? Appearance? Ability to make friends and have relationships? What are you proud of about yourself? What are you happy about yourself? What makes you feel sad, disappointed, or embarrassed about yourself? Do You Love Yourself? What qualities make you the unique, one-of-a-kind person that you are? Have you accepted the things about yourself that you cannot change? Are you proud of what you’ve accomplished and who you are? Get Results To get results, you must have strong self-confidence and self-leadership. Can you lead yourself through difficult situations and get results? How Is You Self-Confidence? Are you confident that you can achieve things? Do you over-question yourself to the point that it undermines your performance? Are you over-confident? What are the differences between self-confidence, pride and arrogance? How Much Do You Trust Yourself? In what situations do you trust yourself? In what situations do you not trust yourself? How Much Self-Leadership Do You Have?

We’ve all read dozens of articles giving us eight things we can do to be a better leader or parent or person. Most of them seem like good tips. By the time I read three or four articles, I have a list of 25-30 things I am supposed to do to be a better leader. And that’s after just a few days of reading. Maybe you are one of those people who can remember and do 25 things at the same time. If so, more power to you. I am not one of those people. I’ve learned The Power of Three. It’s simple. Most people can only remember and act on three things at the same time. It’s an important concept. All too often we give people a list of four or more things to remember and act on—and then wonder why things don’t work as intended. It’s much better to stick to 2-3 things. If your organization has more than three core values, you’re probably not getting the alignment, performance, engagement and productivity that you could. Let’s be clear. It is possible to memorize lists with more than three items. What people can’t do well is remember and act on more than three things at the same time. A little story. I was doing in-depth interviews with managers at a company about a variety of topics including their culture and values. The company had five core values. As part of the interview, I asked each manager if they knew the company values. Out of 60 interviews, only four managers knew all five values. Those four managers were close friends who worked in the same regional office. What about the other 56 interviews? Everyone remembered 2-3 values, but at four values, retention dropped off a cliff. In a later part of the interview, I asked each manager what leadership principles they thought were most important. In almost every case, the corporate values they remembered were the same as the leadership principles they shared. The point is that people can only remember and act on a maximum of three things. You can give people 10 values if you want, but they’ll likely remember and act on only 2-3 of them. Giving 100 people five values means that you’ll get 100 different versions of 2-3 values that each of them remembers and acts on. Instead of developing a consistent, unified, high-performance culture, you’ll get mush. If you have a list of more than three things that need to be accomplished, layer them. Choose the 2-3 most important items to learn and then, when you are very good at them, add in the next layer of 2-3 items. Take learning how to drive a car. When I was teaching my daughter to drive, I didn’t start her on a busy freeway or even a residential street. We didn’t work on steering and speed and navigation and… Instead, we started in a large parking lot. For 30 minutes, all my daughter did was take her foot off the brake and put it on the brake. Brake on. Brake off. She wasn’t allowed to touch the gas pedal. When we ran out of parking lot, she was allowed to turn the car in the opposite direction. She focused on just two things: braking and steering. Lesson One in driving was all about getting that first layer, that foundation, put in place. When she got good at that, we went back to that parking lot and she was allowed to use the gas pedal. She focused on getting good at 2-3 skills for one layer before we moved on to the 2-3 skills in the next layer. Over time, we added layer after layer, 2-3 skills at a time, to make her the safe driver she is today. People can remember simple lists of more than three things, but people can only remember and act on 2-3 things at the same time. If your organization is pushing more than three core values, consider improving your culture and performance by consolidating them into three. I recommend the core values of Seek Wisdom, Practice Love and Get Results. For more on that, check out my blogs on Wisdom and Practicing Love – Getting Results. That’s the Power of Three.

Welcome to the sixth episode in our series on how you can achieve happiness and success in life. From our earlier episodes, we know that Happiness and success in life come from high-trust, covenant relationships. In our last episode, we said that the best way of developing good relationships is to live the three virtues: Seek Wisdom Practice Love Get Results The more people trust your wisdom, that you love them, and that you get things done, the stronger your relationships. In our last episode we also talked about what wisdom is and why its critical for your success. In this episode, we’ll go deeper into the other two important virtues—Practice Love and Get Results. PRACTICE LOVE Back in the early 2000’s, I spent some time as the Ethics Officer for the Los Angeles Unified School District. The district had gone through a major scandal and was doing some reform. I was 36 years old. This was a senior position in a multi-billion-dollar agency, and my boss Hal gave me a great opportunity. It was a fantastic experience. Hal taught me about the law, government, politics, unions and leadership—all good stuff. What made Hal a great leader however, was that he genuinely cared about his people. We all worked harder for Hal because we knew he cared about us. Twenty years later, many of us are still friends with Hal. How did I know that Hal cared about me? He showed it several ways. Hal believed in me. He asked for my input on major issues within the broader legal office. He actively listened to what I said. In my area of responsibility, he gave me the authority to make district-wide decisions. When I was attacked, Hal backed me without hesitation—even when it cost him politically. Hal treated me like a teammate, not a minion. Hal really focused on doing the right thing for kids and the district instead of what was politically expedient. Finally, Hal took an active interest in my personal and career development. He challenged me to continuously improve my ideas, writing and work. He made sure that I learned important lessons about leadership, politics and big organizations that I could use throughout my life. I picked up a lot of knowledge from Hal, but more important, I learned the power of genuine care for others. Care doesn’t just get better performance from people. Care transforms both the person giving and the person receiving the care. Remember that. My junior high school wrestling coach, Jim, had a big impact on my life. The impact wasn’t that he taught me a better wrestling move. It was because he took the time to care. More than 40 years later, we’re still friends. Think back to the people who made the biggest differences in your life. Did they make that difference by teaching you a better way to throw a ball or do a math equation? Or did they make a difference because they cared? We have been talking about people caring for each other, so why is it practice love instead of care about others? It is because love is the deepest kind of caring you can have for another. Love gets the most commitment. Love builds the strongest relationship bonds. Love-based covenant relationships are deeper, stronger and more committed than contract/transactional relationships or power-based relationships. Of course, it’s really important to know what we mean by love. Love is much more than a feeling. Love is taking action to do what is best for another. The ancient Greeks recognized different types of love including philia and agape. Philia is brotherly love. That’s why Philadelphia is known as the City of Brotherly Love. Philia is a mutual friendship where you care about the other person’s well-being—what is best for them. Agape love is deeper, self-sacrificing love. It is when you are willing to die for another. Love doesn’t just benefit the person receiving the love. When you practice love, it transforms you. You become what you do. When you do something over and over,

It’s simple. Happiness and success come from high-trust, covenant relationships. We know that from our previous blogs-podcasts. So, what is the best way to develop good relationships? Just do three things: Seek Wisdom Practice Love Get Results The more people trust your wisdom, that you love them, and that you get things done, the stronger your relationships. In this episode, we’re going to focus on wisdom and why its critical to your success. SEEK WISDOM Wisdom is the knowledge you need to be good at something—whether that is painting a house, raising a family or leading a business. In the broadest sense, wisdom is the knowledge you need to live a good, successful and happy life. Wisdom includes common sense, and the ability to make good judgments and carry out good actions. Wisdom is much more than academic knowledge. Wisdom is the knowledge you get learning the truth about something combined with the knowledge you get through the experience of practicing those truths. For example, think about driving a car. In your driver’s ed class, they gave you academic knowledge about driving. They taught you the truth that if you turn the wheel right, the car will go to the right. And the truth that pressing the brake will slow the car. And the truths about having the right-of-way. But that academic knowledge itself doesn’t make you good at driving a car. You only get good at driving a car through the experience of practicing those truths while driving a car. You know a truth: Press the brake to slow down. You only become good at braking by practicing that knowledge/truth over and over until you get good at judging when to brake and how hard to brake. You practice the knowledge of braking until it becomes a habit. Part of your character. The more you practice, the more you learn about (the truth) of braking and the better you get. That makes wisdom a self-reinforcing cycle. You know a truth. You practice that truth repeatedly until it becomes a habit ingrained in your character. The experience of practicing the truth repeatedly brings you a deeper knowledge—wisdom—that only comes through that experience. That newly learned wisdom becomes the baseline for your next cycle. That is why wisdom only comes with experience. It is why experience—whether its raising kids, coaching a team or starting a business—is so important for success. It is why wisdom is the combination of your knowledge (of the truth) and your character (developed by the experience of repeatedly practicing that truth). We can put it in an easy formula: Wisdom = Knowledge + Character. KNOWLEDGE The knowledge component of wisdom is straightforward. At work, do you know the truth—the facts—about your expertise? If you are in marketing, do you have professional marketing knowledge? If you are in surgeon, how is your surgical knowledge? If you are an auto mechanic, do you know how to fix cars? If you are a supervisor, you need additional knowledge in leadership and management. On the leadership side, you need to know how to communicate goals, context and meaning to your people. You need to know how to inspire, motivate and encourage your people. Do you make good decisions under pressure? If you are senior leadership, you need to know how to think strategically and lead a team of teams. On the management side, you need to know how to optimize tasks, budgets, and resources to achieve goals. At home with your family, you need the knowledge to be a good spouse and parent. In the community, you need knowledge about how to be a good friend and citizen. With knowledge of these things, you can practice them until they become habits and part of your character. Wisdom is the knowledge you get in that applied experience. CHARACTER Your character is who you are. It is the sum of your qualities, virtues, and vices. Virtues are the good things in your character, like courage,

I am one of those people who sometimes learns things the hard way—by making mistakes. Many of the best leadership lessons I have learned came while I served as an AV-8B Harrier pilot in the Marine Corps. Sometimes the leadership lessons came in installments. In this case, the first installment came from The Cow and the second from Buckwheat. The Cow I was a young Marine officer and new AV-8B Harrier pilot who had just reported to my first squadron in Yuma, Arizona, a few months prior. In the Marine Corps, pilots don’t just fly. We all get ground jobs in the squadron running operations, logistics, intelligence, safety, maintenance, administration, etc. As the newest and lowest-ranking pilot in my squadron, I was designated the Classified Material Control Officer, responsible for the security of all our secret and confidential documents. I had a small office, a couple of secure file cabinets, a logbook and even a part-time assistant. While your flying skills are very important, your personnel evaluation—called a fitness report—is based mostly on how well you do your ground job. My first fitness report was due at the end of the month. My boss was (callsign) Cow, aka The Cow, a tall, lanky, red-haired guy who was known for his intensity and being hard on people. That’s the setup for my return from some vacation over Christmas. Cow called me in his office and closed the door. “How was your Christmas leave?” “Good sir,” I said. “You left the classified cabinets unlocked while you were gone,” Cow said. My heart sank. I made a huge mistake in my first job and just before my fitness report. I was screwed. Then Cow asked, “Do you know what you did wrong?” “Yes sir.” “Are you ever going to make that mistake again?” “No sir.” “Good. Your assistant found the unlocked drawers after you left. We inventoried everything and nothing is missing. I didn’t want to interfere with your Christmas. This won’t show up on your fitness report. Dismissed.” Buckwheat A year later I was going through my section lead check flight with my squadron commander—Buckwheat. A section lead qualifies you to lead a flight of two aircraft into combat. Buckwheat was one of the best pilots in the Marine Corps. He was intense and extremely demanding. If the section lead check flight in most squadrons was like getting a high school diploma, then Buckwheat’s version was like defending your master’s degree thesis. The plan was to fly a complex low-level strike from Yuma into the China Lake targets, land, debrief, and then fly back to Yuma. The check flight into China Lake went well. I was confident I was going to get my section lead qualification. We refueled, took off and climbed to altitude. It was a gorgeous day flying down the Colorado River to Yuma on what should be an easy return flight. Except I knew that Buckwheat was going to screw with me. Sure enough, after a while, Buckwheat was no longer on my wing. I contacted air traffic control and found him several miles behind. Buckwheat signaled that his radios were out. As we approached Yuma, he signaled that he also had a hydraulic emergency. That meant Buckwheat had to do a vertical landing. I called the Yuma Tower, declared an emergency and got Buckwheat cleared for a vertical landing. Crash crew rolled to the landing pad. Just after I signaled Buckwheat that he was cleared for a vertical landing, I heard his voice on the radio. “Check your fuel.” The expletives that filled my cockpit would have made a Marine Corps drill instructor blush. After all that work on the check flight, I had cleared Buckwheat for a vertical landing when he had too much fuel, too much weight, for a vertical landing. If he was an inexperienced wingman, he might have crashed. After landing, I climbed out of the aircraft really angry at myself. I wanted to throw my helmet down the flight line. Buckwheat was going to take me apart in a long debrief and I was go...

In our last blog, we talked about how happiness and fulfillment come from good, high-quality relationships. In this piece, we'll talk about the three basic ways to understand relationships, and find that covenant relationships give us the best chance for happiness and success. Three Types of Relationships Football, basketball and golf are all different paradigms for playing a sport. They all use the word “team”, but they mean different things by that word. In football, there are offensive, defensive and special teams, each with 11 players. In basketball, there is one team of five on the court with players substituting in and out. Golf is generally an individual sport, but uses teams for international competitions. The concept of team is different in each sport depending on the nature of the sport. In the same way, in history there are three major paradigms for understanding life—a Wisdom Paradigm, Modern Paradigm and Postmodern Paradigm—and each has its own understanding of human relationships that differs based on the paradigm. Each of these paradigms and their different understandings of relationship are present in our society today. We’ll take a look at Modern contract relationships, Postmodern power relationships and Wisdom covenant relationships. The more we know about each of these relationships types, the more we can engage the relationship that gives us the best chance for happiness and success—and avoid relationship types that are less effective. Contract Relationships In the 1500’s and 1600’s, Europe was devastated by religious wars that killed millions of people and bankrupted governments. In response, Enlightenment thinkers of the time tried to come up with a new, modern way of understanding life that included a new understanding of human relationships. They started with the idea that humans are radically free individuals in a state of nature—of constant war and anarchy—without basic, pre-existing relationships with others. Individuals in this state of anarchy have lots of freedom to do whatever they want, but don’t have much security, because other people are free to do bad things to them. The solution to this anarchy is that people come together in a social contract. They give up some of their freedom to the community or government and get security in return. As the Modern Paradigm became a dominant way of understanding life, people began to think of all relationships as fundamentally contract relationships. At their core, contract relationships are transactional and antagonistic. Take the example of companies and employees. In a contract relationship, employees want more money from the company for less work. Companies want more work from employees for less money. What is good for one is bad for the other. Employees need jobs and companies need workers, so eventually they negotiate a contract. They establish a contractual relationship. By definition, what’s good for the employee and good for the company are opposite. That means contract relationships are low-trust relationships. Low-trust relationships driven by money get low levels of commitment from people. Low commitment results in low performance. That’s why contract relationships are low performance relationships. Finally, low-trust, low-commitment relationships aren’t very stable. They are brittle. When you put them under pressure, they break. In contractual relationships, you get the relationship you pay for. Would you rather have friends who are with you because they love you or because you give them things? Contract relationships are low-trust, low-performance, low-stability relationships. Power-based Relationships In the 1900’s, a new postmodern way of looking at life became increasingly influential in our society. Postmodern thinking is grounded in the idea that many of the things we think are facts—like truth, morality and justice—are not facts,