The Offensive

2018/19 Season

An award-winning mockumentary following Premier League club Ashwood City FC.

  • 1 minute 9 seconds
    Introducing... BOOM Season Two | Out now

    The creators of The Offensive are back with Season Two of their groundbreaking audio drama, BOOM.


    The first two episodes are out now, with new episodes released every Monday. 


    Search 'BOOM' in your podcast app and subscribe. And if you want to get the whole series straightaway, for the first time ever you can purchase all six episodes ad-free for £6.99 with Acast+ here.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    10 July 2023, 3:00 pm
  • 42 minutes 35 seconds
    Bonus: Episode 189 - Thanks for Listening

    Behind the scenes for The Offensive finale.


    patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    29 May 2023, 4:30 am
  • 41 minutes 27 seconds
    Episode 188 - The Final Finale: Part 2

    The fate of the club and its staff hang in the balance as 5 years of mismanagement and greed come home to roost.


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall


    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie


    Additional Voices:

    Natalie Green

    Joel Emery

    Adam Jarrell


    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell 


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell 


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    29 May 2023, 4:00 am
  • 25 minutes 44 seconds
    Episode 187 - The Final Finale: Part 1

    Having been relegated from the Premier League, the season's proceedings come to a close. Including an outstanding Court of Appeal appearance for Sir Patrick Nolan and Ashwood City FC. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie


    Additional Voices:

    Harry Attwell

    Lauren Ingram

    Karim Kronfli

    George Still



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell 


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell 


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery



    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    22 May 2023, 4:00 am
  • 35 minutes 37 seconds
    Episode 186 - Full Time

    Matchday 38 and just 90 minutes of football remain in the 2022/23 Premier League season as Ashwood City throw everything at survival.


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson


    As themselves:

    Peter Drury

    Gary Lineker

    Alan Shearer

    Micah Richards

    Jules Breach

    Kate Mason

    Danny Jamieson 



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell & Joel Emery


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell & Joel Emery


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery



    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    15 May 2023, 4:00 am
  • 25 minutes 16 seconds
    Episode 185 - Everton v Ashwood City

    It's Matchday 37 in the Premier League and we join Peter Reynolds and Billy Richards for Everton v Ashwood City at Goodison Park.


    Voices by: Joel Emery


    Episode written by: Joel Emery


    Executive Producer: Joel Emery


    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    8 May 2023, 4:00 am
  • 24 minutes 34 seconds
    Episode 184 - Council Culture

    Off the back of a 4-0 defeat to Manchester United, Ashwood City need a result on the pitch. Meanwhile, a decision by a local magistrate gives them a result off the pitch. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie


    Additional Voices:

    Joel Emery

    Thomas Mitchells

    Jemma Revell

    Lauren Hall

    Adam Jarrell

    Michael Lyons




    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery



    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1 May 2023, 4:00 am
  • 23 minutes 51 seconds
    Episode 183 - Hove is where the Heart is

    As the financial cuts deepen, Ashwood City are barely keeping the league form together at the most important stage of the season. Chief-Executive Jess Tate and Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan finally discuss the fallout from administration.


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie


    Additional Voices:

    Joel Emery



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery



    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    24 April 2023, 4:00 am
  • 30 minutes 20 seconds
    Episode 182 - All The Manager's Men

    In the grips of a brutal CVA, further cuts are made and this time the coaching staff are targeted. Sporting Director Chris 'Woody' Woodall looks to offer a beleaguered Dan Watson all the help he can during a wobble in form as Patrick Nolan continues to distance himself from the crisis.


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie

    Joel Emery as Dan Watson



    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Joel Emery


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery



    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Holy Smokes Media Ltd.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    17 April 2023, 4:00 am
  • 20 minutes 10 seconds
    Episode 181 - Risen from the Zoom

    Ashwood City travel to The Emirates Stadium on Easter Weekend. Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan informs Chris 'Woody' Woodall and Colin Walsh of his Zoom meeting with the local council. Meanwhile, Administrator Tom Beattie has completed his dreaded 'Black Folder'. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie

    Natalie Green as Elaine Wright

    Chirstopher Swift as Reuben Thomas



    Additional Voices:

    Adam Jarrell

    Joel Emery





    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery



    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    10 April 2023, 4:00 am
  • 23 minutes 55 seconds
    Episode 180 - Uncivil War

    Ashwood City clash with the local council over who's to blame for the collapse of the iBET stand. Meanwhile, Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan makes a momentous call on the club's future. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

    Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie

    Darcey Ferguson as Leanne Potter

    Natalie Green as Elaine Wright



    Additional Voices:

    Adam Jarrell

    Joel Emery

    Vanessa Emery




    Episode written by:

    Joel Emery


    Edited by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:

    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:

    Joel Emery



    With thanks to:

    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders

    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    3 April 2023, 4:00 am
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