the joyful delivery of our eighth baby, after a stressful wait

You would think that as a seasoned Christian mom of many, with the last four babies being out-of-hospital med-free natural births, I would have a lot of confidence and fearlessness going into birth. But that’s not really the case. 

There’s this tension between faith and fear that I live in, but especially in the last month of pregnancy:

I have complete faith that God loves me and that He works all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose, and I know that His design for the female body is to birth living babies into the world,

but

I’m also acutely aware that sometimes He allows immense suffering in the lives of those He loves. And like Christ, we’re supposed to take up our cross and follow Him into that suffering, if He wills it. And it's hard not to tense up and dread that possibility.

In 2008, I tragically, suddenly lost a full-term healthy baby girl, Grace Evangeline, to a cord accident. The worst thing any pregnant mother fears had become a reality. So what do I do with that?? A pregnant mom is so attached to her unborn baby, and is forced to think about their very real existence at all hours of the day and night. I can’t ignore them or wait to love them once they’re safely on the outside of my body. And I can’t go into labor cheerfully sure that everything is going to be OK. 

Why do I still get stuck in this mental rollercoaster after six perfectly healthy deliveries, the last being Rose’s blissful and perfect birth?! My body has proven to be a safe home for babies more often than not! And I know that God’s normative design for women is to birth babies and fill the earth! 

***

This pregnancy flew by without complaint, far more quickly than the other seven, because I was so busy with a full house of children. I’d started pregnancy 10 pounds lighter this time after almost a year of exercising five days a week and feeling stronger than ever. And at the end of third trimester, I’d had great blood pressure readings, great iron level, great glucose test, great ultrasound scan, great energy levels. But nearing 40 weeks, the fears had certainly crept in anyway. 

I was getting very concerned about having an enormous baby and fearful about not being able to push him out, or having to transfer to a hospital for pain. Baby boy looked pretty large in there, and his positioning had been wonky (sunny-side-up) for a week or two. To try and move the baby into a better position for labor, I’d been doing Spinning Babies inversions and the Miles Circuit, and started getting daily chiropractic. But there’s always the question of whether a bad position means the baby is tangled in their cord and unable to properly descend. Between my history of loss, and my history of massive babies (Wesley was 10 lbs 8 oz, and he came one day before his due date), I was in a bad place mentally.

On top of that, my ankles were swelling, which they never have in any of my other pregnancies. And my age (41), which had never worried me before, started some “what ifs” swirling in my mind. 

But also around this time, my midwife was being called to other women’s labors, which made me extremely anxious that she wasn’t going to make it to my birth. Wesley’s birth needed assistance because of his size, and if this baby was big and badly positioned, I’d need her help again! Unassisted birth has never been my plan.

Right before 40 weeks, I started having strong (but not painful) contractions every 10 minutes. They kept going all day and night, as I passed the due date and beyond. For a week straight, I was dealing with these annoying pre-labor contractions. I kept waking up at 2 or 3 a.m. with uncontrollable shivers and shakes, thinking I MUST be in transition and about to push the baby out. I was having dreams that I *was* pushing the baby out right there in bed. Three days overdue, I actually called the midwife in the middle of the night, and had her assistant Bethanie come check to make sure I wasn’t actually in active labor! Alas, I wasn’t. 

Looking and feeling large, at 40 weeks and 3 days

3 a.m. heartbeat check

On that same night, Lochlan came to our room asking if he could take an aspirin, because one of his front teeth was in immense pain. Bizarre. The kid has had lots of recent dental and orthodontist appointments and scans, and no sign of problems had been noticed. This problem intensified in the following days...

Girls and cousins

A day later, the grandparents took all the kids to their houses to give me and Jeff a little mental break. Maybe the quiet would send me into labor. Jeff and I went out to a nice restaurant, but I wasn’t able to eat more than a few bites of food at a time, and I was worried about the baby not getting enough protein to stave off preeclampsia. Every step anywhere made me wonder if my water would break and I’d have to give birth in the car. 

Meanwhile, Lochlan was calling us from the grandparents’ house, saying his mouth pain was unbearable.

40 weeks and 5 days, feeling down

In the morning, 40w5d, my mom called us saying that our 4-year-old Colette was lethargic and her eyes were rolling back in her head, and that we should come quickly. Her big sisters confirmed that it looked like she was having a mini seizure or something. We hopped right in the car, carrying along a towel in case baby came, knowing also that there’s no cell reception the entire drive to Fredericksburg. I planned to take Colette straight to the hospital, and maybe check myself in there too, if active labor came on. 

When we arrived at my mom’s, Colette was starting to wake up, and had drunk three glasses of water and eaten a few bites of cereal. But she was still not herself, and her head kept dropping to the side. Maybe she’d been dehydrated after a day of hard play in the hot sun? Or was this a flu? We brought her home and she slept most of the afternoon away. By evening, she was completely rejuvenated and bouncing around again, as if nothing unusual had happened. What a day.

That evening, Lochlan’s face started to swell. First it was just his lips, so we gave him some Benadryl. Then it got really bad. The whole cheek was swelling. We looked over his teeth and gums again, and did not see any sign of decay or infection or redness! Was this an allergic reaction?? Jeff took him to the ER and they said it looked like a gum infection and gave an antibiotic. I was skeptical, but it was the weekend and we couldn’t see a dentist.

Sunday morning, 40w6d–almost a week overdue–I was basically beside myself. Was I going to have an 11-pound baby? Twelve pounds? The pre-labor contractions were nearly constant, I’d lost my plug, and I couldn’t handle anymore of this. I was worried about my kids. I needed something happy to happen.

I had our midwife come visit, skip her church service, and make sure the baby was ok, check his positioning, check dilation, and confirm I wasn’t already in labor. She did a stretch-and-sweep that took me to 6 cm. And she prayed with me.

My mom took the kids back home with her, except Lochlan, whose puffy face now looked like a character from the Grinch. A blister had formed over his gums, they were turning black, and several of his adult teeth were LOOSE! The antibiotic was doing nothing. Lochlans emergency led us to another ER, this time in Fairfax, at the hospital where Lochlan was born. Maybe they could get us an x-ray or IV antibiotics??

It was a gloomy, gross, drizzling, sticky day, and we were becoming increasingly worried that something truly unusual was going on with him. He was in agony. But the doctor there was snippy and annoyed with us, saying we just needed to wait for the antibiotic to do its work. 

That evening, my every-10-minute contractions that I’d had for a week, continued on boringly, and I took a hot shower to wash off the hospital germs and get spring pollen out of my hair. By 11, Jeff and I went reluctantly to bed, another day without the baby being born. 

No more than twenty minutes after I laid down and drifted off, I felt the baby’s head bump downward hard! It was like he was headbutting his way out! Two minutes later, another headbutt! A few minutes later, I was jolted again, and this time I got on all fours in bed to try and get more comfortable. Nope, that didn’t help. On the next head-ramming, I hopped out of bed and stood next to it hunched over. Jeff said groggily, “What are you doing??”  I made a plan to get to the bathroom with the next one, but I didn’t have much time between these intense sensations. I said I was in labor for sure. “Get Kelly to come now!”

I sat in our dark bedroom (ah, the beauty of darkness and privacy in homebirth)  in the rocking chair, which I felt glued to, and the contractions started coming every 5 minutes, then every 4 minutes, then every 3. They were lasting long, sometimes 2 minutes or more! 

From previous births, I remembered to just focus on the progress they were making, and think how it was just a muscle squeezing. The more positive I feel about it, the less I perceive it as pain. And the less painful it actually becomes! I always attempt to smile and tell myself that “this is fun!” once or twice. I ran on the Cross Country running team in high school, and have always sort of enjoyed the challenge of physical endurance!

In thirty minutes, the nurse midwife, Bethanie, arrived–Hallelujah!--and by that point I was completely in labor-mode with my eyes closed. I felt like I could finally relax that support was here and my body could now do its thing.

The niggling fears kept cropping up, though. I was most worried about the pushing getting stalled or the baby getting stuck, though I probably couldn’t have put that into words then. I started to focus on a few verses in scripture. They’re probably not the most common ones for labor, because they don’t touch on fear. I was more in maternal sacrifice mode – I was going to give this baby the best chance at life that I could give him, no matter how painful it was to me, even if I lost my own life doing it. Maybe that’s irrational, but birth is such an extreme event, forcing you to face both life and death. 

One verse is 1 Timothy 2:15 “ But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.”

I take this to mean that it’s women’s noble role to bear children (if we’ve been blessed with marriage and fertility), that it’s our primary means of sanctification and fulfillment, but we need to do it in faith as unto the Lord. In labor, this gave me purpose –  birth was God-ordained; it was for Him!

Likewise, verses in Titus 2 and 1 Timothy 5 encouraged me that God has called me to bear children and raise them and manage my household well. This is my job and I need to do it faithfully. I’m in this, like it or not, and it’s my duty. 

***

A few minutes before 1 a.m. Bethanie suggested Jeff fill up the bathtub, if I still wanted a water birth, which I definitely did. However, the tub makes it real! For me, the warm water is for pushing – it helps with stretching the skin and preventing tearing. 

Dipping into the warm, cozy iron tub, I wondered if the contractions would slow down like they had with Wesley’s birth, when I had to get out every few minutes to make them come back. But I’d forgotten how much prelabor my body had already done over the past week! My body was about ready to shoot baby out like a pulled-back slingshot. 

Contractions stayed intense and close together for one hour in the tub, during which I was getting a little bored, frustrated, and lonely, and needed some pep! I asked Jeff for some worship music, and the “Let us Worship” album, that we’d heard live in Washington, DC in 2020, seemed right for this moment. 

Instead of thinking about contractions, I was able to focus on the joy of following Jesus, the mountains trembling at His authority and power, singing in the storm, up from the ashes hope will arise, I will raise a hallelujah in the middle of the mystery, and fear losing its hold on me! 

All of this is for King Jesus! Every pain, every breath! I’ll glorify God and enjoy Him forever!

And that got me straight through transition! 

Sometime during all of that, midwife Kelly had arrived and she’d been periodically checking baby’s heart rate with the doppler. 

I started feeling nauseated and needing something to change. I was ready to see that baby’s face. 

Like the last three births, Kelly quietly, stoically reminded me that I could try to push and see how it felt. YEAH, I wanted to! 

It felt like one push to see if I could…and I asked Jeff to roll up a towel at the bottom of the tub for me to push against…then one push that broke my water with a big wave into the bath…one big push to get out the head…and another to get out the body! 

Once the pushing begins, I want it over fast! I’ve still never felt the ring of fire, and I’m happy to keep it that way. 

I had to get a couple gulps of air before I could take baby from the midwife, but out he came crying immediately, and when I held him he was just stunningly perfect with a rounded head and square jawline beneath squishy cheeks. “Thank you, Jesus!” we all repeated!!! It was only 2:15 a.m.!

(Lochlan, down the hall, my first child to ever be home during a sibling’s birth, woke up hearing Everett’s first cries!)

None of my fears about the birth had come even remotely true! Like Rose’s blissful birth, I never felt like saying, “I can't do this!” and I never had contractions that were unbearably painful. Pushing felt almost exactly the same. The entire active labor with Everett was about three hours, which was definitely my fastest! Possibly my easiest! And this baby was just perfect.

He was a strong nurser from the very first suck, only a minute or two after he was born! The nursing produces contractions which tell the placenta to detach and the uterus to begin its shrinking. God has designed this beautifully. The cord turned fully white, having transferred all of its blood back to Everett, and Jeff was able to then cut it. And once again, the mess of birth was contained in the bathtub. I was moved to the bed and I didn’t feel dizzy, no ‘seeing stars’, and I drank loads of water and some rehydration drink. 

We’ve now had three babies in this house, since moving in four years ago in 2020! It’s extra funny considering we thought we were “done” having kids before building the home with five total bedrooms, back when we had two boys and two girls. Our cup runneth over! 

Snuggled in bed, I was bursting with curiosity about his weight. I had definitely looked like I’d been carrying twins, but Everett didn’t look as big as Wesley had. We were guessing around nine pounds. But tada–he shocked us by not only hitting 10 pounds, but going seven ounces beyond! Just one ounce less than Wesley! 

My goodness, I make HUGE BABIES. I remember being 13 years old, and complaining to my mom about my wide hip bones that were forming, and she would say how that was perfect for holding babies. I think my babies just like to completely fill that space before deciding it’s time to exit my body! And now I know for sure that it’s not more painful than other baby sizes (Colette was my most difficult birth, and she was more than a pound less than Everett.)

The midwives did a full inspection of Everett, looked over the placenta, and checked my vitals. Everything was just excellent. So with smiles and hugs, my birth team left us to sleep before the sun came up, just how you imagine it to go in a storybook. 

Chunky Everett’s first official photo, after midwives had left, and he was already going to sleep for the night!

*** 

Everett’s birth story wouldn’t be quite complete without telling the drama that ensued with his biggest brother, the hours after he was born. 

When he woke on Everett’s birthday morning, Lochlan was so swollen, he was barely recognizable, and the swelling was scarily close to his eye and ear. I was concerned about not only him losing his teeth, but him losing sight, hearing, or worse…his life. You just do not play around with infections this close to the brain. Yet two ERs had been flippant about it! Jeff called a local emergency dental office who could get him seen right away. 

They left me and Everett at home, and my sister, Hannah, was able to stay with me in case of hemorrhage or other post-birth complications. 

The orthodontist had sent previous x-rays over to the dentist, and after looking at those and his mouth, and determining that the infection had become cellulitis, he said this was completely odd and Lochlan needed to be seen by a surgeon STAT. Thank the LORD, the surgeon was able to see him immediately and got Lochlan in for a CT scan. 

When Jeff called and told me that, my postpartum mom brain went to the worst case scenarios – Did he have a brain tumor? Cancer? A blood clot? Were we going to lose him? Did God just give me a baby boy to replace my oldest son?! I felt so sick over it. We all started to pray.

But Lochlan wasn’t going to die. The scan did show a crazy anomaly–a bizarre formation of a tooth-within-a-tooth. When his adult tooth had formed years ago, another tooth had formed inside it! And that open system had been like a cave where bacteria could multiply and hide undetected for years. So that’s why we didn’t see any cavity or darkness on the outside of the tooth. Something must have happened to knock that area and release the bacteria into the gums, causing the sudden explosive infection…which could have been deadly if not for xrays! 

The oral surgeon gave him two choices: remove the tooth and drain the infection from his face right away or in a few days. There was no benefit to waiting, and a few days wait might mean some of our worst fears could come true. So really, there was no choice.

An adult front upper tooth, which majorly affects how he looks, would have to be immediately removed. Jeff called to tell me Lochlan was going in for surgery. Lochlan was so brave and didn’t mourn it, but knew how critical this was.

Within a few hours, Lochlan was home, alive, but with a gaping hole in his smile. He still had more loose adult teeth and wasn’t in the clear with infection, but the worst was past. I had a rocky postpartum, sad and worried for my Lochlan, and it took me weeks to fully exhale and begin to freely enjoy newborn days.

***

Everett has been my easiest baby to date, and now we’re just in utter and total bliss with him. He stares up into my eyes intensely all day, and is generous with his smiles and coos. There are days I can barely look at him without tearing up. I feel so undeserving. God has been good to us. Here we are as parents to a healthy newborn again at age 41!

Two days after Everett was born

sweetest little face

One of our only family photos so far! Spring has been busy for this new family of NINE.

Isn’t he just glorious?

The beautiful birth of our seventh child

Months eight and nine of pregnancy always make me question my sanity in getting pregnant in the first place. This time was especially hard, because… JULY. After two months of misery, being pushed to my absolute bodily limits, puking at night from heartburn, feeling like I couldn't breathe in the thick Virginia humidity with a baby's feet in my lungs, hobbling around with pressure in my leg from ugly varicose veins, and bearing guilt from not having as much patience with the kids as I normally do, I was READY for baby. (And you know how much I love babies!!!) I was ready long before my due date, and I was getting annoyed that my body makes such big babies.

I was taking daily belly pictures, thinking surely this will be the last one before labor begins! And I was mentally trying to pump myself up for home birth. It was hard because I already felt like I needed an epidural just for being nine months pregnant—how was I going to push out a baby with this much strain on my body already? I had to repeatedly go over why I prefer natural birth. (I'd list those reasons here, but read on and maybe you'll gather why.)

Two days before Rose was born!

At 39 weeks 6 days of my pregnancy, I woke at 9 a.m. to Rose kicking—the best way to wake. It was a gorgeous sunny summer morning, and I'd had a miraculously great night's sleep with *no* heartburn. I went downstairs—which I've kept meticulously clean and with fresh flowers in all the vases for weeks—and found all the kids and Jeff playing together on the playroom floor—no fights to be heard! It was a heavenly bliss. As much as I hate being 3rd trimester pregnant in Virginia's stifling heat, THIS was the reason summer is a great time to have a baby!

Fresh pink roses ready in anticipation for baby Rose!

I started grating and juicing lemons to make lemon blueberry muffins from scratch, and started frying bacon, when out of the blue, my water broke!

I had really wanted to not have it break before labor, since thats how it happened with my previous birth and that one had been my MOST painful!

But God knew this was right for me. Maybe I would have not gone into labor until much later because of my mental hangups about it— I felt like I hadn't been allowing my body to relax enough because the chaos of our big family life and noise and messes. My nesting urges were so strong, and I wanted the house *just right* before baby could come! And we all know that an artist's work is never complete!

I wasn't having contractions and knew it could be awhile, so I finished making breakfast , changed clothes, and announced to everyone that my water had broken... to everyone's loud cheers!!! They've been expecting this announcement every day for weeks! Jeffrey prayed safety over the delivery and over our baby. We ate jovially and I started getting nauseated knowing what was coming. So we called the grandparents and midwife so everyone could begin to mobilize.

When all the kids were rounded up into the van, I started feeling my first twinge of sadness and sentimentality. Pregnancy is always a time of buoyancy and gladness and peace for me, so I knew there was some sort of hormonal shift happening. I felt like I needed to look into every child's face and tell them how much I loved them. I also was reminded that there's always a chance that the worst could happen and I may never see them again. Thankfully, God flooded me with serenity and I was able to stop my tears.

With everyone out of the house, (it almost felt like a tropical vacation), and Jeff tasked with mowing the lawn and cutting more fresh flowers for me from the yard, I was able to pray and focus on getting my body prepared for labor. I showered and blow-dried and curled my hair and put on a cheery blue dress! Then I started the Miles circuit, which is supposed to help baby get into an optimal position and speed up labor. You do 30 minutes of an inversion position, then 30 minutes exaggerated left side lying, then stair walking. Everything I tried to do was interrupted by gushes of more of the water leaking! I'd leave little puddles on the wood stairs every time I went up to change out of the wet clothes. Contractions weren't getting stronger, though.

So I vacuumed, did a full load of laundry, ironed our pink table runner, and mentally soaked in the peace and quiet that I wouldn't get any time soon with a newborn coming! This is one of the beauties of home birth— all your nesting is for the very real purpose of preparing the very space where your baby will be born. Your space is tailored exactly to you, and when the birth pains come, you can sink into the familiarity and privacy of the surfaces, textures, lighting, smells, and cleanliness of the spot YOU chose. The first medical intervention a birthing mother can take is to leave the comfort of home. It changes your very physiology.

The sun shone and the blue skies were clear and I was SO THANKFUL. I needed that cheer to ward off any dread about what was coming. I made a point of smiling, even alone to myself.

By 4 pm the contractions were still not strong, but I knew even a little bit can dilate you! My midwife came for a casual stop-in (with no intention of staying) and gave me a quick dilation check—5 cm! Yes! She chatted with us for a while, and we discussed going out to buy a newborn carseat and walking the stores. Clearly, labor wasn't in earnest just yet. My midwife agreed to leave, and maybe go home for dinner—she lives an hour away— but I think she knew something I didn't. Because she parked her car at the bottom of our long driveway and then texted that she'd only go to the other midwife's house who lived nearby. And within those moments my contractions turned into the real deal, and we let her know we were *not* going out after all. She'd return by 6:45.

I sat myself down in our brand new white glider in the bedroom, pink lemonade and contraction tracker in hand, and knew I wouldn't be leaving that floor of the house until baby was in my arms. Somehow my mental hard-work mode was turned on full-blast, and that concept didn't overwhelm me. Things felt calm and homey.

Just two hours before the birth!

However, I *was* getting the shivers, which is how I usually feel when transition (typically the hardest/most painful part of labor, right before pushing begins) kicks in! I was getting eager for the midwives to arrive so I could go get in the tub for some (hopeful) relief. I felt like if I got in alone, the baby may come too quickly and they'd miss it! I hadn't hit that "I can't do this" and "I want to quit" and "Someone else do this" stage, which I was fully expecting...

Everything after that was a blur of peace and intensity! The midwives slipped in quietly, set up the room, and checked baby's heart-rate. Baby blankets were being heated with the heating pad, and the bedsheets were changed to dark durable grey. Then I put on a powder blue top and got into our barely-used white iron tub. We'd already set up fresh roses in the bathroom and I'd bought super fluffy new organic towels. It was so pretty in there!

I'd hated the tub and water with Colette's birth—it had felt like pain attacking my skin— but this time it was exactly what I needed. The bathroom door was shut, and I was alone with my task. God had fully equipped me for this, as He did for the billions of women who've gone before me. I kept picturing the warm water softening and stretching everything, and with each contraction, I was able to feel thankful that I could do this— what an honor to be entrusted with the gift of motherhood.

By 7:30 p.m. the contractions were becoming extremely long, all over a minute, and one was 5 full minutes with no break at all. Jeff came to check on me and get me more drink —he knows I like to be alone with my pain, but also that I like that someone is concerned about me.

I was shivering and shaking like crazy. It was time to find a simple object to focus my eyes on— all other thoughts are just too heavy when your body is transitioning like that. I looked at my feet, and the orchid pink toenail polish color was calming and creative to me! Perfect!

Now I was feeling pressure at the base of my spine. I waited out a few contractions like that, and yep, my body was pushing! I was internally celebrating—my last two births hadn't given me that baby ejection reflex! This must mean baby is in a good position for a smooth exit!!!

I could barely get a breath out as things were SO intense, but I called, "Hey, guys!!!" Nobody heard me the first time! Then I called again and they scrambled in, moving all the birth supplies into that room, and Kelly checked me. Fully dilated with a bit of cervical lip! The contractions had become searingly painful. But at that point, my body just started pushing hard. I immediately felt the head descending—praise the Lord. I remember that feeling from the other births. There's nothing like it. You're delivering a REAL WHOLE HUMAN BEING into the world. The head felt BIG.

With the slightest fear that baby may be bigger than Wesley was (10 lbs 8 oz), I closed my eyes and readied myself to push with every ounce of energy I had. But I didn't need it because with two more huge almost involuntary pushes, baby's head was out (cord wrapped around her neck). And as the midwife advised me to take it slowly, my body just started pushing out the rest of her body! I leaned back on the iron tub as I pushed—feeling baby's shoulders a little more than other births—and ended up with a bruise on the back of my head for days afterward. My teeth were sore from clenching too! (Jeff said from his perspective, it looked like I took only one long push to get her entire body out, and I didn’t take a breath the whole time! He said I had a huge vein in my neck popping out that he’s never seen at any time except during the pushing phase of childbirth!)

And just like that, she was out! With the swift draw-up of my newborn from the water to my chest, I exhaled with,"Praise God! Praise God! Praise God!" And the midwives echoed, "Thank you, Jesus!" as they covered baby with warm blankets. And our healthy, chunky baby cried as Jeff knelt down next to us, his eyes tearful, a proud dad. It was 8 o'clock and the sun was setting in pink and gold, the sky full of glorious Michaelangelo-style clouds, and the room was filled with the warm light. Can you even believe we got a birth like this?!

Moments after she was born!

From the start of intense contractions to the birth was only three hours!

After we'd stared at our newborn, waited for the cord to finish pulsating (she needs all of her blood from the placenta!), cut the cord, and delivered the placenta (which was a little more difficult than I'd remembered), I was able to go from the tub to the bed and drink some celebratory orange juice! I felt great. And I said several times, "I am SO GLAD that's over!"

I had no tearing, very minimal blood loss (I think that was due to my focus on eating slices of parmigiana cheese, which is high in vitamin K, every day of third trimester!), and baby was alert and happy.

We named her Rose Verity, meaning beautiful truth. She will know the Truth of her Creator and Savior, Jesus, and reflect Him everywhere she goes.

She looks a lot like her mama, with my square face, and thin lips, and my longer piano fingers and toes. Her tiny voice is adorably feminine. And she weighed 9 pounds 10 ounces, and measured 21" long, our second biggest newborn! (When I heard the midwife say 10, I thought for sure she was 10 pounds!) I'd bought newborn size diapers in hopes of having a tiny baby, but they didn't fit her! I am always shocked how my body can grow such huge chunkers when I can barely eat 1200 calories a day during my third trimester. Where does it come from?!

The midwives slipped away into the night as quietly as they'd come in, after giving mama and baby a good looking-over, and instructions to daddy. During the many months of hour-long prenatal appointments, the midwives become like trusted family. Once their job is done, I don't get continually poked and prodded and awoken by strangers. They trust my maternal instincts will do what they're created to do.

After the midwives left that night, baby Rose set out to establish a solid milk supply for herself, by nursing relentlessly till morning. She wanted to maintain her chub! And she gained a full pound her first week of life!

The first morning after birth!

She joins our Christ's-kingdom-minded family, excited to train her up in the way she should go! Every one of the kids is in love with her and wants 6+ kids of their own one day, which means they have a positive view of big families and pregnancy and birth and babies! (That's shocking considering how miserable I felt the last month or so of pregnancy.)

We're looking forward to a gorgeous autumn with this new baby, a season of new beginnings. Our new homeschool year will be more challenging with a nursing infant, but also more hopeful. Food tastes better for me while breastfeeding, so I'm already picturing the pumpkin, broths, roasts, yeasty breads and creamy coffees of the next several months. And I'm envisioning our autumn walks on the local battlefields and mountains and apple-picking with Rose all snuggly in her wrap. We all rejoice with every baby milestone, except for maybe the fussy teething stage. After having done the newborn stage five times, I know how demanding the breastfeeding and attachment building is, but I savor the preciousness of this tiny baby time more than ever.

I don’t take any of this for granted. God is so good to allow babies to be part of His plan for us. What a treasure to be entrusted with. So much blessing to steward. I love being a “fruitful vine” (Psalm 128:3).

Our family of EIGHT!

Blessing upon blessing.

Mama and baby.

The last two years, our world was turned upside down by out-of-control power-drunk politicians, and we look out over this wreckage and wonder where on earth did things go wrong?

Why were people OK with...

• their children being kept home from school, forced to endure vastly increased screen time, when they were at 0% risk from the virus? Why were they masked, when everyone knew it would hurt their long-term ability to communicate and relate to other people?

• lockdowns and their freedom utterly erased?

• mandates being seen as laws?

• 10s of thousands losing their jobs and small businesses, and many of them forced into poverty? many of them committing suicide from hopelessness?

• experimental risky vaccines pushed upon them, without regard to their religious views, their prior immunity, or their desire to take on that risk?

• police chasing down single joggers or single surfers on the beach?

• convicted criminals released early back onto the streets?

• churches closed, pastors arrested for simply opening their doors?

• snitch lines opened and neighbor turned against their peaceful neighbor?

• people's faces --the Imago Dei, the very sacred image of God -- being forced to be muzzled and covered? their very human existence vastly changed?

• people burning down buildings and beating shop owners to a pulp, while media called it "mostly peaceful"?

• when moms who were concerned about obscene pornographic books in their kids' schools were labeled domestic terrorists by the government that was supposed to be protecting them?

• when politicians said taxpayers and parents shouldn't have a right to say what their kids were learning?

Still today, my own husband isn't allowed in his office due to his personal beliefs about forced pharmaceuticals. (I'm so proud of him for taking a stand for our family.)

Seriously, what happened to our country?

People stopped doing their duty of being We The People. Actually, they never knew their role from the very beginning. The government school system taught them to be blindly obedient to the State.

That's why they didn't just say, "No!" to all the travesties that occurred all around them in the past two years. And that's why to this day, they don't know what a precious gift we were given by God in this country's unique form of government, where they absolutely CAN and SHOULD say no to assaults on their rights. And EVERY SINGLE ONE of us needs to learn our history and Constitution so that we can restore this Christian nation to its original ideals, and transform it to something even better that it has ever been.

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN

Teach your children to be thankful for the freedom they've been given by God. Tell them the history of every other nation up until the US, and how blessed they are to live here. Tell them about the more than 100, 000, 000 people who were killed under Marxist Communism. Tell them about how we were freed from over 2,000 years of the totalitarian kings in Europe who claimed to rule us by "divine right." Tell them about the life of brutality and poverty and looting and murder under every form of government that has existed throughout history...until the principles of Christianity began to drive nations toward respecting their neighbor's rights.

Because we love our neighbor as ourselves, we want freedom from tyranny for them. We desire the peaceful life that is birthed out of the Biblical framework. The concepts of honoring others' Life, Liberty and Property rights come directly from the Bible.

The civil government was never meant to provide for us or educate us or do anything for us beyond wielding the sword (Romans 13) to punish evildoers who violate your God-given rights to life, liberty and property. The civil government has been taking authority that never belonged to them.

God's design is SO much better than an all-powerful global government (shudder!) could ever conceive. His design is to create self-ruled people (according to God's moral law), who govern their families well and provide for them and educate them, and churches who govern and lead the local body spiritually, and then these moral people create local representative government to punish evil. The closer to home these governments are, the better they can serve the individual interests and needs of these self-ruled peoples…and they can FLOURISH.

So here are a few good tools for learning about liberty. This is not nearly an exhaustive list, but this will give your family a great start. Don’t wait for a school to teach this to your children — the Marxist public schools are actively working against these principles. Don’t wait for the perfect curriculum to lay it out neatly. It’s time to reclaim your responsibility to your kids and neighbors to teach them how to preserve their freedom.

This book goes into the covenant the Pilgrims made with God asking for His blessing and the spread of Christianity in this land, and how we can restore it!

This is one of my most highly recommended books on this list! KrisAnne Hall is a constitutional attorney, and gets you FIRED UP about the Constitution and your rights. She tells you what your duty is as a citizen of this country, and how you need to get to work.

Scholar Gary explains from both history and the Bible how a Christian should interact with their government, how to resist tyranny, and how the United States is unique in our founding values. This book is ESSENTIAL to your home library.

If you're a Christian, you need at least one Francis Schaeffer book. This one shows how we got to this terrible humanist immoral state of affairs and what a Christian's responsibility is in changing it. We are to resist tyranny as an act of love for neighbor, and be salt and light to everyone around us!

Ron Paul puts forth the cause of liberty very simply. His wisdom and consistency in the legislature through the years is like that of a modern-day founding father. He's had a huge impact on my life!

It's a small book you can carry everywhere. Have your children memorize them! Know your rights so you can protect them when people (especially government) try to infringe them. I knew our governor had no authority to tell us to "stay home" and away from church and friends, thanks to having memorized my rights! Also worthwhile: a copy of the Declaration of Independence and a printout of your state Constitution! 

Notice the Beautiful “Liberty” china in the foreground. We celebrate Independence the entire month of July and these dishes display different important moments in our nation’s history. Please cultivate this love for freedom in your home too!!!

America has been a Christian nation from the very beginning, and this little booklet tells us all about it!

"Separation of Church and State" is nowhere to be found in our founding documents! This booklet tells us how free we really are to practice our faith in EVERY part of life, including our politics!

This simple advice from founding father, Noah Webster, helps young people know their role in the family, their community, and in the nation.

We read this book as a family at breakfastime each day in 2021. These are encouraging true stories of how the Bible shaped America.

This is my favorite Bible right now. I love the version they chose. And little accounts from American history are woven throughout. These accounts help us understand how God's ways create the most peaceful and beautiful society.

We have this entire series and cannot recommend them more highly. The short fiction stories teach profound lessons about the role of government, the economy, and freedom. You'll learn right along with your kids as you read to them. Our favorites are: Leviathan Crisis, The Law, and Food Truck Fiasco

The first several Brave books are absolutely excellent. This one is my favorite. Socialism promises things for "free" but people from every socialist country tell of its horrors. Socialism encourages jealousy (not coveting is the 10th commandment!) instead of hard work and ingenuity. Meanwhile, the politicians become filthy rich and the people starve.

Lochlan, age 12, collects history books and leaves them open to interesting sections all over the house!

Mystery of History makes history INTERESTING, as it truly is! This is a great history curriculum from a Christian perspective, for any age.

We read this Christian view of US History aloud to all the kids for homeschool in 2020. It's meant for older kids, but I thought it was helpful for everyone! I want to re-read it for everyone next year.

For younger kids: this one shows a very relatable Patrick Henry, with his 17 kids who rarely wore shoes and who he preferred didn't see the inside of a schoolhouse till they were 12! He was so much more than "Give me liberty or Give me death!"

This beautifully illustrated story of the life of George Washington helps kids understand the Colonial setting, why he was so loved by those around him, and how his responsible, thoughtfulness led to his becoming a great military and government leader.

Read this to the kids every Independence Day! It explains how word spread through the colonies that the 13 colonies had won their FREEDOM! Beautiful artwork too! It ends with the Bible verse that's written on the Liberty Bell: "Proclaim liberty throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof" -- Leviticus 25:10

Patriot Academy

We hosted a Constitution class from Patriot Academy twice in 2021. This class was an answer from God — we were able to learn more about the US Constitution, while helping others to learn it too. We invited local small business owners, young parents soccer teammates, church folks, neighbors, and even a local politician.

We learned that the Constitution was written so the average farmer could understand it, so there’s simply no excuse not to know it. Law Degree NOT required.

Founding father, John Jay, first Chief Justice to the US Supreme Court said, “Every member of the state ought diligently to read and to study the constitution of his country, and teach the rising generation to be free. By knowing their rights, they will sooner perceive when they are violated, and be better prepared to defend and assert them.”

We’re nothing special. You can do this too. You buy the videos, watch them together, and discuss!

Please take the time to watch this encouraging video by Constitutional Attorney, Krisanne Hall, about how to peacefully and resolutely take back our rights and the authority that belongs to us.

Four things before I begin my surgery story:

1. If you haven’t read my implant story, start here: I was a Silent Sufferer.

2. If you have implants, GET THEM OUT. I cannot stress it enough. And DO NOT go to just any surgeon — BE SURE to remove the capsules surrounding the implant so that you can get well. Please skip down to the bottom section of this post about En Bloc and Capsulectomy Procedure.

3. If you haven’t had your implants removed yet, DO NOT try detoxing. Even hot baths and sauna are not recommended with implants in, because the heat will speed up their breakdown in your body, making you sicker.

4. The detox information I share here is not just for people healing from breast implants. Detox is for everyone living on this planet right now. We are ALL exposed to glyphosate in our food and water, toxins from plastics, PCBs in our fish, aluminum and mercury from our vaccines, metals like lead inherited from our mothers. Many of our chronic diseases are merely our toxicity manifesting! Remove the toxin load, and begin to get well!

My Explant Surgery, August 31, 2018

Knowing that my implants were the source of my illness gave me a huge dose of courage and excitement about the surgery ahead of me. I had my sister Ellie take care of my children, and they all prayed over me, before Jeff took me to the surgery center. None of the kids knew what the surgery was about — they’re a little young for the topic just yet — but they had faith that Jesus was healing my symptoms. It is SO important to go into any surgery with faith in God’s healing power that is already within you.

We were cheerful with everyone we came in contact with, even self-conscious me with no makeup. I had met with the surgeon ahead of time, and turned down the anti-nausea patch, and turned down the post surgery antibiotics. I knew I would get IV antibiotics during surgery, and I wanted to spare my gut more havoc.

Going into surgery! The first time I’ve publicly shared a no-makeup picture of me!

The surgery took two hours. They removed the impants and capsules from beneath the muscle via En Bloc, having to scrape capsule off my ribs, and cauterize areas that bled. I woke up almost immediately, didn’t vomit like I usually do after surgeries, and quickly left to recover at home.

My implants were returned to me. They did not have any visible mold, and for that I was praising God. I had breastfed four babies with these implants in, and one of my greatest fears was that I had been feeding them from breasts containing black mold. I was already suffering from immense guilt that they had been exposed to this toxicity during my pregnancies with them.

I also didn’t fill the post surgery narcotic prescription — I think it is wise to avoid addictive pain medications at all costs. Instead, I took 15 grams (A LOT) of vitamin C every day for two weeks after surgery. Vitamin C helps prevent infection and speeds healing. It also aids in detoxification from the medications used DURING surgery, and helps clear the bowels which are slowed from anesthesia. I took a daily combination of different types of Vitamin C: liposomal, sodium ascorbate, and ascorbic acid. Because of the vitamin C, I had NO bruising or swelling at all.

Other than general soreness and the incisions stinging, and being frustrated that I had to sleep on my back, I was in GREAT shape for having undergone major surgery. In my entire recovery, I took only ONE regular-strength Ibuprofen for pain. That’s it.

For five days after surgery, drains hung from the incision area, collecting liquid that had to be emptied twice a day. The liquid that gathers can cause a hematoma inside the body, or can cause a new capsule to grow around the liquid, so you’ve got to drain that stuff OUT!

It took many days for me to muster the courage to look at my actual breasts. That was hard and unsettling. I’ll just say that it takes time for them to recover, to fluff back out, for the muscles that hold them to build back up. Things look pretty bad in the beginning. Initially, there was significant numbness too, but sensation returned in a month.

Jeff took over the meals, diaper changes, laundry and most parenting duties for four days, then I was slowly back at it. Within the first two weeks, I was getting Wesley out of his bed, lifting him in his highchair. At two weeks, I became overzealous and spent an entire day cooking up the last of our garden tomato harvest, and spent the whole night vomiting. I clearly overdid it — I had forgotten how much energy healing takes from the body!

Once past the initial surgery recovery, I expected a full and complete healing. But for four weeks, I had night sweats, and the lump in my throat became bigger, a thick phlegm took hold in my throat, and my gut was a mess. I didn’t know that my body was majorly detoxing both from the anesthesia AND from 14 years of breast implant toxins.

Healing Begins

But on the fourth week… I noticed my previous symptoms begin to vanish.

1. I noticed that I was having NO headaches. Before surgery, I would get a headache every cloudy or rainy day, and then often for no rhyme or reason, and the headaches would come with nausea. Gone. (And they haven’t come back! At all.)

2. The skin on my face started looking more healthy and alive and hydrated, with rosy cheeks. Even Jeff said I looked younger!

3. My hair stopped falling out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. My eye stopped twitching!

5. When it rained, the mold in the air wasn’t bothering my lungs anymore! And my lungs stopped bothering me in general! I could breathe easily and well, just like I could when I was a teenager. (I feel like this one needs a round of applause and confetti!!!)

6. The lump in my throat vanished and the phlegm left too! This was actually one of the scariest symptoms, because it made me constantly wonder if the lump was a tumor. Praise the LORD it left.

7. When we visited the state fair and visited the animals tents, and everyone else was sneezing and coughing, my allergies were non-existent.

8. Then I noticed that the bloated belly I’d had that had been causing me daily discomfort was… gone. Random foods weren’t causing weird tummy reactions. I was relieved of the fear that food was going to kill me.

9. Before, I hadn’t even known that my being sweaty and overheated all the time had been implant related. Because when the temperatures stayed hot and muggy outside, I no longer felt like I was going to explode from heat. My body temperature now seemed like a normal person’s. An indoor temperature of 71 no longer felt stifling hot to me! AMAZING. I had felt overheated for 11 years.

10. I wasn’t feeling dizzy AT ALL anymore. I wasn’t feeling panicky anymore. My heart had stopped fluttering and skipping beats and racing. MIRACULOUS.

The human body is MORE than capable to heal itself when toxic substances are removed, and when it’s given proper nutrients. We give pharmaceuticals and the medical model far too much credit for something the body was designed to do without interference. Most of our suffering is man-made. My suffering was because of my decision to put plastic bags in my chest 14 years before, and I needed to bring my body back to its natural homeostasis.

Detox Rashes

About two months after surgery, I began getting chest and collarbone rashes coming up from the breast area, and they were unlike anything I’d had with the implants in! It was a red, bubbly rash, intensely itchy and burning, and when it would come on, my heart would race. There was no question that it was a toxic substance left behind from the implants, trying to exit my body! I never took any medications, and it would leave on its own. Twice a month (on days 8 and 21 of my cycle) it would come back. After three months of this, I asked my parents and sisters to pray for it to leave, and it did!

Along with this bizarre rash, my other post surgery new symptom was a strange smell coming from the breast area, like melted crayons. It was so strong and so odd, it was clear to me that it was remaining silicone melting out of the breast area. After four months of the smell, which was constant and requiring me to throw away my pajama shirts that had absorbed it, it finally vanished completely.

Remaining Symptoms

Some of my symptoms did not go away immediately, and some I’m still battling as I write today. Fourteen years was a long time for my body to fight the implants, and it’s taking time for my immune system to learn what it’s supposed to fight now.

And there is MAJOR buildup of infections, toxic metals, plastic chemicals, hormone disrupting chemicals, and just bodily overwhelm from this unnatural state of housing a foreign object for many years. Each organ of the body becomes clogged and sluggish, and thus many systems of the body tend to misfire.

My two remaining symptoms are: skin itching/random hives and Raynaud’s phenomenon. I can see clearly that there is more detoxing that needs to happen for me to heal. Here’s how I’ve been working to detox. Because, ya’ll, FULL healing is coming.

GAPS Diet

By far, the most important element of healing is diet. With implants, pathogens are allowed to take hold in the gut, and then the gut becomes leaky, allowing undigested food into the bloodstream and causing inflammation (symptoms of ALL kinds) throughout the body. The keys are to:

• eat foods that rebuild the gut wall

• eat foods that kill pathogens, and STARVE pathogens by not feeding them

• eat living foods with friendly living microbes to add health back to the gut

• eat nutrient dense foods, loaded with vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, polyphenols, quality natural fats, protein and vegetable carbohydrates.

To accomplish this, the GAPS diet emphasizes lots of meat broths, sauerkrauts and other living vegetable ferments, healing animal fats, coconut oil, meat on the bone, raw milk yogurts/kefir, organ meats (which are RICH in vitamins and minerals), fish, eggs, organic non-starchy vegetables, fresh herbs (potent antiviral and antifungal properties!), nuts, raw honey (a superfood!), and some fresh fruit. Everything in its whole, fresh organic form — as pure as can be.

GAPS Restricted Foods

GAPS does NOT allow foods which feed pathogens or which are difficult/slow to digest/gut damaging, like potatoes, sweet potatoes, arrowroot starch, sugar, maple syrup, grains (corn, rice, quinoa, tapioca, buckwheat, millet, wheat, barley, rye, etc), NO additives of any kind (preservatives, thickeners, synthetic vitamins, gums, emulsifiers), and only pastured organic healthy animals for meat. Nearly nothing from a box or can. The only pre-made things allowed are things like raw apple cider vinegar, coconut oil, olive oil, tomato paste, aged cheeses.

Most of us who had saline implants will be dealing with some sort of mold or fungal infections, because fungi thrive in the dark moisture of the saline implant. GAPS is very anti-fungal, because it is rich in foods which fight fungus: coconut, ACV, herbs. And it completely avoids foods which feed fungus: starches, sugar, kombucha, beer, GRAINS. Grains themselves are RICH in mycotoxins — in essence, grains are moldy.

GAPS Introduction Diet

In the beginning stage of the diet, you are allowed only broth, slow simmered meat, non-fibrous well-softened vegetables, and homemade sauerkraut/yogurt. My entire family did the intro diet for two full months, January and February 2019. (Check my instagram highlight titled GAPS INTRO). It was amazingly healing, with one child’s eczema vanishing, one child’s attitude and attentiveness improving, everyone’s sleep becoming deep and rejuvenating. It is a significant amount of work, but I highly recommend it.

After the Intro diet, I became able to eat several foods that I’d been sensitive to for several years! I started eating eggs again with no problem!! I can now eat avocado and apple and pear again without my mouth itching or tummy hurting! Do you know how cool that is?!

Overall body inflammation and gut pain goes down significantly, digestion normalizes, infections don’t stand a chance. After starting the diet in the beginning of January, no one in our entire six-person family got ANY illnesses, cold viruses, coughs, runny noses, nothing! It’s been four and a half months of VIBRANT health. Can you imagine what would happen to the pharmaceutical industry if everyone started eating this way? It would cease to exist!

Biofilms and Hidden infections

However, with an absolute PERFECT clean GAPS diet, my skin itching continued. I sensed that the infections in my body that were allowed to run house with the implants in could have formed strongholds called “biofilms” which can evade prescription antibiotics and antifungals. Infections such as Lyme and mold and viruses like Epstein Barr (or retroviruses from vaccines) can also hide and escape antibiotics, so they must be targeted from every angle.

So I’ve begun taking an herbal biofilm (and parasite) killer called Biocidin, which contains: Milk Thistle, Echinacea, Goldenseal, Shiitake, White Willow, Garlic, Grapeseed extract, Black Walnut, Beet, Fumitory, Gentian, Tea Tree oil, Galbanum oil, Lavender oil, Oregano oil.

Biocidin Drops

I take five drops three times a day with food. An hour or so after I take it, it begins killing biofilms and releasing them for removal. Then I take a binder that grabs them up so that they don’t cause unpleasant detox reactions, along with a HUGE amount of water. (I just finished my first bottle of Biocidin and am alternating monthly with Microbiome Master, below.)

I am now taking Microbiome Master three times a day with my meals. It has similar anti-fungal and anti-parasitic ingredients: garlic cloves, cinnamon, echinacea, oregon grape root, oregano leaf, pau d’arco, uva ursi, wormwood, black walnut hull, and reishi mushroom.

Microbiome Master

An hour after I take Biocidin or Microbiome Master, I will take a binder. (You don’t want to take a binder near food or supplements, because it will absorb those too!) The binder, called GI Detox contains Zeolite clay, activated charcoal, aloe vera, silica, apple pectin, humic and fulvic acids. These are great gut detoxification in and of themselves! They are effective at removing the herbicide glyphosate, which is pervasive in the US, and causing leaky gut in ALL of us.

G.I. Detox Binder

Additionally, I am taking Liposomal Glutathione each night before bed or before I go sweat in the sauna (more on that below!). Glutathione is the body’s master detoxifying enzyme, but it is low in certain people and is lowered by medications like Tylenol specifically! It helps pull metals out from bone and other hiding places, and is also a potent viral inhibitor. (As an alternative you can use NAC, which is the precursor to glutathione!)

Glutathione

I know glutathione is powerful because I started taking it just three weeks ago, and the first time I took it I woke up with the neck rash that had been gone for months! Detox reaction! The next day I woke with a headache! I have continued to take a teaspoon each night, skipping only the days I don’t sweat in the sauna.

Sweat Therapy

“Give me the power to create a fever, and I can heal any disease.” — Hippocrates

It’s imperative that the remaining toxins that have been released into the body from their hiding places MUST BE ELIMINATED through: sweat, BM, urine. So, once a day, about 3-5 times a week, I sweat in my Infrared Sauna at night, and then shower to remove toxins that have been excreted!

This is the Near-Infrared Sauna that I have from SaunaSpace. I put it in my shower, cover every surface with towels, and sweat for 30-40 minutes!

Sauna is excellent because the red light can penetrate several inches inside your body, heating internal organs where unhealthy infected cells can be targeted.

It also heats your entire body, revving up your immune system — basically a purposeful fever. And we all know that fever kills infections! And sweating has been proven to effectively remove metals and plastic chemicals like BPA from the body!

On alternating days, I do a hot Epsom salt bath, as hot as it can go, and fill the tub to my neck. You get the sweating, raised body temperature, and the extra benefit of the detoxifying magnesium in Ancient Minerals Bath Flakes.

This is the Kill-Bind-Sweat protocol, made famous by Dr. Jessica Peatross, MD, who I follow through Instagram! You kill the fungus/mold/bacteria/biofilm with herbs, you bind it with charcoal, and then you sweat it out in the sauna/bath or by exercise!

Fasting

I’m feeling amazing, except for itching skin that comes mostly around ovulation time in the month. I have found that the herbal Biocidin and microbiome master to be quite healing for my skin. My back-pocket answers that I haven’t tried yet are Fasting and hormone regulation like Ashwahganda.

With four young children at home, I find that I need to be on my game energy-wise, and can’t find the time to take off and be tired from a fast. If I can get a free three days where I have full-time help, I will attempt a water-only fast, to try to give my body a break from digesting, and allow it to throttle out remaining toxins.

Fasting has been used all over the world since the beginning of time as a body reset and detoxification, and a way to grow closer to God. I look forward to the day I can do it!

TIME

Healing isn’t always linear, and there can be forward motion, but then bumps in the road. I always welcome obvious detox reactions, because I know that SOMETHING is happening! When toxins come out from where they’ve been stored, the body will react and try to get them out! So negative symptoms can temporarily increase, like headaches, rashes, soreness, foggy thinking, digestive upsets, pain, grumpiness, dizziness. Some also call it a “healing crisis.”

Over time, we can turn off genes which were switched “on” by our toxic implants. Autoimmunity and even cancer are not things we have to accept as permanent parts of our lives. Genes are always switching on and off based on how we live — it’s called Epigenetics! We can turn off our negative symptoms! For many women, this just takes time for our bodies to recalibrate.

God is Our Healer

Someone asked me once why I put so much effort into diet and clean lifestyle if God is our healer. Why can’t I just believe God for healing and stop thinking about what I feed my body? The answer: God gave us brains for a reason! He gives us free will. I can use my brain to make wise choices in food and lifestyle that I know support health. He gave us herbs that kill pathogens, and He gave us foods which heal and rebuild the body! Alternatively, mankind distorts nature, and creates “foods” like GMO and corn syrup and food additives which definitively destroy the body over time — these do not honor God’s design.

But there IS a point at which thinking about diet and clean living is TOO MUCH, to the point of fear and obsession. Where do I draw the line? Where does personal responsibility end, and faith begin?

Right now, I feel I have maxed out my personal efforts and I’m not willing to go further. I will keep doing healthy organic whole real local natural foods and detox lifestyle. But for me, many of the overly restrictive diets (like low FODMAPS or carnivore or strict keto, or even long-term GAPS) will tip me into obsession. Diets that take over my entire thought life are a distraction from the real reason I’m here. If I were to think about food more, I would be living more to serve myself than to serve my God. I am at a point where I need the power of Jesus to restore me.

And for those of us who believe in Jesus, we do have within us the power that raised Him from the dead! We have healing power in Jesus’ name. We simply need to believe it and thank God for it. I believe that He has healed me and will continue it — will you believe with me?

“And as you go, preach, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’  Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” - Matthew 10:7-8

“By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus’ name and the faith that comes through him that has completely healed him, as you can all see.” - Acts 3:16

“Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” - John 14:12

How I’m doing emotionally

If you would believe it, as vain as I am, I haven’t cried once about the loss of my large fake breasts. Not once. I’m not even sad. I only wish I’d been spared this ordeal, that someone had stopped me from ever getting breast implants in the first place. HEALTH is priceless compared to surface “beauty.” I hope I never go into any surgery again for the rest of my life, but especially not plastic surgery.

I feel like the real breastfed-four-babies me. My body and skin show a life very fully and gloriously lived. I’ve been blessed with children and a husband who loves me. Without breast implants, I can breathe easily, give great heart-to-heart hugs, and show my children how to honor God with my body.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” - Proverbs 31: 30-31

The CRITICAL INFORMATION  about Surgery

Find a surgeon who does En Bloc or Total Capsulectomy

After my last post many people reached out to me saying that they plan to explant their implants soon! Hallelujah! There are so many women suffering from breast implant illness, many more than you would ever guess.

Before you choose a surgeon to remove your implants, make sure you find one who will take them out via the En Bloc or Total Capsulectomy procedure. This means that the entire implant and capsule tissue are removed *together* and intact, through a somewhat large (about 3”) hole beneath the breast fold. This was a bummer to me, because mine were put in through a tiny hole in my armpit, and the idea of a new huge scar was depressing.

If the implant is silicone, it may be leaking or ruptured during surgery, and the silicone can then spill into your body, and that silicone is very difficult to remove, causing longer term healing. Keeping the implant within the capsule until it’s out of the body keeps all that toxic material wrapped up. And if the implant is saline, like mine was, the fluid inside may be contaminated with mold or bacteria, and again, you don’t want a smidgen more of that released into your chest. 

The surgeon MUST remove all capsule material, or the body will continue to fight that tissue, and sometimes the capsule will migrate and start to wrap around other organs. The capsule itself usually houses many of the broken-down silicone particles from the implant shell, the many toxins released from the implants, and is often a place where infections are festering — sometimes even parasites. You want these OUT. Because my implants were placed beneath the muscle, my surgeon had to scrape them off my rib cage. If a surgeon is OK with leaving capsules inside you — run, and find yourself someone knowledgeable.

Here’s the list of surgeons that the Healing Breast Implant Illness by Nicole have recommended, and who do En Bloc procedure. 

(The surgeon I used has been removed from the list, probably because someone had a bad experience with him, but he did a great job with me. You’re welcome to message me if you’d like to have his name. The only surgeon now on the list for Virginia does gender reassignment surgeries, and I personally didn’t feel comfortable supporting his business, as talented as he may be. There is also an excellent surgeon in Baltimore, MD that I would recommend!)

Ask the surgeon for photos of the implants with capsules still on, then photos of the capsules when implant is taken out of the capsule, and then be sure you take your implants home with you. I look at mine frequently, just in awe that I ever put those inside my body.

GOD BLESS your healing journey!

Link to Post

Link to Post

Our Advent Calendar

Our family celebrates Christmastime to the max max max. But it’s not that we do more decorating than other people, or that we do it earlier in the year, or that we spend more money on gifts, or that we bake more sweet treats, or play more Christmas music, or that we run around exploding with cheesy cheer. 

Unlike the magical anticipation of a flying jiggly-bellied elf-man (which we do take part in too!) bringing every material gift you can list, the Christmas anticipation we feel is one of the GREATEST JOYS of LIFE.  This isn’t just for kids and it isn’t magic. You don’t outgrow this anticipation. 

We are waiting expectantly for our KING Jesus to return! Like the world waiting for thousands of years for their savior to be born on earth, to save us all from the darkness of hopelessness, we now prepare for Him to one day come back and bring us into eternity with Him. We will then get to celebrate Him forever, where there will be no more death, no more suffering, all our hopes fulfilled. 

Advent (which means “coming”) is that building up of excitement — consciously choosing for 25 days to think about how Great our Jesus is, and how wonderful his return will be. And consciously choosing to share the joy of His love with our family and those around us. 

Reading scriptures at Christmastime is something I always did, but the very purposeful and organized Advent celebration wasn’t something I was ever capable of. My personality is one of BIG ideas, but I have a terrible time following through on my ideas! Thankfully,  I married Jeff, the most excellent organizer, who every year plans a detailed list of December activities for our family to do in eager anticipation of our King. So this whole thing is his work, which I’m just sharing with you because it’s awesome. And if I didn’t have him, I would be looking for something just like it. 

It ALL points to Jesus

These days, Christmas seems like a big competitive marketing machine, but we really want Advent to point to our Savior and His word — through serving and loving others. I want there to be no doubt in my kids’ minds that this household puts Christ before all else. We do include some purchases in our Advent, but what party is without some special splurges? As long as it glorifies Him, we’re in.

The mood of excitement is enhanced with candles (Jesus lights the dark world!), decorations (I try to do something creative and new with my things every year!), special homemade food (see below for a gluten-free biscuits and gravy recipe), and joyful or worshipful music (click the link to see some of what is on our playlist right now).

What we do

Every day starting on December first, our kids get to:

1. Unwrap a tiny surprise from the Advent calendar

2. Read/Memorize a scripture

3. Take part in an activity: either a simple gift, serving others, or a fun tradition

Scripture

On each gift from the Advent calendar is a tag, with a Bible verse. Each day, we read the short scripture aloud. The first few days are prophetic verses predicting the birth of Jesus. Then we read a verse each day from Luke, which builds the anticipation and adds to the story of Jesus’ birth. Here’s a video of Felicity at age 5 reciting some of the scriptures from the Advent calendar that we memorized together.

Selfless Acts of Kindness | Luke 2:1-3

The kids secretly put a piece of hay into a manger every time they do something kind or say something encouraging. At the end of the day, we lay baby Jesus (a babydoll) into the very fluffy pile of hay in the manger.

Gingerbread House Making | Micah 5:2

We all make gingerbread houses with relatives or friends.

Third-World Giving | Jeremiah 23:5-6

The kids pick a gift to give children in the Third World, from Compassion International Gift Catalog, usually chickens or a goat or water treatment.

Get Christmas Tree | Isaiah 9:6-7

We go to the local Christmas Tree farm and select/cut a Christmas tree and decorate it with Christmas music and eggnog mustaches.

Christmas Train | Luke 2:1

We all dress up and take a journey on the Polar Express Train Ride or VRE Santa Train.

Gift of Prayer | Luke 2:1-2

Write names or draw pictures (or print photos) of people to pray for throughout Advent. Split them up and keep them in the kids’ rooms so they can be reminded to pray throughout the day.

Donate a Personal Gift | Luke 2:1-4

The kids pick one of their favorite toys to donate to Goodwill.

Historical Trip | Luke 2:1-5

Travel to an historical Christmas location. We typically do Colonial Williamsburg or the Candlelight Tour in Fredericksburg or George Washington’s Mount Vernon Home

Performing Arts Event | Luke 2:1-6

Go to a Performance of the Nutcracker, Chorale/Symphony, Sing-a-Long. Get dressed up and take lots of family photos to remember the beautiful occasion!

Watch Christmas Movie with Friends | Luke 2:1-7

Invite friends over to watch a Christmas movie and eat homemade popcorn!

Christmas Correspondence | Luke 2:1-8

Write a letter of encouragement and draw a picture for a distant friend or relative.

Homemade Christmas Decoration | Luke 2:1-9

The kids make Christmas decorations for their rooms: paper snowflakes, ornaments, stringed cranberry garland.

Christmas Parade | Luke 2:1-10

Attend a small town Christmas Parade. We typically do: Middleburg, Marshall or Manassass wrapped up in blankets with hot cocoa and marshmallows.

Gift of Nourishment | Luke 2:1-11

Deliver homemade food (bone broth or soup) to someone sick or lonely, or a Gift card from a local farm like Whiffletree Farm

Gift of Strengthening Marriage | Luke 2:1-12

Invite friends over so their parents can get a date night.

Gift Journey Scavenger Hunt | Isaiah 7:14

Usually, the first day of Advent begins with a scavenger hunt with clues and Christmas riddles that lead to small gifts (usually books, see suggestions below)

Gift of Hospitality | Luke 2:1-13

Provide tools (like microfiber cloths for dusting) to the kids to clean the house, and a recipe to help make food in anticipation of hosting a family for dinner or Christmas party. They then help the rest of the day!

Gift to Someone Else | Luke 2:1-14

Give each kid $10 and take them to a store. They get to pick a recipient and gift, wrap it, and deliver it.

Gift to Sick | Luke 2:1-15

Go to hospital or nursing home with gifts/food and pray with families and patients and deliver hand-written cards.

Gift of Song/Caroling | Luke 2:1-16

Give bells/tambourine and sheet music and go caroling! This is the most fun when we organize a big crowd to go together!

Christmas Cookie Delivery | Luke 2:1-17

Give a Christmas cookie cutter to make and decorate organic Christmas cookies to deliver to neighbors.

Gift of Art | Luke 2:1-18

Provide art supplies for kids to create Christmas art to give to someone they choose. New Prismacolor pencils or paint and canvas paper make for a great start.

Christmas Movie Making | Luke 2:1-19

Provide kids a camera/phone and have them make a Christmas movie and watch it at home, and post it for all to see using Adobe Premiere Rush!

Christmas Lights | Luke 2:1-20

Hop in the car with some hot chocolate and drive through neighborhood to look at Christmas lights or go to Enchanted, Festival of Lights or Garden’s Walk of Lights or Zoo Lights while listening to Christmas music.

Christ’s Birthday Party | John 3:16

Give kids a candle to put on Stuffed French Toast and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus!

Extra Ideas!

Visit Grandparents/Great Grandparents | Matthew 1:22

Give kids a map to their grandparents and dress up and travel to (great)grandparents

Live Nativity | Matthew 2:11

Perform or go to a Live Nativity.

Christmas Game | Isaiah 42:6-7

Invite friends over to play a Christmas Game (Christmas Pictionary, Memory, Charades)

Ice Skating | Luke 1:35

Go outdoor ice skating or sledding/tubing

Here are photos of some past Advent activities!

First letter of a Christmas verse anagram

One day of Advent is always a book. This pop-up book is still one of our favorites.

We gave the kids a camera and invite them to create a story to share Christmas with the world.

Young Family trip to Colonial Williamsburg at Christmastime, in 2015

Colonial Santa Claus

Muffin toppers made breakfast fun on Nutcracker Ballet day!

The girls love getting dressed up to match the characters in the ballet.

Girls’ date to the Nutcracker Ballet, in 2017.

Home Alone 2 is a favorite fun Christmastime movie to watch with friends!

This is the small town Marshall Christmas parade in 2017.

The Santa Train in Manassas! Heidi was shocked seeing Mrs. Claus.

We visited the kids’ Great Grandma M in Lynchburg, VA.

And we visited their Great Granny S in Richmond, VA.

Lochlan and Daddy got to do a boys-only skating trip. This year, the girls will be old enough to join!

All the kids love decorating their rooms for Christmas! They put their ornaments on their trees themselves.

Lochlan inherited my old tree I’ve had since I was a young teenager!

Last year’s Christmasy Kitchen!

All the kids preparing for a Christmas art project last year

And our kitchen table set for scripture reading

Felicity’s favorite day of Advent is picking a gift for a child in a third-world country.

The oldest three in 2016, writing letters to grandparents

Christmas Cookies with their Grammy, the ultimate gluten-free baker

We make homemade organic marshmallows every year to top hot cocoa!

Sample Calendar

SAMPLE CALENDAR Spreadsheet: Here

How to import calendar

Part of our Advent celebration is special foods, especially at breakfast-time when we’re opening the day’s Advent calendar, like gluten-free muffins decorated with Nutcracker Ballet Toppers, gluten free biscuits and gravy, and from-scratch organic cinnamon rolls. Here’s my recipe for biscuits and gravy!

Gluten-Free Biscuits and Chunky Sausage Gravy

For the biscuits:

2 cups Pamela’s Baking Mix

1 tsp baking powder

1 T sugar

1 stick cold organic butter

1/3 cup organic whole milk + 2-3 Tablespoons

For the gravy:

1 lb. sage-pepper-seasoned loose pastured pork sausage (we buy local from Whiffletree Farm)

1/4 cup Pamela’s Baking Mix

2 cups organic whole milk

Make the biscuits: Preheat the oven to 425. In a large glass mixing bowl, whisk together the baking mix, baking powder, and sugar. Next, drop the cold butter on top and cut it into the flour mixture using a pastry cutter. When the butter is fully cut into small crumbles, stir. Pour in 1/3 cup of milk, and stir until the mixture starts coming together. Add the 2 or 3 tablespoons more of milk just until the mixture forms a sticky mound. You don’t want it very wet! Next lay out two sheets of parchment paper. On one of the sheets, place the mound of dough. Place the other sheet on top of the dough (it prevents the dough from sticking to the rolling pin) and roll with a rolling pin until the dough is around 1/2” thick. Using a round biscuit cutter (2 3/4”), cut into circles and place on an ungreased stainless steel cookie sheet. When you’ve used all the dough, it should make about 8 biscuits. Place the cookie sheet in the preheated oven, and bake for 10-11 minutes, or until the slightest brown has appeared around the edges.

Make the gravy. In a large iron skillet, fully cook the pork sausage, making sure to crumble it as you go. Once there’s no more pink in the meat, add 1/4 cup Pamela’s and stir to coat all the meat. Slowly pour in the 2 cups milk and stir over medium heat until the gravy begins to thicken. Then turn down to low until ready to serve!

Pour the gravy over the biscuits and ENJOY

Watch my Instagram account for photos of us going through our Advent calendar this year! It’s going to be powerful.

Link to Blog Post

Oh, the drawings that have been produced in this room!

Why do we need an education, anyway? Well, it’s not to “get a good job” or “be successful,” whatever those mean. It’s not to “get smart” or “fit in,” whatever those mean. There is no “rat race.” There is no universal scale of success. Life is not a contest!

We all have unique dreams for what a happy fulfilled life will look like. Do you think the people with the most degrees are happiest? The most money saved for retirement? The most well-recognized face on a magazine? (Sounds awful dry and sad to me.)

Or is a happy life one in which you influenced others deeply? Where you sacrificed something huge for the benefit of someone else? Where you came up with a new invention that improved people’s lives? Came up with a way to change a pattern of poverty? Took something ugly and made it beautiful? Used God’s gifts in you to love someone nobody else would love?

All children are PERSONS with unique purposes in life, that there’s no way I can plan for them what they need to know.  My children’s minds are not an empty page on which I’m supposed to write — they get to decide what to pursue! The only education is SELF education. Which is why as a home educator, my role is to give them access to great ideas — wonderful literature, history, theology, philosophy, art…! I’m not trying to prepare them for a job, I’m preparing them for a LIFE.

I don’t want this to be “School” at home! I don’t want desks and bells and subjects and lists and isolated “science" projects and memorizing all the things everyone else has to memorize. My kids aren’t computers, and they don’t need lots of little disconnected fragments of information! I want their education to be learning through living! It’s a BIG difference! I don’t want my kids to compartmentalize math as separate from history as separate from food as separate from interior design! They are all inter-woven together in a LIFE. Dry bones “curriculum” and textbooks removes them from the real world. They deaden the inherent CURIOSITY of kids!

I don’t want to create winners on the show Jeopardy or fantastic test-takers or people set to play Trivial Pursuit the rest of their lives. But growing up in school (AND in university), I felt like I wasn’t being trained in reality— I was being trained in trivia. Dates and names and events were memorized instead of learning to question WHY these things occurred, whether these things were right or wrong, how we could prevent them from repeating, and whether they added meaning to our own lives!

Instead of urging my kids to memorize trivia, my job as a home educator is to:

1. Encourage and train my children in Writing, Argumentation, and Public Speaking. If you cannot clearly communicate a point through words, your life on earth will be a difficult one. You must be able to share your ideas with others for your life to have meaning!
2. Teach them to be Deeply Analytical. School teaches you to memorize the dots, but not how to connect them! I want my children to question everything, think independently about the deep questions of life, never to just accept things as they are. A creative mind is always looking for a new way to see things, a more effective way of doing things! This is how we leave a legacy on earth — not by doing things the way they've always been done! 
3. And they need to be Knowledgeable. By giving my children exposure to broad ideas, and freedom to dig in, they begin to become deeply knowledgeable about the things that interest them! 

So, how do we accomplish that? 

Though I’m a free-thinker, it’s still a little scary not having a pre-planned curriculum or check-list!

My children are all young — ages 1, 4, 6, and 8 — so much of our time focuses on and prioritizes freedom to play and create. I see so much communication, story-telling, and imagination being developed in those hours upon hours of uninterrupted pretend-play every day! This time is invaluable to their mental and spiritual development, and their ability to interact with the world in creative new ways! They invent movies they act out together, they make costumes/props/puppets, pretend starting a business and selling things, they imagine new symbols and words, they have a whole separate world from that of adults where they can try out so many different roles.

Our second priority is Reading Aloud. 

Every night year-round, either me or Jeff reads from a book to the entire family. This is how they become introduced to great literature, profound ideas, history, and excellence in communication. I read almost obsessively my entire childhood through all of the classics and more, and I believe that gave me a firm footing in vocabulary and writing! We are currently reading the original Heidi by Johanna Spyri. 

Previous whole-family read-alouds were: 

• Little House in the Big Woods
• Farmer Boy
• Peter Pan (the original, which challenged even me!)
• The Green Ember
• The Penderwicks 

Next, we plan to read: 

• Johnny Tremaine
• Oliver Twist
• Little House on the Prairie
• A Christmas Carol

We also read straight from the Bible aloud in the morning at breakfast-time, and I plan to add afternoon reading of poetry (Robert Frost and others).

Priority Three: Individual Grammar & Math Time

Each child will do individual reading aloud to me each day, they'll read a different book alone, and they'll spend 20 minutes a day practicing writing selected words from the books they read, in print and cursive.

After reading alone, they will tell back to me the story/chapter in their own words — practicing narration.

Lochlan, age eight, is reading these: The Mouse and the Motorcycle, The Boxcar Children, Who Was Dr. Seuss, Who Was Walt Disney, Who Is Stan Lee, and The Tuttle Twins and the Miraculous Pencil.

Felicity, age six, is reading these: Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, Charlotte’s Web, Who Was Thomas Edison, Who Was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Who Was Leonardo Davinci, and The Tuttle Twins Learn About The Law.

Heidi, age four, is learning to read with me, using the book that I used (with great success!) with her older siblings. Instead of memorizing word lists, this book teaches reading phonetically:  How to Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons.

I also prioritize basic arithmetic in a somewhat systematic way, using the Horizons math books, which I love because they make math FUN. Felicity plows through these books like they're more entertaining than a video game! Most importantly with math, I want my kids to see its usefulness in solving problems in real life, and not see it as a way to be "rated." I want them to feel the thrill of solving the puzzle, not the let-down of not solving the problem the way the teacher wanted them to!

Priority four: Nature walks, and outings

Once a week on a beautiful day, me and the four kids will go outside to a meadow, stream, farm, hill, woods, lake, or mountain, and enjoy God's creation. This gives them time to encounter the wonder of the world, and allows them to follow their curiosity. They bring nature notebooks and bring back specimens to inspect and draw when they get home!

We've got lots of additional outings planned, including trips to the Gari Melchers historic home and Art Studio, the State Fair, the Bible Museum, and get-togethers with our local Wild & Free homeschool group!

Priority five: Arts and Foreign Languages

Art is a way of life, and we never really stop creating here! I give my children access to fine art supplies like professional Prismacolor pencils, real canvases and high-end paper for paintings — avoiding coloring books and "twaddle" that's designed for kids. They choose to spend most of their free time doing art, Lochlan especially. He is constantly writing books and illustrating them, never needing any prodding to finish the projects that he passionately completes on his own!

I'm also introducing each child to several famous paintings from great artists of the past, allowing them to draw their own impressions that they got from each one.

Felicity has chosen also to learn French, and is voraciously devouring lessons from Rosetta Stone. She not only does the lessons but decided on her own to make a notebook of everything she learns. She also wants to take singing lessons and sewing lessons, so we're following her lead!

Beyond this, our home education is so open-ended! Much of our time is spent talking about friends, God, nutrition, health, church, businesses we'd like to start, stories we're writing, things we think are beautiful... Sharing life together.

For more reading on the topic of homeschooling, two great books that closely reflect my own views are:

For the Children's Sake

and

Dumbing Us Down

Here are some of my best gluten-free, nutrient-dense Pumpkin recipes for your family!

Gluten-Free Pumpkin Pancakes

• 2 cups Pamela's Pancake & Baking Mix
• 3 T brown sugar
• 2 organic pastured eggs
• 2/3 cup pumpkin (canned or home roasted and pureed)
• 1 1/8 cups raw whole milk
• 2 T melted unsalted butter
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1/8 tsp nutmeg
• 1/8 tsp ground ginger
• pinch of ground cloves
• 1/4 tsp vanilla extract

Heat a griddle on the stove-top to medium. Meanwhile, whisk together the spices and Pamela's, and then add the rest of the ingredients, whisking well. Add milk as needed for desired consistency. Pour batter on griddle, making 3.5" circles. Flip when little bubbles start popping up. Makes about 20 pancakes. Serve alongside warmed organic maple syrup, sausage, scrambled eggs, and fried apples for a perfect fall breakfast!

Pumpkin Chicken Rice Soup

• 1 medium sweet onion, finely diced
• 2 medium carrots, peeled and diced
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 T butter
• 4.5 cups homemade unsalted chicken broth
• 1 T himalayan pink salt
• sprinkle of pepper
• 1/8 tsp ground nutmeg
• 1 large sweet apple, like braeburn/fiji/gala, peeled and chopped in 1/2” chunks
• 1 can pumpkin, or 1 3/4 cups roasted mashed pie pumpkin
• 2 T organic maple syrup
• 1/2 cup raw cream
• 4 cups cooked shredded chicken
• 2.5 cups cooked (in broth) wild rice blend

Cook rice according to package instructions, using broth as your liquid. Melt butter and add onions and carrots, and cook over med-high for 5 mins. Add garlic and stir for 30 seconds. Add broth, pumpkin, apples, salt, pepper, nutmeg, and bring to boil over high heat. Turn to low, and cook for 30 mins. Stir in chicken, cream, maple, and rice, until all are well-warmed. Serve alongside grain-free bread.

Grain-Free Pumpkin Muffins

• 1/2 cup melted butter
• 6 local, GMO-free, pastured eggs
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup honey or maple syrup
• 1/2 cup  pumpkin (canned or home-roasted and pureed)
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1/8 tsp nutmeg
• 1/8 tsp allspice
• 1/8 tsp ginger
• 1/8 tsp cloves
• 1/4 tsp Himalayan pink salt
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 cup organic coconut flour

Preheat oven to 400. Fill muffin tin with 12 unbleached liners. Melt butter. In a big glass mixing bowl, whisk together all dry ingredients (spices, salt, soda, flour). In another bowl, whisk together eggs, vanilla, honey, pumpkin, and finally butter. Pour wet into dry ingredients, and whisk well. Pour batter evenly into muffin liners, and put into oven for about 17 minutes. If they look wet, you can cook longer, up to 19 mins. Great when cooled to room temperature, alongside scrambled eggs and bacon!

Link to Blog Post:

I’ve had a long love affair with beauty products, and it hasn’t always been a healthy one. At age 11, I was frustrated with my face full of freckles and translucent skin that showed my purpley veins underneath, so I snuck some stark-white clown face-paint from our family’s Halloween supplies bin and rubbed it all over my face, then went to church hoping nobody would notice. By 12, my mom was buying me powder from Maybelline, so I didn’t keep making myself look totally ridiculous— literally, like a clown. I was going to use makeup, no matter what, even if it came to that.

I’ve always been a makeup minimalist, though, so I would try out the available affordable options, find the best colors for my skin tone and the best-working stuff, and then use the same brands for years and years and years. Once I find something that works and looks great, I’m not going to fall prey to all the makeup sales pitches, of which there are MANY. (Goodness gracious, the multi-level-marketing schemes. I hide from any “party” that’s really not one.)

But imagine my despair when I realized that ALL of the products I’d been using for all those years were full of crap, industrial chemicals and even straight toxic metals, many of which are known to cause...

cancer

and strongly linked to

infertility.

Your skin is your largest organ, and most ingredients you put on it don't just stay on its surface. They are designed to penetrate, and they wreak havoc once they do.

In 2007, when I was trying to get pregnant for the first time, I read a book called the Complete Organic Pregnancy, which went into how bad most cosmetics were, and even recommended not using nail polish at all. Back then, there weren’t many good natural alternatives, so I tried what was out there, and only found Burt’s Bees facial cleansers (a win!), rock crystal deodorant (which I didn’t know then actually still contained toxic Aluminum!), and BareMinerals makeup (the foundation I actually ended up returning when the powder ran off my face when I cried after my first miscarriage). 

It took a mysterious full-body itchy rash that lasted a FULL month, with a completely elusive cause, for me to open my eyes to the true toxicity hidden within my beauty products. In my search for the cause of this rash, I wondered if it was cancer. I thought perhaps my liver was failing. I was a mess.

So I got brave, and looked at my eye shadow — it contained aluminum. My foundation — parabens and phthalates. My shampoo — “fragrance.” My blush— formaldehyde. My MAC lipstick — just about every artificial coloring like Red 40 and Yellow 5, artificial vanillin flavor, polyethylene — a plastic microbead, an estrogenic sunscreen chemical, and aluminum. Whew. So began my full-scale purge.

After a boatload of money blown on trying random organic products, many many of them failing me miserably, I arrived at the products that I’m sharing below, that I can happily say are SAFE and they WORK.

Our Toxic World

When I think about how sick our generation is, I get hopping mad. I seriously cannot handle the idea of people — especially kids — suffering needlessly. Almost everyone I know has someone in their family dealing with the health effects of our toxic environment: the brain fog, the chronic fatigue, the cancers, the ADHD, the migraines, the asthma, the autoimmune disorders, the birth defects, the infertility. These things were NOT commonplace 100 years ago. But now, there are more than 120 million industrial chemicals registered, and many of them are turning on genes that would not have bothered us before the chemicals existed.

Many of the chemicals are KNOWN to cause or contribute to cancer, and many are KNOWN to be toxic to the endocrine (hormones) system leading to infertility and defects. So this isn’t some hippie crazy talk. And most of these chemicals overwhelm your body’s detoxification burden. So maybe you could handle the pesticides on your vegetables, and the chlorine in your water, but the cosmetics may just put your body over the edge into inflammation or autoimmune disease.

When your body is carrying around too many toxins, your genes don’t work properly, and in many cases, your body begins holding onto excess fat as a place to store the toxins and prevent them from damaging your heart or brain. I’m convinced this is why so many Americans are obese — it’s their body's protective mechanism!

And if you are thinking of becoming pregnant soon, it is absolutely critical that you get toxic chemicals out of your life before they are passed on to the baby at conception, through the placenta, and later, in the breast-milk.

Before I share my line-up of my favorite Natural products, here are the biggest red-flag ingredients for me. Believe me, there are literally thousands of other toxins added to cosmetics/body products, but these I see most frequently in things that I would buy if I didn’t know better.

Getting these off the skin and out of the body could prevent a breast tumor...or prevent a birth defect...It's serious stuff.

Stay Away from These Ingredients

1. Phthalates

• My number one worst offender! In a study by EWG, it was found in 2/3 of all personal care products they tested! It’s a “plasticizer” making things stretchy or dissolving other ingredients. Phthalates also happen to be POTENT endocrine disruptors — and have been strongly linked to birth defects in the male reproductive system. Specifically, they make males more female. They're gender benders.

2. Fragrance (or “parfum”)/Artificial Colors

• Can cause allergy and chemical sensitivity. The artificial colors (like Red40 or Yellow5) are often in lipsticks that you end up eating — yikes. One artificial fragrance can contain hundreds – even thousands – of potentially toxic chemicals. “Fragrance” also often contains phthalates (see above!).

3. Aluminum/Alum

• Known neurotoxin (affecting brain and nervous system!). Endocrine disruptor (hormones! infertility!). In most antiperspirants and in many eyeshadows, including one I used for 10 years. Has been suspected to be increasing breast cancer rates, as it has an easy route to upper quadrant of breast tissue when it travels through shaved/nicked skin when antiperspirant is applied near that area.

4. PEG

• These compounds cause many allergic reactions and are strongly linked to cancer and toxicity. Many of them also release dioxane, a known carcinogen.

5. Formaldehyde, or any Formaldehyde-releaser like Bronopol, Quaternium-15, or Diazolidinyl Urea

• Formaldehyde is a known human carcinogen (causes cancer) and skin allergy. RUN from these products.

6. Parabens

• A synthetic preservative that mimics estrogen in the body. Again, found in nearly all Americans’ bodies. Can cause reproductive and developmental disorders!

7. Retinal Palmitate or Retinol

• Often in skin products to be anti-aging. But when it is exposed to sun when on your skin, it can break down into free radicals which damage DNA and speed up tumor formation.

8. Fluoride

• You don’t want this toxin in your water (buy a Berkey!) OR toothpaste. There are significant health risks from chronic exposure, especially damage to brain, bones, and thyroid. Avoid!

9. Oxybenzone

• Sunscreen agent and ultraviolet light-absorber, found in the bodies of nearly all Americans! Another endocrine disruptor, acting like estrogen in the body. Linked with negative outcomes in birth weights, alters sperm production, associated with endometriosis, easily penetrates the skin, and has high rates of skin allergy. Banned in Hawaii just this month!

But here’s the GOOD NEWS.

Though the government doesn’t really regulate the cosmetics/body products industry, allowing almost any chemical in your lipstick, many companies are way ahead of the game, bringing us healing, truly skin-nourishing products. Honestly, we don’t want the government involved anyway, since their regulations make it SO HARD (so expensive) for small companies to join the market.

And then there are the great third-party verifiers like Think Dirty and EWG already checking to make sure the natural companies are what they say they are! There's definitely a tendency for companies to "greenwash" their products, making you believe they're natural, when really they're anything but!

I use two great Apps to see how toxic or clean my products are:

Think Dirty and EWG Healthy Living.

I scan the barcode with my phone and the apps will tell me what's in the product and give it a rating, "0" being cleanest. I usually will run a new product through both of them and look at the detailed ingredient list. All the products I have listed are rated "3" and below, except for one "4".

These apps won't tell you how well a product works, though. You could buy all "0" rated things, but the eye-shadow may crumble down all over your face, the moisturizer could be greasy, and the cleanser may make you look like you've got scales instead of skin. Hence my recommendations. The following products all work well!

I'm in the cool position where I am not owned by these companies, nor did they contact me to market their stuff. I actually sought out these products and USE them on a daily basis.

So here we go! 

My Favorite Natural Beauty and Body Products Line-up

*I recommend trying only one new product at a time, so you know if you have a negative reaction.*

All of the photos are links, and at the end of each description, I included the Think Dirty rating.

100% Pure Burdock Shampoo: I've tried about 50 different natural shampoo formulations, and it's so frustrating trying to find one that works with my extremely thick dry hair. This shampoo is pure, smells invigorating, helps with winter dryness, and cleans well. The honey-coconut one is excellent as well. I actually also use this as my shaving cream! (1)

Innersense Organic Hydrating Cream Conditioner: Perfectly moisturizing for my very dry, thick hair. I don't love the smell (patchouli) or the price, considering how little comes in the bottle. But the purity is worth it. The company that makes it thinks of every possible combination of ingredients to create the MOST pure product possible, where it's actually nourishing to your scalp! (The company's story: After the wife's many years of toxic exposures behind the chair in a salon, her daughter was born with a rare genetic disorder, and this propelled them into cleaning up their lives and products.) (0)

Giovanni Hair Spritz: Hairspray was one of my last hold-outs with natural beauty care. I was still using some TOXIC aerosol fragranced stuff until 2.5 years ago. Then I went on a natural haircare mission, and started with one hairspray that was just water, sugar, and essential oils. Didn't work AT ALL. My curls instantly fell. I tried many others, and the curls still fell in the Virginia heavy humidity. This Giovanni has been the only "natural-ish" product that actually works holding my thick hair style in summer.(4)

Little Twig Shampoo: Very mild formulation for babies and kids! Organic, pure ingredients. Love this stuff. (2)

Natural Conditioning Detangler: This contains organic oils for scent and is great for sensitive kid skin, and does an excellent job conditioning my girls' super tangly hair. I use it as their conditioner, so I sometimes rinse it out, sometimes leave it in. (2)

Aubrey Organics Men's Stock Shampoo: This is Jeff's shampoo. It's mild smelling and super pure. (0)

100% Pure Organic Argan Oil Creamy Cleanser: This is a newer one for me, but I like it so far. It's not skin-stripping, but I wouldn't call it moisturizing either. More of a summer facial cleanser, and then I'll use just jojoba oil as my cleanser in the winter. (1)

Organic Jojoba Oil: I use this for everything! It's my facial moisturizer, my body lotion, and I use it on the kids, or to dilute essential oils. It's very neutral smelling, and doesn't feel greasy like coconut oil. (0)

Burt's Bees Sensitive Daily Moisturizer: I alternate using this and jojoba oil as my facial moisturizer, depending on how hot/humid it is outside. No shininess! My skin is VERY sensitive and this doesn't bother it in the slightest. (2)

Badger Kids Sunscreen SPF 30: Most conventional sunbock products are TOXIC and likely CAUSING skin cancer. We've used natural Badger since before kids in 2007! It is the old fashioned white zinc-oxide formula that lays on heavy and doesn't rub in. (If a sunscreen rubs in, it's penetrating your skin, causing toxicity!) We look like we're wearing a physical layer of sun protection. On the plus side, it works, and it smells like an orange creamsicle! (2)

Even better than sunscreen, though, is just covering up when you're going to be outside for a long time. My girls have this adorable rash-guard swimsuit which is SPF50, along with several others, which they wear with hats to protect their faces when we're at the beach.

Plant Therapy Lavender Essential Oil: I'm not a huge essential oil person, as again, I'm very sensitive to potent chemicals — even completely natural ones. But lavender in very tiny diluted doses works for our family. I'll occasionally add a drop to the kids' bath for soothing their skin, and I'll put it on itchy bug bites, and as a natural alternative for ringworm medication. And I really only stick with Plant Therapy because it's organic.

For detoxification through the skin, and for optimal magnesium absorption, I give the kids (and myself) Epsom salt baths at least once a week. I consider this an important part of our life, and tend to buy this every time I go to Target or Wegmans.

Schmidt's Lavender-Sage Deodorant: Most antiperspirants contain aluminum, so I've been using deodorant-only for many years. This one is a very simple combination of natural ingredients — only the Vitamin E is synthetic. Works well and smells refreshing, but not too strong.

Primal Pit Paste: This is all organic, the purest deodorant on the market--you could eat it. I like to rotate my deodorant brands, so this is always in the rotation. I get the unscented paste version that you have to rub in with your fingers, which I think is useful to get to know if any of your lymph nodes are swollen in your armpits. (0)

Dr.Bronner's Citrus-Hemp Soap: For whole-body cleaning. It's as pure as can be. (0)

Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Toothpaste: I've tried almost every natural toothpaste, including mineral tooth powders, but this one is a mainstay in our cabinet. (2)

Uncle Harry's Toothpaste: This is made from clay and potent essential oils, leaving your mouth feeling exceptionally clean and your teeth remineralized. Where has this been all my life?!

Bamboo Toothbrushes: I'm a fan of less plastic touching my kids' mouths, so though the bristles on these are nylon, the handle is fully bamboo. Much better for health, and better for our environment too (less plastics being created at all, or being sent to landfills).

Primal Life Dirty Mouth -- Sweet Bubblegum Tooth Powder: I had one child with cavities that developed due to eating too many grains (especially oats -- watch the oatmeal and things made with oat flour like Cheerios!) and between cutting back on grains and sweets, adding in more vitamin A foods, and using this tooth powder, this child's teeth are improving!

Jack N' Jill Natural Toothpaste Organic Strawberry: Kids do a pretty terrible job of spitting, so you want this stuff to be straight edible. We never use fluoride (there is a wealth of information showing its incredible toxicity), and this product is nearly all organic and pure. The tube is super small, so the two-pack is useful. It's a clear gel, so no foam or residue. (2)

100% Pure 2nd Skin Foundation: Hallelujah, praise the Lord, this exists! Foundation is THE number one hardest thing to find that is NATURAL and that WORKS. This is a sheer, slightly oily-dewy finish foundation, that feels really interesting to put on. But I've been getting lots of compliments with it, as this color (I'm using shade 4 right now) adds life to my face and the texture adds youth to my dry skin. You can buy a sample of 5 colors straight from the 100% Pure website — I did! (0)

AnnMarie Gianni Mineral Foundation: I like the look of this on my skin, but I don't love the price! I use the Honey color when I have a spring/summer tan, and the Sand color in winter. I put a few drops of oil in my hand and drop some of the powder in, and mix them together for a liquid makeup. Very simple and pure ingredients. Get the sample set on www.annmariegianni.com to pick your perfect color.

BareMinerals "Warmth" Bronzer: I've used this product to add warmth to my skin, since the beginning of my organic health journey in 2007. A little of this bronzer goes a long way to make this pale skin look a little more alive! *Note, as of October 2018, I am currently searching for a replacement for this product, as I got a hair metals test done and came up high in BISMUTH, a metal found in this product! (3)

100% Pure Blush in "Peppermint": I started using this in October 2018, as my previous blush from Bare Minerals contained the metal Bismuth and I'm avoiding metals! This 100% Pure blush is REALLY pure. Nearly all the ingredients are organic, and the pigments are from organic fruits! It's legit.

Burt's Bees Tinted Lip Balm, Pink Blossom color: With how toxic most lipstick is (even the so called "natural" versions like BeautyCounter often contain Red40 and other synthetic colorants), I have almost completely given it up. Burt's Bees has some great options. For daily wear, this tinted balm is what I reach for year-round. (3)

Mineral Fusion Lipstick in Charming: Creamy and vibrant. This is one of EWG's top picks for clean lipstick! I don't wear lipstick often, except on occasions like church or date night! Lipstick is generally one of the the most toxic products, with hidden metals like lead. So I am extremely careful, using only well-made products like this one. (1)

Bareminerals Waterproof Mascara: I require waterproof because of all the steamy cooking I do! It stays on and doesn't get too clumpy or smeary for a natural mascara. (2)

100% Pure Creamy Eyeliner in Blackest: This is from the same company that makes my shampoo and foundation. Pure ingredients, doesn't irritate my very sensitive eyes. The "Blackest" color, which I buy, is made of very natural ingredients, but the silver color contains parabens! (3)

BaeBlu Eyeliner in Black: This eyeliner is also in my rotation, just as pure ingredients as the 100% Pure brand! It's able to draw a sharper line if you want to make a winged effect.

Lauren Brooke Cosmetique Eye Shadow in Smokey Plum/Sweet Pea: The eye shadow I loved for 20+ years before switching contained aluminum (!) to give it shimmer, and it was hard giving that beautiful grey-mauve color up! Most natural versions stick to the crease or fall under your eyes creating racoon effect. This one is really pretty. I combine it with a Mineral Fusion shadow, below.

Mineral Fusion Eye Shadow in Density: This has the best texture, very velvety and stays on better than most other natural eye-shadows. It *does* contain retinol, but I'm OK with it since it's only on an area that doesn't see much sun. I use the dark purple color most, for eye contouring, especially in fall/winter.(3)

Burt's Bees Eyebrow Pencil in Blonde: Ah, I really like this one. The color is a perfect match for my eyebrow hair, and I like the little brush that comes on the end. This is new and hasn't been evaluated by Think Dirty or EWG, but is 100% natural, and the only questionable ingredients are hydrogenated oils.

And equally important, if not even more, is using organic "feminine" hygiene products (I use Natracare) and, um, family planning products (we use Sustain).

Organic Clothing

Clothing we spend the most time wearing needs to be as pure as possible too, especially pajamas and undergarments. Since our children were born, they've all had organic sleepwear, mostly from Hanna Andersson, Burt's Bees, and L'oved Baby. We are extremely careful to avoid pajamas that are made of synthetic fibers (like polyester — a plastic) or are treated with flame-retardant chemicals.

Hanna Andersson Organic Cotton PJs: We have these for our entire family, me and Jeff included, and our kids have many prints and patterns from this brand. They're extremely durable organic cotton, and can be returned at any point if the fabric wears out in the knees or the zipper breaks! Be careful, though, as they do carry some synthetic fabrics in the nightgowns for girls!

Burt's Bees Organic Baby/Kids Pajamas: Straight organic goodness. They tend to be thinner and stretch-out a bit more than Hanna Anderssons, but they come in more creative details.

L'oved Baby Organic Cotton Pajamas: Wesley wore this brand almost exclusively for his first six months! Soft, cozy, and withstands lots of washings.

These are all my tried and true organic cotton pjs/essentials: for women's underwear I have iKotton and PACT, and InTouch for organic leggings, Fair Indigo for sleep shirts, and I have and love this PACT organic wrap dress.

Beyond this, it's important to think about sheets, towels, and home-cleaning products, but that's a post for another day!