Bullying works! I finally made the guys watch a David Lynch Film!

Synopsis

Fire Walk With Me serves as a prequel to the hit 90s tv show Twin Peaks, following the seemingly inexplicable murder of a high school girl named Teresa Banks, investigated by FBI Agent Chet Desmond (Chris Isaak) and Agent Sam Stanley (Kiefer Sutherland). Flash forward to a year later and we get to go back to Twin Peaks to see the last few days of the tragic Laura Palmer’s (Sheryl Lee) life, and the events that led to her untimely demise.

Review

I originally watched Twin Peaks in high school due to seeing so much about it on Tumblr and it ended up being my intro to Lynch’s work. I love the show so I checked out the movie afterwards and it blew my mind. This is either the third or fourth time I’ve seen it, and it’s just as effective as the first. It’s eccentric and unsettling enough to keep you on your toes as you watch, but it also keeps so many secrets to the truth about Twin Peaks, about Bob, about Laura that it leaves you wanting more (and then you can watch The Return to satisfy that itch). It’s an incredibly dreadful movie, starting with the jarring beginning played like a buddy cop movie, with a dead girl who isn’t Laura, within a town not as welcoming and heartwarming as Twin Peaks is. Cut to Laura’s final days, and as a fan you are excited to feel some sense of stability, of normalcy, but that is all soon ripped away from you as you experience the horrors alongside Laura. It’s a harrowing film, a divisive film, a horrifying and dreadful viewing experience with little catharsis but a whole lot of secrets that without watching it you would feel lie you missed out on something special. This is truly one of my favorite films of all time, and definitely my favorite David Lynch movie. It is such a special thing to peer into Laura’s world, albeit very stressful and depressing.

Score

10/10

Synopsis

Heart Eyes is about Ally, a boss girl who isn’t interested in romance. When she meets a new boy at the coffee shop that could be the one, disaster strikes as a masked killer comes to her town with the goal of brutally murdering couples on Valentine’s Day. Will Ally find love? Will she finally let her guard down enough to let someone into her life? Will she clean her disgusting apartment? I have no idea. 

Review of Heart Eyes

 Look, I’m not so prideful that I can’t admit when I am wrong. I said very openly that this movie was going to suck, but honestly, it didn’t. It’s surprisingly self-aware in its dialogue and genuinely pretty funny throughout the film. The opening scene starts the movie off so strong and I was already having fun 5 minutes into the movie. However, this movie suffers from the same problems all slasher movies do, it’s a slasher movie and slashers are dumb. The reveal at the end feels lazy and copy paste. It’s a blatant rip-off of another slasher movie, but I won’t spoil it here, so just trust me when I say that it’s not very original. I had fun watching this movie, but it wasn’t anything to rush to the theater to see. 

Score 6/10

If you could rent the perfect girlfriend, would you…?

Synopsis

Iris is the perfect girlfriend for Josh. She dotes on him, is nice to his friends, is honest, doesn’t argue, and has sex whenever he wants. It’s like she was made for him. When Josh and his Iris are visiting his friends in a remote lakeside getaway owned by a Russian billionaire, a sudden death throws the weekend into chaos. Iris finds out that not everything is as it seems in her and Josh’s relationship, and has to fight for her life to get away.

Review of Companion

I wish the second trailers didn’t spoil the premise of the movie, because I think the film would be even more impactful if you don’t know one of the main plot points. I thought the first trailer with the candle under her arm and the arm burning was enough to entice me to the theater.

Companion isn’t entirely unique, there are other movies and recent HBO series that deal with similar concepts. The difference in Companion is the tone and perspective of the film. It’s told from Iris’s perspective, and as the revelations are made it adds layers of complexity for the other characters. The tone is fun, but not campy. It strikes a nice balance that definitely explores some of the darker implications and aspects of the plot without getting weighed down. 

The writer/director Drew Hancock comes from mostly TV sitcoms which explains the light and breezy dialogue. I really liked the production design and music choices. They really hearken back to 50s americana.

Sophie Thatcher and Jack Quaid are both great in this. Sophie brings an innocence and earnestness to her character that is believable and not over the top. Jack Quaid’s character has the most interesting arc from loving boyfriend to mega creep incel which is fun to watch and discover through Iris’s eyes.

There’s not many laugh out loud moments, but there are a lot of subtle moments that got me chuckling.

My only real complaint is that it was relatively predictable, but it had enough going on to maintain my interest.

I liked it, but overall I think it’s only above average.

Score

7/10

Synopsis

When a family of four moves into a new house, the teenage daughter Chloe (played by Callina Liang) suspects they are not alone, and with the recent passing of her best friend looming in her mind, she thinks the presence in the house is the ghost of her late friend. Her mother, Rebecca (played by Lucy Liu) and brother, Tyler (played by Eddy Maday) choose to not believe Chloe because of her state of grief, while her dad, Chris (played by Chris Sullivan) tries to help his daughter. When the whole family witnesses Tyler’s bedroom become destroyed with no logical explanation, they all start to believe Chloe’s grief filled fantasies might have more basis in fact than fiction.

Review

I had not heard one single thing about this film, I hadn’t even seen a trailer for it, but when Bryce said, “we gotta review the new Soderbergh horror movie that comes out this week,” I was very intrigued, and I was not disappointed. This movie hit home for me in ways that I did not expect, and I usually don’t get too emotional over horror since we watch at least one horror movie a week, but this one hit hard for many different personal reasons. The way that it is shot is very inventive, I’ve seen it done before in passing parts of films but never the whole runtime, and I really enjoyed it. I think it would be great to go into this movie blind like I did, that’s how the viewer will probably get the most out of it. The twists were unexpected, I never guessed what would happen next the whole way through, and the few red herrings worked themselves expertly into the plot. This is more of a psychological thriller/family drama than pure horror, and I really liked it. Not very scary on the surface, but emotionally it is raw, and sad, and horrifying.

Score

8/10

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Synopsis

Wolf Man is a movie about Blake, a family man struggling to make his marriage work and to be a better man than his father was. When Blake gets a letter in the mail informing him that his father who went missing years earlier has finally been officially declared dead by the state, he and his family leave their busy city life to pack up his father’s old farmhouse and spend some time in the mountains. The wooded area surrounding the house is ominous and filled with local legends of men with the face of the wolf, but surely it’s a good idea to bring your wife and young daughter to live there for a summer. If I were to spend anymore time talking about the synopsis of this movie I would end up giving everything away as there isn’t much more to this film.

Review of Wolf Man (2025)

 When I saw the trailer for Wolfman I was disappointed. Except for An American Werewolf in London, I’ve never seen a werewolf movie that wasn’t extremely middle of the road, and from the marketing, this movie looked to be no different. But I was wrong. It was actually somehow a little worse than middle of the road. I was excited to see Julia Garner cast as the female lead because I’ve really enjoyed her performances in other things such as Ozark, Inventing Anna, and The Assistant. But I was surprised to find that her character was bland and uninteresting. At first, I figured she kind of butchered the role, but it soon became apparent that the real problem was the writing. The dialog felt cold and emotionless. Even during scenes that were supposed to be touching, suspenseful, or exciting, all of the characters seemed to deliver the most boring inhuman lines. The worst case of this was the daughter played by Matilda Firth. It was as if the writers had never met a child in real life and were just guessing at what a child might speak like. The result is a family that I couldn’t care less about. The reveal towards the end of the movie is very easy to see coming and I was able to call it about 10 minutes into the movie. The monster design is uninteresting, the movie drags on, and it gives no meaningful contribution to the werewolf subgenre.

Score 4/10

Synopsis

In this spooky tale, two love birds living in a large yet ugly home head into town to pick up some supplies for their miniature models like glue and paint and whatever you nerds use to make little models, and in a shocking turn of events drive their car off a bridge and into a river. After making their way home they start to notice something disturbing. They died. Yet their love knows no bounds, so they start this new chapter of their undead lives with optimism. However, the underworld seems to be some sort of eternal DMV which kind of puts a damper on their staycation. How could things get any worse?! Uh oh! A new family moves into their home and they are really annoying. Hookwinks ensue, and disaster strikes upon meeting a ghoulish fellow named Beetlejuice. Will they survive this nightmare? No! Cause they are already dead.

Review of Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice is a fantastic movie. And Michael Keaton who plays Beetlejuice is the best part. He’s funny and inappropriate and pretty much exactly what you would expect some asshole to become if he had a few hundred years to stew in his undead filth. As all Tim Burton films are, the aesthetic is very weird, goth, and colorful. It’s Rated PG somehow even though it has two F-bombs, but honestly I kind of stand by that rating cause I watched this movie when I was like 8 and I never felt like any scenes or lines were out of place. It’s a good romp for the whole family. The strange teleportation desert scenes feel pretty dated, but they are still charming. I dont really have anything bad to say about this movie. 

Score 10/10

In this the first annual Golden Talks, the hosts review the year 2024 in horror movies, discussing their best and worst films, as well as aggregate scores from their reviews. The conversation is filled with humor and banter as they reflect on their experiences with various horror films, highlighting both the enjoyable and the dreadful aspects of the genre. They also delve into the rankings of new releases and share their thoughts on the impact of these films on the horror landscape. In this conversation, the hosts delve into their thoughts on various horror films, including a critique of the Beetlejuice sequel, a ranking of their top five new releases, and a discussion on the quality of recent horror movies. They explore unique themes in horror, engage in a light-hearted debate about mattress sizes, and reflect on their aggregate scores for movies reviewed throughout the year. The conversation culminates in a discussion about the best and worst patron picks, revealing the challenges of audience selections in film. In this episode, the hosts reflect on their movie selections, discuss score discrepancies, and analyze their aggregate scores for the year. They delve into download statistics to gauge audience engagement and conclude with a light-hearted discussion about host dynamics and awards, including who might be the ‘worst host’.

Synopsis

Tell me, does evil come from within us, or beyond?

This film follows Ellen (played by Lily-Rose Depp), and her husband, Thomas (played by Nicholas Hoult) as Thomas takes a new job that requires him to go to a strange land to broker a real estate deal with the mysterious Count Orlok. While Ellen begs him not to go, he does anyways, and she starts having nightmares and fits of madness while he’s away. Thomas quickly realizes he’s in for a lot more than a house sale once he arrives at the Count’s castle, and Ellen, Thomas, and a gang of professors and doctors have to work together to defeat the darkness.

Review

Excellent is not a good enough word to describe this movie. It is exceptional, phenomenal, show-stopping, incredible, stupendous. This is truly a spectacle to see in the theater. The costuming is gorgeous and intricate. Every single actor brought their A-game. The atmosphere and set dressing completely immerse you into the world of 1838 Germany and the mysteries of the vampire. The physical acting from Lily-Rose Depp was completely unexpected yet welcomed and hopefully revered by all, you truly are watching a master work her craft. Nicholas Hoult was incredibly convincing as Thomas and incredibly hot, per usual. Willem Dafoe and Ralph Ineson occasionally add a solid comic relief while also driving the plot forward. Also, it is so entertaining and the pacing is perfect so the 132 minute run time passes you by like a soft summer breeze. 

I don’t even know how to review this film to accurately describe how awe-struck I was while watching it. I wanted to stand up in the theater like I was watching the Superbowl. This was my Superbowl. My one complaint is that I wish they hadn’t told us who played Count Orlok because Bill Skarsgård is completely unrecognizable as the illustrious vampire. This is Count Orlok like we’ve never seen, as in the original it was a silent film so it was impossible to hear his voice, and in the Herzog version he is portrayed as more of a melancholy creature battling with isolation and immortality. In this film, he is terrifying, he is demanding, he is alluring and intoxicating, he is sexy and fearsome and seemingly rules the world. The viewer falls under his spell just like his on screen victims. This movie is a masterpiece; it is true gothic horror, it is incredibly sexy, it is gripping, it is haunting, I want to go see it again right now.

Also, I want to emphasize that while I wrote this, I kept getting frustrated by the fact that no positive adjective will be 100% accurate at describing how incredible this film is.

Score

10/10

Synopsis

Caveat is about a man named Isaac who suffers from amnesia after a tragic accident. Isaac is hired by a man who claims to be his good friend before the accident Moe Barrett, to go to a secluded house and watch after his niece Olga who suffers from schizophrenia. Upon arriving at the dilapidated house Isaac is told the frightening catch of his new job. Since Olga is terrified of someone attacking her in her sleep, Isaac must wear a chain that keeps him anchored to certain portions of the house. Not a good deal if you ask me, but after some convincing Isaac accepts the job. Olga’s mother is also missing, and her father is recently dead. Wacky hijinks ensue. 

Review of Caveat

Caveat definitely has its issues. I think my biggest problem with this movie is just the look of it. Most shudder-exclusive movies that I’ve seen tend to lean very heavily into the spooky house syndrome, and this movie is no exception. The house in this movie is almost comically decrepit. My other issue with this movie is that I have a difficult time believing that anyone would accept this job of being chained to a house for multiple days at a time. I mean talk about a fire hazard. But with that being said, I think this movie is very creepy and does a great job at building suspense. Its visuals can border on nightmare fuel and the screaming foxes in the background sent chills down my spine. There’s enough to this movie to keep me entertained the whole way through. 

Score 6/10

This week we review Stuart Gordon’s 1985 schlock classic: Re-animator. Does it go too far for modern audiences? Listen to find out.

Synopsis

Loosely based off of H.P. Lovecraft’s short story “Herbert West – Reanimator” this film stars Jeffery Combs as Herbert West, a weird genius science student that just arrived at the Miskatonic University. He immediately clashes with his professor in asserting superior knowledge over theories surrounding brain death, and makes him an enemy.

Also in his class is Dan Cain, who rents a room to Herbert. Dan is dating the dean’s daughter and is mainly in this movie to be choked.

As Herbert West experiments with a new serum, he discovers he has unlocked the secret to reanimating the dead. After confirming it’s efficacy with small animals, he seeks to experiment on dead humans.

Review of Re-Animator

Re-animator pure B-movie schlock done right. It pulls no punches with intense gore, nudity, and dark humor. It’s the spiritual sci-fi counterpart to Evil Dead, which came out four years earlier.

Dennis Paoli, the writer, came from the world of experimental theater in Chicago, and he brought a solid foundation with a surprisingly tight script.  Both him and the director Stuart Gordon wanted to create an homage to Frankenstein, and succeeded with Re-Animator. It really does recapture some of the straight faced humor of the original 1930s Frankenstein, but turns up everything to 11.

The special effects are sometimes laughably bad, but still endearing. Particularly the reanimated psycho cat is like something off of a cheap SNL sketch, but still ends up being very entertaining.

They didn’t even try to get a rating, since it would most likely get an X. Somehow they still toe the line for decency, editing some shots just right before they get too exploitative to ruin the fun.

Mainly that’s what this movie is: A lot of fun. This film should be studied for how to pull off low-budget campy horror.

Score

10/10

Synopsis Red Christmas follows a blended family headed by matriarch Diane (Dee Wallace) as they prepare to celebrate Christmas together. When an unexpected cloaked figure pops up on their doorstep and insists on reading a letter he wrote for his mother to the family, long time secrets Diane has been keeping are revealed, along with a suspicious murderous spree.  Review There is a fine line between a campy movie and a really bad movie, and this film toes that line swimmingly. The movie is insane, it makes no sense at times, it’s funny, it’s wacky, it has really good kills, and it’s a Christmas movie. What better way to get into the Christmas spirit than to watch someone get axed hotdog style. I like this movie for its campiness, it’s very entertaining and while a lot of the plot is not logical, it is a fun slasher movie that you can enjoy with a cup of hot cocoa and some figgy pudding. It’s not the best movie of all time but it’s not trying to be. It’s trying to be a campy slasher romp, and that’s exactly what it is. If you can ignore the screwed up ‘message’ of the movie and just focus on how lovely Dee Wallace is, then you can enjoy this film. Score 7/10