I know what people see when they look at me. They see someone intense, who doesn’t hesitate, who has probably always been this way. And they’re not wrong. I’m not a person who is big on giving grace just for the sake of giving grace, and I know that gets me a bit of a bad rap, which I am totally ok with. I’m the type of woman who has been thrown to the wolves and came back leading the pack. My Nana (a very dangerous yet loving woman) taught me that at a super young age. I remember me, my baby sister & cousins getting a lecture before school that if anyone tried us “you make em hurt so bad that they will never think of hurting you again” essentially I was taught that at the first sight of disrespect you eradicate it before it becomes too big to handle. Now Nana may have meant that in terms of bullies putting hands on us but there was nuance there. There are many ways to remove a threat to your well being that doesn’t equate to being physically violent - and yet at some moments in life that may be exactly what you need to do. Discernment is key here. When I seek out justice or retribution, I receive it — because I come letting people know that if I need to be deadly, I will. For my well-being, peace, community, whatever it is I’m fighting for. I will not hold that back.

And because I am a fully embodied multifaceted Black woman there is another side to me that people don’t always see: I am as equally cutie patootie as I am bad b***h. I am very much a whimsical la-la girl. I LOVE that about me. And I can be that way — fully, without apology — because I have no problem showing my teeth. I don’t lose sleep over it & have never felt bad about it. I’m not concerned if someone says I’m too much or too aggressive. At all. Those two sides have always lived in me at the same time. And this piece is for the girl who has that same duality inside of her but hasn’t let both sides fully breathe yet. The girl who is bubbly and joyful and half-glass-full but has been told in a thousand different ways that her softness is the only version of her that’s welcome or allowed.

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That is a conversation I will probably always be having thanks to patriarchy (eye roll) so I wanted to put it here, plainly: it is okay for you to show your teeth. Actually, in order to fully get everything you want from this lifetime, you will have to.

I was raised by women who showed their teeth all the time. And I saw how it protected them, how it allowed them to live in a way of freedom that most Black people didn’t even know existed. That forever shifted my understanding of what it means to call in matriarchy, the real deal not the weird whitewashed version trending currently. But to call that in, you have to be able to show your teeth. You have to be able to protect your being, inner God, higher self & inner child. You cannot do that without showing that you can bite back.

I have this strong belief that Black women are like wolves.

I’ve felt this since I was a child. I actually got an A+ on an essay where I defended the so-called Big Bad Wolf in the Three Little Pigs — those pigs sounded like terrorists to me, like Karens before the word Karen was a thing, harassing a wolf that was just trying to live in its natural habitat and survive. Anyways I’ve always had this kinship with wolves because I see how they’re portrayed in media as vile, irrational creatures that are always out for blood, with no warmth or care in their bodies. Things to be terrified of, to eradicate.

And it always bothered me because reading Women Who Run with the Wolves confirmed what I already felt: wolves love and care for their community deeply. They only become vicious if you attack what they love. They are sweet, loving, intelligent creatures. That reminds me so much of Black women in particular. I’m not saying all women. I’m saying Black women. I said what I said. We are portrayed in media the exact same way as wolves, wicked and dangerous. Yet we are the exact same way as wolves — nurturing, community-oriented, instinctually protective of our young.

Even those of us who have dealt with immense trauma. Part of our healing and spiritual journey is coming back home to that understanding: we are designed to take care of ourselves, and by taking care of ourselves, we take care of our communities. That is why I believe deeply that Black women who are fully embodied, who can operate in their light and their dark, will absolutely shift this world forward. Not save — I’m not calling us into becoming super mammies. My goal is for us to really live out our lives exactly how we see them in our mind’s eye, to be so clear in that decision that we fearlessly live it out loud. And that requires showing teeth.

But society has tried to defang us. Remove our canines, our claws, so we would cower and be afraid of extinction and stop operating in our natural way of wildness. Too many of us have stopped showing our teeth because of it. Whether that’s through assimilation and just wanting to succeed with capitalism/racism/sexism or any of the myriad things we have to deal with as intersectional beings we are constantly told not to show our teeth. And when you grow up with that understanding, it is dangerous. It is you forcing your bigness into something so small that it is crushing you. There are parts of you that are being unseen and compressed and pressured into a shape that is not your Divine self. Hell not even your fully human self. You’re operating from a space of smallness. And I don’t want that for us anymore.

It can cost you everything to not show your teeth.

Even just hesitating a bit. It impacts your confidence. It becomes detrimental to your dynamics because people aren’t fully aware of all you are. You end up actively suppressing your bigness, so you make choices from a place of fear or desperation instead of power. And suppressing your true feelings, especially as a Black woman, can literally make you sick.

There was an article that went viral from the Atlanta Tribune ‘Silent Rage Is A Hidden Health Crisis Among Women Of Color, Fueling Autoimmune Disorders’ and it laid out that the ‘angry Black woman’ stereotype pressures us to suppress our emotions to avoid being labeled, and that cultural silencing is making it a matter of life and death. Women of color who frequently suppress their anger are 70% more likely to develop conditions linked to heart attacks. Women account for nearly 80% of autoimmune disease cases. And the traits that get rewarded in us by society like agreeability, extreme selflessness, suppression of anger — are the same traits making us chronically ill. Your body will say what your mouth has been forced not to express. That’s clearly what the research is showing us.

I have witnessed incredibly bright, brilliant women go through pain and humiliation simply because they were taught to be nice first. That leads to something else that happens when you swallow your teeth for too long you start questioning other women who you actively see using their teeth. Women who do know who they are, who are aware of their power, who do not hesitate to remove whatever is in the way of their joy — you start projecting yourself onto them.

You start thinking, well, I did this, so they might go down this road too. But you’re not considering the fact that a woman who is comfortable showing her teeth is fully aware of what she’s experiencing precisely because she is not hesitant. She’s clear. And when you can’t see that in her because you can’t see it in yourself, it makes it very hard to be in circles with women who are actually showing up and living life. It costs you proper community and support, sisterhood. Because if you’re constantly projecting and not taking the time to allow another woman to be who she is because you are realizing that you are not all of who you are, you will push away the very women you need around you.

There’s a deep wound underneath all of this, and for many of us it starts with our mothers.

We talk sooo much about daddy wounds (which I think is hilarious because it just speaks to patriarchy) but it’s the mother wounds that tend to cause us the most pain. Because we lived inside of a body that we didn’t really get to know, or that we only knew in one capacity. We didn’t get to see the full dimension of who that person was, whether or not we know our biological mother. And that disconnect can create a real disassociation from your fullness and your power.

If you were a golden child, a goody two shoes (I know that’s exactly what I was) you learned early what it meant to make yourself small so that your existence felt worth the sacrifice. I knew at an early age that my mother had sacrificed a lot for me to exist, and my main goal as a child was to make it worth it. I know that sounds heartbreaking. But that is something I intuitively felt the need to do because I was really grateful for my mom, I loved her and I could see, even at a young age, that she was suffering.

Or maybe you were the weird girl, samesies. And depending on your environment, that weirdness might have actually shielded you from some of what society was trying to force on you — but you still felt the pressure of people wanting you to assimilate and be normal. Whether it was because being normal gave you more access to community or resources as a child, the pressure was there to not be too weird. To tone it down & fit somewhere recognizable.

Or maybe you were the rebellious one. Who questioned authority, had her own thought process, was outspoken in a way that made the adults around her uncomfortable. And eventually that got weathered out of you — either you fell in line, or you were isolated and became an outlier to your own tribe. And that kind of exile as a child is devastating.

Any one of those veins of bubbly Black girl origin can lead you to the same place: not wanting to show your teeth anymore.

There’s the narrative of children should be seen and not heard. Lyvonne Briggs talks about this in Sensual Faith — how dangerous it is to continue that narrative, but also understanding where it comes from, especially for Black Americans. Keeping your child quiet was a way of trying to keep them safe, making sure the white terrorists we had to coexist with weren’t going to harm our children any more than they already were being harmed. bell hooks speaks about this as well in Sisters of the Yam. That narrative of being quiet, being proper that could easily have been the beginning moment where you stopped showing your teeth. There are so many spaces where the fierceness got trained out of you for survival’s sake, corrupting protection into a pattern.

But showing your teeth is one of the first ways you get to expand. That snarl, that dog in you, it shows people: I am not to be played with. Whether I am wounded or not, whether I grew up in suburbia or in the hood, you are not to play with me. You can not minimize me, my feelings or my expression of self. You could NEVER tell me that I am not enough. And if you do, there are dire consequences for you. I am fearless in protecting myself, my loved ones, my ideologies, the fullness of who I am as a Black femme. Yes, the snarl is probably aggression. But it is rooted in you being assertive and making sure you have dominance over your own life. And because of that, it leads to expansion.

Showing your teeth is also an act of healing your inner child.

When you are able to protect yourself, it does so much for your reparenting experience — and many of us will have to do that on our healing journey, especially if you are someone trying to become fully embodied and get comfortable with your darker urges and desires. Part of reparenting is becoming the protector you needed as a child.

Women who are fully embodied never hesitate to show their teeth. What I mean by that is they don’t need more than one reason, more than one experience with somebody, to take what that person has done to them at face value. It reminds me of Maya Angelou (a woman who was deeply embodied) and her statement: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.“ I absolutely live and breathe by that. It has saved me a lot of heartache, it has allowed me to change my conditions, to ensure that nobody takes from me and that I never doubt myself just because someone thought they could push further.

And sure, sometimes people are just having a bad day. That’s true. But if we’re always operating out of making sure other people are at ease in the lives they’re living, we’re never really checking in to see if we’re at peace in our own. I’d rather make sure my house is in order first, and then extend that courtesy outward. What I will NEVER be okay with is when someone isn’t comfortable where they’re at, they think they can make me feel uncomfortable too. Aht aht. It does not benefit you to ever give someone the benefit of the doubt. Especially people you don’t know.

And I know someone will say: but what about turning the other cheek? People love to invoke that s**t. They love to hold up Jesus, Gandhi, Mother Teresa like they all belong in the same sentence, as though they all represent the same thing. They don’t.

Let’s start with Christ. Jesus made a whip out of cords and flipped tables in the temple (Matthew 21:12, John 2:15). He was about THAT life, ok? He showed his teeth often and with good reason — and it didn’t stop the people who loved and valued him from doing so. The haters were everywhere and they were loud, and he still had community, devotion, and people who would ride for him. Because showing your teeth doesn’t repel love. It clarifies who’s actually capable of giving it.

Now. Gandhi and Mother Teresa are a different conversation entirely and should never have been in the same sentence as Christ. People hold them up as pillars of grace and nonviolence, but what they actually practiced was performance. The appearance of being passive and loving while doing real harm behind closed doors. Gandhi, the man who is considered to be a “North Star” for nonviolence, was documented in his own autobiography dragging his wife Kasturba out of the house by her wrist, and later in life subjected his teenage grandnieces to what multiple historians have identified as sexual abuse under the guise of “celibacy experiments.” Mother Teresa’s legacy carries its own well-documented record of harm. These are not people who turned the other cheek. These are people who performed niceness while being genuinely terrible — and their mythology was used to teach you that silence and submission equal goodness. That is propaganda. That is media being used to oppress and suppress. And that brand of performative passivity has nothing to do with the whimsy Black girl either. You are not performing softness. You are soft. And that is exactly why you need your teeth.

There is an inherent ugliness to showing your teeth that pushes people away from doing it. Particularly Black women.

Because we were taught that having access to some form of pretty privilege benefits us — and that is true. I use my pretty privilege often. However, I have never minimized the so-called ugliness. The wofulness. The blood dripping from your teeth after you tear into somebody. I acknowledge that too, and in itself, it is beautiful. Women are not just prim and proper. It is not just the civilized side. It’s also the wild woman. The woman with dirt under her nails, with hairy legs and unbrushed hair. The woman who may have an undesirable societal feature like crooked teeth or not the idealistic body type. There is beauty in the full spectrum of what we are, even the parts that are considered taboo. Especially those parts.

The more you practice showing your teeth, the better you can discern when it’s appropriate to bite back and when to hold someone close because they actually need it. And yes, there will be times when you bite back and it’s the wrong call. That might require a little more compassion on your end. You’ll learn that in the moment. But you have to try first. You have to be aware of your teeth. You have to sharpen them and that means becoming more clever, having more wit, really studying yourself to know what you like and what you don’t like. These are the things that help you discern when it’s time.

If you’re someone who is hesitant about showing your teeth, about standing up for yourself, about backing your beliefs — it’s probably because you haven’t studied yourself enough to know when and how and where.

There are layers to why that is, especially if you are a Black woman from the United States. We are such intuitive beings, but we have been forced to operate from a space of logic and intellect first. And the reason that’s dangerous is because most of the schools of thought and education systems we learned through were built by white people. There is a s**t ton of decolonization that has to happen in your education to realize that you could never really lead with intellect alone. It is a disservice to you to use one without the other. Intuition is foundational for Black women. When you lead with your intuition and then layer on your intellect, you experience levels of embodiment that change everything.

With that internal adjustment you begin wielding personal alchemy. The thing that was meant to be poisonous, meant to deplete you — when you are fully embodied, you repurpose its energy to benefit you. You can feed off of it and transform it into something life-bringing and nourishing. Like sipping on your baby daddy’s tears or siphoning energy from a man that is being dishonest. These are things that get looked down on, that get called cruel or unnecessary. And usually it’s because the person judging is afraid to show their teeth. They are afraid to get to the wild, gory gritty all that comes with being a woman. But that grittiness is where the power is. That is what showing your teeth actually unlocks not just the ability to protect yourself, but the ability to take what was thrown at you and make it feed your life instead of drain it.

So as you move through this season, as you’re reclaiming your access to the dark feminine, as you’re choosing to show up as your full self, embrace the duality. You can be whimsy and wicked when needed. Will it piss people off? Absolutely. But they were already mad that you’re as soft, happy, and bubbly as you are. So why not double down for the plot?

Here is what’s on the other side of showing your teeth

you are fully in your body and power with a clear understanding of your intuition and what is actually possible for you. It’s like unlocking the final boss version of yourself because you know that if you need to protect yourself, you absolutely will. You also know that the universe and your Ancestors will protect you too. If you need to have access to your prosperity, you know you will go for it, you will allow it to come to you, and you will not let anyone get in the way. And the universe and your Ancestors and your spirit teams will show up with that same level of fierceness and determination. And your play — because you understand that you can protect yourself, it allows you to be softer. It allows you to play with the power dynamics between yourself and others. It is a completely different experience mentally, spiritually, and physically when you allow yourself to show your teeth. It is you being shameless & unhinged. It is also you understanding that within that, you know how to operate in society when it makes sense for you to do so, and you know you can stand against society, stand by yourself and your own beliefs, anytime, anywhere. Ultimately you just have more access to fluidity. And it really is like a superpower.

Protect your deservingness of pleasure and play and prosperity. By any means necessary. If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready. Show your teeth. You don’t always have to use them. But people need to know they’re there, that they’re sharp, and that you will not hesitate if needed.

Love you deep babes.

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5:44a start time

So many of us begin our spiritual journey because we are subconsciously trying to mend a split inside ourselves. We spent so much of our lives before that moment feeling off, broken, misunderstood and not really having the language for why.

This split was never our natural state. We were divinely designed for union, to access the full pow…

Thank you Otissia Lynette, Sierra Jeter, Jack, Tori Rerick, Sea, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

This is the final week of this experience for the Anti-Blocked Artist Club with The Artist’s Way framework, and I am proud of us for completing it. I hope Week 12 has been good to you, and honestly I hope every week has been good to you in whatever way you needed it.

This week is recovering a sense of faith, and the essays we went through were Trusting, Mystery, The Imagination at Play, and Escape Velocity. I’m touching on each of them here, and you can go deeper with the replay video. I’ll drop the task images and check-in below so you can move through it at your own pace.

Thank you to everyone who completed the 12 weeks, whether you were here live or circling back in your own timing. This is evergreen. Take what you need, when you need it.

Trusting

Faith had to get redefined for me. I struggled with it for years, especially in my 20s, because the version I was taught didn’t fit my life or my body. What finally made sense was realizing faith is confidence — confidence in who you believe in, whether that’s God, Source, the ancestors — and confidence in what they’re capable of in your life. When that clicked, movement got easier. Courage felt less like pressure. Following my bliss wasn’t naive, it was alignment. That’s what trusting looks like here: confidence that lets you move.

Mystery

This is the one that feels like dark feminine energy for real. So much of what we create is going to come from places that aren’t well-lit or logical, and that doesn’t mean danger — that means depth. Mystery asks you to stop demanding clarity before you begin. It asks you to stop treating the unknown like a threat. There’s adventure in the parts of yourself you haven’t met yet. There’s creativity in the dark. That’s where some of your best work is going to come from.

The Imagination at Play

Art can’t survive if you strip the fun out of it. If your inner child never gets a turn, everything starts feeling like work you didn’t sign up for. Play isn’t immaturity — it’s oxygen. It’s relief. It’s what keeps the process from suffocating you. When joy disappears, the struggle that follows isn’t growth, it’s self-inflicted burnout. Play brings your nervous system back online so you can actually create, not just perform effort.

Escape Velocity

At a certain point in your growth, you’re going to feel a moment where it looks like you’re being “tested.” I don’t fully agree with the language, but I do understand the pattern: there are points where life checks whether you’ve integrated what you learned. If not, the season runs again. Not as punishment — as repetition. If you have integrated it, things open. You move. Creativity gets louder. Access gets wider. It’s not about passing anything; it’s about readiness.

💡 Tasks for the Week & Check-In

I’ll drop the images for the tasks and check-in below.

This is evergreen. Do it in real time or come back later. Either way, if you’re applying this framework even a little: morning pages, artist dates, somatic practices, check-in questions. - you’re shifting the trajectory of your artistic life.

I LOVE YOU!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lotuslaloba.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you Jack, Sea, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Thank you for showing up for yourselves, for the community, and for me. I’m still an artist while holding this container, and the direction we’re heading matters. This week was about recognizing what it takes to live as an artist in real time — not conceptually, not aesthetically, but in the day-to-day choices that protect your creativity, your body, and your relationship to your own life.

We covered Acceptance, Success, Zen of Sports, and Building Your Artist’s Altar, and stayed close to the truth that being an artist means your life will look different. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s the sign you’re actually living it.

If you want the deeper breakdown and the parts I expanded on in the live (the nervous system, how capitalism distorts creativity, the oxygen mask theory, and how to apply all of this without burning out) — those conversations live in the After-Party Notes for paid subscribers.

The Dark Divines is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my art, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

Acceptance

Acceptance is realizing you are an artist and that your life is not supposed to mirror the mainstream. Going against the grain is not proof that something is wrong — it’s often the indicator that you’re on the right path. This includes releasing the need to be perfect about how you show up and asking:Am I showing up for my art, or am I performing for other people?

We named that boredom is not a failure. Boredom can be a positive sign for the brain — a reset, a clearing, space for ideas to stretch. But if irritation or numbness shows up, that’s usually a sign you’re not expressing your art in the ways you’re built to. That’s the moment to recalibrate, not self-abandon.We also talked about developing a healthy disassociation from capitalism if you want to be a successful artist. If success is the goal, you can’t build it by following a structure designed to drain you.

Success

Success in this chapter came down to the difference between rest and resting.

* Rest is slowing down enough to feel nourished, out of sync with society, and in alignment with your divine source.

* Resting, the way Julia uses it, is stagnancy — not sharpening the saw, staying still because you’re tired of trying.

I don’t agree with the “be a shark, grind through it, force your way forward” framework. That isn’t necessary, and it’s not sustainable — especially for Black women. It is okay to be one-on-one. It is okay to create at a pace that honors your nervous system. You don’t have to constantly produce because capitalism demands it.

We also talked about financial literacy being essential if you want to protect your creativity. Money clarity gives you space to enjoy the process instead of expecting your art to carry the entire weight of your livelihood. Success and fame are not the same thing — and knowing that difference keeps your art safe.

The oxygen mask theory showed up here: you pour into yourself first, especially with your art, or you’ll have nothing real to give.

Zen of Sports

Zen of Sports is about mindful movement. Movement helps creative energy move through the body so it doesn’t get stuck in frustration, irritation, or blocks. Julia shares stories of people who regained creative flow through physical practice, and we expanded that to include somatic therapy, walking, stretching, dance — whatever gets energy moving again.

This is about letting the body participate in the creative process, not just the mind.

Building Your Artist’s Altar

This section connects back to the CPR Method. It asks a simple question:How can my day look and feel like an artist’s day?

Building an altar can mean a physical space, but it can also be a ritual, a rhythm, or a way of treating your life like something worth tending to. This is where whimsy, beauty, and creativity return to the forefront. The altar is the anchor point. The reminder. The recalibration.

💡 Main Exercise + Check-In

I’ll add the images for this week’s task, the check-in question, and the activity below.They’re images so I can conserve energy and continue putting depth into the After-Party Notes without burning out.

Take your time with Week 11.Autonomy isn’t something you rush through or try to get “right.” It shows up in the small choices: the moments when you stop performing, when you stop negotiating with your body, when you stop trying to match a pace that was never yours. This week is about recognizing that you’re an artist and building a life that matches that truth, even when it doesn’t look like what people expect from you.

If you want to stay with what came up in this session the After-Party Notes are there. That’s where I slow down and talk through the parts that need space.

And if something in you is shifting, you’re not imagining it. Keep going at a pace that lets you hear yourself. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll meet you in Week 12.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lotuslaloba.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you Jacquie Verbal, Rachael T, Jack, Sierra Jeter, Summa⭐️, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. LOVE YALL!

Week 10 was about self-protection and what happens when creativity finally starts moving and the body, mind, and spirit are all online at the same time.

Across Dangers of the Trail, Workaholism, Drought, Fame, and Competition, we stayed with how protection isn’t only about guarding against harm. It’s also about learning how to hear divinity, tolerate alignment, and remain present when pleasure, creativity, and momentum show up.

If you’re wanting the deeper layers: the neuroscience, the metaphysical pov, and how dark feminine energy and beauty are woven through this—those conversations live in the After-Party Notes for paid subscribers.

The Dark Divines is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my art, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

Dangers of the Trail

This conversation starts with something most people don’t expect: what happens when creativity finally starts flowing and you don’t know how to tolerate it. We looked at vices not as moral failures, but as the ways people interrupt alignment the moment divinity, pleasure, or creative momentum shows up. There’s a deeper question running underneath this one about discipline, devotion, and why being in flow can feel more dangerous than being stuck.

Workaholism

This conversation centers one of the most praised vices we have. Workaholism doesn’t look like a problem when it’s being rewarded, affirmed, and used as proof of worth. Especially under capitalism. Especially for creatives.

We started pulling apart why this vice is so hard to name, how it disguises itself as discipline and ambition, and what it actually costs you creatively when output becomes the place you hide. The idea of sobriety around work comes up here in a way that challenges a lot of conditioning, and it opens a much bigger question about what you think safety and success are supposed to look like.

Drought

This part of the live stays with seasons where nothing is coming up, without rushing to fix them or frame them as failure. Droughts, plateaus, and pauses were treated as information, not emergencies.

In the live, I shared a practice I personally use when I’m in a drought to help unlock the page without forcing output or letting everything spiral in my head. We also started reframing how people think about plateaus in creativity and career, especially the idea that stillness can actually generate momentum later.

I go much deeper into reframing droughts as creative fasting in the After-Party Notes, including how these seasons can be used intentionally instead of feared.

Fame

Fame is a completely different desire than success, and a lot of people do not know the difference. That confusion is one of the biggest reasons people struggle to express their creativity, because what they are actually chasing is being seen, being chosen, being validated, and that comes with a level of perception and judgment most people are not prepared for. We talked about the pitfalls that come with fame, why it can make creating feel unsafe, and why it is so important to define success for yourself instead of letting visibility become the thing that decides your worth. This part of the replay is for anyone who wants to create and still feel happy, safe, and free while doing it.

Competition

We ended with a conversation that surprised a lot of people. Instead of treating competition as inherently good or bad, we explored how orientation matters—creator versus competitor—and what happens when attention shifts away from the work itself. Hearing different perspectives in the room changed how this landed, especially for people who have been taught that competition is the only way forward.

💡 Main Exercise + Tasks for the Week Below you’ll see images for this week’s tasks and exercises. I’m choosing to include these as images so I can conserve my energy and continue putting depth and care into the After-Party Notes without burning myself out.

You’ll also see the Workaholism Quiz here. Take it and let me know what you notice.

🪞 Weekly Check-In Below you’ll see images with the check-in questions for the week.

Take your time with Week 10. Self-protection isn’t something you rush through or perform correctly. It’s something you practice by staying with yourself when creativity starts to open, when pleasure is present, and when things feel possible again.

If you want to keep going with me and sit a little longer with what we touched on here, the After-Party Notes are there for you. That’s where I let myself move slower and go deeper with the work.

I’m really proud of you for continuing this journey with me. I loved this session more than I expected to, and I’m looking forward to seeing what comes up as we move into Week 11, where we’ll be exploring Recovering a Sense of Autonomy. I hope to see you there.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lotuslaloba.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you Rachael T, Jack, Summa⭐️, Sea, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

This week was about compassion and what it looks like to offer it to yourself as an artist. We moved through three essays: Fear, Enthusiasm, and Creative U-Turns & stayed with how compassion helps us remain in relationship with ourselves while navigating fear, creativity, and redirection.

If you want to go deeper into this week—through more in-depth EFT work, or by exploring the beauty, metaphysics, and neuroscience underlying compassion and fear that material lives in the After-Party Notes, along with more intimate reflections from the live session. Those are available to paid subscribers.

The Dark Divines is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my art, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

Fear

I don’t know if you know this but fear often gets mislabeled as laziness or procrastination, when it way deeper than that. Fear highlights how we try not to feel abandonment, success or failure.

Instead of turning that fear into proof that something is wrong with us, the we explore learning how to name it and give ourselves more compassion while we move through it. Over time, that makes it possible to make a friend of fear instead of letting it quietly run the show.

We also talked about how fear can form early, especially for children who are rebellious, curious, artistic, or inclined to ask questions. When those qualities are shut down instead of supported, that suppression can become a foundational source of fear later in life.

Allowing children to ask questions helps them grow into adults who know when to question authority and when to trust their instincts. For a lot of artists, reclaiming that permission is part of the work.

Enthusiasm

This is one of my favorites in the book and a really meaningful part of the session. We talked about what enthusiasm actually means and what it looks like to create from enthusiasm rather than obligation. When you’re creating from that place, the creative journey feels alive instead of heavy.

Enthusiasm allows creativity to feel nourishing rather than pressured, and we need that.

Creative U-Turns

This was more complex, especially when we looked at how creative U-turns actually show up for Black women.

We talked about literary mothers like Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, Audre Lorde, Zora Neale Hurston, and many others who were not afforded the luxury of retreating from life to recover creatively. Their U-turns often happened through endurance, responsibility, and community.

For many of them, creativity became a place to rest, to explore, and to express what they were carrying while continuing forward. That context matters, and it changes how we understand what creative redirection can look like.

💡 Main Exercise: Clearing the Block

This week’s main exercise is about getting real with your artist-child about what’s actually in the way, so the work has room to move again. Grab your journal and walk through these five questions without editing yourself.

1. List your resentments. Write down any resentment or anger you feel connected to this project. It can be petty, dramatic, old, or brand new. If your artist is irritated, jealous, tired, or holding a grudge about anything tied to this work, put it on the page.

2. List your fears. Ask your artist to name every fear it has about this project, the work itself, or anyone involved. Let the fears sound as young and extra as they actually feel. If it feels like a big, scary monster to your artist, it belongs here.

3. Ask if there’s more. Check in and ask yourself, “Is that everything?” See if there’s any anger, resistance, or fear you skipped over because it felt silly, small, or inconvenient. If something pops up, write it down too.

4. Name the payoff. Ask yourself what you stand to gain by not doing this work. Less pressure, less visibility, fewer expectations, more comfort—whatever comes up, let it be honest. This is where you spot the quiet bargains you’ve been making.

5. Make your deal. On a fresh page, write a simple agreement: “Okay, Creative Force, you take care of the quality, I’ll take care of the quantity.” Sign it. Date it. Put it somewhere you can see when you show up to work.

This little sequence does serious damage to a creative block, because it pulls everything that’s been whispering in the dark into the light where you can actually move with it.

Tasks for the Week

1. Morning Pages Read your Morning Pages. This process is best undertaken with two colored markers, one to highlight insights and another to highlight actions needed. Do not judge your pages or yourself. This is very important.

Yes, they will be boring. No, I like that part. I think this is really insightful. You probably will find that there are a lot of creative ideas that you can start working on and building toward for your upcoming season of you displaying your art. And you’ll also notice a lot of your growth and a lot of your darkness. Take the time to sit with that. That’s super important.

Also, take stock. Who have you consistently been complaining about? What have you procrastinated on? What, blessedly, have you allowed yourself to change or accept? Take heart. Many of us notice an alarming tendency toward black and white thinking. Don’t be thrown by this.

And then acknowledge. The pages have allowed us to vent without self-destruction, to plan without interference, to complain without an audience, to dream without restriction, to know our own minds. Give yourself credit for undertaking them. Give them credit for the change and growth they have fostered.

2. Visualizing You have already done the work with naming your goal and identifying True North. The following exercise allows you to fully imagine having the goal accomplished. Please spend time filling it out in rich detail.

Name your goal. In the present tense, describe yourself doing it in the height of your powers. This is your ideal scene. Read this out loud to yourself. Post this above your work area. Read this out loud daily.

You can also use my Visualize Your Dream Life meditation, which is always available on my YouTube, to do the same exact thing. For those who may not want to write or are unable to write, that’s another great way to do this.

3. Priorities List your creative goals for the year. List your creative goals for the month. Then list your creative goals for the week.

4. Creative U-Turns All of us have taken creative U-turns. Name one of yours. Name three more. Name one that just kills you.

Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for all your failures — failures of nerves, timing, initiative, and device. Write a personal list of affirmations to help you do better in the future.

Very gently consider whether you need to abandon or let go of any of the ideas you have. Remember that you’re not alone. For this, you can use the Creative Shock Code I broke down in the After-Party notes for Week Seven. That will help you see where you’re at with your ideas and which ones are on pause versus which ones you actually need to dive back into right now.

🪞 Weekly Check-In

* How many days this week did you do your Morning Pages? Regarding your U-turns, have you allowed yourself a shift toward compassion, even if it was just one page?Did you do your Artist Date this week? Did you keep the emphasis on fun? What did you do? How did you feel?

* Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?

* Were there any issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery? Describe them.

As we move into Week 10, we’ll be focusing in on Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection, and I really want you to take your time with everything we covered so far. Remember you never have to rush through this journey just to say you checked it off. Let it move at the pace your body and your creative life can actually hold.

If anything came up for you this week, feel free to share in the comments or in the chat. This work deepens when we let it be seen, and you never know who else needs to hear that they’re not alone in it. And if these sessions have been supportive for you, you’re always welcome to invite others to join us live.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lotuslaloba.substack.com/subscribe

This week, our focus was really about grief and how it shows up in the creative life, especially when things do not unfold the way you imagined they would. How important it is to know that loss and disappointment can interrupt your relationship with your creativity, but they can also become moments of redirection when you understand how to stay connected to yourself while moving through them.

We talked through what it actually looks like to pivot when something hurts, and how strength is rebuilt by staying present with pain instead of letting it shut you down or pull you away from yourself.

Then there’s how criticism, loss, and unmet expectations can impact artists in very different ways, and why discernment and small, intentional steps matter when it comes to having sustainable creative momentum over time.

What’s here makes sense on its own, but there’s another layer underneath it where beauty, neuroscience, and metaphysics start doing something more interesting.

The Dark Divines is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my art, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

1. Survival

This essay really brought up the importance of having a healthy ego as an artist, especially when it comes to discernment around feedback and criticism. Not everyone needs to have access to what you are making, and not all input is meant to be taken in or applied. Be picky, intentionally.

It also brought up how devastating loss can feel in the life of an artist. When something doesn’t work out, it can feel really personal because your creativity is connected to who you are. Making space for that loss is crucial, because when you don’t acknowledge it, it festers and starts to affect how you show up creatively.

The author talks about pain as fuel, but I feel it’s more than that - pain is directional. Pain shows you where something is off, where you might be malnourishing yourself, or where more care is needed. When you listen to that instead of rushing past it, it can help you move forward with more clarity instead of shutting down.

2. Ivy Power

There is this assumption that you have to choose between being intellectual and being creative, and I don’t agree with that at all. I’m not anti-intellectual, but I am very clear about how much elitism lives in academic spaces, especially the idea that once something has been collectively agreed upon, that is the only way it can be understood.

You see this all the time with intuition and spirituality being dismissed as irrational or unserious, even though most of what is considered “proven” now has been practiced intuitively and spiritually for hundreds of years. Science and spirituality are not opposites. A lot of the time, science is just spirituality that has finally been measured and accepted. I SAID WHAT I SAID.

I see it as this: creativity lives in the body, and intellect lives in the mind. When those two are allowed to work together, you move through the world as a whole person. That integration makes it easier to trust yourself, share your work, and stop splitting yourself in two in order to belong.

3. Gain Disguised as a Loss

This essay was truly about pivoting so you can focus on what you actually want instead of what you were handed/thought you were supposed to want.

Grief shows up again by being able to open doors you didn’t know were available. Sometimes loss is what breaks you out of narrow thinking or conditioning you didn’t realize you were still operating under. Grief has a way of stripping things down so you can see what’s actually true for you.

Instead of getting stuck in “why me,” the question shifts to “what’s next,” and that question doesn’t require a huge leap. It asks for small steps that help you deepen your skill set and move forward without overwhelming yourself.

Pain, in this context, is information. It shows you where to redirect your energy and how to move in a way that’s more aligned.

4. Age and Time, Product and Process

There is a lot of pressure placed on timing when it comes to creativity, we’ve all been indoctrinated to do the impossible in our youth in order to feel exceptional. Especially around the idea that you should already be somewhere else by now (how boring right?), and that pressure can quietly convince people to stop before they ever really begin.

When we dig deeper we can see how living in a culture where everything is constantly documented, measured, and shared makes experimentation feel more vulnerable than it needs to be. Society has somehow decided that the act of trying, changing your mind, or being visibly in process is a risk instead of a natural part of being creative. Essentially there’s a cost to being cringe (this is such a good title!)

Creativity does not operate on a straight or predictable timeline, and it is not something that ever truly reaches a final endpoint, because your art keeps evolving as you do. When the focus shifts away from outcomes and proof and back toward process, curiosity, and presence, the work becomes less about proving worth. You reroute your inner artist towards the path of staying connected to what wants to move through you.

You do not need to produce something polished, impressive, or complete in order to justify your desire to create, because that desire was never conditional in the first place.

5. Filling the Form

Filling the form is about learning how to take small, supportive steps without turning creativity into an all-or-nothing situation.

Many of us as artist have a common pattern, of believing that everything has to change before creativity is allowed to exist, and that belief often shows up as pressure to quit a job, leave a relationship, move somewhere new, or completely overhaul life in order to finally begin. That kind of thinking can feel decisive and brave, but can slip and slide into postponing the work itself.

When energy gets pulled into logistics, emotional intensity, survival mode, or managing chaos, creativity will go to the backburner instead of being a priority. What actually sustains creative momentum is learning how to work with what already exists and allowing creativity to live inside your current reality rather than waiting for ideal conditions to appear.

This is where the magic in the mundane becomes practical. Small, repeatable actions taken consistently will be easier to build more momentum than dramatic antics that burn you out or distract you from why you wanted to create in the first place.

There is also an important distinction to hold around safety. When we don’t feel safe in an environment, emotionally or otherwise, we will struggle to create. At the same time, the belief that everything has to be completely settled before creativity can happen often becomes another form of self-sabotage, since life is rarely quiet or resolved for long. We have to enjoy the dance of finding that middle ground.

Let’s be real, you know artists carry a lot of intensity, and though society will try to tell us it’s a problem it’s truly not. The problem shows up when there is no healthy container for it. Without consistent creative outlets, that energy often spills into relationships, impulsive decisions, or patterns that undermine the very dreams someone is trying to build. Creative practice gives that intensity somewhere to go without creating unnecessary destruction.

Creativity requires activity, and when that activity is grounded, repeatable, and informed by care rather than urgency, it becomes sustainable. Over time, that steadiness is what restores clarity, confidence, and satisfaction in the creative life.

What’s here makes sense on its own, but there’s another layer underneath it where beauty, neuroscience, and metaphysics start doing something more interesting.

💡 Main Exercise

The main exercise in the book for this week is called Early Patterning. I’m choosing not to include it here.

That exercise can be very triggering, and in my opinion, anything that intentionally brings up early wounds should be done with immediate support, grounding tools, and the ability to process what comes up in real time. Dropping something like that into written notes without that container does not feel ethical to me as a practitioner.

If you have the book and feel resourced enough to work with that exercise on your own, you are absolutely welcome to do so. For our purposes here, we’re taking a different approach.

Instead, we’re working with affirmations, because they offer a way to integrate what this week brings up without overwhelming your nervous system. These affirmations help reinforce your right to create, your right to take up space as an artist, and your ability to stay in relationship with your creativity as you heal.

My suggestion is to use these affirmations while tapping on your EFT sweet spot or through the tapping points you’re already familiar with. You can work with them slowly, choose a few that feel most relevant, or move through all of them as a way to gently integrate the themes from this week.

Affirmations

* I am a talented person.

* I have a right to be an artist.

* I am a good person and a good artist.

* Creativity is a blessing I accept.

* My creativity blesses others.

* My creativity is appreciated.

* I now treat myself and my creativity more gently.

* I now treat myself and my creativity more generously.

* I now share my creativity more openly.

* I now accept hope.

* I now act affirmatively.

* I now accept creative recovery.

* I now allow myself to heal.

* I now accept Divine’s help unfolding in my life.

* I now believe the Divine loves artists.

Weekly Tasks

1. Goal Search

This exercise may feel challenging. Let yourself do it anyway.

If more than one dream surfaces, complete the exercise for each one. Imagining a dream in concrete detail helps move it out of abstraction and into reality. Think of this as a preliminary architect’s drawing for the life you want to build.

Start with: “In a perfect world, I would secretly love to be a…”

Then name one concrete goal that signals accomplishment for you. This is your emotional true north. Two people can want the same thing but be oriented toward very different outcomes. What matters is what feels true to you.

From there, ask: Where would you like to be in five years? What can you do this year to move closer? What can you do this month, this week, today, and right now?

Choose one small action and begin.

If this feels difficult, you can also work with my You Can Live Your Dream Life Now visualization meditation as a daily support. It’s designed to help you feel your dream life through your senses and stabilize your nervous system around receiving it.

2. New Childhood

Imagine what you might have been like if you had received perfect nurturing.

Write one page describing that childhood. What were you given? What support did you have? How was your creativity treated?

Then ask yourself if there are ways you can begin reparenting yourself in that direction now.

3. Color Schemes

Choose a color and write a few sentences describing yourself as that color, in the first person.

Pay attention to how that color makes you feel, where it already shows up in your life, and where you might want more of it. Consider how color supports your nervous system, your creativity, and your sense of safety.

4. Five Forbidden Acts

Make a list of five things you are “not allowed” to do.

You don’t need to act them out literally. Write them, draw them, paint them, collage them, or express them symbolically. Then put on music and let your body move.

This is about giving intense or restricted energy somewhere safe to go.

5. Style Search

List 20 things you’d like to do.

For each one, ask: Does this cost money or is it free? Is it expensive or simple? Is it alone or with others? Does it involve physical risk? Is it fast or slow? Does it nourish the mind, body, or spirit?

Notice the patterns that emerge.

6. Ideal Day (As Life Is Now)

Design a perfect day based on your current life.

Use what you’ve learned from the tasks above and let yourself imagine a day that feels resourced, grounded, and creatively supportive without waiting for your life to change.

7. Ideal Day (No Restrictions)

Now design a perfect day without limits.

Include your ideal environment, work, relationships, creative expression, and pace. Let yourself be honest about what you want, even if it feels unrealistic or far away.

8. Live One Festive Detail

Choose one element from your ideal day and bring it into your real life this week.

You might not be able to move cities or change everything, but you can shift the texture of your day. This could be a drink, a meal, an outfit, a ritual, or a moment of slowness.

These tasks pair beautifully with visualization work and are also great for updating your Lotus Life Deck.

Additional Support

If you find yourself struggling to dream clearly or imagine what you actually want, that’s normal.

A lot of us have been conditioned, disappointed, or broken down by life in ways that make desire feel inaccessible or unsafe. When that happens, it’s not a lack of vision; it’s a protective response.

I often use my Visualize Your Dream Life Now guided meditation as support when I need help reconnecting to desire without forcing it. It’s a visualization practice designed to help you feel your dream life through your senses and gently reintroduce possibility in a grounded way.

You can listen to it daily or use it alongside the tasks above, especially when you feel blank, stuck, or disconnected from what you want.

I’ll leave the link here so you can return to it as often as you need: 👉

Weekly Check-In

* How many days did you complete your Morning Pages this week? Did you feel tempted to abandon them at any point, and if so, what do you think that was about?

* Did you take your Artist Date this week? What did you choose to do, and how did it feel in your body while you were doing it?

* Did you notice any moments of synchronicity or coincidence this week? If you did, what stood out to you about them?

* Were there any experiences, emotions, or realizations this week that felt significant for your creative recovery? If so, name them without judgment.

You may find that your sense of strength feels a little shaky this week, and that makes sense.

Anytime we start looking honestly at grief, disappointment, loss, or the ways life has redirected us, those themes tend to surface not just intellectually but in real time. Things come up in your body, in your relationships, in your motivation, and in how willing you feel to be seen or to keep going.

That doesn’t mean you’re doing this wrong. It means you’re paying attention.

This week is less about pushing through and more about staying with yourself as you notice what arises. Strength doesn’t always feel bold or confident. Sometimes it looks like choosing not to abandon yourself while things feel unresolved.

Next session, we’ll be exploring Recovering a Sense of Compassion, and I’m looking forward to continuing this work with you.

Feel free to share in the comments or the Substack chat what your Artist Date looked like this week or anything that came up for you.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lotuslaloba.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you Rachael T, Jack, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Week 7 was really about reconnecting with yourself as an artist: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and creatively. The book gives us the topics, but everything we talked about today came from my interpretation and lived experience, especially as a Black woman who understands creativity through intuition, body awareness, and the way we navigate the world.

This week we explored four core themes: Listening, Perfectionism, Risk, and Jealousy. Each one touches a different part of your creative process and highlights where connection gets blocked or reopened.

The After-Party Notes go deeper into how to take aligned risks, how to work with jealousy without shaming yourself, and how to rebuild trust between your creative self and the guidance that’s trying to come through.

The Dark Divines is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my art, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

✨ Key Themes

1. Listening

For me, this section is about changing your perspective on who you are in your creative process and who you believe you’re partnering with — God, Source, your ancestors, your intuition, whatever language feels real to you.

Listening requires two things:

* Detoxing the mind (Morning Pages)

* Feeding the body beauty and slowness (Artist Dates)

You need both because the mind-body connection is what allows you to be fully expressed as an artist. When your mind is cluttered or your body is drained, it’s hard to hear the spiritual insights and nudges that are meant for you.

One thing that really stood out to us:All art waits for you.

Once you understand that the art is already complete spiritually and you’re just expressing it, the pressure drops. You don’t have to “earn” being an artist or force something magical to happen. Your job is to show up, stay open, and let your gifts translate what already exists.This shift alone brings a lot of relief.

2. Perfectionism

We talked about how perfectionism gets framed as something “positive,” when in reality it holds your creativity hostage.

Perfectionism doesn’t make you better.It just keeps you stuck.

It directs your energy toward everything you think is wrong with you or your work, and it delays you from actually creating. It’s not excellence. It’s fear. And it keeps you from feeling satisfied, proud, or connected to your art.

The goal is not to perfect the work — it’s to express it.

3. Risk

Taking risks is necessary if you want to fully express yourself creatively. That doesn’t mean you jump off an emotional cliff. It means you stop waiting for things to feel completely safe, easy, or guaranteed before you make a move.

In the live, I shared where I disagree with the book on this.For Black women and for anyone who is trauma-informed, risk has a different meaning.

Safety is not optional.We can’t bypass that.

To me, risk means stretching in a way that supports who you are, not traumatizes you. It’s trying something new without attaching shame or pressure to the outcome. It’s letting yourself expand even when the voice in your head wants you to shrink.

4. Jealousy

This section was about reframing jealousy as information instead of something you should feel embarrassed about.

Jealousy shows you where desire is being blocked or denied.It’s not about the other person.It’s about what you’re not giving yourself.

When you feel jealous, the invitation is:“How can I give myself what I’m longing for?”

That’s how jealousy becomes joy.That’s how you reconnect with your creative energy instead of suppressing it.

💡 Main Activity: The Jealousy Map

A simple three-column exercise:

* Name the person you feel jealous of.

* Name why. Be specific.

* Write one action you can take that moves you toward what you want.

This works because it turns an emotional reaction into a practical next step.

🧭 Bonus Exercise: Archeology

This exercise helps you uncover parts of your artist child that may have been overlooked or unsupported growing up. It’s a deeper self-awareness practice.

Complete:

* As a kid, I missed a chance to…

* As a kid, I lacked…

* As a kid, I could have used more…

* As a kid, I dreamed of being…

* As a kid, I wanted a…

* In my house, we never had enough…

* As a kid, I needed more…

* I’m sorry that I will never again see…

* For years, I’ve missed and wondered about…

* I beat myself up about the loss of…

Then take inventory of what’s positive and present in your life now:

* I have a loyal friend in…

* One thing I like about my town is…

* I think I have nice…

* Morning Pages have shown me I can…

* I’m taking a greater interest in…

* I believe I’m getting better at…

* My artist has started to pay more attention to…

* My self-care is…

* I feel more…

* Possibly my creativity is…

Weekly Tasks

* Make this your mantra:“Treating myself like a precious object will make me strong.”

* Give yourself 20 minutes to listen to one side of an album. Doodle if you want.

* Visit a sacred space — whatever that means for you — and let yourself be quiet.

* Make your home smell good (soup, incense, candles, branches, etc.)

* Wear your favorite item of clothing for no reason at all.

* Buy yourself one small, comforting thing (socks, gloves, etc.)

* Make a collage or update your Lotus Life Deck vision board page.Include past, present, future, and anything you’re drawn to.

* List your five favorite films. Notice any patterns.

* Name your favorite topics to read about.See if these show up in your collage.

* Give your collage or Life Deck a place of honor — visible or secret.

🪞 Weekly Check-In

* How many days did you complete your Morning Pages?Did you allow yourself any creative risks or daydreams?

* Did you take your Artist Date?What did you do?How did it feel?

* Did you experience any synchronicities?

* Any other breakthroughs, challenges, or shifts?

If there’s one thing to take from this week, it’s the reminder that the art already exists. You’re not forcing anything or trying to manufacture ideas. As artists, our work is to stay open enough — mentally, emotionally, and energetically — to hear what’s already there and express it in the way only we can. So if something came up for you this week, pay attention to it. Sit with it. That’s part of your process. And remember: you’re not “behind” in anything. You’re learning how to reconnect with what’s been waiting for you the whole time.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lotuslaloba.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you Rachael T, Myesha, Tori Rerick, Sea, and many others for tuning into my live video! I truly love & appreciate getting to spend our Sundays together like this!! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Before we got into this week’s lesson, I shared a few books that have helped me personally rewire my understanding of money and let go of scarcity conditioning. If you’re ready to soften your relationship with money, expand your capacity to receive, or simply stop feeling weird about wanting more — these are worth exploring:

* The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel can be a bit triggering since it’s written from a white male lens, but there are real gems about emotion, behavior, and decision-making hidden in there.

* Soul Currency by Ernest D. Chu a deeper, spiritual approach to seeing money as energy rather than just transaction.

* Think and Grow Rich: A Black Choice by Dennis Kimbro dense but powerful if you can get through it.

* Tapping Into Wealth by Margaret Lynch Raniere my go-to for using EFT to release the emotional discomfort that often hides behind “money mindset” talk.

* Get Rich, Lucky B***h by Denise Duffield-Thomas chaotic, whimsical, and fun great if you want to manifest abundance with humor and ease.

* We Should All Be Millionaires by Rachel Rodgers an absolute must-read for Black women. The audiobook hits different because Rachel’s personality shines through, and her YouTube channel is equally brilliant.

Each of these books invites you to reframe money not as a moral test or measure of worth, but as a living current you can consciously partner with. And as always, if you decide to buy any of them, please support a Black-owned or local bookstore when you can. If that’s not possible, you can also use my Amazon Bookstore, where a percentage of proceeds go toward Black-led causes I love and support.

This week, we explored what it really means to live from abundance, not just as a number in your account, but a way of relating to life itself. Abundance begins in how we see, receive, and respond to what’s already here. If you’d like to go deeper, the After-Party Notes share my personal abundance ritual — the one I use to rewire my relationship with money, release old poverty patterns, and open my energy to receive more. You’ll also find this week’s EFT tapping flow and a breakdown of how the brain can be gently retrained to see abundance as safe, natural, and yours.

The Dark Divines is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my art, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

✨ Key Themes

1. The Great Creator

We talked about rebuilding our relationship with Source or whatever name you call that divine creative force. This week was about checking in: is the God you believe in supportive, or restrictive? Do you see your Creator as a collaborator or as a critic? Sometimes the block around abundance isn’t financial; it’s spiritual. When you believe you have to earn love, success, or divine favor, receiving becomes hard.

2. Redefining Luxury

Luxury isn’t something you wait to deserve, it’s something you decide to allow. We talked about expanding the definition of luxury beyond material things and recognizing it in your daily rituals. Maybe it’s buying fresh strawberries every week, or maybe it’s that long bath after a long day. The goal is to feed your inner artist through beauty and small pleasures.

In the After-Party notes, I share ways to reframe your beliefs so you feel safe creating with a Source that actually wants you to thrive. And I break down how to use micro-luxuries as a creative recharging ritual.

💡 Main Activity: The Counting Exercise

Our main practice was the Counting Exercise is a simple way to track how we spend our money and energy for seven days. It’s not about shame; it’s about clarity. At the end of the week, review your spending and notice where your energy truly flows. I personally use Rocket Money because I love the visuals, but you can also scroll through your bank app or receipts on Sunday. Seeing your patterns helps you redirect your resources toward what actually nourishes you.

💸 Bonus Exercise: Money Madness

This journaling exercise reveals hidden beliefs about money. Complete these prompts quickly without censoring yourself.

People with money are…

Money makes people…

I’d have money if…

My dad thought money was…

My mom always thought money was…

The money in my family caused…

If I had more money, I’d…

If I could afford it, I’d…

If I had some money, I’d…

I’m afraid that if I had money, I wouldn’t…

Money is…

Money causes…

Having money is not…

In order to have more money, I need to…

When I have money, I use it to…

I think money is…

If I weren’t so cheap, I’d…

People think money is…

Being broke tells me…

Take your time with these. Notice what answers feel tight or emotional, that’s where your old programming is ready to shift.

🌼 Weekly Tasks

Natural Abundance

* Find five pretty or interesting rocks as daily reminders of your creative consciousness.

* Take photos of five flowers or leaves instead of picking them — capture their energy without harm, and maybe use them as your screensaver or phone background.

Clearing

* Release or donate five items of clothing that no longer align with who you’re becoming.

Creation

* Bake or cook something new this week. Creativity often starts in the kitchen before it reaches the canvas.

Communication

* Send postcards, texts, or small notes to five friends. Connection keeps creative energy flowing.

Reflection & Favorites

* List your favorites in these categories: car, dogs, flowers, trees, fruits, vegetables, desserts, entrees, colors. If you’re using your Lotus Life Deck, add these to your Lifestyle or Self-Expression pages to keep your energy current.

Clearing (Home & Energy)

* Make small changes in your home - rearrange, refresh, or redecorate something to invite new flow.

Acceptance & Prosperity

* Say yes to freebies and small gifts this week. Practice receiving without guilt.

* Reflect on any shifts in your financial situation or new ideas for abundance. Gather visuals for your Lotus Life Deck, what does prosperity look like to you?

Weekly Check-In

* How many days did you complete your Morning Pages (or documentation practice)? How did it feel?

* Did you take yourself on an Artist Date? What did you do?

* What did your counting exercise reveal about how you engage with money or abundance?

* Where did you experience moments of luxury or gratitude this week?

* Were there any other breakthroughs, synchronicities, or challenges worth noting?

I adore you and cant wait to connect in a upcoming live soon!!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lotuslaloba.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

This week, we stepped into: Recovering a Sense of Possibility You don’t need to own the book to follow along. I’m reading and curating each chapter for us, editing it so it fits our language, our experiences, and our community. If you do want to dive deeper, I still recommend supporting a Black-owned or local bookstore.

If you’d like to go deeper this week especially with the EFT tapping flow we used to release the virtue trap and realign with our Source connection — you can upgrade to a paid membership and access the full After-Party Notes. The written tapping sequence will help you move through it on your own time.

The Dark Divines is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my art consider becoming a paid subscriber.

Key Themes We Explored

1. Limits

This week we looked at how artists perceive limits & how dangerous that can be when we start believing them.

Limits are one of the biggest illusions that block our creative energy. They keep us trapped in survival mode, where everything feels like a problem instead of a possibility. And that’s what we unpacked together: how to stop seeing life as a list of obstacles to overcome and start remembering that we’re co-creators.

When you believe you’re limited, you start making smaller moves. You edit yourself before you even begin. But creativity is a dialogue with Source & Source doesn’t edit. It expands & wants to move through you with permission & faith.

We talked about how overthinking is often just disguised disbelief. Every time you tell yourself you don’t have enough time, resources, or talent, you’re reinforcing a false boundary. The truth is, limits dissolve when you move when you take that first small, faith-filled action.

The opposite of feeling stuck is feeling sourced. When you’re tapped into that creative current, there are no walls, only directions you haven’t explored yet.

2. The Virtue Trap

This was a big one.

The virtue trap is that sneaky conditioning that tells us being good, nice, or selfless is the highest form of art or womanhood. But it’s actually one of the most effective ways to silence yourself.

We talked about how this “good girl” energy shows up creatively saying yes when you mean no, hiding your bold ideas, or shrinking your dreams to stay likable. The truth is, it’s not virtuous to betray yourself. It’s exhausting.

Being self-first isn’t selfish, it’s sacred. It’s how you stay connected to your Source. When you create from overflow, everyone around you benefits. But when you keep pouring from depletion, resentment, and obligation, your art & your energy starts to dry up.

We used our EFT tapping session to release that pattern. To stop performing niceness and start embodying authenticity. When you let go of the virtue trap, you make space for inspiration again. You remember that your light doesn’t need permission to shine, it just needs alignment.

🌑 In the After-Party Notes, we go deeper into this: how to identify when you’re in the virtue trap, how it shows up as burnout or guilt, and how to reprogram that energy into softness, self-trust, and possibility.

Main Activity: Forbidden Joy + The Wish List

This week’s main exercises are about remembering what it feels like to say yes to yourself again. So many of us are used to self-denial that we don’t even realize how often we tell ourselves “no.” Julia Cameron calls this The Forbidden Joy exercise, and I want you to treat it as a permission slip.

One of the favorite tricks of blocked artists is saying no to themselves. And we get so used to it that it starts to sound normal. We tell ourselves we’re being responsible, mature, or realistic, but really, we’re just cutting off our life force. It’s astonishing how many small ways we find to be mean or miserly with ourselves without even realizing it.

When I say this in class, people usually protest “I am good to myself!” and maybe that’s true on the surface. But when we dig deeper, there are always those quiet places where joy is waiting to be reclaimed.

Exercise One: Forbidden Joy List 10 things you love and would love to do but have quietly decided you’re “not allowed” to do. Don’t overthink it - just write the first things that come up. It could be something small like going dancing again, buying flowers every week, or getting your hair done just because. It could be something bigger like taking a trip, starting a new creative hobby, or changing your environment.

The point isn’t to make another to-do list; it’s to name the things you’ve been withholding from yourself. Sometimes the simple act of acknowledging them begins to dissolve the block.

Once you finish, post your list somewhere visible somewhere you’ll see it every day. Let it remind you that joy isn’t something you earn after working hard enough. It’s something you’re meant to live in.

Exercise Two: The Wish List We followed that with a speed-writing exercise that helps you access your desires before your logical brain has time to interfere. Wishes are allowed to be wild, frivolous, tender, even a little ridiculous. The goal isn’t to justify them, it’s to reconnect with your sense of wonder.

Set a timer for five minutes and write as quickly as you can, finishing these ten phrases:

* I wish…

* I wish…

* I wish…

* I wish…

* I wish…

* I wish…

* I wish…

* I wish…

* I wish…

* I most especially wish…

Don’t edit, explain, or censor yourself. Let the words move faster than your doubt. You might surprise yourself with what shows up when you let your spirit speak freely.

Both of these exercises are invitations to remember that joy, imagination, and possibility are not luxuries they’re necessities. They keep your creative current alive and help you remember that your dreams are not unrealistic; they’re simply waiting for you to stop postponing them.

Tasks

This week’s tasks are all about rebuilding faith not just in Source, but in yourself. They’re small but potent ways to shift from disbelief to divine possibility.

* The reason I can’t believe in a supportive God/Source/Universe is…List five grievances. Be honest, whatever name you use for the divine, this is your space to say what’s real. When we avoid expressing our disappointments with the divine, they turn into quiet disbelief. Let this be a moment of clearing.

* Start an Image File.If I had either faith or money, I would try… (list five desires).For the next week, be alert for images of those desires — clip them, buy them, photograph them, draw them, collect them somehow. Personally, I think this is where your Lotus Life Deck comes in beautifully. Use your abundance page, career page, or the one-sheet wallpaper that blends all your categories into a single digital vision. You can add these images directly into your Canva template so your desires live somewhere you’ll actually see them. Keep adding to it throughout this course.

* List five imaginary lives.Have they changed since you first wrote them? Are you starting to live out pieces of them? You may want to add visuals or notes about these lives to your image file as well.

* If I were 20 and had money…List five adventures.Add images or symbols of each one to your vision file — not for fantasy’s sake, but to remind yourself that youth and freedom are states of mind, not age.

* If I were 65 and had money…List five postponed pleasures.Collect images for those too. It’s powerful to visualize the version of you who didn’t wait to enjoy life.

* Ten ways I am mean to myself are…Just like naming what you want helps call it in, naming how you self-sabotage helps you release it. Make the invisible visible.

* Ten items I’d like to own that I don’t are…You might want to collect images of these too. It’s not about materialism — it’s about allowing yourself to expand what you believe you deserve.

* Honestly, my favorite creative block is…Maybe it’s TV, scrolling, rescuing others, or staying “too busy.” Whatever it is, draw or cartoon yourself doing it — not to shame yourself, but to meet it with humor and awareness.

* My payoff for staying blocked is…Explore this in your Morning Pages. Every block has a payoff — usually comfort, control, or avoidance of risk. Awareness is the first step toward release.

* The person I blame for being blocked is…Write it down and take it to the page. Let your journal be a space for truth, not judgment.

Week Five Check-In

* How many days did you complete your Morning Pages (or documentation practice)? How did it feel? Are you starting to notice your personal “page and a half of truth” moment — that point in your writing where the noise quiets and something honest begins to speak?

* Did you take yourself on an Artist Date? What did you do? How did it feel? Have you taken one yet that felt truly adventurous or out of your norm?

* Did you experience any synchronicities this week? What were they? Share them in the comments so we can build a collective thread of possibility together.

* Were there any other issues or breakthroughs this week that feel significant to your creative recovery?

We’re officially halfway through The Artist’s Way journey six weeks in, six to go. Next week, we move into Recovering a Sense of Abundance, where we’ll explore the energy of receiving, circulation, and creative flow through wealth. You made it halfway through the 12 weeks, and that deserves to be celebrated. Do something this week that feels like a reward, and let me know in the chat what you choose.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lotuslaloba.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you Sierra Jeter, Jack, Sea, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

This week, we stepped into: Recovering a Sense of Integrity

** you do not need to own the book to follow along. I’m reading and curating each chapter for us, editing it so it fits our language, our experiences, and our community. If you do want to dive deeper, I still recommend supporting a Black-owned or local bookstore.**

If you’d like to go deeper this week - especially with the EFT tapping script we used to explore being honest with ourselves and releasing the need to over-consume or hold onto what’s outdated - you can upgrade to a paid membership and access the full After-Party Notes. The written tapping flow will help you move through it on your own time.

The Dark Divines is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my art, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

Key Theme We Explored

1. Honest Changes

This week was all about being honest with yourself, no performance, no pretending, no filters. Integrity starts when you stop performing wellness and start documenting your truth. Morning Pages came up again because they keep you grounded in your voice. But like I said in class, this isn’t just about writing - it’s about documentation. Even if you’re not writing every morning (though that’s the preferred method), there are other ways to process your life. Some of us think better out loud. Some of us need to see it or feel it.

Voice note, voice note, voice note. If you can’t write, record yourself. If you have an iPhone, you can even get those notes transcribed. I’m sure Androids have something similar. Or you can make a quick video diary - five to ten minutes of you talking through whatever’s on your mind and saving that just for you. The point is to document your life. Because when you have a safe space to tell the truth, you can come back to it later and witness yourself—what you were thinking, how you were feeling, and what you realized. That’s how real reflection happens.

What we talked about is how there’s a difference between personal feelings and public feelings.* Public feelings are filtered through survival - through bias, fear, culture, expectations.* Personal feelings are raw and unedited. They tell the truth before your mind tries to clean it up.

Most people are walking around living from their public feelings and that’s why so many struggle with integrity. They’re disconnected from what they actually feel. Documentation brings that honesty back.

Being honest with yourself keeps you authentic - yessss, that word gets overused, but it’s real. It reminds you that you’re your own original source. When you document your truth, you don’t fall into comparison or imposter syndrome. You stop copying what inspires you and start creating from that inspiration. That’s the shift from competition to collaboration, from insecurity to expansion.

🌑 In the After-Party Notes, we go deeper into this - how imposter syndrome and copycat energy actually show up in creative spaces, and how to transmute both into clarity and collaboration instead of self-doubt.

Main Activity: Buried Dreams

The goal is to remind your creative self what actually sounds fun right now, not what looks impressive.

Do this:

* List five hobbies that sound fun.

* List five classes that sound fun.

* List five things you personally would never do that sound fun.

* List five skills that would be fun to learn.

* List five things you used to enjoy doing.

* List five silly things you’d like to try once.

Five minutes per list max, stop overthinking and let your curiosity lead you somewhere joyful.

Reading Deprivation + Social Media Detox

This week is all about under-consuming. We’re so used to taking in information all day — reading, scrolling, watching, saving, that most of us don’t realize how much energy that drains.

The goal isn’t to deprive yourself. It’s to see how often you reach for outside voices instead of sitting with your own. When you stop flooding your brain with input, you create space to actually think, to listen, to imagine.

I invited everyone in class to treat this like a creative fast. No pressure, no perfection just awareness. When you catch yourself reaching for your phone, ask: what am I avoiding right now? That’s the real practice.

All that energy you’d usually spend consuming can be redirected toward creating, reflecting, or simply resting. You don’t need to fill every quiet moment. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is let your own voice get loud again.

Tasks

* Environment Describe your ideal environment. Go through old magazines or use Canva to create a digital board of environments that feel good to you. If you have the Lotus Life Deck template, this connects directly to the Home section — go update that if you haven’t already.

* Time Travel (Future You) Describe yourself at 80 years old. What did you do after 50 that you really enjoyed? Be specific. Now write a letter from your 80-year-old self to your current self. What would they tell you? What interests would they urge you to pursue? What dreams would they encourage?

* Time Travel (Child You) Remember yourself at eight years old. What did you love doing back then? What were your favorite things? Write a letter from that version of you to who you are now. What would they remind you of?

* Environment 2 Look at your home. Is there any corner or room you could turn into a private space just for you? This isn’t an office — this is a dream area. Decorate it for fun. Let it feel sacred, creative, and soft.

* Life Pie Check-In Go back to your Life Pie from Week One and review your growth. Has anything shifted? Are you more expressive, more flexible, more active? Don’t rush it. Growth needs time to settle in.

* Artist Prayer Write your own Artist Prayer and use it daily for one week. Let it sound like you, no rules, just intention. I’ve left mine below.

* Extended Artist Date Plan a mini-vacation for yourself - one weekend day dedicated fully to you. Put it on the calendar and follow through.

* Closet Clean-Out Open your closet and remove anything that carries low-self-worth energy. Donate or discard what doesn’t match who you’re becoming.

* Self-Inquiry Look at one situation in your life that you know needs to change but hasn’t yet. Ask yourself: What’s the payoff for staying stuck? Be honest, that awareness is the doorway to movement.

* Reading Deprivation Reflection If you broke your reading or social-media fast, write about it. Did it happen as a tantrum, a slip-up, a binge? How do you feel about it, and why?

MY PERSONAL ARTIST PRAYER

I am prepared to be a vessel of your love and creativity. May my heart echo beauty, embracing new ideas on the canvas of my life. Center me in a divine awareness that my life itself is art, and I am living art too. I trust your guidance and timing, understanding that creativity is your gift within me.

Dear Ancestors, weave belief in my soul, let me be a living legacy, filled with the spirit of the most honorable and creative among you. Through your guidance, protection and support, may my creations add beauty to the world. Help me love and inspire others, fortifying our faith and abundance.

God, guide my heart and hands to create expressions of beauty reflecting your love. Soothe any fear and transform failure into unwavering faith. Lead me to places and people who deeply appreciate the healing in my creations. May every energy exchange be easy and may I be paid extremely well for my creativity. Let art overflow into every part of my life, reflecting the boldness of my spirit.

May my voice and genius provide a safe space and medicine for those who interact with me. Let gratitude be my new baseline, shaping how I move throughout every part of my day. Keep me connected to wonder, inspired and compassionate toward every version of myself. Grant me clarity and fortitude to live out every idea and desire in my heart. May patience and confidence guide the continual blossoming of my creativity - reminding me of my power to unfold like a Lotus flower. In every moment, remind me to be grateful for opportunities, collaboration, new ideas, and growth. I thank you in advance for the expected and unexpected blessings, miracles & other divine experiences on the way.

Ase.

Week Four Check-In

These are the same questions we use each week to stay grounded:

* How many days did you complete your Morning Pages (or documentation practice)? How did it feel?

* Did you take yourself on an Artist Date? What did you do?

* Did any synchronicities or insights show up this week?

* Any new awareness around your sense of integrity, honesty, or alignment with your art?

I love you & thank you for celebrating my birthday with me!! I will be celebrating all scorpio szn long!!!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lotuslaloba.substack.com/subscribe