This Is Me explores the most stripped-down, authentic and unapologetic version of ourselves. It’s a space for women to tell their stories and connect over shared experiences. From the routine pressures of everyday life to the profound struggles only women face, Heather Stark opens up the space for women to have candid conversations in a judgement-free zone.
In today's episode, I am talking to Alani Bankhead. Alani knows something about feminism because she has spent the last 20 years as a woman in a predominantly male profession, hunting spies, terrorists, and child sex traffickers. She was even assigned to be the senior bodyguard to a top Pentagon official. She understands how to level the inequity of the job force and how to use her femininity as her superpower.
Alani is a public speaker and life coach who helps people overcome imposter syndrome, something many women struggle with and empowers her clients to live their best lives. Friends, Alani is one of humanity's biggest cheerleaders. It was an absolute joy speaking with her!
Today, I am talking to the former Chair of New Zealand's Labour Women's Caucus, Sarah Pallett. Sarah reached out to me after she read an article I published in the HuffPost. When she introduced herself, I almost fell out of my chair.
I had read about Sarah, I knew her name, and I knew she served under New Zealand's former Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern. This was one hell of a feminist, and she was writing to me! How could I not ask her to be on the podcast?
This powerhouse of a woman and politician knows her stuff. She is one massive dose of joy and wisdom. Together, we talk about some common sense feminism. Specifically we discuss:
Sarah made me laugh and think deeply at the same. This is the mark of a wise leader and teacher. This convo will stay in my heart for a long time!
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Today, I am talking to the former Chair of New Zealand's Labour Women's Caucus, Sarah Pallett. Sarah reached out to me after she read an article I published in the HuffPost. When she introduced herself, I almost fell out of my chair.
I had read about Sarah, I knew her name, and I knew she served under New Zealand's former Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern. This was one hell of a feminist, and she was writing to me! How could I not ask her to be on the podcast?
This powerhouse of a woman and politician knows her stuff. She is one massive dose of joy and wisdom. Together, we talk about some common sense feminism. Specifically we discuss:
Sarah made me laugh and think deeply at the same. This is the mark of a wise leader and teacher. This convo will stay in my heart for a long time!
In this episode, I am talking to Samantha Martin, founder of the Femmish organization. Samanatha uses research to bring awareness around femme phobia- the systematic devaluing of femininity that people engage in when they police feminine qualities in others. This is an excellent conversation about how the world looks down on most things feminine and refuses to allow people assigned male at birth to embrace anything feminine but yet expects women to embrace femininity only to use it as a launching point of degradation.
We discuss:
The Femish Organization
The double standard of femininity vs. masculinity
Trusting other people's experiences
The devaluing of feminine professions
Toys from the Pink aisle
The value of research
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Yes, October and Spooks have passed, but this conversation was too good to not visit again!
Oh Friends,
This episode is a good one. It conjures up women dancing around bonfires, chanting, mixing positions, invoking curses and being gagged, bound, and hung.
The Salem Witch Trials.
I wanted to include this topic on Stark Conversations because this is the apex of women being accused of nothing more than being women.
Because there was no chanting, no curses cast, no brooms ridden. Instead, what we find are just people. Every day community members using their voices when wronged, dressing for themselves instead of society, breaking stereotypes, and challenging religious oppression. All topics that feminism embodies. All topics women are judged for in 2023.
The lessons we glean from the trials still resonate today. What are we actually doing when we judge others? Deem them as “weak souls,” decide they need Christianity and force testimony and religious doctrine on them? What damage are we inflicting when we make graceless assumptions instead of loving inquiries?
Although the Salem Witch Trials happened over 400 years ago, it feels as though humanity has only taken 10 steps forward. We are still judging women, dictating what they should and should not wear, demanding they yield to their husbands, telling them they are the “lesser” and “weaker” partner, and still telling them they are too much, too loud, and overreacting.
Listen to my conversation with the energetic Dr. Wendy Lucas, Salem Witch Trial Extraordinaire, as she talks with me about this time in history. She answers all my questions and then some. We laugh in utter disbelief and empathize with those who were gaslit into believing they could be the devilish witch their neighbors accuse them of being. But most of all, we discuss the wisdom we can take from this confusing and painful time and use it to give humanity advocacy, equity, and healing.
Specifically, Dr. Lucas explains:
What circumstances led to accusations of witchcraft.
Why women were viewed as a necessary evil.
If the afflicted girls were really having convulsions.
The reasons why people, specifically women, were accused of witchcraft.
Why gender roles and societal expectations are so crucial to Puritans.
Moral Stewardship and how quickly it can get out of hand.
The idea of a feminine soul
How the trials ended.
What amends were made to the accused?
What lessons can we learn from this time in history?
Friends, I promise this is a good one. As always, if you enjoy it, please leave a review!
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Trigger warning: Sexual and gender based violence
Today, I am discussing a recent paper published by Dr. Treena Orchard that explores the subjectivity of safety on one college campus. According to Dr. Orchard's research: 20 to 43% of women and 3 to 29% of men attending American universities have been sexually victimized. In some Canadian provinces, as many as 63% of female students have experienced sexual harassment.
Our conversation centers on:
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Today, on Stark Conversations, I discuss the devaluing of girls and women in the legal system with Jennifer Toon, the Project Director for Lioness Justice Impacted Women’s Alliance. A nonprofit led by formerly incarcerated women who envision a society where all women are spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically free from violence and harm in the criminal legal system.
Our conversation focuses on:
The unique issues girls and women face when they enter and exit the legal system.
How investments in intervention prevent acts of survival that many commit that end in incarceration.
Menstruation, White Uniforms and shaming in prisons
Child Birth in Prisons
There is a need for more resources for many women and girls in the legal system compared to men.
The extreme lack of temperature control and ready access to water in the prison system.
If 95-97% of incarcerated people are released, why are we denying them the resources to heal and recover while incarcerated?
Jennifer reminds us that prison is a consequence, not a form of torture designed to dehumanize inmates.
The saving grace of sisterhood with incarcerated women.
Today, I am talking with writer Christine Morrison. After working for Olay and Calvin Klein, Christine has become a writer with a mission and purpose to focus on fashion as it relates to our identity and well-being. She writes that she is "committed to exploring and exposing the grey areas that burden us all in fashion, beauty and wellness. Oft through the lens of aging."
Christine wants to help "consumers be informed, not influenced."
Together, she and I wade through the question of how you embrace beauty culture without losing your soul to it, especially as an aging woman.
Specifically, we discuss:
How to apply a “less is more” philosophy to the beauty industry
The parallels between Botox and fillers with exercise and healthy eating
How Christine stepped out of writing for the beauty industry
Exploring the grey areas and paradoxes of beauty and aging
Has youth preserving measures made us afraid of aging?
The privileges of aging
Fashion as a form of identity
How to get your soul back if you sold it to the beauty industry
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Hello Friends,
Trigger warning: this episode is about sexual harassment.
This episode is a two-parter and a bit different than the others. This is just me talking about an incident of sexual harassment that occurred not too long ago that has left me with many thoughts, revelations, and emotions. Although I am still working through some issues, I wanted to discuss it now.
In this episode, I share what happened, how I felt, how traumatic feelings have affected my brain and body, and how I am attempting to recover and reclaim. This episode is a rough edit. I left it raw because this is what it feels like to be harassed, and our society has trained those who identify as women to swallow it, play it off, or ignore it. There isn't that much empathy for the victim. People must understand how sexual harassment hurts. It is one of the many reasons we need feminism. Thanks for listening.
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Hello Friends,
Today I am re-releasing three conversations that I had two years ago with my daughter, Izzy. We recorded these conversations as a mini-podcast and released them on the Instagram account for my business Grace & Grit. However, I thought they were timely for this podcast.
While attempting to raise a strong, confident daughter, I wanted to know three things from Z:
I think these conversations are important as we raise the next generation of feminists. When we can cross generational lines we become stronger advocates for one another. These talks keep us wise and grounded as we further the reach of feminism.
Parents of littles, there will come a time when you look at your kids and think, who is this inspiring adult? How did I get so lucky? This convo is an example of how Z impresses me. I love the way she calls me to the carpet. These are important moments in the relationships of parent and child.
As you listen, these conversations were released individually, please keep in mind these separate convos have been edited together for Stark Conversations.
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