Patrick and Ross fire up the mics late at night for a looser, spicier edition of the pod. They riff on everything from their daughter’s new kindergarten routines (homework packets already?!) to class, fashion, and political hypocrisy. The conversation veers into ADHD, social media overload, MAGA neighbors, and how billionaires bunker down while the rest of us just try to live.

Ross spills insider fashion-world tea (Alexander Wang, Dolce & Gabbana, and Kristen Chenoweth catching strays), while Patrick recalls the moment he realized in fourth grade that his sneakers weren’t cool enough — a childhood origin story for his comedy instincts.

Amid the chaos, there are sweet moments too: gratitude for family cuddles, their daughter’s love of home, and Ross’s reflections on the value of her caregiving work. Expect tangents, rants, laughs, and that classic “after dark” energy.

🎤 Upcoming: Patrick performs at The Stress Factory in NJ this weekend, opening for Ian Fidance.

👉 Follow Patrick and Ross on socials: @itspatrickholbert & @itsrosserinmartineau — and check out Patrick’s site patrickholbert.com

Podcast Title: We Hired a Sitter For This

🎙️ With Ross Erin Martineau away this week, Patrick Holbert takes the mic solo — juggling comedy career updates, family life, and mental health check-ins all in one episode.

🎭 Patrick’s got a packed schedule:

• Sept 11 – Grisly Pair (West Village, midnight show)

• Sept 12–13 – Providence Comedy Connection featuring for Ian Fidance

• Next weekend (Thurs–Sat) – Stress Factory New Jersey with Ian Fidance

📺 On the road, Patrick and Ian are also shooting episodes for a new “silly Dirty Jobs-style” travel show while Patrick leans into YouTube growth with consistent podcast uploads.

💸 Offstage, he opens up about the financial whiplash of inconsistent income, feeling disconnected from the NYC comedy scene, and a Sunday depression episode that tested family dynamics. He’s back at meetings, revisiting Raymond Chandler novels, and even carrying a “magical crystal” to stay grounded.

🎬 Rounding things out, Patrick shares film takes: Friendship, Sicario, and a defense of Reptile — where he enjoyed Justin Timberlake playing against type.

👉 Follow Patrick at @itspatrickholbert, check out dates and content at www.patrickholbert.com, and don’t miss the Patreon for bonus comedy and yoga extras.

On We Hired a Sitter For This, Ross Erin Martineau (doula) and Patrick Holbert (comedian/dad) dig into financial anxiety, summer camp costs, and why Patrick wrote “Vision without solvency is delusion” in his morning pages. A scrapped camping trip led to a Governor’s Island adventure filled with chaotic meals, a $40 surrey bike mishap, and Fran’s big leap into kindergarten.

🎙️ Show Summary: WE HIRED A SITTER FOR THIS Episode 203 “Eat. Pray. Dude.”

Patrick Holbert and Ross Erin Martineau reflect on the growing pains of their podcast, including low YouTube numbers (just 30 views last week) and shifting focus from couple talk to parenting content. They dive into the hellscape of social media moderation, noting Instagram’s tendency to flag pro-immigrant posts, and touch on troubling global politics like North Korea cozying up to Russia.

Patrick recounts awkward confrontations at Enterprise (with poor Wally, the rental car manager) and at a HOKA store over shoe prices, while Ross ties these moments back to patterns of impatience inherited from family. Listener feedback about the podcast’s pacing sparks an honest conversation about the show’s evolution.

The free version ends here, but Patreon subscribers can hear the rest — including Ross’s inside story about a Brooklyn yoga studio that veers into cult-like territory. For just $2/month, you get bonus episodes and exclusive deep dives.

✨ Follow your hosts on social media & YouTube:
Patrick Holbert
@itspatrickholbert
www.patrickholbert.com

Ross Erin Martineau
@itsrosserinmartineau

join up with us on patreon to hear the last 15 minutes of this episode. just two bucks a month!

Patrick and Ross reflect on a vacation in Connecticut and the impact of personal experiences on their podcast narrative.
Ross provides insights on the Biggest Loser documentary, critiquing unhealthy weight loss practices and exploitation tactics in reality TV.
Patrick expresses remorse over previous reality TV production, highlighting the ethical issues faced by participants, especially minors.
Rising rent has led to the closure of beloved local restaurants in Williamsburg, sparking discussions on gentrification and community identity.
A movie theater incident caused by insufficient food intake led Patrick to consume a variety of snacks during the film, illustrating health management challenges.
Discussion on healthcare concerns centers around Gatekeeper insurance plans and potential Medicaid qualification, reflecting on systemic issues in healthcare.
Consideration of relocating to more affordable cities highlights financial pressures and the significance of their current apartment as a financial anchor.
Ross officially transitions to a birth/postpartum doula career, managing anxiety over financial stability and the nature of unpaid labor in the field.
The hosts express satisfaction with their summer experiences, mentioning one last camping trip before the school year begins.
Promotion of exclusive Patreon content, including a yoga class video, fosters community engagement and additional support for the podcast.

Notes
️ Podcast Introduction & Personal Updates (00:00 – 04:14)
Patrick and Ross hosting episode 202 of ‘We Hired a Sitter for this’ podcast, discussing recent activities including a day at a lake/pond in Connecticut with friends.
Ross hasn’t showered in 24 hours after swimming, joking about potential parasites and underwater life in ‘grundle area’.
Family recently returned from 3-week vacation, back home for 5 days as of Wednesday night.
Health & Maintenance Tasks (04:14 – 05:49)
Multiple upcoming appointments needed: Peggy (dog) needs vet checkup, both hosts need dental checkups, Patrick needs annual doctor visit, Fran needs bang trim before school starts.
Patrick interested in working out, went rollerblading twice during vacation and loved it, looking to ‘sweat’ more.
Media Discussion – The Biggest Loser Documentary (05:49 – 14:41)
Ross watched 2-3 episodes of Biggest Loser documentary, describing problematic aspects of the show including extreme dieting and 8-hour workout sessions.
Discussion of unsustainable weight loss methods, with one contestant using diet pills and cleanse in final weeks.
Critique of show’s exploitation and manipulation tactics, including rushed contract signing in limos.
Career Reflections & Reality TV Industry (14:41 – 17:49)
Patrick reflecting on shame regarding past reality TV production work, acknowledging exploitation of participants, especially minors.
Discussion of intelligent people in reality TV industry who could be doing more meaningful work instead of selling products.
️ Date Night & Neighborhood Changes (20:40 – 24:42)
Couple had date night Friday seeing ‘The Naked Gun’ at Williamsburg Cinema, followed by unexpected sushi dinner.
Discovery that longtime Williamsburg restaurants M Shanghai and Bozu have closed due to rising rent, along with Atlas Cafe.
Patrick’s frustration about neighborhood gentrification and loss of local businesses to billionaire real estate interests.
Movie Theater Incident (26:07 – 30:21)
Patrick experienced ‘the shakes’ during movie due to not eating all day, consuming only breakfast at 7:30am and bagel/cereal at 1pm.
Emergency food consumption included meat tube hot dog, small popcorn, Cherry Pepsi, M&Ms, and secretly eaten dark chocolate peanut butter cups.
Health Insurance & Healthcare System (33:12 – 37:38)
Discussion of ‘Gatekeeper’ insurance plan under Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, with Patrick critiquing the dystopian naming.
Current healthcare through One Medical and Tribeca Pediatrics, expressing concern about healthcare consolidation.
Need to purchase new health insurance today, considering whether income might qualify for Medicaid.
Housing & Financial Considerations (37:38 – 39:03)
Brief discussion of potentially moving to cheaper cities like Detroit or Maine, but acknowledging work location constraints.
Recognition that current apartment is their main financial anchor.
Ross’s Career Transition (40:38 – 43:28)
Ross completed certifications and training for new career as birth/postpartum doula, now official and accepting clients.
Discussion with therapist about managing anxiety over new career financial prospects and unpaid labor in the field.
Therapist’s advice to postpone financial worrying until January 1st and focus on meaningful work alignment.
Summer Wrap-up & Future Plans (43:28 – 44:45)
Satisfaction with summer vacation experience, school starting soon.
One more camping trip planned as final summer activity.
Patreon Content (44:45 – 46:08)
Mention of yoga class video available on Patreon, filmed by Patrick with ‘David Lynch’ aesthetic lighting.
Promotion of Patreon subscription for additional content

To hear the full episode, join our patreon! www.patreon.com/wehiredasitter

• Family code for bodily functions developed by Ross’s daughter emphasizes creative family communication and humor.

• Ross completed a three-week working vacation, balancing remote work with quality family time, to improve work-life harmony.
• Franny engaged in hands-on activities like holding a blue macaw, showcasing the educational value of family outings, particularly to the Mystic Aquarium.
• Ross and Heather practiced ‘forest bathing’ and embraced a digital detox, leading to personal reflections on guilt versus mental health needs.
• Completion of postpartum doula certification during the vacation supports Ross’s career transition and aligns with insurance benefit requirements.
• New client introduction anticipated with a focus on screening for compatible family dynamics and avoiding micromanagement issues.
• Ross’s service philosophy combines breathwork and yoga to support postpartum mental health, offering reassurance to new parents through presence during sessions.
• Rollerblading in local parks gives Patrick physical activity while highlighting public libraries as supportive community resources.
• Franny’s interest in marine biology sparked by family experiences during vacation, including turtle spotting, promotes exploration of her emerging passions.

• Discussed need to legitimately schedule podcast recording in calendar instead of spontaneous 9:30 PM sessions
• Received critique from Caleb Heron’s podcast featuring Ziwe, who criticized podcasts for talking too much about podcasting itself
• Acknowledged feedback about discussing the act of podcasting excessively rather than diving deeper into topics

‍‍ Family Terminology & Vacation Context (04:01 – 09:51)

• Established family numbering system for bodily functions: number one (urination), number two (defecation), number three (diarrhea) – created by 5-year-old daughter
• Currently driving back to Brooklyn from Connecticut after leaving daughter Franny with grandparents for two days, will pick her up Saturday
• Completed three-week working vacation: Connecticut → Maine (one week) → Connecticut, with remote work throughout

Maine Vacation Activities & Experiences (11:26 – 20:21)

• Patrick took Franny to Mystic Aquarium and Mystic Village where she held an 18-year-old blue macaw named Mickey owned by elderly man who frequents the area
• Macaw details: intelligence of 8-year-old, 50-100 year lifespan, won’t speak in public but talks at home, nine tail feathers
• Visited aquarium exhibits, particularly impressed by jellyfish displays described as ‘from another planet’

Nature & Wellness Activities (23:27 – 27:00)

• Ross and Heather engaged in extensive ‘forest bathing’ and nature activities, including nude afternoon sessions
• Ross experienced nervous system reset from unplugging from social media and news consumption during vacation
• Struggled with guilt over disconnecting from world events, particularly genocide coverage, while acknowledging need for breaks

Professional Development (28:45 – 32:12)

• Ross completed postpartum doula certification during vacation, fast-tracking requirements for insurance benefit compatibility
• Now receiving multiple client introductions and interviews, representing years-long career transition goal
• Established client screening criteria at age 42, rejecting micromanaging Type A personalities and families requiring childcare for older children

‍️ Service Philosophy & Approach (36:53 – 38:31)

• Ross offers guided breathwork, meditation, and restorative yoga to postpartum clients to address anxiety and mental overload
• Differentiates between postpartum physical embodiment and subsequent mental overwhelm of new parent responsibilities
• Provides grounding presence by holding baby during meditation sessions, reassuring parents of safety

‍️ Physical Activities & Local Amenities (40:02 – 43:00)

• Ross went rollerblading twice during vacation, using library loop with nature path including hills and curves
• Praised public libraries as reliable institutions with clean facilities, master’s degree staff, and workspace access
• Family spotted turtles during post-rollerblade walk, reinforcing Franny’s potential marine biology interests

• Celebrated recording of Episode 200 of “We Hired a Sitter for This,” highlighting milestone achievements in active podcast engagement since launch.

• Recorded Episode 199, described as a ‘fragmented mess,’ due to a delay, with plans to include a newly recorded intro to enhance the narrative.
• Current recording location in Maine emphasizes privacy and personal safety, specifically at friends’ home, which reflects a strategic choice for content creation.
• Personal challenges discussed include Ross’s stolen phone, recent biking accident, and ongoing health issues affecting the overall podcasting experience.
• Commitment made by Patrick to upload yoga classes for Patreon subscribers, particularly addressing students like Tori, reflecting ongoing content support for dedicated listeners.
• Ross plans to release comedy sets for Patreon, marking a significant step toward developing a full hour of stand-up material aimed for 2026 taping.
• The hosts share a 14-year relationship history, planning to celebrate their upcoming 15-year milestone, underscoring bond continuity amidst personal and professional upheavals.
• Connection to host family’s 20-year friendship highlights the foundation of community and mutual support, influencing personal growth narratives within the podcast themes.
• Family preference for a single child and pet reflects underlying shared life philosophies emphasizing simplicity and focus within their personal lives.
• Noted challenges include differences in health and well-being, bringing personal struggles into the shared space of podcast content, fostering authenticity in storytelling.

• Celebrating Episode 200 of ‘We Hired a Sitter for This’ podcast, recorded on Tuesday, August 5th, 2025
• Episode 199 (Block Island episode) delayed and described as ‘fragmented mess’ – planning to record intro and add time machine element
• Recording location: Maine at Obama family friends’ house for privacy protection

️ Travel & Location Context (02:54 – 10:55)

• Out of New York City for approximately 8-9 days during first week of August, feeling like a month-long absence
• Currently staying with close friends in Maine who have a 10-year-old daughter they’ve watched grow up since infancy
• Daughter Franny attending YMCA summer camp in Brooklyn/Maine, providing childcare relief

Personal Updates & Challenges (02:54 – 23:59)

• Ross’s phone stolen and got hit by car while biking with Franny – described as ‘tough couple weeks’
• Patrick has vasectomy scars from summer 2021 first Maine trip comparison
• Lost one Patreon subscriber (bot suspected) but acknowledging missed episode posting
• Patrick suffering from painful sty in eye, trying tea bag and eye drop treatments
• Ross has pinched nerve in neck from laptop posture issues

Content Creation Commitments (04:18 – 05:54)

• Patrick promising to post yoga classes for Patreon, specifically mentioning Tori as student
• Ross committed to posting comedy sets from recent weekends with Ian for 2026 hour development
• Planning comedy taping in 2026 with goals for Fran’s own room and new car

Relationship & Friendship History (19:34 – 21:03)

• 14 years together as couple, approaching 15-year milestone
• Host family (Heather and husband) together for 20 years, married at wedding that was early couple experience
• Heather is Ross’s college friend, moved to NYC together in 2004-2005, lived in 5-person apartment paying $400-600/month each
• Ross’s sobriety date coincides with Heather’s birthday after hitting bottom night before

Family Dynamics (18:06 – 21:03)

• Both families chose to have only one child and one dog, similar life philosophies
• Ross’s parents together for 50+ years, currently caring for their dog Peggy
• Patrick’s father using their empty Brooklyn apartment while they’re away

• Hosts are traveling ‘troubadours’ and ‘rubber tramps,’ reflecting a unique podcast format inspired by Bob Dylan’s terminology.

• Currently, there are seven Patreon subscribers supporting the podcast, encouraging more audience engagement through patreon.com/wehiredasitter.
• The host shared a personal story about having their phone stolen, hinting at future content but maintaining an optimistic tone.
• It marks the first solo vacation for the hosts in years, allowing for 33 hours of child-free time while staying close to in-laws.
• During the beach exploration on Block Island, three beaches were visited: West Beach (rocky), Mansion Beach (clear water), and Dory Cove Beach (private but rocky).
• Hosts discussed their married life since 2017, emphasizing a sense of family and reflecting on the liberation felt during their beach trip.
• Both hosts, age 44, addressed their physical fitness levels while hiking, expressing satisfaction despite feeling winded.

• Patrick and Ross are co-parenting in NYC, focusing this episode on first aid and safety after a bicycle accident involving Patrick and Franny.
• Franny attends a wilderness summer camp run by their friend Kirsten, with the family opting for bicycle transportation due to NYC traffic.
• The accident occurred after Patrick installed a new front basket on the bicycle, with an Uber passenger opening a car door into their path.
• Franny sustained three clean cuts requiring wound care, prompting Patrick to confront the Uber driver about safety violations.
• Neighbor Troy assisted post-accident, while another Uber driver provided ice water, highlighting community support.
• Patrick felt a mix of anger, shame, and guilt following the incident, and the original Uber driver expressed distress requiring consolation.
• Franny resumed bicycle transportation five days after the accident, indicating a positive recovery and return to routine.
• Patrick now rides at a slower pace, feeling skittish about safety in Brooklyn traffic following the incident.
• Patrick’s recent comedy shows in Dallas received positive feedback, with plans to upload performances on Patreon to engage audiences.
• Personal reflections include childhood injury experiences, contributing to heightened parental fears, with a family vacation planned soon.

• Podcast nearing milestone of 200 episodes, with plans for celebratory content and highlight reels.
• Patrick announced upcoming comedy shows in Dallas (July 18-20) and Hanover (August 23, 2025), increasing audience engagement.
• Ross completed BLS CPR certification, meeting requirements for continuing doula work and enhancing professional qualifications.
• CPR training involved a diverse group, including a nun and nursing students, emphasizing varied participant backgrounds.
• A disruptive participant consumed alcohol during the CPR training, leading to removal for inappropriate behavior and inability to participate.
• Course content included the Heimlich maneuver (renamed abdominal thrusts) and chest compressions, important for lifesaving skills.
• Ross received certification via email after successful completion of open-book test, highlighting effective training methods.
• Technical issues arose from recording in 4K format, resulting in limited storage and a truncated episode.

• Patrick announces upcoming comedy shows: Dallas, Texas (July 18-20) opening for Ian Finance and Hanover, Pennsylvania (August 23, 2025) headlining at Church of Satire
• Podcast has reached episode 197, approaching 200 episodes milestone with plans for celebration content
• Patreon mentioned for bonus content including stand-up sets from Oklahoma City shows

Personal Updates (01:23 – 07:47)

• Ross completed BLS CPR certification through American Heart Association for adult, child, and infant CPR as requirement for doula work
• Child attending summer camp in Brooklyn, allowing parents to record without hiring sitter
• Patrick mentions needing to get to a pool, having not been in water for nearly a week

CPR Training Experience – Main Discussion (09:22 – 16:38)

• Training held at co-working space with diverse group including nun, nursing students, and problematic participant
• Instructor Alba arrived 10 minutes late with two rescue dogs, despite strict punctuality warnings
• Derpy participant described as disruptive individual with blonde beard, gym shorts, claiming to be surgical assistant

Problematic Participant Behavior (18:10 – 32:11)

• Individual openly consumed beer during training, pouring tall boy into Poland Spring bottle
• Became progressively intoxicated throughout session, using excessive profanity in front of nun
• Made inappropriate comments about enjoying using CPR in medical situations
• Eventually removed from class for inability to perform required demonstrations due to intoxication

Training Content & Certification (25:08 – 33:31)

• Course covered Heimlich maneuver (now called abdominal thrusts due to family name removal) and chest compressions
• Open-book test format with advance question review to ensure participant success
• Ross successfully obtained certification via email following completion

Technical & Recording Issues (34:57 – 36:22)

• Phone storage became full due to recording in 4K format
• Episode cut short due to time constraints, with possibility of additional Patreon content

• Edit recorded episode segments together due to interrupted recording (36:22)
• Consider uploading Oklahoma City stand-up sets to Patreon for bonus content (00:00)
• Plan celebration content for upcoming 200th episode milestone (02:56)

Unassigned

• Explore having producer create highlight reel for 200 episodes (02:56)

• Episode 196 of ‘We Hired a Sitter for This’ recorded on July 7, 2025, with hosts reflecting on a successful comedy performance despite a small audience.
• YouTube channel viewership is limited to 17 views, risking a drop to 14 due to early episode cursing.
• Discussed themes in the ‘Ocean Gate’ documentary, highlighting safety negligence in underwater exploration linked to wealthy individuals and current political commentary.
• Patrick reflecting on his 22-year NYC journey as a sober companion, emphasizing the personal significance of the Kosciusko Bridge.
• Current coaching role aids financial stability while aspiring to transition into comedy and filmmaking, with detailed plans for Patreon discussions.
• Bespoke Patreon strategy includes direct outreach to 6 current subscribers and varying content tiers, such as risk story performances and yoga class for remote subscribers.
• Ross actively participates in family responsibilities, involving quarterly toy and clothing donations, facing logistical challenges with drop-off scheduling.
• Nostalgic discussions about past experiences, including reflections on childhood visits to Long Island, enhance personal storytelling throughout the episode.
• Exploration of British reality TV shows sparks conversation about cultural preferences in entertainment.
• Highlighted the need for improved audio equipment knowledge, referencing techniques from LCD Sound System performances.

• Episode 196 of ‘We Hired a Sitter for This’ podcast recorded on Monday, July 7, 2025 at 9:30 PM.
• Host Ross performed comedy at Grizzly Pair for six people and felt successful as a comedian.
• Recording split format with intro together, then separate segments due to scheduling conflicts.
• YouTube channel has limited viewership – 17 views that could drop to 14 with early cursing.
• Audio equipment discussion regarding square microphone technique similar to LCD Sound System performances.

Personal Life & Entertainment (03:01 – 04:27)

• Hosts watched ‘Naked Brits’ dating show on HBO featuring uncensored British participants.
• Discussion of British reality TV preferences, including country home shows and wealth-focused programming.
• Patrick working multiple doula jobs while maintaining podcast schedule.
• Ross mentioned spitting habit of daughter Franny after teeth brushing.

Netflix Ocean Gate Documentary Analysis (05:48 – 07:17)

• Watched Ocean Gate documentary about ‘liquefied billionaires’ and narcissistic wealthy individuals.
• Documentary explores generationally wealthy submarine company owner who caused deaths through poor salesmanship and safety negligence.
• Political commentary connecting documentary themes to current leadership and ‘death cult’ politics.

Patrick’s Early Morning Work Drive (10:30 – 19:46)

• Recording at 5:40 AM on Tuesday, July 8 while driving to Manhattan for client work.
• Working as sober companion/executive functioning coach for 9-10 years, helping clients with emotional disorders and neurodivergence.
• Crossing Kosciusko Bridge triggers 22-year reflection on New York City career journey since May 2003 college graduation.
• Bridge replacement project completed 6-7 years ago, previously was deteriorating brutalist steel structure.
• Nostalgic memories of driving to Long Island to visit ex-girlfriend’s family on weekends.

Career Transition Goals (21:36 – 21:36)

• Current coaching work serves as survival structure to support real passions in comedy and filmmaking.
• Goal to transition out of current work, planning detailed discussion for Patreon subscribers about work specifics.
• Past production assistant experience included overnight tape digitization when physical tapes were required for editing.

Patreon & Content Strategy (08:52 – 24:54)

• Bespoke Patreon approach with individual outreach to 6 current subscribers.
• Risk story performance content planned for $5 tier subscribers.
• Yoga class content offering for subscribers who don’t live in New York City.
• Two-dollar subscription level provides access to full episodes beyond the limited free version.

Family & Household Management (23:22 – 23:22)

• Ross manages quarterly toy and clothing donations, currently bags waiting in car trunk for two weeks.
• Blues Clues watch toy making repeated sounds from donation bags, creating mental distraction during drive.
• Bushwick free store available on Tuesdays for donations, but car scheduling conflict prevents drop-off.

• Record individual podcast segment during 5:30 AM drive to Manhattan (08:52)
• Record segment after teaching yoga class (08:52)
• Create detailed Patreon content explaining work transition specifics (21:36)
• Upload Risk story performance to Patreon for $5 tier subscribers (08:52)

Ross

• Record individual podcast segment when alone (08:52)
• Deliver toy donation bags to Bushwick free store or alternative location (23:22)
• Consider recording yoga class content for Patreon subscribers (08:52)