- 18 minutes 41 secondsI Peed On Myself (And Realized Something Important)
This episode starts with a story about peeing on himself… and somehow turns into a conversation about masculinity, emotional safety, relationships, and rebuilding love after loss.
John records this one off the cuff from a coffee shop in Costa Rica and reflects on the traits he once saw as flaws, the surprising depth that can happen in men’s groups, and a relationship question that’s changing the way he shows up in marriage. He also shares why he believes some relationships need to “die” in order for something more honest to be rebuilt.
In this episode:
• Why impulsiveness and intensity may not be the problem
• The question John asked a men’s group: “How is your heart?”
• How emotional safety changes the way men open up
• Why some long-term relationships stop evolving
• “What I need” vs “what the relationship needs”
• Rebuilding a marriage after loss and change
If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who’s navigating growth, love, or reinvention. Follow the podcast for new episodes every week.
🎙️ More about John:
📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4
John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co
📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE
If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE
Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, HERE
Follow John on Instagram HERE
Find out more about John HERE
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
13 May 2026, 7:00 am - 30 minutes 50 secondsHow to Build Healthy Love After Emotional Wounds
Some relationship patterns aren’t about the present. They’re about wounds your nervous system learned a long time ago.
In this episode, John Kim breaks down some of the most common emotional wounds people carry into relationships, including abandonment, rejection, betrayal, control, emotional deprivation, and loss of self. He explains how these wounds become patterns, why we react instead of respond, and what healing actually looks like in real time.
Key points covered:
• Why wounds are about meaning, not just events
• How childhood experiences shape adult relationship patterns
• The difference between reacting from protection vs truth
• Why people repeat the same emotional cycles in relationships
• How abandonment and rejection wounds show up in everyday moments
• What it means to create a corrective love experience
John also shares personal reflections about rebuilding life after losing his home in the Altadena fires and moving into a new home in Costa Rica.
He mentions his upcoming book, Love Hard on Purpose, and a private WhatsApp group for readers who pre-order the book.
If this episode helped you, share it with someone who needs it and follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, healing, and growth.
🎙️ More about John:
📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4
John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co
📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE
If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE
Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, HERE
Follow John on Instagram HERE
Find out more about John HERE
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
11 May 2026, 7:00 am - 18 minutes 27 secondsTherapy Thursdays: How to know when to stay, repair, or let go
In this Therapy Thursdays episode, we’re answering your questions about dating, attraction, conflict, infidelity, and the messy middle of deciding whether a relationship is worth repairing.
We explore what to look for when you’re dating, how much of your past to share with a partner, and whether physical attraction can grow over time. We also get into the harder questions: why a spouse might become distant after an affair, how to rebuild trust, when to go to couples counseling, and how to know whether conflict is healthy or a sign that something deeper is wrong.
This episode also touches on emotional healing after heartbreak, finding yourself again, staying positive through difficult seasons, and why an ex might still be watching your life from a distance.
Whether you’re dating, rebuilding, questioning, or letting go, this conversation is about learning to listen to yourself, understand the patterns at play, and make choices from clarity instead of fear.
🎙️ More about John:
📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4
📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE
If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE
Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, HERE
Follow John on Instagram HERE
Find out more about John HERE
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
7 May 2026, 10:30 am - 31 minutes 34 secondsWhen Everything Burns Down, You Get to Start Over
In this deeply personal episode, John Kim revisits his story with fresh eyes and new perspective. From divorce and failed screenwriting dreams to becoming a therapist, building a life in Los Angeles, and then losing it all in a fire, he reflects on the defining “act breaks” that reshaped his identity. Now rebuilding in Costa Rica, John explores what it means to live without a blueprint and to design a life rooted in presence, courage, and truth.
Key Points Covered
• The difference between a life “chapter” and an “act break”
• Losing his home in a fire and how it forced radical change
• Letting go of a screenwriting dream and finding purpose as a therapist
• Building the “Angry Therapist” platform through authenticity
• How loss stripped away excuses and created space for reinvention
• Redefining life, success, and home while rebuilding in Costa Rica
If this story resonated with you, make sure to subscribe for more conversations on growth, relationships, and rebuilding your life. Mentions: John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co
🎙️ More about John:
📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4
📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE
If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE
Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, HERE
Follow John on Instagram HERE
Find out more about John HERE
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
6 May 2026, 7:00 am - 18 minutes 57 secondsStop Restoring Your Relationship and Start Updating It
In this episode, John explores why trying to bring a relationship back to what itonce was can quietly hold it back. Instead of restoring the past, he reframes love as something that must evolve alongside the people in it, requiring honesty, effort, and a willingness to grow together.
He breaks down how relationships naturally fall out of alignment over time and why that doesn’t mean they’re broken. Through communication, truth-telling, and emotional capacity, alignment becomes something you build rather than something you either “have” or don’t.
John shares three grounded ways to realign when things feel off, including telling the current truth, updating the relationship instead of restoring it, and focusing on willingness over perfection. The episode also touches on the idea that some relationships need to “die” in order to be rebuilt in a way that actually fits who both people are today.
🎙️ More about John:
📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4
📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE
If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE
Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, HERE
Follow John on Instagram HERE
Find out more about John HERE
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
4 May 2026, 7:00 am - 24 minutes 28 secondsWhen Love Feels Like an Addiction
In this vulnerable solo episode, John Kim explores love and sex addiction through the lens of attachment, emotional regulation, childhood wounds, and relationship ruptures. After a painful conflict with his partner, John reflects on how love can become a way to regulate anxiety, emptiness, and the need to feel wanted or chosen. He unpacks the difference between real love and chasing intensity, and why healing means learning to sit with your own internal state without immediately reaching for someone else to fix it.
🎙️ More about John:📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE
If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE
Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, HERE
Follow John on Instagram HERE
Find out more about John HERE
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
29 April 2026, 7:00 am - 50 minutes 46 secondsAsian Shame, Childhood Trauma, and the Friendships That Heal Us with Sam Louie
What happens when two men in their 50s look back at the childhood pain that shaped them and realize friendship can be medicine?
John rides in the car with therapist, author, and longtime friend Sam Louie for an honest conversation about Asian shame, childhood trauma, masculinity, and healing. Sam shares what it was like immigrating from Hong Kong, growing up in South Seattle, navigating racism and bullying, and living in survival mode from a young age.
Together, John and Sam explore how early pain shaped their nervous systems, relationships, and sense of self. They talk about shame, porn, divorce, therapy, parts work, and the healing power of male friendship.
This is a raw conversation about identity, repair, and what it means to be truly seen.
Connect with Sam https://linktr.ee/AsianShame
More about John:
📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4
📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE
If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE
Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, HERE
Follow John on Instagram HERE
Find out more about John HERE
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
27 April 2026, 7:00 am - 18 minutes 34 secondsTherapy Thursdays | Love, Trust, and Knowing When to Let Go
In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John answers some of the hardest relationship questions people carry quietly: trust after infidelity, emotional disconnection, fading desire, avoidant partners, honesty that hurts, and the pain of knowing when it may be time to let go.
He explores what it really takes to rebuild trust, why emotional depth matters, what can motivate someone to finally do the work, and how to move through guilt, disappointment, and heartbreak without abandoning yourself.
If you have ever felt torn between hope and reality in love, this episode will give you clarity, language, and perspective.
🎙️ More about John:
📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4
📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE
If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE
Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, HERE
Follow John on Instagram HERE
Find out more about John HERE
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
23 April 2026, 7:00 am - 23 minutes 43 secondsTurning 53 Made Me Rethink Truth, Love, and What Really Matters
Turning 53 has John reflecting on what actually matters.
In this birthday episode, he shares five revelations shaped by loss, growth, love, and starting over. From losing his house to finding more meaning, joy, and freedom, this is a deeply personal conversation about accepting the truth, living in alignment, and letting life change you. He talks about why growth often feels like loss before it feels like expansion, why love is something we build and practice, and why starting over is not failure but a skill.
This episode feels like a check-in with yourself. A reminder that what was true for you before may not be true now. That chasing highs will never give you the kind of life alignment can. That love is less about finding the perfect feeling and more about consistency, repair, and honesty. And that no matter your age, you can begin again.
If you’ve been reevaluating your life, grieving an old version of yourself, or wondering whether it’s too late to change course, this episode will meet you there.
In this episode:
- Truth changes your life when you fully accept it
- Why alignment matters more than chasing highs
- Growth often feels like loss before it feels like expansion
- Love is built through consistency, honesty, and repair
- You can start over more times than you think
🎙️ Host Links:
📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4
📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE
If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE
Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, HERE
Follow John on Instagram HERE
Find out more about John HERE
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
22 April 2026, 7:00 am - 48 minutes 32 secondsDating Smarter, Not Harder with Amy Chan
In this episode, John Kim sits down with relationship expert and author Amy Chan to talk about dating patterns, childhood wounds, grief, commitment, and what it really takes to build healthy love.
Amy shares how the sudden loss of a close friend changed the way she thinks about relationships and why creating core memories with the people you love matters more than convenience. John opens up about how losing his home reshaped his idea of freedom, home, and what truly matters. Together, they explore how childhood neglect, validation-seeking, and old survival strategies continue to shape adult dating patterns.
They also break down Amy’s framework for dating smarter, including how to spot where your dating life gets stuck, why apps should not be your only strategy, and how your energy affects connection. They talk about dopamine, fantasy, and why the first three months of dating can be misleading.
Later, they unpack commitment, unrealistic expectations, relationship trade-offs, triggers, repair, and emotional safety. Amy explains her “Sh*t Bucket” concept and why healthy love is not about finding a perfect partner, but choosing someone whose imperfections you can actually live with.
They close with a hopeful reminder: love is hard, but it is still worth building.
In this episode:
(00:00) The real reason your dating life keeps repeating
(00:29) Grief changed how Amy thinks about love
(02:09) John’s life after losing home and redefining freedom
(03:15) Amy Chan on dating smarter and finding lasting love
(05:03) The childhood wounds behind adult relationship patterns
(10:29) The patterns sabotaging your love life
(14:24) People can feel your dating energy
(16:15) Why the first 3 months can fool you
(20:02) Why love only grows when you go all in
(23:30) Social media is warping our expectations of love
(26:34) Every relationship comes with a “Sh*t Bucket”
(28:57) Triggers, conflict, and healing inside relationships
(33:24) What repair actually looks like in healthy love
(37:08) What happens when only one partner wants to grow
(43:14) Why love is hard and still worth itAbout Amy Chan:
Amy Chan is the author of Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love that Lasts — a fun, science-backed dating guide that helps people interrupt the relationship patterns keeping love just out of reach and build healthier, lasting connections.
Dubbed the “scientific Carrie Bradshaw” by The Observer, Amy has been a trusted voice in modern relationships for nearly two decades. In 2016, she founded Renew Breakup Bootcamp, the world’s first heartbreak retreat. She also leads Dating Bootcamp and is on faculty at Esalen and The Omega Institute.
Her first book, Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, was featured in The New York Times and optioned by a major streaming network. Her work has appeared in The Wall Street Journal, Good Morning America, The Today Show, The New Yorker, The Guardian, and USA Today.
Books:
Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love That Lasts (Pre-order) https://amzn.to/48xS01r
Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Hearthttps://amzn.to/3wBZxxi
Websites:
www.UnsingleByAmyChan.com (launching soon)
Connect with Amy:
Instagram Handle: https://www.instagram.com/missamychan
LinkedIn URL: https://www.linkedin.com/in/missamychan/
Tik Tok Handle: https://www.tiktok.com/@missamychan
Twitter Handle: www.twitter.com/missamychan
YouTube Handle: https://www.youtube.com/missamychan
🎙️ Host Links:
📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4
📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE
If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE
Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, HERE
Follow John on Instagram HERE
Find out more about John HERE
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
20 April 2026, 7:00 am - 18 minutes 16 secondsIs your relationship medicine or addiction?
Love can feel intoxicating. The chemistry, the obsession, the constant thinking about someone, the emotional highs and lows. But just because love feels intense does not mean it is healthy.
In this episode, John Kim explores one of the most important relationship questions you can ask yourself: Is your love acting like a drug, or is it becoming medicine?
He breaks down how love can become something you use to regulate your worth, soothe your anxiety, or escape yourself. He also explains how healthy love, while not always comfortable, can become a powerful place for self-awareness, healing, and growth.
John unpacks the difference between addictive love and healing love, why intensity is not always intimacy, and how attachment wounds can disguise themselves as chemistry. He also shares what needs to happen for love to shift from something that destabilizes you to something that helps you become more grounded, honest, and self-connected.
If you have ever confused passion with pain, chased reassurance, or lost yourself trying to hold onto a relationship, this episode will help you look at love more clearly.
A self-check for your relationship
Your internal state
Do I feel anxious more than I feel grounded in this connection or relationship? Do I need reassurance often to feel okay? Do I feel a high when they lean in and a crash when they pull back? Do I think about them more than I feel connected to myself?
Your behavior
Do I change how I show up based on how they are acting?
Do I overgive, overtext, or overexplain when I feel distance?
Do I ignore things that do not feel right to keep the connection?
Do I try to manage how they see me instead of just being myself?Your relationship to discomfort
When I feel triggered, do I reach for them instead of sitting with myself?
Do I avoid conflict to keep things good?
Do I stay longer than I should because of potential?
Do I confuse intimacy with intensity?Your clarity
Do I know where I stand, or am I often guessing?
Am I in love with who they are or who I hope they will become?
Am I choosing them, or am I trying to be chosen?Your identity
Do I feel more like myself in this relationship or less?
Am I proud of how I show up here?
If this ended today, would I feel broken or grounded in myself?Final question
In this relationship, am I trying to feel better, or am I trying to become better?🎙️ Host Links:
📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4
📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE
If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE
Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose, HERE
Follow John on Instagram HERE
Find out more about John HERE
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
15 April 2026, 7:00 am - More Episodes? Get the App