What happens when you stop chasing and start listening?

In this episode, John shares the personal shifts he's working through after moving to Costa Rica. From learning to surf at 52 to redefining success, he reflects on slowing down, letting go of old patterns, and finding joy in the small moments that make life feel more alive.

In this episode:

• Why he's learning to approach surfing as a practice instead of a performance

• The role of detachment in reducing stress and calming the nervous system

• Letting go of FOMO and the pressure to constantly achieve

• Challenging the belief that rest must be earned

• Redefining what "enough" means beyond money, milestones, and validation

• Learning to notice everyday moments of joy, or what he calls “nectar"

John also shares reflections on adjusting to life in Costa Rica, embracing a slower pace, and documenting what he calls his "second rebirth."

If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, share it with someone who needs it, and join us for the next conversation.

🎙️ More about John:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://acesse.one/bioe5v7

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Dating can feel exhausting, especially when every first date seems loaded with pressure, expectations, and endless swiping.

In this episode, John shares five first-date reminders for navigating modern dating with more confidence, curiosity, and intention. He explores why dating often feels transactional today, how expectations can get in the way of connection, and what it looks like to approach dating without turning every encounter into a search for "the one."

In this episode:

• Why John believes dating has become low-effort and transactional

• The importance of planning and showing intention on a first date

• Why "less history, more mystery" can create better conversations

• How expectations can sabotage connection

• Why you're not looking for your soulmate on a first date

• How to handle rejection, disappointment, and bad dates without taking them personally

🎙️ More about John:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://acesse.one/bioe5v7

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Why is it so hard to let go of someone you know isn't right for you?

How do you know when you've healed enough to date again? Can someone truly love you if you don't love themselves? And what do you do when trust is broken?

In this listener Q&A, I answer questions about heartbreak, attachment, self-worth, trust, and what it actually takes to build healthy relationships. We explore why we can stay emotionally attached to an ex even when we know the relationship wasn't right, how toxic relationships can shape our dating patterns, and the difference between seeking connection and avoiding loneliness.

I also share my thoughts on love languages, masculinity, rebuilding trust after betrayal, and one small step you can take today to begin changing your life.

Whether you're trying to move on, wondering if you're ready to date again, or looking to build healthier relationships, I hope this conversation gives you something to reflect on.

🎙️ More about John:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://acesse.one/bioe5v7

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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In this personal episode, John shares a collection of journal entries and reflections on fear, identity, reinvention, love, writing, and what it means to fully live. From losing his home in the Los Angeles fire to building a new life in Costa Rica, he explores the fear of reaching the end of life without ever being fully known or fully becoming who you're meant to be.

In this episode:

• Why fear isn't always a warning and can sometimes be a compass

• The danger of protecting a life you've already outgrown

• What the Los Angeles fire taught John about identity and change

• How love can evolve from a drug into medicine

• Lessons from writing seven books and starting a publishing company

• A surfing experience that changed the way he thinks about deserving success

🎙️ More about John:

📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, John Kim sits down with Brenden Durell to talk about masculinity, vulnerability, Tantra, intimacy, and emotional growth.

Brenden shares his journey from sports into self-discovery and men’s work, exploring how discipline, trust, and presence can create deeper freedom and connection. They also discuss porn, edging, aftercare, therapeutic experiences with MDMA and San Pedro, and the responsibility men have in creating emotional safety in relationships.

In this episode:

• Redefining modern masculinity

• Why vulnerability matters for men

• Tantra, discipline, and personal freedom

• Porn, edging, and sexual health

• Trust, intimacy, and aftercare

• Creating safety in relationships

• Emotional intelligence and men’s work

Connect with Brenden Durell

Website: https://stan.store/brendendurell Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brendendurell/

🎙️ More about John:

📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Don’t protect your heart. Protect your relationship. In this episode, John Kim explores what it really takes to build a relationship that lasts. After heartbreak, loss, and repeating old patterns, many people start doing the inner work and realize that healthy love does not just happen naturally. It has to be built with intention, ownership, and practice. John breaks down the idea of “relationship armor” as the tools and practices that protect the relationship itself. This includes creating a safe space, practicing self-awareness, communicating honestly, loving without dragging the past into the present, and learning how to fight in a healthier way. He also explains why being right can become poison in a relationship, why curiosity creates safety, and why presence, gratitude, space, and having your own life are essential parts of healthy love. In this episode: • Why healthy relationships are built, not found • How to create a safe space in love • The importance of self-awareness and ownership • Why communication builds trust and closeness • How to love without letting your past run the relationship • Why how you fight matters more than how often you fight • How giving up the need to be right creates safety • The role of mindfulness, gratitude, and space in lasting love • Why you need your own life inside a healthy relationship

More about John:

📘Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here. https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/

📘 John’s latest book: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898

📸 Follow John on Instagram: https://instagram.com/theangrytherapist

🌐 Find out more about John Kim: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why does a breakup feel like more than heartbreak?

In this episode, John Kim explores why breakups can feel like a death, and why that experience is rooted in more than emotion alone. Drawing from neuroscience, attachment theory, and years of therapeutic experience, he explains what happens in the brain after a relationship ends and why healing takes time.

John unpacks the hidden losses that often come with heartbreak, from the future we imagined to the identity we built inside a relationship. He also shares why recovery isn't about forgetting someone, but learning to create a new reality without them.

In this episode:

• Why breakups feel physically painful

• The role dopamine and attachment play in heartbreak

• How relationships become part of our emotional regulation system

• The grief of losing a future that never actually happened

• Identity loss after a breakup

• Why healing is really about rewiring

If someone in your life is going through a breakup, share this episode with them. Follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, healing, and personal growth.

🎙️ More about John:

📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, we’re answering listener questions about the messy, tender, and sometimes confusing parts of relationships.

We talk about what it means when someone says “I love you” very early on, how relationships naturally move through different stages, and what to do when the romance starts to fade. We also explore the painful reality of betrayal — including what repair can look like after cheating, and how to know whether your partner is truly respecting the process of rebuilding trust.

This episode also looks at conflict and communication: how to bring up difficult issues with your partner, family, or friends when confrontation feels scary or overwhelming.

In this episode, we cover:

• Whether saying “I love you” after two weeks is genuine love, infatuation, or a possible red flag

• The different stages relationships often go through

• First steps toward repair after infidelity

• What it means when a partner pressures you to accept contact with the person they cheated with

• How to talk about losing the spark in a long-term relationship

• Why romance and effort can fade after the honeymoon phase

• How to approach hard conversations when you hate confrontation

• The difference between healthy communication and avoiding conflict

🎙️ More about John:

📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joy, trauma, grief, healing. What if they’re all connected?

In this conversation, John sits down with Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald to explore what trauma actually does to the nervous system, why joy is more than a fleeting feeling, and how small moments of joy can help us stay grounded through life’s hardest seasons.

They discuss the science behind joy, common misconceptions about trauma, how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, and why healing may require letting go of identities built around suffering. The conversation also touches on grief, psychedelics, nervous system regulation, and finding meaning after loss.

In this episode:

• Why joy can help regulate and rewire the nervous system

• What trauma really does to the body and brain

• How childhood trauma shows up in adult relationships

• The danger of identifying too strongly with your wounds

• Why grief may be more transformative than we realize

• The role of flow states, surfing, and presence in healing

Also mentioned:

• MaryCatherine’s books Unbroken https://www.amazon.com/Unbroken-Trauma-Response-Never-Things-ebook/dp/B0B19CVVNM and The Joy Reset https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Reset-Trauma-Steals-Happiness/dp/0306836262

• Her upcoming K-12 resilience curriculum focused on trauma, stress, and joy

• Her current work exploring grief through writing and poetry

If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, share it with someone who may need it, and leave a review to help others find these conversations.

Follow Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald

Website: https://www.drmcmcdonald.com/

IG: https://www.instagram.com/mc.phd/?hl=en

🎙️ More about John:

📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if the thing you keep chasing isn’t actually better... just more familiar?

In this solo Q&A episode, John Kim reflects on fantasy, gratitude, emotional presence, and the difference between intensity and real love. From surfing in Costa Rica to answering listener questions about confidence, breakups, infidelity, and self-abandonment in relationships, this episode explores what happens when you stop escaping yourself and start paying attention to what’s actually here.

Key points covered:

• Why we romanticize the past and overlook the present

• The difference between intensity and consistency in love

• How healthy relationships create clarity instead of confusion

• What confidence actually comes from

• Signs you may be abandoning yourself in a relationship

• Whether couples can rebuild after infidelity

If this episode helped you, send it to someone who may need to hear it. Follow, rate, and share the podcast to support the show.

🎙️ More about John:

📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

John Kim explores what it really means to “seek nectar” in everyday life and why tiny moments of beauty, awe, and presence might matter more than we think.

In this solo episode, John reflects on life in Costa Rica, nervous system healing, and the difference between surviving and actually feeling alive. He shares how years of stress and hyper vigilance can train us to scan for danger, and how intentionally noticing small moments of joy can slowly rewire the brain toward expansion, connection, and presence.

Key points from this episode:

• Why “stress narrows you and nectar expands you”

• How survival mode becomes a default nervous system state

• The neuroscience behind joy, presence, and neuroplasticity

• What it means to train your body to “expect beauty again”

• Tiny moments that create aliveness, awe, and emotional regulation

• Why healing also means collecting new emotional experiences

John also shares personal reflections on surfing, Costa Rica, creativity, parenthood, relationships, and the small rituals that bring him back to himself.

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need the reminder to seek more nectar in their life.

Follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, healing, and becoming more human.

🎙️ More about John:

📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices