John breaks down why “2x love” keeps people stuck in the same patterns, while “10x love” asks for a total redesign. He talks about self-respect, raising your standards, releasing old blueprints, and building a relationship that feels aligned instead of familiar.

If you’ve been trying to fix love without really changing it, this episode is for you.

Timestamps:

(00:00) Two X Fixes

(00:25) Podcast Intro Abroad

(01:11) The 10X Idea

(02:59) Two X Love Traps

(04:24) Designing 10X Love

(05:41) Why 10X Feels Easier

(06:24) The Fear of Letting Go

(08:05) Rethinking The Blueprint

(11:09) Build A New Container

(13:53) Truth Talks And Wrap Up

Book mentioned: 10x Is Easier than 2x: How World-Class Entrepreneurs Achieve More by Doing Less https://tinyurl.com/yrb6bn6j

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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In this episode, John sits down with Kiran K Aulakh, acupuncturist and craniosacral practitioner, for a conversation about healing, sensitivity, and what it means to reconnect with the body.

Kiran shares how jaw pain, anxiety, and restricted self-expression first led her inward, and how that journey eventually became a calling toward acupuncture and the healing arts. Together, she and John explore what acupuncture actually does, how Eastern and Western frameworks can both help explain it, and why the body often knows long before the mind catches up.

This conversation moves beyond needles and technique into something deeper: intuition, receptivity, nervous system regulation, and the practice of letting the body guide your life.

If you have ever felt disconnected from yourself, unsure how to trust your body, or curious about acupuncture as more than just pain relief, this episode is for you.

Timestamps:

(00:00) The body as vessel, vehicle, and altar

(02:12) John’s history with acupuncture

(04:08) How Kiran found healing work

(07:48) What acupuncture actually does

(10:09) Why touch, intuition, and listening matter

(15:18) Sensitivity as a gift

(20:30) Safety, receptivity, and the nervous system

(24:20) Why we disconnect from the body

(31:31) Letting the body guide your life

(36:37) Kiran’s advice for anyone new to acupuncture

Connect with Kiran:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/venusrituals_costarica

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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In this episode, John answers listener questions about attachment wounds, commitment issues, trauma bonds, intrusive thoughts, divorce, and the painful question so many people wrestle with: is this relationship worth fighting for, or is it time to let go?

He explores what actually kills relationships, why healthy love can sometimes feel unfamiliar, how to begin healing avoidant patterns, and what it means to choose yourself when your whole life is about to change. This is an honest conversation about love, fear, grief, boundaries, and the courage it takes to face hard truths.

If you are stuck between holding on and walking away, this episode is for you.

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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In this episode, John unpacks relationship truths no one really prepares you for. From missing who you were in a relationship, to being healing and still drawn to old patterns, this conversation explores what love, compatibility, and growth actually look like.

He also breaks down why real compatibility is about more than shared interests, how nervous systems shape relationships, and why steady love may be healthier than the kind that feels electric.

A grounded episode on heartbreak, healing, patterns, and choosing differently.

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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What if ADHD isn’t just about focus… but about a nervous system stuck in survival mode?

Therapist Jenna Free explains why many ADHD brains are living in chronic fight-or-flight—and why productivity tools like planners and to-do lists often fail.

In this episode, Jenna shares how her own late ADHD diagnosis in graduate school led her to rethink everything she was taught about ADHD treatment. Instead of adding more systems and strategies, she began focusing on nervous system regulation.

When the body is dysregulated, executive functioning drops, urgency increases, and people get stuck in a familiar ADHD pattern: on → crash → repeat.

Jenna introduces the concept of “alignment with reality” — learning to match your internal state to what’s actually happening instead of fighting reality with thoughts like “I’m behind” or “there’s not enough time.”

We also explore ADHD in women and motherhood, the cultural pressure to constantly produce, and how productivity for productivity’s sake can disconnect us from joy, presence, and the people we care about most.

Jenna shares practical ways to regulate in everyday life, including recognizing signs of dysregulation, slowing the body to signal safety, and identifying the beliefs that keep us stuck in urgency.

If you constantly feel rushed, overwhelmed, or trapped by your to-do list, this episode will change how you think about ADHD, productivity, and regulation.

🔗 Guest Links:

Book Title: THE SIMPLE GUIDE TO ADHD REGULATION: The Secret to Finding Balance, Getting Things Done, and Enjoying

Website: https://www.adhdwithjennafree.com/

TikTok: @adhdwithjennafree ; www.tiktok.com/@adhdwithjennafree

Instagram: @adhdwithjennafree ; www.instagram.com/adhdwithjennafree

Podcast: ADHD with Jenna Free; https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/adhd-with-jenna-free/id1801356817

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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In this episode, I walk through my past relationships and take ownership of the ways I’ve been unsafe.

I share specific moments - steamrolling my ex-wife with logic instead of empathy, making subtle body comments that landed harder than I understood, ending relationships abruptly, and moving on too quickly after a breakup. At the time, I justified a lot of it. Looking back, I see the impact.

I also talk about asking my current partner to tell me how I’ve made her feel unsafe over the past eight years. I held her, promised not to defend myself, and listened.

And I cried.

This isn’t about shame. It’s about ownership.

If you’re a man listening, the question isn’t “Am I a good guy?”It’s: Where have I been unsafe — and what would it mean to do better?

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Most of us were never taught how to communicate in relationships.

So we react.

We defend.

We assume.

We build resentment.

In this solo episode, John reframes “communication” as something deeper: intimacy, attunement, and repair.

Because it’s not the conflict that destroys relationships — it’s the lack of repair.

John breaks down how to “fight without fighting,” including:

• Trying to understand before trying to be understood

• Naming your activation instead of attacking

• Taking ownership to create repair

• Setting intentional time to practice connection

• Using I statements and watching tone

• Using touch and body language to soften conflict

• Listening while considering your partner’s story

Healthy intimacy isn’t chemistry. It’s skill.

And every conflict is a chance to break a pattern — or repeat one.

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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In this episode, I answer your questions about breakups, expired relationships, and finding the courage to choose yourself.

We talk about how to let go when you’re struggling to accept it’s over, how to know if a relationship is worth saving, and what it really takes to leave. I also break down the real stages of a relationship, advice for your first one, and how to slow yourself down while dating.

This one is about self-trust, endings, and learning to stop clinging to what’s already expired.

Let’s get into it.

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack⁠ ⁠HERE⁠⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available ⁠HERE⁠

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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A breakup can feel like the end of everything. But what if it’s actually the beginning?

In this episode, John shares a deeply personal reflection on fear, identity, divorce, and what relationships are really meant to do in our lives. Inspired by a nostalgic moment listening to “Borderline” by Madonna, he explores how certain songs — and certain people — instantly transport us back to who we were.

John challenges the idea that you were supposed to be the hero in someone’s life. Maybe you were the bridge. And maybe they were a bridge for you.

He dives into:

• Why some relationships are meant to expire

• The truth about closure (and why it’s ongoing)

• How to stop outsourcing your worth to a partner

• The powerful question: Who am I without them?

• The difference between your pseudo self and solid self

• Why endings are not the opposite of beginnings

If you’re going through a breakup — or still carrying residue from one — this episode reframes the pain as instruction. Profound pain carries profound growth.

Breakups don’t just take something from you. They expose you to yourself.

Key Takeaway

Instead of asking why it ended, ask:

What was I outsourcing in this relationship that I now need to own?

That question alone can change everything.

Cultural Note

This episode references the song “Borderline” by Madonna as part of a personal reflection. All rights to the song belong to the respective copyright holders.

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Are you tired of just surviving your past, feeling like old wounds dictate your present?

Imagine a life where emotional freedom isn't just a dream, but a daily reality. This video isn't about quick fixes; it's about the radical, yet gentle power of consistent habits to transform your deepest hurts into your greatest strengths.

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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What if the thing shaping almost every decision you make is happening quietly — without you realizing it?

John breaks down a powerful idea from psychologist and Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman: there are two selves at play — the experiencing self (who lives life moment-to-moment) and the remembering self (who tells the story and makes most decisions).

When those two don’t agree, you can end up living a life that looks “right” on paper… but still feels empty inside.

MENTIONED / LINKS (Daniel Kahneman – Nobel Prize)

Nobel Prize profile (2002, Economic Sciences): https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/economic-sciences/2002/kahneman/facts/

Daniel Kahneman (Wikipedia): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Kahneman

Thinking, Fast and Slow (book): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow

PRACTICAL TAKEAWAYS (2-QUESTION FILTER)

Before a major decision (work, love, moves, commitments), ask:

1. “How does this feel in my body right now?”
2. “When you look back on this in 5 years, will I be glad I did it?”

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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