Could you see your life just as easily with children as without? 

What if you're not cut out for parenthood? What if you grow lonely in your old age? Or what if you have a loving partner, but you disagree on this choice? Deciding between parenthood and a child-free life requires clarity about your fears and deepest desires — no easy task. This episode, psychotherapist and author of the book, The Baby Decision, Merle Bombardieri, helps us get clear. She discusses minimizing regret, normalizing feeling 'stuck' and why waiting to have a baby at 38 may be best. 

Want more about the decision to have kids? 

Many women don't want kids. And for good reason.
Why are people freaking out about the birth rate?


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What does America look like to visitors?

We're finding out in real time as fans and athletes from all over the world visit the United States for World Cup matches across the country. From Ranch dressing, to the wonders of all-you-can-eat buffets, tourists are getting a taste of all the USA has to offer, but how do we square the warm welcome for the World Cup with the United States' recent stances on immigration? Brittany is joined by immigration reporter Jasmine Garsd, and NPR reporter Juliana Kim to find out.

Want more global perspectives on culture? Check out these episodes:
How often do you think about the American Empire?
Make life harder (and better): Learn another language.

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This episode was produced by Liam McBain and Corey Antonio Rose. It was edited by Neena Pathak. Our Supervising Producer is Cher Vincent. Our Executive Producer is Barton Girdwood. Our VP of Programming is Yolanda Sangweni.

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How do you practice good etiquette online?

Your online life shapes your offline life -- including how you talk, listen, and interact with the world. But often, good behavior offline doesn't necessarily translate to good behavior online.  So when we get online, how do we uphold some social norms and common decencies we practice in the real world?  Brittany chats with Senior Writer at Wired, Jason Parham, to discuss what it means to establish boundaries and social etiquette within our online worlds. 

Want more about good etiquette? Check out these IBAM episodes:
Is your neighborhood riddled with dog poop?
Who needs to know where you are?


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Do you know how to connect with your neighbors?

According to Pew, the share of Americans who know and trust their neighbors is on the decline. There are a lot of structural reasons why you might not trust the people around you and it can be hard to put yourself out there with people you don’t know – and don’t want to bother. But getting to know the people who live near you can bring so much safety, connection, and power to your life. So how can you get to know your neighbors – and what’s standing in the way?

TED Radio Hour producer Katie Monteleone tells Brittany how she built her neighbor community brick by brick – and Brittany hears from experts on why good fences can sometimes make bad neighbors.

(00:00) Why Americans know and trust their neighbors less
(01:28) How do you get out of isolation?
(04:18) Good fences make bad neighbors
(06:01) The space between us and our neighbors
(10:44) Building neighborly relationships brick by brick
(16:13) Can microgrants bring neighbors together?
(18:25) Safety, support, and communal problem-solving
(24:37) Addressing segregation and building cross-class bonds
(30:38) Recovering hospitality and embracing shared destiny

For more episodes on creating better connections in our lives, check out:
Boundaries, bodies, and better sex
The joy of breaking up with dating apps
How to make friends & get good gossip
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Is a return to analog the way to a better future?

While vinyls, DVDs, and CDs might be considered ‘vintage’ to some, for others it’s a way to fight against subscription fatigue. Price hikes, licensing battles, and storage issues can make music, films, TV shows - and even your own photos - inaccessible.  And sometimes without warning, your comfort watch might just vanish from all streaming platforms.

So what does agency look like for the modern consumer? And how has the expectation -- that you own what you pay for -- shifted so dramatically?

To answer that question, digital archivist K.D. Kemp and culture writer at The Cut, Cat Zhang, join the show to break down how physical media and buildable tech could empower us to envision a better future. 

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What does it mean to feel safe during sex these days?

From feeling comfortable with your partner to having access to public health interventions and medication, "safety" comes up a lot in sex. And having the tools you need to feel confident in your own sexual health is an essential part of the pursuit of pleasure. Brittany Luse is joined by Dr. Leisha McKinley-Beach, founder and CEO of the Black Public Health Academy, and Dr. Jasmine Abrams, a research scientist at the Yale School of Public Health, to give us a booster on how to live our best sex lives.

Want more on the culture of sex and dating? Check out these episodes:

The truth about men on the 'down low'
Why can't we be normal about polyamory?

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Do we owe our parents? 

Even in the best of scenarios, caring for an aging parent can be difficult  and intense. But for those who may have had a complicated, fraught, or even abusive parent-child relationship, caring for the person who harmed them can be triggering. So, what options are there?

To answer that question Brittany is joined by Washington Post advice columnist, Carolyn Hax, and Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice, adjunct professor at Northwestern University, and the author of Love Every Day to talk through the complexities of managing - or completely opting out of - caring for your parents.

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What makes us change – or not change?

Change happens to all of us – but what actually happens to us when we change, and how does that change stick? Sometimes there isn't a clear answer, but Benoit Denizet-Lewis, associate professor at Emerson College and author of the book You've Changed: the Promise and Price of Self Transformation, tried to find out what makes change happen. He followed bullies who became Buddhists, gay atheists who became straight evangelicals, political party switchers, people in personality disorder therapy, and prisoners seeking parole.
Brittany is joined by Benoit to find out how change happens to us – and how we understand personal transformation in our culture.

(00:00) What makes change happen to us?
(02:29) When your friend changes - and you don't recognize them anymore
(05:47) Can we intentionally change our core personalities?
(11:38) How social media shapes our understanding of change
(18:17) Parole hearings and the performance of change in the prison system
(21:11) Should we spend time trying to change ourselves, or trying to change the world?

For more episodes about how we change or how to make it happen, check out:
This is your summer of self-love
Free will and the cult of "high agency"
How to survive a millennial midlife crisis

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What does freedom mean today?

Happy Juneteenth! For those not in the know, today commemorates when U.S. federal troops arrived in Galveston, Texas in 1865 to take control of the state and ensure that all enslaved people were freed – a full two and a half years after the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation. Since then, Juneteenth has been celebrated all over the country, especially in Texas and across the South, where Juneteenth parades, cookouts, festivals and pageants happen every year. Two weeks from now, the country will celebrate the Fourth of July – and its 250th anniversary. For many Black Americans, there’s always been a tension between these holidays – and their two different ideals for what it means to be free. As voting rights protections are rolled back and Black history is being scrubbed from government websites, what does freedom look like for Black Americans today?

To get into it, Brittany is joined by Dr. Kellie Carter Jackson, chair of Africana Studies at Wellesley College.

For more episodes about the quality of Black life in America, check out:
Jesse Jackson & the end of the civil rights superhero
Is the economy slowing? Ask Black women.
What to expect when you're expecting racism

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Where do queer people gather?

In honor of Pride Month, we're looking at those sanctuary spaces where LGBTQ+ people can celebrate, strategize, and simply exist…especially amidst a hostile political climate and lackluster feelings about corporate Pride.

Brittany is joined by Erik Piepenburg, author of Dining Out, First Dates, Defiant Nights, and Last Call Disco Fries at America's Gay Restaurants and Diners, and Lucas Hilderbrand, author of The Bars are Ours: Histories and Cultures of Gay Bars in America, 1960 and After to bring us out of the bars and into diners, crafts circles, book clubs, and other third spaces where queer folks are finding community and joy.

For more episodes queer life? Check out these episodes:

In search for a safe space to cry
The Pride month vibes are off, but there's still hope.

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Generative AI has been creating race-based content, and the results are...uncomfortable.

Brittany’s been getting served a lot of AI generated videos of older Asian men, who seem to be feng shui experts of some kind, espousing the benefits of having a “lazy wife” in your household. But it doesn’t stop there. Today’s guest, Bridget Todd, host of There Are No Girls on the Internet and author of the audiobook, Love at First Prompt: AI and the Future of Intimacy, has been ringing the alarm about AI generated videos featuring Black women. Some are AI slop, while others perpetuate harmful stereotypes about Black women -- and there’s a market for it.

Bridget joins the show to get into how generative AI has skewed perceptions around race, gender, and privilege online.

Bridget's first audiobook, Love at First Prompt: AI and the Future of Intimacy, is available for pre-order now from LoveAtFirstPrompt.AI and comes out July 14th from Simon & Schuster. 

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