What was the scariest moment in a movie this year? Who was the most typecast actor? Which film was the most overrated? It's time to hand out the only movie awards that matter: the Teddies and the Jakies! Teddy welcomes Jake Longstreth back onto New Rankings to celebrate the very best films of 2017 (and also The Book of Henry, and also 47 Meters Down), plus they answer some other pressing questions along the way: Which actors won this year's Adam Driver award for "so ugly they're actually hot"? Was that firefighter movie (Only the Brave) just Republican porn, or was it actually kinda good? And why did Teddy mysteriously quit Boy Scouts as a youth? Why?!

Teddy welcomes back New Rankings film correspondent and James-Cameron-action-figure owner Kevin Best (Sequel Rewrite podcast) for a James-Cameron-movie-length discussion of the top 10 movies of 2017. Some of the films discussed include Coco, Logan, Kedi, Get Out, some cannibal movie that Kevin liked, The Florida Project, the season finale of Nathan for You, and of course, The Book of Henry. Additional conversations include: Why did all of the women on Wonder Woman's island speak in that weird, pseudo-Israeli accent? How come Lady Bird didn't feature a plot line related to the 2002 Sacramento Kings? And did Daniel Day-Lewis allow pennies on the set of Lincoln?

NOTE: The audio goes crackly for some of the second half of the episode. Also the first draft of this episode had two weird, Watergate-style ten-minute gaps of silence. Apologies for these inconveniences, but we have a new microphone now, so moving forward everything should be good!

Teddy got a new hat, and it's all he really wants to talk about anymore. On this New Rankings, he welcomes Emma back to predict the top ten hottest fashion trends of 2018, but mostly they just admire his hat. Additional topics of discussion include: the shockingly sustained relevance of the Big Dog brand, the "Coachella meets Renaissance Fair" look, the return of the dickprint, and 2018's color of the year -- it's brown, baby! Oh, and also, this is pretty cool: Teddy got a new hat.

Are you ready for some footbaw??? Just in time for the NFL playoffs (playoffs?!), Teddy welcomes his best man Jake Longstreth back onto New Rankings to draft their best fictional football squads, comprised of players from such classic gridiron tales as The Replacements, Friday Night Lights, Remember the Titans, and the Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon. Who will draft Forrest Gump in the second round? Who will land not one but two different Keanu Reeveses to play quarterback? And who will panic-draft Air Bud and Keisha from Backyard Football before realizing that his team sucks as he melts into a puddle of tears? Find out, and vote for your favorite team: #TeamTeddy or #TeamJake!

Happy 2018! Teddy welcomes his sister, noted bookworm Kit Steinkellner, back onto the New Rankings Book Club to count down their top 7 reads from 2017. Along the way, they give insight into their favorite literary genres: depressing politics books and "trashy thrillers" for Teddy; Asian women fiction and monster dog stories for Kit. In addition, they debate the following pressing questions: Why do people still read Hemingway and Fitzgerald but not John Dos Passos or Sinclair Lewis? Why do, uh, certain demographics vote against their economic interests? And... wait... realistic Flintstones???

Ho, ho, ho! On this episode of Yule Rankings, Teddy welcomes back Lindsey Toiaivao as they celebrate everyone's favorite holiday mascot-slash-horny dad, Santa Claus! Lindsey and Teddy rank their top ten Santas in film, fiction, and folklore, from Krampus to the Grinch, from Tim Allen to JTT. Additional pressing Santa questions include: Why is Jack Skellington the Macklemore of Santas? When will Mrs. Claus get something interesting to do?And how can you tell when a homeless person is actually just Santa in disguise?

With the holidays approaching -- and with their childhood home facing the threat of a terrifying wildfire -- Teddy and Emma take a moment to count their blessings, Berenstain Bears-style, and rank their top ten fictional families ever. Some of the ohanas on their lists include: the Corleones, the Chipmunks, the Lannisters, the Brady Bunch, the Koopalings, Clan McDuck, and the Klumps. In addition, Em and Ted answer such pressing fictional family questions as: "What do 'Lilo & Stitch' and 'Coco' get right that 'Moana' got wrong?", "When there's four grandparents in a bed, where does everyone put their feet?" And "Why does adding a baby always make the family suck?"

Who dem boys? *WE* dem boys! In this testosterone-fueled episode (recorded live from a boycation in Houston, Texas!), Teddy and his eternal bro Andrew Molina crack open some cold ones and count down the top eight ways to keep that bro bond alive, even as distance and adulthood try to get in the way. Discussion topics include: how to start your very own boys' book club or support group, "getting out there for a quick visit early," the Great Ed Sheeran Debate of 2017, and the secret MVPs of bro bonding... could they possibly be... *gasp*... girls?!?

Boomer versus Millennial. Rotary phones versus sexting. Sitcom jokes versus nonsense memes. Woman who thinks she's always right versus the devil boy she created in her own image. Yep, it's a generational battle here on New Rankings, as Teddy and his mother Cheri put the participation trophies aside and debate the top seven things Millennials and Baby Boomers can learn from each other. Vote for your champion, #TeamTeddy or #TeamCheri, and reach out to @newrankings with your own hot takes on Jeff Bezos' world takeover, Frindle, the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire, and hunky Monkee Davy Jones.

Put on your toga, grab some ambrosia, and avoid any nearby swans -- it's time to go Greek! In this episode, Teddy and his friend Sophie, host of the She's All Fat podcast (@shesallfatpod), rank their top eight gods and godesses of Greek antiquity. Discussion topics include why Sophie seemingly only likes boring gods, Teddy's mini-ranking of Zeus' most hilarious sex disguises, and the question of twincest between Apollo and Artemis: did they do it, or did they definitely do it?

Apologies for the three-week delay in content, Teddy regrets.......... nothing! Because he was off getting married! And from now on, every episode of the show will be marriage-themed! In this podcast, Teddy and his new wife Courtney rank their top seven pieces of marriage advice, since now that they have been married two weeks, they are cool experts in the ways of love. Discussion topics include: healthy fighting rituals, peeing with the door open, surprisingly wise dentists, and peeing at Versailles.