Should you accept a "congrats" for buying a house? What about moving into a rental? The boys try to work out where the line sits between earned achievement and a windfall you didn't quite deserve.

Then a debate about gift vouchers - specifically, the ethics of giving someone a voucher worth less than the service it's meant for. And should you have to factor in a plus-one when buying someone an experience? And at what age should your mum stop paying your bills? Christian has thoughts, and a confession that will SHOCK you.

Then it's an age-old question of closing doors quietly. Dion has been trained since childhood to move through a sleeping house like a ghost. Are tiptoes actually quieter, or are heels just an unfairly loud bone? Plus: Is the job of cleaning a bench really done if you've left it wet? Guess the idiot who has strong opinions about this!

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Christian notices that some of the old European men in his neighbourhood have netted their fruit trees - but left others completely uncovered. Does that mean the uncovered ones are fair game? At what point does abundance become an invitation? And is it trespassing if you're just grabbing a lemon?

The boys try to draw the line between community generosity and petty theft, working through the hierarchy of who deserves the fruit first. Dion wouldn't bat an eye if someone took his basil. Josh isn't buying it. A doorbell sketch is attempted and immediately derailed.

Then Josh recounts the delicate social purgatory of being at his partner's friend's 50th birthday and hearing the words "let's get going" - only to spend the next twenty minutes hovering politely while she fires up new conversations on the way out. What's your role when the exit has been called but nobody's actually leaving? Do you engage? Do you hover? And is ordering another drink a signal that you've given up, or the smartest move available?

Plus: Can you say you've read a book if you've only listened to it? Dion gets into an argument with a near-stranger about audiobooks and immediately regrets it. Christian confesses to a recurring six-month Kindle cycle. And the boys wrestle with the strange shame of not being a reader - and whether "I'm enjoying this book" is the loophole we've all been looking for.

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Why won't Josh commit to an arrival time? When he says "I'm 25 minutes away," is that best practice or is it just forcing everyone else to do maths? And at what point does "I'm heading off now" become a riddle?

This week, a friend's shirt button pops off and ignites a surprisingly heated argument about what counts as a basic skill. Can you sew a button? Should you be able to? The boys try to define where the line sits — is it about complexity, or whether you can pick it back up after years of not doing it? Cooking makes the list. Knots spiral into nautical territory. Christian can't tie things off. Dion can't navigate his own neighbourhood. Josh floats the idea that sweeping is so intuitive it barely qualifies. And somehow, the question of whether you should know where the studs are in your own walls becomes genuinely existential.

Plus: Dion steps in dog shit and it becomes a full strategic debrief. Stick or tap first? Is a leaf ever acceptable? Josh nervously pitches the pebble method. Christian insists on hot water from the laundry tap. And the group reflects on the golden age of stepping in dog shit — and why it just doesn't happen like it used to.

When did YouTube become our parents, and how long until prompt engineering is the new sewing a button?

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We're back! After 160 days away, a refreshed studio, and some very big life updates, we ease back into the important stuff - like underwear. Josh is staring down the barrel of doubling his underwear usage, and he doesn't like it. Christian walks us through his two-pair rotation system while Dion tries to map out the maths. How many pairs do you own? When do you retire a pair with a hole in it? And would you ever donate used undies?

Then we revisit the night Christian and Josh went to see The Presets and split up at the toilet block. What followed was a ten-minute standoff where both men were absolutely certain they were standing in the most logical spot. Josh chose the path of travel. Christian chose the thoroughfare. Neither could see the other. We ask: when you lose someone outside a bathroom at an event, where do you stand? How long do you wait before giving up? And does going back to the group without them count as a confrontation?

Finally, Christian reveals he's been reading his text messages aloud while typing them — and wonders whether that's a courtesy or a cry for help. 

Plus: the etiquette of being on your phone in someone's company, Josh's $40 Aldi smartwatch that can't tell the time, and whether 151 is a prime number (it is).

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After eight years, 150 episodes and approximately one and a half Bibles worth of words, Christian, Dion and Josh gather to celebrate the tangled quilt they’ve been slowly unravelling since 2017. This very special Patch, recorded live on YouTube on September 10, 2025, is best experienced by watching rather than listening. Here's a link to the YouTube livestream recording.

How have three friends managed to keep a podcast going for nearly a decade without ever truly learning how to knit, sew, or grow as people? Can a single WhatsApp message — “So we record tomorrow night?” — spark eight years of overthinking? And is it possible to look back fondly on a show that has spent more time debating calendars, microwaves and recycling etiquette than producing anything of real value?

Across Patch 150, Christian, Dion and Josh:

• Look back on their early days — dodging vacuum cleaners in borrowed boardrooms, dreaming up terrible theme songs, and accidentally almost making a current affairs show.

• Revisit iconic segments like Oh Wow, complete with a very special surprise cameo.

• Discover that some opinions can change (you probably shouldn’t throw a full jar of kimchi straight into the bin) while others remain uncomfortably fixed (like how to microwave leftovers without scorching your fingertips).

• Play a chaotic round of Patchwork Trivia

• Reflect on eight years of shared milestones: house moves, breakups, pandemics, and the strange intimacy of a community built entirely on dissecting the minutiae of life.

Listen to Patch 150 and find out whether we crossed the line from nostalgia into self-indulgence.

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We begin with Josh’s so-called “worst idea ever”: a heated debate about monitor timeout settings that morphs into a discussion about energy saving, screen burn, and whether you can feel your password in your fingers. Then Dion unveils a mysterious crack on his phone’s screen protector—but can’t recall how it happened. Josh is appalled. Christian is strangely sympathetic.

Later, we find ourselves in a crowded venue with Josh, hyper-aware he’s blocking a walkway but too polite to say anything. Do you instinctively manage group positioning in public spaces, or would you rather blend in and suffer silently?

Finally, Dion tries to eat a chip. But how loud is too loud? We ask: can you tell how noisy your own chewing is? Do you pace your bites? Would you buy concert-proof lolly wrappers?

Plus: silent ten-pin bowling, mismatched perceptions of sporting ability, and a surprise theory about crowd flow and height.

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With Dion back on the mic, we begin by questioning his curious choice to take place his call in another room but on speaker. This quickly turns into a debate about phone etiquette, hands-free habits, and whether Dion’s long-standing fear of mobile radiation is paranoia or just good prep. We also examine the strange acoustics of speaker mics, the performance of whispering taxi drivers, and the phone-in-bra technique favoured by certain mums.

Next, we tackle the strange panic that sets in when a rogue soccer ball rolls your way at the park. Josh recounts a high-pressure moment in Princes Park where he had to choose between a casual pass or a full-blown toe-bash. Do you prioritise style or accuracy? Should you stick to the sport’s rules when returning the ball? And is there a small part of all of us that hopes we’ll be immediately recruited?

Finally, we chew over one of life’s most quietly stressful conundrums: where do you throw away chewing gum when there’s no bin around? Flick it, wrap it, or pocket it for later disposal?

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From coughing fits to crusty sourdoughs, this episode is made entirely of scraps - old notes, fleeting thoughts, and the kinds of ponderings that once felt too small, too odd, or too unworthy to make the cut. But today, they shine.

In this rapid-fire, patchwork-style patch, we discuss:

• The weird intimacy of bringing a list of topics to dinner
• Why Christian thinks fridges have made us forget the meaning of "fresh"
• Is putting found items higher really helping the original owner?
• Emojis vs. "haha" - which carries more social weight?
• Nonno throws out a brand new phone, but keeps 1997 soft drinks
• The stress of coughing while trying to finish a story
• Walking past a housemate: acknowledge? ignore? perform?
• The violent pain of sourdough and how to eat it safely
• “Myriad” reasons to hate people who know they're using “myriad” correctly

So grab your blunt knife, lift that lost glove to eye level, and join us as we stitch together a new patch - out of scraps.

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Christian finally gets his ear pierced — but what does it mean to permanently alter your body? Is it self-expression, a longing for transformation, or simply an overdue homage to a bodybuilding uncle from childhood? Meanwhile, Josh is quietly seething at his neighbours who refuse to bring their bins in — but is it really about the bins, or about the unspoken social contract we all silently agree to uphold?

When is it okay to make a fuss? Why do some people seem completely unaware of the space they take up in the world? And is there such a thing as a “gateway piercing”? We also ask: do we secretly believe there’s virtue in pain? Are people with spatial awareness just more evolved? And at what age does it become acceptable to accept candy from a stranger?

Whether you’re lying down clutching your partner’s hand before a piercing, or gently nudging your neighbour toward a more aesthetically cohesive streetscape — join us as we sew a new patch into our quilt of friendship.

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With Dion away, Christian and Josh settle in for a two-hander that begins with Christian’s recent holiday — and the logistical challenge of who would feed the cats. Christian reveals he enlisted six different friends (including Josh) and provided an extensive PDF detailing every aspect of Moe and Gus’s care. We unpack the line between thoughtful preparation and over-engineering. Is it helpful or excessive to include things like backstories, indexes, and optional enrichment activities? Should you instruct friends to “play with the cats”? And why do pets seem to get more detailed care notes than actual children?

We also explore how people interpret instructions differently and what makes a favour feel like a burden versus a shared act of community. Is it overkill to create a video walkthrough of how to reach your lockbox? Or is it actually a kindness?

Later, we shift into kitchen territory to tackle one surprisingly divisive question: should you stir your drinks with a fork or a spoon? Christian swears by the fork for Metamucil, Josh agrees (in this one case), and the debate expands. Does the utensil depend on the drink? Should we be rinsing and reusing, or are we just transferring wet teaspoons into dry coffee jars?

Along the way, we challenge the usefulness of whisks, praise the versatility of silicon spatulas, and call for an overhaul of salad tongs — especially when time spent tonging for capsicum might be socially judged.

Also in this patch: talcum powder confusion, Pyrex nostalgia, and a cat who may now have a job.

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We begin this patch with Josh recounting a recent trip to the Great Australian Beer Spectacular and Dion arriving at the wrong venue, shitting himself. Which kicks off a discussion about lateness, accountability, and how best to communicate when you're running behind. Should you send an ETA, or photographic proof of your position? Is sharing a live location too passive? And do you owe other people in the queue an explanation when a friend joins you at the front?

Christian posits whether his favourite ice cream flavour should be buried at the bottom of a cone, and whether we should be given more agency when ordering ice-cream - from scoop order to portion size. Christian also shares his short-lived stint as an ice cream attendant.

We also consider when it’s acceptable for Josh to trust a student dentist with the care of his teeth, and where we draw the line between acceptable cost-cutting and unnecessary risk. 

And what actually defines a “professional”? Is it skill, training, pay, or just human with a pair of scissors?

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