5/31/15

Ep 20 - Lousypalooza Lousy San Francisco Podcast - SK Morton Creative Download

Here's the story of a man named Lousy

2:14:34 Writer/Editor: SK Morton Coco Host: Dave West House Band: Peter Feliciano Producer/Sound Engineer: Squidge McSqueezy Guests: Suzy L; PJ; Indigo Java; Michelle Thomas; Babette and the Purple Guy

 

Show Notes:

Our version of fun at the bomb shelter.

Ep 20 - Lousypalooza

The fact of the matter is SK is a fraud.  Think about it would any man with even the absolute minimum amount of  integrity really spend their time shamelessly promoting their insignificant little walking (Let me repeat that - walking ) tour by means of a podcast? Essentially screaming to the world, "Look at me world. I can't hold down a real job!"  Only SK Morton is that pathetic...and maybe his regular stable of lackeys.

This week we pull back the curtain of the podcast only to reveal dozens of empty yogurt cups and  piles of saved copies of USA Today and Highlights for children. The clutter forces the gang out into a larger, amazingly less well lit space within the bomb shelter for our 1st annual season finale lovingly known as Lousypalooza.

Joining SK and Squidge at the kid's table are local comic and stand-up contest winner Dave West as well as, friend of the podcast and enemy of dry underarms, Pete Feliciano.

First we briefly visit with Throng members Suzy L and PJ before we realize that they both thought they were at Giants Fan Fest and mistook Dave for Santiago Casilla.  Next up, former Coco-hosts, Indigo Java and Michelle Thomas step up to the microphone and show us all why the two were never able to make it work.

Of course, We also have time to talk with Babette and Squidge but at least we regret it. There were a few songs that Pete is proud of but no one had the heart to tell him that all of his parts were over-dubbed by Jack Black.

Look at us world! And we'll make sure to cut and paste our resume in the body of the email!

Here's the story of a man named Lousy

In 3 years SK will either be working for Squidge or dead by his hand

T-shirts are Pete's currency

Ebony and slightly less ebony talk together in podcast harmony

How everyone else looks to Dave West when he's sober

The bomb shelter is the perfect place to work except for the Giant Malaysian Flying Palm Spiders.

You should see what they say to his face

"Where's the Peligrino?"

SK Will have the French Dip and a chocolate milkshake.

Someone trying to get artsy

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6/8/15

Ep 19 - Let Them Eat PPIE Lousy San Francisco Podcast - SK Morton Creative Download

Throngster and regular audience member, Man in the 6, assumes the appropriate position for ideal listening enjoyment.

1:13:38 Writer/Editor: SK Morton Coco Host: KS Notrom House Band: Shantwon Zee Producer/Sound Engineer: Squidge McSqueezy Guest: Tom Brokaw & Chewbacca

Ep 19 - Let Them Eat PPIE

Sweet vindication!  Last week we predicted that the immense popularity and critical acclaim of episode 18 was an irregularity in the normal blather churning that is SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast.  And this week's installment proves that we haven't lost our touch. (The same touch that solidified the fame of Lennie Small,  Boo Radley, and Frankenstein's monster)

With no actual guests this week, SK was forced to rely heavily on his tried-and-true practice of lulling listeners into a catatonic state by reading emails, plugging his Lousy Walking Tour, disparaging Daryl Hannah and, finally - desperately - doing voices. Unfortunately, this segment would prove to be the meat and potatoes portion of the podcast and they will be hard to keep down.

SK might have resorted to pies in the face were it not for the help of Shantwon, Squidge and SK's own brain, KS Notrom, when discussing the latest installment of Animal Obituaries.  The majestic humpback whales and their navigation challenges are discussed as well as the elusive chickens of Golden Gate Park.  They might not be so cocky with the grand opening of San Francisco's first SKFC.

After, what looks to be the last straw for the Bridal Fitness Coach commercials starring Chewbrokaw, we spend quite a bit of time learning nothing about San Francisco's 1915 Panama Pacific International Exposition Extravaganza. When the PPIE's connection to the 1894 Mid-winter's fair or the 1893 Colombian Exposition come up SK is distracted by shiny Mercury capsules; When he tries to explain the expo's scale model of the Panama Canal he is derailed by an escalator;  His tidbits about the 1st inter-continental telephone call and Ukelele performance get roasted by bits of pineapple on pizza; His stories of aeronautical pioneers, Lincoln Beachey and the Lockheed brothers crash and burn; and the origins of the fortune cookie and Disneyland's best known attractions simply refuse to shine.

We offer for your consideration one Lousy Podcast.  The place is the bomb shelter; the time is a couple of weeks ago; the subject is the 1915 PPIE.  And that's where SK hoped it would get scintillating. Instead it was just fair.

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5/27/15

Ep 18 - An Englishman's Love Affair With Robin Hood Lousy San Francisco Podcast - SK Morton Creative Download

Returning Coco-host Michelle Thomas demonstrates the healing power of SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast.

1:13:51 Writer/Editor: SK Morton Coco Host: Michelle Thomas House Band and Musical Director: Shantwon Zee Producer/Sound Engineer: Squidge McSqueezy Guest: Babbette and "Tony Quarington"

Ep 18 - An Englishman's Love Affair With Robin Hood

Webster's dictionary defines "aberration" as episode 18 of SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast.  Indeed, this week we might have fallen backward into something that, up until now, was deemed impossible by mathematicians, physicists, political scientists, line cooks and most of our family members - an interesting podcast.

Amazing and wondrous things were encountered this week as we welcomed back, Throng favorite, Michelle Thomas as the Coco-host and bearer of gifts. To SK she presented a gift of art, To Squidge she served as fodder for a crush, and upon the Throng she conferred the willies as we discovered similarities between her latest series of paintings and a murder conspiracy from the '70s. It was at this curve that our yellow brick road veered away from what might have been an animal obituary and arrived at a plug for SK's long forgotten Amnesty Pond.

As ambrosial fragrance filled the bomb shelter blessed voices are found to be uttering something akin to joy as cub reporter, PJ interviews Giants' great, Corey Dullard with our latest installment in the Bridal Fitness Coach saga. 

Then, with a preamble sweet, The entire gang interviews an ersatz Englishman of letters (And those letters are F.L.A.K.E) who goes by the name of Tony Quarington. The discussion is a charming symphony of San Francisco anecdotes complemented by reminiscences on Tony's home of perfidious Albion.  

With Babette's arrival as fresh as spring we are greeted by trumpeters clothed in white as shining raiment. The Throng, with harps, sing plenty of praises as emails shine like gold and the promise of interracial dating presumes a future where forests and green slopes and sweet orchards and flashing waterfalls, one above the other, go on for ever.  The holidays have begun.

 

Show Notes:

See Michelle Thomas' art at these websites:            http://www.michellethomasfineart.com/ohq4dbkejjrojzkr2zqr0qy6qumqfy  http://www.saatchiart.com/michellesindhathomas                                                                                                                                    And an interview with her here: 

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5/18/15

Ep 17 - A New Low Lousy San Francisco Podcast - SK Morton Creative Download

Co-Coco-hosts Snaps and DHB simulate what they believe to be distinguished in a classical pose.

1:13:43 Writer/Editor: SK Morton Co-Coco-hosts: DHB & Snaps Guest: Babette

  Click to go to Ep 5 - with Petition for Amnesty Pond

Ep 17 - A New Low

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a lousy podcast to abandon all hope of wholesome entertainment, and to assume among the throng that decency and respect for other's opinions must be sacrificed for the sake of expediency, then blurb tradition requires that a summation of that podcast be outlined which impels us to such nonsense.

Whereas this week, the bomb shelter, being plenteously audienceless, SK heretofore begins a nervous thread involving bathroom etiquette, procedure and cleanliness.

Whereas this week's celebrity guest reaffirmed the illegitimacy of the podcast by abandoning both SK as well as folly and cancelling his appearance, the show was to make due with the company of two new co-Coco-hosts:  Hawaiian ex-patriot, DHB; and future deportee, Snaps.

Whereas Babette's precipitous arrival served, not as a bulwark for declinatory argument, but rather as a provocateur for the objectification of both women and men as well as mythical Norse gods.

Whereas the purpose of the podcast is to discuss the past, present & future of the great city of San Francisco, the band of lackeys is only scarcely able to make a token nod at informing their audience with a cursory discussion of the Presidio (With a promotion of SK Morton's Amnesty Pond), the Willows pleasure garden, the village of Yerba Buena, ironic addresses for the city's churches and parking in San Francisco.

Whereas SK possesses an inherent ability to peer deep inside the human soul, He acts as the arbiter of which movies and television shows are good and which are bad, which sports are of qualifying interest, where racism goes wrong and why Daryl Hannah should be ashamed.

We, therefore, the representatives of the Throng, in a general malaise, assembled and appealing for attention do solemnly publish and declare, that this episode of the Lousy Podcast to be free of, and absolved from, any pretense of a pursuit of happiness.  And for the support of this declaration, we mutually pledge to not make eye contact.

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5/8/15

Ep 16 - Yelling Fire Chief In a Crowded Bomb Shelter Lousy San Francisco Podcast - SK Morton Creative Download

Babette digs that smokey aroma of firemen

1:22:40 Writer/Editor: SK Morton Chief Musical Officer: Shantwon Zee Guests: Henry "Jim" Larkin; Babette

Ep 16 - Yelling Fire Chief In A Crowded Bomb Shelter

One thing that really burns my butt is a flame about 3 feet tall.  This and many other fire related jokes were never employed in this, our 16th crack at public humiliation. This is owing mainly to the fact that most fire related jokes (At least the non-horrific ones) just aren't that funny.  Of course, "not that funny" is right in our wheel house.

The show starts off without much fuel.  We have no Coco-host, no Squidge and no audience. Fire Captain Henry "Jim" Larkin shows up but too late to revive a dying introduction.  A discussion of one of SK's recent tours results in a hazardous situation - a new song by Shantwon, "I stole the moment".

The conversation appears to heat up with an email about the Pacific Ocean and its warm water Blob, however any expectation for stimulating debate is quickly snuffed out by a droning on about the new MUNI schedule and bus stops.  The talk gets so dry we are ultimately required to keep a 30 foot defensible space between it and the bomb shelter.

Just when it looks like we will all be asphyxiated by indifference (Mitch Albom's latest best seller),  Babette enters and injects some much needed fresh air into the proceedings by regaling us with tales of her exploits in the old west as well as exposing SK's lack of funds when it came time to pop the question. 

SK's history lesson about the SFFD threatens to smother any spark of appeal that the podcast may have had when Jim attempts to rekindle interest with ghost stories and accounts of working out with Jim Jones in the '70s.

Sufficed to say, this week, as with most around here, there was never any danger of the podcast catching fire - It's all suppressed with Pelligrino

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4/28/15

Ep 15 - Aquatic Bonkers Lousy San Francisco Podcast - SK Morton Creative Download

he latest poster for the new Bert & Ernie live-action Netflix series.

1:17:57 Writer/Editor: SK Morton Coco Host: Pete Feliciano VP in Charge of Chords & Lyrics: Shantwon Zee Producer/Sound Engineer: Squidge McSqueezy

Ep 15 - Aquatic Bonkers

For 14 Episodes SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast has been a family show.  While subject matter has proven to be eclectic there are quite a few topics we find taboo. Like accurate history or coherent argument development or anything approaching entertainment. But this week that all changed.

It all centers around this week's Coco-host, friend of the podcast and popular SF musician, Pete Feliciano.  Pete's disinterest in american cinema, contempt for formal  wear,  and love for half-naked soda jerks is the catalyst for our abandoning the niceties normally found in polite society.

SK is 1st into the deep and murky end of the pool when he discusses his SLuRP referral program but is eagerly pursued by the rest of the gang with racially charged animal obituaries, an endeavor in literal potty humor and an examination of a possible STD that up until now has only been detected in sea cucumbers. 

The bottom of the barrel is chafed during the email portion of the podcast when we discuss a rambling manifesto penned by new listener, Crap Fantastic. The depravity is apparently condoned as the group perform their rendition of Rupert Holmes' ode to the lighter side of adultery, The Pina Colada Song.

Of course the dirtiest part of the show is the discussion of Chinatown streets and restaurants.  The trade of illegal fireworks and plastic bags are endorsed as well as the practice of sleeping loose and $5 haircuts. Also included in the Chinatown conversation is the traditional Chinese instrument and possible euphemism known as the Erhu and MUNI's "Dirty 30" bus line. Excuse our Thaishanese.

If you're thinking about imbibing this week's podcast you might want to precede it with Dramamine chaser. Clearly, we're not too good to work blue.

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4/20/15

Ep 14 - The Snail Assassin Lousy San Francisco Podcast - SK Morton Creative Download

A new take on the classic Norse poem, Reneeowolf.

1:28:13 Writer/Editor: SK Morton Coco Host: KS Notrom Assistant to the Regional Mariachi: Shantwon Zee Guests: Renee J & Babette

Ep 14 - The Snail Assassin

You know those stories on the news about those accountants or nurses or fire extinguisher service techs that turn out to be hit-men or Russian double agents or mattress salesmen?  And they interview their friends and relatives and neighbors who are all shocked about the double lives these people lived? Well listen to this week's episode would ya!

Things start off innocently enough.  We're introduced to the other half of SK's brain, KS Notrom, and all are delighted to learn that Shantwon is in the bomb shelter and armed with, quite possibly, a new chord for the night's festivities.  And, most importantly we meet the Lousy Podcast's resident hungry hippie, Renee J.

Several interesting emails are discussed and subsequently forgotten as Renee J starts to lure the gang into a dark, dark place under the auspices of foodie talk. 

Renee demonstrates a love for French food, Spanish food that mimics French food and Russian Bakeries.  All of which provide her with lots and lots of salt.  As things progress, fueled by a garlic and butter stupor, she opens up about gardening war stories and and reveals the source of her Post Traumatic Snail Disorder. 

Midpoint in the horror we get a reprieve when Renee is distracted by flashbacks of the times she didn't go to Woodstock, Kent State or the summer of love in Golden Gate Park.  She does give us some insights about the Haight Ashbury district in the '70s and sustainable edibles of the 2000s but soon enough we are, again, wallowing in the slime of snail talk.  War is hell and this podcast is agony.

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4/15/15

Ep 13 - Bean Cones Lousy San Francisco Podcast - SK Morton Creative Download

Indigo poses with a remnant of the Throng.

1:10:39 Writer/Editor: SK Morton Producer/Sound Engineer: Squidge McSqueezy President of Music: Shantwon Zee Guests: Indigo Java & Babette

Looking to make some extra cash? Apply for the SLRP Program For FREE Tickets to a taping of the Lousy Podcast, CLICK HERE

Ep 13 - Bean Cones

Once upon a time there was a Lousy Podcast.  Ostensibly its purpose was to convey information about the City of San Francisco to its listeners but in reality it was a way for its host, SK Morton, to get people to talk to him.

One day SK noticed that it was time for the podcast. He gathered information about the Waldo tunnel and Jerry's Toys on Market street and even where to find some decent burritos.  He called all of his friends and asked, "Who will be on time to my podcast?"

"Not I" said Shantwon Zee, who was busy picking out just the right mesh muscle shirt for his performance of The Fresh and Easy Song.

"Not I" said Squidge McSqueezy, who was busy sorting fly crap out of his pepper.

"Not I" said the studio audience who were busy updating their status to "disinterested".

"Not I" said Babette, who almost certainly was held up doing something terribly important and should never be lumped in with the likes of Shantwon and Squidge and is absolutely deserving of a back rub sweetie:)

SK's only friend to show up on time was Indigo Java, and he came bearing the gift of a cruise to the Bahamas. "Who will take this Bahamas cruise?" asked SK and Indigo.

"We will" cried Shantwon, Squidge, the studio audience and Babette (Who was the only one derserving among them).

SK looked at his friends and replied, "Bean cones!" That's what I says. "Bean cones!"

3/27/15

Ep 12 - Drivel in 3 Parts Lousy San Francisco Podcast - SK Morton Creative Download

Like a blurry Dockers commercial we spend a lot of time talking about nothing.

1:22:34 Writer/Editor: SK Morton President of Music: Shantwon Z Guests: Paul Tavian; Fancy Nancy; Suzy L & Babette

For Free Tickets To A Taping Of The Lousy Podcast, CLICK HERE

Ep 12 - Drivel In 3 Parts

This week we do a concept piece.  Envision a podcast where - rather than delighting listeners with interesting and thoughtfully conceived, well executed discussions with compelling guests - each sentence blurted out in this episode is simultaneously incoherent, a non sequitur and quite possibly offensive. Yoko Ono would be proud. 

The fun starts right away with an email from long-time throng member, Suzy L who finds it necessary to critique past episodes. (Futility also being a key element in this  episode)

Then, for a good time, listen to Fancy Nancy.  She is willing to hang out for almost a full half hour and weigh in on things to do solo in San Francisco like staring contests with oil paintings, staring down sleeping audience members and hiking SF stairs.

The 2nd incarnation of episode 12, not unlike the Bolshevik Revolution, starts off promising but very quickly degenerates into the Trotsky's.  We welcome DeYoung museum exhibit engineer, Paul Tavian.  That is all.

For act 3 and after an evacuation of the bomb shelter, we're left with just two audience members, one of whom is a two-time candidate for CoCo-host, Suzy L.  Suzy book ends the show with another email section where she joins Babette in a discussion about good hair and bad parenting and/or vice versa (The other way around in reverse).

At least Tony Bennett was solid.  He did a duet with Yoko.

3/20/15

Ep 11 - Brought To You By The Letters S & K And By The Number 11 Lousy San Francisco Podcast - SK Morton Creative Download  

Natural Hair: The short afro, the braided twist and the Friar Tuck

1:20:49

Writer/Editor: SK Morton Musical Director: Shantwon Zee Guests: Fancy Nancy & Babette

 

 

 

 

For Free Tickets To A Taping Of The Lousy Podcast, CLICK HERE  

Ep 11 - Brought To You By the Letters S & K and By the Number 11

Dear Diary. It's been 11 episodes now and I fear I may never achieve my goal of mildly entertaining the listening public.

Couldn't find a co-host who was willing to work for Pellegrino and m&ms so I was forced to pick one from the studio audience.  Fancy Nancy drew the short straw and proceeded to destroy what was left of my confidence by announcing that she'd never listened to the podcast before.  She then went on to pick on me about my weight and question the veracity of my parents' marriage certificate.

I tried to bolster my negative self-image by relating a fun tour that I had recently conducted with a trio from Chicago, one of which happened to be a tour guide as well, and had commended me for my enthusiasm.  It was at this point that my colleagues pelted me with batteries.  If that weren't' enough, the Throng is growing restless and have taken to antagonizing me through emails.

Even the generally popular subject matter (Animal obituaries) seemed to be confusing as a discussion about the Guinea Pigs of Delores Park dovetailed into a commentary by Shantwon about "Selfie Takin' Monks".  I had assumed that they were talking about a couple of new indie bands but was shouted down and burned with cigarettes.

When I questioned Fancy Nancy about her neighborhood of Silver Terrace she avoided the subject and claimed to have ties to every San Francisco district.  As things started to get heated Babette showed up and poured gas on the situation by denouncing the natural hair movement among black women and challenging Fancy Nancy to a duel over which super hero had the cutest accent.

To be fair, the gang ended everything with a laugh but I couldn't trust that it was genuine since I had just asked them to do so.

I hope next week goes better.  I'd hate to have to endure an audit right after the hip surgery knowing that the podcast isn't sharp.

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3/16/15

Ep 10 - Are You Not Entertained? Try Turning it Off and On Again Lousy San Francisco Podcast - SK Morton Creative Download

Squidge and his brother Froodge avoiding work but confronting indigestion at Grubstake in San Francisco.

1:20:25 Writer/Editor: SK Morton Musical Director: Shantwon Zee Producer: Squidge McSqueezy Guest: Babette

Ep 10 - Are You Not Entertained? Try Turning It Off and On Again

Charles Bronson once said that, "Audiences like to see the bad guys get their comeuppance".  After, quite possibly, the weakest podcast to date we're fairly confident that our largest studio audience yet got what we deserved.  And while SK, Shantwon and newest producer, Squidge McSqueezy arrive at the bomb shelter unprepared, we're pretty sure it was the audience's fault.

After going around the room to remind each person who they are, the gang struggles to make a paltry sample of emails sound entertaining.  The nethermost point might have been reached with our latest edition of animal obituaries.

This week the majority of your time will be squandered listening to the troupe rail about the latest insipid what-to-do-in-the-city list authored by another androgynous, vintage, bib & tuck master of liberal arts.  In fact, if it weren't for Babette's momentary rant about racism in Chinatown, we might have never taken a break for another lackluster commercial for Bridal Fitness Coach.

The last portion of the podcast focuses on what SK would do with just three days in San Francisco.  Can you say binge-watch Sid & Marty Krofft?  There are a few more thinly veiled advertisements for SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Walking Tour (Like that) and then Babette finally convinces SK that Downton Abbey might not be a bad locale for a pasty vacation away from hipsters, UFOs and cross-fitters.

Not unlike Sha-na-na, This podcast was recorded in front of a live studio audience.  There were no survivors.

 

 

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