Q*Bert is tired of all your bullshit. He’s been tired for years. He built a life, man. He’s got a farm. Mouths to feed (Well, his mouth. As far as we can tell, noone else has a mouth in the Q*Bert verse. The snake, I guess?) He wakes up with the sunrise, tends to his crop and puts in a honest day of good ol work. He doesn’t have time for black holes or shenanigans! He doesn’t even have time for pants! He’s got to get his prize to the county fair! He’s got the greatest selection of Bertmeats in the tri-state area and he knows it and ain’t nothing stopping him from saying it expletively!

Don’t worry about the phrase “Bertmeats”.

Anyway, this is a new Video Death Loop

John Hurst is your host this week and he has a Floor Update for you. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s excited about the new season of Curse of Oak Island. That isn’t even in the episode, he just wants you to know!

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Godzilla 2000! It’s a movie! From the year 200– Wait, 1999? Seriously? Come on, you couldn’t wait like one year– Okay, whatever. Y2K and all that. They had to work fast to repair the damage from the American 1998version and how else do we do that other than make sure Godzilla explodes everything! Plasma Beams over here! Stomps over there! Fight the weird CG alien thing! The audience has your back for sure! He may be a problem that the humans in the movies need to solve but maybe if he was elsewhere, it would be less of a battle. Somewhere with little water. Maybe a big desert. Where they call McDonald’s Maccas. Godzilla can clearly handle a McDonald’s… But a Macca’s? Unknown!

Anyway, hire us for the next film, Toho Films. We make IDEAZ.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and it’s only been a week since the last episode, really! You all just weren’t there. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s getting SEO Optimization tips from a strange man in the park.

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It’s time for Denver to be the Last Goddamn Dinosaur. Look at being SO goddamn the last dinosaur and shit. He rides a skateboard! He plays the guitar! He has opposable thumbs and may fight Lavos at the end of the adventure! We don’t know! He is simply too radical for us lowly humans. We scalp for his tickets and sell them at 10 times the cost! He knows it too! You’d think he’d eat us, but not this time around. The class action lawsuit, he has learned, is far more devastating.

John Hurst is your host this week and he no longer says the intro, he simply feels it. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and and he’s cutting the government grants on dinosaur feedings.

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Come and enjoy a burger! A burger music video! With burgers in it! And fries. A whole lot of fries. A concerning amount of fries for a burger music video. We should be focus on the stars! The burgers! In the sky presented by Commander Cody and everything! I’d share a burger with Commander Cody. Maybe a smash burger. Maybe a slider too. Come with me to the the Abandoned Hardee’s Parking Lo t and dine with us!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he brings a L E T T U C E W A R N I N G. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s fortunately safe with his Tasty Banana Sauce.

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We don’t have time for jingles anymore! No time for sweeping stories or marketing tie-ins with VHS releases or anything in between. The Taco Bell bong is all that we have left from a fleeting nostagic era and honestly we’re probably better off in the end. It’s a great bong noise! You know it means tacos! That’s just culture and class there! No, we can’t sing our praises to Armor Hot Dogs anymore, but we certainly can hear the influencer go on and on about meets for a partnered sponsor quest with Raid Shadow Legends and MEAT. Maybe they should have a Greek yogurt and ranch. Dip your favorite dipper in it. Dip your face into it. Let it become you. Indiana Jones can’t save you anymore. The yogurt is your hero now.

Also, we’re back. How do I write one of these synopsis posts again?

John Hurst is your host this week and is not picking a side in the great salad dressing debate and enjoying his salad instead. Aaron Littleton is your co-host this week and he is a terrarium of expired yogurt and ranch (But still delicious?!)

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Hey everyone! Let’s ride the bonegrinder! We’ll grind our bones and regret signing pain waivers! Let’s get third degree burns on the steam powered thingy we are definitely too close to! But we did surf for 2 seconds! It was totally rad!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s going to work in the Australian Oreo-O’s Factory. He is NOT into the Bonegrinder. John Hurst is your co-host and he is ready to eat a video food from the video internet. He is KIND OF into the Bonegrinder.

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Your video rental store is in dire help and the only people that can help are the cast and crew of the Half Baked film from 1998! Your free popcorn isn’t bringing in the peeps anymore! Hollywood Blockbusters are bustin’ out big time! Only the smooth talk of a screener tape promising you a good ROI on a weed comedy film can save YOUR day. Just pay us $10k a day to rent it and it can be yours. Well, temporarily. For a day, max. But we need it back. We’re running a business here!

John Hurst is your host this week and he is pretty sure the ghosts are bored now. Aaron Littleton is your co-host this week and he’s got all the Etsy Witch Wards on his podcast studio.

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Scream if you know what Dr. Enuf is! Scream if you don’t! Scream if you are living in the horrors of a modern society! Let’s all watch videos made in the year 2003 and uploaded 12 years later! Let’s have fun in the society and be excited by Star Trek sounds again! Just don’t mind the magic genie that looks like you. And don’t wish for a Holodeck in the back of your car. Muddy feet.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s checking his sources in Northeast Tennessee for more info. John Hurst is your co-host and he thinks he would, frankly, be an embarrassing guest to have on Hot Ones.

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Centaur dudes are just going to be centaur dudes. You can’t stop them! They are all legs and arms and head and they’re going to one-shot that fuckin’ vulture in the face and they know they rule for doing so. Centaur Dude (Centy to his friends) plays Call of Duty! He knows how to noscope a n00b! He knows the way to impress a Centaur Lady and her Centaur Immediate Family and he’s pulling out all the stops! It’s just that damned Centaur Baby who steals the scene. He’s going to have to think fast if he wants to keep their Centaur Favor.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s starting to be suspicious if “ohana” really means family. Aaron Littleton is your (certified) co-host and he’s wise to think that maybe we don’t want to show the extraterrestrial aliens human art if they’re already willing to help us.

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It’s a Pickle Surprise! The Pickle Wizard of 1989 had to go to great lengths to get this made. You don’t make this level of powerfulness without a life on the line. His life. And he put it there for your sake. Thank the Pickle Wizard everyday, children. May you eventually find the pickle and may you be surprised by it, gentle human.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he is activating his second brain for this. John Hurst is your co-host this week and he keep ordering from the back of the wrong magazines.

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Look, Frutiger Aero is back in everywhere! It looks like how want to feel, first of all! Sure, we don’t exactly want to go back to Windows ME and experience the pain points of early multimedia hell but the feel! The feel! We want to vibe back in it! And it tastes great too! You should put it into a smoothie and sip on it after a workout! Don’t worry about the microplastics! Not yet, anyway!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s setting up a conflict that will make us the prime suspects in an incident. Aaron Littleton is your co-host this week and the CD of Windows ME HD doesn’t even crack the top five of things devoured.

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