No, you’re not going insane… we’re unleashing our third remake episode of March and getting clinical about the 2010 version of THE CRAZIES!! Along the way, we explore how the original and remake reflect the socio-political depths of the military-industrialization of each era, consider why George A. Romero had such terrible luck in the movie industry, and openly wonder why we both love Timothy Olyphant so much!! All this, plus Dirk Pitt, bad lawsuits, farm pools, shrimp in the rain, dad books, occasional dog interruptions, squeak/flap ratios, car wash action, pitchfork plunges, and an explosive edition of Choose Your Own Deathventure!! So take a hit of Trixie and listen along as we lose our minds!!

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That’s right, people - love is in the air!! But so are flying bolts from a spear gun!! That’s right, we’re right in the middle of our FRIDAY THE 13th PART 3D revisit, and it’s time to rap with Aunt Gena and Drunkle Patrick about being “a Shelly.” We get into the major differences between actors and their characters, delve into the true value of juggling on the free market, consider life before Craigslist, and debate how many masks to bring for a weekend getaway with complete strangers. All this, plus we explore more Barn of Doom problems, ask what’s up with Jason’s fun strut, contemplate wallet contents, marvel at Vera’s outfit, and slash our way into a game of Choose Your Own Deathventure!! WARNING: We love Larry Zerner, the actor who plays Shelly.  But the character Shelly? Um… 

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Love in any other franchise does not meet a machete as often, and that’s why we’re celebrating our holiday of love: Friday the 13th!! That’s right, we’re counting down our picks for the Worst Couples in the FRIDAY THE 13th franchise, and not even Jason Voorhees gets a say!! And that dude will not shut up. We’re talking sex inventors, defensive boxes, raising rabbits, kneecap makeouts, Dirty Peanuts, sloppy childs, nippleless bots, the plot of Cruising, and the OG of “Have You Considered My Penis?” boyfriends!! All this, plus a multi-decade spanning edition of Choose Your Own Deathventure, and we’ve got the best Bad Romances in Crystal Lake history right now!

MARCH 13th - it's the screamshare.beehiiv.com Virtual Watch Party TONIGHT!! Sign up and get in on the action starting at 9pm EST / 8pm C / 6pm PST!!

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Lookout y’all - it’s coming at ya!! That’s right, we’re continuing our revisit of  FRIDAY THE 13th 3D and focusing on  Fox (the hot chick), Ali (the guy with chains), and Loco (he’s… I don’t know, a white guy?). All this, plus casual racism from convenience store owners, consider how many punches we can take from an orangutan, meet the most important character in all of Part 3… the BARN OF DOOM, and ambush you with a penetrating edition of Choose Your Own Death-venture!!  So strap on that useless leg flair and ride with us today!! 

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You wanted the best, you got… 2005’s remake of THE FOG. Oh boy, talk about a stinker! It’s ReMarch - and we had to give you an example of a rock-bottom for aughts remakes, so grab your self-heating hairbrushes cause this episode is on fire! We discuss why this movie would need two Crazy Ralph characters, wonder who dreamt up the Fog’s-eye-view, debate whether there’s a single defining motivation to anyone’s character, and give producer Debra Hill her well-deserved flowers!! All this, plus indoor/outdoor decorators, death by not letting go of a rope, MTV’s The Grind, shower sex body horror, super leprosy, wet footprints, and a defenestration-heavy edition of Choose Your Own Deathventure!! Whatever you do, don’t watch the movie and listen to us rant and rave about it today!!

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We are adding a whole new dimension to our revisit of early Kill By Kill episodes, as we begin our eye-popping journey into FRIDAY THE 13th 3D! To get this engine chugging, we delve into the dangerous world of Crystal Lake convenience stores/model train museums, discuss why having a toilet in your stockroom may violate every health code, and debate whether Steve Miner makes a better movie director or a fake news anchor. All this, plus you’ll learn the secret recipe to a #MississippiPinwheel, get up close and personal with Harold and Edna, get a fever for the flavor of fish eggs, and get an earful of Choose Your Own Deathventure!! It’s a classic episode you’ll have to see - with your imagination - to believe!! 

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Give your body to the dance, but save your ears for an all-new episode of Kill By Kill! That’s right, we’re starting our new theme month a week early to discuss Luca Guadagnino’s masterful remake of SUSPERIA!! Along the way, we dig into why remakes have always been a part of the film business, how the 2018 film mines Dario Argento’s original for new and deeper avenues to explore, consider why a mid-70s German political reckoning forged the spine of this new version, and discuss why 20th Century Fox thought a lady skeleton was the best sales technique to get butts in seats in 1978!! All this, plus door jam humping, shadow stabbers, troll hookups, Giallo blindness, corpse hooks, and a head-exploding edition of Choose Your Own Deathventure!! Dance like obody but the Three Mothers are watching this week on Kill By Kill!!

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Bag it up, people, our revisit of 1981’s FRIDAY THE 13th PART 2 is coming to an end!! But not before we learn all about what kind of sweater to wear for the sexiest results, debate whether Mrs. Voorhees participated in Take Your Son To Work Day, and discover that our “woke bae” count remains frozen at zero!! All this, plus we reveal the secret recipe for #CorpseJuice, wet the underside of the bed, and put a pitchfork in Jenny’s time as the Final Girl du jour!! It’s time to chase glory on this special relaunch episode of Kill By Kill!! 

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Coming to you straight from the mean streets of DTLA, this episode of the show is putting the 1990 horror-procedural THE FIRST POWER on the stand!! Under cross-examination are the many “undead killer” films of the late 80s and early 90s, what possesses Lou Diamond Phillips to keep wearing a trenchcoat in LA weather, exploring the open and flammable acid pits under Silver Lake, and accounting for how much a local psychic can pull to be able to afford an architectural wonder!! All this, plus a drive-by hoofing, impossible ceiling fans, wang-dang-doodle-splaining, jammy egg acting, obvious dummies, gnarly stunts, and a teleportation-heavy edition of Choose Your Own Deathventure!! It’s a manic Satanic panic this week on Kill By Kill!! Check it out!!

NOTE: We apologize once again for missing last week. We have yet to recover all of the audio from our Friday the 13th's Worst Couples episode. Hopefully, we will have it back before next Friday the 13th next month!

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Thank Jason it’s Friday - we are back at Camp Not Actually Crystal Lake and digging into more characters from FRIDAY THE 13th PART 2! In this episode, we tease the mystery behind Jersey girl hair, explore Mr. Voorhees’ sixth sense for a person’s “f**k style,” and deeply examine the lives and deaths of Jeff, Sandra, and Mark. All this, plus we discover how arm wrestling can lower your libido, finally define #SadSandwich of #GetBunked deaths, and play a highly revealing round of Choose Your Own Deathventure. Get snaretrapped into listening to this revisit today!!

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What’s the deadliest day after Friday the 13th? Why, February 14th, if you happen to live in the grimy, coal-infested town of Valentine’s Bluff in Canada! Love is in the air, blood is spilled on the ground, and hands are being eaten in this special redux episode (because computers ate our Friday the 13th special). From way back in 2017, listen to us - and special guest Becky Wilson in her debut - dig into all the gory details of 1981's MY BLOODY VALENTINE!! It's Canuxploitation, bad laundry, oblivious authority figures, meals on unmoving wheels, hot dog water, very bad romance, quick cannibalism, terrible places to have sex, Hollis worship, and a chocolate-covered edition of Choose Your Own Deathventure!! Check it out and hopefully we're able to rescue the new episode out of the digital dustbin!!

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Our linker.ee

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