Terms like boundaries, gaslighting, triggers, trauma, and attachment are everywhere now. Dr. Rick and Forrest answer a listener question about the consequences - good and bad - of clinical language escaping the therapy room. They then answer three more questions: an introverted listener wonders about the pressure to be social, a couple wants to know how to loosen their strict scorekeeping around household tasks, and a 27-year-old wonders whether becoming a therapist means wasting the degree they already have. 

Key Topics:

00:00: Introduction

1:24: Question 1: The rise, and problems, of therapy speak.

8:15: Boundaries as a tool for control

11:04: Epistemic injustice: who gets believed

14:48: The ups and downs of labels.

19:20: Question 2: Do I really need to expand my social circle if I'm happy being mostly alone?

28:23: Question 3: How do we balance household responsibilities without scorekeeping?

41:15: Question 4: I want to become a therapist, but I’m scared to change careers. What should I do?

51:30: Recap

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore burnout: what it is, why it’s so common, and what people can do about it. They begin by framing burnout as largely a structural problem that individuals are forced to manage. They unpack the six major drivers of burnout, why some people are especially vulnerable, and how chronic stress affects the mind and body. They then turn to practical ways to recover more effectively, including psychologically detaching from work, finding more effective forms of relaxation, protecting your own self-concept, and reducing underlying vulnerabilities. Finally, they talk about how we can preserve meaning and agency when we truly can’t change our circumstances.

Key Topics:

00:00: Intro and burnout as a structural issue

7:20: Six major factors of stress and what to do about them

21:57: Mindfulness, relaxation, and recovery

34:11: Protecting your own self-concept and job crafting

41:46: Reduce vulnerabilities and taking care of yourself

1:04:45: Recap

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We all understand the emotional impact of grief, but its effects on the body are often overlooked. Forrest is joined by clinical psychologist and researcher Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor to explore the physiology of grief. Dr. O’Connor explains how our brains and bodies organize themselves around the people we love, creating “maps” of their presence and relying on them for physical and emotional regulation. They discuss the health risks associated with bereavement, how to care for the healing body, ambiguous loss, the difference between grief and prolonged grief, and how we can gradually build a meaningful life around loss.

About our Guest: Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor is a Professor of Clinical Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of Arizona and Director of the Grief, Loss, and Social Stress Laboratory. She is the author of two books on grief: The Grieving Brain and The Grieving Body.

Key Topics:

00:00: Intro

4:42: The map that no longer exists

12:00: Co-regulation: the attachment figure as an external pacemaker

16:35: Physiological effects of grief

24:53: Taking care of yourself after a loss

36:46: Protest, despair, and meditative practices

45:45: Prolonged grief and getting stuck in restoration

57:31: Progressive Muscle Relaxation vs mindfulness

1:03:00: Re-engaging with the world

1:15:42: Recap

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Some kids learn early on that the way to be loved is to be useful. They take on the emotional or practical care of their parents in a process known as parentification, and today Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the costs of being a “gifted child.”

They discuss the “bargain” these kids make: suppressing their authentic self in order to fulfill a role and earn love. Over time, this bargain can harden into a false self that makes it difficult for the person to connect with their true wants and needs. They then walk through four tracks that allow us to reclaim authenticity: becoming visible to yourself, building a coherent narrative, reconnecting with what you gave up, and renegotiating relationships. Topics include the paired extremes of grandiosity and depression, why so many capable adults go blank when asked what they actually want, and why understanding a pattern isn't the same as changing it.

This episode is heavily influenced by psychologist Alice Miller’s classic book The Drama of the Gifted Child.

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro: what is parentification?

9:18: Examining your own childhood

13:18: Grandiosity and Depression

18:37: Peer-entification, self-narratives, and adult relationships

23:29: Emotional insight and grief

27:09: Tracks to healing

35:10: Track 1: Becoming more visible to yourself

39:26: Track 2: Building a coherent narrative

45:21: Track 3: Reparenting

50:49: Track 4: Building a new bargain

1:05:26: Recap

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Most of what people know about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) comes from movies and short videos, and those media portrayals often have little to do with what DID is actually like. To get the real picture, today Forrest is joined by Dr. Milissa Kaufman and Dr. Lauren Lebois, experts in dissociative disorders and trauma research. Dr. Kaufman had DID herself, went through treatment, and made a full recovery. 

They explore the spectrum of dissociation, from everyday experiences to clinical presentations like DID, before talking about how DID develops as a childhood adaptation to trauma, the problem with the term “multiple personality disorder,” and what the brain science tells us. Milissa describes her own “inside people,” the shame and secrecy associated with DID, and the slow shift from "that wasn't me" to "that was me all along." They then cover what treatment looks like, what to actually look for in a therapist, and what recovery means.

About our Guests: Dr. Milissa Kaufman is a trauma psychiatrist at McLean Hospital and Associate Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Lauren Labois is a cognitive neuroscientist and Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. They are co-directors of the Dissociative Disorders and Trauma Research program at McLean Hospital.

Check out the Trauma Continuum at Hill Center: https://traumacontinuum.org/

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro and Dr. Kaufman's personal experience with DID

6:51: The spectrum of dissociation: Depersonalization, Derealization, and Dissociative Identity Disorder

17:12: Dr. Kaufman's experience of DID

22:58: The paradoxes and shame involved with DID

36:46: History of skepticism around DID, and the role of modern neuroscience

43:09: Treatment for DID and trauma-informed treatment

1:00:43: What healing and recovery looks like

1:10:48: Recap

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Dr. Rick and Forrest continue last week’s conversation on avoidance coping, this time focusing on how to move from insight into meaningful action. They explore why self-awareness often isn’t enough to create change, focusing on common impediments like ambivalence, shame, and the difficulty of seeing our patterns in real time. They then unpack the practical science of change: surfacing predictions behind avoidance, testing them through right-sized experiments, and fully internalizing the outcomes. Other topics include scaffolding, state-dependent learning, the HEAL process, and what to do when the dreaded experience actually happens.

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro: why awareness isn't enough

4:54: Ambivalence to change

13:50: Other impediments to change22:00: How to want to change

28:42: Creating predictions

32:26: Setting up an effective experiment

43:26: Linking new outcomes to old memories

1:01:51: Recap

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We all have patterns we can see clearly…and still can't seem to stop. Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how avoidance fuels these patterns, and how we can break the avoidance loop by updating our expectations and predictions about the future. They discuss what avoidance coping is, how the brain works as a prediction machine, why that means insight alone usually isn't enough to break a pattern, and what the current science of exposure and expectancy violation says about how change actually happens. 

This is the first of two episodes dedicated to this topic, the second will focus on how to brave our feared experiences and go from insight to action.

Key Topics:

00:00: Intro: avoidance coping and mental predictions

8:07: Five types of avoidance behaviors

17:35: The invisible cage

23:50: Predictive processing

29:49: Identity and high confidence predictions

34:30: How avoidance can perpetuate painful experiences

40:01: Exposure and the Inhibitory Learning Model

52:00: Answering common questions

56:07: Recap

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Forrest is joined by one of the world's leading happiness researchers, Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, to discuss the real secret to happiness: feeling loved. Dr. Lyubomirsky explains the key difference between being loved and feeling loved, why self-improvement (usually) isn’t the answer, and how giving love leads to getting love. They then walk through five mindsets that help people both get more love and feel more loved. Other topics include the vulnerability paradox, capitalization and the importance of enthusiasm, using the mindsets to evaluate our relationships, polyamory and non-monogamous love, and AI companions.

You can find Sonja's diagnostic quiz at howtofeelloved.com 

About our Guest: Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky is a Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside, and the author of a number of bestselling books including How to Feel Loved with Dr. Harry Reis. She is one of the most frequently cited well-being researchers in the world.

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro: connection as the key to happiness

2:31: The difference between being loved and feeling loved

6:58: What love is

9:09: If only beliefs and the vulnerability paradox

19:36: Mindsets to embrace if you're looking for more love and connection

23:26: The relationship “sea”saw

31:44: Five mindsets to embrace if you want to feel more loved

51:51: AI companionship, polyamory, and MDMA

1:08:03: Recap

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Last week, Dr. Rick and Forrest discussed why healthy conflict is a vital part of strong and intimate relationships. Today, they focus on the how-to of effective repair: what it looks like, why it’s so hard, and how to do it well. Together they walk through four common patterns of conflict, offering guidance on how to interrupt the cycle, turn down the heat, and get back on the same team. They offer tools such as compassionate curiosity, affectionate humor, and taking maximum reasonable responsibility. Finally, they discuss the personal benefits of healthy conflict and repair: when we have a new experience and truly take it in, we can learn that conflict doesn’t have to lead to disconnection, disappointment, or abandonment. 

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro and what healthy repair looks like

5:26: Red flag: the withdrawal of caring and compassionate curiosity

9:26: Initiating repair

12:24: Scenario 1: The "accidental argument"

21:10: Scenario 2: The chronic broken commitment

40:01: Scenario 3: The missed bid

1:01:38: Scenario 4: The “seeming” change in relationship

1:07:11: Taking in repair

1:16:23: Recap

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Most of us are pretty bad at conflict, usually because we weren’t taught how to handle it well. But healthy conflict can be one of the best ways to deepen intimacy and trust. In this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss why conflict is so difficult, the models of conflict we inherit from childhood, healthy repair, what emotional flooding does to the brain and body during a fight, and the research on what actually predicts relationship success. They close with a handful of things that get mistaken for repair but aren't, including submission, thin apologies, and just solving the surface problem. 

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro

3:19: Repair as the biggest predictor of relationship success

5:29: Models of conflict and where they originate from

16:08: What is healthy repair, and why is it so hard?

24:54: What to do about emotional flooding

30:25: When to let things go, and when to address them

38:36: What repair is and what it's not

46:47: The power of authentic apologies

57:04: Recap

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Forrest is joined by neurogastroenterologist Dr. Trisha Pasricha for a conversation about the gut-brain connection, including how gut health impacts our mood and mental health. Dr. Pasricha explains how the gut and the brain communicate, how early gut experiences can shape adult anxiety and depression, why GI symptoms are often misunderstood or dismissed, and what the research actually says about probiotics, leaky gut, and detoxification. They also discuss simple, evidence-based ways to improve gut health, dispelling social-media fueled myths along the way. 

About our guest: Dr. Tricia Pasricha is a physician-scientist at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, an assistant professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School, and columnist for the Washington Post. Her new book, You've Been Pooping All Wrong, explains the connection between your gut, your brain, and your mental health.

Key Topics:

0:00 Intro: what's neurogastroenterology?

5:48: Believing your patient

9:31: The lifelong impact of childhood gut issues

18:27: The relationship between the gut and the brain

23:20: The tiktokification of gut health information

30:56: Probiotics – do they help?

34:15: The microbiome

43:34: Advice to people with gut issues

46:21: What about cleanses?

55:52: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! ⁠If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.⁠

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