James 4:1 so famously writes, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?”

It’s not surprising that marriage is a hotbed for conflict. When you live so closely with someone else, it’s easy to see their flaws, shortcomings, and mistakes in high definition.

So what can you do to stop constantly fighting?

In this special session from Reclaim 2024, Brad Rhoads shares what helped cut fighting and elevate fun in his marriage.

Guests: Brad Rhodes, Grace Marriage

Brad’s Website: gracemarriage.com

Brad’s Instagram: @grace_marriage

Blog: Forgiveness is Hard, Grace is Harder

Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

We’ve talked about the fact that many women struggle to ‘flip the switch’ and enjoy married sex, and we’ve talked about what might contribute to that. But we haven’t talked about what husbands can do to help their wives enjoy sex.

Juli shares a conversation from Gary Thomas’ Podcast where she was a panelist alongside Debra Fileta and Belah Rose.

Host: Gary Thomas

Featured Speakers: Dr. Juli Slattery, Debra Fileta, MA, LPC and Belah Rose

Gary’s Website: garythomas.com

Gary’s Newsletter: garythomasbooks.substack.com

Book: Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta, MA, LPC

Book: Rethinking Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery

Book: God, Sex and Your Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery

Juli’s Website: authenticintimacy.com

Debra’s Website: debrafileta.com

Belah’s Website: delightyourmarriage.com

Please support Joy and Zack Skarka on GoFundMe

Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

There are so many challenges that come with leading a church well, especially when it comes to how to express their stance on Biblical sexuality. Many want to be a place where people can wrestle with the truth about God and sex and figure things out, while also being sure to prioritize biblical orthodoxy. How can they do both?

Pastor Evan Wickham, from Park Hill Church in San Diego, joins Juli to share lessons he’s learned and what his church is doing to lead biblically with clarity and love.

NOTE: We had some technical issues with recording this episode, but wanted to make sure you got to hear a great conversation--thanks for being patient with us!

Guest: Evan Wickham

Park Hill’s Instagram: @prkhllchrch

Evan’s Instagram: @evanwickham

Park Hill’s Website: parkhillsd.church

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Blog: Has God Changed His Mind About Sex?

Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

Historically, inside and outside the church, male sexuality has been talked about as a purely orgasm-driven experience.

But is it possible we have oversimplified the male sexual experience? What if there’s more to the way men think and feel about sex than we’ve previously considered?

 Dr. Corey Allan joins Juli for a very different conversation about male sexuality.

Guest: Dr. Corey Allan

Corey’s Website: smr.fm

Corey’s Instagram: @sexymarriageradio

Resource: Purity Culture Failed Men Too

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Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

As we work to change the purity narrative and undo many of its effects, we have to look at some of the continued harm it does to marriages. There’s still so much missing in the way Christian couples are taught about marital intimacy.

How can Christians celebrate the gift of sex that God gave in marriage?

Juli shares a conversation she had with the late Dr. Doug Rosenau, where he shared both what is missing and what is needed in the church when it comes to talking about the beauty of sex in marriage.

Guest: Dr. Doug Rosenau, Institute for Sexual Wholeness

Institute for Sexual Wholeness

Book: The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment by Clifford and Joyce Penner

Book: A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy by Douglas E. Rosenau

Podcast: #543 How the Old Testament Reveals God’s Heart for Women, Sex, and Covenant Love

Transcript

00:00 - Introduction to Christian Sexuality Conversations

03:14 - The Church’s Perspective on Sex in Marriage

16:26 - Understanding Female Sexuality and Mutual Pleasure

29:13 - Nuancing Gender and Desire in Sexual Conversations

Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

One of the biggest criticisms of purity culture is the way it reduced sexuality to a list of do’s and don’ts, but there are lots of other reasons millennial men and women report feeling burned by it.

Dr. Camden Morgante, author of “Recovering from Purity Culture”, shares some of the harmful narratives that formed the movement, and provides some alternative approaches to discussing sexuality.

Guest: Dr. Camden Morgante

Website: drcamden.com

Instagram: @drcamden

Book: Recovering From Purity Culture by Dr. Camden Morgante

Free Resource: Why You Still Need Boundaries As You Pursue Sexual Integrity

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Timestamps

00:00 Introduction to Purity Culture

02:13 Camden’s Personal Journey and Professional Insights

05:58 Understanding the Harm of Purity Culture

09:52 Navigating Sexual Awakening in Adolescence

13:58 The Importance of Teaching Values

15:57 Dating Dynamics and Courtship Culture

22:08 Modesty and Its Misinterpretations

25:07 The Role of Patriarchy in Purity Culture

30:54 Steps Towards Healing and Wholeness

39:03 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

If questions about sex lead to questions about God, it’s important that we know and follow Jesus as He really is.

Rick Lawrence, author of “Editing Jesus”, joins Juli to discuss how many American Christians make Jesus into an image other than Himself.

Guest: Rick Lawrence

Rick’s Website: ricklawrence.com

Book: Editing Jesus: Confronting the Distorted Faith of the American Church by Rick Lawrence

Join our email list!

Guide: “3 Reasons Questions About Sex Lead to Questions about God”

Timestamps

00:00 Understanding God and Sexuality

02:50 The Journey to “Editing Jesus”

06:11 Confronting Cultural Misunderstandings

08:57 The Mud Puddles of Scripture

11:57 The Hard Sayings of Jesus

15:12 Intimacy and Relationship with Jesus

18:02 The Challenge of Self-Centeredness

21:01 Joy vs Happiness in Faith

23:49 The Role of Suffering in Growth

27:01 Practical Steps to Know Jesus

29:52 Conclusion and Resources

Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

In this special Q&A episode, Juli answers your questions about sex and marriage. You’ll hear answers to questions like, why did God make us sexual when it causes so much pain? Does sex matter in marriage? And, is it possible to be too focused on sex in marriage?

Join Juli and Hannah for a brief exploration of good biblical theology on sex and marriage.

Co-host: Hannah Nitz

Hannah’s Website: hannahnitz.com

Hannah’s Instagram: @hannahnitz

Blog: Overcoming Sexual Shame and Fear in Marriage

Blog: Help! How Much Sex is “Normal” for Married Couples?

Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

How can women overcome fear and shame around their bodies and embrace the beauty of God’s design for sex?

Whether from purity culture, other messages, or poor experiences, many women don’t see their bodies and sex as good or beautiful. Francie Winslow, host of the podcast “Heaven in Your Home” went through her own struggle with this, and joins Juli to explain how she is learning to embrace the goodness of God’s design.

Guest: Francie Winslow

Website: franciewinslow.com

Instagram: @franciewinslow

Strong Foundation To Starting Well: Claiming A Healthy Vision For Married Sex

Pleasure & Orgasm: Passion & Practicals Of A Wife Receiving Pleasure

Java with Juli: #550 What to Do When Sex is Painful

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Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

When a marriage is in crisis, it can be hard to know what the next step should be. Is divorce the only option? Are there other steps available that couples often miss?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family, joins Juli to talk about some of the options couples can explore.

Guest: Dr. Greg Smalley

Focus on the Family Website

Java with Juli: #489 Thinking About Divorce? You Might Want to Listen to This First

Java with Juli: #519 Why we Need to be Better at Caring for Divorced People in the Church

Blog: Why and How to Pursue a Healing Separation

Blog: Is Divorce the Right Answer?

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Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

It’s reported that 20-30% of marriages have a higher-desire wife and lower-desire husband.

This means that while many women may wish their husbands requested less sex, there are also many women who experience the opposite. For the woman who wants her husband to want sex a little more, Sheri Mueller, LCPC, author of “I Want Him to Want Me”, joins Juli to share insights, wisdom, and encouragement.

Guest: Sheri Mueller, LCPC

Sheri’s Website: marriagetrac.com

Sheri’s Instagram: @growthtrac

Book: I Want Him to Want Me by Sheri Mueller, LCPC

Blog: Why Christians Need to Care About Sex

Missed last week’s episode? Listen to it here.

Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.