We're back to ruin the holidays with a scholarly dissection of a christmas classic!* Listen along, and you too can piss off everyone at the family dinner table with incisive insight into the post-9/11 military-industrial themes of The Polar Express, and the USA's ongoing anxious spiral into full christmas derangement.

Featuring: Being Tom Hankovich, Santa's adrenachrome harvesting operation, elf rally at Yulemberg, graphic hobo explosion, Dewey's wet cardboard box, Cami's Frosty origin story,[white knuckled] it matters where the train is going

*Allegedly, arguably. Classic status debatable. 

Movie: The Polar Express (2004) Director: Robert Zemeckis Rating: Santa is dogecoin

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intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

It's been a while since an episode was a complete, unmitigated disaster from beginning to end. Hosts going through it, movie abysmal, audio files swallowed by dark gods. This month we inflicted Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light upon ourselves, for critical damage. If you know or care about Yu-Gi-Oh! you too will feel your life points drain as we display about as much in-depth knowledge of the franchise as we have about Star Wars. There are cards, and there are righteous twinks. That's about all we've got. IMPORTANT: Do not educate us about Yu-Gi-Oh.

Featuring: corncob PSA, all of the Beatles in a big bed together, that movie with the countdown, Pegasus Undertale's brat summer, a Saw trap for Cami personally, and a bunch of words I probably can't say on iTunes. But don't worry, I can reclaim.

Movie: Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light (2004) Director: Hatsuki Tsuji Rating: there are better things you could be doing with your time

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intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

Welcome to the world of Tiny Don Cheadle, where only scoring a million points in super-basketball can facilitate his master plan to put LeBron James in Game of Thrones. Or Something. We watched Space Jam: A New Legacy and came away knowing less about the plot than before we went in. It's a lot like The Emoji Movie, but infinitely more embarrassing on pretty much every level. 

Featuring: the Star Wars memory hole, Andrei Tarkovski's CATS, cami's casketball, live subtitles for American listeners, podcast therapy, and LeBron's special move that kills Bugs Bunny.

Movie: Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021) Director: Malcolm D. Lee Rating: ah shit lads, just remembered I don't care at all

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intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

😩⌚🎬⬅👩⚔💀

you get it it's the fucking emoji movie. god help us.

PROGRAMMING NOTE: show notes and bonus clips will go up on Patreon next week, as Lee is out of town all weekend. In exchange, you get this episode a day early. Yippeeee!

Featuring: soup wizard's poison stew, patrick stewart's third home, amazing deals on james corden, evil charger that deletes your phone, and the eternal sunshine of lee's emoji mind.

Movie: The Emoji Movie (2017) Director: Tony Leondis Rating: movie that could have been a powerpoint

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intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

!!!LOST MEDIA RECOVERED!!!

This bonus full-length episode drop is as much a surprise to us as it is to you. After our CATS theatricular spectacular, we actually recorded another episode in September 2020. First, recording was delayed by [VARIOUS GLOBAL EVENTS]. Then editing was delayed by a computer failure. By the time the edit resumed, the entire intro (about, you know, [VARIOUS GLOBAL EVENTS]) was so dated that we didn't know what to do with the episode. Before we could decide, another computer failure took the matter out of our hands. We believed the almost-finished episode was lost...until now.

Four years later, while consolidating various external drives, Lee discovered a backup of the rough edit. As we careen into another, somehow worse, US election, against a backdrop of zero solved problems and several new ones, we present our episode on Leo the Lion (2005) in all its depressingly-still-relevant glory. 

Featuring: Matt Mercer jumpscare, the shortest movie, Dumbo does an Icarus, Leo the Lion nightcore remix, and a horrible horrible forgotten prophecy that we are bound to obey in 2026.

Movie: Leo the Lion (2005) Director: Mario Cambi Rating: Cuesto e la deal with Mario Cambi?

You can find show notes, stills, links of interest, outtakes and ephemera on our Patreon for the low low cost of some dollars.

intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

Once in a while, it does us good to check out a nutritious, homegrown independent movie. Something made with love, care, copious ambition, and a free copy of Blender. Something like Our Drawings - Princess Movie,  better known as that thing with the beatboxing puppy.

As fans of Dracula's Angel know, we will go to the mats for an incomprehensible passion project every time. Join us for an absolutely mindbending viewing experience, followed by an undergraduate lecture on postmodern art by way of skibidi toilet. Watch along on Youtube and open your third eye. 

Featuring: Bearfoot is legal, animator burnout, failed quicktime events, all suffering is inextricable from desire, and new mom Sim behaviours.

Movie: Our Drawings - Princess Movie (2023) Director: Calobi Rating: A surprisingly nuanced exploration of the multifaceted pressures imposed on aspiring artists by our present market-driven culture, and the way these pressures complicate cross-disciplinary and intergenerational solidarity. With a beatboxing puppy.

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intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

Did you think it was over? Did you think we were finished? Did you really, truly, honestly believe we have anything better to do with our time than bicker over certified rotten animated features? Foolish. Four years after Cats tried to put us in the ground, we are risen again like the good lord himself. For humanity's sins, we watched Riverdance: The Animated Adventure.

Featuring: Unnecessary lockdown hobbies, things that go beep boop, Cami dated a guy once, grandma's charging dock, and Irishman colony collapse.

Movie: Riverdance: The Animated Adventure Director: Eamonn Butler & Dave Rosenbaum Rating: Poison to frogs

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intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

Our very first very special 2-hour On Release spectacular. What is there to say? We saw it. We went. There was vore. There were computer faces. There were naked human hands. Oh man. Oh boy. Oh kids.

Featuring: Cami almost gets arrested, two literal dissociative episodes, filthy fursuits, a jellicle cat is a racist cat, everything you've ever wanted to know about trains (but it was too boring to ask), Ian McKellen's tongue acting, a tour of hell, podcast trial of the century

Movie: CATS (2019) Director: Tom Hooper Rating: literalists go to hell

Special thanks to interview victims:

William "Just Here For Railway Cats" Harmon Chris "The Road Rage Cat" Fennell Joslin "The Boots-Wearing Cat" Harmon Jane "The Cat Who's Joslin's Mom" Mathews Randy "The Cat Who's Joslin's Dad" Mathews Abby the Consumptive Cowboy Cat Jenni the Cat Who Brought the Vodkas Kate the Aviary Cat Samantha the Cat Who's Happy for the Vore Community ...and two anonymous 12-year-old girls who had the misfortune to make eye contact with Cami while the audio recorder was out.

intro and outro music: “Everyone in Town Wants You Dead” by Singing Sadie

In accordance with MSM tradition (that is very on purpose and an intentional part of our brand, and NOT the whim of a chaotic universe), we present to you this year's Halloween-in-December pre-holiday spookfest: 2004's Spookley the Square Pumpkin!

You may have heard of this lumpen mistake of nature recently from some other, much more popular podcast, who may have given away the whole synopsis to an audience who could populate a reasonably sized town, and may be smarter, funnier and collectively more handsome than at least one of our hosts.* It's okay, though, you wouldn't be listening to this show if you were interested in quality over quantity. It's only worth mentioning because we read out some reviews on this episode, and it should be noted this was recorded before that other show aired. You'll understand why it matters when you get there.

Get cosy, get nogged, turn down the lights, and feast your ears on the terrifying ballad of Scrumbles the Squmpkin. P.S: We are so sorry for all the terrible things we said.

*Cami

Featuring: padcasts, the J/O-lympics, what the fuck is a veggie tale, laughing at a real dead guy, pumpkin full of organs, save the day with your huge square ass

Movie: Spookley the Square Pumpkin (2004) Director: Bernie Denk Rating: Sigmund Freud Was Right

intro and outro music: “Everyone in Town Wants You Dead” by Singing Sadie

I'm a little yellow fish in a deep blue sea - won't somebody save me? 

Oh yes we're revisiting the MILLENNIUM FISH MOVIE CRAZE that I bet you don't remember at all. With a completely inexplicable cast including Alan Paul, Aaron Rickman, Tabitha St. Germain and Terry Jones, Help! I'm A Fish is an inscrutable series of creative decisions that we were absolutely unprepared to witness. 

Featuring: the continued saga of Dr. whatever his name is, yeet your sister, Doing The Icarus, and Alan Rickman's bare human ass

Movie: Hjælp! Jeg er en Fisk (Help! I'm A Fish) (2000) Four Whole Ass Directors: Stefan Fjeldmark, Greg Manwaring, Michael Donovan, & Michael Hegner Rating: [sound only dogs can hear]

intro and outro music: “Everyone in Town Wants You Dead” by Singing Sadie

Big Audio tried to shut us down, but you can't kill what already wants to die...

That's right, Murder-Suicide Matinee is BACK for an absolutely arbitrary Season 2. After moving to opposite time zones and losing a full episode and a half of recordings, regular brained podcast hosts might give up. But not us, baby. We're bigger and better and gayer than ever, and we're ready to talk at great length about the mixed CGI template for a screenplay that is 2018's Peter Rabbit.

Featuring: Inexplicably dreadful audio, Name That White Guy, a straight up goddamn murder in the first ten minutes of this children's movie, and a whole lot of questionable use of mental health terminology that will probably get us cancelled! 

note: There was something badly wrong with Lee's mic in the first half of this episode, so the audio quality is something akin to a 1910s preacher yelling into a tin can on a wire. It does get a little better later on. And trust us, we paid the price.

Movie: Peter Rabbit (2018) Director: Will Gluck Rating: So STUPID why doid they do that cringe stupid go get a sandwich!

intro and outro music: “Everyone in Town Wants You Dead” by Singing Sadie

we have a brand new Patreon!

guilt us into producing regular episodes (or just, like, help us keep the old ones online) by donating a buck or two in return for bonus content. You want it, we got it. But more importantly, you WANT it.